You Suck: A Love Story

by Christopher Moore

book data

4377 ratings, 3.71 average rating, 752 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		19%
4		40%
3		30%
2		7%
1		2%

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published

January 1st 2007 by William Morrow

binding

Hardcover, 336 pages

setting

Unknown

isbn

0060590297 (isbn13: 9780060590291)

description

Nineteen-year-old Tommy is a bewildered hipster recently relocated to San Francisco from Incontinence, Ind. His sarcastic redhead (and bloodsucking) g...more

[close] Nineteen-year-old Tommy is a bewildered hipster recently relocated to San Francisco from Incontinence, Ind. His sarcastic redhead (and bloodsucking) girlfriend, Jody, brings him into the fold of the undead ("I wanted us to be together," she says). Tommy, understandably, has mixed feelings; vampirism has its perks (you can turn to mist, live forever and the sex is awesome), but sunlight is death and blood hunger makes you do some pretty foul things. Also, the duo is hunted by Elijah, the ancient vampire who "turned" Jody and wants her back, and a band of Safeway stock boys/amateur vampire hunters known as the Animals (with whom pre–dark side Tommy once rolled). With the assistance of their devoted minion, goth girl Abby Normal, whose hilarious diary entries form part of the narrative, Tommy and Jody evade their pursuers, feeding at night and conking out at dawn, all the while learning how vampirism complicates love.

"You bitch, you killed me. You suck!"

Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody—the woman of his dreams—is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there's Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)

Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

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Kelli rated it:

01/14/08

Read in March, 2007

Get out the garlic--it’s yet another vampire tale! I’m not sure who to blame for the vampire and zombie stories proliferating like bunnies on a hot August afternoon, but when I find out and slap them, I’ll hold back--just a touch--for this one. Thankfully, this book didn’t take itself seriously, was wont to include posers in leather, pleather or otherwise, and left the sulking, weak-willed super beings behind. Instead, this tongue-in-cheek story injects a touch of humor into the overd...more Get out the garlic--it’s yet another vampire tale! I’m not sure who to blame for the vampire and zombie stories proliferating like bunnies on a hot August afternoon, but when I find out and slap them, I’ll hold back--just a touch--for this one. Thankfully, this book didn’t take itself seriously, was wont to include posers in leather, pleather or otherwise, and left the sulking, weak-willed super beings behind. Instead, this tongue-in-cheek story injects a touch of humor into the overdone subgenre and reminds you that vampires can, yes, be fun. Thank Bob!

Great characters, especially the lone wannabe Goth girl who is really a geeky little sweetheart in disguise, Abby. Abby Normal that is. Everyone in this is either there for comic relief or playing the part of the straight man to the comedian and are all worthy, rather than when you find characters in books that you could just skip because they do nothing to further anything or anyone else around them. Nice surprise. The story is Dracula on crack meets Abbot and Costello. Opening dialogue includes such tidbits as, after learning that his girlfriend turned him into a blood-sucking fiend, “You shouldn’t just kill a guy without asking. It’s inconsiderate.” Atmosphere is big city, little apartment and everything in between. You grimace at the blood-laced coffee but completely understand the craving and accept it. You can smell the scorched skin and the stinky homeless guy with the really big cat. And even during the more violent scenes, you’re still giggling at the entire idea of it.

Pace is completely dependant on the characters rather than the story itself. Alternating viewpoints move you along while tickling your funny bone and letting you know that everyone has a different idea of what happened and how. The chapters controlled by Abby Normal would be 180 degrees different if we heard another version, and knowing that makes it all the more fun. Style is key to everything in here. Perfectly written for the character of the moment, you don’t think of a big eye in the sky controlling everything below, but rather, read it as if each of these characters was telling you in their own words what happened. Hell, he even made fun of writer wannabes using the word “miasma” and I became an instant fan for life!

I don’t get to read horror-comedy often, but I do enjoy it when done right. Gil's All Fright Diner, by A Lee Martinez, was an amazing giggle at our genre--probably my favorite, and this one is a damn close second. I’ll give it a 4 . Go ahead and get it by clicking on that link below. Just don’t be surprised if people stare at you as you snicker on the subway…

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Snicks rated it:

08/28/08

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in August, 2008

First of all, I would normally never even think to read this book. But as I was looking at the clearance rack, a kid, ie teenager, approached me.

"Hey, do you like vampires?"

I was disturbed how unfazed I was with the completely random question.

"Sure." Slightly wary.

"Have you heard of Moore?"

He's a vampire now? That answers a lot of questions.

"Michael Moore?" I'm riffling books hoping h...more

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Chris rated it:

01/24/08

recommends it for: Christopher Moore fans

I was expecting more from this book since Moore wrote it after Dirty Job. But, where Dirty Job was nicely crafted, well-paced, and original, You Suck was not quite the same. It is certainly an original take on a story that's been told over and over again. Vampires are not original but Moore does add some nice texture and moral complexity to the creatures. Unfortunately, I found the pacing awkward.

Moore switches back and forth from third person narrative to first person through ...more I was expecting more from this book since Moore wrote it after Dirty Job. But, where Dirty Job was nicely crafted, well-paced, and original, You Suck was not quite the same. It is certainly an original take on a story that's been told over and over again. Vampires are not original but Moore does add some nice texture and moral complexity to the creatures. Unfortunately, I found the pacing awkward.

Moore switches back and forth from third person narrative to first person through the conceit of having one of the characters write in a diary. For me, it ruined the flow of the third person narrative. Just as some of the scenes would get to the climax, Moore goes into diary mode and describes the scene as a past event. The effect was interesting the first time, curious the second, and, ultimately, annoying. That being said, the diary sections are pretty humorous. All things considered, it is a fun, entertaining, and quick read.

Note to Christopher Moore: What is the deal with "palming" doors shut? Is it like some secret game to see how many novels you can put it in? Why? Personally, I was it over by the second time it appeared in Diry Job, but then I saw it in Island of the Sequined Love Nun, You Suck, Blood Sucking Fiends, Lamb, and Fluke. Though it is entirely possible that by the time I got to Fluke I was just seeing things. You know, like those pschology tests where your brain fills in the parts that are missing.

Also, I like you as a writer. You take some risks with style and convention that I think pay off nicely. With Dirty Job, I felt like you'd finally hit your stride. You Suck seemed like either you wrote it before Dirty Job and just didn't get it published right away or you'd spent too much time with the Animals turkey bowling and then had to cram to make deadline. Anyway, please don't go all Tom Clancy/Ann Rice on us. You know, write a great story, write another great story, keep repeatedly writing the same once great, now tired story over and over and over....less

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Serena rated it:

10/22/08

Read in June, 2008

recommends it for: vampire lovers

Christopher Moore's You Suck audio book is another find at the library that I should have taken out in book form. This book had us roaring with laughter in the car on the way to work over the weeks we listened to it.

***Spoiler Alert***

This is a vampiric tale of one young fledgling, Jody, turning her Midwest boyfriend, Tommy Flood, into a vampire so they can be together forever. Jody, who was turned by an older vampire, Elijah, teams up with Tommy and his co-workers at the...more Christopher Moore's You Suck audio book is another find at the library that I should have taken out in book form. This book had us roaring with laughter in the car on the way to work over the weeks we listened to it.

***Spoiler Alert***

This is a vampiric tale of one young fledgling, Jody, turning her Midwest boyfriend, Tommy Flood, into a vampire so they can be together forever. Jody, who was turned by an older vampire, Elijah, teams up with Tommy and his co-workers at the San Francisco Marina Safeway to bronze the older vampire who has gone on a killing spree among the sick and infirm. Jody hopes to get away from the elder vampire and take Tommy into her dark world.

Along the way, Tommy starts getting used to his vampiric ways, but eventually "enjoys" some aspects of his nature too much for his Midwestern sensibilities. Tommy adopts the name Lord Flood with his minion, Abby Normal--o yes, you guessed it an old fashioned play on words. She is nothing short of normal by today's standards with her Gothic clothes, her sarcasm, attempts to fit in with the rebels, and her love of the undead...but she also has a perky side and you eventually discover her favorite literary character is not from Lovecraft, but it is Pipi Longstocking, a perkier side of Abby.

Even Abby falls in love, and its not with a vampire or her gay friend, Jared.

***End Spoiler Alert***

Not only is their vampire hunting, love, sex, drugs, and stealing, but there is sarcastic humor, self-deprecating humor, and twists of fate in this book that are great. The narrator chosen to read this novel was well selected. Her character voices were believable.

What made the vampire book for me, beyond the vampires of course, was the narration, hilarious lines, and the character of Abby Normal. I would love to see an entire novel of her adventures from Moore; that would make great reading. I recommend this book, You Suck, in any form you choose. I'm going to have to go out and get the hard copy to add to my collection since I foresee myself reading it for the first time, only to re-read it again and again....less

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Aaron rated it:

01/29/08

Read in January, 2008

recommends it for: Ex-Goths living in SF (most of my friends?)

A hugely entertaining lightweight page turner about modern day vampires living in SF. A cast of very likable characters kept me thoroughly captivated. This is especially true of one Abby Normal, 16 year old goth girl, minion to The Vampire Flood, and part time narrator through her diary entries like this:

Chapter 16: Being the Chronicles of One Abby Normal, Completely Fucked Servant of The Vampire Flood.

OMFG! W00T!! I have failed. Left my duty undone, like so much dog poo...more

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Jeff rated it:

07/11/07

bookshelves: fiction

There are many distinct umbrages I would like to take with Christopher Moore in general and this book in particular. However, I realize the problem here is more with me than it is with Moore. Like most of his work, "You Suck" is an outlandish, mildly entertaining story within a story that references previous books and resurrects old characters. Unfortunately, I simply do not have the ability to retain much of what Moore writes in my head for more than a few minutes. I finished reading ...more

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Jesse rated it:

07/11/07

Read in February, 2007

recommends it for: Fans of Buffy, fans of Terry Pratchett, those with strange senses of humor

I'm going to try to write this with out gushing about this author, but I can't make any promises.

Is this the most real book I've ever read? Yes, in so much as people are all strange inside. Even the most normal people have weirdness in them, and so this books cast of slackers, screw-ups, Otaku(I think thats the word for Fanboys, but I could be wrong), vampires (ancient and young), Goths (all posers, cause come on...where were they when rome was being sacked?), and all the rest; thi...more

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Weavre rated it:

08/10/08

bookshelves: laid-down, other-realms

Read in June, 2008

recommends it for: nobody

Blech.

I really enjoyed the last Christopher Moore novel and decided to try another, despite the fact that the plot isn't ordinarily one that would draw my attention. I picked this one because (1) it was handy on the library shelf, and (2) it was written after A Dirty Job and I thought that meant it was likely to be written at least as well.

That was a mistake. This one's going back to the library unfinished, because I'm just not wasting any more time on it. I read about a...more

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Bruce rated it:

01/05/08

I love Christopher Moore. I mean, I really, really love this guy's writing. I've given his books to friends, made them required reading for classes that I've taught, and generally done everything I could to help him along.

But this one...well, the title pretty much says it all. Moore slapped together a thin plot, an ongoing lovers' quarrel, some gimmicky scenes, a major deus ex machina, and an ending that is truly lame.

When the guy is on, he is fantastic. And when he's...more

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Karin rated it:

01/02/09

bookshelves: 20-somethings, diaries-journals, funny, goth-girls, quirky, vampires

Read in May, 2008

Jody, the heroine from Bloodsucking Fiends, returns in this sequel. She’s turned her minion, Tommy, to the dark side – he’s now a vampire, too. Tommy, however, has managed to irritate Jody’s maker, Elijah, and now he’s after them. Actually, there are a bunch of people after them – some cops, some stock boys, and a blue prostitute. They’ve got to find new digs, a minion, and some food sources fast before everyone catches up with them.

The best parts of this book wer...more

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Jackie "the Librarian" rated it:

12/14/08

bookshelves: adultfiction, blood-sucking-fiends, humor

Read in December, 2008

Sporadically funny, disjointed vampires-in-love story, that almost stands alone from it's prequel, Bloodsucking Fiends. Jody and Tommy are young, new vampires, just trying to make things work. But life is so complicated when you're vampires! Just figuring out who to have for dinner can be a chore!

First of all, they need a minion (okay, I loved the minion, Abby Normal) to do their daytime errands, like getting them a new apartment. They have to move, because Tommy's old gang at work ...more

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Howie rated it:

12/07/08

Read in December, 2008

recommended to Howie by: Snicks

I gave this book a five star rating because it sucked me in so hard that I stayed up all night to read it, cover to cover. I read slowly, so this is pretty intense. As the book introduces a newly converted vampire Tommy Flood, I can't help but think that this is how I would probably behave if I were suddenly transformed - that is, curious, clumsy, and full of desire for mad vampire sex. What I probably wouldn't accomplish as well as the Dark Lord Flood is the dry wit and wise cracks, which ma...more

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Bluntforcemama rated it:

12/31/07

bookshelves: scifi-fantasy-horror

Read in December, 2007

This is no "A Dirty Job," but it's passable as most of Moore's work so often is. I'm actually mildly disappointed by this book. The characters aren't endearing or likable, and the entire book had a cold feeling to it. Perhaps not enough depth and too much human ignorance. It was so tongue-in-cheek that it was lost among those who don't find fart jokes amusing. Perhaps my humor is getting old as I age. There are a few laugh-out-loud moments. I sincerely hope "Lamb" turns out t

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Amanda rated it:

03/12/07

Read in March, 2007

recommends it for: Anyone literate

So, if you're searching for an opportunity to intellectually enhance your life and ponder questions that truly matter, this isn't the book for you. If you are ready for some speedy, light-hearted fun involving the undead, aka "nosferatu", well then, you're all set. I don't want to ruin the comic genius of Moore's wit, but suffice it to say that it involves a huge shaved cat in a sweater. Enjoy!

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GUS BUS! rated it:

10/13/08

This was a fantastic book by one of my new favorite authors, he is great at quirky, quick, witty, humor that will make you laugh out loud while reading. He is great at creating real life situations and how people would actually act and be he makes real characters wich is great.

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Kathryn rated it:

10/09/08

bookshelves: humor, own, vampires

Read in September, 2008

I would easily give this a 5 if not for the ending, which left me disappointed. I thought the whole thing was wrapped up too quickly. I hope there will be a third book, which might make me change my tune. This was very funny, yet maybe not as funny as the first.

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Traci rated it:

08/28/08

Read in August, 2008

recommends it for: people who are sick of erotica vampire fics.

Funny, easy to read. Took me about five hours total. And totally not the current main stream vampire fic. This was actually good and had a story and didn't have any erotica in it. YAY! Although, there's plenty of foul language, so be forwarned.

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Regan rated it:

07/30/08

This was a random purchase just from the funny cover but after the first chapeter I was laughing my ass off!! Christopher Moore is really clever and takes a scary subject like vampires and makes them ridiculous.

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Rachel rated it:

12/11/08

Read in December, 2008

To be fair, this book is a sequel. It's a sequel in much the same way the straight-to-video Return of Jafar was a sequel to Aladdin or Joey was a sequel to Friends. That is, it depends entirely on the audience's lazy affection for characters that were developed entirely elsewhere. Having not read the first book, I felt a little like the only non-parent in the audience of a middle school production of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

I doubt, though, that seeing the same middle s...more

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Sarah rated it:

05/02/08

Read in April, 2008

recommended to Sarah by: Saman

A light, fast, slightly R.L. Stinesque read...good if you're transitioning from some serious reading, but I wouldn't go out of my way.

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trivia questions

In Christopher Moore's You Suck: A Love Story, what outfit did Tommy put on Jody when she was unconscious after dawn?
a. nurse uniform
b. cheerleader uniform
c. cop uniform
d. catholic school uniform
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quotes from this book

"Stop," I said. "Please do not further endorken yourself to me. You have great hair and a car that is most fly, and you have just saved me with your mad ninja driving skills, so do not sully your heroic hottie image in my mind by further reciting your nerdy scholastic agenda. Don't tell me what you're studying, Steve, tell me what's in your soul. What haunts you?" And he was like, "Dude, you need to cut back on the caffeine." More quotes...

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You Suck: A Love Story

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You Suck: A Love Story

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