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Consenting Adult
In the shifting social landscape of America in the 1960s, a mother struggles to understand—and accept—her son's homosexuality.
Tessa Lynn considers herself independent and progressive, a liberated woman of the 1960s. And yet, when she receives a letter from her youngest son, Jeff, informing her that he is gay, Tessa is distraught. At a time when homosexuality is regarded as a mental illness, she struggles with how best to be a parent to a gay son—and how to protect her family from the prejudices of the era. Elegant and subtly drawn, Consenting Adult is a stunning tribute to familial bonds, and a sympathetic portrait of a mother whose best intentions are often clouded by the stereotypes of her time.
Tessa Lynn considers herself independent and progressive, a liberated woman of the 1960s. And yet, when she receives a letter from her youngest son, Jeff, informing her that he is gay, Tessa is distraught. At a time when homosexuality is regarded as a mental illness, she struggles with how best to be a parent to a gay son—and how to protect her family from the prejudices of the era. Elegant and subtly drawn, Consenting Adult is a stunning tribute to familial bonds, and a sympathetic portrait of a mother whose best intentions are often clouded by the stereotypes of her time.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 1975
26 people are currently reading
182 people want to read
About the author
Laura Z. Hobson
22 books25 followersLaura Z. Hobson (1900–1986) was an American novelist and short story writer. The daughter of Jewish immigrants, she is best known for her novels Gentleman’s Agreement (1947), which deals with anti-Semitism in postwar America, and Consenting Adult (1975), about a mother coming to terms with her son’s homosexuality, which was based upon her experiences with her own son. Hobson died in New York City in 1986.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
January 11, 2021
Real Rating: 3.5* of five
2021 UPDATE This title is $2.99 today, 11 Jan 2021!
A book about a gay man's mother in 1965 New York. Written and published in the 1970s, it charts an upper middle class lady-who-lunches as she discovers she won't be a grandmother, she won't have an Ivy-League educated doctor for a son (at one point, she muses mournfully about how "CCNY '65 won't open the doors Columbia '65 would have" the old snob!), and what *will* she say to the ladies at the Four Seasons?!
Ultimately though, she's a mom, she wants what's going to make her baby happy, and she comes to terms with his, erm, difference from his peers.
Believe me when I tell you this was NOT a common experience in that era. So Author Hobson did a damned fine job of speaking to the PFLAG crowd, or actually helping call them into existence I suppose, since they were founded while I guess she was writing the book. Go Laura Z!
The reason I give it 3.5 stars and not more is down to the fact that, at that moment, I was the son not the mother. (I would've been different in my parental response anyway....) It wasn't meant to speak to me; it was something I read to see if I could get a handle on how my own mother was handling my utter unwillingness to "grow up, get over this nonsense." When she was dying, after forty years of tongue-clicking and eye-averting and carefully worded invitations ("of course I'll be glad to see you, daaahhhlin, but I just don't have room..." type of thing), she stumbled through a heartfelt but awkward grant of permission for me to think Robert Mitchum was desirable.
It was as much as she could ever do, poor lonely ignored old christer. I hope jeebus was good to her. I wasn't.
The book is an artifact of its time and the author's class. It was heartfelt and honest, it represents attitudes I'd be stupid to tell myself don't exist anymore, but it was a huge thunderclap in a world that simply had not considered there was any way to "deal with your deviant child" except ignore, isolate, or reject.
But I won't be huntin' up a copy for a nostalgia read.
2021 UPDATE This title is $2.99 today, 11 Jan 2021!
A book about a gay man's mother in 1965 New York. Written and published in the 1970s, it charts an upper middle class lady-who-lunches as she discovers she won't be a grandmother, she won't have an Ivy-League educated doctor for a son (at one point, she muses mournfully about how "CCNY '65 won't open the doors Columbia '65 would have" the old snob!), and what *will* she say to the ladies at the Four Seasons?!
Ultimately though, she's a mom, she wants what's going to make her baby happy, and she comes to terms with his, erm, difference from his peers.
Believe me when I tell you this was NOT a common experience in that era. So Author Hobson did a damned fine job of speaking to the PFLAG crowd, or actually helping call them into existence I suppose, since they were founded while I guess she was writing the book. Go Laura Z!
The reason I give it 3.5 stars and not more is down to the fact that, at that moment, I was the son not the mother. (I would've been different in my parental response anyway....) It wasn't meant to speak to me; it was something I read to see if I could get a handle on how my own mother was handling my utter unwillingness to "grow up, get over this nonsense." When she was dying, after forty years of tongue-clicking and eye-averting and carefully worded invitations ("of course I'll be glad to see you, daaahhhlin, but I just don't have room..." type of thing), she stumbled through a heartfelt but awkward grant of permission for me to think Robert Mitchum was desirable.
It was as much as she could ever do, poor lonely ignored old christer. I hope jeebus was good to her. I wasn't.
The book is an artifact of its time and the author's class. It was heartfelt and honest, it represents attitudes I'd be stupid to tell myself don't exist anymore, but it was a huge thunderclap in a world that simply had not considered there was any way to "deal with your deviant child" except ignore, isolate, or reject.
But I won't be huntin' up a copy for a nostalgia read.
November 18, 2025
I was sixteen when this novel came out in 1975 but since I lived in Ireland I didn't discover and read it until the early 1980s but I must admit that on reading I found little to identify with because the American setting and the emphasis on psychiatry was just so distant from the way in London, never mind Ireland thought. I think I felt the book was too polemical and clearly aimed at straights even if with good intentions, it just seemed to me the time when this book was useful was past by the time it was published - or maybe I should say should have been past. Reading the New York Times review from 1975 it is interesting it doesn't review the book but talks to the author about 'homosexuals'; and their parents.
This novel is of historical interest and I can't imagine anyone usefully reading it now. I've given my undecided three rating
The Review from The New York Times 22 April 1975:
'“Dear Mama,
'“I'm sorry about all the rows during vacation, and I have something to tell you that I guess I better not put off any longer. You said that if I needed real psychoanalytic help, not just the visits with Mrs. Culkin, I could have it. Well now, I think I'm going to ask you if you can manage it for me.
'“You see, I am a homosexual. I have fought it off for months and maybe years, but it just grows truer. . .”
'Laura Z. Hobson, the author of “Gentleman's Agreement,” opens her latest novel, “Consenting Adult,” with this letter from a 17‐year‐old schoolboy, Jeff Lynn, to his mother, Tessa. The year is 1960.
'Most reviewers have pointed out that “Consenting Adult” is not only powerful and believable but in addition a book like no other. It is different because, in Mrs. Hobson's words, her seventh novel “was not written for the gay movement, but for the parents of homosexuals.”
'A vivid, zesty woman of 75, Mrs. Hobson has the habit of grappling with painful and suppressed subjects years before their time. This was true of her enormously popular and unsettling novel “Gentleman's Agreement,” a story of anti‐Semitism among American liberals that came out in 1947.
'In a three‐hour interview the other day at her Fifth Avenue apartment, the author, as always, would not speak of her private life. She believes her books are her “statements.” She answered the question: “How much of ‘Consenting Adult’ is true?” this way:
'“It's a true book—let's leave it there. It was truly lived and deeply felt.”
'Her younger son, Christopher Z. Hobson, now 32, was more explicit in thoughtful, straightforward essay published a few years ago. He wrote:
'“I first applied the term ‘homosexual’ to myself when I was 14. If I wasn't then an irreversible homosexual, I was fast becoming one; almost all my sexual inclinations were toward males, virtually none toward females. I sought psychotherapy when I was 17, basically because I desperately wanted to be heterosexual.”
'“Consenting Adult” deliberately spans a 13‐year period from 1960 (“the dark ages for homosexuals,” Mrs. Hobson says) to 1973, when the American Psychiatric Association struck homosexuality from its Manual of Mental Disorders, altering a position it had held for almost a century.
'The book, published by Doubleday, progresses from the smash of shock the first letter brings to the mother through her eager, tenacious exploration of all the literature on the subject to final and absolute acceptance.
'Mrs. Hobson, like her fictional Tessa, has read and interviewed exhaustively on the topic of homosexuality—“I'm a scientist on this,” she says. Her self-education began with a perusal of Britain's historic 1957 Wolfenden report and its findings that sexual conduct “between consenting adults in private” should be free of the punitive laws then in effect. Thus the book's title, with the mother as the singular consenting adult to her son's life.
'The author went on to Freud, Kinsey, Andre Gide, Marcel Proust, James Baldwin, Jean Genet, Mary Renault and many others.
'One of the key phrases of the Hobson book comes on page 242, when the mother muses: “Once she had thought only, If Jeff could change. Now she saw that it was she who had had to change, she . . . and the world who had changed.”
'The author said “that if the story had begun in 1970 instead of 1960 would have been to me a useless book to write because of the changes in that decade.”
'Mrs. Hobson commented, however, that “I believe in all my heart that even today if you found out your son or daughter were gay you would go through the tremendous pain and heartache.” But she is convinced that would be of shorter duration in the world of 1975.
'She has received a torrent of mail from readers, four‐fifths of them homosexual and mostly male. “The letters have been unlike anything I have ever gotten, including those on ‘Gentleman's Agreement,’ ” she said.
'She snatched handsful at random from her desk in the bright living room. Some were written and mailed in the middle of the night. Some speak of being impelled to write parents—to “come out of the closet” and reveal their true nature after years of secret agony and shame. Some have sent the book to parents. Some said they felt “as if the book were written about me.”
'The letters are intensely personal and often moving:
''It is 5 o'clock in the morning and have just finished reading your book. At 25 and gay, I have felt it all: the desire, the loneliness, the countless battles with my parents, and finally the realization and peace that came with my ability to find love. I only wish your book had been written in time to help my parents accept what they call ‘the void’ in my life.”
''I sat down just now and wrote three‐page letter to my mother telling her I was gay, something I really never thought I would do, something I had fooled myself into thinking I should not do. Her reaction, although very important to me, is less important than the burden I lost when I did it. I went out to mail it before I changed my mind.” The letter was marked “1:34 A.M.” The sender is 38 old.
'I remember the feeling that the fact of my homosexuality would erase any accomplishment in my mother's eyes. Once, when I was in my teens and the subject of homosexuality came up she said, ‘If I ever found out you were one of them I would take a gun and shoot you and then shoot myself.’ And yet I loved her, and she loved me deeply.”
'A mother “of a fine, decent and loving son” told how, fairly late in life, he confided to his parents, who had already sensed it, that he was homosexual.
'“I keep realizing over and over again,” the mother wrote, “that he needed my recognition of what he was struggling with, if only to make him less lonely.”
'Mrs. Hobson has been beseeched “over and over again” by leaders of various homosexual groups to lecture or appear on discussion panels, to march, picket or otherwise demonstrate her support of those seeking greater understanding of homosexuals. She has refused all offers and shunned interviews.
'“I don't want to become the lady expert on homosexuals or parents of homosexuals,” she said. “I don't want to play the role of a psychiatrist, doctor, rabbi or marriage counselor.”
'Mrs. Hobson, born Laura Zametkin, adopted her two sons, Michael and Christopher, after her five‐year marriage to Thayer Hobson ended in divorce in 1935. Her adoptions were a difficult and daring move for a single adult at that time, but the author, in her private life as well as in public print, has often of her contemporaries.
'Michael, now 37, an editor at Scholastic Magazine, is married and the father of two children. Reached by telephone, he said that he didn't “want to he involved” in a discussion of his family or the book.
'Christopher, who recently moved to New York, has so far refused interviews. His mother and brother respect his desire for privacy.
'Nonetheless, some of his most intimate views were expressed in an essay included in an anthology called “Out of the Closets: Voices of Gay Liberation” published in 1972.
'“My break with psychotherapy came gradually,” he said. “Very late, relaltions with my therapist became strained when, discussing my mother and her ambitions for me, he referred to her using me as her penis. I saw that what women's liberationists had been saying was true: my mother's ambitious and successful life, in which she had always had to struggle against the limits placed on her as a woman, was to my therapist a manifestation of the desire for a penis rather than a rebellion against constraints which warred against her great abilities.
'“Had it not been for the women's movement, I might have accepted this view—and found a new, apparently analytical way to despise my mother; rather than coming to understand‐her.”'
This novel is of historical interest and I can't imagine anyone usefully reading it now. I've given my undecided three rating
The Review from The New York Times 22 April 1975:
'“Dear Mama,
'“I'm sorry about all the rows during vacation, and I have something to tell you that I guess I better not put off any longer. You said that if I needed real psychoanalytic help, not just the visits with Mrs. Culkin, I could have it. Well now, I think I'm going to ask you if you can manage it for me.
'“You see, I am a homosexual. I have fought it off for months and maybe years, but it just grows truer. . .”
'Laura Z. Hobson, the author of “Gentleman's Agreement,” opens her latest novel, “Consenting Adult,” with this letter from a 17‐year‐old schoolboy, Jeff Lynn, to his mother, Tessa. The year is 1960.
'Most reviewers have pointed out that “Consenting Adult” is not only powerful and believable but in addition a book like no other. It is different because, in Mrs. Hobson's words, her seventh novel “was not written for the gay movement, but for the parents of homosexuals.”
'A vivid, zesty woman of 75, Mrs. Hobson has the habit of grappling with painful and suppressed subjects years before their time. This was true of her enormously popular and unsettling novel “Gentleman's Agreement,” a story of anti‐Semitism among American liberals that came out in 1947.
'In a three‐hour interview the other day at her Fifth Avenue apartment, the author, as always, would not speak of her private life. She believes her books are her “statements.” She answered the question: “How much of ‘Consenting Adult’ is true?” this way:
'“It's a true book—let's leave it there. It was truly lived and deeply felt.”
'Her younger son, Christopher Z. Hobson, now 32, was more explicit in thoughtful, straightforward essay published a few years ago. He wrote:
'“I first applied the term ‘homosexual’ to myself when I was 14. If I wasn't then an irreversible homosexual, I was fast becoming one; almost all my sexual inclinations were toward males, virtually none toward females. I sought psychotherapy when I was 17, basically because I desperately wanted to be heterosexual.”
'“Consenting Adult” deliberately spans a 13‐year period from 1960 (“the dark ages for homosexuals,” Mrs. Hobson says) to 1973, when the American Psychiatric Association struck homosexuality from its Manual of Mental Disorders, altering a position it had held for almost a century.
'The book, published by Doubleday, progresses from the smash of shock the first letter brings to the mother through her eager, tenacious exploration of all the literature on the subject to final and absolute acceptance.
'Mrs. Hobson, like her fictional Tessa, has read and interviewed exhaustively on the topic of homosexuality—“I'm a scientist on this,” she says. Her self-education began with a perusal of Britain's historic 1957 Wolfenden report and its findings that sexual conduct “between consenting adults in private” should be free of the punitive laws then in effect. Thus the book's title, with the mother as the singular consenting adult to her son's life.
'The author went on to Freud, Kinsey, Andre Gide, Marcel Proust, James Baldwin, Jean Genet, Mary Renault and many others.
'One of the key phrases of the Hobson book comes on page 242, when the mother muses: “Once she had thought only, If Jeff could change. Now she saw that it was she who had had to change, she . . . and the world who had changed.”
'The author said “that if the story had begun in 1970 instead of 1960 would have been to me a useless book to write because of the changes in that decade.”
'Mrs. Hobson commented, however, that “I believe in all my heart that even today if you found out your son or daughter were gay you would go through the tremendous pain and heartache.” But she is convinced that would be of shorter duration in the world of 1975.
'She has received a torrent of mail from readers, four‐fifths of them homosexual and mostly male. “The letters have been unlike anything I have ever gotten, including those on ‘Gentleman's Agreement,’ ” she said.
'She snatched handsful at random from her desk in the bright living room. Some were written and mailed in the middle of the night. Some speak of being impelled to write parents—to “come out of the closet” and reveal their true nature after years of secret agony and shame. Some have sent the book to parents. Some said they felt “as if the book were written about me.”
'The letters are intensely personal and often moving:
''It is 5 o'clock in the morning and have just finished reading your book. At 25 and gay, I have felt it all: the desire, the loneliness, the countless battles with my parents, and finally the realization and peace that came with my ability to find love. I only wish your book had been written in time to help my parents accept what they call ‘the void’ in my life.”
''I sat down just now and wrote three‐page letter to my mother telling her I was gay, something I really never thought I would do, something I had fooled myself into thinking I should not do. Her reaction, although very important to me, is less important than the burden I lost when I did it. I went out to mail it before I changed my mind.” The letter was marked “1:34 A.M.” The sender is 38 old.
'I remember the feeling that the fact of my homosexuality would erase any accomplishment in my mother's eyes. Once, when I was in my teens and the subject of homosexuality came up she said, ‘If I ever found out you were one of them I would take a gun and shoot you and then shoot myself.’ And yet I loved her, and she loved me deeply.”
'A mother “of a fine, decent and loving son” told how, fairly late in life, he confided to his parents, who had already sensed it, that he was homosexual.
'“I keep realizing over and over again,” the mother wrote, “that he needed my recognition of what he was struggling with, if only to make him less lonely.”
'Mrs. Hobson has been beseeched “over and over again” by leaders of various homosexual groups to lecture or appear on discussion panels, to march, picket or otherwise demonstrate her support of those seeking greater understanding of homosexuals. She has refused all offers and shunned interviews.
'“I don't want to become the lady expert on homosexuals or parents of homosexuals,” she said. “I don't want to play the role of a psychiatrist, doctor, rabbi or marriage counselor.”
'Mrs. Hobson, born Laura Zametkin, adopted her two sons, Michael and Christopher, after her five‐year marriage to Thayer Hobson ended in divorce in 1935. Her adoptions were a difficult and daring move for a single adult at that time, but the author, in her private life as well as in public print, has often of her contemporaries.
'Michael, now 37, an editor at Scholastic Magazine, is married and the father of two children. Reached by telephone, he said that he didn't “want to he involved” in a discussion of his family or the book.
'Christopher, who recently moved to New York, has so far refused interviews. His mother and brother respect his desire for privacy.
'Nonetheless, some of his most intimate views were expressed in an essay included in an anthology called “Out of the Closets: Voices of Gay Liberation” published in 1972.
'“My break with psychotherapy came gradually,” he said. “Very late, relaltions with my therapist became strained when, discussing my mother and her ambitions for me, he referred to her using me as her penis. I saw that what women's liberationists had been saying was true: my mother's ambitious and successful life, in which she had always had to struggle against the limits placed on her as a woman, was to my therapist a manifestation of the desire for a penis rather than a rebellion against constraints which warred against her great abilities.
'“Had it not been for the women's movement, I might have accepted this view—and found a new, apparently analytical way to despise my mother; rather than coming to understand‐her.”'
January 26, 2022
Sometimes progressive America falls into the trap of thinking that people can't change--that the only way to shift social values is to wait for the older generation to die off. This book, which chronicles the slowly opening consciousness of the protagonist across decades, is a rebuke to that--but at the same time a frustrating affirmation. Nearly fifty years after publication, I wish so many parts of it didn't still feel so damn timely.
Hobson is at her best when she's writing about Tessa, her authorial insert, and at her worst when she's writing from the perspective of Tessa's gay son. I understand why Christopher Hobson dislikes the book; very little of the interiority of the thinly veiled fictionalized version of him rings true as a portrayal of a young gay man. (The only line that really works for me is "People who looked at you and saw you as their tragedy could never see why they became inevitably your tragedy.") But as a call to action to straight people, to the Tessas/Laura Hobson's of the world, it's a powerful work. I am not the target audience; I am glad it exists.
Hobson is at her best when she's writing about Tessa, her authorial insert, and at her worst when she's writing from the perspective of Tessa's gay son. I understand why Christopher Hobson dislikes the book; very little of the interiority of the thinly veiled fictionalized version of him rings true as a portrayal of a young gay man. (The only line that really works for me is "People who looked at you and saw you as their tragedy could never see why they became inevitably your tragedy.") But as a call to action to straight people, to the Tessas/Laura Hobson's of the world, it's a powerful work. I am not the target audience; I am glad it exists.
December 27, 2007
I read this many summers ago and have reread it many times since. It was the first postitve treatment of homosexuality I'd ever read. I was raised in a very strict protestant home and any literature relating to homosexuality or gay lifestyle was negative. This book, extremely well written by an author used to tackling social issues way ahead of her time (Laura Hobson) presents the internal, external, and cultural tug-of-war experienced by an emerging gay man. Kicked out of the family home, forced to find his first experience anonymously, eventually finding true love; we (gay or straight) can easily empathize with Scott's journey. Though dated, I beleive this book to be timeless.
February 13, 2020
Unlike the vast majority of 'coming out' books, this one presents the struggle experience from the mother (and other family members) perspective; not to be completely lop-sided, readers do get some chapters from the gay son's POV as well.
Tessa Lynn is written as a strong, controlled, career-minded and almost brittle. I found her gamut of reactions/responses to her son's coming out believable and understandable (especially in light of the social mores and conditions of the 1960s). I appreciate that not every family member was as prepared to go along with Tessa for the rough ride in coming to terms with having a gay son.
It was not easy to like Tessa - she reminded me of my own mother in so many ways, but I admired her for her determination to help and protect her son no matter what (even if some of the help offered was unhelpful or unwanted). I particularly appreciated Tessa making the effort to grapple with the many psychological and medical issues and controversies over the 'homosexual' condition being generated at that time by the APA. Family dramas aside, this book therefore provides readers with a good overview and social commentary of the ground-swell changes to the prevailing attitudes towards gays in the western world. Those who object to reparative therapies will find some interest in the opinions and treatments offered by a couple of psychiatrist characters in the books.
I found it interesting that Tessa and her husband (being in the publishing industry) felt themselves very liberal and progressive in their relationships and dealings with gay men in their professional spheres - had such a negative response when it becomes clear that the 'gay issue' comes uncomfortable close to home. In comparison, the younger generation's mindset as represented by Tessa's daughter and son-in-law, and their reaction to being told that they have a gay brother, again reflects the changing sexual mores/morality of that times.
This is not a fast paced book; there is much delving into the minds of both mother and son as they struggle with acceptance and what it means to reach and love despite strong differences in opinion and belief. I was satisfied at the end - the book indicates a 'brave new world' not just for Jeff, Tessa and their family members, but for gay people in general.
Tessa Lynn is written as a strong, controlled, career-minded and almost brittle. I found her gamut of reactions/responses to her son's coming out believable and understandable (especially in light of the social mores and conditions of the 1960s). I appreciate that not every family member was as prepared to go along with Tessa for the rough ride in coming to terms with having a gay son.
It was not easy to like Tessa - she reminded me of my own mother in so many ways, but I admired her for her determination to help and protect her son no matter what (even if some of the help offered was unhelpful or unwanted). I particularly appreciated Tessa making the effort to grapple with the many psychological and medical issues and controversies over the 'homosexual' condition being generated at that time by the APA. Family dramas aside, this book therefore provides readers with a good overview and social commentary of the ground-swell changes to the prevailing attitudes towards gays in the western world. Those who object to reparative therapies will find some interest in the opinions and treatments offered by a couple of psychiatrist characters in the books.
I found it interesting that Tessa and her husband (being in the publishing industry) felt themselves very liberal and progressive in their relationships and dealings with gay men in their professional spheres - had such a negative response when it becomes clear that the 'gay issue' comes uncomfortable close to home. In comparison, the younger generation's mindset as represented by Tessa's daughter and son-in-law, and their reaction to being told that they have a gay brother, again reflects the changing sexual mores/morality of that times.
This is not a fast paced book; there is much delving into the minds of both mother and son as they struggle with acceptance and what it means to reach and love despite strong differences in opinion and belief. I was satisfied at the end - the book indicates a 'brave new world' not just for Jeff, Tessa and their family members, but for gay people in general.
June 30, 2020
Perfect novel. I first read it when it was published in 1975, and it has just as much importance and meaning in today’s world.
August 7, 2015
Though I at first thought this a little dated, I found myself completely absorbed by the characters and the struggles each entered in a time where homosexuality was considered possibly "curable." Having moved to S.F. In the late 70’s - I was far more aware of the movement at a time when it was breaking open. To read about the painful struggles of earlier times was a new realization. Excellent portrayal of the necessary journey to awareness.
July 17, 2024
This is required reading for those in the LGBTQ+ community who have struggled with unaccepting parents/families. Originally published in 1975, it has a surprisingly modern approach and theme.
The story follows Tessa Lynn, a wife and mother of three who lives in New York City, as she comes to terms with her youngest son's homosexuality. She and her husband both work in the publishing industry and consider themselves liberal and open-minded. But their son Jeff's sexuality forces them to confront biases they did not realize they had. Interestingly, Tessa and her husband's reactions and the speed with which they warm to the idea of a gay son differ significantly.
As their attitudes evolve, so does that of their son and the general society. The story, split into three parts, unfolds over most of the 1960s, and explores not just the Stonewall riots and other aspects of the 'Gay Movement,' but also the women's rights and civil rights movements.
Hobson's parents were Jewish and she is best known for another book, Gentleman's Agreement, which tackles antisemitism. There is one Jewish character in Consenting Adults as well, but otherwise the characters lack diversity.
Tessa is clearly a privileged, White woman. Intially, she seems to feel almost victimized by her son's homosexuality. She also feels guilt and fears that his sexuality is somehow related to his upbringing. Early on, after Jeff refuses to discuss his "analysis" (read, conversion therapy) sessions with her, she thinks:
"He saw this as his own, as if it were a possession, his and only his, by title his, his own unhappiness, his own fear, his own life. She stood quiet, in the hall, waiting for the resentment to pass. It would pass, she could count on it passing. But it would leave a residue of something for which there was no label, an ashen and gritty residue of pain, no matter how forbearing and wise she might try to be. Why didn't children ever see that they could damage and harm their parents as much as parents could damage and harm children?"
However, there are also moments when one is inclined to feel sorry for Tessa, when Jeff lashes out at her for mostly innocent inquiries into his well-being. Of course, Jeff sees her questions as "digging" into his personal life. He, too, is coming to terms with his sexuality and is experiencing the complex mixture of emotions, including self-loathing and embarrassment. Nevertheless, Tessa's love for her son is apparent. After thinking about Jeff growing old and being alone, she thinks:
"Let it not be that for him, she thought. Oh, God, let him know what it is to live and be loved on his terms, but let him know it. No matter how, no matter in which way, it is love that counts, the ability to love, the ability to give love and to receive love that makes life full and beautiful, with meaning, with renewal. Let him not be denied that forever. Whatever he is, it is not his doing; he did not ask it, he did not arrange it; it happened. It is one of the mysteries of life that some people are drawn to their own sex; all the opinions of all the doctors and theorists seem to point to that. Then let him not be punished in the most fearful way of all, that he should never know the good sweetness of being able to love somebody dear and be loved by that dear one in return."
Overall, I enjoyed this book. The prose is well-written and not overly flowery. The characters' emotions feel very real and are likely drawn from Hobson's own life (her son was gay). The book was ahead of its time. However, despite homosexuality being much more accepted now than it was when the book was first published, there are still parents today that might harbor the same feelings as Tessa. This book might provide some understanding and insight to help LGBTQ+ people and their families heal.
The story follows Tessa Lynn, a wife and mother of three who lives in New York City, as she comes to terms with her youngest son's homosexuality. She and her husband both work in the publishing industry and consider themselves liberal and open-minded. But their son Jeff's sexuality forces them to confront biases they did not realize they had. Interestingly, Tessa and her husband's reactions and the speed with which they warm to the idea of a gay son differ significantly.
As their attitudes evolve, so does that of their son and the general society. The story, split into three parts, unfolds over most of the 1960s, and explores not just the Stonewall riots and other aspects of the 'Gay Movement,' but also the women's rights and civil rights movements.
Hobson's parents were Jewish and she is best known for another book, Gentleman's Agreement, which tackles antisemitism. There is one Jewish character in Consenting Adults as well, but otherwise the characters lack diversity.
Tessa is clearly a privileged, White woman. Intially, she seems to feel almost victimized by her son's homosexuality. She also feels guilt and fears that his sexuality is somehow related to his upbringing. Early on, after Jeff refuses to discuss his "analysis" (read, conversion therapy) sessions with her, she thinks:
"He saw this as his own, as if it were a possession, his and only his, by title his, his own unhappiness, his own fear, his own life. She stood quiet, in the hall, waiting for the resentment to pass. It would pass, she could count on it passing. But it would leave a residue of something for which there was no label, an ashen and gritty residue of pain, no matter how forbearing and wise she might try to be. Why didn't children ever see that they could damage and harm their parents as much as parents could damage and harm children?"
However, there are also moments when one is inclined to feel sorry for Tessa, when Jeff lashes out at her for mostly innocent inquiries into his well-being. Of course, Jeff sees her questions as "digging" into his personal life. He, too, is coming to terms with his sexuality and is experiencing the complex mixture of emotions, including self-loathing and embarrassment. Nevertheless, Tessa's love for her son is apparent. After thinking about Jeff growing old and being alone, she thinks:
"Let it not be that for him, she thought. Oh, God, let him know what it is to live and be loved on his terms, but let him know it. No matter how, no matter in which way, it is love that counts, the ability to love, the ability to give love and to receive love that makes life full and beautiful, with meaning, with renewal. Let him not be denied that forever. Whatever he is, it is not his doing; he did not ask it, he did not arrange it; it happened. It is one of the mysteries of life that some people are drawn to their own sex; all the opinions of all the doctors and theorists seem to point to that. Then let him not be punished in the most fearful way of all, that he should never know the good sweetness of being able to love somebody dear and be loved by that dear one in return."
Overall, I enjoyed this book. The prose is well-written and not overly flowery. The characters' emotions feel very real and are likely drawn from Hobson's own life (her son was gay). The book was ahead of its time. However, despite homosexuality being much more accepted now than it was when the book was first published, there are still parents today that might harbor the same feelings as Tessa. This book might provide some understanding and insight to help LGBTQ+ people and their families heal.
March 3, 2020
Still relevant 45 years later
Originally published in 1975, this book is still timely and pertinent today. Sadly pertinent today as lack of understanding and acceptance remain a part of our society. I am so impressed with Ms. Hobson’s nuanced exploration of a young man coming out in 1960.
The novel opens with Tessa Lynn receiving a letter from her teenage son Jeff in which he discloses that he is gay. He asks for her support by asking her to fund psychoanalysis, in hopes that “the whole thing will change around.” Despite Tessa’s mix of feelings, there is no question that she will help her son. She is hesitant to tell her husband, who suffered a stroke the year before. She eventually tells him and his reaction is negative, causing a rift in the family that takes years to mend. The novel spans the years 1960-1973, a time of revolution and small evolution for the Lynn’s and also for the world. Jeff, along with his mother, sister, and brother-in-law begin to realize that “conversion” is not the goal and analysis is not the answer. When Jeff eventually becomes a physician, he learns that his homosexuality can jeopardize his career. His mother and brother-in-law devote themselves to learning all they can about homosexuality, including the shift within the APA (American Psychological Association) that ultimately leads to the removal of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973.
This book is so beautifully written and very thought provoking. While it is about family, society, and acceptance, it is really about a mother’s unconditional love for her son. I really enjoyed reading the author’s intelligent and thoughtful reflections on the process of confronting our prejudices in all their forms. We all have a unique perspective and filter that will always color our understanding of other people. Tessa has a lovely section near the end of the book when she contemplates the difference between tolerance and acceptance and concludes that acceptance is the only proper goal. No matter what you may be dealing with in your life, there are some excellent messages here. A shout out to Open Road Media for re-issuing some excellent books that have broadened my reading experience!
Originally published in 1975, this book is still timely and pertinent today. Sadly pertinent today as lack of understanding and acceptance remain a part of our society. I am so impressed with Ms. Hobson’s nuanced exploration of a young man coming out in 1960.
The novel opens with Tessa Lynn receiving a letter from her teenage son Jeff in which he discloses that he is gay. He asks for her support by asking her to fund psychoanalysis, in hopes that “the whole thing will change around.” Despite Tessa’s mix of feelings, there is no question that she will help her son. She is hesitant to tell her husband, who suffered a stroke the year before. She eventually tells him and his reaction is negative, causing a rift in the family that takes years to mend. The novel spans the years 1960-1973, a time of revolution and small evolution for the Lynn’s and also for the world. Jeff, along with his mother, sister, and brother-in-law begin to realize that “conversion” is not the goal and analysis is not the answer. When Jeff eventually becomes a physician, he learns that his homosexuality can jeopardize his career. His mother and brother-in-law devote themselves to learning all they can about homosexuality, including the shift within the APA (American Psychological Association) that ultimately leads to the removal of homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973.
This book is so beautifully written and very thought provoking. While it is about family, society, and acceptance, it is really about a mother’s unconditional love for her son. I really enjoyed reading the author’s intelligent and thoughtful reflections on the process of confronting our prejudices in all their forms. We all have a unique perspective and filter that will always color our understanding of other people. Tessa has a lovely section near the end of the book when she contemplates the difference between tolerance and acceptance and concludes that acceptance is the only proper goal. No matter what you may be dealing with in your life, there are some excellent messages here. A shout out to Open Road Media for re-issuing some excellent books that have broadened my reading experience!
March 14, 2018
While this book is somewhat dated, I was still impressed by how good a writer Hobson was. She delves deeply into her characters' psyches to reveal all the subtleties of a soul struggling with and through personal change. I would still recommend this book to parents wrestling with a child's coming out, even in this day and age when we think we are so advanced in our thinking. We must not forget that there are still plenty of LGBT children who are rejected by their families merely because of who they are.
January 10, 2024
Even given that it’s a product of its time—which it definitely is—there’s a lot of painful sections here. The book was clearly written for straight people—specifically straight parents—to convince them to embrace their gay sons. The mother, the main character, spends most of the book thinking, not doing. We never get to see these characters as people or get invested in them. When the father dies, no one really seems to mind—nor the reader. Interesting from a historical perspective, especially the reliance of therapists to “cure” gay people.
November 16, 2023
well written
It might considered to be old for the younger generation who had no issue coming out and accept being gay. Clearly, that was not the case in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s
This covers mostly the 60’s and the agony of realizing one is gay until being Homosexual was declared to not be a mental disorder.
Well written book.
It might considered to be old for the younger generation who had no issue coming out and accept being gay. Clearly, that was not the case in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s
This covers mostly the 60’s and the agony of realizing one is gay until being Homosexual was declared to not be a mental disorder.
Well written book.
July 13, 2018
A retro look
Coming of age as I did in the same era, I was forced to remember how difficult it was for anyone not of the norm. How quickly we forget. Should be a 5 ⭐️ rating but just too many typos, misplaced words, and forgotten punctuation.
Coming of age as I did in the same era, I was forced to remember how difficult it was for anyone not of the norm. How quickly we forget. Should be a 5 ⭐️ rating but just too many typos, misplaced words, and forgotten punctuation.
January 27, 2021
Consenting Adult
I loved this book. It is a little time dated and historical, but I highly recommend it. I kept thinking, AIDS is going to come into play, but then I remembered that this book was written before AIDS was a blip on the map.
I loved this book. It is a little time dated and historical, but I highly recommend it. I kept thinking, AIDS is going to come into play, but then I remembered that this book was written before AIDS was a blip on the map.
November 6, 2017
Very good. Short book, but hard reading.
June 6, 2023
One of my favorite "finds" from a second hand bookstore. A true page turner, and a great book about growth and understanding.
January 24, 2014
Came across this book by chance, and knowing the Hobson also wrote Gentleman's Agreement, later a movie starring Gregory Peck, I decided to read it. Gentleman's agreement was a post-WW2 indictment of anti-semitism. This book, while a bit of a period piece, is a surprisingly realistic and sympathetic portrait of a family in the early 60's whose son comes out to them as gay. I found the mother's process believable, though luckily she'd have more information and a more open society today than in the time period of the novel. I liked the portrayal of the son's journey and thought it was pretty believable, too, but the focus is on the mother, and made me wonder if Hobson herself had made that journey. Reading it, I was surprised both at how much has changed and what has not changed. The family, educated bookish New Yorkers, deal with the news at first by finding an analyst for the son, Jeff, starting a pointless multi-year process which they hope will change him. In this book, the whole process of family adjustment stands in for the way change came to our culture over a remarkably short time. Starting in the Kennedy era, the book ends after Stonewall and after the American Psychological Association removes same-sex attraction from the DSM ( comprehensive manual of psychiatric diagnoses). And Jeff finds a good relationship and successful career, a relatively uncommon ending for books about gay people in earlier eras. The author clearly found fodder for her books in her liberal values, but even so I was surprised to find a book this progressive on this issue, written in 1975. It has some problems, but I can only imagine the comfort it may have given some parent in that era who was struggling with the news a child was gay. And I bet it got a few people thinking. One of the things I love about the e-book world is the chance to discover older out-of-print works. This one was a good read.
September 12, 2016
Honest Portrayal
This was a great family-based look at the growth of the gay movement in the 1960" s. The characters are complex and reveal the tenor of that decade. The relationships between parents and siblings give the story strength and integrity.
This was a great family-based look at the growth of the gay movement in the 1960" s. The characters are complex and reveal the tenor of that decade. The relationships between parents and siblings give the story strength and integrity.
September 22, 2014
One of the early classics of the genre; groundbreaking at the time. A bit dated in review, but a lifesaver for some.
January 5, 2018
See my review here:
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https://wp.me/p9w4kV-1O
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