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330 pages, Paperback
First published November 3, 2008
…a beauty who kept her head bowed and began to cry – why? could it be from sudden joy… and if not, what? A courtship should be cheerful! or rather: future cheer; future long and soft kisses: a great subject for the study of sensations, and with the sudden release of the lips – cheerfulness at last! right? or not? In their heads – there?! Ipso her sweetheart asked: Why are you crying? and mechanically Renata answered: Sometimes I’m quite a crybaby. You’ll soon get to know me… I ask only that when you see me like this you don’t pay any attention to me; though where to look and what to say at that moment that would be appropriate: Demetrio tried.
“Because I want to live with you. I’ve made up my mind.”
“But I don’t … not now anyway.”
Such things catch fire, then flicker. To each of Demetrio’s negatives there rose from Mireya a new and affable perspective. She exhibited a red-hot wit, despite her troubles and her panic; wit spiced up with nicknames such as: my peach, my melon, my plum, instead of my love or my life; fruits, it would seem, that do not ridicule. And though Demetrio tried to slither troutlike out of her grip, something, some sticky residue, remained on the thin skin of those palms, as it were, but so it was.
separation. choice. the rest of the day mother and son exchanged nary a word. demetrio took a stroll around parras. he needed to feel alone in order to think things backward and forward. the bad part of that tree-lined town was the paucity of restaurants and cafés, and not a single spot that was even remotely depraved; rather, the tacit aspect of the tranquility: more sacred relief than you could shake a stick at: three small plazas with cute benches and well-scrubbed kiosks. streets made for the most primary of pleasures. sights and sounds like extra decorations that made (and make) the seeing and the feeling seem haggard. nevertheless, to stroll without faith, take a seat in some spot, and slowly slowly convince himself that this was not for him, that such a small-minded world would ultimately fill him with supreme disgust; it would be like consciously shrinking himself in order to quickly attain the philosophical outlook of an old geezer; it was to remain uncontaminated, at least not infected, by the unknown, or to cling to a few fixed ideas that had to be neutralized with neutral ingredients, never anything perturbing; it was the nonemancipation and the nonaudacity and, most of all, the senility of it all, of his soul, for example. perhaps a fettered spirit. a young spirit whose flight had reached no higher than a hummingbird's: to wit: to peck only at the known, at what was most obvious, and from there thoughts that zigzag toward the margins, to find therein more excitement: a desire that must not be, how could it be, and till when. demetrio experienced more excitement on his train ride to sacramento. he couldn't, however, escape the rigid circle he had drawn for himself, unintentionally, in which, somehow or other, he now found himself trapped.
trapped. never!