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First published April 14, 2011
“FUCKING HELL, MAN. Why is this so . . . GUH . . . and it’s the middle of the night and I’M SO ALONE.”
Me: I just got "I will be your hero, baby"-ed by tech support.
Friend: I'm pretty sure HR frowns on that.
Me: I'm pretty sure they frown on any mention of trembling.
Friend: But do they know what it feels like loving someone that's in a rush to throw them away?
Me: Do they know? Do they know? Do they know? Do they?
“Beth to Jennifer - My Cute Guy has a kid.
Can you believe it? A kid! And probably a wife, too. How could he do this to me?
Jennifer to Beth- ???
Beth to Jennifer- My thoughts exactly.
Jennifer to Beth- What I meant by that was: give me the information that you have and I don't--that is making you talk like a crazy person.”
“Troy has been dragging your unconscious dwarf on an earth sled, just to keep you in the campaign. You're a constant drain on his magic.”
“He brought the house down during 1999 charades with a two-minute, completely silent reenactment of The Sixth Sense. "When you mimed the ring falling on the ground," Chuck said, applauding, "I forgot that I already knew you were dead.”
“So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow."
"This is investment advice, isn't it? You're personal-banking me."
"He forgot to take the price tag off, so Justin called him "Minnie-fucking-Pearl" and "XXLT" all night"
“Well, all right. Let me change into something I can afford for Dena to puke on, and then we'll get this motherfucker started.”
“LINCOLN! DUDE! YOU'RE alive!"
"Sorry to call you at work, but I've been calling your house so much, your mom probably thinks I'm trying to get into her pants. I feel like I haven't seen you since the sixth grade.”
This book is on my last nerve and I think the problem is me. DNF@ 25%