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438 pages, Paperback
First published October 23, 2012
"No matter what happened in the future, he had to stay a part of my life. If not for just being that one person in the world who understood what I had to go through, the things I saw, the way I felt when I was faced with something impossible. He went through all of it too. We really were cut from the same cloth."
"I knew it was just Dex but that was the problem. I didn't know which Dex I had or which Dex I wanted, if any of them. That's where the nerves came from. My uncertainty. Everything had changed. And changed again."
"I was trying to be a better man, Perry. For you. And I'll keep trying... Until I get it right."
"This is me trying, Perry. This is me taking my heart out of my chest and putting the bloody mess in your hands. I can't give you much more than that."
"I love you Perry," he whispered, mouth moving in my hair. "I love you so fucking much. And I'm losing myself. I'm losing myself to you and I don't care anymore because there's never been a better feeling in the whole fucking world. I love you. So much. Too much. Always."
"You are a part of me Dex. You're every part of me. Always have been. Always will be."
He lowered his head. “I was trying to be a better man, Perry. For you.”
I shifted in my seat. “Dex…”
“And I’ll keep trying,” he quickly said, voice low and somber. “Until I get it right.”
He took in a steadying breath and let his eyes fall shut. “For the last couple of weeks, you’ve been doing everything you can to spear me, to make me hurt. And if you keep on thinking that nothing can hurt me, well then maybe you don’t really know me at all. You’re not just hurting me Perry, you’re killing me.”
Oh. Fuck.
“Uh���” I started, my mouth flapping uselessly.
Dex sighed. “I suppose we’ll just have to go around this motherfucking thing now.”
“Uhhhhh,” I tried again. “Oh shit. Dex. Shit.”
He finally brought his attention to me, folding his arms across his chest. “What is it?”
I wiggled the paper in the air. “Shit, fuck, shit.”
“Oh really?”
“You,” he said slowly. “You’re the light. You’re my light.”
"This is me trying, Perry,” he said softly, the anger being drained of his face. “This is me taking my heart out of my chest and putting the bloody mess in your hands. I can’t give you much more than that."
"Who is it?!" I asked teasingly.
"Bigfoot," Dex answered from his room.
"What do you want, Mr. Foot?"
"Please, just call me Big."
I snorted. "You wish."
"You know."
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And with madness comes the light.
Within your light, I lose the madness.
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"I was trying to be a better man, Perry. For you."
I shifted in my seat. "Dex…"
"And I’ll keep trying," he quickly said, voice low and somber. "Until I get it right."
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"This is me trying, Perry," he said softly, the anger being drained of his face. "This is me taking my heart out of my chest and putting the bloody mess in your hands. I can’t give you much more than that."
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"I love you Perry," he whispered, mouth moving in my hair. "I love you so fucking much. And I’m losing myself. I’m losing myself to you and I don’t care anymore because there’s never been a better feeling in the whole fucking world. I love you. So much. Too much. Always."
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"You are a part of me Dex. You're every part of me. Always have been. Always will be."
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“…when it came to my feelings, when I couldn’t figure out what they even were, that’s when I was really scared.”
“I had been to many remote places in my life. D’Arcy Island, Red Fox, but none of them felt as far away and isolated as this place did. It didn’t even have a freaking name that I knew of; we were just in some valley in the Canadian Rockies.”
“Do you really think you’ll win me over by having sex with me?” He scratched at the side of his chin. “Well, they say the way to a woman’s heart is through her vagina.”
“How old are you again? Twelve?” He grinned, teeth white as the snow he had freshly gathered. “Old enough to make you come, young enough to make you hate me for it.”
“I love you, Perry,” he whispered, mouth moving in my hair. “I love you so fucking much. And I’m losing myself. I’m losing myself to you and I don’t care anymore because there’s never been a better feeling in the whole fucking world. I love you. Too much. Always.”
“I just wanted things to go back to the way it was. When he could touch me and it didn’t feel wrong. When I could like the things he said or the way he looked without hating myself for it.”
"His eyes were brown and clear, brow set in a determined fashion. He was wearing his black cargo jacket, hands thrust deep in his pockets and collar turned up against the cold. The newsboy cap perched on his head gave him an air of unique distinction though his face remained scruffy with a day’s old stubble.”
“The pause amplified. If anticipation was a breathing, living thing, it would have popped out the window and made a run for it.”
“No matter what happened, he was Dex and I was Perry and that combination only led to trouble.”
"If it wasn't for the decapitation of Twatwaffle - God rest his soul - I'd be ready to call this whole thing a hoax."
Dex: You know we could always make a clothing optional rule around each other. That way we'd always be naked and never have to do laundry."
Perry: "All right, Dex, quit it. You're beating a dead horse."
Dex: "I'm beating something horse-sized, that's for sure."
Dex:"I was trying to be a better man, Perry. For you."
Perry: "Dex..."
Dex: "And I'll keep trying," he quickly said, voice low and somber. "Until I get it right."