Portside

by Elyan Smith

Life on the dole in a dying town is defined by drinking when you can, smoking to pass the time, and, if you’re gay, going down to the barracks at the old port to get some. Iwan’s got the cigarettes and the booze down pat, but he lacks experience, so he sticks to online porn and watching the lads portside. Everyone else seems to have learned how to get what they want, yet Iwan can't get past everything that could go wrong. He knows who he is, regardless of labels. But no matter how often his best friend tells him to just go for it, he doesn’t trust others to see past his mismatched body. Paying for what he’s afraid to get for free may seem absurd, but it’s better than just watching, and it’s better than porn. It may not change the world he lives in, but with luck, it will change him.

Genres: M M Romance, Transgender, Contemporary, LGBT, Short Stories, Romance, Queer

35 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 16, 2012

About the author

Elyan Smith lives in the southwest of the UK. He works in research and writes in his free time.

Reviews

[Iman (hiatus) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m not entirely blaming the book. It was just not what I expected.

I thought it was some kind of an emotional wreck when I saw the blurb and the fact that this book was published on 2012 with trans theme, also one of the reviews; and I quote, “This is a slice of life from a young man living in an economically depressed town” and said gave “impact on readers”. Sounds so emotional, but this was just trans erotica with no sign of any kind of depth.

It was a surprise he was suddenly exposed as trans, but going into this, ofc I predicted that. Why else would I be here? So nothing was too exciting. No depth on personality/gender discovery. It was overall bland and lack of representation.

I don’t blame my non existence of enjoyment 100% on the book because it was only <50 pages and it’s an old book. But since I’ve already complain, I wanna add my take on what this book couldn’t: Being a trans-man is not just about having a dick to jerk off. Sometimes it’s not even about sexual fantasies. It’s about identity and understanding the euphoria of manhood.

[K.Z. Snow · Rating 5 out of 5]

No one can write grit like a Brit. I began realizing this truth when, as a teenager, I read Saturday Night and Sunday Morning and A Taste of Honey: A Play. And yet there's always an odd, determined buoyancy within the bleakness, like the optimism that ran throughout the movies Brief Encounter and The Full Monty, which are separated by 50 or 60 years.

This little novella is no exception. Wonderful stuff. Since I hadn't read any reviews prior to beginning Portside, I was thrown off my stride (but in a way I really appreciated) by the casual, passing allusions both to Iwan's anatomy and what was lacking in Iwan's anatomy -- a no-fanfare way of revealing he was a gay trans* man. In fact, I appreciated Elyan Smith's whole fluffless (yeah, I just made up that word) approach to his subject matter.

It appears Riptide is publishing GLBTQ fiction and not just m/m romance. That is fabulous.

[Lisa Arbitrary - AttentionIsArbitrary M/M Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

~~~

I don't know how I feel about this book and yet it earns an undeniable 5 stars.

I'm left unsure, but not about the writing, or the characters, or the story. I'm not exactly unsettled either. Maybe the best way to describe what I'm left with is that I am so blown away by the writing that it's difficult to sort through my thoughts.

THE WRITING:

Elyan Smith has written one of the tightest and most vivid books I've come across. The imagery created is almost a little, too real. This is life. This is reality. In a way that feels very raw, the author exposes the reader to a place too common, that we easily and often ignore. Not only did the author accomplish placing me in this depressed town, where I could literally feel the environment, he also placed me right next to Iwan. Rather than only seeing the world from Iwan's eyes, I was also able to see the world looking at Iwan. Or, maybe that was just me looking to see Iwan.


THE CHARACTERS:

Iwan has accepted his life for what it is. He doesn't hope, he doesn't dream but he still, wants. Some of my confusion for writing this review comes down to Iwan's character. Not because he isn't very well written but because I'm not sure if I feel contented or not about Iwan. And yet, I wouldn't change a thing about him.

Lyn is hard, rough and probably the best friend Iwan could have. She is an excellent supporting character.

Tommy's character could have been written so differently, but I have to say how much I appreciate the author choosing to take this path with him. I think 100 other author's would have chosen to take a different approach with Tommy but again, he was perfectly created.

Jonah has me disconcerted. I don't know what he knows, what he understands or what he feels. I think that is by design though and it is not a derogatory statement on his character. In fact, he is what gives me hope in this story.

"What do you want? Jonah called..."
..."Nothing." The wind dragged the word from Iwan's mouth."

This book is filled with innuendo and allusion and through that, and a second read-through I found myself understanding things I don't understand. Thank you Mr. Smith for a brilliant book. I will be seeking out more of your work, to be sure.

~~~

Take a look at my Male/Male Romance Book Blog:


http://www.attentionisarbitrary.blogspot.com

[Reggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Impressive writing. This is fiction and NOT romance. This is not about a relationship. This is a slice of life from a young man living in an economically depressed town.

What attracted me to buying this book is the impact this book has on its readers (as seen in the other reviews), combined with the fact that it is ONLY 29 pages. I thought, "WOW I have to experience this."

Thanks, well done. I hope that the author and Riptide submit this to the Lambda Awards Committee.

[G.B. Gordon]

Craft meets art in a perfect union. Brilliantly written, this story is short only in the number of pages. In every other respect it goes a long way and is so full -- of imagery, of emotions, of detail, of relevance that it might have burst its format at the seams were it not plotted to such a fine point. The setting is as bleak as they come, but amazingly the story, though utterly unsentimental, is not. A rare privilege to read.

[Mandy Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a rewarding read. The descriptions of the town, barracks, and characters are so well-drawn for such a short work. Highly recommended.

[Ilhem · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elyan Smith is a very talented writer : I loved how he could subtly give images and sounds of this town and its atmosphere of general resignation. I loved Iwan.

In Iwan's aimless wanderings with his friend Lyn, I recognized many young people, self made prisoners of the place they live in, their certainty that all options are closed and that there is no need to plot any future. I wanted to grab him, shake him and shout :"DREAM!!"
Really, how sad is it that you're young and you don't have foolish dreams!!

And yet, even if he didn't dream to conquer the world, Iwan had longings and when he was tired of his lonely intercourses with internet, I was so relieved that he decided to do something for himself!

And then, guess what? Options opened!
And I closed the book, hoping that he will fully embrace himself and why not, plot a future!

[Adara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent short of a guy in a small portside town who is too scared to suck dick at the local haunt because he's in the wrong body and doesn't want someone getting the wrong idea. So instead he pays for a rentboy in London, spending a lot of money he doesn't really have for the safety and courage of anonymity.

Iwan has a great voice, as does his friend Lyn. Half of the story is the setup of the two of them around town, Lyn encouraging him to just go do it down by the docks where the local 'poofters' hang.

I think my favorite line in the whole thing is probably the most heartfelt to those who are transgender: "Jealous as fuck of it," Iwan muttered, then nodded.

A great read and recommended.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great little short. It's a glimpse of a young man trying to find his way in a pretty bleak world and it's very nicely written. The tone is quite lonely and a bit dark, but it's hopeful, and so richly drawn. Very well done.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing read. I don't have anything else to add from all the other positive reviews other than I highly rec this book.

[Dumbledore11214 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have not read that much fiction with the transgendered protagonists, so I was very eager to read this story. It is beatifully written and I ached for the main character's struggle to get what he wants because of who he is and liked that he finally went for it and hope that he will get a chance to develop a relationship with the character he seems to have a feeling for. I thought the ending was just about right - enough uncertainty and hope mixed together. What annoyed me though are the settings of the story. Not the settings per se, but this unbelievable resign to the fate, it seems like all the young characters are ready to die with the city (in a metaphorical sense - they are not dying literally)? Eh how to put it? The settings reminded me of the settings in my beloved Russian stories of the 19 century. Only guess what? The whole society was rotten in many ways and people truly felt that hopelessness and no reason to assume that it could be better even if they left the small cities. What century is this again? Yes, I can buy that there are no jobs in the small cities, but get your behind and leave! Sorry, I just could not feel sympathy for that aspect of their lives, having moved to another country and having have to built a life for me and family from scratch and having to listen to their whining. That hopelessness just felt artificial to me. Yes, it is horrible for older people, because nobody wants to hire you when you are over 50, I do not think that capitalist economy is perfect or anything like that, but please, main character and his annoying friend are healthy and young. Leave, please do. Sorry, rant is over, but that is the reason why the story does not get five stars and honestly my emotional satisfaction was more like three stars, but out of respect for the writing it gets four.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am kind of confused. I dont know if the main character is a female wanting to be a male or a hermaphrodite. I am usually very smart at figuring out subtexts but I might be in a strange mood and I missed something??? I guess I will have to reread the story to see if I can figure it out.

The setting was very evocative and the writing style showed beautiful imagery but I couldnt understand why the main character didnt explore his/hers/?? issues. I would have had a lot more emotional connection to Iwan if I new of his/hers feelings and fears.

If Iwan is a hermaphrodite then why not take the chance to explore how alienated he must feel? It is pretty rare for m/m books to explore sensitive subjects like this and Im a bit disappointed that the author took the easy road and left us with this is she, is he? feeling.

My favourite part of the story is the authors writing style. It is simply beautiful. I will keep an eye out for more from this author :)

[Ery · Rating 5 out of 5]

What Lisa and Adara said. Portside is hauntingly concrete and spartan, yet vivid. Sorry, my words fail me on this one.

The story gave me a hiccup in my heart.

[Audrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very well-written novella with a subtle (surprise???) trans* narrator. The British setting and characters are vividly drawn, and I enjoyed this little glimpse into the gritty life that can be found Portside. It's not pleasant, but it feels very real. Recommended.

[D · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish this was longer. The writing is excellent at drawing the picture of the miserable life in a town past its prime.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really atmospheric and well written short story about a trans man. It revolves around his first time with another man.

[Carey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good...I could feel the gloom and hopelessness of the setting and characters very clearly. Good resolution. A well crafted short story...I'd like to read more from this author.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a bit surprised at how much I enjoyed this story, as I'd not read a transgendered book before. I did find it a bit confusing and uncomfortable at times, but I suppose that's rather the point - the confusion or opposition of body and mind images could only be that way. I think Elyan Smith wrote the dilemma very well, very convincingly, without being the least bit preachy or lecturing.

Portside is a very atmospheric story, its setting similar to many documentaries on depressed and failing areas of Britain that I've seen on the telly. Not what you'd consider a promising background to a romance - and I wouldn't call this story a romance at all. It's a slice of Iwan's life, of his journey to acceptance of what he is, and again, while not seeming the most promising subject for a story, it is very immediate and draws in the reader very quickly.

Straightaway I became aware of Iwan's pain, of the urgency of his need to find something more satisfying than porn, while being confronted with his difficulty in taking that next step and approaching someone.

His solution works well for him for now. The scene with the prostitute is touching without making it unbelievably fluffy. It never stops being realistic and, like Iwan's home setting, the setting of the London hotel bedroom next to a busy railway line keeps the protagonists, and the reader, aware of the fact that it is what it is... and nothing more. In the middle of the encounter, Iwan catches a glimpse of the money waiting on the table for Tommy, and that keeps him from making this, his first time, into any kind of romantic encounter. That was not what Iwan wanted when he went for it - he'd always wanted the down-and-dirty feel of a cock in his mouth - but the temptation to make it more is very human and Iwan does well to keep things sensible. I'm not sure how old he is, but only in his late teens I'd guess.

Iwan's story is unfinshed. We're only shown a slice of his journey. In time he needs to admit to a partner just who and what he is. In Portside Iwan deliberately chooses encounters which do not require any coming out from himself. The sex is all focused on his partner's erogenous zones, not his. Iwan's next steps will also be hard to take, but I feel he will continue to progress now he's taken this first step towards coming out. That's a term that means so much more in this transgendered novel than even the huge leap of faith in a more traditional gay story.

I read the excerpt on Riptide Publishing's website via their newsletter, and the quality of Elyan's writing was immediately evident. This made me pre-order the book, and I've not regretted doing so. To find such lyrical, well written and edited work is always a joy.

This mid-length piece has encouraged me to seek out Elyan Smith's future work, and I hope it will be longer, because I'm sure he could give us an awesome novel. I would hope the setting remains as immediate, if perhaps choosing somewhere a little more forgiving next time - perhaps a rural area. They have problems too, not all fluffy lambs and sunshine :). Also, I would love to read a more conventional m/m story from him, much as I found this transgender one really good. Again, I'd love to see what Elyan could do with that.

I have given Portside five stars for the quality of the work. The subject wouldn't be one of my favourites, so its impact on me is quite an achievement from an obviously talented author.

[Victoria Zagar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Iwan doesn't have a whole lot to hope for in his future. He's unemployed in a dying town and has sexual needs he's too uncomfortable to pursue, even though Jonah at the docks has caught his eye. Afraid that Jonah might judge him by his body and not who he really is, he decides to pay for his first sexual experience in hopes it will give him the confidence to approach Jonah and ask for what he wants.

Portside is grim reality on paper. The hopelessness and despair of living in a dying town is depicted perfectly here. I really did feel like I was back home in the U.K. for a minute, which is a hard feat to pull off after seven years away. The setting is perfect for the story - Iwan wants to have oral sex with another man, but he's too afraid to ask Jonah, the man he's been eyeing up at the barracks. Discontent with porn, he finally takes the plunge and gathers 120 pounds to see a prostitute, who gives him the courage to finally take his desires down to the docks.

Although this is a story with a trans* protagonist, trans* issues are not its focus. It's a story about a young man wanting what most young men desire - sex - but being too afraid to ask for it. It's a story that a lot of people can relate to, regardless of gender or sexual orientation - we all remember being young and the awkwardness of our first sexual experience, and Iwan's is no different.

I liked Tommy as well. It was nice to see a positive depiction of a sex worker. Tommy could have taken advantage of the vulnerable Iwan but instead gives him a positive first sexual experience that boosts his confidence. I was glad this story didn't take the dark turn it could have.

Portside isn't about romance, it's about sex and coming of age. This might turn a few people away but for me it was a positive thing. Smith steers clear of the usual tropes and tells a tale that's honest in its depiction of poverty and sexuality. I highly recommend Portside to anybody looking for a story about real people and their struggles.

This review was cross-posted to Infinite Love.

[Jody · Rating 3 out of 5]

In some ways this is a very straight forward story while in others ways it's an intense yet slightly confusing look at a young man's journey to accepting his sexuality. Along the way you find an atmospheric story with descriptive scenery and realistic language that easily immerses you and adds an intriguing layer to this young man's journey.

With the exception of Iwan, the small cast of characters are hard to feel connected to since they're not fully developed and we see them in a very peripheral way. The glimpses of them are intriguing though and I desperately wanted to know more about them as they had a profound affect on Iwan's life. As to Iwan, he seems so lost. In a town with no opportunities and a dislike of homosexuals, he seemed to just be going through the motions with no hope for anything better since there's so much beyond his control. Admitting his sexuality and acting on it IS something he can control and I admired him for finally acting on his long suppressed feelings. His wonder with the big city of London and his eye opening, life changing moments there also endeared him to me as I applauded his bold step to proclaim the truth about himself.

The strongly and beautifully presented atmospheric visuals of life in a depressed small town will be forever stamped in my mind. The attitudes and accents were realistic and added to my reading enjoyment as it was easy to lose myself in this world Elyan Smith created. Amidst the bleakness of this town came the open-ended conclusion giving a hint of hopefulness that made for a satisfying ending. With just a few small quibbles I still found this to be a thought provoking, highly emotional story that has me excited to see how this author's career evolves considering the great promise shown in this debut work.

3.5 Stars

[Connie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wonder if I was reading the wrong book or I was expecting something completely different from the blurb, as others seem to like what they got.
I can´t say the writing is anything but good. But honestly there was no story here.
A young man who watches way too much porn, doesn’t have a job still manages to get 120 GBP to pay for an escort, plus train and Hotel mind you, because he wants to blow someone and is too afraid of doing it to one of the guys, that usually do it for free, by the barracks.
He doesn´t have a job or any money at all but cigarettes and booze are always available.
Maybe is just me but it did not feel real at all.
Like I said the writing is not bad, the story lacks plot and development.
The blurb is misleading.
I don’t like giving bad reviews, I don´t do it normally but with this one I can´t help it.
I have to absolutely hate a book to give it one star, here because of the writing style it lives up to two stars.

[Jennifer Lavoie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely not what I was expecting, but good nonetheless. It was much shorter than I thought it would be, but the premise intrigued me. A very fast read, Iwan is a complex character who is not who he seems to be. When his secret is revealed I did a double-take and was backtracking through my Kindle to see if I had read it right.

The ending leaves off with him finally getting the courage to do what he had been wanting to since the beginning of the story. And I like the last bit about television, dreams, and wanting what you can't have. It resonated very well with Iwan's secret. It also broke my heart a little bit.

Worth a shot if you are looking for something different. I look forward to more from this author.

[Christine Strowbridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't think I'd like reading a short story. I mean...what can possibly be said in 30 pages? How can characters be built in that short amount of time? But, what the heck, I thought I would give it a try. Was I ever blown away? I ate this short story up and loved every single word. The characters were so colorfully written. I felt I was watching a British movie. I could see the dock, the house Iwan lived in, the hotel room, Thomas, Jonah, Lyn, just...everything. I wouldn't have thought I could read a 30 page story and feel satisfied, but I was. I loved it.

[Nicci · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating: 3.5 stars

I was drawn to the well written and evocative descriptions of the story setting. Interesting premise on gender identity and sexual orientation. I actually find myself reading non-fic articles on transgender.

Full Review: http://twlibreviews.com/2012/06/revie...

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant book. A very vivid description of a dying town. I could practically smell the salt in the air and hear the seagulls wheeling overhead. I'm slightly in awe of Elyan Smith's writing; every word is perfectly chosen. Smith is a beautiful writer, and I look forward to reading more of his work in the future.

[Kelly_Instalove · Rating 4 out of 5]

First impressions: Dark and distant, but in a good way. And yes, I know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but it's going to take me a few days to figure out how to describe where this story took me.

NOTE: I read a digital ARC provided by the publisher via NetGalley.

[Stevie Carroll · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite a cheering and optimistic story, in spite of the rather grim setting. I definitely want to see more from this author.

[Caroline The HEA Lover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hum wow. It's a very different book. Different from anything I've read so far that is. It's super hot. Very hard to describe. Just wow.

[Finn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had almost no idea how to rate this one but I have to say: huge mood. Just. Yeah.

[Liewen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A particularly well written novella about a young gay transexual man in a seaside nowhere town.
I'll definitely read more by the same author.