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499 pages, Hardcover
First published October 6, 2015
I'd seen some weird stuff in my life.
I once watched a crowd of people wearing nothing but Speedos and Santa hats job down Boylston in the middle of winter. I met a guy who could play the harmonica with his nose, a drum set with his feet, a guitar with his hands, and a xylophone with his butt all at the same time. I knew a woman who'd adopted a grocery cart and named it Clarence. Then there was this dude who claimed to be from Alpha Centauri and had philosophical conversations with Canadian geese.
"Long enough to know you're an idiot," she grumbled.
"What she's trying to say," T.J. offered, "is that hallmates always protect each other. We'll cover your escape."
The door of my room shook, Cracks spiderwebbed from the nameplate. A decorative spear off the way of the corridor.
"X!" T.J. called. "Help!"
The half-troll's door expolded off its hinges. X lumbered into the hallway as if he'd been standing just inside, waiting for the call. "Yes?"
T.J pointed. "Magnus's door. Squirrel."
X marched over and shoved his back against my door. It shuddered again, but X held firm. Enraged barking echoed from inside.
Halfborn Gunderson stumbled out of his room wearing nothing but smiley-face boxers, double-bladed axes in his hands.
"What's going on?" He glowered at Blitz and Hearth.
"Should I kill the dwarf and the elf?"
"No!" Blitzen yelped. "Don't kill the dwarf and the elf!"
"They're with me," I said. "We're leaving."
"Squirrel," T.J. explained
Halfborn's shaggy eyebrows achieved orbit. "Squirrel as in squirrel, squirrel?"
"Squirrel squirrel," Mallory agreed. "And I'm surrounded by morons morons."
A raven soared down the hall. It landed on the nearest light fixture and squawked at me accusingly.
"Well, that's great," Mallory said. "The ravens have sensed your friends' intrusion. That means the Valkyries won't be far behind."
“Could you do a glamour and turn into something smaller?” I asked it. “Preferably not a chain, since it’s no longer the 1990s?”
The sword didn’t reply (duh), but I imagined it was humming at a more interrogative pitch, like, Such as what?
“I dunno. Something pocket-size and innocuous. A pen, maybe?
The sword pulsed, almost like it was laughing. I imagined it saying, A pen sword. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
“This is an important battle – the fire lord Surt, Fenris Wolf. Surely that’s worthy of your attention.”
Thor’s right eye twitched. “That’s a fine offer. Really. I’d love to, but I have another pressing appointment – ”
“Game of Thrones,” Marvin explained.
"I did not want to be the harbinger of the wolf. I wanted to be the harbinger of ice cream, or falafel."
"Randolph shook his head in disgust. 'Those movies...ridiculously inaccurate. The real gods of Asgard—Thor, Loki, Odin, and the rest—are much more powerful, much more terrifying than anything Hollywood could concoct.'
'But...they're myths. They're not real.'
Randolph gave me a sort of pitying look. 'Myths are simply stories about truths we've forgotten.'"
"The sword pulsed, almost like it was laughing. I imagined it saying, A pen sword. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Myths are simply stories about truths we’ve forgotten.HOLY SHIT this was AMAZING.
In front, a room-service cart sat in the hallway with the severed head of a pig on a silver platter. The pig’s ears and nose looked slightly nibbled. Now, I’m not a food critic. Being homeless, I could never afford to be. But I draw the line at pig heads.The humour in this book doesn't sneak up on you. Right off the bat, Magnus is snarky, rude, sarcastic and has an inability to restrain himself from quipping that MCU Tony Stark would be proud of.
“I am a seeker of knowledge!” Odin announced.I really can't wait to read the sequels. This just became one of my favorite series of all time. At least 2020 is amounting to something.
“This has always been true. I hung from the World Tree for nine days and nights, racked with pain, in order to discover the secret of runes. I stood in line in a blizzard for six days to discover the sorcery of the smartphone.”
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BUT -with a quick look at all the other reviews, Goodreads clearly must add the Half Star to the ratings.- My rating is just 3.5, -to give it 4 is too much for my overall liking-
‘I considered everything I’d been through – death and resurrection, fishing for the World Serpent, fighting with giants, running from monster squirrels, binding a wolf on a disappearing island’
“Myths are simply stories about truths we've forgotten.”
‘Won’t you come with us? This is an important battle – the fire lord Surt, Fenris Wolf. Surely that’s worthy of your attention.’
Thor’s right eye twitched. ‘That’s a fine offer. Really. I’d love to, but I have another pressing appointment –’
‘Game of Thrones,’ Marvin explained.
‘Shut up!’ Thor raised his staff over our heads.
UPs & DOWNs , Right & Left
“Because Anno Domini, in the Year of Our Lord, is fine for Christians, but Thor gets a little upset. He still holds a grudge that Jesus never showed up for that duel he challenged him to.” “Say what now?”