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336 pages, Paperback
First published September 24, 2013
“Been chatting much with Jared?”It may feel silly, it may feel like an abundance of adolescent love, but for me, Kami and Jared's mental connection, and the anguish that results from the cutting of that connection felt so real; I understood Kami's pain. I also understood, to a lesser extent, why Jared acts out so much afterwards.
“We often have special moments where I come into a room and he immediately leaves,” Kami said. “I treasure those times.”
“Every dark moment you ever had in your life,” Jared said. “Every time you were a kid hiding under the covers convinced that nobody in the world existed, that it was just you and the nightmares. Every time you felt alone in a crowd, alone by yourself, forever and essentially alone, and don’t pretend there weren’t moments like that. Every time you felt worthless, every time you thought there was no purpose to existing, no center to the world and no peace to be found. I never had a single moment like that, I was never lonely a day of my life, until now. Now I feel like the world is hell, and hell is a place where the souls of the damned can still see heaven. Because that’s the worst thing of all. And yet I can’t look away.”And rest assured, Jared DOES act out afterwards. There is a horrifying amount of angst throughout the book regarding Ash and Jared. They both have feelings of insecurity. They both have feelings of anger. They feel inadequate. They both like Kami. Jared reacts by running away. By pushing Kami away. By reacting in anger. By being barely civil.
Ash ran then, stumbling as if he was drunk or blind, through the home of his dreams and out into the night. He ran down the path into the dark woods, until he could no longer see the lit windows of the manor on the hill. Then he sat at the foot of a tree, head in his hands, and wept.They're both in a very confusing relationship with Kami, and there's an incident of mistaken-identity kissing in the dark that I found rather amusing.
“You thought?” Angela repeated. “Like, you had a kissing hallucination?”I really liked the love triangle here, and I usually cannot tolerate love triangles at all. My problem is not the love triangle itself, but rather, how much precendence it took over the actual plot.
“It was in the corridor,” Kami said. “It was dark. I thought it was Jared but it might—it might have been Ash.”
Angela blinked. “Excuse me? Might?”
“One of those mistaken-identity makeouts,” Kami said defensively. “They happen.”
Her fingers trailed light along the line of his collarbone, nails tracing the dip at the base of his throat, and she felt the shudder run through his body. She curled her fingers in under the collar of his shirt and used her hold to pull him in again.The other characters in the book are so, so well done. There are a lot of people involved, and they all have their distinct personality. I loved them all. Angela, Holly, Rusty. Instead of leaving them sidelined, they all have their roles to play in the book, and I grew to love them as much as I did Kami. They have such personality, they have such humor. None of the characters are perfect. They react foolishly sometimes, they run away and hurt others in stressful situations; but for me, that's what makes them so much more real.
They kissed and kissed, shivering and shaking apart, neither of them daring to touch each other anywhere risky, both scared and trying not to scare the other off.
She was desperate to be hurt or used or anything, as long as she wanted it, as long as she could prove it was only this she wanted.I loved the portrayal of Angela's sexuality in this book. Angela is a lesbian. She is in love with Holly, who does not exactly return her feelings. I felt that the portrayal of Angela's hurt, her confusion about her feelings were so well done. I loved the conversation she and Kami have about sexuality. It was never preachy. It is never out of place in the book. They're just two friends having a rather awkward conversation; they still love each other, they're still best friends. It's just something they need to discuss. The portrayal of Holly's feelings were so well done as well. Just because someone professes love to you doesn't mean the feeling is reciprocated, and I understand and sympathized with Holly's hurt, her confusion, her anger.
"Every dark moment you ever had in your life. Every time you were a kid hidin under the covers convinced that nobody in the world existed, that it was just you and the nightmares. Every time you felt alone in the crowd, alone by yourself, forever and essentially alone, and don't pretend there weren't moments like that. Every time you felt worthless, every time you thought there was no purpose in existing, no center to the world and no peace to be found. I never had a single moment like that, I was never lonely a day in my life, until now. Now I feel like the world is hell, and hell is a place where souls of the damned can still see heaven. Because that's the worst thing of all. And yet I can't look away."