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How to Avoid Sex
The scourge of sex continues to degrade us, undermining the superior moral fibre of which we are capable. It seems one can't leave the house without falling prey to orgy gangs or pornographic film shoots. Rather than admonishing prurient genital tendencies, we make a sport of celebrating them. There is a mistaken belief that sexuality is a natural part of the human condition. This fallacy has plunged us into damp-crotched darkness.
This is the story of a superior man unwilling to bend to the will of society's sex addiction. This is a document detailing the lengths some of us will go to avoid sex, and why sometimes it's not as easy as one assumes.
This is the story of a superior man unwilling to bend to the will of society's sex addiction. This is a document detailing the lengths some of us will go to avoid sex, and why sometimes it's not as easy as one assumes.
- GenresBizarro Fiction
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 22, 2012
2 people are currently reading
113 people want to read
About the author
Matthew Revert
40 books94 followersMatthew Revert is a writer, musician and graphic designer from Melbourne, Australia.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
August 7, 2017
Sex. How important is it? Is it absolutely necessary in order for a relationship to work? This question is explored in the title story of this genuinely bewitching collection. Montgomery Worthington has never experienced sexual arousal. He feels as if he is superior to those around him, and, while remaining civil, he goes about his life with little personal interaction. Then he does something completely out of character. He responds to a message written on a bathroom wall and meets an equally lonely entity. His soulmate is not human. Montgomery has fallen deeply in love with a sentient chair by the name of Windsor. The pair have much in common, so much so that after dating, they retire to Windsor's apartment. Windsor has no problem expressing his sexuality, and after sitting upon his companion, Montgomery falls deeply into a well of shame. The pair were so comfortable together until their relationship turned physical. Is it possible for the alliance to continue? Both man and chair realize that they have some compromising to do. There are endlessly bizarre aspects to this story, and these unorthodox elements successfully enhance the narrative. However, looking past the absurdities, genuinely relatable situations are explored. There are several more stories within this book, and each of them imparts real emotions and circumstances that we find ourselves faced with. Don't let the absurdities throw you off. Life itself has its oddities, and sometimes it is through the extraordinary that we are able to face the truth.
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April 25, 2025Take a seat good sir
2⭐️
2⭐️
November 24, 2012
Matthew Revert is like the 21st century reincarnation of Monty Python in author form. His books are sublime, emotional, and wholly absurd. They are, simply put, amazing.
In this collection even the foreword by Matthew's (maybe imaginary: see Matthew Revert's afterword to Jordan Krall's "Beyond The Valley Of The Apocalypse Donkeys) brother is hilarious.
In the title story of this collection Montgomery Worthington narrates the tale of his discovery of the joys of relationships and sex via a message written on the wall of a toilet cubical he discovered one day whilst seeking a place of solitude to relieve himself. Montgomery is a "proper" gentleman, and as such, his voice comes across like a Monty Python sketch. In fact, the voice is so strong and interesting that despite the fact that after 50 pages all that has happened is Montgomery has gone to the toilet twice, I was compelled to continue reading. The set-up to discover just who it was that wrote the message on the toilet wall is great, Montgomery really caught my intrigue with his desire to meet the person, and his horror at the awareness of the fact it was a sexual liason.
Overall the story is quite brilliant, no less than I have come to expect from Revert's writing.
The other stories in this collection are no less exciting and absurd. I had already read a number of them through the Bizarro Starter Kit and the Copeland Valley Press starter kit. The range from obsessions about writing the word "shoes", to finding a special place inside your apartment, to picking your wife up and carrying her in a romantic gesture.
There is literally not a bad story in the bunch. A few minor technical editing errors did occassionally jolt the reading experience, but these were more than adequately compensated for by Revert's great writing and superb material.
Fans of Monty Python's Flying Circus will love this book I am sure.
In this collection even the foreword by Matthew's (maybe imaginary: see Matthew Revert's afterword to Jordan Krall's "Beyond The Valley Of The Apocalypse Donkeys) brother is hilarious.
In the title story of this collection Montgomery Worthington narrates the tale of his discovery of the joys of relationships and sex via a message written on the wall of a toilet cubical he discovered one day whilst seeking a place of solitude to relieve himself. Montgomery is a "proper" gentleman, and as such, his voice comes across like a Monty Python sketch. In fact, the voice is so strong and interesting that despite the fact that after 50 pages all that has happened is Montgomery has gone to the toilet twice, I was compelled to continue reading. The set-up to discover just who it was that wrote the message on the toilet wall is great, Montgomery really caught my intrigue with his desire to meet the person, and his horror at the awareness of the fact it was a sexual liason.
Overall the story is quite brilliant, no less than I have come to expect from Revert's writing.
The other stories in this collection are no less exciting and absurd. I had already read a number of them through the Bizarro Starter Kit and the Copeland Valley Press starter kit. The range from obsessions about writing the word "shoes", to finding a special place inside your apartment, to picking your wife up and carrying her in a romantic gesture.
There is literally not a bad story in the bunch. A few minor technical editing errors did occassionally jolt the reading experience, but these were more than adequately compensated for by Revert's great writing and superb material.
Fans of Monty Python's Flying Circus will love this book I am sure.
February 12, 2013
Another stage of evolution in one of our most interesting young writers. Revert manages to create something fresh and innovative, without falling into the complexities and gimmicks of "experimental" fiction. Instead, he finds a new ratio b/w Voice and Story that is postironic and multileveled. Highly recommended.
May 1, 2018
Oooo I definitely misjudged this one.
It's part novella and then a handful of short stories all more our less dealing with sexual issues, mainly repression and jealousy. Granted these ideas are presented in the comically bizarre, in fact the opening novella caught me off guard and produced more than one genuine belly laughs.
The novella itself is sound and rather straightforward - an extremely sexually repressed man falls in love and loses himself in his own newfound carnality. When Revert takes out certain expected things and replaces them with bizarre things, it starts to feel a bit on autopilot. The eventual spiraling out of control from the main character winds up feeling a bit ho hum in light of everything else that has gone on. There is a sense of relished defeat and obstinacy to conform to socially acceptable ways. Slick novella aside the cracks really show in the short stories that follow.
Most of them feel like sketches, the ideas tossed about a bit before being dropped altogether without reaching any kind of earned catharsis. The story about a ship captained by a man with a hook instead of a penis losing control of his men because he rescinds an anti masturbation mandate lands with a dull thud. A man driven to insanity by writing the word Shoes says something about the nature of addiction and how it can be quicksand for one person and nothing for another comes closest to saying anything, but also happens to be the most grounded in reality, and could actually have used some of the bizarre trappings to liven the work up a bit. The closing short about a boy knowingly dooming himself in an attempt to do a split to impress the girl he likes is taken to its logical conclusion and whatever Revert was trying to get at about comments of misguided young love in its purist form of devotion seems a bit hazy and unfocused.
SO basically if you want a quick laugh at the absurdity of Victorian era prudishness taken to extremes, just read the novella and skip the shorts.
It's part novella and then a handful of short stories all more our less dealing with sexual issues, mainly repression and jealousy. Granted these ideas are presented in the comically bizarre, in fact the opening novella caught me off guard and produced more than one genuine belly laughs.
The novella itself is sound and rather straightforward - an extremely sexually repressed man falls in love and loses himself in his own newfound carnality. When Revert takes out certain expected things and replaces them with bizarre things, it starts to feel a bit on autopilot. The eventual spiraling out of control from the main character winds up feeling a bit ho hum in light of everything else that has gone on. There is a sense of relished defeat and obstinacy to conform to socially acceptable ways. Slick novella aside the cracks really show in the short stories that follow.
Most of them feel like sketches, the ideas tossed about a bit before being dropped altogether without reaching any kind of earned catharsis. The story about a ship captained by a man with a hook instead of a penis losing control of his men because he rescinds an anti masturbation mandate lands with a dull thud. A man driven to insanity by writing the word Shoes says something about the nature of addiction and how it can be quicksand for one person and nothing for another comes closest to saying anything, but also happens to be the most grounded in reality, and could actually have used some of the bizarre trappings to liven the work up a bit. The closing short about a boy knowingly dooming himself in an attempt to do a split to impress the girl he likes is taken to its logical conclusion and whatever Revert was trying to get at about comments of misguided young love in its purist form of devotion seems a bit hazy and unfocused.
SO basically if you want a quick laugh at the absurdity of Victorian era prudishness taken to extremes, just read the novella and skip the shorts.
January 2, 2022
This was a bizarre ride. Like a fever dream, nothing and everything made sense.
May 13, 2013
Crap. Horrible, pointless, annoying crap. It's like the author is fucking with the readers, and not in the good way.
February 16, 2015
I really enjoy this writing style, but this is by far the weirdest book I have ever read. Not in a bad way of course.
November 27, 2015
A very beautiful portrait of my life with other cool stories. Shoes.
December 16, 2014
Very bizarre little stories that make you go hmmmmm?
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews