Tanya: Princess of the Elves

Monster Hunter International #3.7

by Larry Correia

Free MHI short story.

The epic saga of a young trailer park elf and her quest to be more like Elvis Presley. Will Tanya ever realize her dream of becoming a Hunter? Why do orcs like talk radio? Why won’t bacon stay crispy in milk? FIND OUT!

Genres: Urban Fantasy, Fantasy, Short Stories, Horror, Fiction, Paranormal, Science Fiction

42 pages, ebook

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Larry Correia (born 1977) is the New York Times bestselling author of the Monster Hunter International series, the Grimnoir Chronicles, and the thriller Dead Six.

Reviews

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the hilarious heartwarming story of Tanya, a pain-in-the-exoskeleton, cleavage-flaunting, tramp stamp tattoo-wielding, bar-top dancing, ever-flouncing, philandering chick charming Elven princess, who lives in a trailer park the beautiful, super extra lush Enchanted Forest with her foul-mouthed, Ho Ho-gorging, ranch dressing-obsessed, TV infomercial-addicted, ever-scolding, always-snoring, harpy-like progenitor super classy, graceful, compassionate, kind, delicate flower of a mother, the Queen of Elves.

Tanya loves her Elven trash forest life so much that she just can’t wait to get out of this dump become a queen like Lovely Mommy one day. Still, she is getting kinda sorta bored of doing nothing but dragging her skinny ass from the couch to Walmart and back, day-in, day-out doing charity work and would love nothing better than to do all sorts of badass stuff and frolic with bad human boys explore the world.



Such a stylish, high-class princess, our Tanya. The girl really knows hows to travel in style, if you ask me.

Lovely Mommy not only agrees that this will never happen (and if it does, it will be over her dead, triple-chinned body) with her darling child, she also believes that it will never happen (and if it does, it will be over her dead, triple-chinned body) expand Tanya’s horizons nicely, thus making her a better ruler when she ascends to the Elven Trash throne and stuff.

So all is hunky dory, Lovely Mommy nearly takes Tanya’s eye out with her favorite bunny slipper helps Tanya pack, and our tacky gentle Elven princess escapes the fish out of the trailer park with stolen cash, an iPod overflowing with Eminem songs, and her most prized possession (an Elvis Presley medallion that does wonders for her cleavage when she wears one of her super low-cut tops) is off to try and join MHI, kill herself some monsters and consort with filthy orcs broaden her trashy royal perspective.



That's pretty much the idea, yes.

Tanya is one Super Extra Lucky Elven Brat Princess (SELEBP™), because she lies and schemes her way into an MHI operation comes across some MHI badasses by pure chance as she escapes exits the trailer park Enchanted Forest, and then Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Stuff (S⁴) happens, which I can’t tell you about because a lazy, lethargic barnacle is me today spoiler spoiler spoiler. Obviously.

Okay, I’m not entirely heartless and don’t want to leave you wholly completely in the dark, so I’ll tell you this much: the story involves a guy called Exszrsd Hgth Frhnzld Wrst who moves like a kung-fu movie on fast forward, creatures who may or may not eat babies little pink, fleshy ones for breakfast, a cranky, telepathic blarg, a Fox-news junky who think foxes are the most delicious of mammals, dead elves that make great holiday decorations, killing frenzies (or lackthereof), guys whose six pack abs have six packs, and monsters that are bigger than Lovely Mommy (no small feat, this).

The end. Now let’s dance and stuff.



➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): this is Slightly Very Bloody Fishing Funny as Shrimp (SVBFFaS™), this is short, this is free, this is here. You are quite welcome.

P.S. Being polite means no decapitation. Just so you know.

• Book 1: Monster Hunter International ★★★★
• Book 2: Monster Hunter Vendetta ★★★★
• Book 3: Monster Hunter Alpha ★★★
• Book 3.5 (short story): A Halloween Public Service Announcement from MHI ★★★★
• Book 4: Monster Hunter Legion ★★★★
• Book 5: Monster Hunter Nemesis ★★★★
• Book 6: Monster Hunter Siege ★★★
• Book 7: Monster Hunter Guardian ★



[Pre-review nonsense]



This is my furry twin laughing with nefarious abandon while reading this story. In case you were wondering.

RTC and stuff.

[Trevor Okazaki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Once upon a time, in the state of Mississippi, there dwelt an elf princess. The princess lived in the Enchanted Forest with her mother, the queen of the elves, in a ninety-foot long aluminum double-wide trailer.

That's how this short story starts. For those familiar with the series it's a fun little view into a rarely seen character.

[Melindeeloo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This cute little Ed and Tanya story was a fun little fill in for MHI fans.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

That was just plain fun. Correia took a minor character from the main series and gave her some backstory in this short story. It’s ridiculous and fun and a must read for any fan of the main MHI series (and is free on the Baen website!). Reading from the POV of Tanya the elf and Edward the orc was awesome. Correia has a gift for writing stories that are genuinely entertainment.

[Michelle Craft-titze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short story about how Ed meets Tanya and how they get along despite their races being mortal enemy's this explained more to me after reading it then in his novel...It just said they had met on a mission and seemed to get along well

[Jennavier · Rating 4 out of 5]

A trailer park princess who just happens to be a literal elven princess? There is no possible way not to die laughing. So go read it and enjoy great action, funny characters, and interesting magic.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love trailer park elves!

[Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked it. Read it before the last book.

[Pat Michaels · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can you go wrong with a story with Edward the sword master from MHI.

[JM · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good send-up of that Twilight book, but set in the Monster Hunter International universe. Made me chuckle. If you like Correia, you know what to expect.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love it when I get a small look into the background of my favorite books. This short story is fun and light, and gives MHI fans a little background on Edward and a new member Tanya.

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well that explains a few things from book four. Cute.

[Nashoa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a cute and funny short story. Perfect for the series and a great intro to the characters.

[Y · Rating 4 out of 5]

True to Larry Correia style
Action-packed, funny and adds more flavor to the already engrossing world of monster hunter international

[Todd · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amusing short story about valley girl wannabe princess Tanya

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

The story of what takes place before Monster Hunter Legion, in which Tanya wants to join MHI. Enjoyable. Probably only recommended for fans though.

[MikeG · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my! This is such a fun story. A young elf princess wants more than life in the trailer park. And she gets it by running away to be a Monster Hunter. And then there is the Orc swordsman that she meets on the adventure.

[T-Dub · Rating 4 out of 5]

Too short by far. But good overall.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute story I'd read more about the Orcs

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious. I would happily read a series involving Tanya!

[Chrissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

**It's actually a short story, but I don't have a "short story" category on GR nor do I particularly feel like creating one right now. So, under "novella" it goes.

This story falls somewhere between books 2 and 4 of the MHI series. I'd wondered when Tanya had joined MHI when she showed up in Monster Hunter Legion, now I have my answer. The trailer park elves are HILARIOUS. Even moreso when Tanya wants adventure, but her mother (the queen of the elves) won't let her go any further than the nearest Walmart for more Ho-Hos with ranch dressing (don't ask - just read the story).

Short, enjoyable, fun, great for any fan of MHI.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tanya, who is princess of the elves may live in a trailer park but never forget that her Mama's the Queen. She's beautiful and just sick of living there. She gets out and meets Edward who has a 6 pack and it's not beer she's drooling over.

[Peter K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Little things like this are why I wanted a Kindle.

This short is a hilarious slice of the monster hunter international world.

Funny, violent, and imaginative. Readable online for free. I highly recommend the short read it is.

[Rhys Causon · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the lore of the MHI universe the relationship between Tanya (an elf) and Edward (an orc) always interested me because it shouldn’t be a thing so it was nice to see how it all started here.

A nice quick read and a nice character piece for some of the more unique side characters.

[KatieR · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really fun, short story about Edward the sword-wielding orc and the Elf Queen's favorite daughter, Tanya. It's very funny, but the action and story are up to par.

And it's free on the author's website! Free works for me.

[Barry Lippitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious filler novella in the MHI series

[Mary Catelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

A light tale introducing our trailer-park princess and how she got to be a Monster Hunter.

[Charl · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun little MHI short.

[Carl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Happy story. Happy ending. Hope Tanya appears in some later stories. An Elf who grows to like an Orc while working with the Monster Hunters.

[Cindy Kerwin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute. I like that they added Tanya and Edward in their own story. I hope they bring these two together as friends in another book.