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224 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 3, 2013
The team immediately understood what the next move was. It pleased me to have chosen such switched-on friends. Gemma and Toby gave me a leg-up on to the windowsill, and in no time at all I was standing on the edge of the slanted roof next to the missing gargoyle.
Through the open window I could hear Jeremy bawling, "Sesame! Sesame! Come back inside immediately!" Typical of adults to ask you to do things and then get all fidgety when you actually do them the most efficient way.
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And after dinner, just like that, they left! The cheek of it! Not telling me off for being a walking disaster--not worrying about me burning down the house--nothing. Irresponsible parenting at its finest. Vaguely worried that I'd lost my legendary talent at terrorizing the old and wrinkled, I waited until they left the house, then skipped across the First Court of college and leapt into the Porters' Lodge in the manner of the pouncing grizzly bear.
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"I was just coming to see your parents."
"Tough luck, they're out. You can leave a message after the tone." We both waited for the tone. "Beep!" I said.
"Hello, Professor and Reverend Seade," said Anthi. "I was just calling to give you the soothing essential oil I was telling you about this morning. Here it is. Goodbye!"
"To re-record your message, key hash," I declared. She didn't seem to want to re-record. "Right," I said. "What's that about?"
Anthi handed me a small green bottle. "Well, your parents told me you're . . . er . . . an energetic child . . . a little bit turbulent, let's say--and I mentioned that I sometimes use essential oil to calm down and focus. I offered to bring some round to see if it would work on you. You just have to leave it open in your bedroom and it will spread into the air."
"Wonderful," I said, plowing as furrowed a brow as I could. "An international conspiracy to pollute my airspace with toxic molecules of good behavior."
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Discreetly, I crawled up the roof and started walking on the tiny flat ledge at the very very top of it.
This is when having done a year of walking on a beam becomes a pretty good skill. In fact, I remembered I'd also learned that year to do cartwheels on a beam. I wondered if I could still do it with the added fun of a drop of death on either side. I tried and managed it absolutely fine. I was going to try another one, until I realized that a pair of bespectacled eyes was gaping at me. There was a long, awkward, heavy silence.
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On my tombstone would figure the following epitaph: Sesame Seade, sensational supersleuth. Sufficiently scolded, seldom scared.
So, to live up to that epitaph, I launched myself into the skies.
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"What's that pill for, then?" asked Toby.
"Making wild animals less wild, apparently," I replied. "If you want to put them in zoos or something, I guess."
"But why would they check if it works on humans?"
That hadn't struck me until now. "I don't know . . . I guess, maybe some humans . . . would need to be calmed down?" But as I said it I realized how chilling that sounded. And I remembered Mum's voice--"Especially children."
"Oh, I think I know," I murmered. "They want to give it to kids who are too active. To calm them down, like Anthi's Euca-licious essential oil, except that one would work."
"Blimey," whispered Toby. "When that drug comes out, Sess, I bet you'll be the first on the list of victims."
He was tragically right. I pictured a future where I would be a pale, plaited, plain, placid little teenager offering custard creams to guests and spending hours learning the harp.
"Will you still be my friend when I've become a huge bore?" I asked Toby.
"Don't think so," he replied. "But don't worry about me, I'll find someone else to hang out with."