September 2, 2020
in honor of me seeing the movie early and then seeing it again on a cheesy movie date: THE BEST MOMENTS OF THIS BOOK, NEW AND IMPROVED!!
🌷Simon putting Martin in his phone as “monkey’s asshole”
🌹I can’t believe “mom, pick me up, kids are drinking alcohol” isn’t in the book
🌷the Drarry fanfiction summer
🌹“there are some socks that shouldn’t be washed by your mom”
🌷the suck and dick nice weather typo, and Blue subsequently bringing it up, like, eight times
🌹the unfortunately correct representation of what high school theater is like. thoughts and prayers appreciated
🌷 “What’s a dementor?” she asks.
I mean, I can’t even. “Nora, you are no longer my sister.”
“So it’s some Harry Potter thing.”
🌹the entire chapter where Simon drinks a beer
🌷 "I take a sip of my beer, and it’s - I mean, it’s just astonishingly disgusting. I don’t think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I’d rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.
Anyway, it really makes you worry about all the hype surrounding sex."
🌹thanks Simon this is the best quote I’ve read in my damn life
🌷 Simon going on a rant about all the different places they came from and how they all got here and Abby replying with “slavery, in my case”
🌹I still think Abby and Leah should have ended up together, especially after that one line about how they really were just "trying to impress each other"? why was that there if they‘re both Really Straight? [WOW im right about everything]
🌷I cant believe the post-presidency Barack Obama joke wasn’t in the book because that was fucking awesome
🌹all of Simon’s email titles. especially Reese’s are better than sex
🌷“Maybe you should stop having heterosexual sex”
🌹Blue being an asshole and attaching a picture of a Reese’s to an email
🌷“Partying harder than Blue’s mom since 2014”
🌹 Wednesday is gender bender day, which basically amounts to Southern straight people cross dressing.
🌷Simon thinking Blue dressing up like a cheerleader is cute, one chapter after they sarcastically intone the concept of ogling cheerleaders.
🌹 I am literally not joking, that actually happens in this book and it took me FOUR REREADS to notice it. that is the most next-level foreshadowing I have ever seen in my whole fucking life
🌷Leah dressing extra-feminine to protest gender bender day
🌹 “being secure in your masculinity isn’t the same as being straight” –somebody finally fucking said it!!
🌷Leah’s birthday haiku for Simon
🌹“le fuck”
🌷When Blue calls Simon cute and grammatical and Simon calls him that back. wow I love love
🌹 “...or we could do things other than talking. I mean, I’m just saying” –Simon being a smooth bitch
🌷did we all just forget that Simon ran a tumblr called Passion Pit OBSESSION
🌹the part where Simon and Blue touch hands oh my god !!!!!
🌷 “I’m glad you find me distracting. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise” –Blue being a smooth bitch
🌹Simon stealing Leah’s cut your eyes to the side strategy and using it on Martin
🌷Simon giving into the Martin thing and immediately internal monologuing “I hate myself. I hate myself” is the most relatable content
🌹Abby replying to Martin hitting on her with “I do like waffles. that’s why I got them”
🌷hashtag roasted
🌹Blue’s dad getting him a book by Casanova
the fact that Blue says “as you would say, freaking Casanova” and Simon immediately replies with “FREAKING CASANOVA” that’s so pure
🌷Blue being turned on by Simon’s sentence fragments
🌹 “who are all these cute guys that make you so nervous? you better not love THEIR sentence fragments”
🌷THE FACT THAT WE’VE ALREADY SEEN BRAM FREEZE UP AROUND SIMON IN REAL LIFE AAAAAAAH
🌹Martin singing at the Waffle House
🌷How sweet and soft Abby is after Simon comes out she freaking,, has him pull over and is so nice
🌹Everything Abby does in this whole book?
🌷 “she didn’t seem to believe me when I told her I’m not sexually active, so I guess that’s flattering”
🌹Simon calling his future inlaws “Ms. Every Time Including Oral and Mr. Let’s Read About Freaking Casanova”
🌷all the conversations about letting the walls down in this book are so freaking relatable. it really does feel like there’s no going back once you tell one person and I’m so impressed that Becky Albertalli managed to get that down.
🌹THE ENTIRETY OF PAGE 129
🌷a sophomore snuck into the chem lab and got his junk stuck in a beaker?
🌹Taylor getting more characterization than basic mean girl !! [make her Leah's love interest in Leah on the Offbeat. I beg and pray]
🌷Blue slipping a joke about how good Simon is at distracting him into his Upset Monologue
🌹 “It’s like he’s our age telling his parents he knocked someone up. Which is totally the straight person equivalent of coming out” –Simon being a freaking savage
🌷I don’t know about you but I can’t read the why is straight the default paragraph without thinking about OH GOD HELP ME JESUS from the movie
🌹and Blue replying with “the Homosexual Agenda” I’m freaking crying
🌷“You have me curious. Banana? Hot dog? Cucumber?” –a real thing Simon actually typed and sent
🌹“More like a giant baguette” –a real thing Blue actually typed and sent
🌷“I love your giant baguette” –a real thing Simon actually typed and sent
🌹Simon calling Blue “my Jewish-Episcopalian email boyfriend” in his internal monologue
🌷the fact that Nick likes to talk about social media as a vehicle for constructing and performing identity... a mess
🌹“Whatever the hell that means” —Simon
🌷 “Who would post something like that?” “Someone who doesn’t know that “anal buttsex” is redundant”
🌹“I’m pregnant”
🌷the fucking smiley face on page 171
🌹Simon calling Target “an office supply Justice League”
🌷 “one girl even confirms that Jesus still loves me”
🌹HERE IT IS GUYS. THE MOST ICONIC AND RELATABLE LINE FROM THIS WHOLE BOOK:
🌷the fact that Simon says this about Bram, the most heterosexual of straights, the straightest, just call him Straighty McHetero
🌹AUDITIONS !! SIMON CALLING BRAM CUTE !! WOW IF PAGE 195 AINT A PAGE
🌷also Simon’s entire arc means the fucking world to me and I am so proud of him
🌹why does Simon get drunk so much in this book
🌷the Elliot Smith shirt !!
🌹Simon trying to crank Sufjan Stevens and it going about as well as you could expect
🌷the NOTE IN THE SHIRT
🌹ALL OF THE FERRIS WHEEL SCENE. PAGE TWO SIXTY SIX TO TWO SIXTY EIGHT IN THE US HARDCOVER EDITION WOW LOVE IS REAL 👏👏👏
🌷 “Bram’s gone too. how strange :)” —Abby being a savage
🌹“you’re THE cute guy” —BRAM BEING THE MOST ROMANTIC
🌷SHOUT OUT OUR ANNIVERSARY EVERY WEEK
🌹Bram’s dad using Casanova being bisexual as a reply to him coming out
🌷the fact that a 2015 bestselling YA novel used the word bisexual twice and it’s 2018 and I still feel like I have to recognize that
🌹the “happy two day anniversary!!!!!!!!!” text
🌷“don’t you dare cry” “what? no way” *has a full breakdown*
🌹WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH OTHER PEOPLE KISSING
🌷WHEN I COULD BE KISSING YOU
aaaaaaanddddddd most importantly
🌹in case you wanted one, here is a catalogue of every time They interact within this story and it is valid
that’s all, folks, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk !! please read this book it’s eight levels of purity, cleansed my soul, and made me into the lesbian I am today. also I technically read most of it from 4 am to 6 am on Jan 18 because priorities, and if that's not an endorsement, what is?
→ elise nitpicks her faves ←
Nick is lowkey there for added heterosexual romance drama, there is a reference to coming out being easier for gay girls that I think is an oversimplification, and that is literally it. I do my best to criticize things but my guy sometimes you just gotta accept masterpieces for what they are
Blog | Goodreads | Twitter | Youtube

🌷Simon putting Martin in his phone as “monkey’s asshole”
🌹I can’t believe “mom, pick me up, kids are drinking alcohol” isn’t in the book
🌷the Drarry fanfiction summer
🌹“there are some socks that shouldn’t be washed by your mom”
🌷the suck and dick nice weather typo, and Blue subsequently bringing it up, like, eight times
🌹the unfortunately correct representation of what high school theater is like. thoughts and prayers appreciated
🌷 “What’s a dementor?” she asks.
I mean, I can’t even. “Nora, you are no longer my sister.”
“So it’s some Harry Potter thing.”
🌹the entire chapter where Simon drinks a beer
🌷 "I take a sip of my beer, and it’s - I mean, it’s just astonishingly disgusting. I don’t think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I’d rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.
Anyway, it really makes you worry about all the hype surrounding sex."
🌹thanks Simon this is the best quote I’ve read in my damn life
🌷 Simon going on a rant about all the different places they came from and how they all got here and Abby replying with “slavery, in my case”
🌹I still think Abby and Leah should have ended up together, especially after that one line about how they really were just "trying to impress each other"? why was that there if they‘re both Really Straight? [WOW im right about everything]
🌷I cant believe the post-presidency Barack Obama joke wasn’t in the book because that was fucking awesome
🌹all of Simon’s email titles. especially Reese’s are better than sex
🌷“Maybe you should stop having heterosexual sex”
🌹Blue being an asshole and attaching a picture of a Reese’s to an email
🌷“Partying harder than Blue’s mom since 2014”
🌹 Wednesday is gender bender day, which basically amounts to Southern straight people cross dressing.
🌷Simon thinking Blue dressing up like a cheerleader is cute, one chapter after they sarcastically intone the concept of ogling cheerleaders.
🌹 I am literally not joking, that actually happens in this book and it took me FOUR REREADS to notice it. that is the most next-level foreshadowing I have ever seen in my whole fucking life
🌷Leah dressing extra-feminine to protest gender bender day
🌹 “being secure in your masculinity isn’t the same as being straight” –somebody finally fucking said it!!
🌷Leah’s birthday haiku for Simon
🌹“le fuck”
🌷When Blue calls Simon cute and grammatical and Simon calls him that back. wow I love love
🌹 “...or we could do things other than talking. I mean, I’m just saying” –Simon being a smooth bitch
🌷did we all just forget that Simon ran a tumblr called Passion Pit OBSESSION
🌹the part where Simon and Blue touch hands oh my god !!!!!
🌷 “I’m glad you find me distracting. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise” –Blue being a smooth bitch
🌹Simon stealing Leah’s cut your eyes to the side strategy and using it on Martin
🌷Simon giving into the Martin thing and immediately internal monologuing “I hate myself. I hate myself” is the most relatable content
🌹Abby replying to Martin hitting on her with “I do like waffles. that’s why I got them”
🌷hashtag roasted
🌹Blue’s dad getting him a book by Casanova
the fact that Blue says “as you would say, freaking Casanova” and Simon immediately replies with “FREAKING CASANOVA” that’s so pure
🌷Blue being turned on by Simon’s sentence fragments
🌹 “who are all these cute guys that make you so nervous? you better not love THEIR sentence fragments”
🌷THE FACT THAT WE’VE ALREADY SEEN BRAM FREEZE UP AROUND SIMON IN REAL LIFE AAAAAAAH
🌹Martin singing at the Waffle House
🌷How sweet and soft Abby is after Simon comes out she freaking,, has him pull over and is so nice
🌹Everything Abby does in this whole book?
🌷 “she didn’t seem to believe me when I told her I’m not sexually active, so I guess that’s flattering”
🌹Simon calling his future inlaws “Ms. Every Time Including Oral and Mr. Let’s Read About Freaking Casanova”
🌷all the conversations about letting the walls down in this book are so freaking relatable. it really does feel like there’s no going back once you tell one person and I’m so impressed that Becky Albertalli managed to get that down.
🌹THE ENTIRETY OF PAGE 129
🌷a sophomore snuck into the chem lab and got his junk stuck in a beaker?
🌹Taylor getting more characterization than basic mean girl !! [make her Leah's love interest in Leah on the Offbeat. I beg and pray]
🌷Blue slipping a joke about how good Simon is at distracting him into his Upset Monologue
🌹 “It’s like he’s our age telling his parents he knocked someone up. Which is totally the straight person equivalent of coming out” –Simon being a freaking savage
🌷I don’t know about you but I can’t read the why is straight the default paragraph without thinking about OH GOD HELP ME JESUS from the movie
🌹and Blue replying with “the Homosexual Agenda” I’m freaking crying
🌷“You have me curious. Banana? Hot dog? Cucumber?” –a real thing Simon actually typed and sent
🌹“More like a giant baguette” –a real thing Blue actually typed and sent
🌷“I love your giant baguette” –a real thing Simon actually typed and sent
🌹Simon calling Blue “my Jewish-Episcopalian email boyfriend” in his internal monologue
🌷the fact that Nick likes to talk about social media as a vehicle for constructing and performing identity... a mess
🌹“Whatever the hell that means” —Simon
🌷 “Who would post something like that?” “Someone who doesn’t know that “anal buttsex” is redundant”
🌹“I’m pregnant”
🌷the fucking smiley face on page 171
🌹Simon calling Target “an office supply Justice League”
🌷 “one girl even confirms that Jesus still loves me”
🌹HERE IT IS GUYS. THE MOST ICONIC AND RELATABLE LINE FROM THIS WHOLE BOOK:
I’m just so sick of straight people who can’t get their shit together
🌷the fact that Simon says this about Bram, the most heterosexual of straights, the straightest, just call him Straighty McHetero
🌹AUDITIONS !! SIMON CALLING BRAM CUTE !! WOW IF PAGE 195 AINT A PAGE
🌷also Simon’s entire arc means the fucking world to me and I am so proud of him
🌹why does Simon get drunk so much in this book
🌷the Elliot Smith shirt !!
🌹Simon trying to crank Sufjan Stevens and it going about as well as you could expect
🌷the NOTE IN THE SHIRT
🌹ALL OF THE FERRIS WHEEL SCENE. PAGE TWO SIXTY SIX TO TWO SIXTY EIGHT IN THE US HARDCOVER EDITION WOW LOVE IS REAL 👏👏👏
🌷 “Bram’s gone too. how strange :)” —Abby being a savage
🌹“you’re THE cute guy” —BRAM BEING THE MOST ROMANTIC
🌷SHOUT OUT OUR ANNIVERSARY EVERY WEEK
🌹Bram’s dad using Casanova being bisexual as a reply to him coming out
🌷the fact that a 2015 bestselling YA novel used the word bisexual twice and it’s 2018 and I still feel like I have to recognize that
🌹the “happy two day anniversary!!!!!!!!!” text
🌷“don’t you dare cry” “what? no way” *has a full breakdown*
🌹WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH OTHER PEOPLE KISSING
🌷WHEN I COULD BE KISSING YOU
aaaaaaanddddddd most importantly
🌹in case you wanted one, here is a catalogue of every time They interact within this story and it is valid
that’s all, folks, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk !! please read this book it’s eight levels of purity, cleansed my soul, and made me into the lesbian I am today. also I technically read most of it from 4 am to 6 am on Jan 18 because priorities, and if that's not an endorsement, what is?
→ elise nitpicks her faves ←
Nick is lowkey there for added heterosexual romance drama, there is a reference to coming out being easier for gay girls that I think is an oversimplification, and that is literally it. I do my best to criticize things but my guy sometimes you just gotta accept masterpieces for what they are
Blog | Goodreads | Twitter | Youtube
