It should have been Tracey Yokas’s time to heal. With the recent death of her mother, she was given a brand-new chance to redefine herself and her happiness on her own terms. But just as she prepares herself to spread her wings, Tracey discovers that her only child, Faith, is battling issues of her own—carrying forward the legacy of disordered eating, depression, and self-harm Tracey is so desperate to leave behind.
Tracey is determined to save her daughter, but she has no idea how to reach her—and as their fragile family navigates a medical system and a societal fabric that fails innumerable families in need, she and Faith become near strangers to each other. Ultimately, it’s only when Tracey begins the hard work of standing up to her own history of rejection, low self-esteem, and longing does healing—for both mother and daughter—become possible.
Carrying a message made urgent by the epidemic of mental health challenges now besetting millions of American teens each year, Bloodlines is a story about how waking up to the power of love can allow us to reimagine the past—and fortify the present
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through Goodreads Giveaway.
This memoir details the heart-wrenching story of a family's journey through a daughter's struggle with mental illness, eating disorders, and self-harm. Through these difficult topics, Yokas weaves a narrative of love, commitment, self-exploration, and a never-give-up attitude that are truly inspiring.
Memoirs are difficult to judge, because the story is so deeply personal to the writer and because the narrative doesn't always follow the path the writer might wish it to. Yokas describes in her afterward that she has already given this narrative a second pass to make it more coherent and to tell more of her own story interwoven with her daughter's, and though I haven't read the first version, I do think this version is stronger for that inclusion.
What seems to be missing for me is a deeper reflection into some of the generational patterns and the pursuant trauma. For example, while it seems that Yokas is trying to paint her husband as a sympathetic figure, his behaviors are hugely problematic -- reminiscent of behavior patterns in her parents' and even grandparents' respective marriages. Yokas touches on this, but seems to veer away from a full exploration of that part of the story. Yes, there may be a genetic component to the "bloodline" of anxiety she and her daughter experience... but the environment these women each grow up in cannot be helping that. The emotional abuse and neglect are real, and painful to read.
In her afterward, Yokas explains that she wants this book to "remove stigma, fear, and shame around mental illness and established constructs of self-harm[...]," and in this I think she succeeds beautifully. I hope that her story brings hope to families facing these difficulties, and allows them to explore their own constructs that may be precipitating their mental illness and unhealthy coping mechanisms. And I hope that these families are also able to explore the social and familial constructs that contribute to their mental illness, and get support with those as well.
What a beautiful, powerful, and moving story of a mother’s love for her daughter, as they both journey toward healing.
Reeling from her own mother’s unexpected death, Tracey Yokas discovers that her thirteen-year-old daughter is struggling with an eating disorder and self-harm. Tracey and her husband exhaust every option to help her, only to have their daughter make little progress or relapse even further into her dark world.
Tirelessly, Tracey digs deep, into books, therapy, journal writing, as well as into her own past and into what she learns her daughter needs most. With determination and incredible willpower, she finds the strength to step back (while still being there) and let her daughter make her own way out of the darkness—the hardest thing any mother can do.
As Tracey reflects on her own life-long struggle with weight and poor self-image and her troubled relationship with a distant mother, she realizes that silence is never the answer. In fact, it’s downright harmful. This strikingly honest and intimate memoir is the author’s response to just that—the necessity to talk openly about mental health challenges.
Bravo to her for writing this brave and bold memoir and to her husband and, especially, her daughter for their unwavering support.
The writing is impeccable. The emotion heartfelt and genuine. The topic of dire importance. Get ready to be moved to tears—both happy and sad.
Tracey Yokas book follows her family's journey at a very dark time as they grapple with their daughter's mental health crisis. On each page I could feel all the fear, hurt, anger, sadness and confusion they were feeling. Her writing places the reader right there with them! This is a story worth reading. We all have mental health and we can all end up in an unexpected place. She passes on some well learned lessons about family and the people there to help us. I highly recommend this book!
In Bloodlines, Tracey Yokas delivers a searing, soul-baring memoir that dares to speak aloud what so many mothers silently endure: the anguish of watching a beloved child unravel, while reckoning with the ghosts of one’s own upbringing. Told with unflinching honesty and immense heart, this is not only a story about a daughter’s mental health crisis, but also a courageous journey of generational healing, self-discovery, and fierce maternal love. When Tracey discovers her teenage daughter, Faith, is suffering from a painful inheritance of disordered eating, depression, and self-harm—Tracey’s own buried trauma surfaces. The plot twist emerges when Tracey wanted to save her daughter then realized, to save her she had to save (love) herself first. In this deeply personal prose, Yokas lays bare the emotional dissonance of a family in crisis—how the bond between mother and daughter can both fray and fortify under pressure. As she and Faith navigate an inadequate mental health care system, the disconnection between them grows more harrowing. “We sat in the same room but were worlds apart,” she recalls. “I could no longer read her pain. I could barely face my own.” What makes Bloodlines stand apart is its refusal to offer easy answers. Instead, it dives into the messy, necessary work of healing generational wounds. Yokas shares how her efforts to understand and support Faith forced her to confront the rejection, low self-worth, and perfectionism instilled during her own childhood. In doing so, she discovers that the path to helping her daughter is paved not with control, but with vulnerability and self-compassion. “Love is not a Band-Aid,” she reflects. “It’s a mirror. It shows you who you are and dares you to become who you were always meant to be.” Yokas does not shy away from the raw truths of mothering through mental illness. Nor does she sanctify her own journey—she’s as critical of herself as she is compassionate. The result is a memoir that reads like both a confession and a call to arms: for better mental health care, for generational awareness, and for women to stop diminishing their own pain. Bloodlines is especially resonant in a cultural moment where teen mental health is at the forefront of national concern. But beyond the headlines, this book is about what it means to show up, day after painful day, for someone you love—and for yourself. “We don’t always get to choose the stories we inherit,” Yokas writes. “But we damn well get to choose what we do with them.” I highly recommend this powerful, gorgeously written memoir, Tracey Yokas has done just that. She has taken her story—and her daughter’s—and turned it into something urgent, beautiful, and deeply necessary. This read for any mother who has faced similar challenges stemming from low self-esteem. Bravo Tracey!
I was torn between a 3 or 4 star rating and was wishing we had half stars because I think I'd go with a 3.5 because it was somewhat better than average but not "perfect" or totally satisfying -- for me. That is no bad reflection on the author however. I feel like it grabbed my attention but there were a few places it kind of seemed to be dragging and repetitive. I personally majored in social work and mental health so I know a decent amount about eating disorders but not everyone does. Nor do they know a lot about cutting. I think that some factual information about both could be helpful for some readers. I also wish Faith could have added even a few pages from HER perspective about what was and wasn't helpful, what triggered or triggers relapses, what coping skills help her and why does she think her self esteem was so low? Is it still low? I also found that I could identify with both the author Tracey and her daughter, Faith. I struggle with self esteem myself. I have had long held struggles with my weight and body image. I am finally doing better with getting to a healthier weight for me. I have had therapy, struggled with disordered eating and self harm in the past but never where I needed stitches. My background includes having gone through abuse. I was too afraid to tell back as a child and then as a teen, self harm became a way of coping with pain. I can assure you that there are MUCH better ways! A solid read over all.
Tracey Yokas has crafted a gorgeous, heartbreaking and healing memoir with "Bloodlines." She experienced one of the deepest pains a mother can endure, and turned her life into a powerful witness to love, loyalty, and compassion. Many of us will relate to her experiences, and take hope in her courageously facing her own history, step-by-step, to lift herself and her family out of a very dark time.
Tracey's vivid and heartfelt remembrances take the reader into the heart of her story. If we're in a similar situation, we'll find a true friend. Tracey will help us navigate the terrain by generously confiding her qualms and options as she sought care for her daughter.
Tracey is now a leading advocate to bring conversations around mental health into our every day lives. Consider how this book can be an introduction to those conversations in your world. There are discussion questions in the back, too!
A mother's love for her daughter can sometimes be unbelievably complex and we have a front row seat into Tracey’s and her daughter’s work toward healing. Generational healing as well as individual healing. Many years ago my acupuncturist mentioned to me that in traditional chinese medicine (TCM) a mother plays the key role in her family. Hence the health of the mother should be protected by all means. In Bloodlines Tracey does just this for herself. And it is depicted in this lovely, stirring, and compelling story. The writing is flawless and the feeling I got when reading her book felt sincere, and real. This is a critically important subject at a time when we need more mental health support and folks like Tracey modeling to us what it looks like to have both feet planted in their growth and healing. Prepare to go the gambit of emotions from tears of happiness to sadness and back to inner peace. It’s all there!
A deeply moving memoir with multiple lessons and themes, I read this beautiful book in just a few days. I value truth and transparency as stories such as this are what helps others see and find themselves. We all hide and this is a story about some of the ways that we do so: with our food (over and under-eating), with self-harm, with sarcasm, in addiction and recovery, and with silence when we don't have the words or the courage to speak our truth. This memoir speaks so much about the power of love in the face of some very heavy odds and dark days, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Most importantly, it is an important story about not giving up on ourselves or on those we deeply love-because one day, we will look back and see how resilient and courageous we were when life was really hard.
Bloodlines reads like a movie taking you from scene to scene. I couldn't put it down. The dedication of this family to help their daughter and each other is refreshing. No one looks away when their lives get shattered over and over again. Tracey writes with refreshing rawness and allows us into her secret spaces. I was on the edge of my seat reading through the trauma they endured. Love kept them bound to each other. I am an honored reader of an advanced copy of "Bloodlines: A Memoir of Harm and Healing." Go ahead and order your copy now. You won't be disappointed. I left off specifics so I don't spoil the story for you. Instead, I will add words: anorexia, cutting, body issues, depression, healing, and family.
Yokas's life was upended when her daughter got sick—anorexia and depression that would leave the family scrambling for answers and solutions and her daughter shuttled from one programme to another. In Bloodlines, Yokas describes her experience with that scramble: fear and trauma and figuring things out; learning a new language for what her daughter was going through and trying to make it clear to her husband that mental illness was not a choice and not their daughter trying to punish them; wrestling with what it means to be trying to get your child through an eating disorder when you are still struggling with your own relationship with your body.
I appreciate the note at the end where Yokas says, directly and clearly, that she had her family's permission to tell this story—not that I had reason to think otherwise, but memoir is a tricky thing; there's the rare person out there who can write a memoir that is only about themselves (like...I've read more than one memoir by people who went and marooned themselves on desert islands), but mostly memoir involves telling not only parts of your own story but, necessarily, parts of other people's stories. Sometimes the line of what is yours to tell and what is not is crystal clear; sometimes it is fuzzy. I'm always glad when writers recognize and address that balance, whether that means seeking permission or intentionally leaving out details that might affect other people. (And, well. Sometimes it means addressing it and then telling your full story anyway. I cannot really relate, but I am quite certain that there are times when it is the best option.)
The book moves through something of a frenzied desperation to fix things, and despair, and eventually an unsettled acceptance that you can't fix everything...and sometimes, compromise is the best you can hope for, and that's okay. The book takes place (more or less) in California, though to me it felt inexplicably midwestern. It's straightforward writing, but I think it's at its most interesting when Yokas talks about knowing something intellectually but having trouble applying it in real life—knowing that a child struggling with an eating disorder probably doesn't need to see a parent on a diet, knowing that asking kids to censor themselves when talking about their family with outsiders is not a sign that all is well—because that's something that we probably all come up against at some point or another (or all the time!), but it's not something I see written about all that much.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
Mental health awareness is more important than ever and Tracey Yokas has shared an intimate account of her daughter's eating disorder that is raw, honest, and courageous. In trying to save her daughter, Yokas shows us that she had to take an unflinching look at herself and her own childhood to find the answers. For anyone with a daughter, and all of us with a mother, we need to read this book to be reminded that we must be compassionate toward ourselves before we could begin to help others. And when we see a loved one hurting, it takes a great deal of wisdom to realize that we cannot change them, and they must be in charge of their own recovery. As when I've read other pieces by Yokas, I was moved to the core and felt seen and understood. I couldn't ask for more from a book.
This is a powerful and compelling memoir that doesn’t shy away from the hardest parts of healing. The pain is raw, the confusion is real, and the author understands that some of the most important questions we ask, scream, or sob may never be answered to our satisfaction. At the same time, this memoir never feels overwhelming or depressing and offers beautiful and important lessons on hope, honesty, and compassion. I loved the discussion questions in the back, and this is a must-read for anyone who has struggled with mental health issues or who knows what it's like to care for someone with mental health challenges. Highly recommend!
Tracey Yokas generously shares a deeply personal story that offers hope to families dealing with depression, self harm, eating disorders, and more. When her teen daughter Faith has a mental health crisis, the author not only steps into full-on mama bear mode, she awakens to her own childhood experiences. In so doing, Tracey discovers and shares important and compassionate insights that lead to profound healing of old, deep-seated wounds, as well as establishing a new family dynamic of healing and optimism.
In this story of a mother's journey to help her child struggling with an eating disorder and cutting, Tracey doesn't hold back. Her honesty and courage in sharing the ups and downs of finding the care her daughter needed, along with caring for her husband and herself, will help others who read her words. Her story pulls back the curtain on how complicated the mental health system is, the importance of advocating for one's needs, and taking the initiative on finding the best solutions. If you or your family is facing challenges with mental illness, this book will give you comfort and hope.
I really like the way in which this book openly talks about the raw pain of a parent coping with their child's mental health issues, and the havoc it reeks on the child and those who love her. Yokas has gotten her now adult daughter's permission to tell this story, with their hope that it can educate, help, and support many other families coping with serious mental health issues. I have no doubt it will!
I'm speaking to some students soon about how they can write their story, even when their story includes difficult things. I'm going to recommend they read this book. The author is clear eyed and honest and does what, in what in my opinion is the BEST thing to do . . . she offers the reader hope. This book will help a lot of people. It certainly helped me.
I got to read this through book club and it was amazing to read and stimulated great conversation! The book brings up powerful messages about the familial and cyclic nature of trauma and mental health struggles and the importance of taking the time to heal yourself before being able to really help others heal. Would highly recommend this reading this book!
Wow, beautifully written. Thank you Tracy for sharing your families story. This is such a raw, honest, emotional read. I won this as a Goodreads giveaway. Thank you to the author, publisher, and Goodreads.
Such a hauntingly honest and relevant story that so many teens face today along with the emotional toll on the family. A fantastic and well written book. A must read whether this effects you directly, or not, about metal health and self-worth and so much more.
Tracey Yokas shines her light into dark areas in a relatable way: grief, trauma, mental illness, to name a few.... There are layers here and nuance as well as love, determination & compassion. It's an important and modern story.
Wow, this was a powerful read and I’m thankful the author and her daughter had the courage to share their story! It provided detailed insight into the mental health struggle of a teen and her parents and their collective participation in a system that’s supposed to help them. Highly recommend, not only for those who have experienced an eating or self harm disorder, but also for those who have not so they can empathize with those who have.
Although Tracey and my experiences are not exactly the same, I think we all share some common struggles in both growing up and raising children. Bloodlines gave me so much to think about, reflect upon, and consider. It opened my eyes to how deeply family patterns shape us, often in ways we don’t even realize. Tracey's honesty in sharing her journey is courageous. It is an important read for all of us. We can all benefit from the knowledge Tracey shares. Whether you are a parent, a grandparent, an educator, or a healthcare provider, this book will have a positive impact on your relationships. It helped me change my thinking, my behavior, and my understanding of our words, both spoken and unspoken.