✰ 2.25 stars ✰
“Everyone had a shadow. A secret. Something that they’d done, or could do, or that had happened to them that was so dark it followed them everywhere.”
I've noticed a recent trend lately, in which authors who usually only wrote for a specific target audience are venturing into other waters, by testing their writing with another audience in mind. Maybe it's something that's always been done, but I'm definitely seeing it a lot more - or maybe I'm just paying attention. And for me, some have succeeded in being met with positive feedback, some have been received with disappointing results. 💫
Unfortunately, Ally Condie's first foray into writing for an adult audience falls into the latter; which is a shame, because it was one I was interested in reading, considering how I did enjoy the one book I've read by her. 😞
“She was a heart longing for a family she no longer had and a brain thinking about things it shouldn’t and nerve endings reaching out in every direction.”
When her husband, Luke suddenly decides to walk away from their marriage of nearly twenty years, rather than let their deposit on their twentieth anniversary trip to the cliffside resort at Big Sur, California go to waste, high school teacher Ellery decides to head there on her own - giving her the much-needed chance to move on from him, despite how much she woefully regrets not being able to save a life that she wanted to have last forever. A life that consisted of a loving doting husband and three beautiful caring children - when for the most part, her happy presumption on her marriage had been nothing but a farce and a lie. 'Her beautiful little family, that she’d spent her entire adult life creating and working toward.' And it's not only the crushing weight of this realization that weighs heavily on her, but how she is still visibly shaken - still haunted by the aftermaths of a tragic accident - one that brought her painfully close to the cusp of life and death leaving with a rather strange fixation on mortality and the dynamic of youth and adulthood.
She wasn't quite expecting, though, a wedding to be taking place at the same time during her stay - a painful reminder of how her own life did not get the happily ever after as this joyous occasion promised. The momentous day quickly turns sour when the groom fails to show up - The Unwedding that never happened, resulting in everyone being on edge and blaming the other for his no-show. But, nothing could have quite prepared Ellery for being the unfortunate soul that stumbled upon a floating dead body in the early morning of a rainstorm - shocked to discover that it is the groom, himself. 😦 With a looming storm on the horizon and the evident threat of a murderer on the loose, intent on claiming his next victim at any given instant, it becomes a sharp course for survival as she has to steer clear not only of her own painful traumatic past and heartbreak that continues to eat away at her, but also to navigate the stormy weather of thorny guests and grieving relatives - with the knowledge that any one of them could be the murderer. 😥
I'll try to highlight as many positive aspects there were - as few as they sadly were.
“When you were not a person anymore. You were a nerve ending. You were loss. You had become nothing and yet you felt everything.”
Ellery's character growth is an admirable one, if you can look beyond certain quibbles that I still found bothersome, that is; she pushes herself to take chances that she would not have done so in the past, going out of her comfort zone to try new things and approach others. She was always an observant person - a silent shadow in her own right that made it easy for her to be so inconspicuous that one would not suspect her of anything. Merely an unwilling spectator in someone else's grief - one that she was firmly against and tried her very best to assist in whatever capacity she could. 'Otherwise the sadness monster could get you. It was always waiting for any sign of weakness.' 😟 Even without any standing connection to the wedding party, she was involved and willing to help out - resourceful in her own right. And by being otherwise occupied, it helped her slowly overcome her own shortcomings and misgivings - a welcome distraction, albeit a painful one that made her see how much of herself was still worth caring for - rather than letting herself go in despair and loneliness. How she eventually got her own personal closure of letting go of holding on so tightly to someone that she could no longer have. It hurts to accept and admit, but after her eventful stay - it definitely opened her eyes to how much she was missing out on, if she didn't learn to move on. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
The writing excelled in successfully capturing the claustrophobic feel that came with the resort being closed off from everyone. With an imminent storm warnings on the horizon, which then cut the resort and their guests off from the rest of the world, it created an unsettling claustrophobic feel to it that enriched the locked mystery sense even further of being even more isolated than ever. 👍🏻👍🏻 'The resort, the people, the things that felt out of place, she herself—the ocean and the trees were what she needed.' The atmospheric details of shadowy unease heightened the mood and made the fear and tension more prevalent as it inched closer to a more foreboding feeling. It was interesting to see how such an idyllic setting could be turned into a nightmare for those in attendance - one where they were desperate to get away from, but had no means of escape. 🚪🌊
And now, where it suffered.
“Stop trying. Stop crying. You can’t resurrect things. Everything does end.
Not us, she’d wanted to say, not this family, because even though she knew they were all mortal she hadn’t thought they’d end this way, this soon.”
Despite the message of being able to appreciate one's own self-worth and not to let misery completely consume oneself is an important one, which I do believe everyone should adhere to, it pains me to say how very tedious it was to get to that moment of epiphany for Ellery. That the path to learning that lesson was overwrought with writing that just made it so difficult to really sympathize with Ellery - a certain disconnect from me to her. Even that final moment of peace wasn't as gratifying as it should have been; one other reason was Ellery, herself. 🙂↔️ I found myself rather at odds with her personality and behavior, at times. 'Everyone had a person. Everyone else’s lives were going so well. It wasn’t that she wanted their lives. She wanted her own life back.' She had this strange fixation on familiarity, being so dismissive of others' opinions, while still wanting to feel like she belonged - and feeling upset when she's called out on not really being a member of the wedding party. 😕 And I know that I'm not a mother, so I don't can't speak about motherhood, but I couldn't understand why she was so desperate to get back to her children - this clinging feeling that they couldn't survive on their own or even vice versa - almost as if she was dependent upon them. Maybe it's not fair to be so judgmental of it, but it just felt odd to me. I know there was an explanation for it, but I just couldn't get behind it, sadly. 🙎🏻♀️
Numerous plot inconsistencies made it difficult for me to be totally on board with not only the mystery, but also connect to the characters. Like, literally - none of the characters stood out - in any way. I think it had to do with the fact that Ellery was in fact a gate-crasher of the un-wedding - one who just happened to be at the most unfortunate moments and somehow got involved in their tragedy. It only worsens when the murders continue and makes it even more tantamount for the characters to unite. 😥 'Where was nice in all of that mess and loss and complexity and humanness?' However, I just couldn't see any real trust developing amongst them - mainly, how Ellery, herself was not only keeping others at arm's length, but so very keen on reminding others and herself that she doesn't owe anything to anyone. And yet, she so very much wants to be a part of something - to make new friends, even if it is with those who are mere acquaintances at first. It just contradicted itself at each point that left me wondering is this trip really worth the effort? 😮💨
“She was alone, cut off physically as well as emotionally from the people she loved and the life she knew, and the uncertainty of when she’d get back to them in any way felt untenable.”
I also found it odd that it is hinted plenty of times that some characters have secrets or it is alluded to that they may have a deeper connection to certain plot theories, which then are never fully expanded on! Complete character traits that are never further developed, while certain reveals are suddenly thrown at you without any declaration or foresight! It became difficult even to distinguish each character from the other - and that rarely happens to me! I think, mainly lies in the fault of Ellery being the - well, in a way, a rather unreliable narrator. 'You don’t even know me, she’d thought. I owe you nothing.' 🙍🏻♀️ One that is still on unstable footing since her accident and her recent divorce that she seems to speculate more than she should about even the most normal of things. Primarily in regards to the school accident - it was strange to see that as much as it continued to be a source of discomfort for Ellery - certain aspects of it were touched upon that really had no effect in the grand scope of things. So it made me wonder why mention it, at all? 🤔
The formatting of the book also was very uneven. Interspersed at various points of the story, we get brief details in different pieces of artwork along with a meaningful quote that I guess is supposed to showcase whatever is going to happen next. It did not serve any purpose for me; I didn't find it helpful or impactful - rather, the fact that it didn't continue with all the intended pieces throughout - made for it being even more unnecessary to me than ever. 😒 I'm also not a fan of endings where the reveal is literally spelled out for you - explaining literally how everything went down - without being geared up towards it - and this one had it in spades. Lots of context clues thrown at the readers and characters at the end that didn't add any real weigh to the final outcome. It's not that Ellery didn't spot a few noticeable tells that she picked up on as questionable, it was just the final confrontation, itself, that made the reveal so very dull and less impactful than it could have been. 😞
“Life and death are at the forefront of all we do, but I like—most of the time—giving life the center of the stage.”
I think it was attempting to cover too many themes - too broad a scope of trying to bring together other storylines to tie into a richer one that it lost focus of what it initially started off as; by doing so, it didn't allow enough closure or depth to be met to the main story, thus making it such a trial to get through. And it was! 😩 Not even finding out who killed the groom was a compelling enough reason for me to continue; I really pushed myself to get to the end - cautiously hopeful that the winds would turn and my efforts would be rewarded. Alas, such was not the case. 😔 Just really disappointed after completing it - one that was neither here nor there - a very unfulfilling result, too. Truthfully, it was tiresome to read - not at all what I want from a well done whodunit mystery - even if it is a cozy locked room mystery. I'm sure those who may find Ellery more relatable than I did and will empathize with her - and may actually be fond of such mysteries - will find it a much more rewarding read. But, while I do appreciate the effort, it just didn't translate well enough to strike a nerve with me. 🤷🏻♀️