Wow. Just. Wow. Before reading this, I thought nothing could be worse than Armed & Dangerous, which I actually like despite the fact that I hate Julian and Cameron with the intensity of a thousand fiery suns. But in A&D, you can at least skip over the Julian/Cameron parts and still have plenty of Ty and Zane to enjoy. With this book, if you skip all the Nick and Nick/Kelly stuff, you’d have maybe ten pages left to read, because even when Nick isn’t in the scene, they’re still talking about him. The really sad thing is, I never would've dreamt of skipping Nick and Kelly scenes until this book because I really liked these two and enjoyed what they brought to the previous books.
Everyone else has done word counts on all the laughing, grinning, giggling, snickering, smiling etc, so I thought I’d do a name count (includes all variations of their names).
Ty: 1900
Zane: 1509
Nick: 1437
Kelly: 780
But wait! Let’s take out the sex scenes that add absolutely nothing to plot or character development. (I didn’t take out the hot tub scene since it never actually got that far, but obviously if I had, the totals for Ty and Zane would be even lower).
Ty: 1726
Nick: 1437
Zane: 1315
Kelly: 780
On the surface, it looks like Ty takes a more prominent role in this book, but he really doesn’t. All the Big Damn Hero moments are reserved for Nick (who reads more like a Mary Sue in this book than an actual character). Ty’s main purpose in this book was to further Nick’s character development and validate all the preposterous retconning. Same goes for Zane. Kelly is little more than a cheerleader and comic relief with no real personality of his own. I feel pretty bad for him, actually. He deserves more than this mess of a book (as they all do) and this forced relationship with Wonder Nick.
The good:
-Kelly had some funny moments near the end. I liked that he told Zane to shave so Ty wouldn’t lose it at the airport when he comes back from deployment.
-I actually liked the scene where Ty was able to figure out how to propose to Nick in three seconds. Nick’s answer to a hypothetical question means nothing to Ty. For me, it highlighted how very important and serious Ty was about his proposals to Zane that he was torturing himself to the point that he couldn’t see his way out of a paper bag until Zane says yes. I found it sweet.
-I really liked Zane’s concern for Nick when he noticed the hand tremors.
-Chester and his shovel
-The final proposal for Ty and Zane was sweet.
The not so good:
-Kelly is the first word in the book. Kelly/Nick are the first couple to great each other. In a Ty & Zane book that should be about Ty & Zane. They also get engaged first, which while a very sweet scene, is just salt in the wounds at that point.
-Dark humor really only works when the characters don’t acknowledge it by laughing and tripping over themselves after everything they say.
-Deuce and Livi and the rest of the Gradys become little more than filler characters. They’re there purely for the purpose of making the reader fear for their lives. It’s lazy writing and manipulative.
-Yes, these are M/M books and have never been about the representation of women. However, the one and only woman on the Snake Eater team is a turncoat. Livi uses “chick logic” to pick a maid of honor that she doesn’t even know. That’s not chick logic. That’s manipulative author logic designed to make the reader feel bad for Livi when we find out her maid of honor - who should be her very best friend - is dead. This wasn’t even a necessary plot twist because the woman would still be dead regardless of the roll she played in the wedding party. Then Livi can’t go searching for her daughter at the end because eww, spiders. This would usually be balanced out by the awesomeness that is Mara Grady, but she gets maybe two lines before she’s sent to the kitchens. As a woman, I felt insulted reading this nonsense.
-Speaking of representation, the one Asian dude gets two sentences in the entire book. At least one of those sentences was semi-important to the plot, and funny to boot.
-Liam showing up at the end just to sell the next Sidewinder book. I seriously wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d “turned” to the audience and said, “You can read more about this adventure in Sidewinder #2: Cross & Crown, coming soon to an online retailer near you.” Let’s be real, that was the only reason to include that scene.
-The in-jokes. Look, I have nothing against in-jokes. They’re nice little nods for the fans who like to follow the behind-the-scenes stuff. But the in-jokes shouldn’t be so obvious that the rest of the readers - who are also fans - are scratching their heads. I can only assume that 4:20, calling Owen Ozone, the zombie shotgun shells, and the whole “I’m dying in Scotland” running gag are all in-jokes. One of the cardinal fandom rules: If it doesn’t happen in the book (or on the show/movie), then it’s not canon. If it’s not canon, it never happened. It’s okay to wink at your tumblr followers: Zane looks at the clock, sees it’s 4:20. Nothing further needs to be said. The tumblr followers will get it. Everyone else (the vast majority) will just go on none the wiser and not have to scratch their heads wondering why that’s so funny. So have all the in-jokes you want, but expect annoyance when they become plot points and an explanation isn’t given to the wider audience.
-Sloppy editing. For example: At one point, the walls are so paper thin, Ty and Zane can hear Kelly roll off the bed in the room next door, and Kelly and Nick can likewise hear Ty and Zane having sexy times. Later, the walls are thick enough that Kelly and Zane can’t hear Nick torturing a suspect in the game room even though they’re standing right outside the door. Later still, those very same walls were thin enough for people who were nowhere near the game room to hear Nick torturing the guy. Stanton knew about the hidden passages, but then he forgot because the plot required it. He remembered them well enough to keep his kids out of them when they were younger. Even though these same kids played with the same house servants who did know about the passages. Ty calls everyone into the sunroom to warn them about the passages but then doesn’t do that and instead questions Stanton in front of everyone about Milton’s activities for his company. The generator goes out and sometimes they can see just fine, other times they can’t. There’s more but I’ll stop here.
-The closed room (or in this case, closed island) scenario is contrived, forced and in the end boring. There’s no sense of the environment in which this story is taking place. We’re told there are stables. We never seen them. We’re told there are caves. We never see them. We’re told there’s castle ruins. We never see them. The boats conveniently float out to sea during a storm when the action starts, and conveniently start coming back in when it’s over.
The bad:
-I am not typically a fan of retconning, though it can be done well. That is not the case here. This book relies on so much of it to sell Nick as the “third Grady son” and it is sloppy. As others have already pointed out, if Nick really was that important to the Gradys’ then Deuce would have already invited him to the wedding. Furthermore, Deuce has always been there when Ty goes home for visits. If Ty was really bringing Nick over all these years, Deuce would know him much better than he appears to know him here. This is after all the top-rated psychiatrist who was able to tell in one week if Ty and Zane could work together without killing each other. How could he not know if Nick could be trusted with the kids if he’s known Nick all these years?
-Nick/Kelly is a forced retcon of epic proportions. The author herself has even said she never intended for these two to get together. It shows. I love their friendship. I don’t buy their romance.
-The character assassination (that is, misuse of characterization) was pretty glaring. Zane’s in a better place and this apparently makes him a zombie with no personality, sense of humor, initiative or motivation. Ty’s just there to build up Nick as the best person in the world by Ty constantly being set up as the worst friend in the world. I already mentioned poor Kelly’s treatment in regards to his relationship with Nick. He’s also grossed out at one point about sticking a turkey thermometer in a dead guy’s liver but then later has no qualms playing with the dead’s guys torn up intestines. This is supposed to be the hardcore Navy doctor who’s the toughest fighter of all the Recon boys and has seen bodies blown to bits and pieces. Earl tore up the Appalachia trail in a Rambo rage but couldn’t be bothered to get in on the action at his son’s own wedding. Mara may as well not have been there.
-Zane and Ty were on pretty shaky standing with their relationship at the end of T&G, and it really annoyed me that Nick’s reactions to Ty’s lies are given page time but Zane’s are not. Are we to assume that he’s a-okay with everything that Ty did now? Where’s the discussion of what is and is not acceptable to hold back from each other? Where’s the discussion of what constitutes a betrayal and what doesn’t? Zane keeps saying no to Ty’s proposals and it’s played for a joke, but why not use that to examine the rift that is still in their relationship? Or are we to assume that Zane’s “better place” mentality means he came to terms with all this while Ty was gone and now sees no reason to discuss any of these issues with him? Because Zane would only take a few months to think about something so minor like that, even though that lie is the foundation of their relationship. There is one moment near the end of the book when, once again, Nick and Ty are having it out about Ty’s lies and Zane says he wishes Nick would kick Ty’s butt. That is some passive-aggression right there. Zane has issues! Let’s address those, please.
-Too many TSTL moments to count. Retreating to a remote island for a wedding when you’re receiving death threats and help is hours away if something happens is not a good idea. The boys seriously shared one gun through most of the book - even though it’s mentioned at one point that the house has an arsenal and that each guy supposedly brought their own gear that we never see or hear about again. Their investigation methods are sloppy. You have one detective and two FBI agents. Guess what? All three of them can lead the investigation. Have Nick, Ty and Zane cross examine each other first, then all three of them can question the guests. None of them think to check the victim’s rooms, none of them think about asking any of the other guests to show them any pictures or video they would’ve taken. They let the one cameraman they do bother asking to do this check his video by himself - how do they know he’s not the perp and isn’t erasing evidence off his recording? Kelly bursts in on Zane’s interview to declare his love for Nick, because apparently he has the self-control of a three year-old. I can go on but then this review will never end.
-Wonder Nick. Think Jonathan from the Buffy episode “Superstar”. Nick is good at everything. He’s an awesome friend, a much better friend than that horrible Ty. He was willing to sacrifice himself to save Ty, never mind that Ty was willing to do the same. Nope, it’s only Nick’s actions that count in that scene. He’s a devoted son to a bastard of a dad. He’s so devoted, he chooses the saintly route of saving his dad’s life when our good guys Ty and Zane would’ve let him rot. He’s a good boyfriend. He’s so close to Zane all of a sudden that he has to tell Ty to stop drinking in front of Zane - which is conversation Ty’s already had with Zane at least a half-dozen times. He can torture people - while shirtless. He can save children. He can dodge speeding bullets even when he doesn’t know they’re coming. He can officiate weddings. He can tightrope walk through a ring of fire while juggling chainsaws over a pool of man-eating crocodiles. He’s da man! I liked Nick until this book. Now, I really don’t ever want to see him again, and this is going to negatively impact how I see him on rereads of the previous books. And it’s a really small thing, but it annoyed me when Nick was giving Zane tips on how to use knives when cutting up vegetables. Because we all know Zane’s never handled a knife before. No way could he have ever figured that out on his own.
-I thought the security guards in my office were incompetent. At least they check people for weapons as they come into the building. Not these guys. They’ll let you all the way into the house and even then won’t check you for weapons until you’re getting near their boss. And these guys are supposed to be former military?
-The mystery. I don’t even know where to start on this. So much is pinned on Milton’s actions, what he’s doing, what he’s not, what he’s capable of in terms of morality, and we never really meet Milton except for one scene where he has maybe five lines at the most. The more we find out about Milton’s involvement, or lack of same, the more ridiculous it gets. Burns had to hire someone inside Stanton’s firm to spy on him? Guess what? If Stanton’s building weapons for the military - they’d already be working with a military advisor. Several, in fact. There is no need to have someone hidden on the inside. Each turn this takes, with Burns (who’s suddenly the most hated person on the planet?) and then the final reveal that this was all de la Vega’s doings to pin this all on Zane and torture him is just… I lack words. It makes no sense that de la Vega had anything to do with it. Why would de la Vega go through all this trouble? How was Zane suffering during any of this? The only people to die were people he didn’t know or care about, and he didn’t even bother with the investigation until he was forced to when Wonder Nick couldn’t follow through with things. Not very good planning there, Jefe. I’m just scratching my head why de la Vega would chose this route instead of capitalizing on the Texas drug mule link that was set up in Stars & Stripes and go after Zane’s family instead. This is a wasted plot line, and it’s convoluted and preposterous beyond belief.
-Too much telling, no showing. How did Zane get in a better place despite all the worrying he was doing for Ty? As for Ty and Nick: what PTSD? I saw no real signs of it except a couple of flashbacks used for plot convenience, then they’re miraculously cured at the end because they have a new mission now.
-Other nitpicks: Would Milton really not have a password on his phone? Zane already knew the time on the watch, he just didn’t know the seconds. I’m assuming he was worried about a password attempt limit which, if exceeded, would corrupt the files and that’s why he wanted to get the seconds from Nick. Would’ve been nice if he’d said that though, otherwise, he just looks incompetent for not trying the combos himself.
Overall: I expected better than this. Much better. This was clearly written not with Ty and Zane in mind but with Nick/Kelly and the TS spinoff series in mind. I like Nick (again, until this book) and I like Kelly, but they’re not the reason I read the C&R books. Ty and Zane are, and they felt neglected here. I can’t help but wonder if all those Nick-Ty scenes where they’re hashing out their issues re: Ty’s lies were originally supposed to be Zane-Ty scenes that were rewritten in a not-subtle attempt to insert more Nick and sell the spinoff series. This was a severe disappointment and I’m so glad I borrowed this instead of buying it.
Edit: After further contemplation, I'm lowering the rating from a padded two-stars to the one-star it deserves. I've remembered other things that bothered me while reading (cyber-tech Zane getting his computer hacked or needing to be told what an escort receipt email looks like from Wonder Nick; the final proposal which I do think is pretty adorable is still troublesome because if Ty really wanted a place he and Zane could call their own, he really should have included Zane in that decision-making process before buying the house with no money and no job; etc etc etc). It really pains me to give a C&R book less stars than I did Warrior's Cross, but that is what the book deserves, imo.