I think I made it to page sixty before putting this down. I was frustrated and unhappy. I thought maybe it was because I hadn't slept for 48 hours and this has been a rather crappy week. So I decided to step back from it it for a bit. I tried again today, made it three more pages before coming here. Which I should have done in the first place and saved myself a dollar and some irritation. I would have read the reviews of the people who DNF'ed or didn't like and I would have stayed away.
Some people won't rate books they did not finish. I can understand why but I am rating mine. The whole reason I didn't finish is because I didn't like it. I don't think I should have to force myself to read the entire book if I don't like it just so that I can be "justified" in some minds in giving it one star BECAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
First I was rather excited by the length and the bdsm. Here is my thing with bdsm. I have never experienced it. I know about it from reading fiction and some research I have done, but I have not personally experienced it. I have...issues. I can't be restrained, the results are not pretty. I don't do well with orders, I am terribly oppositional, and I hate having to follow inept people. At the same time I absolutely cannot handle being in charge, especially in situations dealing with the mental or physical well-being of others, because I am terrified I am going to screw it up. Being a doctor and having people's lives in my hands in close to being one of my worst nightmares.
I enjoy reading bdsm of all kinds. I find most of it sexy, even the things that I have no interest in doing myself. But I am particularly fond of D/s stories. Now, as I have said before, I have no actual experience with the subject myself, but I have definite opinions on what I do and don't like to see in books about it - whether they are realistic or not.
If it is not made clear that the Dom cares about the sub and it is about both of their pleasure then I get my back up. Same if it isn't made clear that the sub likes/needs to submit, likes to be restrained, punished, denied orgasm, whatever they might be experiencing. If I don't get those two things then all I am reading is a story about a selfish asshole who gets off on bossing other people around regardless of their health, safety, happiness or pleasure.
The beginning of this book was fairly decent. Until the bdsm aspect really got added. I was completely pissed that Logan wasn't up front about his wants and needs. You don't start a relationship with someone knowing you have to have something and not letting them know. You need to dominate me? (Or you "have" to have a third in bed or you need to be dominated or you are dying and only have two months to live. Things like that. I will be completely contradictory and say that in supernatural books I don't have a problem, usually, with one person hiding that they are a vampire/werewolf/whatever, which would seem to be a deal breaker for me, but it isn't. I think it has to do with shades of reality. But if you are a bdsm inclined vampire I think you shouldn't hide the bdsm. *grin*) Then you damn well better tell me before we get involved so I can make an informed decision and not get hurt mentally or physically by you dropping it out of the blue. So there was my first stumbling block. If bdsm was just a kink, but not a need, then waiting to bring it up wouldn't be that bad. But Logan makes it obvious in his mental meanderings that he has to have this, it's not something he can do without. So yeah, that puppy needed to be brought to the table early.
Then they are barely in their relationship, Logan hasn't told Clay he is a dom and all he is thinking about is how he can't wait to collar Clay. Some of his thoughts really started to freak me out because he kind of comes off as stalkerish and like "no" won't be an option for Clay. He doesn't even know if Clay is into the same things.
Then he just decides to drop it all on Clay. "If we are going to be together I need you to submit." Or something like that, not sure of the exact words but it basically boiled down to "Be my sub or I dump you." I felt like he was coercing Clay. I kind of wanted Clay to stand up and say "If you want to be with me we have to be equals so drop the attitude and the bdsm notion." Not because I had a problem with bdsm or anything but because of Logan's attitude. It is all about what Logan wants and needs. He doesn't talk to Clay about it, doesn't find out about his needs and wants, just demands submission or that is the end. That is when the oppositional perks up in me and starts screaming.
Clay doesn't even really blink. Maybe he is into bdsm, I don't know, there was no hint before then and I quit reading soon after. If he was supposed to be into bdsm already then we should have gotten an inkling. Everything I read made me think it was no where on his radar. But he doesn't even get worried, he just folds and does what he is told. The oppositional part of me was going completely nuts here. It was all "WTF man, he just drops that on you and you don't ask or say anything and you just go with it and you are okay submitting out of nowhere when the thought has never occurred to you before are you completely apeshit?" The oppositional part of me is not very rational and apparently doesn't need to breathe in the middle of screeching, in case you were wondering.
Then they discuss nothing. NOTHING. I would be wondering what submission meant to Logan, what was expected of me. If I was Logan I would be making sure Clay was okay with it, felt safe, was truly interested. All we get is Logan asking Clay if he knows what a safe word is and then telling him to pick one. But...but...he doesn't ask what the hell it is!!! At least I don't remember him asking. Maybe he asked later but I'm thinking that finding out what Clay's safe word was would be an immediate thing not an "oh well, whenever". They don't talk about what they are going to do. I'm not even saying they have to sit down and spend hours discussing it or put it down in a contract or anything but just "I need you to submit" and nothing else...What does that mean? Does that mean you just like to be in charge? Does that mean you like to spank? To restrain? To whip? To cut little pieces of flesh off...I think I would want to know just a teensy bit more. *completely rabid*
All I could think is that Logan isn't being careful or considerate of Clay at all. He doesn't tell him things he needs to know. He doesn't give him time to consider things - which is sad because he had given him time to decide if he wanted to pursue the relationship and I thought that was awesome and boded well for the rest of the story. More fool me. Even though they have known each other professionally for a while, Logan doesn't know Clay that well personally or sexually and I was kind of expecting him to ease Clay into things, discuss his wants, needs, expectations, ask Clay about his own and learn what things Clay needed. Instead it was just all about Logan.
After checking the reviews here it doesn't look like that really improved and that there are more things to make me think of Logan as a bossy asshole instead of a Dom. So I am not going to pick it back up in hopes it gets better.
Also, what the hell was up with the whole "Serge" thing? *shakes head*
edit: In the interests of trying to be fair (damn you, guilt-inducing tendencies) I went back and did my best to finish this without skimming too much. Logan screws up more, but in the end apologizes for his mistakes, Clay decides he does want to be his submissive, they live happily ever after. I still never connected with Logan and feel like he makes decisions based more on what he wants than on what he thinks Clay wants or needs. But I suppose I can now remove the DNF tag. *sigh* I'm not changing the rest of the review because it still states how I felt about this book and why I didn't like it. As I was never able to get over those feelings it is all still valid.