Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

by Karyl McBride

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help

273 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 23, 2008

Reviews

[mudslug · Rating 5 out of 5]

READ THIS BOOK. Even if your mother isn’t a narcissist, or even if you love your mother.

This book is so incredibly helpful and I’m actually excited to go through (and keep going through) the recovery steps she’s laid out because she does it in such a way that makes me feel optimistic. Like, yes, I am good enough ! And even without having a narcissistic mother, I think this can apply to and/or help most young women in becoming their own person. The way society is laid out, we are just supposed to be defined by our achievements or a few superficial traits rather than by our values or who we actually are. I think some of the steps in this book could help literally anybody to develop their own sense of self separate from this, a which is incredibly valuable in becoming a well-rounded person.

Side note: the author uses a lot of language like “feminine soul” and “natural/innate maternal instincts” and that kind of thing which implies that femininity or being maternal is essential to being a woman. I personally didn’t like those references but this was written in 2008 and I understood that she’s still coming from a place of love, so it didn’t bother me that much overall.

[carly · Rating 4 out of 5]

my mom ain’t a narcissist but it’s so good

[Amaris · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I told my friend that I had gone no-contact with my narcissistic mother and how hard that journey was for me, she handed me this book and said “read this, I’ve cried many tears onto the pages of this book, and I hope it will help you as much as it helps me.” my response: “I will add my tears on top of yours!” And that’s exactly what happened.
This book is by far one of the best things that has helped me heal as an adult daughter of an emotionally immature mother. If I could take the face of every struggling adult daughter in this same situation in my hands and tell them “you are good enough, you can do this!” And hand them this book I would. I would tell them you deserve so much more, you deserve to heal for yourself and you deserve to heal for your family. You are not your mother and you can get past this!
The author leaves no aspect of our complex and emotionally difficult situation untouched. She covers the relationship between daughter and mother during childhood, the effect of the mother’s behavior on the rest of the family, different types of resulting adults based on childhood (the high achieving daughter, self sabotaging daughter, etc.). How to begin recovery, how to go through the grieving process, how to avoid becoming like your mother, and ending the narcissistic legacy.
I wish I had had this book a year ago when I first went no contact, it would’ve helped so much with my feeling of loss, grief, and struggle of how to proceed in that new beginning. Going through the activities in this book might be one of the hardest things you do, but it would be so worth it.
My plan is to immediately start the book again with highlighters, pens, and a journal
to get the absolute most out of this wonderfully validating and helpful book!

[Niamh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommended by my therapist. Wish I didn't need to read it but glad that I did. Weird finding out my messed up family and the effect it's had on me is clinically typical, literally by the book. It was incredibly healing to realise once and for all that it was always going to be the way it was, and none of it was my fault.

[Debra M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Make sure you are ready to acknowledge some hard truths when you start this book, but don't fret, there's a lot of validation coming, too. As with most books like this, not every written part related to my situation, personally, but I was able to bring to mind how it related to others in my life. With that comes a bit more understanding of how different people have different experiences with their narcissistic mothers. I found that to be pretty valuable.

[Leona · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is full of anecdotes and examples, which are reassuring if you’re trying to understand your relationships. I felt this book is focused on the narcissist instead of the reader. I’m older, and my parents have passed away - I’ve worked through most of this on my own so I didn’t get anything new from this book. Forgiveness, for your mother and yourself, followed by acceptance, truly helped me to move forward. The final chapter on parenting has some good information - I agree that what we model for our kids (how we treat ourselves) has as much weight as our intentions (page 204). Good luck to those in the thick of it.

[Nathalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

right. on. target!

Wow. My life long experiences, discoveries and therapies come together beautifully in this book. Issues I have struggled with like self-doubt, self-criticism and failed romances are all results from my upbringing. Go figure!!
It’s both validating and unnerving, but mostly freeing! Thank you so much for writing this book so thoughtfully. I felt like you were writing it directly about and for me and my sisters. I can’t thank you enough for your care, support and help.

[Katarin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I intend to read this again, so I can work through the steps laid out in my own. This is a useful book that has a lot that I could learn from. It was also really affirming because sometimes I think maybe I’m too harsh about whether my mom is a narcissist but like, then I go through a questionnaire and score a 27 out of 33 and also, read paragraphs here that feel like someone just wrote down my childhood.

Really valuable!

[Laurie Patch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was very helpful. Many lightbulb moments about my own mother and why I have the traits I do and never understood. My mom doesn’t have all of these traits but several of them applied. I talked with my therapist about this book and there are many similarities to what we have worked on.

[Cristina Mercado · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not about my mother, thankfully. If you have a narcissist in your life, this is a must read. I especially liked the last chapter about parenting. It made Dr Becky sound like a hack.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book that really opened my eyes to having a narcissisitic mother of my own. It helped me to realize how tremendously this has affected me throughout my whole entire life.

[Paola Garcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

mi mamá no es narcisista pero es un libro valioso

[Tina Wikström · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok, more of a self-help book then for professionals, so you will probably get a lot more from it then me :)

[Michelle]

Even if your mother isn’t a narcissist, it’s still an interesting read :-)

Found the book via a podcast I was listening to