A year ago, my friend and I reread this series to make a YouTube review.
Today I'm mutilating it on Google Docs (and other YA books I suffered through in highschool) to see if I can put my money where my mouth is, and improve them. Here's what I've learned:
"Shimmering,""shining," "glittering," "sparkling" "bright," and other adjectives that have to do with light are go-to cliches when writers describe things.
Sticking the word "little," "big," or "old," before objects is usually redundant.
Dialogue tags are almost never necessary, let alone adjectives to describe how somebody said or did something. Most power comes from verbs.
Short, simple sentences are under rated.
Never state anything in narration you can show with an action.
Don't abuse dialogue (or character thoughts) by using them to tell the audience things the story doesn't otherwise prove.
Don't use characters thoughts to explain things.
You can always show examples of anything you state.
Broad terms rely on the readers imagination to do all the work. Don't say, "a gaggle of girls walked by." Describe one or two characters instead.
You only need a few sentences to set an atmosphere. It's obvious when an author doesn't know how to imagine their own setting.
Most adventure stories are only about eating food and getting rest.
Sometimes bad guys show up and cause action scenes that work well enough as action paragraphs. There's rarely a mystery or goal that progresses meaningfully between one event and another.
Main characters getting together substitutes resolution as nothing comes full circle.
You can delete most main characters in a group except two or three.
Describe a characters outfit or hairstyle in one or two sentences, if you must describe them at all.
Adding "-ish" at the end of words is weak.
Don't say "often," say "always," you coward. Or delete both.
Banter and nicknames aren't personalities. Deleting these makes personalities even clearer.
There's more power in the unironic than the painfully self aware ironic.
A character's reaction to something doesn't have to be the reaction you want the reader to have, and definitely shouldn't be a crutch to produce it (rather than through the thing they're reacting to itself).
The things that the story is about don't have to be the most intense version of it in the story. A relationship doesn't have to be described or portrayed as perfect. Anger doesn't have to be a searing hot, burning intensity that was definitely the deepest anger anyone in the universe ever felt.
Never use the cliches, "his blood turned to liquid fire." Or "The blood in his veins turned to ice." If it's about blood or veins and temperature, it's a cliche.
When a character is "suddenly pushed from behind" or "feels a pain searing through their head" don't say it. Show the mud they slid through as they were struck by a weight and hit their chin on the gravel.
If action scenes must exist, don't use one word sentences, sarcastic quips or shortcut terms:
"Suddenly
There was a *insert sound effect*
Pain exploded through his head
As if the day couldn't get even more like a Marvel Movie."
etc.
Stories that self reference are over rated if they use it as a crutch.
No need to go full last season of Phineas and Ferb about anything. The ideas weren't that great unless we remember them ourselves.
If there's a ridiculous, random, goofy floating table, don't force us to conclude it's random and ridiculous. Don't keep harping on how, "and if you think that sentence is normal, you should read it again. Just another day in my insane life!" Just tell us there's a floating table.
Cutesy words like, "abuzz" or "aflutter." "A gaggle of fairies flew by, abuzz with excitement." DELETE.
It's okay to use some shortcuts like telling vs. showing or some adjectives if you're summarizing for some reason (possibly to begin or end a story/chapter/scene).
It's okay if you have sentences with these things if it's clever, funny, or otherwise has a point.
Don't use this as an excuse, because the vast majority of the time it's not.
Why do YA authors describe everything as smelling bad?
Smell is a sensory detail, so I get what they think they're doing. But when everything smells like cabbage, onions or dead fish, you're not embellishing reality at that point. And why is it always cabbage?
And why do they always eat bread and cheese?
Or if it's the modern days, eggs and bacon?
The least time you spend hearing a characters "thoughts" the better.
(Unless they're exceptionally clever or profound).
You always have to rewrite endings of YA books, because they don't actually have conclusions, only sequels.
Why do characters always have a special "face?"
i.e. "It was her give-me-Percy-Jackson-or-I'll-Kill-You face."
These sentences rarely add anything in the first place, and can be deleted.
Why do characters always roll their eyes at each other and get flustered with each other so easily?
"As if, you know how to cook, Max."
"Max shot him a glare."
etc.
Conflict can be a necessity in interaction, but this is cheap. The no-nonsense girl and goofy boy stereotype is overused anyway.
Why always shorten names whenever friends talk to each other?
Why should Peter, Henry or Gabrielle, have to endearingly get called Pet, Hen, and Gab? I've never done this to my friends in real life or heard them do it.
How are teenage crushes so noble and beautiful that they save the universe?
"Love is the most important thing of all."
Not if you mean teenage crushes.
Rhetorical questions? NO.
When a writer says somebody "made their way" to something, it means they don't know what they're trying to picture and are using a band-aid. Same with words like:
sprawled
took off
disappeared into the night
crossed over to
etc.
Of course, these are just some of the technical issues.