“Curling is a sport whose strategy demands years of study. Its physical precision requires years of practise, countless rocks thrown in small-town curling clubs. It simply isn't good enough to be strong or fast or dedicated.”
John Cullen’s opening chapters include funny stories about athletes and ordinary Joes and Judys who think that curling is a gateway sport to the Olympics, that if you’re athletic enough you can just start throwing rocks and before too long, b(r)oom, you make the team, get the rings tattooed on your forearm and Bob’s your uncle, you’re an Olympian. But after reading Cullen’s chronicles of life as a curler (he took it up seriously at the age of 13), I have learned that it is not that easy. I mean who knew what they meant when they said Team X has the hammer? Who knew that it is basically chess on ice? Who knew that players of the “Gentlemen’s Game” once had to wear heavy sweaters and a tie?
I read Chapter 5 twice and I’m still not 100% sure what a raise is. I was a swimmer and rower there is no strategy in those sports. Cullen writes, good athletes can’t just go to the Olympics as a curler. But…if you read John Cullen’s book, I think, maybe, you could probably get a lot closer to that Olympic dream.
Joking aside, Curling Rocks isn’t just a how-to about curling, or a how did I get into curling memoir, it is a collection of essays written by someone who loves the game, someone who relishes in the ‘cellies’ (but also did you know that losers get free beer?); someone who loves the best losers as much as the winners; who creates the best fictional teams by name (Team Kaitlyn needs some new players); someone who knows so much about curling and the best curlers that he created his own Frankenstein version of the best curler. Taken as a whole, this book is a joy to read because Cullen’s voice spills joy all over the pages of this very funny book. Maybe this is a Canadian thing, but I haven’t met the guy yet and I think he’s probably the best curler in the whole world and is just being polite, or perhaps only curling for the beer?
Thanks to Douglas & McIntyre for my reading copy.