cw: characters with deformity / disability: ~ congenital hand deformities; cheating; adultery
~ this review contains spoiler ~
• Honestly speaking, this story is like my guilty pleasure, as I think I like it, but at the same time, it's not the best. It's so good and a bit bad all at the same time. It was a non-stop unpredictable drama and conflict. When I said non-stop, new conflicts literally popped up every few pages like mushroom after the rain. So with that, the plot mainly focuses on the new 'conflicts' at that short period of time, then move onto the other. So myself as a reader really doesn't know the path of the story and the expectations on it. In addition, the 'main plot' (which apparently about Alan) itself suddenly went missing and almost nonexistent by the middle of the story, thus it did makes me lost thinking what exactly is the story truly is about.
For instance, even early on the book, the author already rubbed onto our faces with HUGE major conflict, but then despite everything, these conflicts literally barely / doesn't affect the characters involved AT ALL, no remorse nor forgiveness, nothing, and they'll do it (the bad things) again, then it ended, then a new conflicts will pop up soon after, and it's a repeatitive cycle over and over again. I guess this is a major factor why I truly half enjoyed the story, but my head and heart could also barely process everything that changes way too often.
While the drama and conflicts was fun at the spur of moment, but when it was kept on being introduced way too much of it, which also at the same time was related to way too much characters in the story, you lost your focus on the main plot itself. Because if I'm thinking again about it, I almost forgotten everything that happened in the middle of the book as there's too much things going on.
• Due to this, I can assure you, you will NEVER be able to predict what is to come with any of the characters as well. Almost 80% of the characters (including the side characters) are just extremely selfish juak, termasok lah those who seems 'nice', at the end of the day, everyone had their own selfish agenda. Kejap baik, kejap selfish / jahat, kejap baik lagik, kejap selfish / jahat, you will never know.
One of MANY examples lah :— Zanif's parents nak, the father knew VERY WELL know his son was being extremely abusive and unprofessional at workplace towards Nurin, he WAS THERE when he straight up insulted her. He KNOWS his own son has been coming to his office to bully and insult Nurin. Tapi does he ever bother talking to his son? No. Does he ever think that the marriage will never work? No. Does he ever told his wife what his son has ever done to Nurin? No. Ditandah jak the marriage to go on. THUS the reason why Zanif's mother pun never thought about how none of it will work if his husband jujur and actually talk about his son. Tok nisik, forcing the lady yang she herself berkenan to 'fix up' his son's bad behaviour. HE'S NOT A CHILD BAH. A MAN YANG SUPPOSED TO GUIDE THE WIFE IN MARRIAGE, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. What's more amusing, she had always thought she's better dari segi agama and even pandang serong orang lain just because that person doesn't wear tudung, but then she acted as if she doesn't know better about marriage in Islam by forcing another person to marry his terrible son. Dudi apa, his son never changes lansong pun. Dahlah continuously being manipulative after the divorce paksa paksa Nurin balit lagik dengan laki nya. WHEN SHE HERSELF SAW HER OWN SON HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER LADY KOT. Marah saya tok bah haha.
• At first I thought Nurin was a special need person, due to how the blurb and the acknowledgment, and the first few chapters highlighting her 'specialty'. But I was surprised that it's was something different, and early on, I genuinely doesn't get why Nurin was so self conscious and had an extremely low self esteem up to the point it's simply frustrating and saddening to listen to. But as I move along with the plot, I found out her mother and sister's mental abuse / bullying up to the point she really thinks she's a broken goods. Awful, that's simply what I could describe her situation. In addition to how lepas tangan the father was early on as well, marah tauk sik, tapi masih juak he doesn't allow her to move out of the house, for what though if none of the members of the household even care (except for her youngest sister).
• Nurin really is one of the strongest protagonist I've seen. Despite her anxiety and low self esteem, she is such a tough person and never let herself to be bothered by stupid things, I'm just glad she stood up for herself later on and how well she carries herself and see things better. Her changes and character development was SOOO well written and wasn't done abruptly! You can actually read through her thoughts overtime and how human she really is and how she shaped herself into someone better eventually. She truly deserves everything.
But there's this thing that bothers me a bit of her characteristic, which was her constant judgement was quite too much from time to time. It's fine to have judgement, tapi bila dah panjang gilak, siap judge the ENTIRETY of a person's life due to a single bad thing, I was kinda disappointed. Entahlah, cannot kah you just pray nicely instead. Dah lah buat comparison between Zanif dengan Alan and suddenly sees Alan as the most evil because he doesn't believe in god (despite being the greatest person ever), while Zanif is doing the bare minimum. Tiba tiba his rape joke doesn't matter anymore eh? — Not sure if it's just me, but it felt like everytime theres an interaction with her close guy friend(s), all she thinks about is about marriage potential between them, and there, she's liking two guys at the same time? Well if it's from men POV, that would've been not taken lightly eh?
• Alan, the second lead that became the main lead. He actually is a great character! When he showed up again by at the end, I was sooo satisfied that his character was expanded more, and his backstory was thoroughly told too! Just one thing that makes me disappointed is how less the in depth moments he had with Nurin earlier on the book, as his person doesn't quite stands up as a character and his story was technically overshadowed by all of the conflicts.
• Nothing much, just wanted to leave this here. Zanif was an arse.
• This is my first book from the author and I actually kinda like it. The writing was easy to follow, but as what I've mentioned, for this book, the way too much characters and conflicts all at the same time / continuously that eventually took the focus away from the actual main characters itself really made my brain stray away elseway. BUT! Despite the chaosness of this book, I REALLY do love the ending part of the story, it was so well done and concluded well. I touched my heart so much. The values and morals woven in was also fantastical.
Overall it's a messy, chaotic, yet absolutely enjoyable guilty pleasure read.