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320 pages, Paperback
First published August 18, 2015
He jerked back and crossed his arms over his chest, cocking his head to the side.
“Would you ask me to?” Frustration could be read in every line on his face.
Lying there beneath him, I felt more vulnerable than I ever had before. I wanted to ask him to stay, but how could I be so selfish? If I asked him, would he love me less, if he even loved me at all? I couldn’t take his dream away to make mine better. I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t destroy what we had created.
“Answer me. Would you fucking ask me to turn this down?”
I didn’t want him to, but I just needed to know if he would. “Would you stay if I asked you to?”
His jaw clenched. He was breathing heavily. Through gritted teeth, he seethed, “Yes, but I’d hate you for it. So ask me. Go ahead.” It felt like he was taunting me. I began to cry. “Ask me to fucking stay here and work at the PhotoHut while you go to grad school. Do it.”
I shook my head but couldn’t form the words.
He bent over and gripped my face hard, glaring into my eyes. “Fucking Christ, Grace, this isn’t good-bye. This is ‘see you later.’ Tell me you can handle that, please. Say that you can handle that.”
I was hyperventilating now. He was angry but his expression revealed love beneath the ferocity.
“We made no promises to each other,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I brought it up. We’ll just see how things go, okay? This is just a ‘see you later.’ ”
He nodded. “That’s right.”
To the Green-eyed Lovebird: We met fifteen years ago, almost to the day, when I moved my stuff into the NYU dorm room next to yours at Senior House….
Time passes, life goes on, places change, people change. And still, I couldn’t get Grace off my mind after seeing her… Fifteen years is too long to be holding on to a few heart-pounding moments from college.
“This is our time. You’re the love of my life. I fucking love you, Grace. I’ve always loved you. I loved you when I wasn’t with you, and before that, and right now.”
"To the Green-eyed Lovebird: We met fifteen years ago, almost to the day, when I moved my stuff into the NYU dorm room next to yours at Senior House…"
“I just met her at the wrong time. Fifteen years have gone by and I still think about her.”
“We were victims of bad timing. But here we are again.”
“No one could change the past or give us back the time we had lost, and there were no words to make everything better. We just had to accept the present for what it was.”
You called us fast friends.I like to think it was more._Matt
To the Green-eyed Lovebird: We met fifteen years ago, almost to the day, when I moved my stuff into the NYU dorm room next to yours at Senior House........
“You come here a lot?”
“That’s such an old pickup line, Matt. I think you need new material.”
“I’m really into girls with big platelets.”
“Much better. Now you have my attention. You’re in luck, because I’m really into guys named Mathew.”
“It’s Matthias, actually.”
“No shit?” She cocked her head to the side. “I’ve never heard that name before. Is it biblical?”
“Yep. It means God-like.”
"No, I’m serious. It means God-like appendage.”
You can’t re-create the first time you promise to love someone or the first time you feel loved by another. You cannot relive the sensation of fear, admiration, self-consciousness, passion, and desire all mixed into one because it never happens twice. You chase it like the first high for the rest of your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t love another or move on; it just means that the one spontaneous moment, the split second that you took the leap, when your heart was racing and your mind was muddled with What ifs?—that moment—will never happen the same way again. It will never feel as intense as the first time.
Once there was a you and me
We were lovers
We were friends
Before life changed
Before we were strangers
Do you still think of me?
To the Green-eyed Lovebird:
We met fifteen years ago, almost to the day, when I moved my stuff into the NYU dorm room next to yours at Senior House.
You called us fast friends. I like to think it was more…
Yet, somehow, it all fell apart. We lost touch the summer after graduation when I went to South America to work for National Geographic. When I came back, you were gone. A part of me still wonders if I pushed you too hard after the wedding…
I didn’t see you again until a month ago. It was a Wednesday. You were rocking back on your heels, balancing on that thick yellow line that runs along the subway platform, waiting for the F train. I didn’t know it was you until it was too late, and then you were gone. Again. You said my name; I saw it on your lips. I tried to will the train to stop, just so I could say hello.
After seeing you, all of the youthful feelings and memories came flooding back to me, and now I’ve spent the better part of a month wondering what your life is like. I might be totally out of my mind, but would you like to get a drink with me and catch up on the last decade and a half?
“Three seconds doesn’t seem like a long time, but when you’re gazing into someone’s eyes, it’s long enough to make a silent promise.”
“You can’t re-create the first time you promise to love someone or the first time you feel loved by another. You cannot relive the sensation of fear, admiration, self-consciousness, passion, and desire all mixed into one because it never happens twice. You chase it like the first high for the rest of your life.”
“The past doesn’t belong to us anymore, and the future is just a fantasy, never guaranteed. But the present is ours to own. The only way we can realize that fantasy is if we embrace the now.”
All images were found in pinterest, I do not own any of them.
“It was such a strange idea knowing he and I were moving for our own pleasure while giving it back to each other, equally. Like nothing else in life, sex is perfectly selfless and selfish all at once. Hot and cold, yin and yang, black and white, and all of the shades in between. Finally, the whole world made sense. I was in on the secret now.”