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384 pages, ebook
First published October 11, 2016
..O Cletus, Cletus...you are the man. Yep, Yep, I lurve me some Cletus.
Could Penny be more on point? You know you're in the presence of a comedic genius when you read a book that makes you snort-laugh so hard you spit coffee at your e-reader. At. Every. Second. Page.
I was captivated by this book. It oozed with witty and intelligent dialogue. I have never aspired to write novels but if Penny Reid taught writing, I'd enroll in that class.
To say we've all been waiting for Cletus's story would be an understatement. That man stole the spotlight in every book he's ever featured in. We knew him as crafty, devious and possessing of an acerbic wit. You could try to get one over on Cletus, but know it'd be at your peril. He did nothing unless with an agenda even when relating to his beloved siblings. He was a master puppet player, willing to misdirect while getting exactly his intended outcome. Reading his inner musings was hilarious. So many quotes from this man:“I only had time for twenty-four people (tops) in my life, and I already had six siblings. Twenty-four people was an average of two birthdays a month. Ain’t nobody got time for more than two birthday celebrations a month.”“I’d been grumbling and grimacing since she’d arrived. Now was not a convenient time to have met my life partner. I had too much to do, too many irons in the fire.”“I glared at him, not willing to explain the obvious. Clearly my brother didn’t understand the concept of research: the value of gathering data, the necessity of testing theories, and the importance of post-coital analysis.”
This man. Who wore sardonic as if it were a second skin. Who would be a match for this exasperating yet lovable man? I couldn't picture her, that is, until Jenn:
1. People watcher and wallflower
2. Baker extraordinaire and banana cake queen
3. Desperately in need of a life outside of that which was crafted by her parents.
And she just might be the only person, in their hometown, with enough intelligence to see through Cletus's shenanigans.“Cletus Winston was the sneakiest, most manipulative, most powerful, and—as far as I was concerned—the most dangerous man in East Tennessee. Problem was, virtually no else seemed to realize it. Everyone in town thought he was odd, but mostly harmless.
Meanwhile, he blackmailed them into doing what he wanted, all the while tricking people into thinking it was their idea.
I knew this because I was a people watcher.”
It was hilarious yet beautiful to see the mighty C fall in love but he didn't disappoint us. Be ready to add another name to your list of best ever book boyfriends!
p.s I'd also like to add this; insomuch as I've been privileged to travel to some states in the US, I've never visited Tennessee. Today however, I have placed Tennessee as number one on the list. And yes dammit, it's to conduct scientific research and to see if there are any real life Winston guys out there *sigh*. You're welcome.
I’m the Banana Cake Queen. I make other kinds of cake, but I’m famous for my banana cake. I know this as fact because, when I’m introduced, it’s usually like this: “This is Jennifer Sylvester. You know, the Banana Cake Queen? She’s famous for her banana cake.” But I digress.
Clearly, my heart was a danger to itself and to me because Jennifer Sylvester and I were not suited, not at all.
“Stay away from the normals.”
“The normals?”
“Yep.” She nodded once, the side of her mouth hitching in a way that reminded me of Cletus.
“Stay away from the normals, the small-minded people who fill their brains with small-minded pursuits, who blend in and keep up with the Joneses. Those people will tear you down and make you boring. Instead, surround yourself with the weirds. With the misfits, oddballs, and outcasts. Because the normals, bless their hearts, have no idea how to have fun.”
“You’ll know one day, Cletus. You’ll discover what it’s like to find the other part of yourself. You’ll know it’s her, only her, always her. Maybe not right away, but eventually you’ll know. She’ll be your beginning, middle, and end. And your intentions won’t matter. Love brings its own intentions, and all other plans, hopes, and dreams fade to insignificance in the face of love.”
“Cletus Winston was the sneakiest, most manipulative, most powerful, and—as far as I was concerned—the most dangerous man in East Tennessee. Problem was, virtually no else seemed to realize it. Everyone in town thought he was odd, but mostly harmless. Meanwhile he blackmailed them into doing what he wanted, all the while tricking people into thinking it was their idea.”
“No one person person should be allowed to be that pathologically intelligent and oppressively handsome.”
"And - oh God - Cletus, I'm the worst. I'm so awkward, my awkward is embarrassed by my awkward."
As a rule, I didn't like change. My Jennifer continuously surprised me, and her surprises were a thing of beauty.
She was so beautiful, my Jennifer. And not because of her eyes, or face, or any other outward attributes. The person she was held me transfixed. How could I have disregarded her? How could I have looked at her with anything but wonder and respect and desire?
"You want to know what you are to me? Fine. You're my beginning, my middle, and end."
“Bullshit was the adult version of Santa Claus.
For reasons I'll never comprehend, the general population seemed to enjoy wallowing, spouting, and believing in bullshit.”
“I loved her both rationally and irrationally. And I wanted her with a ferocity that had kept me awake at night and tortured during the day.”
“My heart was a danger to itself and to me because Jennifer Sylvester and I were not suited… things would be complicated between us. I couldn’t abide complicated... I wanted predictable, and she’d never ceased to surprise me. Together we would not be perfectly pragmatic. We would be impressively impractical.”
“Jennifer was the key to my cage. She was the key to my future. We fit together. Her strengths counterpoised my weaknesses.”
“You’ll know one day, Cletus. You’ll discover what it’s like to find the other part of yourself. You’ll know it’s her, only her, always her. Maybe not right away, but eventually you’ll know. She’ll be your beginning, middle, and end. And your intentions won’t matter. Love brings its own intentions, and all other plans, hopes, and dreams fade to insignificance in the face of love.”
"Jenn and I are going to make some sausage pie."
"Sausage pie?"
"That's right, sausage pie."
"I see. So Jennifer is going to let you put your sausage in her pie."
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