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Facial
Greg has just killed the man he hired to kill one of his wife’s many lovers. He’s now got a dead body in his office.
Carlton, Greg’s brother, desperately needs a dead body. It’s kind of related to the lion corpse that he found in his basement.
This is the normal part of the story.
From Jeff Strand, the author of Benjamin’s Parasite, The Sinister Mr. Corpse, and Fangboy, comes a tale that’s weird even by his standards.
Facial. It’s not about what you’re thinking. Well, okay, part of it is...
Carlton, Greg’s brother, desperately needs a dead body. It’s kind of related to the lion corpse that he found in his basement.
This is the normal part of the story.
From Jeff Strand, the author of Benjamin’s Parasite, The Sinister Mr. Corpse, and Fangboy, comes a tale that’s weird even by his standards.
Facial. It’s not about what you’re thinking. Well, okay, part of it is...
86 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 1, 2014
32 people are currently reading
361 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Strand
229 books2,216 followersBram Stoker Award-winning author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, CLOWNS VS. SPIDERS, AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER, MY PRETTIES, the official novelization of ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, and lots of others!
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
December 31, 2014
What the hell did I just read? I mean I usually have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy so I will admit to cackling at parts of this book...but then shit got weird.
Greg hires a hit man to kill one of his wife's many lovers. Then he decides to just kill the hit man. Now he needs to get rid of the body..enter his brother Carlton. Carlton just happened to find a dead lion in his basement. Under the lion is a face..in the floor.
That face doesn't want a sandwich..he wants dead people's heads. So the brothers team up..and start feeding it.
They kick one of their accomplices to death, and it becomes kinda fun for them.
They keep feeding the face and it starts growing more faces..and getting hungrier.
I like Jeff Strand's writing..but this book. Not so much. I felt like maybe I should have done more drugs in my youth to get to understood the book by the end of it.
Naw..dude..just no.
I received an arc copy of this book from Netgalley/DarkFuse in exchange for an honest review.
Greg hires a hit man to kill one of his wife's many lovers. Then he decides to just kill the hit man. Now he needs to get rid of the body..enter his brother Carlton. Carlton just happened to find a dead lion in his basement. Under the lion is a face..in the floor.
That face doesn't want a sandwich..he wants dead people's heads. So the brothers team up..and start feeding it.
They kick one of their accomplices to death, and it becomes kinda fun for them.
They keep feeding the face and it starts growing more faces..and getting hungrier.
I like Jeff Strand's writing..but this book. Not so much. I felt like maybe I should have done more drugs in my youth to get to understood the book by the end of it.
Naw..dude..just no.
I received an arc copy of this book from Netgalley/DarkFuse in exchange for an honest review.
October 10, 2021
This was easily one of the most bizarre stories I ever came across. All started with a hitman killing one of the many lovers of his client's unfaithful wife. When the killer got shot by his client (a shabby small scale entrepreneur) things turned bizarre with a face (!) in the cellar. What are Greg (the client), his brother Carlton, Jasper (the employee) and Felicia (the sexual active wife) up to? What about the scary head in the cellar? This ain't no comedy I can tell you. A mixture of horror, exploitation and bizarre elements in here. Even though this is not my favorite genre I couldn't put the novella down and devoured it in a single read. Strand really writes exciting stuff. Recommended!
September 28, 2019
2.5 STARS
So, Jeff Strand doing bizarro…
Okay, here’s the long and short of it – while I’m curious about bizarro, I can’t say I’m really a fan. This story by Strand gave me the clarity I needed – it is NOT my genre. My fragile little mind simply can’t handle it…
About the story:
When you say the word “facial”, I’ve discovered that it has vastly different meanings for men and women.
You are both wrong – when it comes to this story – except for Chapter 6.
This is a story about brotherly love, relationships, impotence (are you thinking about that song IT WAS OVER BEFORE IT STARTED, or was that about premature ejaculation?), cheating, gold and, oddly enough, a dead lion.
My impression:
I was laughing my ass off from the start, but the further I got in the story, the more I disconnected. I do think that this one will divide the Strand fans the most (probably more than KUMQUAT), or it could just be my personal perception that is a bit warped.
I have to add, though, that Chapter 6 was probably the funniest thing I have EVER read about a facial. Scratch that, it is THE funniest by a mile!
That is the only reason I can’t give this one only 2 stars.
Recommended to bizarro fans.
So, Jeff Strand doing bizarro…
Okay, here’s the long and short of it – while I’m curious about bizarro, I can’t say I’m really a fan. This story by Strand gave me the clarity I needed – it is NOT my genre. My fragile little mind simply can’t handle it…
About the story:
When you say the word “facial”, I’ve discovered that it has vastly different meanings for men and women.
You are both wrong – when it comes to this story – except for Chapter 6.
This is a story about brotherly love, relationships, impotence (are you thinking about that song IT WAS OVER BEFORE IT STARTED, or was that about premature ejaculation?), cheating, gold and, oddly enough, a dead lion.
My impression:
I was laughing my ass off from the start, but the further I got in the story, the more I disconnected. I do think that this one will divide the Strand fans the most (probably more than KUMQUAT), or it could just be my personal perception that is a bit warped.
I have to add, though, that Chapter 6 was probably the funniest thing I have EVER read about a facial. Scratch that, it is THE funniest by a mile!
That is the only reason I can’t give this one only 2 stars.
Recommended to bizarro fans.
October 10, 2014
Once the hitman he hired to kill his wife's lover finishes the job, Greg kills the hitman in his office. Fortunately, his brother is suddenly in need of a fresh corpse after finding a dead lion in his basement. Then things get a little strange...
I got this from DarkFuse via Netgalley.
I'm a big fan of both Jeff Strand and DarkFuse so this one was a no-brainer when it showed up on Netgalley. It was neither my favorite Jeff Strand book nor my favorite DarkFuse publication but it was still entertaining.
So, what would you do if you went into your basement and found a lion carcass with a talking face beneath it? Yeah, we've all had that problem a few times but Jeff Strand is the first one to write about it. Strand is the Christoper Moore of horror. He can take things like serial-killing and make them hilarious. I kept chuckling when Greg and Carlton were discussing killing and such. Felicia was also pretty hilarious. There were a ton of funny one-liners in this little novella.
I'm a fan of bizarro fiction but this one was almost too weird for even me. The face was part of the floor and every time it ate another head, another face appeared on the floor. Interesting but I was expecting a lot more in the way of explanation when the tale wrapped. Still, it was a pretty entertaining read. Three out of five stars.
I got this from DarkFuse via Netgalley.
I'm a big fan of both Jeff Strand and DarkFuse so this one was a no-brainer when it showed up on Netgalley. It was neither my favorite Jeff Strand book nor my favorite DarkFuse publication but it was still entertaining.
So, what would you do if you went into your basement and found a lion carcass with a talking face beneath it? Yeah, we've all had that problem a few times but Jeff Strand is the first one to write about it. Strand is the Christoper Moore of horror. He can take things like serial-killing and make them hilarious. I kept chuckling when Greg and Carlton were discussing killing and such. Felicia was also pretty hilarious. There were a ton of funny one-liners in this little novella.
I'm a fan of bizarro fiction but this one was almost too weird for even me. The face was part of the floor and every time it ate another head, another face appeared on the floor. Interesting but I was expecting a lot more in the way of explanation when the tale wrapped. Still, it was a pretty entertaining read. Three out of five stars.
October 23, 2014
Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
How weird is too weird for me? Welp, apparently this weird.
Carlton and Greg find themselves in one strange pickle of a situation when a face appears in the basement floor. This isn’t just a regular face either – it’s a face that is HUNGRY!
Nope, it can’t be satisfied with cheeseballs – this sucker is demanding to be fed human remains.
You’re damn skippy, uggo face.
Either I’m missing something or this one wasn’t very good. I don’t know if it was too short or what, but this was a story that didn’t really seem to have much of a point. I kept thinking eventually someone was going to figure out how to take out the face a la Bruce Campbell style
and things would go from “meh” to “a-meh-zing” (see what I did there???), but it never happened. I picked Facial up because it’s Halloweeny time (duh) and I’m a huge fan of the horror/comedy genre, but sadly it just missed the mark.
Have no fear, though, Mr. Strand. You haven’t seen the last of me yet. After reading and loving Kumquat and being a superfan of the horror novel, I have faith that I’ll have plenty of stars to drop on some of your other stuff.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!
How weird is too weird for me? Welp, apparently this weird.
Carlton and Greg find themselves in one strange pickle of a situation when a face appears in the basement floor. This isn’t just a regular face either – it’s a face that is HUNGRY!
Nope, it can’t be satisfied with cheeseballs – this sucker is demanding to be fed human remains.
You’re damn skippy, uggo face.
Either I’m missing something or this one wasn’t very good. I don’t know if it was too short or what, but this was a story that didn’t really seem to have much of a point. I kept thinking eventually someone was going to figure out how to take out the face a la Bruce Campbell style
and things would go from “meh” to “a-meh-zing” (see what I did there???), but it never happened. I picked Facial up because it’s Halloweeny time (duh) and I’m a huge fan of the horror/comedy genre, but sadly it just missed the mark.
Have no fear, though, Mr. Strand. You haven’t seen the last of me yet. After reading and loving Kumquat and being a superfan of the horror novel, I have faith that I’ll have plenty of stars to drop on some of your other stuff.
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley!
October 26, 2016
Jeff Strand dips his whole body in the bizarro sub-genre with this one. Facial has Strand’s snarky sense of humor out in full force but damn is it ever weird. Flesh-eating face in the floor kind of weird. If that’s your thing read on.
Greg’s wife is cheating on him. Instead of confronting her, he hires a sarcastic hit man to off one of her lovers. Greg doesn't appreciate the hit man’s sarcasm, shoots him dead and saves himself some bucks. But now he’s stuck with a body.
Carlton arrives home to find the rotting corpse of a lion in his basement but wait things get worse and weirder. There's a voice coming out from under the lion, demanding human flesh, blood and bone. If Carlton doesn’t deliver, this face in the floor declares Carlton and his family will die. Carlton ponders for a second or two.
Screw it. I’d do it. My existing plans for today were: watch television, eat stale graham crackers with stale marshmallows, and cry a little…so why not? It was a break from the norm. I could quit at any time. I’d make it clear to the possible viewing audience that I was in on the joke. “All right,” I said. “I’ll do it.”
Fortunately Carlton’s bro Greg has a fresh corpse at the ready, eh?
Dismemberment and minor grossness follow, more faces grow out of the floor and they’re all hungry. It’s a good thing there are a lot of men out there who have done Greg wrong . . . or, really, just done his wife!
This was a weirdly entertaining story with enough sarcasm and dark humor to keep me happy. I’m giving it a 3 ½ (bumped down to a 3) because of the constantly switching first person point of view and the fact that all of the characters sounded eerily and confusingly similar. Even though each chapter clearly tells you who is going to be speaking, I still managed to mix them up because, again, the similarities, and I had to do some backtracking. Sort of frustrating after a bit.
*I received a copy of this book from Netgalley.
Greg’s wife is cheating on him. Instead of confronting her, he hires a sarcastic hit man to off one of her lovers. Greg doesn't appreciate the hit man’s sarcasm, shoots him dead and saves himself some bucks. But now he’s stuck with a body.
Carlton arrives home to find the rotting corpse of a lion in his basement but wait things get worse and weirder. There's a voice coming out from under the lion, demanding human flesh, blood and bone. If Carlton doesn’t deliver, this face in the floor declares Carlton and his family will die. Carlton ponders for a second or two.
Screw it. I’d do it. My existing plans for today were: watch television, eat stale graham crackers with stale marshmallows, and cry a little…so why not? It was a break from the norm. I could quit at any time. I’d make it clear to the possible viewing audience that I was in on the joke. “All right,” I said. “I’ll do it.”
Fortunately Carlton’s bro Greg has a fresh corpse at the ready, eh?
Dismemberment and minor grossness follow, more faces grow out of the floor and they’re all hungry. It’s a good thing there are a lot of men out there who have done Greg wrong . . . or, really, just done his wife!
This was a weirdly entertaining story with enough sarcasm and dark humor to keep me happy. I’m giving it a 3 ½ (bumped down to a 3) because of the constantly switching first person point of view and the fact that all of the characters sounded eerily and confusingly similar. Even though each chapter clearly tells you who is going to be speaking, I still managed to mix them up because, again, the similarities, and I had to do some backtracking. Sort of frustrating after a bit.
*I received a copy of this book from Netgalley.
March 13, 2015
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Carlton and Greg are brothers; Carlton has just found a dead lion in his basement whilst Greg has just shot the man he paid to kill one of his wives lovers. Carlton would like to obtain said dead body, the reason being much freakier than a dead lion in your basement. This then leads to the brothers embarking on a killing spree that spirals out of control.
Jeff Strand again proves he can write just about anything and make it entertaining, this read is so out there but at the same time so engaging and funny that it draws you in and keeps you turning the pages. There are some great gory scenes in this novella that comes as short sharp shocks against the comedy of most of the book, this makes them all the more effective. It can’t be said that any of the characters are especially nice people; you don’t end up rooting for any one of them but yet their story is fascinating.
Another great read by Strand, totally bizarre but he makes it all work so well. Recommended.
Carlton and Greg are brothers; Carlton has just found a dead lion in his basement whilst Greg has just shot the man he paid to kill one of his wives lovers. Carlton would like to obtain said dead body, the reason being much freakier than a dead lion in your basement. This then leads to the brothers embarking on a killing spree that spirals out of control.
Jeff Strand again proves he can write just about anything and make it entertaining, this read is so out there but at the same time so engaging and funny that it draws you in and keeps you turning the pages. There are some great gory scenes in this novella that comes as short sharp shocks against the comedy of most of the book, this makes them all the more effective. It can’t be said that any of the characters are especially nice people; you don’t end up rooting for any one of them but yet their story is fascinating.
Another great read by Strand, totally bizarre but he makes it all work so well. Recommended.
October 16, 2014
Despite the horrifying cover, Jeff Strand once again had me laughing out loud over the scenes of mutilation, carnage, and other acts of premeditated violence. Discovering a face in his basement floor, Carlton goes to his brother Greg for advice. "Luckily" Greg is having a few issues of his own regarding a dim-witted hit man, and his wife, Felicia's, blatant affairs.
And just like that, a blood-soaked story that you simply can not read with a straight face is conceived.
Strand's characters are so matter-of-fact and bluntly open with their comments, that you can't help but get pulled along with them in this bizarre adventure. (Yes, the term "facial" comes into play in more than one way....;) ) Yet somehow, no matter how off-beat, the events that transpire almost come across as inevitable when you take into account the personalities of the key players.
Facial takes you on a hysterical journey of mayhem, as only Jeff Strand can.
Recommended!
*I received a copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.*
And just like that, a blood-soaked story that you simply can not read with a straight face is conceived.
Strand's characters are so matter-of-fact and bluntly open with their comments, that you can't help but get pulled along with them in this bizarre adventure. (Yes, the term "facial" comes into play in more than one way....;) ) Yet somehow, no matter how off-beat, the events that transpire almost come across as inevitable when you take into account the personalities of the key players.
Facial takes you on a hysterical journey of mayhem, as only Jeff Strand can.
Recommended!
*I received a copy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.*
October 14, 2014
As bizarre goes this is pretty fucking weird in places but it’s all held together with the glue that is laughter and it’s hilarious in places.
And what a spooky cover but it soon becomes apparent as to what’s going on amid the imagination of someone who must have had something slipped into his drink as he embarked on writing this.
Carlton finds something totally freaky in his basement that leads to him confiding in his brother and then commencing a gargantuan killing spree that’s never going to end in a good place.
Greg is the other brother and the one we meet first as he shoots a hitman in the head, saves him paying the second instalment but the only problem… gotta get rid of the body. This is where Carlton comes in as suddenly he’s after a dead body. Amazing coincidence.
Felicia is Greg’s wife and she cheats on him relentlessly, the first time we meet her is damn funny as she is just about to receive a facial (yes of that variety but not really related to the title of the story) from one of her lovers. I underlined a quote from this scene but, no I shouldn’t put it in, Ah go on then, you talked me into it.
Just as Chester is about to unload both barrels, so to speak, she’s tired of waiting and says.
“You’ve got 10 seconds”
Chester nodded “Ten…nine…eight…seven…”
“Please don’t do a countdown”
Greg & Carlton then set about killing all her past conquests, right up to the point that she cottons on to their little game and the rules change.
Some of the dialogue is wicked and the more I think back, the more I kind of liked it, if you can bend your mind around the weird bits this has a certain reward for you.
A 3.5 Rating rounded up.
I received Facial from Darkfuse & Netgalley in exchange for an honest review and that’s what you’ve got.
http://paulnelson.booklikes.com/post/...
And what a spooky cover but it soon becomes apparent as to what’s going on amid the imagination of someone who must have had something slipped into his drink as he embarked on writing this.
Carlton finds something totally freaky in his basement that leads to him confiding in his brother and then commencing a gargantuan killing spree that’s never going to end in a good place.
Greg is the other brother and the one we meet first as he shoots a hitman in the head, saves him paying the second instalment but the only problem… gotta get rid of the body. This is where Carlton comes in as suddenly he’s after a dead body. Amazing coincidence.
Felicia is Greg’s wife and she cheats on him relentlessly, the first time we meet her is damn funny as she is just about to receive a facial (yes of that variety but not really related to the title of the story) from one of her lovers. I underlined a quote from this scene but, no I shouldn’t put it in, Ah go on then, you talked me into it.
Just as Chester is about to unload both barrels, so to speak, she’s tired of waiting and says.
“You’ve got 10 seconds”
Chester nodded “Ten…nine…eight…seven…”
“Please don’t do a countdown”
Greg & Carlton then set about killing all her past conquests, right up to the point that she cottons on to their little game and the rules change.
Some of the dialogue is wicked and the more I think back, the more I kind of liked it, if you can bend your mind around the weird bits this has a certain reward for you.
A 3.5 Rating rounded up.
I received Facial from Darkfuse & Netgalley in exchange for an honest review and that’s what you’ve got.
http://paulnelson.booklikes.com/post/...
July 25, 2016
This one from Jeff Strand is told from many different POV’s and each voice has that Strand style – biting, witty dialog and thoroughly whacked out characters.
Greg’s wife has been cheating on him. A lot.
Luckily for him, his brother Carlton, has a face in his basement and it’s hungry.
Jeff Strand is one of the most distinctive voices in Horror today. His style is undeniable - Funny and fast with the appropriate amount of blood and guts. Oh yea, and a funny as hell facial. Let the countdown begin. 10, 9, 8...
*As a member of the DarkFuse / NetGalley Readers Group, I received an advanced copy of this e-book in exchange for an honest review.
Greg’s wife has been cheating on him. A lot.
Luckily for him, his brother Carlton, has a face in his basement and it’s hungry.
Jeff Strand is one of the most distinctive voices in Horror today. His style is undeniable - Funny and fast with the appropriate amount of blood and guts. Oh yea, and a funny as hell facial. Let the countdown begin. 10, 9, 8...
*As a member of the DarkFuse / NetGalley Readers Group, I received an advanced copy of this e-book in exchange for an honest review.
June 26, 2016
This screwed up little novella begins like an everyday noir story and then transforms into something vastly different. Impotent resume writer Greg has hired a hitman to kill the boldest of his wife's many lovers, but he doesn't want any loose ends and murders the assassin in his office. Of course, the problem arises of how to dispose of the body. Conveniently, Greg's brother Carlton has a need for a dead body and a great way of disposing of it. It has something to do with the terrifying thing that he just found in his basement.
This was a pretty entertaining, quick read, and utterly bizarre. It's not life-changing literature by any means, but I wouldn't have been able to stop reading even if I wanted to. My eyes were glued to my Kindle by the sheer audacity of the story, thinking: "I can't believe I'm actually reading this!," but also anxious to read more because it was cool to see how the story evolved. I had a desire to see how far the author would take the craziness. And I'm here to tell you, he takes it pretty far!
*I recieved an Advanced Reader copy from DarkFuse via NetGalley for an honest review*
This was a pretty entertaining, quick read, and utterly bizarre. It's not life-changing literature by any means, but I wouldn't have been able to stop reading even if I wanted to. My eyes were glued to my Kindle by the sheer audacity of the story, thinking: "I can't believe I'm actually reading this!," but also anxious to read more because it was cool to see how the story evolved. I had a desire to see how far the author would take the craziness. And I'm here to tell you, he takes it pretty far!
*I recieved an Advanced Reader copy from DarkFuse via NetGalley for an honest review*
February 17, 2015
Odd and more weird than concise and scary, honestly it didn't read half as good as stories my friends write for fun. It started off interesting and then just got lost. One part stood out, the eating part, no more words to avoid spoilers.
Strand is an incredible author but this I simply didn't enjoy, off to his next read though, I still love his stuff.
Kasia S.
Strand is an incredible author but this I simply didn't enjoy, off to his next read though, I still love his stuff.
Kasia S.
January 3, 2021
I thought this book was cool. I really like the concept of the story. This was a mild bizarro story and a good quick read. I also think there might be something wrong with me because I thought parts of this book were funny. Also I really need to read more Jeff Strand because I like how he develops characters and the story. Anyway really a fun read so check it out.
December 15, 2014
Review copy
Much like Forrest Gump's famous box of chocolates, you never know what your're going to get when you open a Jeff Strand book.
In Facial it's a cheating wife...a hired killer...a dead hired killer...a dead lion, but it's what's beneath the dead lion that tips the scales into the world of weird.
Facial is a quick read. One that will most definitely leave your head spinning. The seemingly unlimited imagination of Jeff Strand has taken his readers to some very unusual places over the years. None more so that Carlton's basement.
Once again the Darkfuse cover team has provided the perfect artwork for one of their books. After reading Facial you'll know why. And let's face it (pun intended), you know you want to read this one. It's from Jeff Strand and the folks at Darkfuse. What's not to like.
Available for pre-order now at Amazon.com. Release date is Tuesday, December 16, 2014. If you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited you can read this one for no additional charge.
Recommended.
Much like Forrest Gump's famous box of chocolates, you never know what your're going to get when you open a Jeff Strand book.
In Facial it's a cheating wife...a hired killer...a dead hired killer...a dead lion, but it's what's beneath the dead lion that tips the scales into the world of weird.
Facial is a quick read. One that will most definitely leave your head spinning. The seemingly unlimited imagination of Jeff Strand has taken his readers to some very unusual places over the years. None more so that Carlton's basement.
Once again the Darkfuse cover team has provided the perfect artwork for one of their books. After reading Facial you'll know why. And let's face it (pun intended), you know you want to read this one. It's from Jeff Strand and the folks at Darkfuse. What's not to like.
Available for pre-order now at Amazon.com. Release date is Tuesday, December 16, 2014. If you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited you can read this one for no additional charge.
Recommended.
January 18, 2015
2.5
Not my favorite Strand story but the comedy kept me reading. If you are new to Strand, hit up Dweller or Kumquat. I enjoyed this, but all of my Strand expectations are unrealistically exceedingly high and this didn't hit the mark in the same way his others have.
(Sorry, Jeff)
That said, you need to read him if you haven't yet. There isn't another author out there that I can competently compare him to and I will continue reading him, even if he's just trying to do the math on a napkin at Denny's while contemplating his tip on the bill. I would totally read that.
Not my favorite Strand story but the comedy kept me reading. If you are new to Strand, hit up Dweller or Kumquat. I enjoyed this, but all of my Strand expectations are unrealistically exceedingly high and this didn't hit the mark in the same way his others have.
(Sorry, Jeff)
That said, you need to read him if you haven't yet. There isn't another author out there that I can competently compare him to and I will continue reading him, even if he's just trying to do the math on a napkin at Denny's while contemplating his tip on the bill. I would totally read that.
October 18, 2014
3.5 stars.
Bizarre. Funny. Bizarre. If Jeff Strand is good at one thing, it's one-liners and this novella has plenty of them.
There are two brothers: Greg, a man who has just hired a hit-man to kill his wife's lover and Carlton, his odd and unhygienic brother. A face appears on Carlton's basement floor - yes - a face. The face demands to be fed human heads. So what do they do? They oblige it, of course!
Did I mention this one was bizarre? Think LSD meets stand up comedy meets more LSD and you end up with Facial.
Bizarre. Funny. Bizarre. If Jeff Strand is good at one thing, it's one-liners and this novella has plenty of them.
There are two brothers: Greg, a man who has just hired a hit-man to kill his wife's lover and Carlton, his odd and unhygienic brother. A face appears on Carlton's basement floor - yes - a face. The face demands to be fed human heads. So what do they do? They oblige it, of course!
Did I mention this one was bizarre? Think LSD meets stand up comedy meets more LSD and you end up with Facial.
December 25, 2014
Um..not sure. Just a little speechless. This started out great but the ending was weird. More on this later.
After much thought I give Jeff mad props for keeping my interest even though towards the end it leaned into disbelief. I guess I had a hard time believing what Carlton was capable of but then when I pictured everything that happened as a plague or sickness it was more believable. I could be totally wrong here. Even though, I know I can always be counted on being entertained and laughing my head off while simultaneously being grossed out. Way to go! Look forward to more!
After much thought I give Jeff mad props for keeping my interest even though towards the end it leaned into disbelief. I guess I had a hard time believing what Carlton was capable of but then when I pictured everything that happened as a plague or sickness it was more believable. I could be totally wrong here. Even though, I know I can always be counted on being entertained and laughing my head off while simultaneously being grossed out. Way to go! Look forward to more!
November 12, 2014
This was my first venture into the imagination and penmanship of Jeff Strand. There was nothing disappointing about this experience whatsoever. This book was a brilliant read and something very memorable. Combining horror with humour is something I have not sampled before, Jeff Strand pulls it off really well in Facial.
Greg has just killed the man he hired to kill one of his wife’s many lovers. He’s now got a dead body in his office.
Carlton, Greg’s brother, desperately needs a dead body. It’s kind of related to the lion corpse that he found in his basement.
This is the normal part of the story.
Too right, that is the normal part of the story! From early in this book I was having a good laugh, some of it is just downright hilarious, yet mixed in with horror and gore makes it for a really unique read. I never in a million years would have thought it would actually work, but it does! A fun, yet chilling read, go figure huh?
Don't get me wrong, there is horror in here amongst some witty moments, there is gore and plenty of WTF moments for the reader, it's like having the best of everything.
With dead lions, demanding "things" that want heads to eat, and brothers that are as disturbed as they are comical. They are a bit like Laurel & Hardy high on Hammer Horror! This book is bizarre, but good, really good. Pure entertainment factor. Why not laugh then be scared in the same paragraph?
So you get this..
Followed by this..
And finally..
With a fast pace, an interesting (weird) plot and some moments of sheer genius, Facial is a book I highly recommend to anyone, horror fan or not. I think Jeff is a very clever writer to pull this one off and I am super keen to try more of his books. 4.5 stars from me for Facial.
And for my favourite paragraph in the whole book..
I was kindly given a copy of Facial from the author, Jeff Strand after I asked nicely, greatly appreciated! In exchange for this kindness I have written this review.
Greg has just killed the man he hired to kill one of his wife’s many lovers. He’s now got a dead body in his office.
Carlton, Greg’s brother, desperately needs a dead body. It’s kind of related to the lion corpse that he found in his basement.
This is the normal part of the story.
Too right, that is the normal part of the story! From early in this book I was having a good laugh, some of it is just downright hilarious, yet mixed in with horror and gore makes it for a really unique read. I never in a million years would have thought it would actually work, but it does! A fun, yet chilling read, go figure huh?
"So, if I'm understanding you correctly, and let me know if I'm not, you're saying that you want me to bring people down here so you can devour their flesh, blood and bone. Is that the basic gist of it?" "Yes." "Okay, well fuck that." "Take some time to think about it." "Nah, I'm comfortable with my gut reaction." "Think about it."Carlton has uncovered something very strange in his basement, something that defies all logic and he needs help from Greg, Greg has his own problems with a dead body in his office. They really need each other. But what the hell are they getting themselves into?
Don't get me wrong, there is horror in here amongst some witty moments, there is gore and plenty of WTF moments for the reader, it's like having the best of everything.
With dead lions, demanding "things" that want heads to eat, and brothers that are as disturbed as they are comical. They are a bit like Laurel & Hardy high on Hammer Horror! This book is bizarre, but good, really good. Pure entertainment factor. Why not laugh then be scared in the same paragraph?
So you get this..
Followed by this..
And finally..
With a fast pace, an interesting (weird) plot and some moments of sheer genius, Facial is a book I highly recommend to anyone, horror fan or not. I think Jeff is a very clever writer to pull this one off and I am super keen to try more of his books. 4.5 stars from me for Facial.
And for my favourite paragraph in the whole book..
I simply cannot do justice to the sheer awfulness of this experience. There is literally not a single positive thing that I can say about it. So I'm going to do an H.P. Lovecraft and write that it was so horrible that it cannot be described, and leave it at that.
I was kindly given a copy of Facial from the author, Jeff Strand after I asked nicely, greatly appreciated! In exchange for this kindness I have written this review.
November 13, 2014
If you appreciate weird and are a fan of Jeff Strand, then you're going to love Facial. If you're one or the other, then you'll probably like this just fine. If you're neither, then try a different Jeff Strand book, because this one - short and eminently readable as it is - is not the place to start with this very talented author.
Dealing with two brothers who each come into contact with a face growing out of the basement floor of one of their homes, Facial starts with Strand's trademark midnight black humour and only gets darker as the novella progresses. That's really all that can be said without spoiling details, other than noting this one is probably not as laugh out loud funny as most of his other works I've read, but it nevertheless produced a couple of wry chuckles.
Though I had my issues with this one, most were addressed before I swiped onto the last page. With one notable exception. Strand writes from the POV of a host of characters throughout the book, and pretty much all of the voices sounded the same. As such, were it not for the handy name beneath the chapter number, I think I would have struggled with who had taken over the narrative at times.
That gripe aside, Facial is fun and weird in a way that justifies the use of bold. It probably even falls into the realm of bizarro, and if so, this would be one of the few examples of that genre that I enjoyed.
4 Bad Ideas That Seemed Good at the Time for Facial.
The preceding was based on an eARC received from Netgalley courtesy of DarkFuse Publications.
Dealing with two brothers who each come into contact with a face growing out of the basement floor of one of their homes, Facial starts with Strand's trademark midnight black humour and only gets darker as the novella progresses. That's really all that can be said without spoiling details, other than noting this one is probably not as laugh out loud funny as most of his other works I've read, but it nevertheless produced a couple of wry chuckles.
Though I had my issues with this one, most were addressed before I swiped onto the last page. With one notable exception. Strand writes from the POV of a host of characters throughout the book, and pretty much all of the voices sounded the same. As such, were it not for the handy name beneath the chapter number, I think I would have struggled with who had taken over the narrative at times.
That gripe aside, Facial is fun and weird in a way that justifies the use of bold. It probably even falls into the realm of bizarro, and if so, this would be one of the few examples of that genre that I enjoyed.
4 Bad Ideas That Seemed Good at the Time for Facial.
The preceding was based on an eARC received from Netgalley courtesy of DarkFuse Publications.
November 3, 2014
This was a humorous bizarre story about two brothers, a cheating wife and a face in the floor of a basement. It starts out with Greg who hires a hit man to kill Tommy the man who is sleeping with his wife Felicia. They have been married for twenty three years and she been cheating the past five. Reason being he is impotent and she is trying to make up for lost time. Then the other brother Carlton finds a dead lion in his basement. He hears a voice tell him to remove the lion. He finds out that the voice is coming from a face in the floor. The face tells him he will be rewarded with gold coins if he is brought a body. Here is where the story starts getting really bizarre. I enjoyed reading this story, liked the flow and how fast the story read. It might not be as strong a story as Pressure or Dweller because of the length. But with Jeff's stories to me they all are a treat to read. I gave Facial 4 stars.
I received an e-arc of this book from DarkFuse/NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I received an e-arc of this book from DarkFuse/NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
February 22, 2017
Twisted, very very twisted... but funny!
November 1, 2014
Jeff Strand's short fiction piece titled Facial starts off sounding like crime noir albeit very funny crime noir. There is a murder, then another murder, then lots of murders. How we get to the multiple murder scenario is where the weird stuff sets in. Strand sort of specializes in writing what you think is one thing and then turning it on its head, in this case somewhat literally. When you get to the dead lion in the basement and the face coming out of the floor, you know things are getting a little loopy.
In Facial, we end up with a dark comedy with supernatural elements. I hate giving many details in what is a short story so I will leave the rest for the reader to discover. Short stories deserve short reviews. Let's say that Facial has all the Strand elements; sharp witty dialogue, galloping plot with hairpin turns, and an imagination that doesn't quit. There is also some of the coolest changes in narratives I have ever read. Yet this one didn't grab me like his work usually does. It may be because, just this year, Strand has already hit two home runs out of the park with Kumquat and I Have a Bad Feeling about This. Facial feels like his usual madness. Yes, I liked it. Yes, I recommend it to those who like their murders and horrors with lots of laughs. But I ended the tale feeling that it was not one of his best. Entertaining as hell but no real kick, so to speak. So I am leaving it at three and a half stars. Not bad at all but not at the head of the class.
In Facial, we end up with a dark comedy with supernatural elements. I hate giving many details in what is a short story so I will leave the rest for the reader to discover. Short stories deserve short reviews. Let's say that Facial has all the Strand elements; sharp witty dialogue, galloping plot with hairpin turns, and an imagination that doesn't quit. There is also some of the coolest changes in narratives I have ever read. Yet this one didn't grab me like his work usually does. It may be because, just this year, Strand has already hit two home runs out of the park with Kumquat and I Have a Bad Feeling about This. Facial feels like his usual madness. Yes, I liked it. Yes, I recommend it to those who like their murders and horrors with lots of laughs. But I ended the tale feeling that it was not one of his best. Entertaining as hell but no real kick, so to speak. So I am leaving it at three and a half stars. Not bad at all but not at the head of the class.
November 19, 2014
Facial by Jeff Strand
Read November 18, 2014
Dark Fuse November Novella
If someone had sent me this book without indicating the author, once I read the first chapter, I would have known the author must surely be Jeff Strand. His humor is written so well. I find myself laughin out loud.
Not only is the humor entertaining in this book, but the story itself is well written and simply seems to float from one person to the next. I like how he started the book, ended the book and every thing in-between.
Recommended
5 Stars
Read November 18, 2014
Dark Fuse November Novella
If someone had sent me this book without indicating the author, once I read the first chapter, I would have known the author must surely be Jeff Strand. His humor is written so well. I find myself laughin out loud.
Not only is the humor entertaining in this book, but the story itself is well written and simply seems to float from one person to the next. I like how he started the book, ended the book and every thing in-between.
Recommended
5 Stars
August 21, 2019
Jeff strand writing bizarro! WHY IS THERE NOT MORE OF THIS???? AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!
June 6, 2015
For a second, I thought Facial was going to be equal parts gritty and sardonic, but it didn't take long to realize that Jeff Strand had far stranger plans in mind with his novella.
Meet Greg. He's got an unfaithful wife. He's not so tore up about her cheating, but one guy she slept with just had to gloat about it. So Greg hired a guy to kill that guy. Then Greg killed the guy he hired to kill that other guy. Now Greg needs to get rid of the guy's body.
Meet Carlton, Greg's brother. Carlton isn't a crime boss. He isn't much of anything really. But he does have a basement, and in that basement is a lion corpse, and underneath that lion corpse is a face. And that face is hungry.
Wait, lion corpse? Yeah, but don't get bogged down on that detail. Focus on the face ... or not. Actually, better not, because people who come in contact with that face ... change. Everything changes really.
If this sounds a little weird to you, you're wrong. It's a lot weird. What is at once a fairly straight-forward tale of revenge and jealousy veers into this unsettling, bloodthirsty tease towards the apocalypse. It's not a threat of some great cataclysm, but just the gradually ramping up of one dead body after the next, and the disquieting realization between the two brothers that their original intentions for taking lives is no longer why they do what they do, and it doesn't seem to bother them that much.
If you're familiar with Jeff's previous work, the touches of humor are certainly there in full display, but I can't recall ever reading one of his books that was quite so bizarre. And that might be saying something, because the guy knows how to inject the bizarre into the mundane. It's a daring story, though readers eager for outright explanations to the uncanny may away scratching their heads ... or their faces.
Meet Greg. He's got an unfaithful wife. He's not so tore up about her cheating, but one guy she slept with just had to gloat about it. So Greg hired a guy to kill that guy. Then Greg killed the guy he hired to kill that other guy. Now Greg needs to get rid of the guy's body.
Meet Carlton, Greg's brother. Carlton isn't a crime boss. He isn't much of anything really. But he does have a basement, and in that basement is a lion corpse, and underneath that lion corpse is a face. And that face is hungry.
Wait, lion corpse? Yeah, but don't get bogged down on that detail. Focus on the face ... or not. Actually, better not, because people who come in contact with that face ... change. Everything changes really.
If this sounds a little weird to you, you're wrong. It's a lot weird. What is at once a fairly straight-forward tale of revenge and jealousy veers into this unsettling, bloodthirsty tease towards the apocalypse. It's not a threat of some great cataclysm, but just the gradually ramping up of one dead body after the next, and the disquieting realization between the two brothers that their original intentions for taking lives is no longer why they do what they do, and it doesn't seem to bother them that much.
If you're familiar with Jeff's previous work, the touches of humor are certainly there in full display, but I can't recall ever reading one of his books that was quite so bizarre. And that might be saying something, because the guy knows how to inject the bizarre into the mundane. It's a daring story, though readers eager for outright explanations to the uncanny may away scratching their heads ... or their faces.
December 17, 2014
Throughout my reading of Jeff Strand’s Facial, one thought repeatedly crossed my mind, primarily in it’s long, NSFW form: WTF.
I’ve read a few strange books over the years, but this one takes the cake and may very well be on of the most farcical horror stories I’ve ever read.
Despite it bold oddness, the story is actually pretty simple and summed up pretty well during a moment of exposition when Greg explains his, and his brother’s, predicament to his cheating wife by telling her:
"[T]his scary face appeared on the floor of Carlton’s basement, and it gave us gold coins in exchange for feeding it severed heads, and we figured that if we had to kill people, it might as well be people who are cuckholding me, so I’m a monster!"
And that’s Facial in a nutshell. It’s a trippy, hallucinogenic story of bloodlust and murder, with a comedic bent. It’s a quick, short read, and the story flops around between alternating viewpoints from Greg, Carlton, Felicia (Greg’s cheating wife), and a few of their victims.
Unfortunately, this novella didn’t quite work for me. I typically don’t have a problem with shifting narrators, but here, they all carried the same voice and personality, and sense of humor. Overall, it was just a little too Looney Tunes for my palette, a little too off-wall and improbable, a little too long and a bit too one-note.
That said, the one thing that is strongly apparent in this work is its originality. I can honestly say I have not read anything quite like it before! And given that, I am very curious to see what else Strand has up his sleeve and will be checking out some of his other works in the near-future.
I’ve read a few strange books over the years, but this one takes the cake and may very well be on of the most farcical horror stories I’ve ever read.
Despite it bold oddness, the story is actually pretty simple and summed up pretty well during a moment of exposition when Greg explains his, and his brother’s, predicament to his cheating wife by telling her:
"[T]his scary face appeared on the floor of Carlton’s basement, and it gave us gold coins in exchange for feeding it severed heads, and we figured that if we had to kill people, it might as well be people who are cuckholding me, so I’m a monster!"
And that’s Facial in a nutshell. It’s a trippy, hallucinogenic story of bloodlust and murder, with a comedic bent. It’s a quick, short read, and the story flops around between alternating viewpoints from Greg, Carlton, Felicia (Greg’s cheating wife), and a few of their victims.
Unfortunately, this novella didn’t quite work for me. I typically don’t have a problem with shifting narrators, but here, they all carried the same voice and personality, and sense of humor. Overall, it was just a little too Looney Tunes for my palette, a little too off-wall and improbable, a little too long and a bit too one-note.
That said, the one thing that is strongly apparent in this work is its originality. I can honestly say I have not read anything quite like it before! And given that, I am very curious to see what else Strand has up his sleeve and will be checking out some of his other works in the near-future.
June 3, 2015
I received an ARC ebook of this novella from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Perhaps I should be worried that I didn’t find this all that weird….
I have read most of Jeff Strand’s work and I am a fan. For those of you not familiar with his work I would recommend Dweller and Wolf Hunt for starters. You will thank me later, I am sure.
Strand has a distinctive voice, that is for sure. Very few people can pull off farce and even few would even attempt a horror farce but Strand does it very very well, and this is one of his better ones.
I envision this more or less like a “reader’s theatre” concept. I picture a blank stage with about 10 characters who read their character viewpoints which are arranged into chapters. Many laughs would erupt from the audience at the dialogue, which is one of Strand’s strong points. His characters say things that are laugh out loud funny but can’t be repeated because we would worry what people would think of anyone who found such a horrible concept funny….
And every now and then the audience would pause when underneath the zany banter lurks a bit of uncomfortable truth. I felt that way about this one. There is something deeper here that says something about us as people and how detached and amoral we can be. Farsical as the violence is in this novella, I was uncomfortable thinking of real life parallels.
Jeff sure makes me laugh. But he also makes me squirm and disturbs me. That is why I read him and will continue to do so.
Perhaps I should be worried that I didn’t find this all that weird….
I have read most of Jeff Strand’s work and I am a fan. For those of you not familiar with his work I would recommend Dweller and Wolf Hunt for starters. You will thank me later, I am sure.
Strand has a distinctive voice, that is for sure. Very few people can pull off farce and even few would even attempt a horror farce but Strand does it very very well, and this is one of his better ones.
I envision this more or less like a “reader’s theatre” concept. I picture a blank stage with about 10 characters who read their character viewpoints which are arranged into chapters. Many laughs would erupt from the audience at the dialogue, which is one of Strand’s strong points. His characters say things that are laugh out loud funny but can’t be repeated because we would worry what people would think of anyone who found such a horrible concept funny….
And every now and then the audience would pause when underneath the zany banter lurks a bit of uncomfortable truth. I felt that way about this one. There is something deeper here that says something about us as people and how detached and amoral we can be. Farsical as the violence is in this novella, I was uncomfortable thinking of real life parallels.
Jeff sure makes me laugh. But he also makes me squirm and disturbs me. That is why I read him and will continue to do so.
October 18, 2014
One thing you can be sure of when you read a Jeff Strand book is that you'll never guess where it's going and it's going to be unique getting there. Facial starts rather crazily from the first page and the insanity never lets up! A joking hitman, a dead lion in a basement and a talking face in the floor; what more could you want in a book?!
That being said, this book was very entertaining. His unique sense of humor shines in this book and I had MANY "laugh out loud" moments while reading it which is very rare for me (but rather common when reading a book by Strand). The chapters move from person to person, each time with a character telling the story in their point of view. While that might sound confusing, I promise that it works quite well and I enjoyed seeing what each person was thinking as the book rolled on.
If you've never had a glimpse into the mind of Jeff Strand, you're missing out. Pick up one of his zany books like this and read it today! Recommended!
That being said, this book was very entertaining. His unique sense of humor shines in this book and I had MANY "laugh out loud" moments while reading it which is very rare for me (but rather common when reading a book by Strand). The chapters move from person to person, each time with a character telling the story in their point of view. While that might sound confusing, I promise that it works quite well and I enjoyed seeing what each person was thinking as the book rolled on.
If you've never had a glimpse into the mind of Jeff Strand, you're missing out. Pick up one of his zany books like this and read it today! Recommended!
April 8, 2015
This starts off like a crime-noir with a snarky argument between a hit man and the guy who hired him and then just goes off the deep end into bizarro horror. Despite the gruesome killings this was actually quite funny in an inappropriate and totally uncanny way. Quick, entertaining read and just pure escapism.
April 1, 2023
So much blood I feel gross.
Not sure what I just read but it escalated quickly!!
It was gross though. A good thing it was short simply due to the grossness.
Not sure what I just read but it escalated quickly!!
It was gross though. A good thing it was short simply due to the grossness.
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