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Where the Duck is Minerva McGonagall?
Welcome to a somewhat serious inquiry into the whereabouts of a very sneaky witch.
Hermione Granger (badass Auror working for MACUSA) has been summoned back to Britain by Kingsley Shacklebolt to help with an investigation. Of course, Hermione agrees; working with Harry again is going to be so much fun… only, it turns out that Harry is unavailable, and unfortunately, she gets stuck with Draco Malfoy.
Warnings:
- Hold onto your gold; there is a Niffler in this story.
- Draco Malfoy reserves the right to cast Aguamentis at hair he deems offensive.
- Whatever is said in the Cave of Plunderous Intent, stays in the Cave of Plunderous Intent.
- Approach any wine provided by the Icelandic Legend Erla with extreme caution.
Hermione Granger (badass Auror working for MACUSA) has been summoned back to Britain by Kingsley Shacklebolt to help with an investigation. Of course, Hermione agrees; working with Harry again is going to be so much fun… only, it turns out that Harry is unavailable, and unfortunately, she gets stuck with Draco Malfoy.
Warnings:
- Hold onto your gold; there is a Niffler in this story.
- Draco Malfoy reserves the right to cast Aguamentis at hair he deems offensive.
- Whatever is said in the Cave of Plunderous Intent, stays in the Cave of Plunderous Intent.
- Approach any wine provided by the Icelandic Legend Erla with extreme caution.
755 pages, ebook
Published May 12, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 115 reviews
October 24, 2025
Such a funny, feel good story 🥰🥰
The take on this was so refreshing.
The take on this was so refreshing.
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May 21, 2026I will never tire of reading about my close personal friends, Draco and Hermione
January 1, 2026
What a fun read to end the year… Holworth needs an honorable mention 😂
March 27, 2026
brilliant use of quill
February 18, 2026
3,5 🌟
lustig (für meinen Geschmack manchmal zu gewollt)…Spannung leider gar nicht vorhanden. Niffler 10/10 🦦🐾
lustig (für meinen Geschmack manchmal zu gewollt)…Spannung leider gar nicht vorhanden. Niffler 10/10 🦦🐾
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November 18, 2025this was so fucking funny
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January 8, 2026can’t stand when other people are funnier than me
December 28, 2025
Silly, funny & a ML who’s down bad for the MC. What more could u want from a fanfic? 🤌🏼
October 8, 2025
More like 3.5
It was funny even if it was a bit raunchy. It worked most of the time. My favorite part about this book is Draco’s relationship with Harry and some other favorites. I don’t think I’ve read a book where they’re actually friends and it was really nice.
The plot was good, I didn’t guess anything until the end. All the new characters from America were great as well. Loved the slow burn although my biggest gripe is there was no “moment” when they finally got together. It was just accepted that they were. A bit of a let down.
Dodger and Theo are my all time favs. Loved George’s role too.
It was funny even if it was a bit raunchy. It worked most of the time. My favorite part about this book is Draco’s relationship with Harry and some other favorites. I don’t think I’ve read a book where they’re actually friends and it was really nice.
The plot was good, I didn’t guess anything until the end. All the new characters from America were great as well. Loved the slow burn although my biggest gripe is there was no “moment” when they finally got together. It was just accepted that they were. A bit of a let down.
Dodger and Theo are my all time favs. Loved George’s role too.
October 25, 2025
man weiß man ist im leseloch angekommen wenn man harry potter fan fictions liest aber das war ehrlich so gut darum no regrets
January 29, 2026
so funny, so clever, loved every second of it!!!
October 17, 2025
It’s fics like this that are the reason I will never ever ever stop reading fanfiction. Non published writing is some of the best I’ve read and this is no exception.
This is hall of famer girlies.
Petition to have a niffler in every fic - enjoy this as much as I did: “Last time I build you a fucking treehouse, you violent excuse for a handbag.”
This is hall of famer girlies.
Petition to have a niffler in every fic - enjoy this as much as I did: “Last time I build you a fucking treehouse, you violent excuse for a handbag.”
December 1, 2025
3.75 stars. It was cute and funny! I do feel like the story wasn’t as strong at the end and I could’ve used some more emotional turmoil surrounding the relationships. But overall a cute read.
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December 8, 2025I love all Dramiones and will forever read every single one of them. This fic is fun, flirty, light, filled with great banter, and has a ton of comedic relief. This is my second fic from Roxy, and it was everything I remembered loving from Oops, I Joined the Good Guys. Fastpaced, funny chapter names (which tbh I LOVED because it made remembering what happened in each chapter so easy), lots of internal thoughts, and different POVs.
I also adore a flirty, sarcastic Draco who’s willing to do absolutely anything to make Hermione see him. And Dodger the Niffler? I’m obsessed. He was adorable AND pretty important for the plot.
The story itself was super entertaining. Minerva goes missing, so Hermione has to come back from the USA (she originally ended up in Australia thanks to an illegal portkey from Draco) to England to find her. She ends up paired with Draco, who has secretly been in love with her forever, hence the portkey 10 years ago. Because of this, it’s not an ETL fic. So if you’re looking for huge realizations, yearning, or angst… this isn’t that vibe.
Hermione’s personality is very different here. She’s more Slytherin coded, which I didn’t 100% buy. She’s confident, cunning, rule-bendy, and extremely bossy (spicy bossy though lol). Everyone else’s personalities, even though they’re almost 30, feel very teenagery. Lots of yelling-to-make-someone-flustered, pranks, zero communication, and very dramatic internal monologues. It’s super on brand for Roxy’s style, and while it made total sense in Oops (since they were still in school), it’s a bit sillier here. Still hilarious af, though.
🚨Spoilers:🚨
6 trials: mostly Draco/Hermione, a couple with Harry. Minerva was never actually missing; she was hiding because someone was threatening her (we later find out it was Justin, a salty muggleborn turned criminal who’s mad about how the war trials went). He’s been stealing Galleons and replacing them with fakies with the “help” of Nifflers, and he’s after the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone, which, surprise, Dumbledore never destroyed.
To keep Justin away from it, Minerva set up these trials so only Hermione and Harry could solve them. Some of them get pretty intense (they almost drown in one).
In the end, Minerva tells Draco, Hermione, and Harry that it’s now THEIR job to guard the Stone and hopefully destroy it. No one has ever managed to. 7-ish years later, Hermione figures out it can be destroyed in a Large Hadron Collider at CERN. They do it, and then create a fake muggle explanation for the event (the infamous weasel shutting the system down).
There’s more: Hermione’s coworker Holworth (an ex-baddie with morally questionable methods who seduces Narcissa), flirty and fun Theo, creepy Justin, Ginny being a terrible secret-keeper but amazing in every other way, the story behind Hermione’s nickname “Cuffs” (that guy deserved to be chained naked, and THAT’S why she got fired from her job AND hired by MACUSA), and probably more things I’ll add if I remember them.
Fun read.
3.25/5
I also adore a flirty, sarcastic Draco who’s willing to do absolutely anything to make Hermione see him. And Dodger the Niffler? I’m obsessed. He was adorable AND pretty important for the plot.
The story itself was super entertaining. Minerva goes missing, so Hermione has to come back from the USA (she originally ended up in Australia thanks to an illegal portkey from Draco) to England to find her. She ends up paired with Draco, who has secretly been in love with her forever, hence the portkey 10 years ago. Because of this, it’s not an ETL fic. So if you’re looking for huge realizations, yearning, or angst… this isn’t that vibe.
Hermione’s personality is very different here. She’s more Slytherin coded, which I didn’t 100% buy. She’s confident, cunning, rule-bendy, and extremely bossy (spicy bossy though lol). Everyone else’s personalities, even though they’re almost 30, feel very teenagery. Lots of yelling-to-make-someone-flustered, pranks, zero communication, and very dramatic internal monologues. It’s super on brand for Roxy’s style, and while it made total sense in Oops (since they were still in school), it’s a bit sillier here. Still hilarious af, though.
🚨Spoilers:🚨
6 trials: mostly Draco/Hermione, a couple with Harry. Minerva was never actually missing; she was hiding because someone was threatening her (we later find out it was Justin, a salty muggleborn turned criminal who’s mad about how the war trials went). He’s been stealing Galleons and replacing them with fakies with the “help” of Nifflers, and he’s after the Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone, which, surprise, Dumbledore never destroyed.
To keep Justin away from it, Minerva set up these trials so only Hermione and Harry could solve them. Some of them get pretty intense (they almost drown in one).
In the end, Minerva tells Draco, Hermione, and Harry that it’s now THEIR job to guard the Stone and hopefully destroy it. No one has ever managed to. 7-ish years later, Hermione figures out it can be destroyed in a Large Hadron Collider at CERN. They do it, and then create a fake muggle explanation for the event (the infamous weasel shutting the system down).
There’s more: Hermione’s coworker Holworth (an ex-baddie with morally questionable methods who seduces Narcissa), flirty and fun Theo, creepy Justin, Ginny being a terrible secret-keeper but amazing in every other way, the story behind Hermione’s nickname “Cuffs” (that guy deserved to be chained naked, and THAT’S why she got fired from her job AND hired by MACUSA), and probably more things I’ll add if I remember them.
Fun read.
3.25/5
September 4, 2025
4 bonnes étoiles
Franchement, quel bon moment ! J’ai ri à chaque page quasiment. C’était exactement ce qu’il me fallait après mon coup de cœur pour The Raven Scholar.
Une histoire très drôle, un style excellent, des dialogues hilarants et quelques épreuves et mystères.
Alors, oui, sur 770 pages, il y aurait pu avoir un peu plus de mystères et rebondissements mais pour autant je ne me suis pas ennuyée et j’étais toujours contente de reprendre.
C’est léger et drôle et c’est parfait si on cherche une seconde lecture qu’on peut poser et reprendre facilement.
Franchement, quel bon moment ! J’ai ri à chaque page quasiment. C’était exactement ce qu’il me fallait après mon coup de cœur pour The Raven Scholar.
Une histoire très drôle, un style excellent, des dialogues hilarants et quelques épreuves et mystères.
Alors, oui, sur 770 pages, il y aurait pu avoir un peu plus de mystères et rebondissements mais pour autant je ne me suis pas ennuyée et j’étais toujours contente de reprendre.
C’est léger et drôle et c’est parfait si on cherche une seconde lecture qu’on peut poser et reprendre facilement.
December 31, 2025
This was genuinely hilarious. Such a fun read - I laughed so much. I loved the writing style, specifically the use of parentheses (the best way to add detail). Something I love abt fan fics is the way you feel you’re just kicking back with the author - and that’s how this felt. This reminded me of how I felt reading Draco malfoy & the mortifying ordeal of being in love. There was banter, there was flirting and there was an obsessed Draco bringing life back to our girl.
October 23, 2025
The banter, the niffler, the friend group, and the curious plot development made such a fun read! Reminiscent of mortifying ordeal of falling in love, this was another romantic comedy I thoroughly enjoyed reading although this time around, we have simp Draco right off the bat and I couldn’t be more of a fan!
December 8, 2025
this was fucking magnificent, the humour was perfectly curated, all the characters were exactly as i imagine them to really be, the relationship between draco and hermione was so beautiful and hilarious, and the threads were so precise and smart i was shocked. honestly one of the best i read this year
January 17, 2026
Loved this!!
February 17, 2026
Fun story. Draco Auror helping when McGonagall goes missing and leaves Hermione clues.
February 20, 2026
4.8 ⭐️ hilariously phenomenal
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May 12, 2026All for the laughs & for fun.
June 15, 2026
Sometimes i forget how good fanfics can be
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April 22, 2026Honestly this is a fun time, I don’t know why the haters gotta hate 🤦🏼♀️
November 8, 2025
3,5 ⭐️
January 11, 2026
Lives up to all the hype - the perfect combo of DMATMOOBIL with just a hint of BSP 🤌🏼 Auror Hermione was a fun read, I only wish there’d been a bit more action scenes for her. Also loved the calls to Fantastic Beasts
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November 5, 2025Okay I loved this! The riddles were so much fun, the mystery was great, and the way it all tied together was so fun.
I love hermiones American colleagues. They were wild. Holworth was truly a great addition.
I was absolutely rooting for Draco and hermione. He was pining so bad and I loved it.
I love hermiones American colleagues. They were wild. Holworth was truly a great addition.
I was absolutely rooting for Draco and hermione. He was pining so bad and I loved it.
November 9, 2025
I really did not like the way the characters were just always in banter mode- even when about to die or in serious situations. The tone was very teenaged and I really wanted to like it. I liked dodger- he was adorable and fun addition. otherwise it was very surface and the focus was flirting. I really wanted more depth! (also lots of parentheses and exclamation points and taking about masturbating with professors).
August 25, 2025
Essentially DMATMOOBIL
May 3, 2026
*giggling hysterically*
Displaying 1 - 30 of 115 reviews