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You Can't Have My Daughter
As a single 51-year-old woman, Elizabeth McDonnell had given up hope of ever becoming a mother. When she was approved to adopt ten-year-old Lara, a sweet and caring girl, it was a dream come true. Elizabeth knew that that her new daughter had had a difficult past but when she found out that Lara had been abused, the extent of her emotional damage became clear. By the age of twelve, Lara was often out of control, hanging out with drug dealers in Oxford, disappearing for days. For the next five years Elizabeth put herself in danger to rescue her daughter time and time again, while battling the authorities who failed to give Lara the help she so desperately needed. She had no idea that her daughter was being trafficked by a sex ring. Because she refused to give up on Lara, today Elizabeth and Lara have a close and loving relationship. Deeply moving, You Can't Have My Daughter is the story of a mother determined to keep her promise to her 'I will always be there for you, whether you want me to or not'.
387 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 9, 2015
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142 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
August 7, 2023
A moving, heartbreaking, harrowing but ultimately uplifting true life read, written in way that is impossible to put down as you keep wanting to find out what happens to Lara? Elizabeth McDonnell shows she is a talented writer (as well as a saint) who also intersperses the odd humorous touch to make this book a well rounded biographical read.
At age 51 Elizabeth McDonnell finally fulfills her lifelong dream of being a mother when she adopts 10 year old Lara. But the severe abuse Lara has been subjected to since she was a toddler has left deep damage which makes her at times difficult and ill behaved despite now having a loving home. Lara also shows a loving nature and can be extremely caring as when she takes care of Elizabeth's terminally ill father. She also loves animals.
After Lara at age 12 falls victim to a ruthless Muslim child rape gang , unknown to Elizabeth, her behaviour spins out of control. Elizabeth who promises Lara 'I will always be there for you whether you want me to or not' will not give up on Lara, despite Lara's continual running away and violent outbursts.
Elizabeth shows he golden nature and praiseworthy loyalty and resolve in standing be Lara whatever ill behaviour she falls into.
Lara is being forced into child prostitution. She has been threatened with mutilation and death. And Elizabeth being murdered. She is being drugged, beaten and tortured by the Pakistani gang of child groomers. Elizabeth tries to get help from the police and social services who are completely indifferent to Lara's life and death plight. When the ghastly truth is uncovered and Lara becomes a mother Elizabeth with help from some sterling individuals works to bring the gang to justice. The evil ringleader 'Egyptian Mo' and his brother 'Sam the Rapist ' (Bassam) who have pimped, raped ad tortured hundreds of British girls seem untouchable. And Lara tells Elizabeth that they are stronger than anyone and even the police seem scared of them.
Elizabeth mentions a book she has read about Victorian England where the vulnerable and abused are treated as criminals and the ruthless criminals are pampered by the law. This is exactly what she sees when the victims of these evil grooming gangs are persecuted by the police and social services and the gangs protected.
Eventually the gang are brought to justice but only Lara is further abused by the execrable defense lawyer for the accused.
Elizabeth and Lara have built a new life in Wales with Lara's two children. Lara has shown she is a wonderful young woman with inner strength. Elizabeth is saint who saved a vulnerable child's life. She deserves recognition, an OBE and a human rights award.
But still the industrial scale of grooming, gang rape and pimping of children, by Muslim gangs, across Britain continues and not enough is being done to combat it.
How many Laras will not see a happy ending?
Merged review:
A moving, heartbreaking, harrowing but ultimately uplifting true life read, written in way that is impossible to put down as you keep wanting to find out what happens to Lara? Elizabeth McDonnell shows she is a talented writer (as well as a saint) who also intersperses the odd humorous touch to make this book a well rounded biographical read.
At age 51 Elizabeth McDonnell finally fulfills her lifelong dream of being a mother when she adopts 10 year old Lara. But the severe abuse Lara has been subjected to since she was a toddler has left deep damage which makes her at times difficult and ill behaved despite now having a loving home. Lara also shows a loving nature and can be extremely caring as when she takes care of Elizabeth's terminally ill father. She also loves animals.
After Lara at age 12 falls victim to a ruthless Muslim child rape gang , unknown to Elizabeth, her behaviour spins out of control. Elizabeth who promises Lara 'I will always be there for you whether you want me to or not' will not give up on Lara, despite Lara's continual running away and violent outbursts.
Elizabeth shows he golden nature and praiseworthy loyalty and resolve in standing be Lara whatever ill behaviour she falls into.
Lara is being forced into child prostitution. She has been threatened with mutilation and death. And Elizabeth being murdered. She is being drugged, beaten and tortured by the Pakistani gang of child groomers. Elizabeth tries to get help from the police and social services who are completely indifferent to Lara's life and death plight. When the ghastly truth is uncovered and Lara becomes a mother Elizabeth with help from some sterling individuals works to bring the gang to justice. The evil ringleader 'Egyptian Mo' and his brother 'Sam the Rapist ' (Bassam) who have pimped, raped ad tortured hundreds of British girls seem untouchable. And Lara tells Elizabeth that they are stronger than anyone , and even the police seem scared of them.
Elizabeth mentions a book she has read about Victorian England where the vulnerable and abused are treated as criminals and the ruthless criminals are pampered by the law. This is exactly what she sees when the victims of these evil grooming gangs are persecuted by the police and social services and the gangs protected.
Eventually the gang are brought to justice, but only Lara is further abused by the execrable defense lawyer for the accused.
Elizabeth and Lara have built a new life in Wales with Lara's two children. Lara has shown she is a wonderful young woman with inner strength. Elizabeth is saint who saved a vulnerable child's life. She deserves recognition, an OBE and a human rights award.
But still the industrial scale of grooming, gang rape and pimping of children, by Muslim gangs, across Britain continues and not enough is being done to combat it.
How many like Lara will not see a happy ending?
At age 51 Elizabeth McDonnell finally fulfills her lifelong dream of being a mother when she adopts 10 year old Lara. But the severe abuse Lara has been subjected to since she was a toddler has left deep damage which makes her at times difficult and ill behaved despite now having a loving home. Lara also shows a loving nature and can be extremely caring as when she takes care of Elizabeth's terminally ill father. She also loves animals.
After Lara at age 12 falls victim to a ruthless Muslim child rape gang , unknown to Elizabeth, her behaviour spins out of control. Elizabeth who promises Lara 'I will always be there for you whether you want me to or not' will not give up on Lara, despite Lara's continual running away and violent outbursts.
Elizabeth shows he golden nature and praiseworthy loyalty and resolve in standing be Lara whatever ill behaviour she falls into.
Lara is being forced into child prostitution. She has been threatened with mutilation and death. And Elizabeth being murdered. She is being drugged, beaten and tortured by the Pakistani gang of child groomers. Elizabeth tries to get help from the police and social services who are completely indifferent to Lara's life and death plight. When the ghastly truth is uncovered and Lara becomes a mother Elizabeth with help from some sterling individuals works to bring the gang to justice. The evil ringleader 'Egyptian Mo' and his brother 'Sam the Rapist ' (Bassam) who have pimped, raped ad tortured hundreds of British girls seem untouchable. And Lara tells Elizabeth that they are stronger than anyone and even the police seem scared of them.
Elizabeth mentions a book she has read about Victorian England where the vulnerable and abused are treated as criminals and the ruthless criminals are pampered by the law. This is exactly what she sees when the victims of these evil grooming gangs are persecuted by the police and social services and the gangs protected.
Eventually the gang are brought to justice but only Lara is further abused by the execrable defense lawyer for the accused.
Elizabeth and Lara have built a new life in Wales with Lara's two children. Lara has shown she is a wonderful young woman with inner strength. Elizabeth is saint who saved a vulnerable child's life. She deserves recognition, an OBE and a human rights award.
But still the industrial scale of grooming, gang rape and pimping of children, by Muslim gangs, across Britain continues and not enough is being done to combat it.
How many Laras will not see a happy ending?
Merged review:
A moving, heartbreaking, harrowing but ultimately uplifting true life read, written in way that is impossible to put down as you keep wanting to find out what happens to Lara? Elizabeth McDonnell shows she is a talented writer (as well as a saint) who also intersperses the odd humorous touch to make this book a well rounded biographical read.
At age 51 Elizabeth McDonnell finally fulfills her lifelong dream of being a mother when she adopts 10 year old Lara. But the severe abuse Lara has been subjected to since she was a toddler has left deep damage which makes her at times difficult and ill behaved despite now having a loving home. Lara also shows a loving nature and can be extremely caring as when she takes care of Elizabeth's terminally ill father. She also loves animals.
After Lara at age 12 falls victim to a ruthless Muslim child rape gang , unknown to Elizabeth, her behaviour spins out of control. Elizabeth who promises Lara 'I will always be there for you whether you want me to or not' will not give up on Lara, despite Lara's continual running away and violent outbursts.
Elizabeth shows he golden nature and praiseworthy loyalty and resolve in standing be Lara whatever ill behaviour she falls into.
Lara is being forced into child prostitution. She has been threatened with mutilation and death. And Elizabeth being murdered. She is being drugged, beaten and tortured by the Pakistani gang of child groomers. Elizabeth tries to get help from the police and social services who are completely indifferent to Lara's life and death plight. When the ghastly truth is uncovered and Lara becomes a mother Elizabeth with help from some sterling individuals works to bring the gang to justice. The evil ringleader 'Egyptian Mo' and his brother 'Sam the Rapist ' (Bassam) who have pimped, raped ad tortured hundreds of British girls seem untouchable. And Lara tells Elizabeth that they are stronger than anyone , and even the police seem scared of them.
Elizabeth mentions a book she has read about Victorian England where the vulnerable and abused are treated as criminals and the ruthless criminals are pampered by the law. This is exactly what she sees when the victims of these evil grooming gangs are persecuted by the police and social services and the gangs protected.
Eventually the gang are brought to justice, but only Lara is further abused by the execrable defense lawyer for the accused.
Elizabeth and Lara have built a new life in Wales with Lara's two children. Lara has shown she is a wonderful young woman with inner strength. Elizabeth is saint who saved a vulnerable child's life. She deserves recognition, an OBE and a human rights award.
But still the industrial scale of grooming, gang rape and pimping of children, by Muslim gangs, across Britain continues and not enough is being done to combat it.
How many like Lara will not see a happy ending?
December 3, 2023
Reading what this mother and her daughter has been through, in the mother’s own words is truly heartbreaking. A glimpse into the horror that and scale that is grooming, raping and pimping of children within the UK. I am so happy Lara found the strength to bring her abusers to justice and move on with her life. I am just starting ‘girl for sale’ which is by Elizabeth’s daughter Lara.
April 14, 2015
The author decided in her fifties that she wanted to adopt a child She was tired of only having herself to please in her life and felt she could offer a stable home to a child. She had wondered whether she would be accepted as a possible parent at her age but in fact the application process proved fairly straightforward. She was happy to accept a child with some emotional and behavioural problems and in the end she was offered Lauren - a young girl who had already had several foster homes even though she was not yet in her teens.
Many people reading this book would have given up on Lauren because she was incredibly badly behaved - though not all the time. She attacked the author, disappeared for days at a time, ranted and swore at anyone and everyone if she couldn't do what she wanted and smashed things in the house as well as stealing from her adopted mother. I know I would have given up but the author persisted because she had seen how Lauren - now called Lara - could be when she was all right.
Eventually Lara's abusive upbringing before she met the author emerged. What the author didn't know was what was happening to Lara when she disappeared for days on end and re-appeared, dirty, unkempt and usually dressed in clothes which were totally inappropriate for her. She was being abused by a gang of men who were later charged with, tried and convicted of various sexual offences against underage girls. Lara gave evidence against them at the trial as did the author.
This is a harrowing read and one which will give parents nightmares. I have no children but I found it a difficult and uncomfortable read. It also reveals how difficult it can be to deal with Social Services and to get the help you need in such a situation. There were some people who were able to go by the spirit of their regulations rather than the letter of them but they seemed to be few and far between. Even though the author had a great deal of professional experience dealing with the authorities she found it almost impossible to get the help she needed with Lara.
The author and Lara have now moved away from Oxford and started new lives in Wales and I wish them every success and happiness in the future.
Many people reading this book would have given up on Lauren because she was incredibly badly behaved - though not all the time. She attacked the author, disappeared for days at a time, ranted and swore at anyone and everyone if she couldn't do what she wanted and smashed things in the house as well as stealing from her adopted mother. I know I would have given up but the author persisted because she had seen how Lauren - now called Lara - could be when she was all right.
Eventually Lara's abusive upbringing before she met the author emerged. What the author didn't know was what was happening to Lara when she disappeared for days on end and re-appeared, dirty, unkempt and usually dressed in clothes which were totally inappropriate for her. She was being abused by a gang of men who were later charged with, tried and convicted of various sexual offences against underage girls. Lara gave evidence against them at the trial as did the author.
This is a harrowing read and one which will give parents nightmares. I have no children but I found it a difficult and uncomfortable read. It also reveals how difficult it can be to deal with Social Services and to get the help you need in such a situation. There were some people who were able to go by the spirit of their regulations rather than the letter of them but they seemed to be few and far between. Even though the author had a great deal of professional experience dealing with the authorities she found it almost impossible to get the help she needed with Lara.
The author and Lara have now moved away from Oxford and started new lives in Wales and I wish them every success and happiness in the future.
January 22, 2018
I have read many books on trafficking. I have an education in criminal justice and have worked as a victim advocate. I understand the complexity of the lives of the victims. I had a hard time with this book with how Lauren treated her mother. As her mother was having a mini stroke, Lauren was upset that her mum wouldn’t be making her cookies because she was going to the hospital. Lauren physically assaulted her mum weekly, stole from her, emotionally and verbally abused her and would set her gang of thugs on her.
I had a hard time understanding why zero boundaries were set for this child and why her mother was purchasing cigarettes for a 12-year-old. I also couldn’t figure out why she let two convicted sex offenders hang out with her pregnant 15-year-old daughter in her own home. I know working with children who have been in these situations can be extremely difficult but, allowing your child’s pedophile mates in your home is insane. I had to read that paragraph at least three times because I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
If anyone out there is getting physically assaulted by their child, it is time to seek professional help, not keep family secrets. I am very disappointed in this book. I hope Lauren has gone on to live a productive life. I hope she has realised all the sacrifices her mother has made for her, and how lucky she is to have someone who stuck with her after all that abuse. What happened to her should have never happened, that goes without saying. This does not give her the golden ticket to lay a hand on anyone let alone a woman who gave up so much for her.
I had a hard time understanding why zero boundaries were set for this child and why her mother was purchasing cigarettes for a 12-year-old. I also couldn’t figure out why she let two convicted sex offenders hang out with her pregnant 15-year-old daughter in her own home. I know working with children who have been in these situations can be extremely difficult but, allowing your child’s pedophile mates in your home is insane. I had to read that paragraph at least three times because I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
If anyone out there is getting physically assaulted by their child, it is time to seek professional help, not keep family secrets. I am very disappointed in this book. I hope Lauren has gone on to live a productive life. I hope she has realised all the sacrifices her mother has made for her, and how lucky she is to have someone who stuck with her after all that abuse. What happened to her should have never happened, that goes without saying. This does not give her the golden ticket to lay a hand on anyone let alone a woman who gave up so much for her.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 24, 2022
inspirational
Lara and Elisabeth you both persevered so many times against so many overwhelming odds, when most others would have long before given up. Social Services, police, schools, mental health workers - the system - should hang their heads in abject shame but as both of you know only too well - never will.
I already knew what they are like but had never had to experience the depravity - and I don’t believe the word is too strong - that both of you did from them.
I suspect the hold that Egyptian Mo etc had on you Lara may have been due to a possible struggle with what you believed about yourself based on your past and what your Mum was teaching you. So you may have unwittingly sabotaged the future. Many young people never overcome that low self image and that is tragic. I bet you still struggle Lara but I believe you could do superb work in helping them one day.
I was a social worker and I left many years ago because after ten years I knew the system was getting worse and that I could not stop it. Before that I had a good few horrendous experiences which, I believe, helped me empathise. I’m a counselling psychologist now and my work is so much more rewarding but every day I hear clients’ horror stories of bad mental health social work and mental health nursing practice that sabotage lives.
A final word to Jean and all of the others who so helped you both. I wish there were others like you - they are so needed.
Anne
Lara and Elisabeth you both persevered so many times against so many overwhelming odds, when most others would have long before given up. Social Services, police, schools, mental health workers - the system - should hang their heads in abject shame but as both of you know only too well - never will.
I already knew what they are like but had never had to experience the depravity - and I don’t believe the word is too strong - that both of you did from them.
I suspect the hold that Egyptian Mo etc had on you Lara may have been due to a possible struggle with what you believed about yourself based on your past and what your Mum was teaching you. So you may have unwittingly sabotaged the future. Many young people never overcome that low self image and that is tragic. I bet you still struggle Lara but I believe you could do superb work in helping them one day.
I was a social worker and I left many years ago because after ten years I knew the system was getting worse and that I could not stop it. Before that I had a good few horrendous experiences which, I believe, helped me empathise. I’m a counselling psychologist now and my work is so much more rewarding but every day I hear clients’ horror stories of bad mental health social work and mental health nursing practice that sabotage lives.
A final word to Jean and all of the others who so helped you both. I wish there were others like you - they are so needed.
Anne
January 9, 2021
I had read many books by the victims of child sex grooming gangs, this was Only the second I read by a parent. Although overly detailed, Elizabeth’s book gives a very different perspective of things. Even knowing these children are damaged, and abused, they are not easy to love or understand. Elizabeth deserves some sort of medal for signing up for this and completing the mission. I had earlier read Elizabeth’s daughters account and so it was very refreshing for once to be able to read the same story from different viewpoints. I still have zero idea how the issues presented in both books can be improved for others. It’s all just some kind of terrible nightmare, no wonder those being charged with the protection of these children (police, social services) have made such a mess up of it.
August 6, 2019
This story always breaks my heart, it's such a hard read as not only is it terrifying due to the nature of the story; for me it hits home as I went through similar for the first few chapters. Now as a mother myself, it hits harder than ever because as a mother your worst nightmares come true in this book.
I can't imagine how this mother must have felt, to have been failed by the authorities; the people who are supposed to be there to protect us all!
I can't imagine how this mother must have felt, to have been failed by the authorities; the people who are supposed to be there to protect us all!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 23, 2022
This book was weird but good. The stories can be repetitive, but this makes a powerful statement about how bad it got for them. It’s also frustrating how little control the mother has over her daughter’s extremely destructive behavior, but this also makes a statement about how unsupported they were. The writing was good, and the mother’s love and dedication really was so evident. So scary how such a young girl was a victim to horrific abuse and her mother could do so little to stop it.
March 2, 2018
A well written and shocking true story about the failure of statutory services to help a young girl and her adoptive Mother. This story made me smile, laugh, frown and become very angry at times. Would highly recommend.
May 24, 2017
Heartbreaking read more should have been done earlier to help her
October 18, 2018
Found the whole situation frustrating. How did all the adults miss this? How can people do this to kids?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 2, 2021
Unfortunately I really struggled to get into this one so had to give up on it. I was annoyed that I couldn't get into as I enjoyed her Daughter's book Girl For Sale.
March 1, 2017
Currently on page 106 and I find that this book is indeed soooo stressful ughh. If I am Elizabeth, trust me I'd definitely change my mind on taking care of Lauren.
July 6, 2015
I must admit I skim-read this book, only because I've read so many similar and I don't particularly like to read the detailed descriptions of abuse. However, this is one of the most frank and honest books about sex trafficking I've read to date, from the words of the mother too. Something that is missing in relation to this subject.
I admire McDonnell for speaking out about the lack of action by the police, social services and local councils when sex trafficking and forced prostitution involves underage children, in this instance girls. She has brought to light a subject that is at the heart of mainstream media at present, an issue that has been going on for years and still is, yet is rarely resolved. The fact that underage girls are being sexually abused, hooked to drugs, beaten, raped and sometimes even killed by these gangs right under the noses of the police, social services and local authorities who are meant to take notice and protect these vulnerable children (not young people as McDonnell quite rightly states) is something we as a country must convince the government to do something about- even if some of those involved are as high up as the government. McDonnell's book gives light to this 'taboo' subject and offers us a portrait into this 'other world' which is all around us, every day.
A convincing and well-written book that must be read and the subject (grooming, forced drug addiction, sex trafficking, abuse) highlighted as an urgent issue to be addressed- now!
I admire McDonnell for speaking out about the lack of action by the police, social services and local councils when sex trafficking and forced prostitution involves underage children, in this instance girls. She has brought to light a subject that is at the heart of mainstream media at present, an issue that has been going on for years and still is, yet is rarely resolved. The fact that underage girls are being sexually abused, hooked to drugs, beaten, raped and sometimes even killed by these gangs right under the noses of the police, social services and local authorities who are meant to take notice and protect these vulnerable children (not young people as McDonnell quite rightly states) is something we as a country must convince the government to do something about- even if some of those involved are as high up as the government. McDonnell's book gives light to this 'taboo' subject and offers us a portrait into this 'other world' which is all around us, every day.
A convincing and well-written book that must be read and the subject (grooming, forced drug addiction, sex trafficking, abuse) highlighted as an urgent issue to be addressed- now!
June 5, 2015
Despite some inconsistencies in this book as compared to that of Elizabeth's adopted daughter Lara's book (which I'm inclined to believe are probably down to a, witness protection or b, Elizabeth's mind is clearer than Lara's in remembering certain details) I have to say this is a really good book. At times it was lighthearted especially Elizabeth's use of 'OMG'.
Lara and her two children are lucky to have Elizabeth as their mum/grandmother. The world would be a better place with more 'Elizabeths". I hope they can put all the bad times behind them and enjoy their family and future!!!
Lara and her two children are lucky to have Elizabeth as their mum/grandmother. The world would be a better place with more 'Elizabeths". I hope they can put all the bad times behind them and enjoy their family and future!!!
April 10, 2015
Awesome, Elizabeth is the kind of woman you want on your side if you go into battle and, sadly, she had to.
Parts of this book would be funny if they weren't true and the failure of several services to protect a child is just stunning. You can only hope that certain individuals read this book and realise what they did, or didn't do.
Lara is a brave young lady and is lucky she had the mighty Elizabeth on her side. Their story is tragic, hopeful and incredible.
Parts of this book would be funny if they weren't true and the failure of several services to protect a child is just stunning. You can only hope that certain individuals read this book and realise what they did, or didn't do.
Lara is a brave young lady and is lucky she had the mighty Elizabeth on her side. Their story is tragic, hopeful and incredible.
February 17, 2016
Heart breaking I could stop reading.
This is an amazing story about a mum's determination not to give up on her daughter it makes you realise the world that kids are growing up in is more terrifying and dangerous than we could ever dare to imagine. It opened my eyes to signs of sexual exploitation and hopefully It will help me spot early signs in young people I work. With. I will be recommend ing this book to everyone both Elizabeth and Lara are incredible and brave.
This is an amazing story about a mum's determination not to give up on her daughter it makes you realise the world that kids are growing up in is more terrifying and dangerous than we could ever dare to imagine. It opened my eyes to signs of sexual exploitation and hopefully It will help me spot early signs in young people I work. With. I will be recommend ing this book to everyone both Elizabeth and Lara are incredible and brave.
February 1, 2016
Incredible book, just heartbreaking to hear this woman and her families story, definitely a book you get emotionally invested in and it's very well written and said. Definitely an insight and a well written book. I recommend .
May 3, 2015
A gripping book, if that is the right word.
V interesting to hear the perception from the adults point of view.
V interesting to hear the perception from the adults point of view.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews