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The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives
“This groundbreaking work will give voice to an enormous population of women who are struggling to understand themselves in the face of their fathers’ absence.” —Claire Bidwell Smith, author of The Rules of Inheritance and After This
When Motherless Daughters was published 20 years ago, it unleashed a tsunami of healing awareness. When Denna Babul and Karin Smithson couldn't find the equivalent book for fatherlessness, The Fatherless Daughter Project was born. The book will set fatherless women on the path to growth and fulfillment by helping them to understand how their loss has impacted their lives.
A father is supposed to provide a sense of security and stability. Losing a father comes with particular costs that vary depending on the way he left and how old a girl was when she lost him. Drawing on interviews with over 5000 women who became fatherless due to death, divorce, neglect, and outright abandonment, the authors have found that fatherless daughters tend to push their emotions underground. These issues in turn become distinct patterns in their relationships as adult women and they often can't figure out why. Delivered with compassion and expertise, this book allows readers support and understanding they never had when they first needed it, and it encourages the conversation to continue.
When Motherless Daughters was published 20 years ago, it unleashed a tsunami of healing awareness. When Denna Babul and Karin Smithson couldn't find the equivalent book for fatherlessness, The Fatherless Daughter Project was born. The book will set fatherless women on the path to growth and fulfillment by helping them to understand how their loss has impacted their lives.
A father is supposed to provide a sense of security and stability. Losing a father comes with particular costs that vary depending on the way he left and how old a girl was when she lost him. Drawing on interviews with over 5000 women who became fatherless due to death, divorce, neglect, and outright abandonment, the authors have found that fatherless daughters tend to push their emotions underground. These issues in turn become distinct patterns in their relationships as adult women and they often can't figure out why. Delivered with compassion and expertise, this book allows readers support and understanding they never had when they first needed it, and it encourages the conversation to continue.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published April 12, 2016
104 people are currently reading
815 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
June 16, 2016
Both authors of this book are fatherless. According to the introduction, Babul lost her father through divorce and then early death, and Luise lost her father through divorce and family dysfunction. Their stories aren't exactly front and center in this book, but they do come up a lot. (It's clear that the authors wrote this as much for themselves as for others.) Their goal with this book is pretty straightforward: they want to help other fatherless daughters understand how their father's absence has affected them and how they can move on from the pain of loss.
The book is divided into eight chapters. The first half of the book mostly talks about the different circumstances that might lead to a woman being abandoned by her father. The second half (the real meat of the book, in my opinion) gets into the nitty gritty of how losing a father affects future relationships, as well as how fatherless daughters can learn to cope with whatever pain they are holding on to, process it, then move toward living joyful and content lives.
I don't think I was prepared, at first, for the uber casual and friendly tone of the book, but I warmed up to it quickly. Both Babul and Luise come off as very kind and authentic, forthright and honest, but also extremely gentle and encouraging. Reading the book is like talking to a really nice, insightful therapist.
I will say, though, that the first half of the book is a little slow. Babul and Louise spend A LOT of time talking about ALL the possible types of "fatherless" family situations: Here's how you might feel if your dad died, here's how you might feel if your dad was emotionally absent, here's how you might feel if your dad committed suicide, abused you, went to jail, had an addiction, etc. I get that there are a lot of ways a woman can be abandoned by her father, but I don't think Babul and Louise needed to talk about each one specifically. I enjoyed reading the sections that applied to me and my situation...but much of those sections didn't apply to me, so the book's momentum kept stuttering.
What I really wish is that Babul and Louise had edited down the first half of the book and just let the second half shine. Because Chapters 5 through 8 are dynamite. I had so many a-ha moments. The chapter on how fatherlessness affects romantic relationships blew my mind. I cried and analyzed and understood and then felt better about myself and my life. The last chapter on moving forward was also helpful and incredibly empowering.
Ultimately, I enjoyed reading this book. It's not really one you can zip through. There is a lot of info in here, a lot to take in and process, but the payoff definitely makes the effort worthwhile.
ARC provided through Amazon Vine. See more of my reviews at www.BugBugBooks.com.
The book is divided into eight chapters. The first half of the book mostly talks about the different circumstances that might lead to a woman being abandoned by her father. The second half (the real meat of the book, in my opinion) gets into the nitty gritty of how losing a father affects future relationships, as well as how fatherless daughters can learn to cope with whatever pain they are holding on to, process it, then move toward living joyful and content lives.
I don't think I was prepared, at first, for the uber casual and friendly tone of the book, but I warmed up to it quickly. Both Babul and Luise come off as very kind and authentic, forthright and honest, but also extremely gentle and encouraging. Reading the book is like talking to a really nice, insightful therapist.
I will say, though, that the first half of the book is a little slow. Babul and Louise spend A LOT of time talking about ALL the possible types of "fatherless" family situations: Here's how you might feel if your dad died, here's how you might feel if your dad was emotionally absent, here's how you might feel if your dad committed suicide, abused you, went to jail, had an addiction, etc. I get that there are a lot of ways a woman can be abandoned by her father, but I don't think Babul and Louise needed to talk about each one specifically. I enjoyed reading the sections that applied to me and my situation...but much of those sections didn't apply to me, so the book's momentum kept stuttering.
What I really wish is that Babul and Louise had edited down the first half of the book and just let the second half shine. Because Chapters 5 through 8 are dynamite. I had so many a-ha moments. The chapter on how fatherlessness affects romantic relationships blew my mind. I cried and analyzed and understood and then felt better about myself and my life. The last chapter on moving forward was also helpful and incredibly empowering.
Ultimately, I enjoyed reading this book. It's not really one you can zip through. There is a lot of info in here, a lot to take in and process, but the payoff definitely makes the effort worthwhile.
ARC provided through Amazon Vine. See more of my reviews at www.BugBugBooks.com.
October 25, 2017
I found this to be just okay. I understand that the focus was supposed to be how the father play such an important role in a daughter's life, but I think even so there was too much focus on fathers and not so much on how women could move forward in a healthy way. I found the title and concept interesting on a personal and professional level, but I felt like this was too much emotion and not that much research. Even when the authors mentioned that they had spoken with all these women who were fatherless and went about getting their stories, I felt like I only heard a couple of their stories by the end of the book. I think as a documentary this idea sounds good, but as a book I only felt there were a few helpful insights.
April 29, 2021
“The third truth for fatherless daughters might seem quite obvious, but it is something that a lot of us do not get to voice often enough. Most of us miss our fathers - or who we wanted our fathers to be. We miss being a daughter to our daddy. We miss his hugs, the sound of his voice, and the feeling of safety when we knew he was just around the corner.” ❤️
May 28, 2018
This may seem like an odd selection for me, but I picked it up because it was chosen by the members of my book club.
It might be worth pointing out that I am a vocational rehabilitation counselor; so I may have read more than my share of self help books in an attempt to understand the experiences of the clients I have been privileged to serve.
The book is an exploration of the impact of being "fatherless." It is the result of a survey the authors conducted in which they gathered information about the impact of fatherlessness.
My reaction is probably best described as mixed.
First the positives: I suspect that many fatherless women (and many people who care about them) will be glad they found this book. meeting kindred spirits is often a very powerful experience because it shows you that you are not the only one who feels as you do or reacts in a certain way. The authors weave their own stories and quotes from those who took their surveys, along with other fatherless women, throughout the book.
A quick look at the Table of contents will show you just how comprehensive this book is. Each topic is covered with enough depth to be quite useful.
as with any survey, the one the authors undertook had its weaknesses. Since they drew their conclusions from those who took the initiative to respond, I question whether some of the conclusions are actually representative of the experience of fatherless daughters as a whole. As anecdotal reporting, the quotes tell us a lot, but I think we have to be careful to remind ourselves that that is what this is, not a well controlled, comprehensive study. Also, there is no "control group;" so there is no way to know if some of the behaviors the authors ascribe to fatherlessness actually have anything to do with that.
I hate reading self help books for one reason: the authors constanly use certain catchwords and phrases which have no meaning either because they are overutilized or contain unnecessary words. In fact, I almost gave this book one star because of this. (Then I reminded myself that I probably put way too much emphasis on this.) If I saw one more reference to "daddy issues," "authentic self," "honoring your feelings," etc., I would have burned the book! I would argue that the "authenticity" the writers claim to value is actually diminished by these buzzwords.
If you are a fatherless daughter, or if you have an interest in the topic for some reason, give this book a try. It will provide useful tips and tools you can use as you look at the way fatherlessness has and has not impacted your life.
It might be worth pointing out that I am a vocational rehabilitation counselor; so I may have read more than my share of self help books in an attempt to understand the experiences of the clients I have been privileged to serve.
The book is an exploration of the impact of being "fatherless." It is the result of a survey the authors conducted in which they gathered information about the impact of fatherlessness.
My reaction is probably best described as mixed.
First the positives: I suspect that many fatherless women (and many people who care about them) will be glad they found this book. meeting kindred spirits is often a very powerful experience because it shows you that you are not the only one who feels as you do or reacts in a certain way. The authors weave their own stories and quotes from those who took their surveys, along with other fatherless women, throughout the book.
A quick look at the Table of contents will show you just how comprehensive this book is. Each topic is covered with enough depth to be quite useful.
as with any survey, the one the authors undertook had its weaknesses. Since they drew their conclusions from those who took the initiative to respond, I question whether some of the conclusions are actually representative of the experience of fatherless daughters as a whole. As anecdotal reporting, the quotes tell us a lot, but I think we have to be careful to remind ourselves that that is what this is, not a well controlled, comprehensive study. Also, there is no "control group;" so there is no way to know if some of the behaviors the authors ascribe to fatherlessness actually have anything to do with that.
I hate reading self help books for one reason: the authors constanly use certain catchwords and phrases which have no meaning either because they are overutilized or contain unnecessary words. In fact, I almost gave this book one star because of this. (Then I reminded myself that I probably put way too much emphasis on this.) If I saw one more reference to "daddy issues," "authentic self," "honoring your feelings," etc., I would have burned the book! I would argue that the "authenticity" the writers claim to value is actually diminished by these buzzwords.
If you are a fatherless daughter, or if you have an interest in the topic for some reason, give this book a try. It will provide useful tips and tools you can use as you look at the way fatherlessness has and has not impacted your life.
April 12, 2018
I recommend this book to any woman who is without a father at any point in her life (even parents and spouses of women who do not have fathers). The other reviews do a good job of covering what this book is and why you should read it, so let me address some points that I noticed and other reviewers haven’t really addressed yet:
Were you abandoned? Never met your father? Did you never get the chance to meet him, or did he actively decline to meet you? This book still applies to you and the authors have gone out of their way to acknowledge and address this minority case. I appreciated their efforts to include every situation in which one might be fatherless.
There was only one section in the book where they could’ve covered abandonment and didn’t (I think they gave it a nod with a section on stand in fathers—but not all of us abandoned had mothers who associated with men who would become positive father figures). Otherwise, this book was on point.
If you’re concerned that it might be a “religious book,” religion is kept to the background for the most part, and spirituality is covered as one option of many for coping. As an atheist, I appreciated the way this topic was covered so respectfully and tactfully. And if you are from a non-Christian or polytheistic background, the coverage of religion and spirituality is done in a way that can extend to any belief system inclusively.
I hope this helps someone make her decision to pick this book up.
Get a bullet journal. Do the exercises. Take the time for you.
Were you abandoned? Never met your father? Did you never get the chance to meet him, or did he actively decline to meet you? This book still applies to you and the authors have gone out of their way to acknowledge and address this minority case. I appreciated their efforts to include every situation in which one might be fatherless.
There was only one section in the book where they could’ve covered abandonment and didn’t (I think they gave it a nod with a section on stand in fathers—but not all of us abandoned had mothers who associated with men who would become positive father figures). Otherwise, this book was on point.
If you’re concerned that it might be a “religious book,” religion is kept to the background for the most part, and spirituality is covered as one option of many for coping. As an atheist, I appreciated the way this topic was covered so respectfully and tactfully. And if you are from a non-Christian or polytheistic background, the coverage of religion and spirituality is done in a way that can extend to any belief system inclusively.
I hope this helps someone make her decision to pick this book up.
Get a bullet journal. Do the exercises. Take the time for you.
November 24, 2016
Incredibly helpful in the journey of not growing up with a dad. I would have given it a five star rating if there was more of a cross section of daughters from common urban settings like moms having boyfriends or multiple stepfathers and half siblings around.
August 16, 2016
Every fatherless daughter should read this book. Wonderful!
October 19, 2019
I finally finished this book shortly after taking a hiatus from therapy. Finishing it was what really gave me closure on my relationship with my dad. This was an important book for me to read.
June 24, 2020
Very Good Book
Pretty good book. It helped me realize that I am affected by my dad not being around. I always thought I wasn't.
Pretty good book. It helped me realize that I am affected by my dad not being around. I always thought I wasn't.
July 31, 2024
great book for any girl who has lost her dad - and no, he doesn't have to be dead!
March 23, 2020
This book is intended to help fatherless women understand themselves and their relationships better, whether they found themselves fatherless through abandonment or through death. It was a very interesting read, if you are open to the insights and explanations the authors provide. I definitely found myself nodding along and saying "That makes so much sense." While it does get a little spiritual/new age at the end, I think the information was really useful and I believe that not only should fatherless women read it, but their partners and family members should as well. It's very illuminating and may help you understand yourself and your loved ones better.
June 19, 2023
Some helpful stuff, some stuff I've heard/read before. Gives me motivation to come out on top and some new things to think about.
February 11, 2021
The authors of this book also created a documentary by the same name – I think that the subject matter works better as a documentary than a book. Structurally, themes such as type of loss, timing of loss, family dynamics, relationships, etc. are used to try to tie the different kinds of fatherless daughter situations together. The difficulty is that there are so many different kinds of fatherless daughter situations, that it is tricky to try to tackle them all here. The book focuses mostly on the idea of physical absence over emotional absence, even though emotional absence is the second largest category of fatherlessness felt by daughters according to survey results. It’s designed as a feel-good, validating sisterhood approach to helping the fatherless daughter uncover and heal wounds and be able to move forward in life. While not my cup of tea stylistically – I prefer a style dedicated to solutioning over emoting – it is a quick read and one intended to be positively focused and warmly supportive. It absolutely succeeds in this regard.
November 29, 2016
AMAZING! I could definitely identify with this book as a fatherless daughter. This book has helped me to understand my life a lot better and it gave me a sense of comfort that I am not in this alone. I learned so much from this one book and it taught me great lessons about fatherlessness. I cannot recommend this book enough. If you haven't checked out already, then please do because you wont be wasting your time with this amazing piece of work.
February 1, 2017
2016 book about how to cope with emotional and psychological issues pertaining to traumatic feeling of loss due to death, abandonment, divorce, etc. by ones father. Advice on how to heal, move on with your life, build relationships, etc. The usual. Lots of examples, a few charts/worksheets.
October 9, 2019
I read things in this book that seemed to have come from my own story.....things were validated that helped me understand my reaction to my father's death ....BUT the last chapter on spirituality was a big let down for me because it is a key piece of the healing process.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 15, 2017
A must-read for fatherless daughters.
February 10, 2024
I expected to get more from this and there are snippets here and there I liked but for the most part it was nothing groundbreaking. Nothing you can’t find from google tbh
May 20, 2024
Reading this book was like talking to a dear friend and being told the things you needed to hear.
The authors define fatherlessness, for the purposes of this book, as the loss of a bond between a daughter and her father from a range or combination of circumstances: divorce/separation, death, complete emotional absence, desertion, addiction, abuse, incarceration, and/or never having met. If this definition resonates with you (whether it's been decades since your loss or recently), or you're looking to better understand the women in your life, then this book will be a good resource. I feel like they really included everything.
Some of the things I have learned:
All fatherless daughters share similarities (ex: fear of abandonment). We also differ based on how old we were at the time of our loss (for me, eight) and how we became fatherless (in my case separation and death by suicide), as well as whether we have siblings or are an only child. No matter the circumstances, fatherlessness changes the course of your life.
Being a survivor means we may have gained resilience, strength, wisdom, creative abilities, deep friendships, and deeper self-awareness, etc.
The authors (fatherless themselves) provided insight into how we may be struggling, the knowledge and life skills we may have missed out on learning, all while providing exercises and tips to help us move forward by ditching unhealthy coping for healthy coping strategies. They also provided a plethora of questions throughout to help you better understand yourself, as well as book recommendations for further reading.
Wherever you are on your fatherless journey, this book can help you better understand your own personal narrative/story. We have power over our lives and can change for the better mentally, physically, and spiritually (the spirit being the essence of "you"). And we are definitely not alone in our journeys.
The authors define fatherlessness, for the purposes of this book, as the loss of a bond between a daughter and her father from a range or combination of circumstances: divorce/separation, death, complete emotional absence, desertion, addiction, abuse, incarceration, and/or never having met. If this definition resonates with you (whether it's been decades since your loss or recently), or you're looking to better understand the women in your life, then this book will be a good resource. I feel like they really included everything.
Some of the things I have learned:
All fatherless daughters share similarities (ex: fear of abandonment). We also differ based on how old we were at the time of our loss (for me, eight) and how we became fatherless (in my case separation and death by suicide), as well as whether we have siblings or are an only child. No matter the circumstances, fatherlessness changes the course of your life.
Being a survivor means we may have gained resilience, strength, wisdom, creative abilities, deep friendships, and deeper self-awareness, etc.
The authors (fatherless themselves) provided insight into how we may be struggling, the knowledge and life skills we may have missed out on learning, all while providing exercises and tips to help us move forward by ditching unhealthy coping for healthy coping strategies. They also provided a plethora of questions throughout to help you better understand yourself, as well as book recommendations for further reading.
Wherever you are on your fatherless journey, this book can help you better understand your own personal narrative/story. We have power over our lives and can change for the better mentally, physically, and spiritually (the spirit being the essence of "you"). And we are definitely not alone in our journeys.
April 30, 2021
Without a doubt in my mind, this book is a 5 Star read for me personally.
I’ve been fatherless since before I was even born. This book helped me understand myself so much better. It helped me understand why I engaged with self harm for a certain point in my life, partially why I identify as Bisexual/Pansexual, certain fears I have, why I take things so much harder than I think other girls do, etc.
The main thing I took from this....I’m not alone.
I felt like no one in my life would understand me or my background because *I* was ashamed and felt too different for the world around me.
This book opened my mind to so much more. It became so overwhelming that I couldn’t exactly hold back my emotions and tears.
The only slightly negative thing about this book is that it has brought forth questions I don’t know if I want answered. I don’t know the full story about my biological father or his side alone. I only know my mom’s side. I want to meet him desperately and I hope I do in the future.
This book also made me wiser and more thoughtful about myself, which I thank the authors for.
I bought this on a whim. I had been crying in my car with my friend as we had gotten on the subject of my father and childhood. We stepped in just to go to the bathroom. She told me to go look at the books and she’d meet me there. I found this. I considered putting it back down and just going forth with our girls day. But I couldn’t. And I’m glad I didn’t put it back on its shelf.
I’ve been fatherless since before I was even born. This book helped me understand myself so much better. It helped me understand why I engaged with self harm for a certain point in my life, partially why I identify as Bisexual/Pansexual, certain fears I have, why I take things so much harder than I think other girls do, etc.
The main thing I took from this....I’m not alone.
I felt like no one in my life would understand me or my background because *I* was ashamed and felt too different for the world around me.
This book opened my mind to so much more. It became so overwhelming that I couldn’t exactly hold back my emotions and tears.
The only slightly negative thing about this book is that it has brought forth questions I don’t know if I want answered. I don’t know the full story about my biological father or his side alone. I only know my mom’s side. I want to meet him desperately and I hope I do in the future.
This book also made me wiser and more thoughtful about myself, which I thank the authors for.
I bought this on a whim. I had been crying in my car with my friend as we had gotten on the subject of my father and childhood. We stepped in just to go to the bathroom. She told me to go look at the books and she’d meet me there. I found this. I considered putting it back down and just going forth with our girls day. But I couldn’t. And I’m glad I didn’t put it back on its shelf.
December 20, 2024
As someone who is about to have their first child, social media usage is one of main concerns for my child. I see people younger than me not considering the lasting consequences of what they put on the internet. Adam presents a wonderful game plan but makes the content digestible. An easy read with a wealth of content.
Great read! As a parent with a child rapidly approaching his teen years, this book gave me a foundation of how to approach social media use with him. I appreciated the balanced ideas including not only the dangers and pitfalls but the positive aspects of using social media too. The information presented will help us begin these conversations and establish appropriate boundaries regarding social media from the very beginning. The information shared is practical and takes many perspectives into account so that families can decide how to best utilize these digital platforms. I would highly recommend this book!
Great read! As a parent with a child rapidly approaching his teen years, this book gave me a foundation of how to approach social media use with him. I appreciated the balanced ideas including not only the dangers and pitfalls but the positive aspects of using social media too. The information presented will help us begin these conversations and establish appropriate boundaries regarding social media from the very beginning. The information shared is practical and takes many perspectives into account so that families can decide how to best utilize these digital platforms. I would highly recommend this book!
July 7, 2025
I enjoyed this book, though it didn’t fully give me everything I was hoping for. I think it has good intentions and offers meaningful points throughout, especially for anyone on a healing journey after losing their father.
Personally, I went into it looking for something more focused on the direct experience of father loss, and while it touched on that, it sometimes felt more general. That said, there were still some powerful gems and reminders within the chapters that stood out and stayed with me.
If you’re grieving the loss of a father and are looking for a book that offers support, reflection, and emotional insight, I’d recommend this. It may not give you all the answers, but it might help you feel less alone in the questions.
Personally, I went into it looking for something more focused on the direct experience of father loss, and while it touched on that, it sometimes felt more general. That said, there were still some powerful gems and reminders within the chapters that stood out and stayed with me.
If you’re grieving the loss of a father and are looking for a book that offers support, reflection, and emotional insight, I’d recommend this. It may not give you all the answers, but it might help you feel less alone in the questions.
March 23, 2020
This book is intended to help fatherless women understand themselves and their relationships better, whether they found themselves fatherless through abandonment or through death. It was a very interesting read, if you are open to the insights and explanations the authors provide. I definitely found myself nodding along and saying "That makes so much sense." While it does get a little spiritual/new age at the end, I think the information was really useful and I believe that not only should fatherless women read it, but their partners and family members should as well. It's very illuminating and may help you understand yourself and your loved ones better.
Recommended by librarian Meagan
Recommended by librarian Meagan
July 5, 2024
This book covers many cases of abandonment and hurt from parents but I didn't see how it was uniquely applied to a daughter and father relationship. The psychological impacts are the same for daughter and mother or son and mother. Overall, it has good healing tips for anyone feeling abandonment and hurt from their parents. Most cases were about losing a beloved father or desiring to be loved by a father. Not so much cases where one does not know a father (truly fatherless) or have any positive experiences with one.
March 14, 2018
My concern is the authority of the authors. I wish they had cited more.
September 30, 2022
Challenging to read at times but very informative.
June 29, 2023
Decent.
I think would be best for someone who hasn't done a lot of therapy yet, or in conjunction with therapy.
I think would be best for someone who hasn't done a lot of therapy yet, or in conjunction with therapy.
March 12, 2024
Unsurprisingly a great read for me. There are parts that resonate with certain experiences and parts for others, but I connected with much of the concepts in this book.
May 17, 2024
I am a fatherless daughter and this book destroyed me.completely gutted. So much therapy.
February 8, 2025
Transformational! As someone who has experienced this type of loss, the relatability of other women’s stories alongside tools for mind, heart, and body healing will have you wishing you had read this sooner.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews