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Splinterpoint

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For stranded Earthling Nunzio Arquette, life in the interdimensional megalopolis of Splinterpoint isn’t a piece of cake. Between cutthroat guilds, his flamboyant alien ex-boyfriend, and an unfortunate run-in with a cursed burrito, all he wants is to get back home — if only he knew how to find Earth again. In the meantime, he uses his curse as a tool to assist him in bounty-hunting. It’s not the best job in the world, but it pays the bills.
That is, until an attractive, affable, magic-wielding barbarian named Kol’daar crashes Nunzio’s licensing evaluation with the Mercenaries’ Guild. Nunzio ends up on probation, and Kol’daar moves in next door. Despite getting off on the wrong foot, Kol’daar wants to be friends, even when Nunzio responds to his overtures with vandalism. His curse has kept him celibate for over a year, and even with a flirty new neighbor to tempt him, that won’t change. If Nunzio catches himself staring at those perfect abs, it’s just because the dude refuses to wear a shirt.
Further proving that Murphy’s Law is a multiversal constant, an apocalypse threatens the city. Of course, the only things that can stop it are Kol’daar, armed with his trusty music-magic, and Nunzio’s own unique destructive ability — that is, if the demons, pissed-off landladies, teenaged girls, self-interested thieves, radio evangelists, and mad scientists don’t get them first.

This story was written as a part of the M/M Romance Group's "Love is an Open Road" event. Group members were asked to write a story prompt inspired by a photo of their choice. Authors of the group selected a photo and prompt that spoke to them and wrote a short story.

Photo Description:
Two well-built, dark-haired men face each other in a small bathroom, their lower halves nearly touching. The shorter one has his back to the mirror, a disheveled look to his business-casual clothes. The taller one has shorter hair and no shirt at all. Both have shaving foam on their faces. The shorter man drags a razor over the taller one’s cheek. A second razor glides across his own face, guided by no visible hand.

This story may contain sexually explicit content and is intended for adult readers. It may contain content that is disagreeable or distressing to some readers. The M/M Romance Group strongly recommends that each reader review the General Information section before each story for story tags as well as for content warnings.

290 pages, ebook

First published September 12, 2015

3 people are currently reading
155 people want to read

About the author

Regina St. Claire

1 book11 followers
I'm a queer freelance author, specializing in fantasy and science fiction. Originally from the wild west of North Dakota, I now reside in the significantly more civilized area of central Minnesota. My hobbies include reading far too many books, tabletop gaming, nature walks, baking cookies, and waking up my two cats when they’re sleeping, because vengeance is sweet.

I'm the quiet one at my day-job. I'm the loud one with my friends. I have glasses and ridiculously long hair. I enjoy sarcasm, bad puns, and lazy naps in the afternoon.

I'm not the best at getting out there in the social networks, but please feel free to check me out Facebook or Tumblr.

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5 stars
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
Profile Image for Meep.
2,170 reviews229 followers
September 22, 2015
Full stars for imagination and oh boy the word-count, this is a long fic.

It a quirky, weird story; a mash of sci-fi, ginger-bread houses, mad-scientists mwahbwahha, tentacles, dimensions, music, magic and demons - to be honest I found it all a bit too much. It started off interesting leaping progressively more into crazy land, leaving me reeling. You have to be in the frame of mind to just go along with where it leads you. Took me while to figure out it wasn't futuristic and by the end I'd given up on the science/technology/magic/music head-fuck. Whatever genre this is, if it's yours you'll love it.

Puns come at you fast and frequent, if it's your humour you'll be diverted, but while there were things in the book that amused me there was a lot that skipped me by. I'm not a fan of pop-culture name-dropping and every chapter had at least one, probably half of which I recognised.

It's ably written, setting an unrelenting hectic pace. The main character has appeal but though he gets his barbarian in the end it didn't feel like a romance with everything else that was going on. I was struggling a bit by the end.

I feel I should rate higher; interesting characters, original world, unpredictable - I'd definitely rec people give it a go. But on the other hand I found it overwhelming, there was a lot going on sometimes too much to wrap your head around and I'd rather have watched than read the action scenes.
Profile Image for ttg.
451 reviews162 followers
August 5, 2016
This was GREAT.

Full disclosure: I submitted the prompt for this story in spring 2015, and the novel came out last summer as part of the Don't Read in the Closet event.

Even though it was my prompt, I didn't have the head space last summer to read it, so I waited, and this last month finally jumped in, and man, I was in the right space because I LOVED IT.

It's sci-fi-future-magic-dimensions-monsters-bounty-hunters-fighting-evil-with-Magical-Girls-and-Mad-Scientists-and-Awesome-Tentacle-Monster-Colleagues-and...And some m/m romance. It was EVERYTHING. And amazing.

It sounds kitchen sink (and is), but it's done with a go-for-broke style and humor that I loved. Style-wise, it reminded me of a sci-fi version of the film Grosse Point Blank, or some of the off-the-wall YA books by Daniel Pinkwater like The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death. I'm not a big Terry Pratchett reader, having only read Mort and Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, but I felt some similar vibe there too. Basically, you may like this if you like a) sci-fi b) humor and are cool with off the wall directions.

There's almost too many things to list what I loved, but I'll say my top are:

1- The main couple--I appreciated their slow pull, and the begrudging way Nunzio is worn down.

2- KWIIF. She was AMAZING and now my favorite character with tentacles.

3- Badass lady characters who had purpose and their own lives.

I'm also stunned if this is the author's first book. I mean, it's a novel at 100k words, which is pretty awesome for being free, but it was a refreshingly good read, and probably one of my faves for the year now.

As a side-note, I also dug how the prompt was threaded throughout the entire book. That was neat!!

Anyways, my gush fest is over. I thought this book was awesome. If off-the-wall humor and sci-fi aren't your cup of tea though, it may not be up your alley.

Download the whole book at: http://www.mmromancegroup.com/splinte...)

I look forward to whatever the author does next! :D
Profile Image for Linda ~ they got the mustard out! ~.
1,894 reviews139 followers
December 5, 2021
This is the last DRitC book I've had in archive and it was a winner. Quirky and offbeat, this Human out of water story brings the reader to a rip in interdimensional space called Splinterpoint. Nunzio's trying to get back to Earth, but in the meantime, he has to earn a living. So he signed up with the Mercenaries Guild to bring in bounties. When a bounty goes sideways, Murphy's Law kicks into high gear.

Then there's Kol'daar, who is also Human but from a different dimension than ours, who just arrived at Splinterpoint and trying to figure out this strange new planet and life. Throw in some magic curses, an yearly job evaluation, mad scientists (Mwahaha) and some ne'er-do-well types and this was just a fun, zany ride from beginning to end that still managed to be touching at the right points. I didn't spot a single plot hole, and other than a random missing/extra article here and there, there weren't too many typos to speak of.

The fact this is free and the author's only story is criminal.
Profile Image for WhatAStrangeDuck.
478 reviews33 followers
September 14, 2015
What a lovely surprise from this year's "Don't Read in the Closet" Event!

I thought it was hilarious but be warned - you have to be able to tolerate a high amount of absurdity and silliness. I think it's a good recommendation for fans of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. Oh, and loving things like Buffy and/or a general appreciation of pop culture jokes might be required as well. Humour is a tricky business but let's just say I snickered a lot and had a few genuine laugh-out-loud moments. But then again, I'm a sucker for bad puns.

There were some passages in the middle when the Solving of the Great Mystery got a little wordy and I wanted to shout the Splinterpoignant Tolerance Aphorism ("Shut up, no one cares!") so it's not a five star rating but it got pretty close.

For those who care: There is a lot of UST and I thought that this might be one of the books where I'd rather have the sex fade to black but it didn't and was surprisingly funny and tender at the same time. And you’ll have to read the whole book to get to it ;-p

It's also novel length and FREE, so go get it.
Profile Image for M'rella.
1,460 reviews174 followers
April 2, 2018
The sheer amount of cultural references is mind-boggling! Praetor Judy and Ozzy mentionings are especially precious to me :D And I kept comparing Kol'daar to Cass (no mention of Supernatural, darn it!) - a bad-ass when he wants to be, but cute and adorable and kind and sometimes clueless.

Anyway, the story was heading for full 11 stars when things started going south around the last 20%, or after the Final Battle to be precise (during its final half-hour, to be even more precise). That's when the author quit crazy and spontaneous, turned on a drone and started explaining and over-explaining.

The most important mystery in the book: The burrito incident. Someone specifically targeted Nunzio. was never revealed.

In the end - 4.5 stars.
Profile Image for ⚣Michaelle⚣.
3,662 reviews233 followers
September 27, 2019
4.5 Stars

I know I haven't even really scratched the surface when it comes to reading all the past DRitC event stories, but I still have to say how often I find myself pleasantly surprised by the quality of the submissions. I can't believe this book was free!

It was so good. Fun, funny, witty, introspective, observant...I didn't even mind having to wait almost the entire book before we get any sexy times - with the UST and the non-stop adventure, I really didn't even notice 'til it happened that it hadn't already happened. (That made sense in my head.)

Anyway, if you liked The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy then I think you might like this one, too. It's reminiscent, but different as well. I mean, in some ways Nunzio is very Arthur Dent-ish: He's the lone human (from his reality) in this weird intersectional dimension, surrounded by aliens and other beings, just trying to survive. He's accidentally stumbled on some magic, has some awesome gadgets (but no towel), and makes his way as a bounty hunter, clinging to his version of humanity by doing his job without taking any lives. (The other bounty hunters aren't so scrupulous.)

What sets him apart though, is that Nunzio hasn't given up trying to get home (his Earth wasn't bulldozed) and invests all he can into funding a mad-scientist's endeavors to create a portal/door/wormhole/? that will get him there. (Yes, there's a Sliders reference, natch.) Of course, by the end he's kind of figured out what home really means and it's not so much a place as it is a feeling...and though he misses his family (but not having to pay on his massive student loans) he gets some of that from a rag-tag group of misfits who call him "friend." (One of whom is a smart-mouth, ass-kicking, asexual tentacle monster, with appendages that look very much like penises, who is very offended by how often their kind is portrayed in pornography. I love this 'verse.)

Splinterpoint is so very weird, and I loved how different it was - deliberately so, from the inhabitants to the architecture. But, since Splinterpoint is a dimension that intersects the multiverse, there are enough similarities that even a human can figure out how to live there. Everyone belongs to a guild (and every occupation/pastime has a guild) and while there are no laws per se, there is a code that all the residents much live and abide by. And that makes for some interesting experiences!

SO MANY pop-culture references and I am proud to say I think I got most of them, and quite a few were LOL moments because they were totally appropos. Two of my favorites:
It wasn't so much of a stretch of the imagination to see how that kind of potent manipulation [of emotion, by Kol'daar playing his harp-thing] could be misused. One song to incite war for more gold, glory and grog, another to keep people complacent, another to make them distrust outsiders...

Actually, that sounded like Fox News. Magic Fox News, with a good beat that you could dance to.
And...
Nunzio couldn't describe how awful that sound was. [Big Bad's magic attempt to open a hellmouth.] It was worse than nails on a chalkboard, worse than a chicken bone in the garbage disposal, worse than a record needle shredding a vinyl pressing of the ambient screams from the seventh circle of Hell. Worse than a Nickelback single. It was bad.


OMG, each is definitely worse than the last. *dies*

I could quote more, but it would end up being half the book...so just read it and LOL.

If RSC ever decided to write another adventure with Nunzio & Kol’daar (and their friends), you can bet your ass I'd read it, too!
Profile Image for Kira.
320 reviews19 followers
January 2, 2016
Take the world resembling Robert Asprin's Myth Adventures books, especially Bazaar on Deva, channeling the general feel of that series. It even shares the same character name - Asprin's side character is the only other Nunzio I can come up with on the spot. Add some honest-to-God Sailor Moon (no, I'm not kidding) and a bunch of new looks on old tropes and arguments. Spice up with a healthy dose of hilarity and a pinch of touching moments. And then put two great, cute in their own right, main characters right in the middle of it all.
Then sit back and enjoy.

This is a book where author's own excitement just seeps from the pages, infecting you. The last time when I had so much fun was from reading Ready Player One - another book where you can't help but share in author's enjoyment, if not his interests.

So don't be afraid of the page count, this book is overflowing with comfy goodness.
Profile Image for Jeanne 'Divinae'.
994 reviews17 followers
September 24, 2015
I found this story very confusing and hard to follow. Perhaps because it was set in a futristic world where others could jump dimensions. A crossroads city where people jump to is called Splinterpoint.

Nunzio is a human from Earth(I think it’s suppose to be our version) and after the “Burrito” incident isn’t able to use magic, thus unable to get home. His whole goal in life is to get back to his ‘home’ world. But being anti magic(he literally breaks things that are magic), he has caused some problems. As a very good bounty hunter, his group is willing to pay for the costs of his damages as long as he keeps up the count.

That is until he one day he misses his catch. Close yet so far away. And it wasn’t just any day, but a very important day.

Kol’daar was just trying to help out the sexy bounty hunter by knocking out the mark. Unbeknownst to him, you can’t help a bounty hunter during his eval. Thus he was able to land a much better job and make a name for himself. In fact, he thrives at being a bounty hunter and rolls right up there in rank quickly. He quite enjoys it. Though he is sadden because he unknowingly takes Nunzio’s job from him.

Now Nunzio has no money and no job. Even though his superior has told him she’d try to get him a new eval sooner than later, he isn’t keeping his fingers crossed. Then their lives are thrown together and to makes matters worse(or better) they have to save the world.

The world seemed interesting enough, but it was simply to hard to follow and understand. Especially with the dimension jumping.
Profile Image for Kevin.
2,662 reviews37 followers
October 9, 2015
Finally! Those sweet words: "The End."
The author was so in love with her creation that she explained to death every single little detail about the world, its magic, and its inhabitants. The plot was convoluted, full of amazing coincidences and miraculous recoveries. Each time one obstacle was overcome something else would pop up. The snide and ridiculous tone was reminiscent of Simon R. Green, and the pacing reminded me of Jim Butcher.
Oh, and stuck in there in the last few pages was a tiny bit of romance in the 600 page tome (or at least it felt that long to me).
That's not to say I didn't enjoy the story.
Profile Image for Free_dreamer.
365 reviews29 followers
September 21, 2015
This was too over-the-top no-holds-bared crazy for me. We get aliens, magic, incredibly futuristic technology, mad scientists and insane villains. Too much of a good thing is still too much. Less craziness and more plot would have been nice. Though I have to say it's very impressive that the author managed to come up with this amount of craziness in such a short time.
Profile Image for Erica.
1,691 reviews37 followers
September 27, 2019
This. Was. Awesome! Intricately plotted, witty, and fun. Sure, it's a little silly sometimes, and it was frustrating, the sheer amount of bad luck poor Nunzio had to deal with, but once I really got started I couldn't put it down. A truly inventive storytelling success.

And when Nunzio thought "hungry, hungry Hymnal" I laughed so suddenly and so loud I scared the dog.
Profile Image for Sucajo.
739 reviews64 followers
October 16, 2018
It is amazing how many truly excellent books have come out of the MMRG's story prompt events and here's another one. I am not a big reader of sci-fi so when I saw this on the list and it was free I thought I would give it a go. I'm so glad I did! I loved Nunzio - a great mix of sarcasm and snark - and was often as bewildered (in a good way) as he was by the bizarre situations he found himself in and the weird and wonderful characters he met on the way. I loved the concept of "The Burrito Incident" and I was a little bit disappointed that the reason it happened was never properly explained but I can accept that it was just one more inexplicable thing that happened to Nunzio in a string of fantastic events! An excellent story; I loved every moment of it.
Profile Image for Alison.
894 reviews32 followers
January 28, 2024
Over-the-top zaniness! I'm bummed I didn't love this because it's the sort of thing I generally do love. It's a wild ride and totally bonkers. For whatever reason, I didn't connect with it and it took me ages to read. I nonetheless very much appreciate its weirdness and humor and kitchen-sink plot. It was still very entertaining and also free.
Profile Image for Gabis Laberladen.
1,240 reviews
January 30, 2017
Darum geht’s:

Erdenmensch Nunzio Arquette hat es vor einiger Zeit auf den fremden Planete Splinterpoint verschlagen und langsam fängt er an, sich in dieser skurrilen Welt zurecht zu finden. Doch sein aktueller Auftrag für die Söldner-Gilde geht schief, er verliert vorübergehend seine Zulassung, verursacht großen finanziellen Schaden, für den er selbst aufkommen muss und muss auch noch zusehen, wie ein gutaussehender Verkäufer ihm seinen Job und seine Belohnung wegnimmt. Kann es für ihn schlimmer kommen? Ja, kann es.

So fand ich’s:

Splinterpoint ist eine überaus interessante Welt, in der sich verschiedenste Dimensionen überschneiden und vermischen und entsprechend variabel sind die Naturgesetze, so vielseitig sind die Bewohner und so viel Spaß macht es, eine Abenteuergeschichte aus dieser Welt zu lesen. Obwohl die Autorin sehr viel Mühe darauf verwandt hat, diese Welt zu erschaffen, kommt alles leicht und spielerisch mit einer guten Prise Humor rüber. Die Personen, die eine Rolle spielen, haben ebenso ungewöhnliche Fähigkeiten, benutzen Magie oder im Falle von Protagonist Nunzio zerstören sie sie, und sind für den Leser genauso fremd wie für die anderen Mitstreiter. Sie raufen sich zusammen, als es gilt, das Ende der Welt zu verhindern.

Hier wird über fast 300 Seiten ein beständiges Feuerwerk der Skurrilitäten gezündet, das einen kaum zu Atem kommen lässt. Die Autorin schöpft aus einem gigantischen Fundus schräger Fantasie, der genau mein Humorzentrum getroffen hat.

Vielleicht war das manchmal einen Hauch zu ausführlich und die Gags liefen ab und zu wegen der Vielzahl einfach an einem vorbei. Weswegen ich kein Favoritensternchen vergeben habe liegt aber mehr daran, dass mir hier viel zu wenig Liebe, Sex und Romanze vorhanden war. Bis kurz vor dem Schluss wäre das Buch als astreine Sci-Fi/Fantasy a la Terry Pratchett oder Douglas Adams durchgegangen und dass am Ende doch sowas wie ein Happy End (wenn auch unter großen „technischen“ Schwierigkeiten) zu finden war, hat mir persönlich nicht gereicht. Nunzio und der sanfte Barbaren-Krieger Kol’daar, dessen wichtigste Waffen Freundlichkeit und Musik sind, harmonierten wunderbar miteinander, aber das hätten sie genauso gut als Freunde und Kampfgefährten getan.

Wer also den Schwerpunkt nicht unbedingt auf die Romanze legt, sondern wunderbar erzählte skurrile und witzige Fantasy mit tollen Charakteren sucht, dem lege ich „Splinterpoint“ wärmstens ans Herz.
Profile Image for Antonella.
1,536 reviews
December 10, 2017
3.5
I loved this very long, original story, but I can imagine that if this is not your kind of humour, you might hate it or find it too over the top. The romance is well hidden there ;-) and there is basically only one sex scene, which is great. See also ttg's review.

Get it for free here and judge for yourself.






Profile Image for alackofdignity.
25 reviews2 followers
October 2, 2015
I'm terrible at reviews but I loved this so much I feel like saying something: Wow - I read this book in one sitting. Absolutely amazing world/species building and what a wacky ride. I kept thinking, as I was reading, how awesome this book would be as a movie or TV show.

I hope this new-to-me author keeps on writing (in the m/m genre or mainstream fantasy/scifi) :)
Profile Image for Donna.
288 reviews25 followers
February 27, 2016
I really loved this story! All the characters were great and I loved the ending. The world building was really good and there was lots of humor.
Profile Image for A.L..
Author 6 books59 followers
October 12, 2015
I got to beta read this and totally loved it from the start. This is one to save on the Kindle and read over and over.
Profile Image for Moon.
485 reviews
January 28, 2019
Well, that was a wild ride.

And I loved every second of it While I don't normally read sci-fi this story came recommended to me. Splinterpoint took me by surprise. It had everything. Literally. From aliens to creepy clone girls who were actually a trio of demons. The story centers around Earth-born Nunzio Arquette. A man who, despite everything, has a soft heart. So soft in fact that he keeps others at a distance. Enter magic-wielding barbarian Kol’daar. Kol'daar isn't just your average muscle head barbarian. He is quite keen and observant, friendly to a fault, and sweet on Nunzio. But Nunzio has been hurt deeply in the past and just wants to go home. Yet against all odds, the two are paired up together to save the day.

This was such a great read. Although a little silly at times the characters and the world building and that ending were just fantastic!
The writing was fluid and the storyline (although crazy!) was well constructed and kept me on the edge of my seat! 4.50 read Took off half a star as I am still a little confused over the burrito incident... But other than that I hope to read more adventures about Nunzio and his barbarian.
Profile Image for Jenn (not Lily).
4,795 reviews27 followers
October 18, 2020
4.25 points for insanity!
Until reaching the 30% point, there were a few slow "is this worth it?" moments, but once I got to the Mercenaries' Guild and met Maggie and Seraphina in the Lollipop Lounge, there was no going back. This is full of obscure geek references of all sorts, along with bad puns and extreme silliness just short of a Maxwell Smart level. The names, the Guilds, the sheer OTT of all of Splinterpoint works in this story's favor, and I ended up laughing through most of it. When I wasn't tearing up just a smidge for Nunzio's overall situation. Or fanning myself at the UST between Nunzio and Kol'daar. Hoo boy. The scene where they finally acted out the picture that inspired the story? Hot hot hottie hot hot! The entire Epilogue was mighty tasty, and definitely worth the time spent reading!
Profile Image for pauliree.
717 reviews31 followers
May 13, 2018
This was so much FUN! Splinterpoint is a fantastic mish-mash of science and technology, religion and barbarism, all squashed together at the convergence of hundreds of realities and universes. Our hero Nunzio has been stranded here for a year, having accidentally hitched a ride here after tackling a Twink in the middle of a Jewellery heist. His source of income is threatened by the appearance of a hunky barbarian with perfect abs and the only way to survive is to save the universe! Love, love, loved this. Lots of ust but good reasons behind not doing the deed, my fav kind. This book hit all my catnip buttons.
Profile Image for Kaa.
614 reviews66 followers
July 22, 2017
Fast-paced, imaginative, and totally ridiculous. I enjoyed the non-stop pace of the plot, although there were a few things left frustratingly unexplained. Overall the humor was good, but some of the cultural references went over my head and from time to time some of it just rubbed me the wrong way. In my opinion, it takes a lot of skill for an author to use comedy to comment on real-world issues of oppression, and the attempts here didn't always succeed for me. For instance, I didn't appreciate the exchanges about racism against alien species when there were so few human people of color and pretty much all of them had really stereotyped roles.
Profile Image for Rissa.
2,251 reviews3 followers
May 19, 2017
Oh my wow!

That was amazing!

I love the world building! I actually want more!

Nunzio and Kol'daar! Wonderful! <3

I couldn't stop reading! :)
Profile Image for TS.
519 reviews15 followers
December 4, 2017
I liked the universe and the characters, however this book was a tad bit too long for my taste.
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