いたいのいたいの、とんでゆけ

by Sugaru Miaki, 三秋縋

「私、死んじゃいました。どうしてくれるんですか？」　何もかもに見捨てられて一人きりになった二十二歳の秋、僕は殺人犯になってしまった――はずだった。　僕に殺された少女は、死の瞬間を“先送り”することによって十日間の猶予を得た。彼女はその貴重な十日間を、自分の人生を台無しにした連中への復讐に捧げる決意をする。　「当然あなたにも手伝ってもらいますよ、人殺しさん」　復讐を重ねていく中で、僕たちは知らず知らずのうちに、二人の出会いの裏に隠された真実に近付いていく。それは哀しくも温かい日々の記憶。そしてあの日の「さよなら」。

Genres: Light Novel, Japanese Literature, Fiction, Manga, Fantasy, Romance, Novels

370 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2014

About the author

Sugaru Miaki (三秋縋) is a Japanese writer. He was born in 1990 in Iwate Prefecture. He debuted in 2013 with Starting Over. He is also the author of Three Days of Happiness, Parasites in Love, and Your Story.

In March 2019, Your Story was nominated for the 40th Eiji Yoshikawa Literary Newcomer Award.

See 三秋縋

Reviews

[andi · Rating 4 out of 5]

You see someone that you know, and they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.

[hiba · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is such an odd, bleak little story - hard to read but also hard to look away from. The way all these horrific events from both the past and the present slowly converge upon each other towards an inevitably disastrous end is so fascinating to see. The characters are both repulsive and compelling, frustrating and sympathetic - it's honestly hard to explain the number of emotions I experienced while being in Mizuho's head. I just feel absolutely wrung out after reading this.

CWs: graphic violence, gore, murder, domestic abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, bullying, suicide ideation

[mesal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, this story won't be leaving my mind for a while.

The basic plot is very unique: a girl with the power to "postpone" bad events that happen to her gets run over by our drunkenly driving main character Mizuho and quickly postpones her own death. Calling Mizuho a murderer for technically killing her - as she can only postpone her death for so long - she insists he compensate for his crime by helping her spend her last few days alive by seeking revenge on all the people that had ever hurt her.

Mizuho, in his desire to make amends, agrees, and thus begins a series of very graphic murders.

I am in pain. The plot had a few features which could be guessed at by the reader, but there were several others that took me by complete surprise and made for a very... interesting last couple of chapters. I don't often read authors' afterwords, but I accidentally found myself reading this one, and. Well. It punched me in the gut and left me in one of those many holes the author referenced in that final note.

Pain.

[Khadidja · Rating 4 out of 5]

If pain paingo away then why pain pain still here

[Jae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything about this book is perfection. Its haunting, its ghastly, it horrifying and its tragic. I’m exhausted after reading this, its so emotionally draining. Chapter 7 and 9 did so so much i dont know how to put how much i love this book to words.

Worldbuilding, magic system, all of it was well explained and sprinkled throughout the story. The plot was so fucking unique and i dont think anyone has been able to call out the plot twist, its fuckkkkk. The intellectual input is illegal if you ask me because its so relatable and fuckk. I screamed and screamed and cried with this book. And the characters, they fucked me up so bad so so bad.

DO NOT PICK IT UP WITHOUT CHECKING TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Some tw// domestic abuse, murder, suicidal thoughts, gore, serial killers, blood, depression, death, child abuse, spouse abuse, manipulation, blackmail.

[Cheyenne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a good amount of books by author Sugaru Miaki, but this I believe is her best or at least one of her best novels. This book uses such vivid imagery of such painfully gory and intensely horrible scenes that you sink in to the book and the characters lives. Miaki uses the strong subjects of abuse and depression so well WITHOUT romanticizing it, as other writers do which I find incredibly toxic and unrealistic. There was an extravagant and gruesome codependent relationship since the beginning with the two main characters, and that's what made this story so beautiful. Although many of the things in the book are hard to stomach such as the gory scenes of abuse and murder, the fact that you can imagine it so well while reading it makes the book worth it. The ending is also realistic(for the book), and while it made me upset (yes, I cried), I appreciated the realistic outcomes in this book. Overall this book will make you go through a whirlwind of many emotions, make you appreciate life a lot more, and even see the people you never talked to differently. With this book becomes a bitter taste of life and self awareness as well as becoming more aware of life around you. A Sugaru Miaki MUST READ.

[tessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

the more i think about it, the sadder it gets. i love them with all my heart.

[aylin · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 / 5
for some reason i couldn‘t seem to get invested in the characters, like even a few parts that are objectively good barely made me feel anything. the overall idea is amazing i just didn‘t like the execution much

[jut · Rating 4 out of 5]

if you want to read something unique, give it a try! it was spooky, horrendous, magnificent, extremely sensible!

[Samuel Faraday · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Pain Pain, go away’ is like its main character. Just like smoking a cigarette, and reading the book, the life he lived was fun and rushed, painful to him, he coughed and wheezed, but the bright flames kept it up until the end. Burning youth till there was no more—until he sparked another, that is.

The book felt trippy, dark, and unrealistic at times, and I think the author described it best when he compared it to ‘Living within a deep and dark hole with a smile on your face’.’ Any other description, I’m afraid, will not do it justice.

The writing is amazing. The introspections are—although I hardly agree with most of it—also top notch. It’s a very much character driven story, and the characters are great enough to accompany it. It’s a story with a lot of passion and thought put into the theme and the ending was masterfully done.

4/5 — A star removed by the unrealistic school life of the main female lead. Though, it’s not impossible to occur in real life, reading it makes you more detached from her troubles than invested. It feels like he created something so awful that your mind can only wonder if it’s possible.

[pearl · Rating 4 out of 5]

i have been in physical pain for half an hour

[Nix · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. If I were to describe the book in one sentence it would be: "A heart clenching beauty." It seeps into the cracks and holes in your heart. Don't worry about the how the setting of the story sounds like, just read it. It makes you feel.

Here is an afterword by the author which just made me appreciate the book more and really explains the whole theme of the book:

"There are a lot of holes to fall into around here. That was the way I, at least, came to see the world.Small holes, big holes, shallow holes, deep holes, easily-seen holes, hard-to-see holes, holes no one had yet fallen in, holes many had fallen in. Truly, a wide variety. Thinking about each and every one of them made me too uneasy to take a single step...I want to hear the story of the person who, in a dark, deep, narrow, cold hole, can smile without it being a bluff. To me, there might not be anything more consoling than that."

[bri ♡ · Rating 3 out of 5]

the main fault to this book was the twist. if it had not been so obvious I probably would've given this a higher rating but because I saw it coming from the start, it lessened my feelings but i still enjoyed this read. I liked the two main characters and I really felt for them (unfortunately no tears though), their relationship was interesting and the writing was easy enough to fly though. so I recommend checking this out.

cw/tw: graphic violence, gore, murder, domestic abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, bullying, suicide ideation

[Afroza Mahazabin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This shattered me.. I'll need several business days to collect my thoughts to produce coherent sentences regarding this book.. Yes possibility of that is very low..so there's that.

[gio · Rating 3 out of 5]

sigh *rereads*

[Eva]

TW for domestic abuse, suicide mention, bullying, physical abuse, sexual abuse implications and gore.

4th Reread. I am losing my mind

Edit: This is now my seventh reread. While it may not be the greatest work of literature ever, it still had an impact on me. The ending always makes me feel happy knowing how after all the troubles the characters have faced, they atleast get a happy sendoff.

[Govind · Rating 5 out of 5]

Magnificent read, words cannot explain how beautifully tragic the story is, especially the final chapter which is heart wrenching. It's an emotional masterpiece. One of my top 5 favorite books of all time if not the favorite.

[lucía · Rating 4 out of 5]

yeah i cried 🙄 whatever

[lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

i don't think the pain will ever go away :(

[Raya · Rating 4 out of 5]

What do you mean pain, pain go away? It's more like pure pain injected through words.

[ange · Rating 5 out of 5]

kinda changed the trajectory of my life. still not over them

[ana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not doing okay.. 😭😭😭😭

“I gently stroked her head, then pushed out those words.
Pain, pain, go away.”

[zah · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.25/5 stars*

in all actuality, this is just because it WASN'T enough and i'm being a little petty today

uGH i idk why but i dig this book SO MUCH super duper short with only 10 chapters, but it gripped me from the beginning and honestly, which it was a lot longer and was a legit full-fledged novel.

a few points i've made, may or may not contain spoilers :
1. mizuho is so unhinged and insane, what a man
2. the prose is so simple , in a first person pronoun yet hauntingly beautiful
3. every phase of the story is powerful and has impact to me
4. you might think it is what it is, but IT'S NOT (the killing spree theme in the chapters aren't the centre of what makes this book great, y'all)
5. oh man i- wow i was blown away
6. beware of TWs because let me tell you, it was a lot to take in. this author can really hurt you inside by how descriptive and detailed the character's POVs in dialogues or especially monologues are.
7. the focus is in the prose of characters, connection through dialogues, and to clarify, the supernatural or imagery parts aren't necessary to analyze rather it's the atmosphere and plot device which are important in this story (or in this case, a whole spectrum of stories with similar concept or takes)

[Annemarie · Rating 4 out of 5]

reread 11-25-2022: 4 stars
This is a really weird book. It's way more gory than I remembered. I absolutely loved this book when I first read it 4 years ago, but I didn't love it as much now. I still do appreciate the character growth and the ending of this book is still really strong, but the beginning is rather slow and SO violent. I enjoyed the writing style a lot, though, and the ending was exciting. There were also a lot of hints throughout the earlier story leading up to the reveal which I didn't notice at first, but made a lot of sense re-reading, which was fun.

Original Review: 5 stars
I find it hard to describe this book. It's a fantasy novel written so very realistically. The characters are nothing like me, yet I feel so similar? I'm really not sure how to talk about this book other than to say I absolutely loved it.

[Johanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Ardy for telling me about this book!! It was very dark, but also intriguing up to the last page. This short novel definitely came with the same genre as Kimi No Nawa, but darker (and gory too). Up to chapter 8, it felt like I was reading some kind of a fan-written fiction, could be because I was reading the translated version but when Chapter 9 came my mind was blown away. The twist I was expecting was even bigger. I disagree with the writer's point of justifying killing because it can be "undone" and the power to postpone some things that people should just face. This book made me think a lot about (again) life's purposes, how I live my life, and the "hole" that I supposed everyone feels at some point in their life.

A great and thought-provoking book overall.

[fang · Rating 5 out of 5]

anyone who knows me knows that this is my favorite book of possibly all time. i won’t review it too in depth because i believe it’s best read all in one go with no idea what you’re getting into. if you come across this and you’re debating it just do it but prepare to turned inside out and left raw … and possibly haunted by the memory of it but i would have it no other way. this book left me raw exposed and bloody it saw me and i saw everyone in it and for that i feel changed.

trigger warnings for gore, suicidal ideation , murder , and all varying forms of abuse

if you struggle finding the book feel free to reach out i’ll help you out

[Will Matthew · Rating 4 out of 5]

the book touches on slightly controversial topics like abuse and murder yet it was written without the need to romanticize any of it; it was written correctly.

It also a refreshing take on speculative fiction/time travel(?) with our girl’s postponement power.

”I thought, I want to hear the story of the person who, in a dark, deep, narrow, cold hole, can smile without it being a bluff. To me, there might not be anything more consoling than that.”

- Sugaru Miaki on the Afterword of Pain, Pain, Go Away

[jay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating. 4.75
Mood. Dark, Mysterious, Reflective
Pace. Slow
Writing. Easy to read, not flowery.

WARNINGS: Violence (a lot), Blood, Mentions of animal cruelty/animal death, Murder, Death, Fire/Fire injury, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Bullying

Reading this felt like riding a ferris wheel. You feel the descent, you feel the ground forcing you downward. But you can't help but turn to the sky.

[Hope · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Pain, pain, go away."

The 3rd novel by Sugaru Miaki (and his first novel original story) is a mature read. He doesn't stray from dark themes but also tells them delicately without excessive brutality or even a hint of romantization. The climax is vague but satisfying.

His strong points shine here, and I might go as far as to consider it his best work and one of my favorites.

[mara · Rating 4 out of 5]

peak hurt, no comfort. it's both disturbing and depressing, but i felt, after reading the book and the author's afterword, oddly comforted, like someone enveloped me in a warm and tight embrace that almost hurts