The State of Me

by Nasim Marie Jafry

A beautifully written debut novel by an exciting author.

Curriculum Vitae

Name: Helen Fleet

Work Experience: Waitress; Serial volunteer

Education: Four Highers: French (A), English (A), Maths (A), Chemistry (A), 1981; Ordinary Arts degree, MA, 1990; Certificate in Counselling Skills and Theory, 1992

Travel: France, Madeira, San Francisco, Rome, Greece. And London.

Relationships: Sex with three men: Hadi, Ivan and Fabio. I still love Ivan.

Additional Information: I have a mini hi-fi and a pine bookcase, and an expensive leather briefcase (got it in the January sales after Fabio and I had finished) and a suit I haven't worn since my graduation.

It's 1983 and 20-year-old university student Helen Fleet should be enjoying the best days of her life, but while all her friends go on to graduate and have careers in London, she is forced to return to her parents' home, bedridden with vile symptoms that doctors can't explain and often don't believe. She is eventually diagnosed with M.E., a cruel illness that she must learn to live with over the next decade. All of her relationships are tested – and changed – by her condition, but Helen's story is so much more than an account of her suffering. At times sad and at times funny, the author skillfully leads the reader through the trials and tribulations of Helen's life, perfectly capturing her unusual experiences as a twenty-something woman living in 80s Scotland with a mystery illness.

Based on the author's own experience of ME The State of Me explores the loneliness and chaos of one of the most misunderstood illnesses of our time, but also celebrates the importance of family, friendships, and sexual love.

A stunning, eloquent and linguistically perfect debut novel.

Genres: Fiction, Disability, Health, Mental Health, Contemporary, Scotland

512 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2008

About the author

Nasim Marie Jafry was born in the west of Scotland to a Scottish mother and Pakistani father. She has an MA and MSc from Glasgow University but her studies were severely disrupted when she became ill with ME in the 1980s. She remains ill today - the illness has had a devastating impact on her life. Her autobiographical novel 'The State of Me' was published by The Friday Project, an imprint of HarperCollins, in 2008. She has had occasional short stories in Scottish literary magazines, and has been shortlisted for the Asham Award (2001), the RLS Award (2005), the Bridport Short Story Prize (2011) and the Bridport Flash Fiction Prize (2012). She appeared in a BBC Alba documentary in 2012 in which she discussed her novel and her illness, and in 2013 she read at ‘Dissecting Edinburgh’, a Medicine and Literature event at Surgeons’ Hall in Edinburgh. In 2014, she had a short story in The Scotsman, and flash fiction in The Istanbul Review. She was longlisted for the Bath Flash Fiction Award 2016 and her piece appeared in the 2017 anthology To Carry Her Home. She contributed to artist and writer Nancy Campbell’s Polar Tombola: A Book of Banished Words (Bird Editions, 2017).

Reviews

[Jamieson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The State of Me by Nasim Marie Jafry is one of the most emotionally charged, incredible novels I will ever read.

The State of Me is the story of Helen Fleet. In 1983, she begins to develop symptoms that no doctor can explain. Some thing it’s food poisoning, some think its stress or fatigue. Helen knows that something is wrong within her but no one believes her.

Bedridden, she gets worse and worse, still trying to fight what is wrong with her body. Eventually, after many months, she is diagnosed with M.E., a disease that she must live with like a strange bedfellow for approximately the next fifteen years.

Her illness affects not only Helen but the relationships with her friends, her family, her boyfriend who has been growing more and more distant. Helen feels as if she is losing herself. And then she decides to fight back and live her life the best way she can.

Instead of being a depressing, tear filled novel, The State of Me is really about self discovery, about the power friendship, the healing powers of love. It is a beautiful story of one woman’s plight to understand herself, to come to terms with what has happened to her and to live her the best way she knows how.

It is a novel of strength and of courage. Nasim Marie Jafry, who has M.E., should be commended for writing such a powerful, moving book about something that is so near and close to her.

It opened my eyes and let me see inside of a disability I knew nothing about. If you read only a handful of books a year, make sure that one of them is this one.

[Elle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been meaning to read this book for such a long time, and now I find it quite difficult to review!

It was definitely a tough read, because I am struggling with the same disease as Helen, the main character, and Nasim Marie Jafry, the author of the book.

Although very painful to read, the book shows in a real and (sometimes brutally) honest way what living with this disease can be like. While her friends, peers and boyfriend get on with their personal lives and careers, Helen has to drop out of uni after she falls ill with the "mystery illness" that turns out to be M.E. Instead of getting sympathy and support because of the many obstacles that are thrown her way, her doctors and some of her family and friends add insult to injury by doubting if she's really (that) ill and patronizing her with careless suggestions on "how it could be easy to get better if only she tried x/y/z". Story of my life!

Her doctor assures her that ME would "burn itself out after 5 years" but those who suffer from it know that it usually doesn't, and that many stay ill for the rest of their lives. (The author, although improved, still struggles with ME to this day.)

So this is not a feel-good book, and it shouldn't be. Helen is by far not one of the more severe cases as she is able to move about and occasionally even travel, something I can only dream of. But what is harder for her is that she is still "out there" in the real world, which makes the contrast to her healthy friends all the more painful in a way.

I'm taking off half a star because I'm not the greatest fan of a writing style that relies on short sentences so much (that could just be because I couldn't finish a sentence within 5 words for the life of me!) and some parts did bore me a tiny little bit. I suppose that partly stems from the fact that it's not an entirely fictional book, and life is just different from good books in the way that not everything makes sense to us, even in retrospect.

That being said, I enjoyed Helen's (and I suppose Nasim's) ability to notice little things that most other people wouldn't. So all in all I'd give it a warm, recommending 4.5 stars!

[sisterimapoet · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this fell a bit short for me - mostly because it was quite samey throughout - there wasn't a great deal of progression. Perhaps it suffered by being too closely based on the author's own experiences? I feel she is a strong writer, with an interesting story to tell. But perhaps a straight non-fiction telling of her illness would have been stronger?

[Björn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the story, hadn't really heard about ME before so found it quite interesting. super sad but and a real page turner

[Erik Ryman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most beautifully written books I have read in an age. The characters are real and not at all clichéd, and the settings enhance rather than simply provide a backdrop. A large part of the book is given over to details of ME, which the lead character suffers from, but the book is never preachy. I'd recommend this to anybody that enjoys beautiful writing.

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a fellow ME sufferer it is so clear to me that the author has been through it herself. The way she writes could only have been written by someone who had experienced it. She articulates things about my experience that I’ve never even thought to put into words. I’m amazed she managed to turn life with ME into an interesting read as I always feel like my life is so boring. It was a good read but also made me feel very sad at times as it held a mirror to my own troubles.

I do think it’s important for people to know, however, that getting financial support is a lot harder now and involves lengthy forms, gruelling assessments by DWP appointed medical professionals, and often a fight afterwards that can lead to tribunals.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really related to this book as I have ME myself triggered by covid. The author manages to capture so many of the details of chronic illness, from watching everyone move on with their lives whilst being stuck in time, having people disbelieve you or recommending endless 'cures,' and the struggle to do something meaningful whilst so unwell

It's a bit of a tough read if you have ME as it's so close to home, but I'd definitely be recommending to friends, family and anyone else who wanted to find out more about ME and the impact it has

[J.S. Colley · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading the blurb for this book, I expected it to be different, but I say that in a good way. I expected it to be full of accounts of doctors’ visits, of woe-is-me narrative, of medical terms and explanations. While it contains a smattering of some of those things, the main focus is the inner life of a twenty-something girl, living in the 80s in Scotland, who’s striving to become a responsible adult and who also happens to be struggling to cope with a little-known, and little understood, disease called ME, which stands for myalgic encephalomyelitis. I think the title says is all, The State of Me, with lower case e.

This is one of those books that tells a story through the “quiet everyday.” The beauty of it is in the unadorned telling. This is not an action-packed story but rather an unfolding of events. If you look, there’s a lot of meaning packed into simple statements, like this foreboding, and telling, proclamation when the protagonist, Helen Fleet, is skating with friends and is about to experience the first signs of the disease: “I could skate better backwards than forwards. I had more control going backwards.”

What I found interesting is that — even though I have also dealt with an often debilitating, non-visually-apparent disease (my own made-up non-medical phrase!) — I, at times, found myself thinking: try and enjoy yourself, Helen; go to that party; make an effort! So, it’s easy to imagine people who’ve never experienced anything like it being unsympathetic to Helen’s condition. But Jafry does not beat the reader over the head in an effort to convince anyone of the validity of ME. This is not a preachy book. The author doesn’t spend a lot of time bashing the often inept medical profession or the skeptics. And that’s why it works so well. Jafry simply tells her story, often with a touch of humor.

I have to note this: I started reading the book late at night and, about a third of the way into it, I thought the dramatic tension might be getting lost in the simple unfolding of events. I didn’t know if it was because I was tired, or because of my own issues with “brain fog” and fatigue, but I closed the book for the night. When I picked it up again the next day, I found that I was fully engaged in the story again. So, if you find the book slows down a little, keep going, it’s worth it.

I can’t do this review without stating that one of my favorite characters, although he doesn’t have a huge role, is Nab, Helen’s stepfather. I’d love to have someone like that in my life—patient, calm, kind, and understanding. Another thing I enjoyed was Helen’s imaginary conversations with a stranger. I thought this was a really clever way of giving the reader information about the disease without it being boring.

One of the major relationships explored in the book is between Helen and her boyfriend, Ivan, whom she met before contracting the disease. Would the dynamic of their relationship have played out differently if she’d never gotten sick? (Of course it would have, as would have all her relationships.) Did she give Ivan too much leeway? I wonder. (I could talk a lot more about this, but then there would be spoilers!)

There are many other notable characters, like Brian, Helen’s uncle who has Down syndrome. Brian gives another perspective on what it’s like to be disabled, since his condition is outwardly apparent, while Helen’s is not.

The story is set in the UK, and there are some references I didn’t understand, (how nice it is to be able to look words or phrases up on my Kindle Fire!), including references about their health and welfare system, but it didn’t deter me from enjoying the story.

Finally, I loved the way the book ended, which surprised me, to be honest. I can’t tell you why it surprised me, because it would contain spoilers. However, I can tell you the reader is left with a sense of hope.

The State of Me is not just for those who suffer with ME, or a similar illness, but anyone who enjoys a well-written and engaging story. It’s about family, friendship and love, and standing up to what life throws at you.

[Blethering Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

ME is a debilitating illness which often is misunderstood. This novel, based on the authors own experience is a great insight into the bumpy road many ME sufferers have had.

When in France on her year abroad for university Helen starts to become ill to the point she leaves early returning home. After doctors appointment after doctors appointment and no diagnosis and nothing to make her feel better. Eventually receiving a diagnosis of ME she begins different therapies with no avail. Along with this she must deal with the many people and professionals who ‘don’t believe in ME’ and criticize her of being lazy or depressed and needing to just do the therapy and get on with her life. But she continues to explain all she wants is to complete her degree, get a job, and live independently rather than living with her mother and step father, relying on benefits.

This is an informative book showing the true pains ME suffers have to go through along with the misunderstandings they had to fight against from professionals and lay people. It shows the true courage and will power Helen has.

Definitely a book worth reading. In-fact everyone must read this book to increase awareness of the true debilitating nature of ME.

[D.J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Somehow, as I read this painful story about a victim of myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), Nasmin managed to wrap her words around me and whisk me away on a merry dance. Almost against my will I realised that I was enjoying myself. I don't know how Nasim did it but it happened, time and time again, chapter after chapter.

I know of many readers who are forever raving about how dialogue is what makes a book great but for me it is descriptiveness that brings the story alive. The prose in The State of me is wonderfully descriptive.

Nasim paints images with words:

'A man with a staircase of fat from his neck to his groin was eating ice cream at the next table'.

'A woman with an arse like a shelf was wedging herself into the seat in front. She hated me from the start. I accidentally dunted her seat and she turned round and glared with shark eyes'.

'We lay like spoons and he put his arm round me. I could feel him breathing on my neck. It was like agony iced with hundreds and thousands'.

Two pages into the book I thought 'This is perfection on paper'.

I strongly recommend that you make this book one of your must reads for this year.

[H.C. Gray · Rating 4 out of 5]

This funny and insightful book was thoroughly absorbing. Nasim has done a wonderful service to people with ME, by being very open about all aspects of the illness but never self-pitying nor boring! The reader can only cheer her on whilst she snatches what life she can out from under the debilitating illness. All the characters are written well and the writer has a knack for portraying relations deftly but true. It was truly a joy to read, if sometimes a little heartbreaking.

The only reason I haven't given the book 5 stars is that I felt it could have done with editing down a little of some of the inconsequential chatty detail. The author plays with form, which is wonderfully entertaining, but I would have liked to have seen it used more consistently which I think would have made it more affective. For instance the author swapped between first and third person for the first part of the book, but at some point that was just dropped. Perhaps it could have been used to great effect later on, or perhaps that needed to be edited out altogether?

I feel mean writing the above though, because I read this book every chance I got.

[Shelli · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had been so excited to read this book! I was looking forward to hearing the story of CFS told through a dramatic narrative. I was hoping to find characters I could relate to. I was hoping this would be a book I could recommend, to help create awareness of CFS and what it's like to go through it. What I found instead was a trashy book with f-bombs scattered like land mines and a character that was not very appealing and difficult to care about. I read about 10% of this book, hoping it would get better, but I couldn't force myself to read anymore. I wish I had quit after the first few pages.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to read, but a bit slow at times. I'd recommend this book to people who have CFS - or know someone who has CFS - and would like to read about the author's experiences with this illness.

[Amy Mclaughlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

'I haven't always been ill', says Helen Fleet early in Nasim Marie Jafry's excellent novel, The State of Me, and those who, like Helen and the author herself, have fallen into the sinkhole of chronic illness, will recognize the depth and reminiscent poignance of this statement. Helen, a student who is heading off to a happily anticipated year of study in France, is ambushed by a sudden and devastating viral illness. The novel charts the illness' steady advance as it takes over Helen's life, leaching into every aspect of it, as normal activities become impossible and she has to struggle just to get a diagnosis while she sees her friends moving on without her. When she finally does get a diagnosis, the doctor tells her she has Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, that they don't know much about it but that recovery may take as long as 5 years. As dreadful as this prognosis sounds to Helen, who fantasizes about a fatal accident on her way home from the appointment, it is far better than the truth. As ME patients learn, sooner or later, the disease is almost always a life sentence.

Ms. Jafry's prose is blunt, direct, occasionally sardonic, as she tells a harrowing story without sentimentality. Helen wryly notes the almost inevitable cliches of being an invalid - the young woman alone, mostly bedridden, with a cat for company; the oddly disparate bits of knowledge culled from watching documentaries while crashed out in bed. I kept thinking of still lifes as I read, the vitality of the writing owing much to the writer's eye for granular, closely observed detail - the stuff of day to day existence.

Those of us who have lived their own version of this will recognize, painfully, the strain on relationships as everyone - the person who is ill and their family and friends -- struggles to cope. What most impressed me about The State of Me is how well it documents the steep cost of every bit of ground that is gained, the repeated bitter defeats as things are taken away, and the inevitable inequities between the sick and the well. I wish it could be more widely read, particularly by physicians, but also by anyone who has preconceived, glib ideas about how a person should live with a complex, crushing illness.

[Heather Browning · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this entire book thinking it was a memoir, only finding out at the end that it was actually a novel. Not sure how it would have changed my reading if I'd known. Still, it is obvious that a lot of this is drawn from life, as she perfectly depicts what it is like to live with ME/CFS: the way your world narrows, watching from outside as life happen around you, the sense of loss and fear that it might never end, the time spent spiralling inside your own head with nothing else to fill your time. I'd love everyone I know to read this, just so they can understand. But as well as a story of chronic illness, this is also just a story about a girl moving through life, love, relationships, and she also captures this well - you can feel Helen's fears and jealousy in the pit of your own stomach. In the end, it is a story of hope, of the ways in which you can fill your life in the gaps around illness.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lovely novel in 'chicklit' vein, but with a purpose - to inform readers about living with the chronic illness, ME. The writing is brisk, funny, wry, light and warm, the characters are likeable and believable, the story itself revolves around a romance, but a romance compromised by the onset of disabling illness, and how this resolves - the pain of separation and the hope of reconciliation against the daily struggle of living life and finding love as a young woman with a challenging health problem. A hugely enjoyable read for anyone; for someone with ME, there will also be lots to spark recognition, lots to give hope, lots to laugh at in a way that means you can also laugh at yourself, and lots to inform, but in the most unobtrusive way. A very well-constructed, positive, uplifting story that is meticulously researched and written from experience. Highly recommended.

[Lua · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another for my mysterious illnesses shelf. This is the semi-autobiographical novel based on the author's experiences being diagnosed and living with M.E. Well written, a quick read, and feels very true. I have such empathy for those who have these illnesses, and am so grateful for my and my family's good health at the moment.

[Susanne Mills · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes of this book because I have ME too. But... I was bored by the story, it seemed to drag itself along. I didnt like Helen, I found her depressing and lacking personality. I fell asleep reading this book...twice!! I didnt finish it, I couldnt force myself to read anymore.

[Luna E · Rating 5 out of 5]

A witty and absorbing book. The characterisation of Helen Fleet is really effective and, although it is hard to pull off a proper arc in writing about chronic illness, Jafry does is so effectively without being saccharine. 👍

[Maelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5 stars, but I'm putting it as a 5 stars on gr because I need more stories about ME

[Jodi · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a book that I can't really rate overall. My review of this book is in three categories. I give it:

1. 9/10 for the quality of the writing, the characters and the story and so on. The author has achieved something amazing here, to tell this story so well is a real achievement. (Even more so considering the author's illness.)

2. 6/10 for the accuracy of how the experience of living with the symptoms and disability of M.E. is described. The main character (and the author) clearly have M.E. but only occasionally was it really made clear how horrific a neurological disease M.E. is to live with. The high level of disability of M.E. was made very clear however, which was great to see.

3. 3/10 for the quality of the information given about M.E. It was almost entirely inaccurate. Almost all of the medical information given related to 'CFS' rather than M.E., and these are two very different entities!

(For the uninitiated, M.E. is a distinct well-documented neurological disease with several unique features that is potentially fatal and occurs in epidemic and sporadic forms. It is not a medically unexplained or 'mysterious' fatigue syndrome that can't be diagnosed until after 6 months, as is 'CFS.' Unfortunately, information on `CFS' in the UK is often incorrectly claimed to relate to M.E., especially by many so-called patient advocacy groups. In reality, the terminology is often very confused but the facts of M.E. and `CFS' are very distinct and anything but interchangeable.)

What a shame that such a brilliant novel is so let down by poor quality medical information on M.E. The author's information *sources* clearly leave a lot to be desired. It is as if the medical sections were written 15 years ago (by the CDC!), very weird to see in 2008.

The main character is so obviously not merely tired and does in fact have the characteristics seen in M.E., so all the fatigue talk is hard to understand. Why were the other far more important symptoms mentioned so seldom one wonders. The fact that M.E. is a primarily a neurological disease is only mentioned once or twice, as are other serious components of M.E. such as cardiac problems. Mere tiredness is mentioned many, many times. It makes no sense. Why present such a minimized view of what M.E. really is, in the language and descriptions used? It is hard to understand.

On the positive side, the inclusion of a severely affected friend was pure genius, and very well handled. Even moderate M.E. is beyond hellish of course, but it is important to let people know as much as possible that very severely affected M.E. patients exist too and that severe M.E. can be even worse.

The story really is very well done, as is the clever format. I loved the jokes about being a `salad distribution agent' and the main character wanting a job naming lipsticks because THAT she could still do, too. I`ve often thought just the same thing! Those parts actually made me laugh out loud.

So many problems with how to present this subject matter in an entertaining and interesting way have been so brilliantly solved. The writer clearly has real talent. The story moves along at a fast pace all the way through. The title and the cover are great too, as is the typography.

Sadly, I'd only feel fully comfortable recommending this book to politically aware M.E. patients who can perhaps still enjoy the good parts of the writing while strictly ignoring all the medical and political information in the book.

To explain that: I've put so much work into educating my family members and friends, (explaining to them that M.E. is not where people with weak immune systems simply can't cope with common well-known viruses, and that it is anything but a fatiguing condition or mysterious and so on) that there is no way I would want to give them anything that would reinforce many of those harmful myths again and undo all this hard, hard work that has taken me over a decade to really achieve...

Although perhaps it *could* be given to friends and family members, if a comment that the medical/political information in the book should be ignored were included, along with a short fact sheet about M.E. - because the story itself is very compelling and worth redistributing widely. It describes the `one day you're well and the next your whole life has changed and you're very disabled' aspect so well, which could be very beneficial for `normals' to read about.

Without those two conditions being imposed, unfortunately, the book may do more harm than good by reinforcing many harmful myths which can lead to inappropriate expectations, comments and treatment and even the withholding of appropriate support, respect and care.

This is a real tragedy considering the obviously very positive intent of the author and her considerable fiction writing talent.

[Tanya Marlow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have wanted to read this book for ages – touted as a well-written novel (her writing has been previously shortlisted for 2 prizes) about someone who has ME. The author herself has ME, and I deeply respected her writing wherever I saw it on the internet, but I was worried that it would just be a bit sad to read about someone who has ME and doesn’t get better. (This is also my fear about my memoir, incidentally). I was pleasantly surprised: it was like reading Bridget Jones, if Bridget Jones had moderate/severe ME. Like Bridget Jones, there is a fair amount of swearing and sex, and she manages to notch up an impressive number of sexual encounters considering that she is living with her parents for most of the plot. There is a thread of a love story woven through, which made me keep turning the pages. There were some things that really rang true for me: the ‘conversations with a stranger’ peppered throughout illustrate how difficult it is to explain your illness and describe your life to someone who doesn’t know what it’s like. For example, this:
stranger You don’t look ill.

me That’s good, isn’t it?

stranger You seem to have a lot of energy.

me That’s ‘cos we’re sitting down just talking.

stranger Why can’t you do a job where you can sit down?

me Because it’s not just my legs. If I overdo it my arms feel mashed up and my head shuts down. I can’t think straight.

stranger I see.

me You don’t believe me, do you?

stranger No, not really.

And she captures so well that feeling of the days passing without having done anything useful:

stranger What did you do today?

me I made cheese scones and put a dead bee in the bin.

Some things felt very familiar: my illness kicked off with a virus, like hers, for example, but other things were different to my experience. Her kickstarter virus was Coxsackie virus, mine was Epstein-Barr Virus (mononucleosis); she had developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome as a result of the Cocksackie virus, whereas I don’t have any gastrointestinal symptoms; when I overdo things it’s my legs, heart, breathing and concentration which are most affected, whereas if she overdid things her arms, legs and concentration were affected; the progress of her illness was quite static, and like many people with ME she got a virus and didn’t really get better, whereas my illness has been characterised by dramatic relapses and gradual deterioration. It reminded me of how varied ME can be, and yet the hallmark feature of post-exertional malaise and muscle exhaustion was described so well that it felt instantly recognisable as ME. Her tone is nicely British-sardonic humorous, and I found it to be a highly enjoyable, well-written, and witty journey through the life of an eminently likeable ME patient, written by someone who really understands the illness.

[Emmanuelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this book for a couple of years, but I kept putting off reading it-- in part, because she's one of those authors who doesn't use "quotation marks" (I hate that!); and partly because when I flipped it open to read random parts it seemed to be about boyfriend troubles (and that's not an issue in my life right now-- thank God!).

But I picked it up recently and found myself strangely compelled to keep reading all 400+ pages (not in one sitting ... !). Once I got past the beginning and the character's rather adolescent emotionality (to be fair-- she IS an adolescent in the beginning) and got used to the somewhat journal-like writing style, I found myself caught-up in the plight of this young woman with a mysterious, debilitating illness which her doctors and others keep dismissing as flu, depression or malingering. (Now THAT I could relate to ... )

It turns out that she has "ME" (myalgic encephalomyelitis**) giving double meaning to the "Me" in the title. She is fortunate to have parents and friends who believe and understand her illness, but she still has to learn to cope with being mostly housebound, dropping out of college and missing out on the normal, "fun" things that her friends are experiencing. It's sad-- but not depressing reading. (At least, not for me; but then I have the same illness, so I could relate to her descriptions of feeling sick, exhausted and in pain-- as well as how she gradually comes to a place of acceptance and learns to pace herself and create a good life.)

I'm so glad I gave this one a chance. I really felt invested in the character (eventually even her relationship troubles!) and I appreciate the realistic "face" that Ms. Jafry put on an illness that it still misunderstood. (A bonus for me: the story takes place mostly in Scotland and I enjoyed the language and cultural differences.)

**ME-- myalgic encephalomyelitis is still often referred to as "chronic fatigue syndrome" in the US, although there is a movement to get rid of that trivializing name; even in the medical community it is more often being called CFS/ME ... a step in the right direction toward recognizing this as a serious neurological illness.

[Katie O'Rourke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nasim Marie Jafry's debut novel reads more like memoir, depicting a fifteen year period in the life a woman diagnosed with ME, a condition which also affects the author. Diagnosed in the '80s, Helen Fleet must deal with a medical community that knows so little about her condition that it's often dismissed as psychosomatic. While this book does a good job challenging that idea, it didn't feel bogged down with medical information.

The novel is anything but plot driven. About a hundred pages in, I read some reviews to see if I should keep going. The consensus was yes, and I'm glad I did, but part of what impressed me the most about this book is that there's really no conventional plot to be found in 500 pages.

What kept me reading was the quirky perspective of the narrator. She is whiny and irritating at times (especially in the beginning when she's in her early twenties), but her take on the world in which she participates differently is revealing. She discusses the way her illness affects life's practicalities- going to parties, holding a job, traveling, living on her own.

Surprisingly, the narrative is dominated by her insecurities about her dating life. In some ways, this is frustrating, but it's also rather humanizing. The expectation for many readers would be for her thoughts to be consumed by her disease, but instead she obsesses over whether a particular boy will call her.

The book is unconventional stylistically. She shifts tenses and POV (by scene, not within a scene). There are "interviews" included where Helen answers the question of a stranger, reminiscent of the ignorance she encounters about ME. As the perspective moves closer, then further away, it seems to mimic her own experience; at times she feels she's watching herself from the outside.

I think Jafry does a really good job of showing someone who is struggling with disability, but not defined by it. So many other things are bigger, most especially her unique personality. I think we live in a society that often forgets that's true of everyone.

[Juliet Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The State of Me follows Helen Fleet, a promising student at Glasgow University, whose studies are interrupted when she is diagnosed first with Coxsackie virus and then with ME. Based on her own experiences of having ME, Nasim writes beautifully and insightfully and with a great deal of humour and originality about how the illness affects Helen's life and relationships.The novel moves back and forth between Helen's first person narrative, third person narrative and internal dialogues:

helen: What are you doing today?

stranger: I'm going to see Dance with a Stranger after work. What about you?

helen: Oh, I'm getting new plasma. I'm bored with the stuff I've got, so I thought I'd get some new stuff.

Woven into the background are the music, films, books and news items of the 1980s (so I found myself singing along at times!). Helen goes through a lot of bad times, when she can barely get out of bed and when she is faced by people (including medical practitioners) who deny the existence of ME. However in between times she enjoys life with her friends and family and manages her energy so she can travel a wee bit and do some voluntary work. Nasim has a great eye for amusing incidents:

'When we'd finished ...(the meal)... the owner brought out a beautiful black puppy and put her on the table for us to pat, as if she were an after-dinner ritual like brandy and cigars.'

This is a wonderful novel which engages the reader on many levels as well as giving a lot of insight into ME.

The State of Me by Nasim Marie Jafry published by The Friday Project (an imprint of Harper Collins)

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I was reading this novel it gripped me completely - to the extent of telling friends what the characters were up to. The protagonist, Helen, begins to feel the symptoms of a 'mystery illness' on a university gap year, which comes to profoundly affect her life over the next decade. The State of Me is based on Jafry's own experiences of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) during an era when groundbreaking research was being conducted and the medical profession was developing (all too slowly, in some cases) an understanding of the condition. On one level, the novel charts a personal journey; on another, a chapter in the history of medicine. Jafry writes accessibly and engagingly for readers, like me, with no prior knowledge of ME; I gained a good understanding of the condition, and the range of ways it can affect people. This all sounds very serious - but illness is only one theme in a rich and ambitious novel. The State of Me is bursting with formal inventiveness and verbal panache, and the warmth and wit of the narrator's voice lingered in my mind long after I finished reading.

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was excellent. It was really interesting to learn about ME, an illness I knew zero about when I picked this up and despite the serious subject matter, this was actually a joy to read.

I found a lot to like and admire in the main character Helen and felt so much sympathy for her as she comes to terms with a condition that halts her life just as it was beginning.

A genuine and immersive read, I can’t praise the author highly enough for her fantastic writing and I really hope she releases more novels in the future.

[Ciara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, as someone who also suffers with a chronic illness, i found the writers portrayal of life with M.E. poignant, and incredibly realistic. I particularly enjoyed the descriptions of her relationships and how they were impacted by her illness. The writer really draws you into her world, and I would recommend it for anyone suffering with a chronic illness, or anyone who just wants to read an interesting book.

[Helen Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

M.E sufferers vary from those able to hold down a part time job to those completely bedridden, but this is the account of a young girl whose contracts M.E and is very limited in her day to day activities, she shares her frustrations and worries with us but the book doesn't get too depressing. A good read for anyone who cares to know more about the disabling condition from the point of view of the sufferer.

[Allan Dickinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book on what it's like to live with M.E. - the frustrations about not being able to do what you want, the general lack of support from the medical profession, the different responses from other people. Yet through it all, Helen Fleet manages to stay hopeful (most of the time) and celebrates her triumphs and successes, however small.