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How to Win Friends and Influence People

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You can go after the job you want...and get it! You can take the job you have...and improve it! You can take any situation you're in...and make it work for you!

Since its release in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold more than 30 million copies. Dale Carnegie's first book is a timeless bestseller, packed with rock-solid advice that has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.

As relevant as ever before, Dale Carnegie's principles endure, and will help you achieve your maximum potential in the complex and competitive modern age.

Learn the six ways to make people like you, the twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking, and the nine ways to change people without arousing resentment.

288 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1936

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About the author

Dale Carnegie

1,169 books7,668 followers
Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (originally Carnagey until 1922 and possibly somewhat later) (November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born in poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in 1936, a massive bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote a biography of Abraham Lincoln, titled Lincoln the Unknown, as well as several other books.

Carnegie was an early proponent of what is now called responsibility assumption, although this only appears minutely in his written work. One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's reaction to them.

Born in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri, Carnegie was a poor farmer's boy, the second son of James William Carnagey and wife Amanda Elizabeth Harbison (b. Missouri, February 1858 – living 1910). In his teens, though still having to get up at 4 a.m. every day to milk his parents' cows, he managed to get educated at the State Teacher's College in Warrensburg. His first job after college was selling correspondence courses to ranchers; then he moved on to selling bacon, soap and lard for Armour & Company. He was successful to the point of making his sales territory of South Omaha, Nebraska the national leader for the firm.

After saving $500, Carnegie quit sales in 1911 in order to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a Chautauqua lecturer. He ended up instead attending the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York, but found little success as an actor, though it is written that he played the role of Dr. Hartley in a road show of Polly of the Circus.[citation needed] When the production ended, he returned to New York, unemployed, nearly broke, and living at the YMCA on 125th Street. It was there that he got the idea to teach public speaking, and he persuaded the "Y" manager to allow him to instruct a class in return for 80% of the net proceeds. In his first session, he had run out of material; improvising, he suggested that students speak about "something that made them angry", and discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience. From this 1912 debut, the Dale Carnegie Course evolved. Carnegie had tapped into the average American's desire to have more self-confidence, and by 1914, he was earning $500 - the equivalent of nearly $10,000 now - every week.

Perhaps one of Carnegie’s most successful marketing moves was to change the spelling of his last name from “Carnegey” to Carnegie, at a time when Andrew Carnegie (unrelated) was a widely revered and recognized name. By 1916, Dale was able to rent Carnegie Hall itself for a lecture to a packed house. Carnegie's first collection of his writings was Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men (1926), later entitled Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1932). His crowning achievement, however, was when Simon & Schuster published How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book was a bestseller from its debut in 1937, in its 17th printing within a few months. By the time of Carnegie's death, the book had sold five million copies in 31 languages, and there had been 450,000 graduates of his Dale Carnegie Institute. It has been stated in the book that he had critiqued over 150,000 speeches in his participation of the adult education movement of the time. During World War I he served in the U.S. Army.

His first marriage ended in divorce in 1931. On November 5, 1944, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he married Dorothy Price Vanderpool, who also had been divorced. Vanderpool had two daughters; Rosemary, from her first marriage, and Donna Dale from their marriage together.

Carnegie died at Forest Hills, New York, and was buried in the Belton, Cass County, Missouri cemetery. The official biography fro

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 22,482 reviews
1 review121 followers
April 2, 2010
This book had a profound effect on me, however, of the negative variety. It did give me pointers on how to actually break out of my shell and "win friends" but in the long term, it did way more harm than good. Not the book per se, but my choice to follow the advice given there. The book basically tells you to be agreeable to everybody, find something to honestly like about them and compliment them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time.

It might sound like a harmless, or even attractive idea in theory, but choosing to apply it in your every day life can lead to dangerous results. Case in point: after being a smiley happy person with loads of friends for about a year, the unpleasant realization began to creep in, that by being so agreeable to everybody else, I rarely ever got my way. I also sustained friendships with people who were self-centered, so talking about their interests was all we got to do together, which drained me of my energy. The worst thing still, is that by trying to find something to like about every person, I completely disregarded their glaring faults. It didn't matter that those people did have redeeming qualities - they weren't redeeming enough! I ended up with a bunch of friends I didn't really want and, because I was so preoccupied with "winning" those friendships I missed out on the chance to form relationships with good people.

I suppose, for somebody who is a better judge of character, the principles outlined in this book *could* be of some value. But that's really just me trying to find something positive (using the "principles") in a book that I am still trying to UNlearn.

If you want to win friends, you have to do it the hard way, by being yourself and risking rejection (and daring to do some rejection of your own, as well). And if you want to influence people the only fair way to do it is through honesty. All the rest is manipulation and pretending. Do not read this book, you'll only learn how to manipulate yourself & others. Do not read it out of fear of rejection & low self-esteem, there are better ways to gain some courage in approaching people. This will harm you in the long run.

Thank you for reading this review.

Profile Image for Conrad.
200 reviews298 followers
April 25, 2007
Dale, saying people's names often when you're talking to them, Dale, doesn't make you popular, Dale, it makes you sound like a patronizing creep.

This book is probably really handy when you're trying to befriend kindergarteners, not as much adults. It's also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans.
Profile Image for Ivan.
82 reviews32 followers
September 27, 2007
Three things about this book surprised me and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would.

One - it seemed pretty much timeless. Not much anachronism here, because language still serves the same purposes as ever, and people still want basically the same things they've always wanted. I liked the examples taken from Abe Lincoln, etc.

Two - the techniques described in the book aren't duplicitous. We all try to do what the title says, just like everyone else, whether we're admitting it to ourselves or not. Readers are repeatedly encouraged to develop genuine interest in others, be honest and ethical, and obey the golden rule.

Three - I enjoyed it (read twice back to back) and it felt easy and natural to apply some of the ideas in my life. Shortly after reading this book, I was a little bit better at communicating and a little bit happier about my interactions with others in general.
Profile Image for Adina ( On hiatus until next week) .
827 reviews3,239 followers
October 3, 2018
I bought this one in 2004 from an Amsterdam bookstore and it has been laying on my bookshelves since then. It's an icon of self help books and that was a problem because I kind of hate that genre. I decided to get rid of this one as well but not without trying, at least, to see if there is anything of value in it. Well, I was surprised to read some sensible advice and I decided to actually read more. charming in their archaic ways.

So, the book wasn't total garbage. As I said above, it had some good advice about the subject of win friends and influence people although there was a lot of filler in order to make his principle into a book. Some examples were really interesting others a bit ridiculous.

One of the problems I had with the author and one I find too often in self-help books is the condescending tone, the ones that tells you how smart he is and that she is the only one capable to tell you how success is achieved.

It was an interesting read, I learn some useful skills but it isn't groundbreaking anymore in my opinion.
Profile Image for Ahmad Sharabiani.
9,566 reviews56.6k followers
December 8, 2021
How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. Over 15 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. In 2011, it was number 19 on Time Magazine's list of the 100 most influential books.

تاریخ نخستین خوانش: سال1968میلادی

عنوان: آیین دوست یابی؛ نویسنده: دیل کارنگی؛ موضوع نوشتارهای نویسندگان ایالات متحده آمریکا - سده20م

راهکارهای بسیار ساده‌ ای، که به کار بردن آن راهکارها، تاثیر بسیاری در بهبود روابط اجتماعی خواهد داشت را به خوانشگر معرفی می‌کند؛

کتاب «آئین دوست‌یابی» یا عنوان اصلی: «چگونه می‌توان دوست یافت و در مردم نفوذ کرد»؛ کتابی در سبک «یاری به خویشتن» نوشته ی «دیل کارنِگی» است؛ این کتاب یکی از نخستین، و بهترین کتاب‌های «یاری به خویشتن» است، نخستین چاپ این کتاب در سال1936میلادی بوده است؛

مترجمان بزرگوار بسیاری خانمها و آقایان «رش‍ی‍د ی‍اس‍م‍ی‌ با نام غلامرضا رشید یاسمی در سال1320هجری خورشیدی، در336ص؛ چاپ هفتم سال1333هجری خورشیدی»، «مهناز بهرنگی»؛ «م‍ح‍س‍ن‌ ع‍ل‍ی‌م‍ددی‌»، «ری‍ح‍ان‍ه‌ ج‍ع‍ف‍ری‌»، «پ‍روی‍ن‌ ق‍ائ‍م‍ی‌»؛ «هانیه حق‌نبی‌مطلق»؛ «خشایار خطیر»؛ «ج‍ه‍ان‍گ‍ی‍ر اف‍خ‍م‍ی‌»؛ «اردلان افخمی»؛ «ع‍ف‍ت‌ غ‍ف‍وری‌»؛ «س‍م‍ی‍را ش‍اه‍م‍رادی‌»؛ «سودابه مبشر»؛ «ساناز توتونچی»؛ «سوزان خدیو»؛ «مرضیه صادقی‌زاده»؛ «کبری قیصری»؛ «محمد محمدی»؛ «سیدحسن حسینی»؛ «زینب بهاری»، «زینب غیوری‌کودهی»؛ «آذر م‍ح‍زون‌»؛ «م‍ه‍رداد م‍ه‍ری‍ن‌»؛ «م‍ح‍م‍ود دوس‍ت‍دار»؛ «م‍ی‍ت‍را ک‍ی‍وان‌م‍ه‍ر»؛ «س‍ی‍روس‌ ع‍ظی‍م‍ی‌»؛ «نادر تسلیمیان»؛ «فرشته پرنیان‌خوی»؛ «فرانک جهانبخش»؛ «م‍ح‍م‍درض‍ا اک‍ب‍ری‌ب‍ی‍رق‍ی‌»؛ «سامیه ابوالفتحی»؛ «س‍ی‍روس‌ ع‍ظی‍م‍ی‌»؛ و ...؛ تا کنون کتاب را به فارسی برگردان کرده‌ اند، که بیشتر آنها همین عنوان کوتاه: «آئین دوست یابی» را برای کتاب برگزیده اند

کتاب «کارنگی» در شش بخش است؛

نخستین بخش «اصول اساسی رفتار با مردم» نام دارد؛ این بخش از سه فصل اصلی تشکیل شده است که «دیل کارنگی» در هر کدام توضیحاتی جامع درباره‌ ی رفتارهای متقابل انسان‌ها می‌دهند

بخش دوم شش راه برای کسب محبوبیت نام دارد؛ این بخش که شش فصل دارد، روش‌های جلب محبت دیگران را بیان می‌کند؛ این فصل از نظر خوانشگران بهترین فصل کتاب است، راهکارهای بسیار جالب و کارآمد دارد که شما می‌توانید در زندگی روزمره خود از آن‌ها سود ببرید؛ «دیل کارنگی» در آخرین فصل این بخش نکته‌ ای را یادآوری می‌کند، که شاید این‌ روزها فراموش شده باشند؛ ایشان می‌گویند: «صمیمانه و صادقانه کاری کنید که دیگری احساس مهم بودن کند»؛ «کارنگی» برای اثبات این نظریه، روایتی از «دیزرائیلی»، یکی از نخست وزیران پیشین «انگلستان»، بازگو می‌کند که امپراطور، در تنها یک جمله می‌گوید: «با هر کس درباره‌ ی خودش حرف بزنید؛ ساعت‌ها به حرف‌های شما گوش می‌دهد.»؛

بخش سوم «دوازده شیوه برای آنکه دیگران را با خود همراه سازید» نام دارد، و در دوازده فصل روایت می‌شود؛ «دیل کارنگی» تأثیر رقابت مثبت را در این بخش بیان می‌کند؛ داستانی از کارخانه ی ذوب آهن بیان می‌کنند که رقابت مثبت بین کارمندان شیفت صبح و شب باعث شد که آن کارخانه از ورشکستگی نجات پیدا کند

بخش چهارم این کتاب، در نه فصل، «نه روش برای همراه ساختن دیگران با خود بدون آن‌که رنجیده خاطر یا خشمگین شوند» را شرح می‌دهد؛ «کارنگی» مخالف شدید انتقاد است، اما در فصل اول این بخش از کتاب می‌گویند: «اگر ضرورت دارد که از کسی انتقاد کنید این‌طور شروع کنید؛ ابتدا از او تعریف و تمجید کنید و سپس از او انتقاد کنید؛ این روش باعث می‌شود که انتقاد برای انتقاد شونده آنقدر تلخ و دردناک نباشد»؛

بخش پنجم این کتاب، «چند نامه‌ ی معجزه آمیز» است که در آن «دیل کارنگی»، نامه‌ هایی را در این بخش نگاشته اند تا خوانشگرانش بتوانند تغییرات ایجاد شده در روابط را حس کنند

بخش ششم و پایانی کتاب «هفت توصیه‌ ی مهم برای نیک‌بختی اعضای خانواده» نام دارد؛ این بخش که هفت فصل دارد، نخست مشکلات زندگی زناشویی را بررسی می‌کند و سپس راهکار‌ها را ارائه می‌دهد

نقل از متن: (آرزوی مهم بودن و مورد احترام دیگران قرار داشتن یکی از تفاوت‌های مهم انسان با حیوانات است؛ البته احساس برتر بودن نیز در حیوانات وجود دارد، ولی ماهیت آن با آنچه در انسان است تفاوت دارد؛ برای این‌که بهتر متوجه قضیه شوید خاطره‌ ای را برایتان تعریف کنم؛ وقتی یک پسربچه روستایی در ایالت میسوری بودم، پدرم به کار پرورش بز و گاو مشغول بود؛ ما گاوهای پیشانی سفید خود را، در نمایشگاه‌های روستایی دام، در سراسر غرب به نمایش می‌گذاشتیم، و چند بار هم جایزه‌ ی اول را تصاحب کردیم؛ پدرم مدال‌های آبی رنگ را روی پارچه‌ ی اطلس سفیدی چسپانده بود، و هر بار که دوستان به خانه‌ ی ما می‌آمدند، این پارچه را بیرون می‌آورد، و یک سرش را خودش می‌گرفت، و سر دیگرش را به دست من می‌داد، و مدال‌ها آبی را به مهمانان نشان می‌دادیم

درآن دوران گاو‌ها اهمیتی به جایزه‌ ای که به دست آورده بودند نمی‌دادند، ولی پدرم خیلی به آن‌ها اهمیت می‌داد، چون بدون شک اگر این عطش سیری ناپذیر برای مهم بودن، و مورد تحسین دیگران قرار گرفتن، در میان انسان‌ها وجود نداشت، تمدنی با این افتخارات چشمگیر بوجود نمی‌آمد؛ بدون این حس، ما نیز همانند سایر موجودات بودیم

همین عطش مهم بودن، و مورد ستایش قرار گرفتن بود، که باعث شد یک پادوی بی‌سواد و فقیر خواروبار فروشی، به مطالعه‌ ی برخی کتب حقوقی، که در ته یک بشکه‌ ی کهنه پیدا کرده، و به مبلغ پنجاه سنت خریداری کرده بود، بپردازد؛ شاید شما هم نام این پادوی خواروبار فروشی را شنیده باشید؛ بله اسمش «آبراهام لینکلن» است)؛ پایان نقل

تاریخ بهنگام رسانی 18/10/1399هجری خورشیدی؛ 16/09/1400هجری خورشیدی؛ ا. شربیانی
Profile Image for Navin.
15 reviews
October 2, 2013
This is a sad book. A book that aims to turn us into manipulating individuals who would want to achieve their means through flattery and other verbal-mental tricks. Even technically, it seems to me that the ploys' in this book would never really work.

Here is a quote from the book -
“Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

And what does the book do? It tries, or at least pretends to turn you into a someone who would flatter everything that moves – so that you get - WHAT YOU WANT.

Most of us read so that we are inspired, moved, even shocked or atleast entertained by stories. We also read so that we understand better and stretch the possibilities of our minds and hearts, to be better human beings. We definitely do not read to become conniving ugly creatures to be held prisoners by our greed. And come on get a grip – this is essentially a sales book.

Profile Image for Roy Lotz.
Author 1 book8,181 followers
February 22, 2017
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Dale Carnegie is a quintessentially American type. He is like George F. Babbitt come to life—except considerably smarter. And here he presents us with the Bible for the American secular religion: capitalism with a smile.

In a series of short chapters, Carnegie lays out a philosophy of human interaction. The tenets of this philosophy are very simple. People are selfish, prideful, and sensitive creatures. To get along with people you need to direct your actions towards their egos. To make people like you, compliment them, talk in terms of their wants, make them feel important, smile big, and remember their name. If you want to persuade somebody, don’t argue, and never contradict them; instead, be friendly, emphasize the things you agree on, get them to do most of the talking, and let them take credit for every bright idea.

The most common criticism lodged at this book is that it teaches manipulation, not genuine friendship. Well, I agree that this book doesn’t teach how to achieve genuine intimacy with people. A real friendship requires some self-expression, and self-expression is not part of Carnegie’s system. As another reviewer points out, if you use this mindset to try to get real friends, you’ll end up in highly unsatisfying relationships. Good friends aren't like difficult customers; they are people you can argue with and vent to, people who you don't have to impress.

Nevertheless, I think it’s not accurate to say that Carnegie is teaching manipulation. Manipulation is when you get somebody to do something against their own interests; but Carnegie’s whole system is directed towards getting others to see that their self-interest is aligned with yours. This is what I meant by calling him the prophet of “capitalism with a smile,” since his philosophy is built on the notion that, most of the time, people can do business with each other that is mutually beneficial. He never advocates being duplicitous: “Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.”

Maybe what puts people off is his somewhat cynical view of human nature. He sees people as inherently selfish creatures who are obsessed with their own wants; egotists with a fragile sense of self-esteem: “People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner.”

Well, maybe it's just because I am an American, but this conception of human nature feels quite accurate to me. Even the nicest people are absorbed with their own desires, troubles, and opinions. Indeed, the only reason that it’s easy to forget that other people are preoccupied with their own priorities is because we are so preoccupied with our own that it’s hard to imagine anyone thinks otherwise. The other day, for example, I ran into my neighbor, a wonderfully nice woman, who immediately proceeded to unload all her recent troubles on me while scarcely asking me a single question. This isn’t because she is bad or selfish, but because she’s human and wanted a listening ear. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

In any case, I think this book is worth reading just for its historical value. As one of the first and most successful examples of the self-help genre, it is an illuminating document. Already in this book, we have what I call “Self-Help Miracle Stories”—you know, the stories about somebody applying the lessons from this book and achieving a complete life turnaround. Although the author always insists the stories are real, the effect is often comical: “Jim applied this lesson, and his customer was so happy he named his first-born son after him!” “Rebecca impressed her boss so much that he wrote her a check for one million dollars on the spot!” “Frank did such a good job at the meeting that one of his clients bought him a Ferrari, and another one offered him his daughter in marriage!” (These are only slight exaggerations.)

Because of this book’s age, the writing is quaint and charming. Take, for example, this piece of advice on how to get the most out of the book: “Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.” A lively game! How utterly delightful.

Probably this book would be far more effective if Carnegie included some exercises instead of focusing on anecdotes. But then again, it would be far less enjoyable reading in that case, since the anecdotes are told with such verve and pep (to quote Babbitt). And I think we could all use a little more pep in our lives.
Profile Image for Cathy Patton.
170 reviews9 followers
February 24, 2014
This is the most boring, tedious, inane book I've ever read. It is a total of 236 pages but the essence could be boiled down to 12 at most. Every chapter, he has one point summarized in a neat box at the end. I skimmed the rest. He gives you six examples when one or two would do. He deliberately repeats himself. He wastes the readers' time.

Do yourself a favor and just read the "In a Nutshell" summary points at the end of each chapter. You won't miss anything.
Profile Image for Abbie.
103 reviews1 follower
October 2, 2008
It's considered corny to read books like this, but that kind of cynicism is ultimately limiting and counterproductive. My dad forced me to read this book and it was one of the main things that pushed me out of my shyness and made me an amicable person.
Profile Image for Anne.
3,918 reviews69.3k followers
March 25, 2023
There's actually some really great advice here that sort of stands the test of time.


But like most self-help books, a lot of the advice doesn't work in every situation and/or is just flat-out situational.


I also think the winning friends part of the book is less about having true friendships than about how to win over a room or how to convince people to see things your way. I wouldn't think that smiling and being agreeable, which is great on the surface and a good way to behave in general, would lend itself to creating strong intimate relationships.
Everyone (whether they admit it or not) likes to see a bit of piss and vinegar in the personalities of their friends and lovers.


My two favorite pieces of advice were these:
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
The author points out that when you humiliate someone their first instinct is to double down and try to prove that whatever they did or are doing is valid. It doesn't matter how right you are, the vast majority of people don't respond to criticism well at all.


The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
So true. Even if you win, you lose because that person will (once again) be humiliated and not be receptive to what you are trying to do. You may be completely right, but you're just shooting yourself in the dick by getting into an argument over things.


You can smugly be right, or you can swallow that pride and choose to get things done. If you want results, try to put yourself in the other person's place and use a softer hand. No one likes to be embarrassed.


Really the gist of everything this book talks about is just that you need to put yourself in the place of the person you need to win over. What do they want? <--probably recognition and compensation. What would they like to hear? <--praise over what they've done well will likely go a long way to smoothing over any hurt feeling when you discuss what you would like them to do differently.


It also talks about giving sincere compliments and just being the sort of person who de-escalates bad situations. However, as most people already know, it's impossible (and sort of stupid) to be that person all the time or in every situation. Obviously, there will be times that you need to put your foot down and be firm about what you want. I think this book is just saying that you should try the nice way first.


Now I listened to a revised version, so some of the situations presented were updated. I didn't realize this was what I had until Stevie Wonder and a computer company were both used as various examples for something or other. I was like...1930what?! I don't think so.
I would love-love to read the original text in all of its (I'm sure) outdated glory, but I suppose that will have to wait for another day.


I wasn't expecting to find this such a readable (listenable?) book, but I had no trouble getting through it at all.

Andrew Macmillian - Narrator
Profile Image for Sheri.
1,120 reviews42 followers
December 5, 2021
Easy to understand advice for building and improving positive and successful relationships with people in all areas of your life. Not a book per se for making friends, although it certainly can be used that way (with a grain of salt perhaps), but more directly a book that promotes good communication, kindness, and the social skills to foster healthy and productive working relationships.

I can see how some people are taken aback by Carnegie’s advice. You have to be in the right frame of mind to truly gain from this book. Go into it with a reflective approach and a genuine and concentrated effort to gain wisdom and you will be rewarded with the insights to achieve the goodwill of others as well as solid and lasting relationships.
Profile Image for Ali Goodwin.
143 reviews12.1k followers
September 27, 2022
I really liked this book! I feel like I learned SO much about being a good leader, influencing people, and bettering my social skills. I truly think the lessons I learned in this book will stick with me for life. :)
Profile Image for Ahmad  Ebaid.
281 reviews1,998 followers
October 1, 2018
:قبل أن تشرع في قراءة الكتاب, هناك ملاحظات أحبذ اعتبارها في حساباتك

1- السلوكيات والنصائح الواردة لا يعتمد عليها بالكلية للحصول على أصدقاء من أقرانك, فلكي يقبلك أحدهم كصديق في علاقة طويلة المدى يجب أن تكون شخصاً ذا ثقل, ويحمل مميزات مادية مفيدة تجعله يحتاجك دائماً, وإذا فقدت هذه الميزات فستنطفئ علاقته بك تدريجياً حتى وإن لم يكن يقصد هو ذلك؛ لذا فالعمل على تنمية مهاراتك هو حجر الأساس.

2- يجب أن تبدو السلوكيات التي تنفذها بمظهر السلوكيات المخلصة, فالناس لا يحبون الرياء والمداهنة؛ فذلك يظهرك غالباً كنصاب يعاملهم كأغبياء, وفي أحسن الأحوال تظهر بمظهر النصاب فقط, وفي كل الأحوال سيتلاشى مجهودك المبذول على هذه السلوكيات. وبصفتي الشخصية, لي صديق يحاول دائماً تنفيذ سلوكيات كالمذكورة في الكتاب كإظهار الاهتمام بما يثير اهتمامي, ولكنه لا يفعلها بإخلاص غالباً, فيتحول الأمر إلى مدعاة للشفقة.

3- ��لسلوكيات الواردة ليست بتعاويذ سحرية, فضلاً عن أنها معروفة وقديمة قدم الأزل, ولكن لا يستخدمها الناس عادة في أمورهم اليومية لارتفاع تكلفة الجهد المبذول فيها مقابل العائد البسيط منها نظراً لأن معظم الأشخاص الذين نقابلهم لا فائدة منهم على الإطلاق. وعندما نحتاج أحد هذه السلوكيات لتخطي ورطة مع أحد الأشخاص, تتوه الحلول مننا, وإن وجدناها فليس بمقدورنا تنفيذ ما لم نتعود على فعله تنفيذاً يبدو جيداً. وعليه, فالأعلام الوارد ذكرهم في الكتاب كعباقرة في التعامل مع الناس مثل "روزفلت", يستثمرون جهود ضخمة لتمويل شعبيتهم وسط الناس, وبهذا أصل من جديد إلى إن العبقرية هي مقدرة ع��ى الصبر/الاجتهاد.
ليس لدي الصبر على كل تلك المشاق لتلقي مشاعر الناس, ومن الجيد أنه ليس لدي رغبة عميقة في استزادة مقدرتي على معاملة الناس بحكم شخصيتي الـ"INTJ-T"
.. وعليه نويت استخدام الكتاب كمرجع, في حال إن تورطت في علاقة مع أحد البشر.

4-"moral high ground fags" ككل الكتب التي تتحدث عن سلوك البشر وكيفية استغلاله, لا ينصح به للسادة الـ .

5- استخدمه باعتدال, فمعظم السلوكيات تعتمد في تأثيرها على قلة تنفيذ الآخرين لها, وإذ أنت أغرقت الجميع بها, فسوف يتبدد تأثيرها ككل شيء متوفر بسهولة من حولهم مهما كان أهمية ما تقوم به لهم. خذ الماء والهواء كمثال وعبرة.


ترجمة "عبد الله محمد الزيادي" عن "دار الندوة الجديدة" اللبنانية ترجمة جيدة جداً... ترجمة العنوان الرئيسي لـ "كيف تختار الأصدقاء" غير موفق, والعنوان الفرعي "كيف تؤثر في الناس" أكثر تعبيراً عن الكتاب.
هناك ترجمات أخرى متوفرة, ولكني لم أطلع عليها.


تماماً ككتاب "دع القلق وتعلم الحياة", يسرد كارنجي الكثير من القصص الحقيقية المسلية لتوضيح نصائحه, ولإعطاء أمثلة عملية نستطيع استغلالها في حياتنا. أذكر منهم قصتان, والأولى منهما تصرفت فيها قليلاً:

"إن معظم الشبان الراغبين في الزواج لا يهمهم أن تكون الزوجة المنشودة ربة بيت من الطراز الأول بقدر ما يهمهم أن تشبع غرورهم, وتمنحهم الإحساس بالأهمية والاعتبار!"
ولعل هذا هو السر في أن أكثر الفتيات المثقفات يخفقن في الحصول على الأزواج, فإنك قد تدعو الفتاة المثقفة للغداء معك , فلا تلبث أن تتركك وقد تحمست لدراسة التيارات الهامة في الفلسفة المعاصرة - مثلاً- وماذا تكون النتيجة؟ تتناول غداءها بعد ذلك بلا رفيق.
ولكنك قد تدعو إلى الغداء فتاة تعمل على الآلة الكاتبة ولم تدرس قط في الجامعة, فلا تلبث أن تثبت نظرها عليك, وتقول لك: "حدثني عن نفسك" وماذا تكون النتيجة؟ سوف تشعر بالأمان في صحبتها, وسوف تقول حتماً في لأصحابك: "صحيح إنها ليست على قدر كبير من الجمال, ولكني ارتحت لها!"

منذ وقت قصير, وقع صديق لي في غرام فتاة لم يلبث أن خطبها, وبعد قليل من خطبته, رغبت إليه خطيبته في أن يتعلم الرقص فاستجاب لرغبتها. قال لي وهو يروي القصة:
"... والله يعلم أنني كنت في أمس الحاجة إلى دروس الرقص. كنت قد تعلمت الرقص منذ نحو عشرين سنة, فلما عدت إليه, عدت كما بدأته, وقد صارحتني المدرسة الأولى التي قصدت إليها, بهذه الحقيقة سافرة, قالت لي لي إنني على خطأ بيّن, وإنه يجب أن أنسى ما تعلمته في الماضي وأن أبدأ من جديد! ولكن هذا اقتضاني مجهوداً كبيراً, ولم يكن لدي دافع يدفعني إلى مواصلة التعليم فتركتها!.
"ولعل المعلمة الثانية كذبت علي, ولكني فضلتها! قالت لي إن رقصي قديم العهد بعض الشيء, ولكن المبادئ في جوهرها صحيحة. وأكدت أنني لن ألقى عناء في تعلم بعض الخطوات الجديدة.
"لقد بثت المعلمة الأولى اليأس في نفسي بتأكيدها لأخطائي, أما الثانية فقد فعلت العكس تماماً: امتدحت الشيء الوحيد الصحيح في رقصي, وهونت كثيراً من شأن أخطائي.
وكانت لا تفتأ تقول لي: إن لك أذناً موسيقية .. إنك راقص موهوب.
"وبرغم إيماني بأنني كنت – وسأظل – راقصاً من الدرجة الرابعة, إلا أنني كنت أتشكك أحيانا وأقول لنفسي : ربما كانت تعني ما تقول!. والواقع أنني كنت أنقدها المال بسبب ما تواليني به من تشجيع وتقدير!"


محتويات الكتاب:
Profile Image for Steven Medina.
189 reviews843 followers
May 3, 2022
¡Clásico de clásicos! Por la gran calidad del contenido, no es una sorpresa que, tras casi cien años de la fecha de publicación, el libro aún siga siendo vigente y muy popular.

Excelente libro, en verdad me encanta. Esta obra de Carnegie me recuerda a un libro llamado 70 recetas para triunfar en la vida el cual mi madre me regaló hace varios años porque, en aquel entonces, ella, me sintió bastante desorientado en mi vida. Recuerdo que resultó siendo un gran regalo porque en verdad aquel libro me ayudó mucho para madurar, para ganar confianza, y para creer que todo lo que me proponga en el futuro puedo lograrlo, incluso si parece imposible. Enfrentarme a la vida real nunca fue sencillo para mí —de hecho aún tengo complicaciones para adaptarme en ciertas circunstancias— porque yo vivía en una burbuja de irrealidad. Siempre fui el mejor en mi colegio, no sufrí fracasos y/o frustraciones, pero al salir de esa burbuja me estrellé con la realidad y psicológicamente resulté bastante afectado. En unos pocos años pasé de ser un engreído sabelotodo a un fracasado con depresión. Fue en aquella lectura que conocí a Dale Carnegie, ya que en cierto momento del texto se realiza la mención correspondiente a este autor, y por tanto, mi curiosidad me llevó a investigar y posteriormente a leer este libro. En esa ocasión tuve una buena experiencia, el libro me gustó, aprendí mucho, pero el tiempo fue haciéndome olvidar poco a poco las lecciones aprendidas. Esa es la razón de mi relectura, incluso es probable que lo vuelva a leer en el futuro: Este tipo de obras se deben retomar cada cierto periodo de tiempo para recordar lo olvidado y también para aprender lecciones nuevas que posiblemente ignoramos en nuestras lecturas previas.

Cómo ganar amigos e influir sobre las personas es una gran obra que nos ayuda a reflexionar sobre los errores que cometemos cuando tratamos a nuestro prójimo. Todo el libro está cargado de historias, frases y lecciones; bellas lecciones que por su sencillez calan hondamente en nosotros, bellas lecciones que nos hace recapacitar sobre nuestro comportamiento, nuestras palabras, y la forma como nos relacionamos con los demás. Leer esta obra sirve para darnos cuenta que las personas no somos robots, y que en todas las ocasiones donde actuamos con antipatía, grosería, y agresividad, realmente hemos tratado a las personas como basura, y nadie, absolutamente nadie se lo merece. Carnegie nos invita a comprender al prójimo, a ganarnos su confianza, a ser amables, simpáticos, y especialmente a interesarnos con genuinidad en ellos. Carnegie nos invita a ser más humanos, nos invita a madurar, nos invita a seguir el ejemplo de cientos y miles de personas que por su buena comunicación tienen grandes amigos y éxito en sus vidas. Carnegie escribió esta obra para ayudarnos a ser mejores humanos.

Como sus lecciones son prácticas y prometen buenos resultados, es recomendable no leer esta obra tan rápido, sino preferiblemente intentar practicar, poco a poco, los buenos hábitos propuestos por el autor. También es recomendable realizar muchas anotaciones porque de no hacerlo, nos perderemos las enseñanzas que en el libro aparecen, y como son tantas, entonces se vuelve una tarea imposible memorizarlas todas juntas. Si leemos esta obra como un libro normal, podríamos acabarlo en unas pocas horas, pero si deseamos emplear estos consejos en nuestra vida, lo recomendable es leer poca información en un solo día. Si desean leerlo al azar, también pueden hacerlo, no hay ningún problema con ello.

La dinámica del libro es bastante pragmática. El autor nos cuenta una historia de un vendedor, presidente, político, comerciante, etc., y como una fábula, nos deja en cada una de ellas una moraleja importante; moraleja que va fortaleciendo en las siguientes historias del mismo capítulo. Eso me ha llevado a pensar que quizás la cantidad de ejemplos pueden llegar a ser exagerados. Con dos o tres ejemplos podría ser suficiente, en mi opinión, pero cinco o seis ejemplos que refuerzan la misma idea me parece algo innecesario. Lógicamente, no todas las historias impresionan a todas las personas de igual manera, por lo que comprendo que su objetivo es presentar historias diversas, ya que se supondría que alguna tendría que ayudar al lector a reflexionar. Este tipo de historias, y forma en que son narradas, me recuerda a las que se les cuenta a los niños para que aprendan a ser puntuales, responsables, dormir temprano, etc. Son escritas de una forma tan simple, sin atacar al lector por tener fallas o errores, y se siente una paciencia y una compresión tan alta en las palabras que me hace pensar que debió ser muy agradable entablar una conversación real con este señor. Una persona que te escucha, no te juzga, es amable contigo, y a la vez te da consejos sin ofenderte, es un amigo de verdad. Si tú, que estás leyendo esto, conoces a alguien así, cuida mucho esa amistad, es difícil encontrar alguien que esté dispuesto a gastar su tiempo en ti.

Aunque no estoy de acuerdo con las lecturas obligatorias, pienso que esta obra sí debería serlo. Con tanta agresividad, odio e indiferencia, que hay por todas partes en el mundo, siento que este libro podría ayudar muchísimo a reducir la cantidad de peleas y problemas de convivencia que se viven en todos los ámbitos posibles: Trabajos, colegios, universidades, hogar, etc. No sé ustedes, pero a mí me parece tan molesto salir a caminar a la calle, con el objetivo de cambiar de ambiente, descansar, quizás meditar, y así respirar un aire más saludable, pero en vez de calmarnos resultamos llegando a nuestro destino más estresados de lo que estábamos. Tantas peleas, gritos, intolerancia, y escándalo por todas partes, es tan, pero tan molesto, que incluso pierdo las ganas de salir en muchas ocasiones. Debemos contactarnos con el mundo exterior, relacionarnos, caminar, y demás, porque somos seres sociales por naturaleza, pero a veces el escenario no ayuda mucho para motivarnos a hacerlo. Quizás si leyeran este libro por obligación no lo practicarían, seguiríamos siempre con los mismos malos hábitos, pero tal vez valdría la pena para intentar germinar la semilla de la duda en algunas personas que, a lo mejor, puede que si tengan la disposición para cambiar sus malos hábitos y actitudes. En los momentos en que se sientan furiosos, frenéticamente descontrolados, y tengan deseos de explotar violentamente sobre los demás, en esos casos, les recomiendo que primero lean un rato este libro, y si después de hacerlo aún tienen deseos de ser violentos, bien pueden terminar su cometido; pero, es probable, que su ira se reduzca mucho porque leyendo este libro comprendemos que somos tan culpables como los demás cuando una conversación se sale de control.

Cuando lees este libro sientes la curiosidad de practicar lo que te propone el autor, y lo mejor es que puedes hacerlo en cualquier situación cotidiana de tu vida: Desde hablar con un niño para que te obedezca, o hablar con tu jefe para pedirle un aumento. Este libro puede ayudarte, como su título lo dice, a influir sobre las personas, pero a pesar de ello no encontrarás consejos de cómo manipular a las personas, o aprovecharte de ellos. No. Lo que encontrarás será un libro que te hará entender que sí deseas que alguien te siga, o «te haga caso», debes preocuparte por su bienestar y no solo por el tuyo. Influir sanamente en los demás comprende un intercambio equivalente para ambas partes.

En la parte final se cuenta la vida de Dale Carnegie, y entonces es allí donde sentimos más simpatía con el autor porque comprendemos que es igual que nosotros, con sus problemas, sus sueños y dificultades, y que es un gran ejemplo a seguir porque lo que él hizo fue seguir su pasión para dedicarse de por vida a lo que siempre deseó hacer: Ser un conferencista. Es una historia muy bonita que me ha gustado mucho, la he releído varias veces —incluso en este momento mientras escribo esta reseña—, y entre más la leo más me encanta su historia de superación.

En resumen, un libro muy bueno que nos ayuda a crecer. Lo leeré varias veces a lo largo de mi vida, y de cada lectura estoy seguro que aprenderé nuevas lecciones porque aprender a tratar a los demás es un camino interminable, y muy difícil de seguir, pero intentar transitarlo vale la pena porque nos traerá grandes beneficios, no solo económicos, sino de todo tipo. Sigue estos consejos y estarás siempre rodeado de grandes amigos, sigue estos consejos y no tendrás enemigos, sigue estos consejos y nunca estarás solo, sigue estos consejos y tendrás una mano amiga que estará siempre dispuesta a ayudarte. Libro que debería ser obligatorio, por tanto es supremamente recomendado.
Profile Image for Apoorva.
164 reviews681 followers
March 13, 2019
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

‘How to win friends and influence people’ is one of the best self-help books I read in 2018. It’s a very popular book that I managed to avoid for years simply because I thought it might have cliché advice that I’d probably already know and I won’t find anything useful. Boy, was I wrong! It definitely has pieces of advice you probably have heard a million times already, from your parents, teachers or just any adult; you listen and get inspired for like 15 minutes but you don’t spend time pondering on it and it’s forgotten. I guess you need to be in a certain state of mind to absorb opinions and ideas. This book had me in that state and was able to hold my attention throughout.

One of the most important things I took away from this book was ‘Give unto others what we would have others give unto us’. Now, I know everybody knows that! We, humans, are complex creatures; we have different personalities, temperaments, motivations but when everything is taken away, there are some core values that are similar in all of us. Our actions spring from what we desire, we crave appreciation, feeling of importance, and we want to be respected and listened to. This book tells you to peer into your mind and learn about yourself.

It’s really important to get to know yourself first, to know what you like and what you don’t. In order to influence people, you need to put yourself in their shoes and approach the situation in that way. This takes tactfulness and patience. The author also makes use of wise quotes from philosophers and great people to explain his ideas, which I really liked. He also gives examples from the lives of successful people to elaborate his point and also, gives pointers on how to incorporate those pieces of advice in our daily lives. Every advice given in this book is valuable, no matter how commonplace it is. I believe this book should be a necessary read for students in school and college.

All in all, it was very informative and useful book. There were so many great advises you could use in your daily life. I believe everyone should read this book at least once in their lives because it’s really worth your time.

Read On Blog
Profile Image for Francesc.
391 reviews193 followers
December 2, 2021
Tiene mucho mérito escribir un libro así en 1936 y es absolutamente necesario ponerlo en el contexto de la época. El uso del lenguaje no está acorde a los cánones del siglo XXI, por ejemplo. Aún así, he aprendido mucho y he de decir que intentaré poner en práctica muchas de las enseñanzas que he leído. Todo es muy útil y está revestido con un ligero toque de ingenuidad.

There is much merit in writing such a book in 1936 and it is absolutely necessary to put it in the context of the time. The use of language is not in keeping with 21st century canons, for example. Still, I have learned a lot and I must say that I will try to put into practice many of the lessons I have read. It is all very useful and overlaid with a slight touch of naivety.
Profile Image for Summer.
137 reviews186 followers
October 24, 2016
This book is a life changer ! Really, I'm not making this up. This was exactly what I needed. Some things that are described in this book I realized before reading this book, but there were a lot of things I never thought about myself but are so true. I don't like conflicts and I found a lot of tips in this book about this topic..so how not to be in fights with people. Yaaay, my zen is safe! =)
Profile Image for Michael Finocchiaro.
Author 3 books5,544 followers
July 17, 2017
This was really the world's first self-help book and undoubtedly helped many people build their self-esteem. It is easy to read and its tenants are easy to follow. The one criticism that many have justly laid on it is the feeling that you are manipulating people into being your friends or accomplices (thus the "win" in the title). As such, the techniques work with a subpopulation of people you run into over the span of your life nut certainly not all of them. And true friendships are about depth and mutual respect so no techniques are required. A more appropriate use of the book is how to behave and fit in in corporate America and for that, other than losing the tie and the hat, manners and ambitions have not changed so much for the book to become irrelevant. I prefer Getting Things Done personally.
Profile Image for Jan-Maat.
1,549 reviews1,824 followers
March 16, 2018
Reading between the lines and paying attention to the biographical details you realise that Carnegie never was a successful salesman himself. Success only came late in life when he was teaching an evening school class on the topic of how to win friends and influence people. His students would share their stories about changes in thinking or attitude which had changed their lives, these then made their way in to the book. Once the book was published readers would send in their own stories which were added to later editions.

As a result the book is a collection of anecdotes, many of which have people changing their circumstances or changing their lives by changing the way they thought, but all the same you think that the unending pile of washing up featured in one story always remains an unending pile of washing up whether you enjoy it, despise it, value it or feel oppressed by it. Still, the book keys into a timeless message that you may not be able to change reality, but you can certainly change the way you think about it.

On the sinister side this is a book that celebrates positive thinking, which is to say that it ignores a realistic appraisal of the world in favour of having your cake and eating it, on one level this is a fairly harmless book on another it tends towards The Secret and the belief that others and oneself are to blame if you die when a ferry sinks, or if you are persecuted, or if you develop cancer because plainly such things only happen because you weren't positive enough . Barbara Ehrenreich discusses this all very nicely in Smile or Die.

It is only a short book and won't harm you if you give it a read, but despite the title doesn't have a lot of advice on how to win friends or influence people. A good book to lend to people with a big smile as they will suspect that you are trying to win their friendship and/or influence them the beerfree way.
Profile Image for Viraj.
124 reviews61 followers
June 30, 2008
A well written book with a lot of examples, including many of good folks from the history and many without any citation, but none-the-less seem real. The examples are written so that the message goes across well. Repetition is avoided. The stuff mentioned is pretty obvious and simple, but important and often ignored. Worth reading multiple times as the preface recommends.


PRINCIPLE 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
PRINCIPLE 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
PRINCIPLE 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
PRINCIPLE 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
PRINCIPLE 6: Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely.
110 You cannot win an argument
Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle. Don’t forget this lesson!
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will always resent your triumph and “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still…”
112 Which would you rather have, an academic theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.
Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cute the bite.
114 How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
1. Welcome the disagreement: Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
2. Distrust your first instinctive impressions: Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not at your best.
3. Control your temper: Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
4. Listen first; Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend, or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
5. Look for areas of agreement: When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
6. Be honest: Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
7. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully: and mean it! Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to adisagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
9. Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem: Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear to preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions.
Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, what the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Profile Image for Catherine.
27 reviews
November 16, 2007
This book is a guide to life. I think several people should be required to read this book at least once. Teachers, emotional teenagers, employers, employees, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors, politicians etc...

I truly found this book oddly entertaining. Although it is a self-improvement type book, I couldn't put it down. Through the examples of many famous and successful people throughout history, this book teaches us how to work with others and be nice. I sincerely believed that my ability to effectively communicate and work with other people improved exponentially through reading this book and putting what I learned into action.

I love this book and am going to require that my children read it before they get a job, a drivers' license, or a date.

Profile Image for Daron.
Author 5 books67 followers
August 23, 2008
Sometimes I felt this book was a bit too . . . "used-car-salesmanshippy". There are some good ideas in it, but there are also some things which felt like they were extremely disingenuous. I don't like FAKE people. There are some ideas in here which are quite fake.
Profile Image for James.
117 reviews48 followers
March 15, 2009
Why did I read this book?

We’ve all heard of it. But none of us have ever really read it.

And I know why. It was originally published in 1936. How can it possibly be relevant in 2009?

Plus these types of advice, self-help, new-agey textbooks reek of banal, trite, clichéd, stereotypical drivel. We’re too good for that. They seem a little cheesy at least. They’re all like The Secret, right?

We don’t want to sip on watered down hotel iced tea and listen to Zig Ziglar. We want to take a toke of a high-grade sativa strain and listen to some Creedence tapes!

Regardless of my skepticism and cynicism, I found How to Win Friends and Influence People to be extremely applicable and relevant.

First of all, a note on the title: “How to Win Friends” is not accurate. It’s not at all about winning friends in the sense that we modern youths would consider a friend. Carnegie seems “how to win friends” to mean the “accumulation of calculated, beneficial relationships.”

I feel very strongly that “friends” are the people we can be dicks to, the people we can get drunk with, yell at, act stupid, and not have to worry about the third of six ways to make people like you (remember their name). Everyone else? Everyone else you’re actually nice to (bosses, co-workers, certain family members, people you pass on the street) are not friends. Friends are the people you can tell to fuck off and they’ll still drive you to the airport at 6am the next day. This book is how to deal with everyone else with seemingly-obvious principles such as smile, be a good listener, talk in terms of other people’s interests, and make the other person feel important.

So friends, not so much. But how to influence people, yes.

Carnegie’s seminal work is packed full of anecdotal evidence illuminating the principle of each chapter and reinforced with a healthy peppering of Emerson quotes:

“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

Though written in 1936, HTWFAIF is refreshingly relevant in a modern age marked by the dichotomy between incredible scientific accomplishments, brilliant discoveries, understanding, knowledge, curiosity, but yet a stunted ability to talk and peacefully coexist with those we disagree.

Take, for instance, Carnegie’s encouragement to dramatize your intentions in order for them to be recognized and accepted:

“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.”

And on the eighth day, God created cable news.

Carnegie thwarts our skepticism about the nobility of his intentions and promises that he is no self-help scammer, a Kevin Trudeau, Carnegie promises, he is not:

“The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.”

And for the most part, I have to agree with Carnegie. I like this book. Its advice and suggestions are totally useful and effective. We tend to consider ourselves living in grim times, what with the wars, crumbling economy, job losses, and uncertain future, why not have a little possitivity and engaged enthusiasm for our fellow man?

And Carnegie even foretold a danger in our current time. He warns us of Obama:

“The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.”

Uh oh.
Profile Image for Vui Lên.
Author 1 book2,388 followers
May 8, 2020
2.5 *

Phen này mà không được 20 bạn donate booktalk chắc tui bỏ sự nghiệp phân tích sách luôn quá.

Dù sự nghiệp mới có nhú lên chút xíu.

Phải rất nỗ lực, đánh lạc hướng bản thân, kiên nhẫn lắm mới đọc xong được cuốn này để ngày mai làm Lật sách.

Ôi hỡi ôi, bán chạy nhất thế giới...
Profile Image for Mike &#x1f1e8;&#x1f1f1; X.
31 reviews12 followers
February 26, 2023
5/5 🌟 Sin dudas una joya de libro, ideal para potenciar o desarrollar tus habilidades blandas, un libro corto pero con un gran potencial para tu vida si aplicas lo enseñado! 👌
Es de esos libros que cambia tu vida!
Profile Image for BookCrazyBaldy Ammit P  Chawda.
69 reviews16 followers
December 12, 2021
4.0 ⭐


This book was published in 1936 which makes it quite a old book to read, the author has made a good attempt in explaining how you can actually win friends and influence people with the help of Stories, examples and quotes.

Altough I had too much of high expectations from this book however the points discussed in the book did convince to a great extent what are the important factors to influence the opposite person, I personally facing a lot of issues in relationships due to the bluntness in my speech was able to find answers to a certain extent.

Well it's a self help book at the end of the day, this book shall suit your cause unless and until you honestly accept your shortcomings and practice what has been preached in this book on your surroundings.

Thank you 😊
Profile Image for Aesaan.
132 reviews75 followers
November 30, 2020
Great book!
I think this book really holds up even today, being originally written in 1939, that's almost a century old and still very much relevant. It's a fundamental book on human behaviour, how we function and its really helpful.
“Once I did bad and that I heard ever.
Twice I did good, but that I heard never.”
Now it has its problems, for instance, an argument can be made whereby this book promotes fake relationships, or it may sound so. However, that depends on how you interpret this book. It's not meant for trickery, rather it promotes kindness and good social skills. How you use it depends entirely on you (the reader).
“Winning friends begins with friendliness.”
Profile Image for Tharindu Dissanayake.
283 reviews506 followers
February 22, 2020
I've heard, I wash told, I have read how amazing 'The Book' of Dale Carnegie for years and always wanted to read it. And I finally did. And it came nothing short of living up to the world class reputation it has. Mr. Carnegie explains the concepts behind influencing people, not as a bag of tricks, but as a true way of life. All the chapters contain highly self-explanatory examples to help readers understand each principle. In my opinion, this is one of the books one must read in his or her lifetime, preferably at the earliest.
Profile Image for Roya.
192 reviews378 followers
May 7, 2016
As most of you know this is not the type of book I normally reach for, so it should be no surprise that my dad recommended it. He's a huge fan, so for whatever reason I decided to give it a shot. This is by no means a bad book, but since we're on the topic, I'll mention the cons first. I skimmed through the latter half of this book today. The first half took me over a month. This isn't boring per se, I just happen to have the attention span of your average Millennial. I have the worst patience (as in non-existent) to boot. If I'm not constantly entertained by something and it takes longer than ten seconds, I get irritable. This book was full of real life examples. Whenever you thought it would finish, another would come.

A lot of the principles are obvious, but let's be honest. Am I going to apply any of them to my life? Nope.

The thing is, I don't want to win friends and influence people. I want to avoid people and take long solitary walks. I don't want to influence anyone because I am a bad influence. My tactic for gaining friends is very simple.

Stage 1: Hiss and moan when anyone shows interest in you, but silently be flattered. Never show interest in anyone. That's antisocial suicide.
Stage 2: Go into asshole mode - make snide remarks, but be nice enough so the person will let you keep making snide remarks.
Stage 3: Have no tact or diplomacy because that means you're lying and possibly weak.
Stage 4: Finally decide you may like them and go into nice-but-hyper-and-distracted mode. NB, this does not occur during shark week.
Stage 5: Fluctuate constantly and be a burden forever. Cut ties with anyone who slightly irritates you because you believe in minimalism in all things.

This method works wonders and leaves me nearly friendless. How I influence people is slightly more corrupt so I won't go into that. In the end there's not many wonderful things I can say about this book. Still, I don't feel like it's bad. It's just not for me personally.

Profile Image for مريم عادل.
174 reviews10 followers
May 10, 2018
خرجت منه ببعض النصائح العملية الجيدة، لكنه سطح�� في بعض أقسامه ومحتواه مألوف إلى حد كبير
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