You Belong: A Call for Connection

by Sebene Selassie

From much-admired meditation expert and Western Buddhist thought leader, You Belong is a social and spiritual call to action, exploring our tangled relationship with belonging, connection, and each other

To belong is to experience joy and freedom in any moment: to feel pleasure, dance in public, accept death, forgive what seems unforgiveable, and extend kindness to yourself and others (note: sometimes what’s kind looks fierce). Even in these times of polarization and planetary crisis, belonging is possible. In fact, belonging is our only way forward. Full of practical wisdom and profound revelations, YOU BELONG makes a winning case for resisting the forces that demand separation and reclaiming the connection—and belonging—that have been ours all along.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Spirituality, Buddhism, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health

256 pages, Hardcover

First published August 25, 2020

About the author

Sebene Selassie is a teacher, author and speaker who explores the themes of belonging and identity through meditation, creativity and spirituality. She is a much admired teacher on the Ten Percent Happier meditation app.

Born in Ethiopia and raised in Washington DC, Sebene began studying Buddhism 30 years ago as an undergraduate at McGill University where she majored in Comparative Religious Studies. She has an MA from the New School where she focused on race and cultural studies.

For over 20 years Sebene worked with children, youth, and families nationally and internationally for small and large not-for-profits. Her work has taken her everywhere from the Tenderloin in San Francisco to refugee camps in Guinea, West Africa. A strong believer in the power of arts-based learning, she has planned, coordinated, and taught a variety of creative programs including intergenerational photography, digital storytelling, and youth media.

Sebene is a three-time cancer survivor of Stage III and IV cancer.

Reviews

[cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

this feels like the love child of radical acceptance by tara brach and pleasure activism by adrienne maree brown, which i very much appreciated

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Catching up…

This will not be a typical book review. It is more like a feeling felt after reading a book that touches readers deeply. At least that is what happened for me when I read it.

This is what she said.

“You belong. Everywhere. Yes, you – with all your history, anxiety, pain. Yes, everywhere – in every culture, community, circumstance. You belong in this body. You belong in this very moment. You belong in this breath…and this one. You have always belonged.”

Sebene Selassie was sharing this in her book. It is as if we need to have someone tell us a few times just how important we are, because sometimes we forget. Yes? This life. This present moment. This complicated, messy time. You are Here. Now. Important. To me. To us. To everyone. You belong.

Maybe that is what we need. Reminders like this. From books like this.

“You belong in this world just as much as anyone else. No matter how others see you, or how you see yourself.” – Morgan Harper-Nich’Ols

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

You Belong is an affirmation of all our place in the world. Maybe even the universe. It is a lovely mix of personal and instructive (which is always rooted for her in the personal--the way I like it).

Everything we are, everything we feel has its place. It all belongs. "You are perfect the way you are" but also "you could use a little improvement." And Selassie has suggestions for ways in which we can improve, beginning, of course, with meditation. Also grounding ourselves in our bodies, limiting our use of tech and connecting with a community.

Selassie's tone is honest and warm. By describing her own particular challenges (such as being a 4 time cancer survivor as well as her own particular hang-ups and mis-steps) she shows how mindfulness can be rooted in daily life in our own special weird and wonderful ways.

There is an appendix at the back of the book with suggestions about meditation practice and journal prompts that I found helpful.

This is, of course, a book meant to be used as well as simply read. It is another one of what I think of as companion books: books that keep me company as I fumble my way through this often confusing and sometimes very dark world.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sebene is one of my favorite teachers on the Ten Percent Happier app so I was excited to read this book. It did not disappoint. I listened to the audiobook, as read by the author, and I enjoyed listening to it in her voice, but feel like I need a hard copy to underline and ponder. Sebene presented some Buddhist teachings in ways I'd never thought of them before. I'm a newbie meditator who has just dipped her toe in Buddhism, so take this all with a grain of salt. The idea that we should know ourselves better to feel a sense of belonging seemed counter to teachings I've heard about non-being and non-self. She finds truth in paradoxes and gives the reader (me!) so much to think about. The audiobook comes with a PDF of journal prompts, which I plan to dig into.

[Christianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful book from one of my favorite mediation teachers. I would recommend it for people who are both new to mindfulness and for long time practitioners. I would especially recommend it for POC because her excellent treatment of the ways racism and capitalism thwart connection.

She covers a lot of ground in a short book and so sometimes I felt a lot of big ideas were not given enough space. I do like her writing style, which is sometimes very touching and sometimes playful.

Because she has been treated for breast cancer, as have I, I appreciated her openness about her experience and the ways she coped. Her sharing is a gift.

I received an ARC from Harper One.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe that every book finds you when you need it, whether you are looking or not. This book, You Belong, will find you and remind you of the many ways that we are disconnected and connected. I wish that we weren’t living in this crazy time where there are so many forces that throw us apart, but here is something, this book, that will center us. I highly recommend the audio version, read by the author in a very calming and reassuring voice.

[Megan Rosol · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite book of the year on navigating social and personal changes through meditation, mindfulness practice, and compassion. A wonderful book filled with wisdom, humor, insight and hope.
Sebene Selassie describes herself on the cover as “nerdy, black, immigrant, tomboy, Buddhist, weirdo," which made me pick up her book and I'm grateful that I did.

[Ruby Grad · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Full disclosure: I know the author personally and have always appreciated her as a warm, loving human being)
You Belong: A Call for Connection calls for us to examine how we live our lives and whether we live in connection of disconnection with nature and especially with ourselves. We've all been in situations in which we've felt we didn't belong, some of us more than others. As someone who grew up "different," I deeply appreciated how the author shows time and again that the belief of not belonging is one that is inside of us and one that we can change. She gives workable practices for changing that belief. I especially appreciated how she shares her own experiences and the lessons she draws from them. She has been through quite a lot and shares it freely, creating an intimacy with the reader and a sense of acceptance of us just as we are. What she shares is compassion and love for all beings and all nature.

[Nadine in California · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this with my Buddhist Book Group and it's given us two sessions worth of terrific discussion. Although Selassie has been a meditation practitioner and teacher for many years, she offers wisdom with humor and humility, making the book engaging, practical and enlightening. Her thoughts are grounded in her lived experience (many challenges) and multidisciplinary research. If you're a relatively new meditator (like me) it's a great chance to see inside the head of someone who has been doing it for decades under all kinds of conditions. I took a ton of notes, but I don't want to include quotes here because without the whole context of the book, they could sound like platitudes, which they aren't. The two-word title is a spoiler; the rest of the book explains it. Which is typical of Selassie's sense of humor :)

[Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read. It's packed with so many thought-provoking ideas, I kept pausing to let my thoughts wander and wanted to underline and write all over the margins. Feels current and very relevant.

[Misty Galbraith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went crazy on the highlights of this fabulous book! I want to spend some time going back over each section because there are so many valuable ideas and concepts embedded in this book that can be applied to so many areas of life from personal growth to parenting, or relationships, or teaching… etc. It’s a radical approach to uniting and healing our society and ourselves.

[Mimi Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d give it 100 stars if I could. A beautiful book of trusting your roots & growing from there. If you’re looking for a book to ground you & inspire you; this is it. Thank you Sebene! ❤️

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so powerful and eye opening. So much hope, guidance and research. The final story in it is so beautiful and inspiring on what our world has the capacity to be. I am excited to read it again and again!

[Ariana · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5, rounding up.

I really loved this book & look forward to exploring more of this Buddhist teacher’s offerings.

[Ike Stevens · Rating 3 out of 5]

My therapist recommended this book to me. She knows me pretty well I guess because I cried during the introduction lol. The central message of the book moves me deeply. Love it. We all belong. Connectedness. Connection. But for me the book kinda tapered off and was pretty bland in the second half. But maybe I'm just saying that because that's what my therapist thought.

[Sabin Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOK I HAVE READ IN YEARS.
There is a proverb that says, “when the student is ready the teacher will appear.” I’m ready and in my readiness, I casually opened the fall 2020 issue of Mindful Magazine and the teacher appeared in all her beautiful splendor (and the coolest of names). Then I purchased You Belong and on the cover Sebene Selassie describes herself as “nerdy, black, immigrant, tomboy, Buddhist, weirdo” which made me feel like “my peoples!✊🏾” Then I started reading and You Belong has proven to be a milestone in my life’s evolution. Most remarkably, the mindfulness teaching that addresses racism and its evil roots as well as other forms of “otherness”. My first experience feeling included in the lesson which proves that the book���s title is true.
One often shared anecdote is:
“Although we are not one, we are not separate. And although we are not separate, we are not the same.”
Yep, the teacher has appeared 🤗

[Alexia]

Some lovely ideas

Paradoxes - one + everything
Domination - you think you are thinking your own thoughts but they are the cultures
Know yourself - Axle metaphor, if you are the hole for the axle + the fit is bad the journey will be bumpy even if the road is smooth
Knowing yourself allows you to embrace your shadow & forget yourself
Self work is - you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are....and you do with a little tweek/improvement
Belonging to yourself
Grounding techniques with elements of fire, water, wind, earth
Belonging in terms of those in the centre of concentric circles & those on the outer
Skin colour and white supremacy
Cultural appropriation - misappropriation
Being from belonging in community
Tips for journaling
Culture of science
Acknowledging historical owners of land
Acknowledging the cultural homes of our spiritual practices

[Sara Zia · Rating 5 out of 5]

[4.5 stars] At first I was a bit dismissive of the book because of some internalized story of how “I already know this” and maybe it was just more of an “intro” book. But I’m so glad I checked myself and kept going because it actually was a moving and resonant gem of wisdom and exactly the reminders I needed in this moment.

[Viki Sonntag · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very much appreciate her integrating an understanding of how the delusion of separation shows up as racism and hierarchies and how that perpetuates suffering all round.

[Jeri Rowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I channeled my friend Philip with Sebene Selassie's "You Belong." Philip is a retired high school teacher, and he's mentioned to me he buys books to support the author. But he also buys books that really stoke his curiosity. And for me, Selassie's book fit that bill.

I heard her interviewed on a recent episode of Dan Harris' podcast "Ten Percent Happier," one of my must-listens every week. She was funny, insightful, and she calls herself a "nerby black immigrant tomboy buddhist weirdo." I was like, 'What?' So, when she mentioned her book, "You Belong," I thought I'd be like Philip.

In "You Belong," Selassie uses her whole life as a lens to look at how Buddhism and meditation has transformed her life. And it has. She has studied Buddhism for more than 30 years, and she's been a meditation teacher for more than a decade. Meanwhile, she teaches worships and leads retreats everywhere. She digs into all that "You Belong." She shares stories from her own life and what she's seen and felt. She also gives practical tips on meditation and unveils her own revelations on life that prompt you to go, "What a minute ... hmmm. OK .... Nice."

Love that in a book. For example, she writes:

"If we decide not to see difference, we end up negating people's stories and their lives. We are human. We use language to understand our reality. Language begets stories. And stories are how we make sense of anything."

Or ...

"We are not practicing to become good meditators. We are practicing to bring more awareness into our life. Staying connected to the body and the ground anchors us in any moment; we feel a sense of belonging."

Or ...

"Making space for ourselves is possible if we prioritize its importance, if we don't get trapped in constantly doing. When I first heard the phrase 'the pathology of productivity' from coach Chela Davison, I recognized in its the anxious fuel for so much in my life. I can still get caught in the loops of grasping connected to worrying, changing, solving, fixing, planning, gettting, achieving, attaining ... Even after weeks of quarantining, there is still the impulse of doing. If I think everything out, every moment of the day -- if I am constantly doing -- everytingh will finally be okay. Besides being impossible, it prevents true connection."

Man, did I pencil in stars and exclamation marks around that passage. That's what I like about buying a book. It turns into an intellectual playground. I write in the margins. I underline sentences. I draw arrows to and from words or phrases. Or simply star it up and write something profound like "Yeah!"

What initially got me interested in "You Belong" was my own personal journey with meditation. Seven years ago, I started meditating 10 minutes every morning after being encouraged by a friend of mine, a wellness director at a North Carolina university. My meditation practice has now turned into a early-morning routine. Has it helped? Hmmmm, yeah.

When I talk to college students every semester about the craft of journalism, I start class by having them do a breathing exercise I discovered through meditation. I use the breathing practice as a way to slow them down so they can focus and understand the importance of plugging in and being present with whoever they interview. They make think it's a bit 'woo-woo.' But it does get their attention and has them paying atetntion.

Now, back to "You Belong."

So, was it worth the read? Yeah. I'd give it 3 1/2 stars. She got a bit lost in the weeds at times in her storytelling. Yet, the gems I found were worth it. All you have to do is look at my copy. It is all kind of marked up.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book and so thought provoking. It's pretty Buddhist but my take is you don't have to be a Buddhist to get what she's talking about or connect with the material. There's so much to think about and she presents the different areas of discussion in really compelling ways and is incredibly honest about her own life. I really connected. Will be thinking about this for a while.

[Greg · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I read a fair amount of mindfulness works. This one really sticks out in a good way. Very accessible and relatable. Sebene really DOES understand connection and it comes through in her writing style. Her perspectives as a black woman of Ethiopian heritage and a multiple time cancer survivor only make her more relatable in a way that proves the thesis of her book. We are all connected, but we are all independent also.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Affirming our place in the world. Human being >>>>>>>>>>>> human doing.

[Holly Briquelet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes a book comes into your life at the EXACT moment you need it most and I am incredibly thankful for that experience today; like many I’ve been wrestling with some challenging feelings these past few days (weeks?months?😅) and questioning what I thought I knew to be true about the world and my place in it...I woke up early today to start reading this new book from one of my favorite meditation teachers Sebene Selassie (“Nerdy Black Immigrant Tomboy Buddhist Weirdo”💗) and could not stop; I just finished with tears streaming down my face and look forward to diving back in and digesting this powerful and beautiful book again more slowly to continue to learn and understand the history of separation in our world and how we can heal. How could our world change if we fully embraced the fundamental truth that we are all connected and WE ALL BELONG??❤️🌎

[Loretta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read pieces of this in association with a two year course I was taking. During and after that course I had the opportunity to learn from the author directly both via zoom and at an in person retreat. This is a lovely, wise book and she is a lovely wise teacher. Highly recommend.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A handful of beautiful passages. But not enough to sustain the book.

[Kristine · Rating 3 out of 5]

A perfect combination of suggestions and ideas to ponder, the author's experiences (which make everything else in the book more relevant), and excerpts from other practitioners. I felt challenged and acknowledged. The Journal Prompts appendix presented new ways for me to express myself in my daily journal writing. The author opening herself to readers was a precious gift and I am grateful. Hah...as I am also grateful for my aging body, my kind spirit, and my openness to keep learning.

[Issa · Rating 3 out of 5]

"You think you're thinking your thoughts. You are not. You are thinking the culture's thoughts."
-Krishnamurti

For a book that talks about belonging, it made me — an international reader — feel excluded from its narrative. It is too American-centric. I'd say this book is 40% about race (in America), 25% about the author's immigrant experience, 15% about Buddhism, 10% about the author's cancer diagnosis and aspects of her life, and the remaining 10% the things you're actually waiting to hear.

The first chapter was compelling. Sebene Selassie says race, gender, class, sexual orientation, ability, religion, ethnicity, culture, size, politics, profession, lifestyle, etc., are false barriers to belonging. But then she moved on to exclusively talk about these things and occasionally herself, or more accurately, she talks about these things through the lens of her experience as a "Black Immigrant Tomboy Buddhist Weirdo" (as it says on the book cover).

I think the thing with self-help books is that we are merely waiting for them to tell us something we want to hear or already know. And as much as we want to know a bit about the author, what we really want to hear about is ourselves (this is "self-help," after all). Also, this book wasn't marketed as a biography, so I felt restless and disappointed with what I deemed to be the author's self-indulgent introspections and abstracted navel-gazing.

I agree with most of Selassie's thoughts and sentiments, e.g., on colonized mindsets and cultural appropriation. It was also interesting to learn specific statistical details, e.g., Black female doctors prevented from attending to patients on Delta flights because flight attendants don't believe they're doctors, even after showing their medical licenses, etc.

Selassie also gives a fresh perspective on meditation. She says the problem with mindfulness is we put the word "mind" in it. As a result, many think meditation centers on the mind, or the head, brain, and thoughts, when in fact, it is something that integrates the body. Meditation is embodied awareness.

According to the book, the heart of not belonging is "the delusion of separation." It is the belief that you are separate from other people, beings, and nature itself. You are not separate, says Selassie. You never were. You never will be. You belong to everything, but first, you must belong to yourself. You belong in your body, including its pain, its "wrongs," and "faults."

Although we are not one, we are not separate. And although we are not separate, we are not the same.

I neither hate nor love the book. I just wish it made its target readers clearer. This comes highly recommended for "Black Immigrant Tomboy Buddhist Weirdos," but if you lack all or one of these descriptions, it's a hit-or-miss. Most probably, you'll just be waiting for the author to get to the point or wondering if this book will ever be relevant to you. But I hope other readers will find something to love about it. 3.5 ★彡.

[Susan Jolly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I Be to Long - I Belong. What a profound thought. While I do not agree with all the beliefs of this author, there were several great takeaways that I will explore further.

1) As a person into genealogy research, the concept of each person being affected both genetically and by their ancestors' life experiences for 7 generations seems like a plausible theory.

2) We need to slow down and just BE.

3) How to meditate tips

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me much longer than expected to read this book. I would pick it up, read a bit, put it down, and read something else. I think I just had to let my mind absorb what she was saying. It often seems simple but carried deep wisdom.

I like Sebene’s often self deprecating, humorous style. I will likely pick it up and read parts again.