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176 pages, Hardcover
First published February 4, 2019
It comforted me to think that even if you sometimes have memory gaps, all the details of your life are written somewhere in invisible ink.
Trying to bring my research up to date, I get a very strange feeling. It’s as if all this was already written in invisible ink. How does the dictionary define it? “Ink, colorless when first used, that darkens when treated with a given substance.” Perhaps, at the turn of a page, what was set down in invisible ink will gradually emerge, and the questions I’ve been asking myself for so long about Noëlle Lefebvre’s disappearance, as well as the reason I’ve been asking myself those questions, will be resolved with the precision and clarity of a police report. In a neat hand that looks like mine, explanations will be provided in minutest detail, the mysteries cleared up. And perhaps this will allow me, once and for all, to better understand myself.
If I continue to write this book, it’s only in the possibly vain hope of finding an answer. I wonder — must I really find an answer? I’m afraid that once you have all the answers, your life closes in on you like a trap, with the clank of keys in a prison cell. Wouldn’t it be better to leave empty lots around you, into which you can escape?
There are blanks in a life, but also sometimes what they call a refrain. For periods of varying length, you don’t hear this refrain, as if you’ve forgotten it. And then one day, it comes back to you unbidden, when you’re alone and there are no distractions. It comes back, like the words of a children’s song that still has a hold on you.