Knot Body

by Eli Tareq El Bechelany-Lynch

Poetry. Literary Nonfiction. Middle Eastern Studies. LGBTQIA Studies. Disability Studies. Bringing together poetry, essay, and letters to "lovers, friends and in-betweens," Eli Tareq Bechelany-Lynch confronts the ways capitalism, fatphobia, ableism, transness, and racializations affect people with chronic pain, illness, and disability. Knot Body explores what it means to discover the limits of your body, and contends with what those limitations bring up in the world we live in.

Genres: Poetry, Disability, Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Memoir, Transgender

108 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2020

About the author

Eli Tareq El Bechelany-Lynch is a queer Arab poet living in Tio'tia:ke, unceded Kanien'kehá:ka territory. Their work has appeared in The Best Canadian Poetry 2018 anthology, GUTS, Carte Blanche, the Shade Journal, The New Quarterly, Arc Poetry Magazine, and elsewhere. They were longlisted for the CBC poetry prize in 2019. You can find them on Instagram and Twitter @theonlyelitareq. Their book knot body was published by Metatron Press in September 2020. The Good Arabs is their second poetry collection.

Reviews

[Alanna Why · Rating 5 out of 5]

“When was the last time you had the luxury of forgetting about your body?”

Eli Tareq El Bechelany-Lynch is a queer Arab poet whose first book, Knot Body, was just published by Metatron Press, a Montreal small press known for their short, experimental chapbooks by millennial writers and poets. This book has been getting quite a bit of buzz and the quality of the writing lives up to it. A hybrid work, Knot Body combines poetry, letters and one essay, which all take on the subject of what it means to live in a body with chronic pain that is also subjected to racism, fatphobia and transphobia. I really loved how intimate the letters in the book felt to read, but I was particularly blown away by the poems “Betsy” and “holding the b0dy.” Recommended if you are into contemporary poetry and hybrid-genres.

[Kiki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has my whole heart. Review to come.

[Lizramona · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t quite enjoy the poetry but the essays at the end totally redeemed the entire experience. Regardless though, this is a very timely and personal interrogation on what it means to live with chronic pain in a capitalist and patriarchal society.

The author’s lived experience helps illuminate the gaps in our healthcare system which only exacerbate inaccessibility, by basing care and diagnosis on primarily white, cisgender, and able bodies.

This provides a firm case and call for a healthcare system that is rooted in harm reduction rather than cure, as this is theorized to help disabled people navigate a capitalist and post-capitalist society where non-white, queer, and disabled folk are viewed not as commodities, but as dignified human beings with individual abilities.

[Mo · Rating 4 out of 5]

My partner and I read Knot Body aloud to each other in bed over three days and shared many sleepy chuckles, the occasional big teary exhale, and frequent hmmms and ah-has. Eli’s letters present a voice that is both personal and worldly; a voice that inspires a deeper compassion for the self and other and encourages reflection on the intersections of privilege vs. oppression in the worlds of queerness and chronic pain. Another gem from metatron press.

[Micha · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has a hard time navigating medical systems because of transness, this book was really affirming. I learned a lot about other’s experiences and really enjoyed the writing. :)

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes my hands turn into claws and the ache stops me from texting. Know then that I still love you. Maybe call me? Maybe wait a little longer? Sometimes I will text you through the pain and I promise that is sacrificial love. I’m not saying it’s right. But is love right or wrong?

(from “[Dear friends, lovers, and in-betweens]”)

I tell you, I need space, but boundaries are hard to press down onto, put into place, spread apart. If I tell you I don’t want to have sex, will you tell me it’s okay? The vampire in me draws you in, but as soon as I have you, I don’t know what to do with you. The only way I know desire is to watch you salivate over me, as I smell the blood moving forcefully through your veins.

(from “[Dear friends, lovers, and in-betweens]”)


when i research trans people and fibromyalgia, or trans people and chronic pain, no matter how many times I look, the answers are few and far between, the google search coming up empty, and I check each day, hoping for different answers, new studies, hoping today is the day new research comes out to corroborate my own theories, but it never does.

& and we are reduced to our hormones, the gender assigned at birth, the female or male of it all & I’m not talking about forgetting biology but the cis-centric story of it all is that women have pain & men don’t, the cis-centric of it all is that women are weak & men are not, the cis-centric of it is old stories we tell ourselves over & over, first through religion & then through science, the new immovable frontier.

am I a reliable source if the ache of my body tells me a story truer than any I’ve read?

[Tya C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

“When was the last time you had the luxury of forgetting about your body?”

As a person with chronic pain this book resonated with me & made me feel like I’m not alone in my struggle.

My only complaint is a formatting problem. I’m not sure if it was a mistake or if it was an artistic choice, but in the Kindle edition, a lot of the words are scrunched together making them harder to read. But, I was able to read them, even though it took more effort, so it didn’t take away from my experience with the book.

I don’t have much to say other than how much this book spoke to my experience with chronic pain and also introduced me to new experiences as well. Here are some of my favorite quotes (besides my favorite quote which is the opening line to this review):

“I’ve always looked at books for salvation, a departure from my body to another in movement, in love, in action, in difference, in change.”

*if you ever wonder why I read books, THIS is why!

“If I could look at the inside of my body, I would. I might even show you. Is the rotting pain in my stomach actually visible as it flinches, jerks, pinches, needles? The writhing pain in my back that won’t stop twitching, what’s that look like from the inside? My joints, are they actually the way I imagine them, lacking enough fluid between them, the bones just clashing against each other, bone damaging bone, two files whittling each other down?”

“I want to honour those, like me, forced to slow down by the occurrence of chronic pain, by the occurrence of fatigue, by the reminder of a body not made to survive through capitalism. I want to honour all those surviving in the best ways they can. I want to honour all those challenging the ways we are told to live. I want to tell you all, I believe you.”

[Logan]

I don’t think I can rate this one. Advertised as a poetry collection, this is really more a series of letters with a couple poems thrown in, but I suppose “collection of letters” is harder to market than putting this in the poetry genre. Regardless, the experiences of the author hit incredibly close to home for me, to the point that I find it difficult to organize my thoughts and feelings regarding the book. Instead, I will include two quotes from the final letter in the book, the letter that resonated the most with me.

Please know that when I am in bed, I am thinking of you. Not in a sexy way, unless that’s what we’ve decided. Some sometimes in a sexy way, but mostly in a missing way. I always miss you, no matter how close or far you are…I think I look at my phone too much but mostly it’s to remember you.

I just…Chronic pain means missing people, experiences, and memories. But the missing my friends, and the knowing my friends are just a text away, even when I’m bedridden, that helps me get through it.

If you are my mom, stop reading now. If you are my friend, do as you please. The bed is my favourite site for pain. For pleasure. For both. When I’m always in pain, it might be a surprise that I want someone to fuck me so hard it aches? The ways I control my pain are the most delicious.

There is no overall summary for my opinion of this collection, because I cannot identify my feelings regarding it, nor do I particularly want to. A worthwhile read for someone experiencing chronic pain or for someone who has a loved one with chronic pain.

[Adrian · Rating 5 out of 5]

adjacent to folks who have various of these life experiences and maybe loved is a weird word but loved reading this because it expresses what it is and how sometimes you just need to be and also it's poetry, but (mostly) in letters?

[Sam - Spines in a Line · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to Metatron Press for an ARC! Full review to come

[breanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5

[Asia Cook · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not big in poetry, but for what it was worth I enjoyed it. I had to read it for my English class and I think it was a good choice!

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written like its to a close friend (epistolary, it is!) it is about pain and difference, being in a body, and making art in a world that isn't made for such.

[Rebecca Montague · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting perspective of chronic illness, gender, and existing in a world not built for you. Incredibly well written and visually interesting. Will definitely be rereading this.

[Alix · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't even know what to say about this I loved the concept but it was quite confusing on some parts

[kenj · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved every page of this book. It is thoughtful and reflective of my own experiences of pain and illness but is new and insightful for offering experiences I and many overlook. Beautifully written, inviting, and still challenging. A new favourite!