I think you need to read this book. It’s not urgent, anytime over the next couple of weeks will do fine. I was thinking while I was reading this of Bad Science (which you should also read, not least since the jokes are much better), but the advantage of this book is that it is written by people who are (how do I put this in a way so as not to hurt their feelings?) relatively dull. Dull, it’s true, but systematic (or do I repeat myself?) And so, they present the seemingly endless ways we can have bullshit served up to us in ways that feel very comprehensive. And then they go about teaching us all the ways we can train ourselves to notice. (You know, “Hang on – this smells like bullshit…”)
I want to start by assuring you this isn’t the book I thought it was going to be. When I started reading it, I was expecting it to suddenly become something a little like: “One of the major problems people face in statistical analysis is in confusing the simple binomial with the chi-square test” (at this point I was expecting the book to then take a quick digression of three or so pages of impenetrable differential equations). Then I was expecting the authors to say “As you can see, and this as should be obvious to even the most boneheaded layperson, you simply can’t perform a t-test on a non-normally distributed key variable integrated Howard’s Disappointment ratio, not unless the effect size is under 0.4 and the products of the remainders have been divided by log e….”
I was so afraid that this book would turn into one of those books that I literally flicked through the pages before buying it with an expression on my face as if, at any moment, one of those pages would set off the mathematical equivalent of a landmine.
This never happened. In fact, the book expects you to know nothing of statistics at all. Better still, it leaves you with almost as much knowledge of statistics as you started with. If you are after a ‘how to statistics while winning friends and influencing people’ book, this isn’t it. Rather, this book explains that the black boxes of statistical analysis can remain mostly obscure to you, and even so, you can still spot bullshit. Spotting bullshit is described as much more of an attitude of mind, than the clever application of an obscure statistical method. It has as much to do with checking sources and thinking through the implications of what you’ve been told, than it does in finding ways to spot the right statistical analysis to run on the data. And this is a lucky thing. Not just because you might not choose the right statistical function, but rather because you probably are never going to be given the actual data anyway, just the conclusion. And as they say repeatedly throughout, there’s more than enough bullshit out there for all of us. And they’re not just talking of the over-the-top, QAnon (hey, I just ordered for a small Margaretta and now Hillary Clinton has turned up with a 7-year-old in lingerie) type bullshit. There’s lots of bullshit that sounds and looks and feels completely reasonable. And the authors here give you tools and loads of examples to spot just that.
Who amongst us is without sin? And I’m not just asking for a friend. We’ve all shared something on the internet that we regret. Especially when we realise with a rush of all-too-rare self-awareness, that the reason we posted it was because it appealed more to our prejudices than to our reason. This is inevitable. And this is also one of the things the authors repeatedly warn us we need to worry about. They quote Neil Postman saying that the person most likely to fool you is yourself. Confirmation bias is our number one, very favourite flavour of bias. So, finding ways to trip ourselves up before we start accepting as true the latest factoid that proves that all those bastards from the other side are selfish, nasty hypocrites is essential. We need to take time to pause. Although, that is easier said than done, obviously. But I’ve said it now, so, all good.
One of my favourite bits of this book – and it is clearly among the authors’ favourite bits too, since they repeat it so often – is the idea that ‘if it seems too good or too bad to be true, it probably is’. This is a strikingly useful test – but one that is insanely difficult to use. This is because it has to overcome the ‘I bloody well knew it’ response. And speaking for myself, a team of wild horses is often not enough to drag me away from a factoid that confirms what I’ve always known to be true. You might think you are holier than me on this – I just have to say that from my own experience on social media, I am going to need some pretty strong proof from you on that.
While they were quoting Postman, I think it would have been nice if they had also quoted one of his explanations for why we are drowning in quite so much bullshit. And that is that a lot of bullshit comes down to us from things that really don’t matter in our lives at all, but that we have been made to believe we are deeply interested in. For example, a recent story has it that Melania Trump has a body double and that it was this double who was out and about campaigning with Donald during the election campaign. Even if this story was 100% verifiable, hand on Bible, true, and even if tomorrow video emerged of an actress named Jane Smithers, or something, pulling on a Melania-type dress and fake boobs – what possible difference could it make to any of our lives? It would just be one more crazy thing that happened in the Trump White House. That is, in a White House that has specialised in ensuring a dozen crazy things have happened every day for four years and all before morning tea on each of those days. Even if it was true, how would you knowing that bit of truth about the fake Melania change your world?
Or take all of the recent excitement about the discovery of water on the moon. Or when so many very old celebrities die. Like when I found out Vera Lynn had died. My first reaction wasn’t “oh god, that’s terrible – we’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when…” it was rather, “But, didn’t she die years ago? She must have, the journalist has just got the names stuffed up. It’s probably Doris Day who has died.” And this is all part of the reason why we are so easily fooled – the truth is that Lynn or Day, it hardly matters at all to our real lives.
If I told you that in the Andes, they’d discovered a new species of humanoid that lived only 30,000 years ago, would you be certain that was bullshit? Or what if I told you that Honeywell are working on trapped ions because they think they are likely to prove to be more effective qubits than superconducting loops? The problem is with how the media has trained us throughout our lives. It makes our swallowing bullshit virtually inevitable. Look, I’d even read The God Particle, but not even I suspected the whole world would get quite so excited when the Higgs Boson was discovered. And this is because we live in a world where people are more interested in facts than narratives, in whats over whys. Even things that are definitely ‘true’ become bullshit when we have no context with which to understand them in. I mean, if you can’t tell me what the Higgs Boson does while it is grazing in the particle zoo, maybe your knowing it ‘exists’ doesn’t really matter.
But I digress. Look, trust me, you want to read this book. It will help you find love, your children will suddenly start to look up to you, your wife will overlook your all too numerous infidelities and you’ll win the lottery.