Dating Divide: Race and Desire in the Era of Online Romance

by Celeste Vaughan Curington, Jennifer Hickes Lundquist, Ken-Hou Lin

The data behind a distinct form of racism in online dating.

The Dating Divide is the first comprehensive look at "digital-sexual racism," a distinct form of racism that is mediated and amplified through the impersonal and anonymous context of online dating. Drawing on large-scale behavioral data from a mainstream dating website, extensive archival research, and more than seventy-five in-depth interviews with daters of diverse racial backgrounds and sexual identities, Curington, Lundquist, and Lin illustrate how the seemingly open space of the internet interacts with the loss of social inhibition in cyberspace contexts, fostering openly expressed forms of sexual racism that are rarely exposed in face-to-face encounters.  The Dating Divide is a fascinating look at how a contemporary conflux of individualization, consumerism, and the proliferation of digital technologies has given rise to a unique form of gendered racism in the era of swiping right—or left. The internet is often heralded as an equalizer, a seemingly level playing field, but the digital world also acts as an extension of and platform for the insidious prejudices and divisive impulses that affect social politics in the "real" world. Shedding light on how every click, swipe, or message can be linked to the history of racism and courtship in the United States, this compelling study uses data to show the racial biases at play in digital dating spaces.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sociology, Sexuality

317 pages, Hardcover

Published February 9, 2021

Reviews

[Somu · Rating 5 out of 5]

*4.5. This was a pretty solid book. Interracial dating and racism are things that are often pushed under the rug and I liked how this book analyzes these themes in the context of online dating. The main thing I took away from the book which I have always known is that so called dating preferences particularly in regards to race are not devoid from oppressive systems. It’s not ‘just’ a preference thing. I like how the author made use of personal interviews and wove these seamlessly within the book. I also liked the use of statistics because as a visual learner this helped put into perspective some of the statistics being quoted. I really enjoyed this book and dare I say this may be a non-fiction favorite. The language used is not super dense/inaccessible so if you’re not someone in academia I think the average every day person can read this but there are references to statistics and certain theories so take that into consideration. Overall it was a really great read and I would encourage people to pick it up, especially if you’re someone that dates people outside your own race.

[Vicki · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little dry, but interesting. Reads like a grad school term paper.

[Dan Riaz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Discovered this book via a google search on the topic and decided to pick it up given how recent it was published.

First and foremost, I think it is worth picking up if you're interested in the topic, which I imagine many minority groups would be.

That said, the reason why I am giving it 3 out of 5 stars is as follows. The biggest issue I have with this book (and why it is still primarily obscure I think) is that there is not a lot new here. Meaning, in terms of the main take-aways, yes we already knew that white men were heavily preferred across all racial groups on online dating apps (read Dataclysm by the OKCupid founder or google any other study preceding that book). We also already knew that Asian women are preferred more than Asian men, and that black women are less desired on these apps.

We do see the degrees of preference highlighted based on the behavioral data they obtained, but this has been thoroughly discussed before (i.e. see Dataclysm).

I will say that they do a good job of isolating for other variables in their analysis -- i.e. they find that white men are heavily preferred even when adjusting for education status, height or other desirable traits...

But one of the other issues I have with the book is that they exclude everyone from South Asian or East Indian descent in the analysis. Typically, this group is bucketed in the "Asian" category but they decided to exclude them from that category given that "South Asians tend to have different experiences than Asians on the apps." I wish they provided a little more justification than that, it comes off as lazy. Furthermore, the app (which is not named) is a popular online dating app with millions of users and clearly defined racial categories -- so the data and sample size was clearly there to include South Asians, they just decided to ignore them.

If you have read other books on the topic, this will probably validate some of your thinking on online dating as it does confirm what has been discovered in the past, AND it is a very recent publication...so I think it's still worth picking up and skimming through. Just don't expect any radical new discoveries.

[Ronald · Rating 4 out of 5]

A depressing read but a necessary one. This 2021 work, probably based on okcupid and/or tinder data, reinforces what was discussed ten years ago, and that is there is a systemic and entrenched racial discrimination between groups in the online dating space. Protected by the perceived anonymity, people’s behavior online says a lot about their mindset much better than their words. I am not bothered but the overt racism in people’s behavior as much as I’m disappointed to see those demography that tend most to proclaimed strong progressive ideals are also those who discriminate most readily against others. This further reinforces my belief that many of the so-called progressive agenda is built on not only shaky technical foundations but also ambiguous moral authority to criticize others. But, this is who we really are.
Overall it’s just your sociology study type of book. Some behavioral data accompanied by qualitative research data. Methodology sounds ok, and unlike another book along this line filled with combative hatred towards perceived culprits, the language in this one is tuned down and easier to read.

[RYAN PHAM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Graphs were a little bit hard to read

However, the information is good.

It talks about how dating apps are one of the last places where it is acceptable to openly discriminate on the basis of race and class. Some highlights:

1. Black women are disadvantaged on dating apps compared to black men and are seen as more masculine than women should be.
2. It is difficult to openly say discriminatory things about Asian Americans, given their positive stereotypes, but the data says something opposite. Asian women are seen as hyper feminine and benefit in the online dating space, while Asian men are seen as hypo-masculine and are disadvantaged
3. Latinos like white skin and a lot of them focus in on someone who is well-educated and from a middle class background, which tends to be white people. Even when they date Latino people, there is an unsaid bias toward lighter skin people.

[Alexzandra Pellicier · Rating 2 out of 5]

interesting but not what I was looking for

I was looking more for an account t of black womens experience in an era of digital dating. When it comes to the popularity of black men in a digital dating landscape this work contradict my research findings.

[Gabe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not necessarily surprising, but cogent and clear.

[FrancescaChirco Chirco · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5ish gave some insights but the conclusions felt contradictory to the rest of the book

[Rodrigo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this for my sociology of marriage class and it was such a fascinating read. Highly recommend.

[Amira]

Extremely well written and engaging. Would be very interesting to see if the data is consistent across all dating platforms.

[Kevin Dufresne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hi,

I hope all is progressing well.

The Dating Divide: Race and Desire in the Era of Online Romance by Dr. Celeste Vaughan Curington, PhD, Dr. Jennifer H. Lundquist, PhD, and Dr. Ken-Hou Lin, PhD is a text exploring qualitative and quantitative research concerning experiences of individuals of different genders and racial backgrounds in connection with online dating. One day, I open a new tab to find an article (Why aren't college-educated Black women meeting their match?) piquing my interest because of its correlation to a project I know an individual is working on. After discovering the text as a source in the article (with commentary from authors of the text), I decide to purchase then read the book. (Of 2/20/23) As a cis-heterosexual single man, practically confident in my ability to help a relationship thrive, I find dating to be more practical for me after I meet an individual in person though I am not averse to online dating. The text offers substantial research with historical evidential support (which makes a lot of sense)—not just for argument's sake:

"To be very clear—it is not our objective or intention to judge individuals for their personal dating preferences: in some cases, individual racism could play little part in why one person marries another of the same racial background. So too might interracial relationships be formed in a context rife with overt racism. Instead, our aim is to call into question the naive views that intimate racial preferences are natural, apolitical, and inconsequential. Indeed, as we show throughout this book, societal forces that insist on a racial hierarchy of desire shape our intimate desires, whether or not we'd like to address that fact." (Curington, Lin, Lundquist, 2021, p. 15)

I learn a lot about antimiscegenation and social hierarchies historically to a degree beyond my original familiarity prior reading the text. I choose to constantly learn to improve practically, and I hold no racial preference when it comes to choosing a potential romantic/life partner (though I find when women practically prioritize health, personally, attractive—because I live an increasingly healthier lifestyle, personally). The data is accessible and verifiable with links throughout the text as well as a "Data and Methods" portion in the Appendix. The contexts concerning dating seem globally aware with a focus on dating online in the United States. I'm mindful concerning relationships and potential a/ romantic/life partner(s)—romance. I really enjoy reading the text. I digitally applaud individuals partaking in the research development to help bring the text to fruition especially in an age in which access to the internet via a medium like a cellphone is apparent (and entities are looking to ensure access to the internet grows exponentially). Research of the sort can benefit dating, individuals personally, and relationships in the long run in psychological/social ways. The text informs to encourage and enlighten individuals:

"It may not be our intention to have absorbed societal racial preferences, but we can be intentional about acknowledging and not cultivating them. Who we decide to pursue personal relationships with, be it marriage or a brief encounter at a party, is one of the last visible threads sustaining the racial hierarchy now that public racial discrimination is no longer legitimated. The commodifying process of online dating has made the existence of sexual racism undeniable—and our complicity in the process has made it virtually acceptable and commonplace. In this light, searching for a partner is itself a process of remaking race. While it may not be our fault directly if we have a racial preference, it is our responsibility to examine our preferences and decide whether to perpetuate or disrupt them. Are we willing to question why we might have such preferences and what they mean about our relative positions within hierarchies that privilege some and not others?" (Curington, Lin, Lundquist, 2021, pp. 226–227)

If one finds the data too intense to read alone, I advise reading with diverse wise council. The resulting conversations may prove better for everyone in the conversation. Even the authors of the text share in the Acknowledgments: 

"This book was not always an easy one to write, and we found ourselves frequently grappling with the hard truths that emerged from the data. We each came into the project from different perspectives and varying experiences. We often disagreed, engaged in heated discussions, and sometimes called out one another's blind spots. The book is that much stronger for it." (Curington, Lin, Lundquist, 2021, p. 229)

The discourse might not be easy though may prove valuable. I appreciate the text. 

Onward and Upward,
Kevin Dufresne

Curington, C.V., Lin, K., & Lundquist, J.H. (2021). The Dating Divide.

[Jessica Orrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Read for SOCY4931*
Interesting commentary that shows that people are shocking racist in their dating preferences. There was a little left to be desired tho, sometimes the authors would introduce quotes with the implict assumption that readers would be aware they were negative and then just not elaborate on/explain them which I think detracted from the overall takeaway. Still and important book tho, just not super riveting and pretty academic.

[ZeV · Rating 2 out of 5]

The following quote provides the best summary of the framework that the authors maintain throughout this book:

In this book we push past the binary to analyze intimate relations among Blacks, Asians, Latinos, Whites, and multiracial daters. Still, we also subscribe theoretically to the Afro-pessimist perspective that, as Jared Sexton put it, highlights the “specificity of anti-blackness” under White supremacy. Particularly in the United States, the Black-White monolithic remains a principal racial dialectic that undergirds White supremacy. (p. 11)

The social constructionist view is solely based on racial dynamics and grievances in the United States. It lacks interdisciplinary approach that incorporates knowledge from now increasingly relevant fields like evolutionary psychology and behavioral science of mating. The data and statistical analysis discussed align with the work presented in Dataclysm by Christian Rudder. The interviews of daters with various backgrounds provides real-life data points and offer interesting perspectives if you are not already familiar with multicultural, multiethnic, and mutiracial dating environments.

If you are interested in understanding how social constructionist theory frames the dynamics of dating in the United States, this book can be a valuable starting point. For others, there may not be much new to see.