Tainted

Love Is Love #2

by Andi Jaxon

It's a chance that leads me here.

To him.

The grumpy mechanic with a chip on his shoulder and a secret.

I’m drawn to him.

This shell of a man, gripping onto who he is by his fingertips.

If anyone finds out who he really is, who he used to be, he’ll become another statistic.

Luckily I know how to hide my truth in the dark.

I should stay away from him, not get caught up in his family drama, but I crave him.

I need him.

Am I strong enough to fight for the man who needs me?

*Tainted is an mm transgender romance that deals with transphobia, homophobia, and past abuse. There will be parts of the story that contain triggers surrounding these issues. It is for an 18+ audience.

*This book follows Taylor’s journey after Bully King: An MM Bully Romance, it is a stand alone and does not have to be read in order.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Transgender, LGBT, Sports, College, Mental Health

231 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 20, 2021

About the author

From Dyslexic kid with a love of Algebra to a published author, no one is more surprised to find me here, than I am. I love to write about tortured pasts and hot sex, a happily ever after that has to be worked for. My stories tend to be a little dark but with some comic relief, typically in the form of sarcasm.

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Reviews

[len ❀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I love you,” he whimpers with his forehead against mine and tears streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you for being the light in my dark.”

Despite the strong and emotional themes this deals with, this was also soft all around.

TWs: transphobia, homophobia, mentions of suicide and suicide attempt, parental neglect/abuse.

This is exactly what I love about grumpy x sunshine characters. One character sees nothing but a dark path but then the author brings in that character that is most likely younger than them, figuring out life, and they end up pushing all of their buttons to the point where their annoyance turns into love. Because that's exactly what Taylor is to Dean. And I was so here for it.

This has quickly become one of my favorite MM stories. This was my first time reading a book with a trans male character, but I knew I would get myself into what you usually see in these stories and real life: transphobia. Dean came out to his parents after turning 18. Raised by alcoholic and strict parents who made his life miserable without knowing, he was kicked out of the house and left for himself. Now at twenty-seven, Dean has been through so much to the point where he feels lonely and wallows in his pain. On the other hand, Taylor has moved out of his conservative small town back in Kentucky and is now a college football player in hopes of pursuing a psychology degree. He’s the complete opposite of Dean, but they fit so well together.

One of the most prominent themes in this is body dysphoria and insecurities. There was a personal note at the end, stating Dean’s body struggles came from her, but despite not knowing that before, Dean’s struggles with body dysphoria felt so intensely real and like his own. Society's conservative views are completely implemented on his mind and have been crawling at him for almost his whole life. He’s isolated himself, feels lonely, and is even ashamed of himself sometimes. His struggles cause him to shower in the dark and even change with no light on because he feels embarrassed for not having bottom surgery. This is extremely common in many transgender people, and I honestly appreciate this representation because it shows the reality many of them face. It felt painfully real and raw, and I sympathize with Dean so much. Taylor’s life was the complete opposite. Luckily for him, he was able to move out of his conservative and Christian town, but his mother is entirely supportive of his bisexuality. While he’s come to terms with his identity and doesn't precisely struggle, per se, he does hide himself a little from people. However, he had loving a loving mother and supportive best friends and never was neglected by the people he came to love.

I didn’t ask to be trans. No one asks for things that make their own lives harder or more dangerous. No one chooses a life that could end in a hate crime.

It's easy to feel for Dean. The author wrote about him in such a loving way, despite his grumpy attitude. His entire life, he had been living a lie, in a body he didn’t feel was his. Forced to compete in pageants to provide money for his family, Dean now works as a mechanic fixing cars. His isolation is evident in his everyday actions—he flinches when touched, yet he craves it; he fears rejection, yet he's used to it; he struggles to look at his body, but he's also accepted it. This was the first book I've read with a transgender male lead, and I'd like to say that I can't comment on how the representation was and how it feels for others, but I think the author got “the basics” down. What Dean has felt and gone through is what I have heard other trans individuals go through romantically and sexually. I loved how we know a little about his transition, like how he takes T-shots, how he doesn't have bottom surgery, how he's used a packer and harness. This made it much easier to visualize and imagine, making it easier for me to read because of how much description was added to his character. It also helped me understand his character in a more open way.

I loved Dean. He's a total soft grumpy. He cares about the people he loves, even if he shows it strangely and differently than some would be used to. He wants the best for the people he loves, but he's used to rejection that he runs away from his problems instead of facing them. Taylor became a new home for him, and the development was exactly how I loved it. I love grumpy x sunshine stories where we see the grumpy character have their buttons be pushed over and over to the point where the sunshine character’s annoyance starts becoming loving. That's how it was between Taylor and Dean, and it was precious. Taylor accepted Dean from the get-go, but he never pressured him for anything, rushed, or made it seem like he was using Dean. Instead, he made sure to show him the love he deserved and wanted to show him that Taylor was genuinely falling for him.

What started as Taylor randomly working at the mechanic store to pay his debt for his car to be fixed later became multiple scenes of tension and mutual pining.

For me, the relationship's development balanced out nicely. The pace felt realistically stable, and I was glad there was never a situation that caused a mess in their relationship. What some may consider miscommunication towards the end felt necessary and like insecurity to me. I couldn't blame Dean for feeling like he wanted to run away again and have doubts about the relationship. The way he was living psychologically impacted him a lot. He can't just move on from what he’s been through, and I think this showed his vulnerability. Even after Taylor tried his best to show him everything was real, continuing to be scared showed the complexity because of how little trust Dean had at first. In my opinion, Dean's lack of unsureness felt necessary for the relationship's growth. Not only did Taylor not run away and leave Dean to his thoughts, but his concern showed he cared and was afraid of messing up.

Dean: You’re late.
Taylor: How would you know?
Dean: You're always here by 10:40, and it's 10:45.
Taylor: Aww, you were paying attention. That's adorable.
Dean: Shut up.

I thought their relationship was entirely cute. The way Taylor was confused at first about Dean's transition felt normal and not in any way weird. He already knew he was bisexual, and Dean being trans never made him uncomfortable either. I loved seeing how supportive he was as the two got to know each other more. While they never really went out together until later on, their relationship's progress felt steady and not in any way remote. Some may say Taylor working at the mechanic shop is a little OTT, but I found it cute because it made the two see each other more, which caused Taylor to bother Dean more, in which Dean only told him to “fuck off.” Taylor did the opposite, and the tension between them only grew. Taylor was already attracted to Dean (I don't know if you can call it insta-lust, but whatever it was, it worked well), but even their romantic feelings and chemistry between was heartfelt. I loved the date they had when they got burgers, and I loved seeing how easy it was for Taylor to accept Dean's transition, such as seeing his dildo and strap on, as well as being so comfortable seeing him put his T-shot in. It was beautiful.

There is also an age-difference between the two, but it was adorable and in no way awkward for me. Taylor is a 19-year-old freshman in college, and Dean is a 27-year-old mechanic. Taylor acted what Dean considered mature for his age, mainly because of how accepting he was of his identity and transition, but sometimes he was still his young self. This in no way bothered me, as I'm a lover of age gaps in relationships, and this one checked off all the boxes for me.

“You can push me away all you want, but I'm not going anywhere. Not until you tell me you're done. Push me away, fight me, fine. However, if you ever take away your own value because of the lack of an appendage again, we will fight.”

There's a lot of character development as well, and not only with the main characters. Dean starts becoming more open and exposed to Taylor, and Dean's brother, Mike, becomes more accepting as time passes. It was difficult at first, and while his reactions were angering and unfortunately accurate, I appreciated how comfortable he became later on. Nonetheless, forgiving him isn't easy. He deadnames Dean and calls him “princess,” a nickname he used for him when they were young. He refers to Dean as "her" at first, even when he's being corrected. He's homophobic and transphobic all around, feeling ashamed and not claiming their relationship. His character's growth felt too underdeveloped. I wish we got to see more of how he came to accepting Dean for who he is. I loved seeing how Taylor would correct him when he'd refer to Dean as she as well as become defensive when Mikey was a straight-up asshole. Braxton, Dean's best friend, was also a strong addition to this. He's gay, feminine, striking, and confident. He's the friend everyone needs in their life to make it more colorful. His extroverted personality fit so well with Dean's introverted self. He always made sure to put Dean up higher than he made himself be, and I loved how he wouldn't hold back for anything. He made the story not only more enjoyable but more accepting too.

“Listen here, motherfucker.” His voice is low, but no less powerful than if he was screaming. “A penis does not make you a man. If I had a micro-dick that was useless for sex, would I be less of a man than someone packing twelve inches?”

Braxton is the friend I wish I had.

“Gender is whatever the fuck you want it to be. I'm a genetic male, but I wear makeup. Does that make me less of a man? No. Be who you are and tell anyone who doesn't like it to fuck off.”

I haven't read Bully King, and I honestly have no intention of reading it. While Jonah and Roman make cameos and are brought up here and there, I don't think I'm missing out, personally. As much as I would love to know more about Taylor’s backstory and where he comes from, I'm happy with what I got here. I appreciated how Andi didn't make the story entirely connected, making this story much easier to comprehend. While Taylor is connected to Jonah and Roman and things that happened in Bully King, nothing is really of concern here. Tainted, despite its heavy themes, is soft and fluffy in other sections. Taylor also gives us brief glimpses into his life before moving to Ohio, and it's enough to get an idea. I had heard that Taylor suffered a lot in Bully King, but this is his happy ever after, and it is a sweet one with no suffering anywhere.

Overall, this story was rather sweet more than sad. The beginning deals with more of the heavy themes, and throughout the story, we see some of Dean's struggles with himself, but there is soft writing all around.

“I haven't told my mom about you, but I'm going to, because I like you. A lot. I think about you all the damn time. I want to show you off to everyone so they all know you're mine, and I'm yours. So, sit your ass down on this couch and let me touch you.”

[Renae Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

*** I received an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review***

Tainted is an emotional grumpy/sunshine love story where both Taylor and Dean confront their insecurities while learning how to embrace one another. Taylor is the ultimate golden retriever, he shines with effortless positivity and patience. Meanwhile, Dean exudes anger and grumpiness that keeps everyone at a distance.... until Taylor. Their chemistry is instantaneous, which intrigues Taylor and scares Dean. Watching how they each confront their feelings for one another was exciting to see develop.

Dean really is the heart and soul of this story, his tragic past combined with his strength of character and desire to feel and be loved is beautiful to see. Taylor is the best possible match for his grumpiness and willingness to protect and love him unconditionally.

Another brilliantly done aspect of Tainted is the raw and honest representation of both trans and bi experiences. Dean struggles with feelings of self-worth due to his family abandonment and Taylor's history of being bullied over his sexuality are both hard-hitting topics that are done with grace and respect while remaining true to their characters.

I loved how Taylor and Dean's love story is both frustrating and exciting. They provide a great balance to each other while learning to trust one another was beautiful to see develop. I also loved seeing brief appearances from Roman and Jonah, they will always be my favorite.

Overall Tainted is the perfect comfort/hurt love story that takes its time, while never forgetting its heart.

[Rosabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really, really liked this!!! 🔥🔥

I didn't pick the first one of this series, I don't like bullies and reading some stuff that happened in the first one, from this character's pov, yeah it's better this way.

But this? Oh my God, I LOVED THIS!!! Being transgender is something that a lot of people don't understand, but...

"It still kind of boggles my brain. I don’t really understand it, but I can respect the person enough to use the right pronouns".

If we treat everything with respect and inform ourselves, that should be enough right? Well, I feel informed after reading this, like my brain melted so I dunno if I grasped it all but I tried!

I had never read of a trans man who had a vagina and cero problems with it, so this was a whole knew perspective and it was also really fascinating to read. This made the sex really interesting because hormones and toys and shit, go read it to know more.

But anyways, I loved the characters development and treatment of each other and even though this was dark at times (Dean suffers from a lot of stuff because life isn't fair!) but it was also healing and inspiring and it gives you the warmths.

So yeah! I loved this and if the next one from this series isn't about bullying, then I'll read it cause this author can rock!! 🤯🤯❤🔥

[moonlight ☾ [semi-hiatus] · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars ☆

"You can push me away all you want, but I'm not going anywhere. Not until you tell me you're done. Push me away, fight me, fine. However, if you ever take away your own value because of the lack of an appendage again, we will fight. I love to touch. I need to touch. At some point I expect you to tell me to stop touching you. You'll have to tell me what you're comfortable with in public, because I don't have any problem kissing you in front of everyone. You're mine."

taylor and dean were so soft, i loved them. 🥺

[Crystal (Crystalreads2) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands down the best book from Andi Jaxon. To my knowledge, there are not many books about gender identity in the romance genre. I wish more authors will follow suit because this book is phenomenal. The author touches on real-life topics and did her research with such great attention to detail.
 
The book starts with Dean’s dead name coming out to his parents as transgender and how they react. Eight years later, Dean is in a dark place, with insecurity, self-loathing, body dysmorphia, and loneliness.  Talk about gut-wrenching.  I wanted to be his adopted mom. He has one true friend, Braxton. Braxton is the cherry on top. God, I just love how supportive, and funny he is.
 
“I don’t understand why people have such a big issue with the alphabet mafia. Love is love. Who cares?”

My favorite quote in the book.


Now enters Taylor, let start by saying we all need a Taylor in their life. He is very accepting, non-judgmental, asks questions, wants to learn, and fights for his loved ones.  I first fell in love with him in Bully King, now he is starting fresh in a new town. Not to say he doesn’t think back to the last year of his life In Kentucky. Because he does.
 
Words can’t express enough how much I love this book.  It will make you think and ask questions. Tainted is not written like a typical romance novel. It has components of one.  Just written outside the box. To which I greatly appreciate. Tainted, is well written with a raw emotional plot. With steam and acceptance. Overall just a beautiful story. I was left wanting more, I hope to read about them in future books. 

I highly recommend this book to everyone.

[Celia {Hiatus until August} · Rating 4 out of 5]

After what Taylor been through in the previous book, he becomes more mature.
I've loved him in there and I love him now.
He's really sweet.
This is not a soft story. 4,4 stars to me.

Dean is a trans male with lots of insecurities.

As Ashley, her parents used her to earn money in beauty contests, when she comes out, her parents threw her out and tell her brother she's dead.
Taylor plays football in the university with Mike.
When he meets Dean there's a quick chemistry between them.

It's a beautiful story, with a lot character development.

It's hard for Mike to accept that the sister who was more a mother than his own, now is a brother.
Dean is 27 and Taylor 19 but with his help and Braxton (I just love him and it's curious how Mike feel uncomfortable near him, is there a new book with the two of them?...), Dean become more sweet and start to see for what he really is.

It's hot, it's sweet and has a heavy height on what might be tabu issues for some people.

I'm not even pretend to understand how anyone feels, trapped in a body that don't belong.
The feeling of not belong or fit anywhere.
Fortunately Dean has Braxton, but not everyone has a Braxton in their lives.
People are so judgemental and don't even try to understand.
We are all people, with feelings, why can't we just accept everyone for the human being that we all are?
Why it's acceptal people being mean to each other but when becomes to sexuality that's a crime?
I really can't understand that...
It's so sad...

[Lilly [Hiatus due to School] · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I love you,” he whimpers with his forehead against mine and tears streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you for being the light in my dark.”

After reading Bully King, I was really excited for Taylor's book. Honestly, my heart hurt for him and I NEEDED him to have his HEA.

Tainted is a complete 180 from Bully King. Despite the challenging themes and topics in this book Taylor and Dean's love story is so so sweet. Hurt/Comfort at its best in my opinion.

Dean has had a rough start in life, and despite living as his authentic self now, he still carries many of the scars of his past. He has been hurt, felt unloved, and rejected for most of his life. He has a very negative view of himself and believes he is undeserving of love. However, when bright, sweet, accepting Taylor enters his life, he starts to believe that maybe he is truly worthy of love.

"The boy that kissed me yesterday. The one that has my stomach tied in fucking knots. The one who is making me want things I don’t think I can have."

“Nothing I say is going to convince you that the way you see yourself is not how everyone else sees you, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop saying it.”

I loved how Taylor not only wanted to be with Dean but wanted to understand him. He knew he was fragile but, at the same time, stood his ground when it came to showing him that he is loved! He was earnest and eager to learn, make him comfortable, and accept him while respecting his decisions. His love for him was just so pure and beautiful.

"We need to have more conversations. I need to know more about what it means to him to be trans, both physically and psychologically, and how that will affect other things. Like sex."

I also loved the side characters so much! I wonder if maybe we will ever get a story with Dean's best friend, Brax and Dean's brother Mike? I also loved when Dean went to visit Taylor's family. Seeing him find his chosen family was so beautiful. I honestly love Taylor's mother so much!

Overall this was a wonderfully sweet sweet story of finding love and acceptance. If you love grumpy/sunshine, age gap, hurt/comfort and just a sweet love story, this is it!

I will not be reading the third book in the series as I am not interested in MMF/MFM.

CW: This story deals with attempted suicide, body dysmorphia, transphobia, homophobia, and gender identity so it may be triggering for some people.

[D.L. Howe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been wanting to read this for a while but I put it off. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it considering my son is trans.

From the very beginning it’s fucking hard. Hard to imagine my kid not only not understanding what’s happening to himself but that nobody is willing to help him. Let alone that’s he’s treated like trash by his own parents, people that should cherish every breath he takes.

I’m lucky that I get to support and help my son and I’ll never forget that. So to see someone like my son struggling, it rips me up from the inside out.

Anyways back to the story …

It’s not surprising that Dean keeps everyone but Braxton at arm’s length. Everyone in his life has either pushed him away, done him dirty or just doesn’t acknowledge his existence. It’s a horribly lonely life but I get it when he pushes Taylor away.

Taylor is curious about this trans man from the moment he hears about him. In all honesty his getting so hot and bothered after watching trans porn made his future feelings toward Dean feel fetishized. It took a while for me to believe he had nothing but good intentions.

No doubt about the same time it took Dean to believe him wanting him as well. But once he gave an inch it became incredibly sweet. I do think they moved too quickly into sex but I get not wanting to wait because it’s been a while. I just would’ve enjoyed it more if I had to work a little harder to get it.

I freaking adored the side characters, especially Whitney and Braxton. Um, can Braxton get a book because I would be all over that. I’m also not adverse to Whitney and Mandy. Just saying.

Overall it was a sweet, emotional read that I mostly enjoyed.

[Preeti · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Light in my dark Stars
(Trans MC, Bi MC, transphobia, body dysmorphia, depression, talk around self-harm and self-loathing, Hurt-comfort)

I wanted to read Taylor's story since I read an ARC review a month back(Trans rep why else???). Actually, I read Bully king only because I wanted to know Taylor's backstory. Although, it's not required since this book is standalone. And, lucky for me, the author didn't disappoint. Unlike Roman of Bully King, we get to see a perfect book boyfriend in Taylor.🥰🥰

Summary
Dean was forced to compete in beauty pageants from a very young age by his selfish parents. But at 17, when he came out as trans to them, they reacted the only way, greedy narrow-minded people are expected to act. They threw him out of the house and told everyone that 'Ainsley' is dead. 

Now, 9 years later Dean is working as a mechanic in his gay best friend, Braxton's garage. Dean is a grouch who has faced only nonacceptance from people so he hates and distrusts everyone other than his best friend. He is also depressed, filled with self-loathing and has not accepted his changed body.

Then came the dear boy, Taylor🥰🥰He is 10 years junior to Dean and playing at Ohio state university. He is not ready to go away even though Dean keep saying fuck off.😂😂

Things  I loved

1. Taylor- My dear boy has suffered so much in Bully King but he is still so accepting. He knew nothing about trans people but once he knew that his roomie Mikey's brother is trans, he did his research(google and pornhub😂😂😂). And, was not ready to listen to any crap from Mikey about Dean.

2. The grumpy pants Dean- Yes, Dean has suffered a lot and had been judged and not accepted by anyone so he gives the fuck off treatment to Taylor for months. He is not ready to believe that Taylor likes him But, he once he opens up, he is so vulnerable and emotional and loving.

3. The relationship development- Yes, we have it and a very sweet one. 😇😇 Although, Dean showed that he didn't care for Taylor for a long time because again he couldn't believe that Taylor is actually interested. Taylor was tenacious, he kept taking everything cranky Dean has to give and stood his ground. 

4. Did I say, Taylor is a football player.😇😇

5. The side characters like Dean's BFF, Braxton. His femme no-nonsense attitude was precious. And, Whitney, the goth girl.

Things I hated
1. The first 50 pages… We have so much transphobia and self-loathing.😩😩 I thought, this is going to be another Bully king but then Taylor🥰🥰 happened.

2. Mikey- Dean's brother was a real piece of work. And, although he did somewhat redeem himself, I have still not forgiven him. 
➡ Most probably the next book will be about him and Braxton.

Extra tidbit
1. I never knew I was traumatised by Bully king and Andy Jaxon's writing till I read this book. After every fluffy scene, I expected mob lynch or something like that. But, thankfully, this book is more about Dean and Taylor and we are in Ohio not in that stupid town.😿😿

2. I hope I have read some literature about trans people and their vocabulary. So I could comment if the representation was right, or if the sex scenes were fitting but sorry, I enjoyed this couple's story, felt Dean's pain of constant rejection and loved that he met Taylor who cherishes him. But, I will keep reading other reviews about this book to know other people POVs.

P.S- Am I the only one who didn't know that there is a word called Guncle(gay uncle)???

[Iman (hiatus) · Rating 3 out of 5]

READ TWs

I already know i’m fucked when the book starts with “i’m transgender” fuck the beginning was soooo painful 😭😭😭

It started soooo good! However, the whole storyline was executed just fine. I really don’t know what to write here after finishing. It was decent, but I wasn’t hooked. The writing made it easy to read though, I’ll give you that. I kept going only to satisfy my little heart for the rep lmaoo. A lot parts of the book wants to focus a lot on sexuality and preferences, I love those touches, but most of them were too on top of the surface. I love how Taylor just accepts Dean, it’s lovely and the love development was quite cliche - brother’s roommate and a family who can suck ass. Nothing too memorable, but the most interesting part was Dean’s life.

And I have to admit some parts of this book made me dysphoric. ugh ugh pain pain go away hahahah but other than that, the feelings Dean had hits too close to home :( feels like he share those emotions with me. PLEASE see TWs!

[⭐Toonasa⭐ •Romance Book Lovers' Haven• · Rating 5 out of 5]

My 1st book by this author, diving in!😍 Its good to read after so many days.
P.s. I loved this book soooooooo much!🥰

Even though I still haven't been able to bring myself to write book reviews yet, I wholeheartedly recommend this one!😍

[sanju (on and off) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is only my second book with a trans and gay MC and a bi MC. I simply loved the way this book was written. Dean’s shortcomings(or what he thinks they are) were portrayed as realistically as could have been. Taylor was a goddamn sweet guy. The exact kind of guy who DOES NOT EXIST. Seriously, what’s with authors always going for guys like him? Not that I’m complaining, but my standards have long ago hit rooftop, and it’s ruining my life.

Back to the book, Dean had gone through a fuck lot, starting with his family’s rejection and his brother’s contempt. Braxton had his back from day one and I adore their friendship. I enjoyed how Brax not-so-subtly rooted for Dean and Taylor to just crash head-on and stop with the small games. That man is a feisty one.

“My insecurities have insecurities. When shit gets real, I push people away just to see if they’ll fight for me. So far, one person has. One. I hate everyone because they hate me, so I’m a dick to keep everyone at arm’s length. I’m comfortable alone, even though I fucking hate it.”

You got me there. Phenomenal words. I loved them.

I highly highly recommend this book if you wanna get out of a reading slump, it helped me🥲, or if you’re on the lookout for another MM romance that is quite enjoyable but doesn’t go very deep into emotions. 4 stars!

[Julia (bookish.jka) · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first Andi Jaxon read was Bully King and at that point she was a new-to-me author and I had no idea what to expect. I absolutely LOVED that book.

This time, I knew what I was going to get going in - great writing, triggering subject matter, heart-wrenching honesty and (hopefully) a HEA. And I got all of that in buckets.

We met one of our MCs, Taylor, in Bully King and he had such a tough time in that book, that I was hanging out for him to get his own HEA once he moved to a new town for college. Which is where he meets Dean.

Dean is trans, and has a horrific back story of abuse and neglect and betrayal and rejection. And then he meets Taylor.

Seriously, everyone needs a Taylor in their life 💙💜.

This was hard reading at times, as Dean struggles with his body dysmophia, amongst more, but Ms Jaxon takes the reader by the hand and leads us safely through to the HEA that Dean totally deserves.

4 ✨✨✨✨

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Didn’t read the first.
Sensitive and surprising.
I’ll remember it.

[Jess Brady · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading Bully King I knew that if we got Taylor's story it was going to be nothing short of epic. Taylor was so much more than I thought he was, and Dean was just everything shattered and beautiful.

“I love you,” he whimpers with his forehead against mine and tears streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you for being the light in my dark.”

Taylor grew up right in the Bible Belt and was no stranger to homophobia. He had seen firsthand what it could do to a person and the people that they loved. Now, away and in college he has the choice to be himself without the fear of what could happen but just because he has that choice now doesn't mean the fear goes away.

When Taylor's car breaks down and has to get it towed it is confronted with the same delicious man, he saw only days earlier at the coffee shop near campus. He is grumpy, distant, and not much of a talker but there is something about Dean that just pulls Taylor in. When he finds out that Dean is a transgender it doesn't scare him off it only intrigues him further. He has never met anyone like Dean before and while Dean is still very much the distant man, he first met there is something tender under the surface that Taylor just wants to reach.

Dean's life started later than most. He wasn't truly himself until he became the man, he always wanted to be but now that he is that man there is still so much fear that about the parts of him that he can't change. On the outside he might be a man to everyone but to him he will never be 100% the person he has always wanted to be. No one except his best friend has accepted him without questions, until Taylor. There is something about the football player that Dean is drawn to, but he just knows that once Taylor learns all his secrets he will be gone just as fast as everyone else has been.

As Taylor starts to break down Deans walls slowly, he sees much more that the man still has not shared with him. That constant fear lurking around every corner that he will never accept Dean as the man he truly is. Can Taylor help Dean realize that he is exactly the man that he has always wanted or will both of their hearts be shattered from Dean's fear.

This is only my second Andi Jaxon book, but both stories have ripped my heart out. I cried several times for Dean and the life he thought he would never have. I cried for Taylor because all he wanted was Dean, exactly as he was. Isn't that what we all want though? To be loved & craved for exactly who we are? Jaxon conveyed that so beautifully throughout Tainted that I started thinking about all the times when I wasn't accepted for who I was.

Taylor & Dean's story will stay with me forever and when I am feeling unloved or uncertain about who I am I know that I can come back here to Tainted and fall in love all over again with this beautiful world where falling in love with someone who loves you as you are is possible.

[Nelly S. (brain fog sucks)]

DNF @66%. It’s just not working for me though I can see why others would like it.

[mads (on hiatus from reading and reviews) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man, I’m conflicted.

On the one hand, I loved this book. On the other hand, it didn’t quite hit.

-I wanted more of Dean’s POV, or at the very least have it all be Tyler’s POV.
-Felt a bit insta-lovey (which is a trope I’m not super into)
-I think I loved it bc I loved the trans-masc rep
-As someone who’s always feeling some sort of way about gender, this book can bring on the feels.
-This is a very different book than bully king, less angst, less plot…but the author mentions in her note that it was a hard book for her to write, so that might account for some of the limitations.

Overallllllllllll, I say listen to your heart on whether or not you should read this one.

and buy the trans men in your life a coffee and give ‘em a high five.

[any · Rating 3 out of 5]

i liked it but didn’t love. made me cringe in some parts

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Get it here:
Amazon US * Amazon UK

[Stacy R · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5. It isn’t often that I read a book that’s totally different from anything I’ve read before.

PROS
✅ Trans MMC (I need more books like this)
✅ Likable main characters
✅ Likable side characters
✅ Interesting plot


CONS
❌ Too short
❌ Editing issues (maybe a KU/Amazon problem?)
❌ I wanted more of a backstory on Dean (and what he went through on his own)
❌ Wish the story went deeper - what happened once they decided to be together? How did Taylor’s teammates react once he came out? How did Mikey and Dean’s relationship as siblings grow?

[✨Lucy IntheSky☄️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Transgender romance books are not really my first choice, I gave it a shot with Luke from Cora Rose, and now this one, because I loved Bully King. It's a well written book and has minimal angst, but it just wasn't the right pick for me, so I'm giving it 3.5⭐, but for someone who loves transgender romance, this is a 4+⭐ story.

If you've read Bully King , this is the second book in the series, Taylor's story.Taylor is Roman's best friend, who got beat up for kissing a boy.



In his story, Taylor lives in another town and is a freshman in college, plays football and meets Dean , a transgender man, who was a pageant princess in his childhood years, but his family kicked him out, when he came out as trans.



Dean is a very lonely man. He has one friend, Braxton, and works in an auto-repair shop. He doesn't have relationships or even hook-ups, he lives alone, feels rejected, feels like there's something missing, because he's not a cis (biological) man and has given up hope of ever having sex or a relationship.



When he meets Taylor there's chemistry, attraction, but also envy and jealousy, since Taylor is so effortlessly masculine, when Dean has to really work for it. Given the fact that Taylor is a few years younger, there's no hope something will happen between them, but when it does, it takes a lot for Dean to open up and really enjoy his sexuality, enjoy the closeness and believe that Taylor really wants him.



I had no idea what Dean's man pussy would look like, so I did my thorough research and found that out, but also the fact that transgender porn is up by 75% in views. Wow. An interesting thought, eh?

I can't even imagine what a person, who feels/knows that they live in a wrong body, goes through, not only to get to the body of choice, but to feel really at home when they get there, not to mention the importance of their environment, family, friends and (potential) partners.

Dean's struggle with living as a transgender man was well described, him living basically without any kind of support system besides Brax - and what a difference that one person, who stands by your side, makes. Many times it's a life or death situation, having someone to just talk to.

Author also touched Dean's rejection by gay men, who told him to get back to them, when he'll have a dick, yeah, that was pretty brutal, and very true, I imagine.



Taylor sounded like a really mature, wonderful guy, but since he was only 19, I just couldn't wrap my mind around someone talking like he did and taking on so much (a very serious, emotional commitment) at that age, it wasn't believable for me. He was raised well, yes, but that's still an adolescent and if he were a few years older, I'd be able to believe it more.

Taylor and Dean have their HFN, the story in the book happens around a month's time, also the epilogue is happening during Christmas break, so hopefully we'll hear from them more in the future books.



I met some great characters in this story, wonderful Brax being one of them and of course, Dean's brother, Mike. I'm hoping to read their stories, if the series continues.

[oritty: books and i (tilayov) · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5*

"I love you…. Thank you for being the light in my life"
AJ is an amazing writer.
She writes with such sensitivity and respect about issues that are not easily approached
Her words are inspiring
This is a love story between a bi man and a trans man
Both with tragedies in their past
Both with problems being accepted for who they are
And both with enormous love to give
Taylor had some really dark moments in his life but he also has a solid base of family and friends and he has so much light in him
Dean who has just one person in his life, who keeps everybody at arm's length, who believes he is not worthy and will never be enough
And this love and passion between them that needs no boundaries nor definition
How they embrace each other
And how they are different from the image one might have
This book is an mm transgender romance that deals with transphobia, homophobia, and past abuse of the fear of being loved and feeling not good enough
And I loved AJ's dealing with other characters learning to accept what is new to them – it is a process for them too
It talks about us being more than body part – they don't define us – everybody deserves to be loved just as we are and just as we see ourselves
But is also filled with so much love and passion and I did not want to stop reading
And I was so happy to meet Roman and Jonah from Bully King again – still in love with them
"people are complex and should be able to feel comfortable in their own bodies"


full review:
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[Glenna Maynard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't get two percent in before I was messaging Andi, because my gut was clenching and my feels were already taking hold. Tainted is my first transgender romance I've read. I went into this book with zero expectations and I am so glad that I did. There are many things I want to say but I also don't want to spoil this book for anyone.
What I will say that this book resonated with me on so many levels. All anyone wants is to be loved and accepted for who we are. Dean broke my heart. His struggles gutted me, but his triumphs and acceptance of his true self left me with all the good feels. Taylor is truly sweet potato pie and damn near perfect. I love him.
I don't care what Andi says I need everyone to bug her for books on the rest of these characters. Brax kills me and I think everyone should have a bestie just like him. Whitney is a nutter but amazing.
They say you are never too old to learn and that's so true and fitting for how I feel after reading this beautiful story.
And on a personal note, Andi, I am so proud of you for putting yourself out there and taking a big leap of faith on this story. The world needs more beautiful souls like yours.

[Nikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

i hate it when trans characters are repeatedly deadnamed & misgendered in romance novels. the childhood home visit thing was weird too. just didn't like this book at all

[J.M. Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I found out that Andi was writing Taylor’s book, I was super excited. He had been through a lot in Bully King, so it just seemed fitting that he get his chance at his own happiness too. Well, poor guy had to work for that also.
This book…wow. After reading the prologue, I knew that it was going to hurt. I can’t imagine. I just can’t.
Dean is transgender and what he goes through, what he believes about himself, what his parents made him believe…it’s heartbreaking. All of it is heartbreaking. I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and keep him safe. He’s grumpy, hates life, is mean and holds people at arm’s length. He believes he’s unworthy of love even though that is so far from the truth. Braxton is his best friend and man, I love this character. I think we all need a Braxton in our lives.
When Taylor meets Dean for the first time, there’s an instant connection but of course Dean wants nothing to do with him. Why would Taylor want him, when no one else had? But I gotta give Taylor it. He’s persistent and patient. I knew I would love his character just from reading Bully King but I actually love him more than I thought I would.
Reading the way Taylor was with Dean, was awe inspiring. I wish more people could be like him. He’s a safe place and more people need that.
Andi did a really good job portraying Dean’s thoughts and feelings. My heart broke for him.
I am also super proud of Mikey, Dean’s brother. I won’t say why as I don’t want to give any spoilers but I ended up liking him near the end of the book.
It was so fun to see Roman and Jonah again. And I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think Tainted is my favourite of these books thus far.
I loved all of the side characters. Braxton is my favourite but Whitney is on a whole other level. I would love for these two to get books. But I believe Mary’s book is next? And if Andi is still going to do what she told me she’s going to do, I don’t think any of us are ready.
If I’m ever blessed with children, I want to be their safe space. I want them to know that they can come to me and tell me anything at all. I want them to know that whatever they identify as, I will support them. And if having kids isn’t in the cards for my husband and I, then I hope others know that they can come to me. No matter what. I am safe.

[Bethany (Bee_TheBibliophile) · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading Bully King, I was keeping my fingers crossed that we’d get Taylor’s story from Andi Jaxon and I’m so glad we did.

Taylor is a freshman college football player, trying to navigate a new school, team and city while also deciding when to open up about his sexuality. He’s a genuinely sweet guy and he always knows exactly what to say to make everyone around him comfortable and feel understood. Dean has faced a lot of heartbreak and judgement, making him grumpy and closed off. He struggles with accepting himself and what he has to offer a partner, making him even more introverted and hesitant to get close to anyone.

They both come from places that didn’t accept who they were - Taylor is town but not his family and Dean his family but not his friend. Seeing them connect on that was a great way to break the ice. The two of them together was unexpected but they definitely worked. What started out as lust and attraction quickly turned to understanding, acceptance and love. They really did bring out the best in each other and Taylor’s unwavering support of Dean was incredible to read.

I would have liked to see Dean and Taylor connect more outside of the physical. They talked a lot about some important things, but I feel like we didn’t get to see them get to know a lot about each other’s personalities. They fell in love fast and hard; I feel like the falling in love part is some of my favorite to read and there wasn’t a ton of that here.

Overall, this was a really great read and one that was outside of my normal selections, but I’m so glad I picked it up. Dean and Taylor’s story was one I didn’t know I needed to read until it was right in front of me.

[Between the sheets book reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Andi Jaxon delivers another awesome read. I loved Taylor in her previous book Bully King. I wanted to read his story, I felt as though he had gone through so much, I was so wanting him to find his happily ever after.
Well…. He does get it. Eventually. Oh boy does he have to work for it though. Enter Dean… I absolutely loved everything about him. His heavily guarded heart, his snarky attitude, his classic tough exterior with that beautiful melty insides. I was gutted when I started reading about his life and every hard thing he had to go through. It broke my heart.
I don’t normally read transgender stories but … well for one , it’s Andi Jaxon and two I was so intrigued to find out who captured Taylor’s heart.
I was NOT disappointed, this story was beautifully written. The side characters were well written also. I adored Brax and would love for Andi to write his story (hint, hint) would love it even more if it was with Mark …
Amazing story, would highly recommend.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Cassandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first Andi Jaxon book and it was brilliant. I couldn't come at Bully King because it's a trope I hate (though I'll give it a try after having finished this) but a story with a trans MC? I'm in!

I loved the realities this book gave us starting with Ashley being thrown out of home, transitioning to Dean and finding life is still just really fucking hard.
And Taylor? Oh my lord, Taylor is just the sweetest thing. I love how he loves everything about Dean. Who he is, how he is and that he finds the fact he is trans a massive turn on (cue the man pussy dialogue...).

I did struggle a bit with how depressed Dean was. It felt quite overwhelming at times but I also acknowledge the deliberateness of this. The issues around transitioning can't just be 'got over' so it was good to see the author not gloss them over just because one person loved him

This is a must read if you've read Bully King so see Taylor's HEA.

It's also a must read for anyone else

[Camila · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't know, sometimes this author sure seems to make ample use of stereotypes 😑 like at least try to calm that down a little.

I didn't see Dean's appeal and found him rather boring, absolutely tedious and there's nothing compelling about him that the author puts forth.

Taylor disappointed me. I really didn't like him here. And it seemed like he really really wanted to fuck Dean after he watched some porn and the whole situation felt pretty fetishized to me.

But let's get to why I really gave this book such a low rating. Mike. I felt bad for him. I know but hear me out. Look, growing up I was around my dad who didn't like emotions or talking about them and unknowingly, I adopted those traits and now at 25 every time I have an emotional moment or my feelings put out there, I feel like I want to hide under my blanket because it knots my stomach and makes me really uncomfortable. This is why I empathize with Mike. He wasn't handled right by any of the characters in this book. Obviously I don't agree with his initial words and behaviour, he was volatile but I can totally see how and why he would react this way.

Mike goes from confused to angry, to hurt, to angry again in a matter of seconds.

This is his reaction to finding out the sister he loved and worshipped as a child is not dead but is alive and now a man. Anyone would be shocked and hurt that they were lied to their whole life and the fact that his sibling was still out there somewhere and never reached or even explained anything to him must hurt him even worse. I can't imagine that pain.
....

“I want to see her,” Mike states.
“Him,” Mandy corrects. “I’m not setting him up to get hurt because you can’t get your shit straight. Dean is a man, and you will treat him as one. You will not deadname him or misgender him.”

Again, a lot of people would reply like Mandy but I don't agree with it. How bout trying another way and being calm and explaining things instead of giving out ultimatums? I mean do I disagree with her, no, i don't but I'm sensitive enough to not be a hardass to someone who just got shocking news. Mike is feeling so unsettled and Mandy's tough responses wouldn't help anyone in this situation but only make them frustrated. Instead, she should've talked calmly and KINDLY and not order him around. Of course she should be assertive so Dean doesn't get hurt but there's a difference between assertive and unkind to being assertive and kind. Assertive+being unkind is just being bitchy. Again, I want to make it clear I don't agree with everything Mike says or does, he messes up a lot but he was treated with disdain the whole time and after hearing him talk about Ashley, both Taylor and Mandy should've realized he deeply loved his sibling when he was a child and so being mean and setting ultimatums or threatening him isn't the right way to go about it. But it just gets worse and worse as the story progresses.

“Why didn’t she come back?”
He. He, you jackass.
I correct him in my head. It would probably start a fight if I said it out loud, but it bothers me every time he does it. I’m about ready to explode, though. It’s coming. The disrespect he’s showing for another human life is driving me up the wall.

stfu Taylor. You could try to be a little more understanding. You're bi and he clearly didn't fucking grow up around a gentle and progressive Momma like you. Oh and he's just had his world turned upside down so excuse him for thinking he could talk to you without you jumping on his back every 5 seconds he dissatisfies you. Let me repeat, getting someone's pronouns right can take time, coming to terms with the fact someone he loved is now a different gender can also take time, and denial and everything above is absolutely normal. But this circumstance is even more fucked up for Mike because HE WAS SURE HIS OLDER SIBLING WAS DEAD. So the disrespect you're seeing and hearing Taylor, how about you focus on what he's actually saying? "Why didn't she come back?" that's fucking heartbreaking but this piece of shit is opting to focus on what he doesn't like to hear.
...

“Your parents kicked him out. What do you expect him to do?”
“She could have tried.”
“He,” I snap before I can stop myself, downshifting as we come to a stop sign.
“She was my sister!” he barks as I turn down some road I’ve never seen before.
“He was your sister. Now he is your brother,” I spit back. “I realize you’ve spent your entire life referring to him as a she, but you have to stop. His name is Dean. He’s a dude.”

Again this piece of work is choosing to focus on how Mike is being politically incorrect rather than listening to him and trying to understand his deep hurt caused by his brother. Look, is Mike right in saying this? no ofc not but for fuck's sake, you need to see what's actually going on in front of you and not fucking seethe and snap whenever you fucking feel like it. It's not as easy as flipping a coin and start referring to someone as "he" rather than "she", be fucking patient and try to fucking explain slowly and calmly but none of these people ever try without it being said in anger or threats. Don't fucking tell someone in anger to just stop doing or saying something, tell them like a person would.. And why are you even riding around with Mike if you clearly don't like him? And the convenient going to Dean's right after is hilarious. The author sure isn't natural at natural encounters, is she.
...

“I don’t understand all the different gender and sexuality things,” he admits.
“Me either.” I shrug. “But people are complex and should be able to feel comfortable in their own bodies. Body dysmorphia or dysphoria or something like that, is a real thing.”

Finally, Mike is making it crystal fucking clear that he doesn't understand. And just because you have an iota of understanding Taylor due to past bullying in your own life, you cannot expect or force Mike to be like you or to accept things at your pace for fuck's sake.
...

Mandy mentioned that Mike talked to Dean, but Mike hasn’t said anything to me. I guess I shouldn’t feel bad about that. We’re teammates, not friends. We aren’t close, but I also can’t keep my distance from him since we’re roommates and play football together.

I fucking hate Taylor so much now. This piece of trash actually expects Mike to talk to him about something so personal after the way the Taylor snaps at him every 5 seconds? Just because you wanna fuck dean doesnt give you permission to bother Mike about it or even ask him straight up personal-ass shit questions? He also keeps spewing they're not friends and bitch you can keep your distance and mind your fucking business but just look at this shit:

“Hey, how are you doing finding out about your sibling?” I ask him.
Okay, it bothers me that he hasn’t talked to me about it. It’s a big deal, and I was there when he found out about it.
“I don’t know. It’s weird.” He tries to brush me off.
“You going to ask your parents about him?”
“You gotta stop calling it a him.” Mike shakes his head, dropping into a lunge.
“What?”
“Dean isn’t a man. Not really. Her name is Ashley.” He looks around the gym to make sure no one is listening to us, but I no longer give a fuck.
“If I ever hear you say that again, I’ll knock you out. We clear?” I stop what I’m doing to turn and stare at him.

Seriously, what's up with casually threatening and thinking about resorting to violence again and again? You can't fucking turn violent the second someone displeases you you piece of shit. Because as you further prove, you're letting out your own insecurities and to me he's essentially making it about him in his head because he thinks he understands on some level but he doesn't really, does he, not really. you don't know shit about shit about shit. You assume and you're aggressive towards Mike for what reason, exactly? All it did was rile him up, jackass. Also this guy is bringing up Dean and asking Mike if he'll ask his parents about him even though he clearly doesn't respect Mike or even considers him a friend. Mind your fucking business asshole if you don't even give a shit about Mike and only think with your dick rather than brain. It was at this moment I realized what a total shitty person Taylor is. I know Mike is volatile right now and he's confused and spewing hateful shit but he's just had the shock of his life and this is about someone he remembers as his sister, Ashley, give him a fucking break or better yet stop asking him questions if you're gonna threaten to hurt him only and not try to calmly explain or console him in his grief and misery over being lied to by his parents. Don't talk to him if his answers will only piss you off taylor. All Taylor cares about is Dean and vice-versa. I wish Mike had a friend who was patient and kind and didn't get angry every 2 seconds because they're hearing shit that displeases them.

And "he tries to brush me off" BITCH there's your proof he doesn't want to talk about it with you and WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU HE HASN'T TALKED ABOUT IT WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE? "it's a big deal" but it's extremely personal and oh you're the one who keeps saying and thinking Mike isn't your friend so your only agenda here was to fuck Dean and find out more about him, motherfucker. And the irony is amazing, Taylor was beat and stomped on in Bully King, I mean his best friend gave him the beating of a lifetime that resulted in Taylor taking a gun and almost killing himself had Jonah not been there to save him so the fact that he can so easily threaten to beat someone up or knock someone out is priceless and hypocritical af.

“The fuck is your problem?” Mike stands and moves into my space, getting into my face.
“I have enough respect for my fellow human beings to address him correctly.” My jaw clenches.
I get that he grew up with a sister, but come on. This is bullshit. I’m sure Dean has gone through some shit to get to where he is now, and Mike needs to respect that.
“You’re my friend. You should take my side.”
“I don’t blindly follow anyone except my momma.” And you're not my damn friend.
“Whatever, man.” He shakes his head and puts his AirPods into his ears.
Whatever is right. Fuck it.

This made me even sadder for Mike, it seems he seriously thought Taylor was his actual friend. Fuck you, Taylor. I thought Taylor was boring in Bully King but overall okay but here, not only is he boring and predictable, he's also an arsehole and a complete waste of time to read about in all honesty. And. Taylor, wake the fuck up and use your tiny brain, this is not about "respect for fellow human beings" lol dumbass the situation is dire and isn't as black as white as you're making it. Please get over yourself already. Is it okay to deadname and misgender someone? no ofc not and it's very fucking uncomfortable to hear it, but still I can put aside my misgivings about this and clearly see how mike would have enormous difficulty coming to terms with it and what? threatening is the answer each time? no man, have more nuance than that. if Mike is pissing you off so much then fucking walk away and don't fucking try to force your opinions on him and don't fucking try to get in his business.
...

Emotions flood my system again, making me fight with myself. Anger, despair, fear, sorrow, and regret. I left him in that hell alone. How can I expect anything other than hatred from him?

Yeah. You did leave him in hell alone. ALONE. BY HIMSELF. And you have the nerve to act self-righteous and high on your ass when this kid is clearly just hurt from being abandoned. You left him and the fact that your parents kicked you out doesn't diminish or excuse the act of abandoning the little kid who worshipped you and looked to you for guidance. You could have found a way to stay in his life if u truly wanted but you didn't even try. I have siblings and I have had a hard time with my dad too but I know that I would never cut off my siblings like Dean did Mike. It's wrong man. Stop pretending like it isnt, especially Taylor who keeps making excuses so he can have some false sort of sympathy and get his his dick wet.
...

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Taylor snaps at Mikey, shoving him away from the customer.
“What?” My brother laughs, catching me staring. He knows I heard what he said.
“Get the fuck off my property.” My voice is clear; every muscle in my body is tight, fists clenched and ready to cause damage.

Again, Mike acts out after Taylor is the one who brings him back after claiming they're not friends and again now Dean is the one who's thinking of hitting his brother over and over. From what I gather, Mike is clearly trying to get a rise out of Dean maybe to get his attention bc he's really not even trying to be friendly, he's just offputting, or maybe it's his dumbass way to express his hurt by trying to hurt Dean either way I feel for Mike, yes he was reckless but for some reason I also can't blame him but yes he was going about it the wrong way.
...

Is he standing up for me? It’s clear he’s tired of Mikey’s bullshit from the tense set of his shoulders under the OSU t-shirt and jerky movements as he gets back to sweeping.

Well ofc Dean he's standing up for u, he's an asshole with an agenda to fuck you and Mike has his own agenda that stems from pain and hurt, Taylor wants to fuck you really really bad and also doesn't like bullying yet also treats Mike like garbage when it's convenient. I feel neutral towards mike, I don't like him nor do i dislike him but i DEFINITELY dislike Dean and Taylor. And Mike's "bullshit"? how bout u try to look into Mike's bullshit instead of being pissed off. or u can be pissed off and also try to understand why Mike would be acting out to get your attention bc frankly every time he's in your vicinity you fucking ignore the shit outta him and act like he doesn't exist. anyone would be hurt by that shit.
...

Mikey and Taylor are having an intense conversation in the parking lot that I can’t hear, but it’s obviously not going well.
The last thing I need is a fistfight in my fucking parking lot, but one wrong word, and it’s me who’s going to swing that first punch... From the set of Taylor’s shoulders, he’s irritated, but he stays out there.

I can guess what the conversation is about and yeah Dean we get it you're gonna hurt your brother if he says anything wrong you don't like. Dude, don't any of these people care about the police? Hitting is not a simple things and you can get charged for it. Or the author has no reservations for this and doesn't like being practical, either way Idc but I got sick of the threat of bodily harm aimed at Mike.
...

Once or twice, I look for Mikey, but I can’t tell which one he is from where I am. He doesn’t seem to have his last name on his jersey, and I don’t know his number.
But today isn’t about my brother. A small part of me is sad at the realization. I should be here to support my brother, but instead...."

This is the moment that solidified my dislike for this sorry excuse of a person and brother. Today isn't about your brother? Yeah we know you make it perfectly clear it's about hopping on Taylor's dick and not at all about the kid you abandoned. Only a small part of you is sad? Is this guy for real? And no you don't have to hide from him to me that just sounds like an excuse to avoid the effort of getting to know your little brother and supporting him and finally attempting to get along.
...

Mikey shifts uncomfortably at the way Braxton checks him out, and I’m forced to hide my amusement.

I get that Braxton wants to take the attention off Dean but flirting and borderline sexual harassment isn't it sis and I'm saying this because Braxton invades his personal space and yeah yeah i know most likely they'll get their own book but idc let's call a spade a spade. And Dean, thanks so much for being amused by your brother's discomfort. As if you can even get any lower than u were already.
...

I wish I could hate him, but I don’t. I left and didn’t come back. I can’t blame him for being angry with me. It would be a lot easier if I did.

HAH! The truth, plain as day. Fuck you, Dean. I understand being transgender caused your parents to be dicks to you but what you did to Mike is abysmal and for some unforgivable as well.
..

“Hey.” I reach for Mike’s arm, and he stops before exiting the dorm room.
“What’s up?”
“You know of a way to get booze in here? I want to get drunk tonight.”
A smile curves slowly on his face, and he nods. “Yeah, I can probably make that work.”
On our way down to the locker room, he texts someone. I don’t ask any more questions, since I don’t want to know what he’s doing.

You're such an asshole Taylor, you don't want to be Mike's friend, your clear dislike of him has been made obvious time and time again but my god, you're still gonna use him to get drunk? and then the cherry on top "...I don't want to know what he's doing." Okay? screw you man. You're such a piece of garbage man.
...

By some miracle, when I get back to my room, there’s vodka on the couch.

Mike does come through with the alcohol, how bout saying thank you, you dickhead?

Idk guys, I could go on and on about how Mike was sorely mishandled and i've seen in the reviews how people hate him but I'm choosing to see this from a different perspective in which not everything is black and white. I don't think I will read any more books from this author, even in the book In Between starring Mary, Julian and Dylan, Mary was always a fucking second choice and second thought for Julian and Dylan who were simply more focused on each other the whole time and it was honestly hard to read man, fuck, didn't Mary go through enough before? she deserved so much better. God this author did Mary so wrong, I'm actually shocked by it.

Anyways, I do not recommend this book.

[Nina ~ Meleth Bookaddicted ~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Special. Emotional. Hard to read at times. Yet, I wished there were more books like TAINED by Andi Jaxon. A story of a transgender man overcoming self-loathing, lack of confidence, loneliness, and his displaced feeling of thinking himself not worthy. Of acceptance. Of love – not platonic – and most certainly not the romantic kind. God, it hurt so much watching Dean struggle. Being in his head. Feeling his pain. I wanted to cocoon him and shield him from the world.

That’s when Taylor enters his world. He is almost ten years younger than Dean, yet everything he never knew he needed. Taylor … well, he was everything. Immediately accepting, open and considerate. Willing to learn everything there is to know about Dean – about his gender identity, and, most importantly, about Dean as a human being. The man’s snarky, surly attitude intrigued him, and no matter how hard Dean tried to push him away, he persisted, never giving up. It was beautiful and made me feel all gooey inside.

Though I haven’t read many trans love stories, I’ve read many, many gay romances, so I’ve come across my fair share of disgusting homophobic hate. But this one … this one gutted me. It cut me open more times than I want to admit. I’m still not okay. Homophobia and transphobia are a disgusting thing. On the other hand, this book will also make you stop and think, wanting to ask your own questions. It’s raw and honest, not sugarcoating anything, which I appreciate.

A beautiful love story about finding and fully embracing your true self. It’s tragic and sweet. Heartwarming. And steamy, too.

Now here’s to hoping Braxton, aka Guncle Braxy, Dean’s one true friend, will get his story told too. I’m ready for this funny, supportive, flamboyant man to find his HEA too.