An intimate and original memoir of love, grief and male friendship by one of Scotland’s brightest young talents.
Ever feel like you were fated to be friends with someone? An alchemy in your meeting, instant fondness – part chemical, part kismet. This is how I’ve felt about every friend I’ve fallen in love with – none so much as you.
In 2018, Michael Pedersen lost a most cherished friend soon after their collective voyage into the landscape and luminosity of the Scottish Highlands. Sitting at a desk at The Curfew Tower, Northern Ireland, Michael begins to write to his departed friend – Scott Hutchison. What starts as a love letter to one magical, coruscating human soon becomes a paean to many friendships – perhaps all friendship.
In Boy Friends , Pedersen confronts the bewildering process of grief. As memories rise to the surface – both heart-wrenching and hilarious – he recalls his younger the overly sensitive boy growing up in working-class Edinburgh; his befuddling stint in an ancient collegiate university; a short-lived, combustible career as a lawyer; and, foremost, the gorgeous male friendships that have transformed his life.
Written to glitter, with intoxicating energy, Boy Friends is a powerful depiction of friendship and loss, a homage to the beauty of moments shared.
This is hard to review because of the sensitive subject matter. Grief is complex and everyone has a different experience of it. I just didn't enjoy the book or the style of writing particularly. However others may get a lot from it so I wouldn't not recommend it
“It’s vitally important to keep talking about those we miss, the wonder they unleashed, the immense talent they possessed and the joy they furnished upon our faces.”
I don’t quite know how to put into words how I feel about this book. “I love it” doesn’t seem like the right choice of words, “beautiful” doesn’t quite convey how powerful the words inside are. How can you review a book showing the world how much the authors friendships mean to them? About how the loss of one so significant, rocked their life?
I often say I am in love with many of my friends. This isn’t the same love I have for my wife but it’s just as intense at times. Without many important friendships I wouldn’t be the person I am today and so I’m grateful for all that I have- for I am truly blessed with so many wonderfully, emotional, intense ones such as Michael conveys in this book…. But I’ll never be able to put it into words as well as he has.
Boy Friends is so important in a time where men are being encouraged to be more open about their feelings instead of bottling it up inside and imploding. Michael has bled his heart and soul onto the pages for us all to see; sharing treasured memories and entrusting his readers with moments so special. There are many people across the world who were impacted by the life and words of Scott Hutchison, and Michael has written this beautiful piece of work in Scott’s honour that will be sure to impact any reader.
We should always find a way to make sure those we have loved and lost are never forgotten. Never forget to speak about them, pass on their stories so that even though they are gone their legacy remains. This book does just that; a beautiful act of friendship between boy friends.
It really will make you hug those you love a little bit tighter the next time you’re with them.
Written by the prize-winning Scottish poet Michael Pedersen, about the death of his best friend Scott Hutchison, lead singer of the Scottish band ‘Frightened Rabbit’. Michael beautifully explores their friendship and his grief.
It feels like this book is Michael’s catharsis in dealing with his loss.
It is so cleverly written. Perfectly pitched between being heartbreakingly emotive, yet never overly-dramatic or dark.
I can’t recommend this one enough… though have some tissues at hand.
Although the prose is really good, I just couldn't concentrate on the story, and actually DNF'd it at 65%. Things are going on in my life that I really did NOT want to read something depressing/heartstring-pulling. I might revisit it somewhere down the line - but doubt it.
against my wishes this man is a very good writer. a fun book with lots of lovely images. is it an illuminating portrait of grief? not to me. but a very nice memoir.
Pederson is such a well armed writer, so it was a pleasure to read such rich language from a technical view, and an honour to read from an emotional view. It is also so bizarre to read this, knowing the places he is talking about are sometimes quite literally next door to me. He talks about how as he writes this, his word processor refuses to even acknowledge the term 'Boy friends' and the way he describes people is so beautiful, so I pray with all my might that these people have read this and seen how loved they are. To be described as Michael describes... For a few pages at the beginning, he almost lost me; I couldn't digest the flowery descriptions and my mind was not patient enough. But I loved the concept so much I wanted to give it the time of day. Initially, the Curfew segments lagged and felt stagnant to the memories he interspersed (was this the point?: to portray grief as this time-stopper and the memories as revitalisers?- also side point: Focus on Curfew because their time was up?) And my other criticism was that I imagine he was trying to be honest with us exposing the Katharine Kilalea scenes, but it just seemed to dig his hole further for me; it turned him from this flawed but trying underdog into this unlikeable man with issues- who is at least honest to some degree. I know that grief turns us all in to different people so him noting this here is not necessarily a reflection of his best self (and maybe that was an artistic choice to show grief in its true light) but I still think she deserved a better apology than this. And somehow in a memoir fundamentally dedicated first and foremost to friends, he still strikes me as quite self-centred. Nevertheless, I loved the discussion of his love so intimately here. His relationships are not sexual nor romantic, but also not not. It can be more than those without being them. It's not a competition. He has this intense love for this man and these people and that can be it. This can be his life. Turning postcards and a bottle of wine into this heart wrenching story is so beautiful and how oysters cropped up throughout was touching. Realising that the author photo at the back was taken from one of he and Scott for their book wrecked me a little, but reemphasised how this book was not just a story and how everything we do when we survive our loved ones, includes them.
Life. Death. Friendship. I thought this was a really vulnerably honest memoir where the author doesn’t shy away from writing his every emotion down on the page. Kinda wish all straight men were this in touch with their emotions.
I picked this up completely by happy accident as I wandered into Rough Trade (mainly because it came with a free tote bag and who can't resist a free tote?!)
I was so glad to have discovered this book; an utterly beautiful story of male friendships and how to allow yourself to be vulnerable and loved by your friends. It is unfortunately assumed and indoctrinated into society that male friendships aren't supposed to be intimate and so 'full-on' but the book seems to centre on this attributing to how miserable the world seems. If men were 'allowed' to hold hands and spoon with one another as often seen in friendships between women then perhaps the devastating male suicide rate wouldn't be quite so high.
The book is a tender homage and tribute to Scott Hutchinson who took his own life in 2018. Pedersen recalls his most intimate memories and moments with Hutchinson and instead of being gripped with a fear of evanescence he keeps Hutchinson's life alight and uses his grief to create a masterpiece.
“I always found friends who wanted to love too much, who collided rather than simply met.”
I came across Scott Hutchison many years ago after hearing Frightened Rabbit on the radio, I came across Michael Pedersen through reading Hollie McNish and when I saw this book was coming out many months ago I knew I wanted to read it. I have now just finished reading it and found it to be as beautiful as I expected. It was like having an intimate conversation with a friend, which essentially it is as it is written to Scott. It covers male friendships in a way that is often overlooked and speaks about grief in all its facets without apology. I feel better for having read it.
I don't really think I can think of the words for a proper review right now as this one is going to stay with me for a while. All I can say is that it spent ages on my wishlist as a pre-order, sat for about 4 days in my tbr pile and read over the course of 6 days- with several breaks to look out the window watching world passing by and just stare whilst deep in thought (yip definitely going to stay with me for a while this one). It now sits in my '100% need to read again' pile.
A great book for someone who has ever lost a close friend or indeed a friendship that moved on - someone you spent endless time with living in their pockets and now nothing... - most likely because life happens, people move, job/careers, relationships etc.
A lot of us (and even some men) have rethought about our relationships post Covid and this is for anyone that mebbes has that friendship that you take for granted...
This is a beautiful book about male friendship and grief. I never had the privilege of knowing or even meeting Scott Hutchinson but his music makes him feel so relatable. A pleasure to immerse myself in what seems to have been a remarkable friendship and life.
I thought this was beautiful. I took pictures of bits of it and sent them to friends as I was reading; even now I'm packaging it up to send it to its next owner. Compelling and moving and intimate and poetic and beautiful.
Bizar om een memoir te lezen over het verlies van een van mijn favoriete muzikanten ooit, Scott Hutchison van Frightened Rabbit.
De auteur, een dichter die dikke vrienden met hem was, schrijft zo helder en warm over zijn rouw dat het pijn doet en bijna fout voelt om te lezen, als een dagboek - wel met genoeg duistere (twijfelachtige) humor, wilde (twijfelachtige) anekdotes en dichterlijke kunstigheid dat het niet te pittig of ondraaglijk duister wordt.
Sterker nog, het boek doet me een beetje denken aan Scotts teksten door een soort extreme emotionele openheid, een duistere knipoog en vooral een stiekeme hoopvolheid die zelfs bij de pijnlijkste stukken opduikt. Heel mooi.
It has been almost 9 months since you left and since I received this book from a friend. It took some courage to start reading this, knowing full well the flood gates of tears and emotions are bound to open, but it was so worth it.
This book made me realise that grief evolves with time and things that I thought would be impossible 9 months ago are now reality. Just as Keanu said: "Grief changes shape but never ends." Definitely a book I will revisit later in my grief journey.
Giving this 4 stars because fuck me the author uses hard words lmao
This heartfelt piece of writing from Michael Pedersen to Scott Hutchison, talking about friendship and loss, is a remarkable and heartfelt tribute to a wonderful human being.
Starting out in an artists residency shortly after Scott’s death, Michael Pedersen reflects on his time spent with different male friends throughout his life, talking about them (through us) directly to Scott. The second part then moving to the days immediately prior to his death before finally developing into a meditation on grief and then growth within grief. Along the way, Pedersen provides an incredibly moving account of friendship. Not just with Scott Hutchison, it is a love letter to male friendship as a whole. Pedersen writes: “Friendships might just be the greatest love affairs of our lives”, I think this sums up this book perfectly (which is probably why it features on the reverse of the cover).
As a fan who felt a part of the pain of losing him, it is reassuring to know that Scott’s last days were filled with a little life and love and laughter. What we have been given here is startlingly intimate and tremendously beautiful. Pedersen exercises a masterful use of language. His words plunge and rise like water. At once somber and heartbreaking, and then effervescent and witty.
I loved this. I loved it as a Frightened Rabbit fan, a Michael Pedersen fan and as someone trying to come to terms with personal grief. Read this, gift this and for God’s sake hug your friends.
I loved the premise of this book as it is described to celebrate male friendship while dealing with grief after the sudden loss of the author’s friend through suicide. I feel like the topic is important to address. And I appreciated the author’s honesty, but I unfortunately didn’t really warm to the author as a personality. With such a personal work I think this affected how I connected to the book.
One of my main issues was the style of this book. The language was flowery to the point of lacking focus on the friendships. For such a short book it was such a struggle to get through and I found 90% of it boring. Some of my favourite lines were the more simple ones that referred to the loss of his friends and his feelings about him, for example:
“I was in love with how I felt around you. I still am.”
“I will study these days like a faith- an inherited religion that never quite fits.” (In reference to the days before the death of his friend)
“… I am not yet home from our trip so you can’t be dead. The ink is still wet on the pages so there is no way the books gone up in flames.”
But these few lines or anecdotes weren’t enough to save this story that was drowning in purpled prose about scenery or the author’s obsession with Harry Potter… I never felt a strong sense of any of his friends. They always felt like snippets of people unfortunately.
Definitely 5 stars, without question. Couldn’t put it down yet willing myself to try to go slower so it wouldn’t be over… but failing as I found myself waking in the night & having another sneaky read. Michael Pedersen uses glorious language - alliteration aplenty (see what I just did there!) and every other page I enjoyed words I’d rarely seen in print or had to look up the meaning of. For example Sui generis, kismet, salmagundi, gallimaufry, tenebrous & kenspeckled. And all with a Scottish bent- he’s from ‘Porty’ (Portobello) in Edinburgh, or ‘Edina’ as he calls the Mother city. I simply loved what he says about friendships & grief. I had heard of Frightened Rabbit the band but did not know of Scott Hutchison & his death in 2018, but that did not affect my appreciation of the book. I’m sure this is & will remain one of my favourite ever books. I plans to re-read it, to look back over the many marks I made as I went. It’s super special (alliteration 😉). I now want to see him at EdBookFest.
This book was not for me. I had no connection to the story. This would probably be great for someone who knew the author and had actual stakes in his life and a connection to the people in it. The writing was… let’s just say it was obvious the author was a poet. Every sentence was so complex and descriptive I zoned out half the time. I’ve never experienced grief so couldn’t connect to his. I also don’t care about travelling. If you really look at it critically, the travel wasn’t that interested and it’s not like I really learn about the countries. I guess learning about Scott and what happened (not that it really talked about that) was worth the £14.99. Can’t put a price on knowledge. Beautiful cover. (I will say, I put on Scott Hutchinson’s songs on and was reading about him. This made me choke up a little on the college coach. Suicide is sad. That’s the simple truth).
Me da rabia no valorarlo mejor porque la verdad es que el inicio me pegó bien fuerte y me ha tenido aferrada al lápiz durante toda la lectura. Hacía mucho que no subrayaba tanto. Me alegro muchísimo de haberle dado una segunda oportunidad dado que ya hice una intentona el año pasado en formato audiolibro pero no acabé de conectar con la voz de Pedersen. Como libro, sin embargo, ya me tenía conquistada y al borde de la lágrima desde la introducción.
Poco se habla de la amistad y su peso. De lo mucho que nos cambia y nos salva el tener a ciertas personas en nuestra vida. Lamentablemente, la razón de ser de este libro es el duelo. El dolor de la pérdida está presente en cada página pese al mensaje esperanzador y el potente sentimiento de agradecimiento que transmite el autor a través del recorrido que hace de algunas amistades destacadas de su vida. Lo de la amistad masculina y el cómo expresar ese amor también es un temazo.
La delicadeza de las reflexiones de Pedersen me ha hecho pensar en más de una ocasión "Ojalá pudiera escribir así" y creo que con eso ya vale la pena recomendar el libro. Pero mentiría si no dijera que me ha faltado un algo para dar con una lectura redonda. Pese a eso, creo que es un texto increíble para todos los que queremos pararnos a reflexionar sobre el amor hacia nuestros amigos.
I DNF'd this about halfway through. Pretentious as hell. And deeply cruel, the way the writer uses stories of how he has hurt and terrorised people with seemingly no remorse, especially women, just sits so badly with me. Reading this was deeply unpleasant.
After watching Michael speak about this book live, I felt like I was so intimate with the people he described here. I could really feel his grief like it was mine. But above all, I fell in love with his poetic writing - do I know all of the words he used? No - but I sure did enjoy the poetry of it all.