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Ten Things I Hate About Me
'This is a remarkable book. The honesty is startling and potent'
Dawn French
'You have to buy this book. I mean it. It's very funny and sad and utterly true. It's a life-saver'
Miriam Margolyes
Hi. I hope you're ok.
My name's Joe, and I have one job, every don't kill myself.
I live with a complex mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
15% of people with BPD die by suicide, and 40% try.
I'm already in the 40%. My job is to keep out of the 15%.
In this book I want to try and explain what life is like when you have a brain that is essentially trying to murder you every day. It's a collection of the funny, sad and shocking stuff that has happened to me along the way.
Writing this book has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It had to be dragged into the world, with my condition telling me that every single word, sentence and chapter was terrible and would make strangers walk up to me in the street and punch me in the face.
But I had run out of options. I'd done everything I 'd been told to do and I still thought about killing myself every day. So I wrote this book to save my life.
But if there is even the smallest chance that me telling you how I live with me helps you live with you; if it opens up a space for someone, somewhere to be more honest about their mental illness, it will have been worth it.
Please don't kill yourself.
Love Joe xx
'Please read this book. It will make the world a better place'
James O'Brien
'This book will save lives'
Lorraine Kelly
'Just holding this book will make you a better person'
Paddy McGuinness
'Truly ground-breaking...I gulped it down in one greedy go, crying and laughing as I went'
Bryony Gordon
'Painfully honest but funny and very human'
Shaparak Khorsandi
'I loved its humour, compassion and deep honesty'
Katherine May
'He tries to explain what your life is like when you essentially have a brain that's trying to kill you every day.'
Davina McCall
Dawn French
'You have to buy this book. I mean it. It's very funny and sad and utterly true. It's a life-saver'
Miriam Margolyes
Hi. I hope you're ok.
My name's Joe, and I have one job, every don't kill myself.
I live with a complex mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
15% of people with BPD die by suicide, and 40% try.
I'm already in the 40%. My job is to keep out of the 15%.
In this book I want to try and explain what life is like when you have a brain that is essentially trying to murder you every day. It's a collection of the funny, sad and shocking stuff that has happened to me along the way.
Writing this book has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It had to be dragged into the world, with my condition telling me that every single word, sentence and chapter was terrible and would make strangers walk up to me in the street and punch me in the face.
But I had run out of options. I'd done everything I 'd been told to do and I still thought about killing myself every day. So I wrote this book to save my life.
But if there is even the smallest chance that me telling you how I live with me helps you live with you; if it opens up a space for someone, somewhere to be more honest about their mental illness, it will have been worth it.
Please don't kill yourself.
Love Joe xx
'Please read this book. It will make the world a better place'
James O'Brien
'This book will save lives'
Lorraine Kelly
'Just holding this book will make you a better person'
Paddy McGuinness
'Truly ground-breaking...I gulped it down in one greedy go, crying and laughing as I went'
Bryony Gordon
'Painfully honest but funny and very human'
Shaparak Khorsandi
'I loved its humour, compassion and deep honesty'
Katherine May
'He tries to explain what your life is like when you essentially have a brain that's trying to kill you every day.'
Davina McCall
304 pages, Hardcover
Published December 6, 2022
110 people are currently reading
1734 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
October 4, 2022
Mental illness and suicidality are rarely spoken of with the clarity and honesty that Tracini uses. I appreciate it greatly. I know that this book was emotionally fraught for him to write, but I would happily read many more books by him. Also strongly recommend the audiobook which has additional emotion and humor.
September 8, 2022
BOOK REVIEW
“Feelings aren’t a choice. We don’t choose how we feel. The only choice we have is weather or not to tell someone about it”
I managed to get my hands on this book 4 days early and devoured the whole thing in a day. I’ll start by saying that this book is a very heavy read, and as Joe points out, if you’re not ready to read this book or easily triggered then please don’t read it.
That being said, I can honestly say, that this is one of the most raw and honest books I have ever read. To see Joes life, soul and mistakes laid out on paper really takes willpower and strength. For me, the reason that I think this book is so impacting and moving is because he doesn’t write this out of a place of being ‘fixed’ or better’ but, as he says a number of time, he’s still broken and willing to give us an insight into that brokenness. The thing that I think I liked most (if that’s that right word to use) is making people see that just because you’ve been fixed once, it’s okay to break against, it’s not a once fixed always fixed kind of illness.
I feel that BPD is often a dirty word in the mental health world, but to see the realness and power that It holds over someone’s life is a real eye opener and I’m so glad, however hard it must have been to write, it is out there in public. Joes story is far from pretty and very heartbreaking at times and the reason behind him writing this book is one of pure honestly. Not only is this book moving but I feel it will be educational not only for those without the illness, but for those with it to know that it’s okay to feel these things.
Final note to say is to say that the comedy in this book will have you laughing at things you thought were morally wrong to laugh at, but here you are belly laughing at suicidal jokes.
Bravo Mr Tracini what a masterpiece you have created, thank you for letting us into your mind and life! May this book be somebody’s Benny Hill track.
“The trouble with being a suicidal magician is that it’s remerkably hard to kill yourself “
“Feelings aren’t a choice. We don’t choose how we feel. The only choice we have is weather or not to tell someone about it”
I managed to get my hands on this book 4 days early and devoured the whole thing in a day. I’ll start by saying that this book is a very heavy read, and as Joe points out, if you’re not ready to read this book or easily triggered then please don’t read it.
That being said, I can honestly say, that this is one of the most raw and honest books I have ever read. To see Joes life, soul and mistakes laid out on paper really takes willpower and strength. For me, the reason that I think this book is so impacting and moving is because he doesn’t write this out of a place of being ‘fixed’ or better’ but, as he says a number of time, he’s still broken and willing to give us an insight into that brokenness. The thing that I think I liked most (if that’s that right word to use) is making people see that just because you’ve been fixed once, it’s okay to break against, it’s not a once fixed always fixed kind of illness.
I feel that BPD is often a dirty word in the mental health world, but to see the realness and power that It holds over someone’s life is a real eye opener and I’m so glad, however hard it must have been to write, it is out there in public. Joes story is far from pretty and very heartbreaking at times and the reason behind him writing this book is one of pure honestly. Not only is this book moving but I feel it will be educational not only for those without the illness, but for those with it to know that it’s okay to feel these things.
Final note to say is to say that the comedy in this book will have you laughing at things you thought were morally wrong to laugh at, but here you are belly laughing at suicidal jokes.
Bravo Mr Tracini what a masterpiece you have created, thank you for letting us into your mind and life! May this book be somebody’s Benny Hill track.
“The trouble with being a suicidal magician is that it’s remerkably hard to kill yourself “
June 20, 2023
I don’t usually write reviews but for this one I have to.
I don’t know in what stage of your life you’re right now, or why you’re searching for these kind of books or reading this particular book reviews. But I know that if you’re here this book is for you, trust me on that.
You’re not in for a self help book journey, this is about having someone telling you they understand how you feel and how fucked up your brain can be.
There’s no better way to put it for me. Has someone who recently got diagnosed, I’m not at a stage where I’ve completely accepted it, but this book helped a lot. And you should really be more open about how you feel, and I’m sure you, just like me, have a lot of people that really care about you
We’re gonna need a lot more than sunlight and getting in shape, but we will get there, so please hold on ❤️
I don’t know in what stage of your life you’re right now, or why you’re searching for these kind of books or reading this particular book reviews. But I know that if you’re here this book is for you, trust me on that.
You’re not in for a self help book journey, this is about having someone telling you they understand how you feel and how fucked up your brain can be.
There’s no better way to put it for me. Has someone who recently got diagnosed, I’m not at a stage where I’ve completely accepted it, but this book helped a lot. And you should really be more open about how you feel, and I’m sure you, just like me, have a lot of people that really care about you
We’re gonna need a lot more than sunlight and getting in shape, but we will get there, so please hold on ❤️
December 26, 2022
I have BPD, and this was less of a 'self-help' book and more of a commiserations book, and that's why I adored it. Having somebody put their arm around you and proselytize is something you find all too much in books, but having someone pat your arm and say 'yeah, I get that' with real empathy in their voice is very rare, and this felt like walking in the park with somebody who wasn't judging me. To all my fellow BPD brothers, sisters and enby siblings alike... wait for a bit.
November 15, 2022
I'm a big fan of Joe Tracini, so I was keen to read this book as soon as it was released. It was an enjoyable and interesting book. Joe's likability and humour that you can see on TV come across in the book, and I enjoyed the autobiographical element of hearing about Joe's life.
It is fantastic to know that Joe has overcome some of the things he has, and no doubt this book will help many people. However, although he explains his mental health and BPD well, I found it hard to relate to many of the points, and because of this, some parts felt not relevant or repetitive.
It's particularly worth listening to the audiobook - much emotion and vulnerability come across in certain places.
It is fantastic to know that Joe has overcome some of the things he has, and no doubt this book will help many people. However, although he explains his mental health and BPD well, I found it hard to relate to many of the points, and because of this, some parts felt not relevant or repetitive.
It's particularly worth listening to the audiobook - much emotion and vulnerability come across in certain places.
June 14, 2025
I was given this book as a gift, and I can't for the life of me remember who by - it's all a bit of a mystery. The edition I have is from 2023, so that means it was a gift from someone in the last two years... and it's a very interesting gift for someone to have given me. Considering I know virtually no one IRL on GoodReads, I can be honest about it... WHY did someone feel it appropriate to gift me this? It's a memoir about someone with BPD - a condition I have never been diagnosed with. Were they suggesting I should be diagnosed with BPD? Or that they can see similar characteristics between me and Joe Tracini? Or they thought this my diagnosis, and got mixed up? (I suppose there is one similar letter in c-PTSD and SEED... Incidentally, the word is 'disorder', so that would've been a, er, lazy kind of mistake.) Or just general purpose 'ah, look, someone with a mental health problem - they'll be able to relate?'
I'm a bit mystified...
Of course, the mystery gifter could have been a fan of Joe Tracini (who I've never heard of, by the way). According to him, he's quite famous - partly for talking about mental health issues so openly on TikTok (I don't and have never had TikTok), partly for having a famous dad (... I think?), partly for being in some series (which is never named because I think readers are supposed to know, because it's obviously just THAT famous), and apparently he also posted a lot of dance tutorials (SO RANDOM) during the Pandemic (again on TikTok).
So, this was read completely out of obligation; I won't pretend otherwise.
It was an okay book - not terrible. (Although some of the typos were - sorry!) I'm glad that Joe Tracini wrote it because he seemed to have benefited from it; one of his strategies to not kill himself is to tell other people about how it feels to want to kill yourself, and it sort of holds him accountable. (That was an oversimplification, apologies). I totally get the holding yourself accountable; I sometimes think, 'okay, I can't do x because I've got to do y first.' (X being something self-destructive, y being a planned activity that involves other people). So, mystery gifter did, inadvertently (?), find a similarity between us. (There are actually a lot more similarities but I don't want to go into them in a public review.)
Another similarity is that we both dislike self-help type books, oh the irony! He originally wanted to call this I Hate Self Help Books, and I appreciate that irony. But it's not a self-help book, it's a memoir, and there are plenty of TRIGGERS. Tracini is pretty good about it and tells you about them in advance, eg. "If reading descriptions of incidents of self-harm and suicide is potentially going to be bad for you, you should turn to page 106. I wish I could do the same but unfortunately it's my f*cking life." He has some self-awareness, but not as much as he thinks he does; I think it's safe to say that people who find these kind of things triggering will find it VERY HARD to not read them if the book is in their hands. It feels more like a gesture - performative.
Anyway, I forced myself to read this out of obligation, and I don't want to spend too much more writing a review. If you aren't familiar with addiction, self-destructive behaviours, suicide and suicidal ideation, this book may be quite a shock. I kind of feel like he wants to be shocking?
But, I promised myself not to judge - and what am I JUST doing? Sorry. Maybe this review will be deleted... (I wish you could have private reviews, so I could just write some stuff to future me, to read back to myself lol). Honestly, I'm glad he's found a way to manage his life better, and this might be an interesting rollercoaster/train crash introduction to mental health problems for some people.
It would have been interesting to see what he thinks of the term BPD, and how it's generally avoided nowadays - there's such a stigma around it. It used to be thought of as the 'um, we're not sure what's wrong with you, so here's a label!' mental illness. And then it got associated with teenagers attention seeking in the mental health world - all very bad/sad stuff. I'm not sure if Tracini is aware of this, or chose not to talk about it. However, if BPD works for him to describe and survive his life, then take the label, by all means.
As for the gift... still mystified, lol.
I'm a bit mystified...
Of course, the mystery gifter could have been a fan of Joe Tracini (who I've never heard of, by the way). According to him, he's quite famous - partly for talking about mental health issues so openly on TikTok (I don't and have never had TikTok), partly for having a famous dad (... I think?), partly for being in some series (which is never named because I think readers are supposed to know, because it's obviously just THAT famous), and apparently he also posted a lot of dance tutorials (SO RANDOM) during the Pandemic (again on TikTok).
So, this was read completely out of obligation; I won't pretend otherwise.
It was an okay book - not terrible. (Although some of the typos were - sorry!) I'm glad that Joe Tracini wrote it because he seemed to have benefited from it; one of his strategies to not kill himself is to tell other people about how it feels to want to kill yourself, and it sort of holds him accountable. (That was an oversimplification, apologies). I totally get the holding yourself accountable; I sometimes think, 'okay, I can't do x because I've got to do y first.' (X being something self-destructive, y being a planned activity that involves other people). So, mystery gifter did, inadvertently (?), find a similarity between us. (There are actually a lot more similarities but I don't want to go into them in a public review.)
Another similarity is that we both dislike self-help type books, oh the irony! He originally wanted to call this I Hate Self Help Books, and I appreciate that irony. But it's not a self-help book, it's a memoir, and there are plenty of TRIGGERS. Tracini is pretty good about it and tells you about them in advance, eg. "If reading descriptions of incidents of self-harm and suicide is potentially going to be bad for you, you should turn to page 106. I wish I could do the same but unfortunately it's my f*cking life." He has some self-awareness, but not as much as he thinks he does; I think it's safe to say that people who find these kind of things triggering will find it VERY HARD to not read them if the book is in their hands. It feels more like a gesture - performative.
Anyway, I forced myself to read this out of obligation, and I don't want to spend too much more writing a review. If you aren't familiar with addiction, self-destructive behaviours, suicide and suicidal ideation, this book may be quite a shock. I kind of feel like he wants to be shocking?
But, I promised myself not to judge - and what am I JUST doing? Sorry. Maybe this review will be deleted... (I wish you could have private reviews, so I could just write some stuff to future me, to read back to myself lol). Honestly, I'm glad he's found a way to manage his life better, and this might be an interesting rollercoaster/train crash introduction to mental health problems for some people.
It would have been interesting to see what he thinks of the term BPD, and how it's generally avoided nowadays - there's such a stigma around it. It used to be thought of as the 'um, we're not sure what's wrong with you, so here's a label!' mental illness. And then it got associated with teenagers attention seeking in the mental health world - all very bad/sad stuff. I'm not sure if Tracini is aware of this, or chose not to talk about it. However, if BPD works for him to describe and survive his life, then take the label, by all means.
As for the gift... still mystified, lol.
September 17, 2022
**Listened to the audio book**
I have been aware of Joe Tracini for some time, as I was a huge fan of Joe Pasquale growing up, and so saw Tracini involved with some of Pasquales entertainment shoes. I specifically remember him singing a rendition of 'Bojangles' in a show.
Joe Tracini came back on my radar (and pretty much the whole nations) during the Covid Lockdown period with his hilarious social media videos. I adored his 'dance tutorials'. Tracini was also very open and honest about his mental health during this time too and regularly posted videos about his struggles.
I have had this book on pre-order ever since Tracini announced he was writing this book.
Having suffered from my own mental health and PTSD for many years, I always like to hear from others who can share their own personal stories.
This book is incredibly honest, and I know it cannot have been easy to write. But it is so beneficial and I know that this book will save many people's lives. The book is a real rollercoaster ride of emotions, echoing the life of Tracini himself.
I love how Tracini brings his humour to the book - even in the darkest of situations.
I absolutely loved listening to Joe Tracini narrate the audio book, and it just brought everything to life so much more than just reading the hardback. Even though it's a tough listen at times, I will definitely be revisiting this book and listening again.
Absolutely unique. Absolutely brilliant!
Thank you Joe!!
I have been aware of Joe Tracini for some time, as I was a huge fan of Joe Pasquale growing up, and so saw Tracini involved with some of Pasquales entertainment shoes. I specifically remember him singing a rendition of 'Bojangles' in a show.
Joe Tracini came back on my radar (and pretty much the whole nations) during the Covid Lockdown period with his hilarious social media videos. I adored his 'dance tutorials'. Tracini was also very open and honest about his mental health during this time too and regularly posted videos about his struggles.
I have had this book on pre-order ever since Tracini announced he was writing this book.
Having suffered from my own mental health and PTSD for many years, I always like to hear from others who can share their own personal stories.
This book is incredibly honest, and I know it cannot have been easy to write. But it is so beneficial and I know that this book will save many people's lives. The book is a real rollercoaster ride of emotions, echoing the life of Tracini himself.
I love how Tracini brings his humour to the book - even in the darkest of situations.
I absolutely loved listening to Joe Tracini narrate the audio book, and it just brought everything to life so much more than just reading the hardback. Even though it's a tough listen at times, I will definitely be revisiting this book and listening again.
Absolutely unique. Absolutely brilliant!
Thank you Joe!!
October 29, 2022
As a person with BPD, I found myself thinking oh crap thats me his talking about me.
To say that this WONDERFUL book didn't home practically on every single page would be a lie because omfg didn't it just.
Joe thank you so much for writing this book and as you would say "please don't fucking kill yourself"
Sending love hugs and displaced social interaction to all xxx
To say that this WONDERFUL book didn't home practically on every single page would be a lie because omfg didn't it just.
Joe thank you so much for writing this book and as you would say "please don't fucking kill yourself"
Sending love hugs and displaced social interaction to all xxx
September 12, 2022
I found Joe Tracini the way many people have. I saw his 48 second gymnastics commentary on Twitter and immediately started following him, not knowing anything more about him. Then I discovered, along with so many others, that Joe has struggled with BPD and that lead to struggles with substance abuse and suicidal thoughts.
I really went back and forth over whether or not it would be a good idea for me to read this book because I have had a lot of stuff to deal with over the last year. In the end I decided to go ahead and read it, with the understanding I could stop if it was too much for me and pick it up again whenever I felt I was ready. So I bought it for my eReader and before too long I realized that this was not a BS account of someone's issues that I couldn't identify with or didn't give a crap about.
We have to normalize talking about depression, mental illness (in all its forms), and suicide. We have to start sharing so people stop dying because they think they are alone. We have to start asking each other if we're OK and start listening - really listening - to the answer. This book gave me a great deal to think about. Thanks, Joe. I hope you're OK.
I really went back and forth over whether or not it would be a good idea for me to read this book because I have had a lot of stuff to deal with over the last year. In the end I decided to go ahead and read it, with the understanding I could stop if it was too much for me and pick it up again whenever I felt I was ready. So I bought it for my eReader and before too long I realized that this was not a BS account of someone's issues that I couldn't identify with or didn't give a crap about.
We have to normalize talking about depression, mental illness (in all its forms), and suicide. We have to start sharing so people stop dying because they think they are alone. We have to start asking each other if we're OK and start listening - really listening - to the answer. This book gave me a great deal to think about. Thanks, Joe. I hope you're OK.
September 11, 2022
Amazingly and brutally honest. It's both very touching and very frustrating. It's very triggering so only read this if you are in a stable headspace, but do read this if you can and know you aren't alone with having ar$ehole thoughts.
September 16, 2023
What a wonderful, honest, and incredibly brave book. Joe Tracini manages to tell the story of someone (himself) who is fighting to survive on a daily basis without it ever becoming self-pitying or depressing (although, obviously, the book deals with topics such as mental illness, addiction, self-harm, and drug abuse, among others).
Ultimately, this is a story of hope and encouragement, telling us that no matter how hopeless life might seem, if we just wait for maybe as little as a few minutes, things will get better. It is never complacent, though, it doesn't pontificate, and it certainly doesn't make light of any of the major issues and topics it touches.
There is a lot of wisdom here, too. Such as recognising the important fact that our thoughts aren't our identity and that not everything our brain tell us is true. The relationship/bucket analogy is one of my new favourite things.
In my opinion, this book is a must-read for anyone trying to better understand other people's experiences, and to really appreciate that you can never, ever tell what a person may be going through just by looking at them.
It doesn't just make an argument for honesty, it makes one for kindness and understanding (without ever taking them for granted).
It's not a self-help book, but it is nevertheless incredibly helpful in many small and big ways. Absolutely worth reading!
Ultimately, this is a story of hope and encouragement, telling us that no matter how hopeless life might seem, if we just wait for maybe as little as a few minutes, things will get better. It is never complacent, though, it doesn't pontificate, and it certainly doesn't make light of any of the major issues and topics it touches.
There is a lot of wisdom here, too. Such as recognising the important fact that our thoughts aren't our identity and that not everything our brain tell us is true. The relationship/bucket analogy is one of my new favourite things.
In my opinion, this book is a must-read for anyone trying to better understand other people's experiences, and to really appreciate that you can never, ever tell what a person may be going through just by looking at them.
It doesn't just make an argument for honesty, it makes one for kindness and understanding (without ever taking them for granted).
It's not a self-help book, but it is nevertheless incredibly helpful in many small and big ways. Absolutely worth reading!
November 12, 2023
I first ran across Joe Tracini on Twitter during Covid. I saw a funny post involving interpretive dance in a back yard, a woman’s leotard and yelling out hysterical made up names for dance moves. (He actually told the story of this incident in the book and how it changed his life.) After following him I learned he was much more than that, a person with a serious mental disorder that told him to kill himself every day.
His book is brutal and raw. He is honest in everything he’s done and his feelings. I feel like he partly wrote this book to give others dealing with mental illness some hope that it can get better.
As a person with mental illness, (depression), I really felt what he went through and on Twitter I cheered him on and expressed compassion. Just like thousands of others.
The book also contains his dark sense of humor that fans have come to love. He will struggle with BPD all his life but he is much better than he was when all this started for him.
Thinking of the time he played a ukulele while standing in the bathtub singing a song he wrote about his life. It was so touching, I had tears. He is a unique soul and that comes through in this book that you should read.
His book is brutal and raw. He is honest in everything he’s done and his feelings. I feel like he partly wrote this book to give others dealing with mental illness some hope that it can get better.
As a person with mental illness, (depression), I really felt what he went through and on Twitter I cheered him on and expressed compassion. Just like thousands of others.
The book also contains his dark sense of humor that fans have come to love. He will struggle with BPD all his life but he is much better than he was when all this started for him.
Thinking of the time he played a ukulele while standing in the bathtub singing a song he wrote about his life. It was so touching, I had tears. He is a unique soul and that comes through in this book that you should read.
June 2, 2023
Eu não acho justo dar estrelas pra um relato sincero sobre transtorno de personalidade mas ainda assim vou dar 5. Toda noite ficava animada pra ler mais do livro e descobrir o que mais eu e o Joe tínhamos em comum. Foi ótimo me sentir acolhida e abraçada por alguém que também se sente a pior pessoa do mundo na maior parte do tempo.
Anos de terapia e consultas psiquiátricas me fizeram perceber que quanto mais eu entendo a minha condição, mais eu posso conviver em paz com ela. Então sim, eu recomendo este livro à todos que querem entender um pouco mais e até quem está procurando uma luz no fim do túnel porque o Borderline pode escurecer completamente a vista.
"15% das pessoas com BPD morrem por suicídio, e 40% tentam.
Eu já estou nos 40%. Meu trabalho é ficar fora dos 15%."
Obrigada Joe. Foi uma experiência incrível e eu vou sentir falta das suas palavras nas noites de insônia.
(E obrigada meu amor André por me presentear com este livro excepcional e sempre ver o melhor de mim mesmo quando nem eu consigo.)
Anos de terapia e consultas psiquiátricas me fizeram perceber que quanto mais eu entendo a minha condição, mais eu posso conviver em paz com ela. Então sim, eu recomendo este livro à todos que querem entender um pouco mais e até quem está procurando uma luz no fim do túnel porque o Borderline pode escurecer completamente a vista.
"15% das pessoas com BPD morrem por suicídio, e 40% tentam.
Eu já estou nos 40%. Meu trabalho é ficar fora dos 15%."
Obrigada Joe. Foi uma experiência incrível e eu vou sentir falta das suas palavras nas noites de insônia.
(E obrigada meu amor André por me presentear com este livro excepcional e sempre ver o melhor de mim mesmo quando nem eu consigo.)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 30, 2024
Such a good discussion of mental health in an incredibly hilarious way, but also doesn't in any way make light of it. Brought out a lot of feelings to hear from the brain of an addict. Hearing that carrying out an act doesn't mean you don't know its wrong, brings me peace and sadness in equal measures.
December 3, 2023
A brutally hard hitting read, to wake up each day wanting to kill yourself, with a slice of humour. All in the name of research for work purposes! I actually enjoyed it if "enjoyed" is the right adjective!
October 28, 2022
Outstanding. So so many. Relatable moments, chapters, descriptions, just too much to describe. Well done Joe and glad your still alive to share this story.
July 9, 2024
10/10 book. For anyone who suffers from mental health issues or knows someone who has suffered this is a must read! So insightful.
October 10, 2024
Beautifully, heartrenchingly honest book. So very important for understanding mental health
December 30, 2022
Been reading this book for a while now - got it shortly after it was published and raced through the first half. Then mislaid it. Literally could not find it. And how I do not know. It's a bright yellow brick of a hardback! Thought I may have accidentally given it away. Hunted high and low and sadly gave it up for lost.
I love Joe's honest videos and his hilarious dance routines and commentaries and found the first half of the book engaging and insightful.
But the lost has miraculously been found and over the Christmas holidays I have been able to launch into the second half. I found this more disorganised but still honestly raw and worth reading.
I love Joe's honest videos and his hilarious dance routines and commentaries and found the first half of the book engaging and insightful.
But the lost has miraculously been found and over the Christmas holidays I have been able to launch into the second half. I found this more disorganised but still honestly raw and worth reading.
April 21, 2024
"Physical pain is mental pain. You feel any pain because your brain tells you you're in pain. The only difference with mental pain is that it starts and ends there."
I listened to the audiobook read by Joe himself. Really glad I did. I cried a couple of times, laughed a few and learned a lot.
Thank you Joe for not killing yourself. Thank you Joe for sharing your story.
I listened to the audiobook read by Joe himself. Really glad I did. I cried a couple of times, laughed a few and learned a lot.
Thank you Joe for not killing yourself. Thank you Joe for sharing your story.
October 18, 2022
I fell in love with Joe Tracini during lockdown, as I think many of us did. My family still shout 'Beef Toe! Beef Toe!' on an almost daily basis thanks to Joe's amazing dance videos. I have been following him on social media ever since.
It is clear that as much as Joe delights most of us, he very rarely feels that way about himself, due to his diagnosis of BPD and his constant war with a mental health condition that is trying to kill him by getting him to kill himself.
This is not a comfortable book to read, but it is a brave, important and necessary book that shines a light on a lot of the issues around mental health and how we as a society deal with it.
It is clear that as much as Joe delights most of us, he very rarely feels that way about himself, due to his diagnosis of BPD and his constant war with a mental health condition that is trying to kill him by getting him to kill himself.
This is not a comfortable book to read, but it is a brave, important and necessary book that shines a light on a lot of the issues around mental health and how we as a society deal with it.
October 9, 2022
So I used to chat with Joe on social media long before the world knew his name and his love of leotards. Back in the day of his old hollyoaks videos who knew the pain and trauma going on behind his eyes and these days even on the worst of days Joe has kept me going in ways he can never imagine and I hope he knows how his honesty over his condition helps so many people every day and his amazing dance videos gave us all something to hold onto during lockdown. This book is brutally honest and not an easy read but like Joe it’s full of love, humour and ultimately hope. If you are struggling please reach out to someone as you are never alone and Joe don’t change as you are perfect even with Mick
October 14, 2022
One of the best books I have ever read
October 11, 2024
You know what I wanted to pan this book for being like this doesn’t represent MY experience with BPD therefore I hate it. But it’s actually so astonishingly brave to write a book like this, then it’s even more skilled to make it silly and funny and readable too. Kinda loved it in the end.
September 22, 2022
I don't owe Joe Tracini my life, but I do owe him for the silly joy of his captivatingly cringy dance videos in lockdown. And that's not a small thing. His videos on his mental health are not silly joy and they are not captivatingly cringy, but they do manage to be serious, informative and funny... and important.
So I was looking forward to this print 'extended version', if you will, whilst hoping there might be some nuggets of use to someone I love. It was more of a 'misuse and rehab' memoir than I had anticipated. He's taken the description of the nine symptoms of borderline personality disorder as his ten things and of course substance misuse comes under impulsive and self-destructive behaviour. Unsurprisingly, that does rather take over, as it did his life, young adult and before. Perhaps a lot is wearily familiar, but he does have interesting things to say, for example about the differences between private rehab and state funded rehab (and no, not that paying gets you something better) He also does two sorts of questioning about underpinning philosophies and approaches - there's the delusional questioning (trying to wriggle out of it, you might say), and some which are worthy of serious and wider consideration.
There are some very fine passages (which I note he's reading aloud as part of the publicity for the book) He has trenchant things to say about the limits of the opening up of public discourse around mental illness (it's OK to talk about it, not considered OK to manifest it). I was interested in his comment about how he's not so much interested in where his borderline personality disorder came from as what it means for the future. There's no finger pointing, mistakes were made but he'd say mostly by him. The story of his early life and experiences, in a world pretty alien to me, was interesting - borderline privileged you might say. Evidently the lockdown experience embedded with his girlfriend's family has been somewhat revelatory... I wasn't quite expecting that.
So I was looking forward to this print 'extended version', if you will, whilst hoping there might be some nuggets of use to someone I love. It was more of a 'misuse and rehab' memoir than I had anticipated. He's taken the description of the nine symptoms of borderline personality disorder as his ten things and of course substance misuse comes under impulsive and self-destructive behaviour. Unsurprisingly, that does rather take over, as it did his life, young adult and before. Perhaps a lot is wearily familiar, but he does have interesting things to say, for example about the differences between private rehab and state funded rehab (and no, not that paying gets you something better) He also does two sorts of questioning about underpinning philosophies and approaches - there's the delusional questioning (trying to wriggle out of it, you might say), and some which are worthy of serious and wider consideration.
There are some very fine passages (which I note he's reading aloud as part of the publicity for the book) He has trenchant things to say about the limits of the opening up of public discourse around mental illness (it's OK to talk about it, not considered OK to manifest it). I was interested in his comment about how he's not so much interested in where his borderline personality disorder came from as what it means for the future. There's no finger pointing, mistakes were made but he'd say mostly by him. The story of his early life and experiences, in a world pretty alien to me, was interesting - borderline privileged you might say. Evidently the lockdown experience embedded with his girlfriend's family has been somewhat revelatory... I wasn't quite expecting that.
September 15, 2022
Thank you Joe for such an honest and important book.
September 15, 2022
Best purchase I have ever made. I highly recommend the audiobook as its narrated by the author. Absolutely amazing.
August 29, 2024
"The problem is still here, I just handle it differently now, and I do less stuff wrong, because I treat the problem. The problem is me. The day I worked that out and stopped feeling sorry for myself was the day I actually had a chance of surviving what goes on in my head."
September 13, 2023
I loved, loved, loved this book. I must have been on Mars when it first came out because I mop up books on BPD (being in the healing process myself, a long and arduous journey but well worth the ride,) but I'd never heard of this until it was mentioned on the BPD Bunch podcast. Also, how did I miss his hilarious viral sketches on instagram with him and his BPD voice?
Most importantly, it’s funny – I’m not a one for ‘misery memoirs’ – and laughter is the best medicine etc. It’s also superbly enlightening about this complex mental illness. Most people with BPD are undiagnosed as it takes a pretty serious crash to sit up and think: hey, something’s not quite right here.
Joe had a series of rock-bottoms and then a basement and he takes us through the horrendous addiction hopping and base-line desire to kill himself in detail. So beware. The humour definitely makes it easier to swallow but wow, this man has been through Hell. And by his own admission has not popped back out all clean and shiny with a halo.
He didn’t want to write it because Mick, the mean voice in his head, kept telling him 'every word was shit.' But he did, because telling people about your mental illness is, as he says, vitally important. He’s right, it really does help other people with BPD to know that it’s the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder (people with narcissistic personality disorder rarely think there’s anything wrong them…) and affects millions of people around the world. We are not alone!
He says he doesn’t want it to be a self-help book as they didn’t help for him. “I’ve got a personality disorder. Trying to fix my broken brain by writing a gratitude list is like trying to remove a tumour with a fucking spoon.”
His message is that we don’t want yet another book which says: "my life used to be shit but now it’s great and you can do it too!" But if his book makes you think: "thank fuck it’s not just me" and that makes you feel a little better, then it’s a job well done.
When people with BPD get a diagnosis, or don’t get a diagnosis, and read a book like this, it’s like going through a check list of everything about you no-one could ever see or imagine. Each chapter is a symptom on the DSM. Tick, tick, tick.
He doesn’t delve into where his BPD came from, although it’s fairly obvious his Mum and Dad weren’t Mr and Mrs Perfect Pants Parents. Perhaps that’s because they’ll be reading his book? But he does make it obvious they were more likely to take a pair of shears to pernicious weeds in the garden rather than dig them up by the roots. Disapproval and emotional distance are clearly big factors in his family dynamic.
At the end of the book he says in a typically self-deprecating way: “hopefully this book makes you more able to see what’s happening in someone else’s brain and feel less alone with what’s happening in yours.”
He’s done that in spades and so much more. Well done, Joe! Rock on.
Most importantly, it’s funny – I’m not a one for ‘misery memoirs’ – and laughter is the best medicine etc. It’s also superbly enlightening about this complex mental illness. Most people with BPD are undiagnosed as it takes a pretty serious crash to sit up and think: hey, something’s not quite right here.
Joe had a series of rock-bottoms and then a basement and he takes us through the horrendous addiction hopping and base-line desire to kill himself in detail. So beware. The humour definitely makes it easier to swallow but wow, this man has been through Hell. And by his own admission has not popped back out all clean and shiny with a halo.
He didn’t want to write it because Mick, the mean voice in his head, kept telling him 'every word was shit.' But he did, because telling people about your mental illness is, as he says, vitally important. He’s right, it really does help other people with BPD to know that it’s the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder (people with narcissistic personality disorder rarely think there’s anything wrong them…) and affects millions of people around the world. We are not alone!
He says he doesn’t want it to be a self-help book as they didn’t help for him. “I’ve got a personality disorder. Trying to fix my broken brain by writing a gratitude list is like trying to remove a tumour with a fucking spoon.”
His message is that we don’t want yet another book which says: "my life used to be shit but now it’s great and you can do it too!" But if his book makes you think: "thank fuck it’s not just me" and that makes you feel a little better, then it’s a job well done.
When people with BPD get a diagnosis, or don’t get a diagnosis, and read a book like this, it’s like going through a check list of everything about you no-one could ever see or imagine. Each chapter is a symptom on the DSM. Tick, tick, tick.
He doesn’t delve into where his BPD came from, although it’s fairly obvious his Mum and Dad weren’t Mr and Mrs Perfect Pants Parents. Perhaps that’s because they’ll be reading his book? But he does make it obvious they were more likely to take a pair of shears to pernicious weeds in the garden rather than dig them up by the roots. Disapproval and emotional distance are clearly big factors in his family dynamic.
At the end of the book he says in a typically self-deprecating way: “hopefully this book makes you more able to see what’s happening in someone else’s brain and feel less alone with what’s happening in yours.”
He’s done that in spades and so much more. Well done, Joe! Rock on.
June 5, 2024
I like that this wasn’t a ‘soppy’ or typical mental health book. I loved the rawness, it isn’t a book about one hard day that’s fixed by a hot bath. It wasn’t giving high expectations for recovery like some other books do. It was just raw and real. Things do get better, but you’ll always be mentally unwell and have some days where it doesn’t feel like it has gotten better. But they have.
I thoroughly enjoyed the theme of relationships and fear of abandonment as those are the issues I struggle with the most. I liked that it wasn’t preachy in what you can do to get better- but rather just hearing someone else who has felt the same way and the absolute truth behind their emotions and actions which are not always healthy or ‘good’. I took this book as reassurance that someone feels the same, it was comforting. I KNOW people do feel the same, but when it’s spoken about it’s often very diluted- in the sense that they’ll briefly brush over the harder things, but this was just straight up the way things are.
I think this is one of the better things I’ve read in terms of understanding BPD. I personally don’t need to understand it, or at least the symptoms, I know it because I have it. But If you want someone else to know exactly how the disorder feels and plays out- then I think this is fairly accurate and helpful in that sense.
It’s less wishy woshy, and a better reflection of the disorder in day to day life.
(This book was so incredibly good. I only spent ages reading it as I was doing my dissertation, exams for final year of uni, moving house etc etc. otherwise I think I would’ve read this book exceptionally fast)
I thoroughly enjoyed the theme of relationships and fear of abandonment as those are the issues I struggle with the most. I liked that it wasn’t preachy in what you can do to get better- but rather just hearing someone else who has felt the same way and the absolute truth behind their emotions and actions which are not always healthy or ‘good’. I took this book as reassurance that someone feels the same, it was comforting. I KNOW people do feel the same, but when it’s spoken about it’s often very diluted- in the sense that they’ll briefly brush over the harder things, but this was just straight up the way things are.
I think this is one of the better things I’ve read in terms of understanding BPD. I personally don’t need to understand it, or at least the symptoms, I know it because I have it. But If you want someone else to know exactly how the disorder feels and plays out- then I think this is fairly accurate and helpful in that sense.
It’s less wishy woshy, and a better reflection of the disorder in day to day life.
(This book was so incredibly good. I only spent ages reading it as I was doing my dissertation, exams for final year of uni, moving house etc etc. otherwise I think I would’ve read this book exceptionally fast)
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