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Blowie

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Stuck on Stanley Island with his marine biologist father and no women in sight, sexually frustrated Leo comes upon a chance encounter with a beached dolphin that will change his life forever.

Amidst his newfound sexual awakening, Leo sets out in search of the ultimate orgasm—dipping his wick into the blubbery, moist folds of a majestic blue whale’s blowhole. Join Leo along with his father, Greenpeace, and a Japanese whaling fleet in this touching, coming-of-age story about a boy and his whale.

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Published May 20, 2022

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About the author

Simon McHardy

29 books299 followers
Simon McHardy is the author of the infamous MOTHER MAGGOT. He lives a reclusive life in Tasmania Australia. Due to the extreme nature of his books, most are exclusive to Godless.com.

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Community Reviews

5 stars
106 (27%)
4 stars
69 (17%)
3 stars
64 (16%)
2 stars
43 (10%)
1 star
109 (27%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
Profile Image for MadameD.
585 reviews63 followers
June 28, 2022
Thank you so much Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker for the dedication!!!
Your stories are always making me laugh like a lunatic!!

Blowie is hilarious!!

Poor Leo is a teenager alone on an island with his father, and unfortunately for him, he’s at this age when youngster are obsessed with one thing only, sex. So, Leo decided to satisfy his fantasies in an inventive way. Like I said, Leo made me laugh like a lunatic!!
If you’re looking for a short well written grotesque, crude, and funny story, read this. You’ll have fun!!
🐳🐳🐳🐳🐳
Profile Image for Victoria.
437 reviews167 followers
May 21, 2022
This morning as soon as I woke up I bought this book off of godless. I read it right away and it didn’t disappoint. A quick, funny romp with a dolphin that’s has porpoise.

Thanks you two!
Profile Image for Todd Love.
Author 40 books101 followers
May 31, 2022
A young and lonely man, alone, with none one to love. Everyday feels like the last, boredom sets in. Enter beached dolphin 🐬. Long story short, the Sea Shepard needs helps protecting whales - and holes get violated. The end! This was a weird short tale of looking for love in all the wrong places.
Profile Image for Christina Pfeiffer.
405 reviews41 followers
May 28, 2022
I have a ton of reviews coming today so hide me if you must (I’m also EXTREMELY late on some of these so I sincerely apologize). But let’s start with a cuddly little story from two of the most non-offending gents around, Simon Mchardy and Sean Hawker and BLOWIE.

Leo lives off Tasmania on an island with his Dad, Dr. Hood. When Leo starts experiencing what all boys go through, the want for boobs and any and all holes, he learns he has a kink that most do not have. How far is he willing to go for that good shit?

Ever wondered what a dolphins blowhole smells like after being fingered? Wondered if what comes out of a blowhole is cum or a cold? What about embarrassing your Dad in front of a boat of people from Greenpeace with yourself dick deep in a whale’s blowhole? If you need to know the answers to this and many other questions of the world, I would suggest picking it up.

I really feel like you guys know I’m a McHardy/Hawker fangirl. There’s no need to hide it. Did I love this one? Yep. Will others? Don’t give a shit. One of my favorites because it’s 100% insane and that’s the kind of story we need right now.

Available now on Godless for a whole $0.50. I would get it. Like now.
Profile Image for Corrina Morse.
833 reviews138 followers
May 22, 2022
Whale I'll be damned!! 😲🐳

The gruesome twosome that are Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker are back with another delightful little tale to melt your heart and make you feel all gooey inside!!
(Needle scratch......)
Scrap that!!!!
These two disgustingly twisted sickos are back to gross you out and make you guilty laugh like never before! 😉

Stuck on an island after hitting puberty, becoming a raging horndog, and wanting a real live woman to entertain, Leo comes across an unexpected way to lose his virginity!

A short but extremely vulgar tale, full of hilarity, depravity, desperation, and grossness, with a great big climax!! For the readers and for Leo! 😂
Jam packed, (just like the blowholes in this story!)and brilliant fun, as always!!

5/5 blowies 🐳🐳🐳🐳🐳
Profile Image for Chris Carelse.
153 reviews20 followers
September 14, 2023
To celebrate the announcement of Blowie 2, I decided to revisit this tragic tale of star crossed lovers, which may or may not have been inspired by the forbidden tryst between Malcolm Brenner and Dolly, the dolphin that seduced him with her feminine wiles… according to Brenner, shortly after their year long secret affair had come to its abrupt end, Dolly had died from a broke heart, because she couldn’t live without him by her side.
Profile Image for Rachael.
494 reviews25 followers
May 23, 2022
Whale blow me over! Holey shit! I mean cum on! What's not to love about this?

Every time I see a new story out and about that has the McHardy name stamped on the cover I get all excited. Once again these two demented authors join forces to bring us another tale of pure enjoyment. I am off to apply to Greenpeace because "I want to be a marine biologist!"

Happy Reading and Splatter On.....
Profile Image for renee w.
277 reviews
May 27, 2022
Short and hilarious! This duo never disappoints.
Profile Image for Piper.
63 reviews1 follower
October 19, 2024
Disgusting book, obviously rage bite, but still why
Profile Image for Michael.
755 reviews57 followers
June 16, 2022
Well that was quite the story. I knew it was gonna go to messed up places with that title.
Profile Image for Volkov80.
16 reviews1 follower
June 23, 2022
This is a fun and strange love story.To me it is the easiest and most fun to read Simon and Sean's book. There's no blood, hardcore and meat-but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!!!
Profile Image for River Dixon.
Author 20 books90 followers
May 19, 2022
Available May 20, 2022 from godless.com and pottersgrovepress.com
40 reviews
May 23, 2022
Hawker and McHardy always write amazing stories. This is a shorter read but well worth it. A hilarious coming of age story of a boy living on an island with his father.
Profile Image for Jess Brady.
Author 1 book168 followers
October 29, 2022
Whale this book was f*cked... I thought I knew what I was getting into but NOPE... Kind of grossed out right now but the end was spot on. I need to wash my eyeballs BRB.
Profile Image for Chris.
Author 1 book71 followers
October 28, 2023
To the person who told me to read this...

Don't talk to me again.

Why does this story exist? Jesus.
Profile Image for STEPH.
603 reviews73 followers
November 28, 2024
Don’t be fooled by the cute and colorful illustration—this book is borderline crazy! And I loved every minute of it.

Insane, hilarious, and disturbing. I can’t imagine what kind of mind it takes to come up with something as outrageous as this.

Did I like it? I freaking loved it. Call me crazy or anything similar, but this is exactly the kind of novella I needed right now.
Profile Image for Joe.
200 reviews12 followers
May 24, 2022
Another great tale of hilarity, depravity, and bloody gore.

Story about Leo, stuck on a remote deserted island with his Dad, a marine biologist doing research. Poor Leo has gone through puberty and only thinking of sex and fucking. He only has Internet porn to help him out, but he is obsessed with having his dick feel the warm wet joy of a partner.

His obsession leads him to find some uniquely sick ways of satisfying his desire. As expected from Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker things get bloody and gory.
Enjoyable story, that made me chuckle and laugh, and no I don't feel bad about it.
Profile Image for Lindsay Crook.
1,080 reviews39 followers
May 21, 2022
Just when I think I couldn't love Hawker and Mchardy any more they give us Blowie. The gruesome twosome get a little more depraved with every book and I'm here for it all.
Leo loves big fish and he can not lie.
Filled with whale humping, blow hole spunking, harpooning goodness.
Profile Image for Kristen.
80 reviews6 followers
July 28, 2022
This book you guys is a fast paced, short and such a fun adventure!!! It will have you gasping and laughing, then going back over what you read, just to make sure you read it right!
It was greatly written and I seriously can’t wait to read more from this author!

Highly recommend!!
Profile Image for Alex.
334 reviews12 followers
May 15, 2024
I will never turn down a book by these two authors!

This is a very short story that's definitely disgusting and hilarious! I can't really put it into words haha, stay away from blow-holes!

3/5
Profile Image for Samantha Hawkins.
404 reviews75 followers
August 13, 2022
This is a story about a boy who really enjoys whales and their blowholes. He loves them so much, that he loves them to death. If you want a super bizarre read without a happy ending, this story is for you 🤣
Profile Image for Dakota Dawe.
195 reviews11 followers
July 16, 2022
Look, I get it. As a man, there’s something about holes that make you want to stick your fingers and other appendages in them, see how far you can dig in there, and see if it can keep you entertained for a while. However, if you do so find yourself walking the beach and see a beached porpoise, remember this story as a cautionary tale. It’s a slippery slope bedding these slippery mammals.

As always, the terrible twosome created something as foul as it is entertaining. It’s a train wreck, you know you shouldn’t go looking around in it, you know you’ll find something that will scar you, but dammit I am I curious.
Profile Image for Mrsgmamma.
216 reviews41 followers
January 2, 2024
Leo is stuck on an island with his dad and there are no women around. He gets this great idea to have sex with a whales blow hole. Once he does that he becomes obsessed with whales. Well let’s just say his last nut was his final one!!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews