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Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion
THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair offers a provocative reframing of the abortion issue in post-Roe America.
In a series of 28 brief arguments, Blair deftly makes the case for moving the abortion debate away from controlling and legislating women’s bodies and instead directs the focus on men’s lack of accountability in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
Highly readable, accessible, funny, and unflinching, Blair builds her argument by walking readers through the basics of fertility (men are 50 times more fertile than women), the unfair burden placed on women when it comes to preventing pregnancy (90% of the birth control market is for women), the wrongheaded stigmas around birth control for men (condoms make sex less pleasurable, vasectomies are scary and emasculating), and the counterintuitive reality that men, who are fertile 100% of the time, take little to no responsibility for preventing pregnancy.
The result is a compelling and convincing case for placing the responsibility—and burden—of preventing unwanted pregnancies away from women and onto men.
In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair offers a provocative reframing of the abortion issue in post-Roe America.
In a series of 28 brief arguments, Blair deftly makes the case for moving the abortion debate away from controlling and legislating women’s bodies and instead directs the focus on men’s lack of accountability in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
Highly readable, accessible, funny, and unflinching, Blair builds her argument by walking readers through the basics of fertility (men are 50 times more fertile than women), the unfair burden placed on women when it comes to preventing pregnancy (90% of the birth control market is for women), the wrongheaded stigmas around birth control for men (condoms make sex less pleasurable, vasectomies are scary and emasculating), and the counterintuitive reality that men, who are fertile 100% of the time, take little to no responsibility for preventing pregnancy.
The result is a compelling and convincing case for placing the responsibility—and burden—of preventing unwanted pregnancies away from women and onto men.
138 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 4, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,530 reviews
September 12, 2022
Short. Smart. Important.
November 15, 2022
10+++ stars! This book is a MUST READ for men and women. It will truly change the narrative and outcome regarding unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
Gabrielle Blair describes herself as a religious mom with six children. She started a blog, Design Mom, which has won awards and she wrote a NY Times bestseller, also called Design Mom.
Ejaculate Responsible outlines 28 arguments on why men should be focused on eliminating unwanted pregnancies. Blair indicates that 99% of abortions are due to unwanted pregnancies.
This book does a terrific job creating a new narrative that is supported by data. With men actively involved and responsible for how and where they deposit their sperm, we can significantly reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
Some of the highlights include:
1. Men are 50 times more fertile than women. A woman's body produces one fertile egg for approximately 24 hours each month. An 80 year-old woman who menstruates for 40 years will have 480 days of fertility. Compare that with an 80 year-old man who will have 24,208 days of fertility once he achieves puberty. Every time a man has sex, he can potentially impregnate someone because he is always fertile.
2. Sperm live up to five days. A couple can have sex on a Monday and the egg can be released by the woman's ovaries on Thursday and the sperm that are still hanging around can breach the egg wall. Some doctors recommend keeping sperm away from eggs for seven days. The challenge is that knowing when an egg is released is challenging.
3. Ovulation is involuntary; ejaculation is not.
4. The process for obtaining birth control is very different for men and women. Men can locate condoms at convenience stores, gas stations, bars, grocery stores, etc. To obtain birth control, a woman needs a prescription from a doctor which requires an appointment and an exam, locating a healthcare provider that takes new patients, having health insurance, waiting six weeks for an appointment, coming up with the money for the appointment, taking time off from work, missing work/school and finding childcare, waiting 45 minutes in line at the pharmacy, etc.
5. Stark facts about pregnancy and childbirth: The US is ranked #56, dead last in industrial nations for maternal deaths. The mortality rate for pregnancy is 17.4 per 100,000. On-duty murder rate for police officers is lower at 13.5 per 100,000. A pregnant woman is more likely to die from a pregnancy than a police officer will be killed on the job.
6. When a man's sperm is deposited in a woman, he risks the woman's body, health, income, relationships, social status, even her life and he risks creating another human being.
The premise of the book is that if we focus on dramatically reducing the number of irresponsible ejaculations, this will dramatically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies which will reduce the number of abortions.
Blair ends her book with specific action steps we can each take.
Highly recommend! Blair and her book are change agents!
Gabrielle Blair describes herself as a religious mom with six children. She started a blog, Design Mom, which has won awards and she wrote a NY Times bestseller, also called Design Mom.
Ejaculate Responsible outlines 28 arguments on why men should be focused on eliminating unwanted pregnancies. Blair indicates that 99% of abortions are due to unwanted pregnancies.
This book does a terrific job creating a new narrative that is supported by data. With men actively involved and responsible for how and where they deposit their sperm, we can significantly reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
Some of the highlights include:
1. Men are 50 times more fertile than women. A woman's body produces one fertile egg for approximately 24 hours each month. An 80 year-old woman who menstruates for 40 years will have 480 days of fertility. Compare that with an 80 year-old man who will have 24,208 days of fertility once he achieves puberty. Every time a man has sex, he can potentially impregnate someone because he is always fertile.
2. Sperm live up to five days. A couple can have sex on a Monday and the egg can be released by the woman's ovaries on Thursday and the sperm that are still hanging around can breach the egg wall. Some doctors recommend keeping sperm away from eggs for seven days. The challenge is that knowing when an egg is released is challenging.
3. Ovulation is involuntary; ejaculation is not.
4. The process for obtaining birth control is very different for men and women. Men can locate condoms at convenience stores, gas stations, bars, grocery stores, etc. To obtain birth control, a woman needs a prescription from a doctor which requires an appointment and an exam, locating a healthcare provider that takes new patients, having health insurance, waiting six weeks for an appointment, coming up with the money for the appointment, taking time off from work, missing work/school and finding childcare, waiting 45 minutes in line at the pharmacy, etc.
5. Stark facts about pregnancy and childbirth: The US is ranked #56, dead last in industrial nations for maternal deaths. The mortality rate for pregnancy is 17.4 per 100,000. On-duty murder rate for police officers is lower at 13.5 per 100,000. A pregnant woman is more likely to die from a pregnancy than a police officer will be killed on the job.
6. When a man's sperm is deposited in a woman, he risks the woman's body, health, income, relationships, social status, even her life and he risks creating another human being.
The premise of the book is that if we focus on dramatically reducing the number of irresponsible ejaculations, this will dramatically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies which will reduce the number of abortions.
Blair ends her book with specific action steps we can each take.
Highly recommend! Blair and her book are change agents!
January 16, 2023
"I would rather stand three times with a shield in battle than give birth once."
(Medea, Euripides)
This short book does succeed in shedding light on some facts that affect most people across the globe. Dealing with pregnancy, childbirth, and abortion, it shifts focus from women to men.
1. Men are much more fertile than women. It is a biological fact.
2. "Ovulation only leads to pregnancy when a man chooses to ejaculate and add his sperm."
"Ovulation is involuntary. Ejaculation is voluntary."
Unlike women, men get to choose what to do with their bodily fluids.
3. The book underscores the question of responsibility. Men have to take responsibility for their bodies and consider a big amount of damage they can cause. "Relying on his sexual partner to use birth control is avoiding or relinquishing his responsibility."
4. When society is geared towards men’s pleasure, women predictably face difficulties in protecting their own bodies and avoiding unwanted pregnancies. Societal norms and history have led us not to be honest about pregnancy and childbirth. As the author points out, our culture consistently downplays what women experience during pregnancy and childbirth.
5. The author refers to uneven sexual power dynamic and its consequences which often work against women.
When the fact that a woman has been living with an abuser is brought to light, the public tends to blame the woman, perhaps inadvertently, by asking "Why doesn’t that woman just pick a better man?" As if any man with abusive inclinations admitted to it on the first date. However, we better ask "Why are there so many abusive men?" or "Why don’t we teach men not to abuse?"
6. There are very little repercussions for men causing unwanted pregnancies. They can leave in most cases, while women cannot walk out on unwanted pregnancies. Data shows that abortion bans work poorly.
Do you want to reduce significantly the number of abortions? To this end, you do not have to regulate and control women’s bodies. Today we know what works best (free birth control, high-quality sex education).
7.
This quote, sprinkled with some wit, speaks for itself and captures the key message of this book.
These and other arguments bring the author to the conclusion that "We need to focus on men and stopping irresponsible ejaculations. Everything else—reducing unwanted pregnancies, reducing abortions—follows from this critical focus."
I would add that if you want to acquire a brief knowledge about the content of this book, you can go through the titles of each chapter. They are quite straightforward.
(Medea, Euripides)
This short book does succeed in shedding light on some facts that affect most people across the globe. Dealing with pregnancy, childbirth, and abortion, it shifts focus from women to men.
1. Men are much more fertile than women. It is a biological fact.
Once we recognize this disparity in fertility, it becomes crystal clear that pregnancy and abortion are not “a woman’s issue.” Men don’t play a minor or supporting role in pregnancy. Men’s lifelong continual fertility is the central driving force behind all unwanted pregnancies.
2. "Ovulation only leads to pregnancy when a man chooses to ejaculate and add his sperm."
"Ovulation is involuntary. Ejaculation is voluntary."
Unlike women, men get to choose what to do with their bodily fluids.
3. The book underscores the question of responsibility. Men have to take responsibility for their bodies and consider a big amount of damage they can cause. "Relying on his sexual partner to use birth control is avoiding or relinquishing his responsibility."
4. When society is geared towards men’s pleasure, women predictably face difficulties in protecting their own bodies and avoiding unwanted pregnancies. Societal norms and history have led us not to be honest about pregnancy and childbirth. As the author points out, our culture consistently downplays what women experience during pregnancy and childbirth.
5. The author refers to uneven sexual power dynamic and its consequences which often work against women.
When the fact that a woman has been living with an abuser is brought to light, the public tends to blame the woman, perhaps inadvertently, by asking "Why doesn’t that woman just pick a better man?" As if any man with abusive inclinations admitted to it on the first date. However, we better ask "Why are there so many abusive men?" or "Why don’t we teach men not to abuse?"
6. There are very little repercussions for men causing unwanted pregnancies. They can leave in most cases, while women cannot walk out on unwanted pregnancies. Data shows that abortion bans work poorly.
Do you want to reduce significantly the number of abortions? To this end, you do not have to regulate and control women’s bodies. Today we know what works best (free birth control, high-quality sex education).
A culture of ejaculating responsibly, combined with free and accessible birth control and thorough sex education, will bring the number of unwanted pregnancies close to zero.
7.
No matter what a woman “lets” a man do, she can’t (legally) make a man ejaculate inside of her. When he does, that’s 100 percent his doing. We know this is true because if she “let” him put his penis in a waffle iron, he wouldn’t. If someone tells you to do an irresponsible thing, and you choose to do that irresponsible thing, that’s on you.
This quote, sprinkled with some wit, speaks for itself and captures the key message of this book.
These and other arguments bring the author to the conclusion that "We need to focus on men and stopping irresponsible ejaculations. Everything else—reducing unwanted pregnancies, reducing abortions—follows from this critical focus."
I would add that if you want to acquire a brief knowledge about the content of this book, you can go through the titles of each chapter. They are quite straightforward.
August 25, 2023
THIS SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING FOR EVERY HUMAN!!!!
October 27, 2022
On the surface, Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion appears to be clever satire and if that were actually the case, I would applaud it. Men have historically been notorious for not accepting any responsibility for unplanned pregnancies, so this is an important topic that deserves to be discussed honestly.
The problem, however is that this book is not satire. Gabrielle Stanley Blair truly believes that men are 100% responsible for unplanned pregnancies and lays out a series of 28 brief arguments in support of that belief. Although her reasoning is billed as clever, compelling, unflinching and funny, I found it to be a mishmash of muddled thinking and flawed ethics.
Blair’s basic premise is simple: Without men, there are no sperm and without sperm there is no conception and without conception there is no pregnancy. Men are therefore the cause of all pregnancies, which makes them 100% responsible. This is a textbook example of a fallacy in formal logic known as casual reductionism: X causes Y; therefore X is the sole cause of Y even though A, B & C were also equally necessary.
The mathematical corollary to a man being 100% responsible for an unplanned pregnancy is that a woman bears no responsibility even if she prefers sex without a condom herself and urges her partner not to wear one. Blair attempts to argue that point in an number of ways, none of which actually hold water. She points out that a man wouldn’t put his penis in a waffle iron just because a woman wants him to, and while it’s true that you don’t have to act on the bad ideas of others and have nobody but yourself to blame for any negative results you experience if you do, this does not absolve a participating party of their own responsibility.
Blair offers a second analogy of a man who asks a friend to fire a gun at him. The friend complies and the man is fatally wounded. Blair claims a moral equivalency between a man's ability to point a gun in a safe direction and his ability to point his penis in a safe direction, but there are substantial differences between homicide and consensual sex. The physical expression of sexuality is a normal and natural part of life whereas homicide is not. The principles of consent and assumption of risk are rarely applicable to homicide whereas they are rarely inapplicable to consensual sex. You cannot negotiate away your right to life, but you can and do accept more mundane forms of risk. This happens when you purchase a front row seat at a ball game or a lift ticket at a ski resort, or admission to an amusement park. It also happens when you engage in consensual sex.
An analogy can be a useful rhetorical device, but it is not usually a valid argument in and of itself. Or as Plato said: “Arguments that make their point by means of similarities are impostors, and, unless you are on your guard against them, will quite readily deceive you.” Given that Blair makes no bones about the fact that she would like to see legal consequences for irresponsible ejaculation, a little more legal theory and a little less rhetoric is in order here.
One of Blair’s ideas is mandatory vasectomies for all boys reaching the age of puberty, which is typically twelve to thirteen years old. Perhaps she is unfamiliar with the Eugenics movement of the early 20th century and how we as a society eventually decided that forced sterilization is a criminal act. It doesn’t matter how you sugar-coat it. --You can call it a proposal, a thought experiment, or anything else you like. A crime against children for no other reason than they are male children is despicable. Given that Blair deplores attempts by pro-life groups to police women’s bodies, her inclusion of this idea in her book is not only morally reprehensible, but wildly hypocritical as well.
Although this approach no doubt plays well among like-minded women on Twitter, it virtually guarantees that Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion will not reach the audience it needs to reach the most, which is truly unfortunate.
The problem, however is that this book is not satire. Gabrielle Stanley Blair truly believes that men are 100% responsible for unplanned pregnancies and lays out a series of 28 brief arguments in support of that belief. Although her reasoning is billed as clever, compelling, unflinching and funny, I found it to be a mishmash of muddled thinking and flawed ethics.
Blair’s basic premise is simple: Without men, there are no sperm and without sperm there is no conception and without conception there is no pregnancy. Men are therefore the cause of all pregnancies, which makes them 100% responsible. This is a textbook example of a fallacy in formal logic known as casual reductionism: X causes Y; therefore X is the sole cause of Y even though A, B & C were also equally necessary.
The mathematical corollary to a man being 100% responsible for an unplanned pregnancy is that a woman bears no responsibility even if she prefers sex without a condom herself and urges her partner not to wear one. Blair attempts to argue that point in an number of ways, none of which actually hold water. She points out that a man wouldn’t put his penis in a waffle iron just because a woman wants him to, and while it’s true that you don’t have to act on the bad ideas of others and have nobody but yourself to blame for any negative results you experience if you do, this does not absolve a participating party of their own responsibility.
Blair offers a second analogy of a man who asks a friend to fire a gun at him. The friend complies and the man is fatally wounded. Blair claims a moral equivalency between a man's ability to point a gun in a safe direction and his ability to point his penis in a safe direction, but there are substantial differences between homicide and consensual sex. The physical expression of sexuality is a normal and natural part of life whereas homicide is not. The principles of consent and assumption of risk are rarely applicable to homicide whereas they are rarely inapplicable to consensual sex. You cannot negotiate away your right to life, but you can and do accept more mundane forms of risk. This happens when you purchase a front row seat at a ball game or a lift ticket at a ski resort, or admission to an amusement park. It also happens when you engage in consensual sex.
An analogy can be a useful rhetorical device, but it is not usually a valid argument in and of itself. Or as Plato said: “Arguments that make their point by means of similarities are impostors, and, unless you are on your guard against them, will quite readily deceive you.” Given that Blair makes no bones about the fact that she would like to see legal consequences for irresponsible ejaculation, a little more legal theory and a little less rhetoric is in order here.
One of Blair’s ideas is mandatory vasectomies for all boys reaching the age of puberty, which is typically twelve to thirteen years old. Perhaps she is unfamiliar with the Eugenics movement of the early 20th century and how we as a society eventually decided that forced sterilization is a criminal act. It doesn’t matter how you sugar-coat it. --You can call it a proposal, a thought experiment, or anything else you like. A crime against children for no other reason than they are male children is despicable. Given that Blair deplores attempts by pro-life groups to police women’s bodies, her inclusion of this idea in her book is not only morally reprehensible, but wildly hypocritical as well.
Although this approach no doubt plays well among like-minded women on Twitter, it virtually guarantees that Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion will not reach the audience it needs to reach the most, which is truly unfortunate.
May 21, 2023
Wow, where do I start? This was an extremely eye-opening read. Blair made a multitude of solid arguments for “responsible ejaculation” in this book and I don't disagree with any of them. The basic premise for all of her arguments is this: in order to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies (and therefore abortions) we should be focusing on men. And, well … it's not untrue. Men are 50x more fertile than women, men can choose when and where to ejaculate (unlike women, who can't control ovulation), and men's birth control methods are safer, more readily available, and have fewer side effects than those available to the opposite sex. So why does the responsibility of preventing unwanted pregnancies fall almost exclusively on women?
In case you were wondering, Blair doesn't just pull her arguments out of thin air. This book is meticulously researched and every chapter is filled to the brim with data and statistics. But not in a boring sort of way; while the included facts are often alarming and disheartening, they're always interesting and relevant to the topic at hand. At the end of the book, she provides a website that you can visit to find further information on her sources.
I only have one complaint about this book and it involves parts of the chapter regarding adoption. I know I'm particularly sensitive to this subject since I have an adopted son, and it's entirely possible that I'm reading things into her words that weren't truly there so I'm just going to leave it at what I've already written.
To sum things up, this is a well-researched book that provides important insight into the issues of unwanted pregnancy and abortion, and I absolutely believe that it should be required reading for every politician looking to restrict the rights of women under the guise of “preventing abortions.”
In case you were wondering, Blair doesn't just pull her arguments out of thin air. This book is meticulously researched and every chapter is filled to the brim with data and statistics. But not in a boring sort of way; while the included facts are often alarming and disheartening, they're always interesting and relevant to the topic at hand. At the end of the book, she provides a website that you can visit to find further information on her sources.
I only have one complaint about this book and it involves parts of the chapter regarding adoption. I know I'm particularly sensitive to this subject since I have an adopted son, and it's entirely possible that I'm reading things into her words that weren't truly there so I'm just going to leave it at what I've already written.
To sum things up, this is a well-researched book that provides important insight into the issues of unwanted pregnancy and abortion, and I absolutely believe that it should be required reading for every politician looking to restrict the rights of women under the guise of “preventing abortions.”
October 11, 2022
I’ve been a huge fan of the Twitter thread that started it all, so there was no question I was going to enjoy this book. Filled with reasonable arguments and backed up by facts (along with the reproductive education none of us got), I am convinced more than ever, that abortion is a men’s issue. Must read regardless of your position on abortion because it’s just good sense. Semen kills, y’all.
December 22, 2022
I could not put this book down. I have been wanting to read it since I heard of it on the author’s IG a while back. The thesis of Ejaculate Responsibly is that 100% of unwanted pregnancies are caused by men and their sperm. The current conversation about women and abortion is completely backwards. There are safe, inexpensive, and less invasive contraceptives available to men—condoms and vasectomies-- that if used would nearly eliminate unwanted pregnancies resulting in abortions. The current societal norm of putting the responsibility completely on the shoulders of women to prevent unwanted pregnancies is ridiculous. Women cannot control what time of the month their egg is fertilized. Most birth control options for women are hormones with extensive side effects. IUD installations are often painful yet not administered with pain killers the way vasectomies are for men. Tubal ligations have many side effects with a long recovery involved. Men have complete control of where and when they ejaculate, with very few repercussions if they choose irresponsibly. This book should be required reading and a part of sexual education in the United States—along with free and accessible contraception for all.
April 16, 2024
This is going to be a really unpopular opinion, but I really really disliked this book. I know everyone will probably hate me for it, but whatever.
While I agree with some of the author's points, I found the writing style condescending and grating, and found myself struggling to make it through the eighty-odd pages of this book. Somehow, Blair manages to repeat herself constantly, because at its heart, her argument comes down to one point: Men are fertile all the time, women are not, so men should be 100% responsible for birth control. So basically the whole book is just her rephrasing that idea, and using a bunch of poorly-though-out analogies as "evidence", which does not count, in my opinion.
This is also one of those arguments that is interesting in theory, but doesn't matter at all in real life, because there will never be a time when every man is 100% responsible about birth control and there are no unwanted pregnancies. Because of this, there will never be this ideal world that Blair has created in which there are no elective abortions. So I think it's kind of a waste of time to sit around talking about "what if". This also feels like a way for Blair to feel very progressive and feminist without actually having an opinion on the issue of abortion, which is much more important and relevant in today's world. And any world, for that matter.
I do think that men should take more responsibility for birth control and preventing unwanted pregnancies (how hard is it to wear a condom, for real), but the idea that men are 100% responsible for all pregnancies all the time is ridiculous. Women are usually involved in the process too. And, this argument ignores the men that are abused and deal with pressure from women not to wear a condom or whatever. I know that isn't super common, but it does happen, so saying that men are 100% in control of when and where they ejaculate is just a huge blanket statement that is not really helpful.
I read her original Twitter thread a while back, and in this book Blair conveniently omits her idea that all pubescent boys should be forced to get vasectomies to avoid causing unwanted pregnancies, and that any man who does cause an unwanted pregnancy should be castrated. That is probably kind of a good thing, but also feels like a cop-out, and removing the most controversial and problematic part of her original argument. Controlling women and what they do with their bodies is terrible. But is it not just as terrible to control men and what they do with theirs? How is that a solution to anything? Answer: It is not.
Save yourself some time and just read the Twitter thread. It's shorter and has all the same basic information. So there's no need to read this whole 80-page pamphlet and waste your time being talked down to by a non-expert.
Also, I want to know if Gabrielle Blair forced her two sons to get vasectomies to prevent them from "ejaculating irresponsibly". If not, she's a huge hypocrite and shouldn't get to talk about this topic at all.
While I agree with some of the author's points, I found the writing style condescending and grating, and found myself struggling to make it through the eighty-odd pages of this book. Somehow, Blair manages to repeat herself constantly, because at its heart, her argument comes down to one point: Men are fertile all the time, women are not, so men should be 100% responsible for birth control. So basically the whole book is just her rephrasing that idea, and using a bunch of poorly-though-out analogies as "evidence", which does not count, in my opinion.
This is also one of those arguments that is interesting in theory, but doesn't matter at all in real life, because there will never be a time when every man is 100% responsible about birth control and there are no unwanted pregnancies. Because of this, there will never be this ideal world that Blair has created in which there are no elective abortions. So I think it's kind of a waste of time to sit around talking about "what if". This also feels like a way for Blair to feel very progressive and feminist without actually having an opinion on the issue of abortion, which is much more important and relevant in today's world. And any world, for that matter.
I do think that men should take more responsibility for birth control and preventing unwanted pregnancies (how hard is it to wear a condom, for real), but the idea that men are 100% responsible for all pregnancies all the time is ridiculous. Women are usually involved in the process too. And, this argument ignores the men that are abused and deal with pressure from women not to wear a condom or whatever. I know that isn't super common, but it does happen, so saying that men are 100% in control of when and where they ejaculate is just a huge blanket statement that is not really helpful.
I read her original Twitter thread a while back, and in this book Blair conveniently omits her idea that all pubescent boys should be forced to get vasectomies to avoid causing unwanted pregnancies, and that any man who does cause an unwanted pregnancy should be castrated. That is probably kind of a good thing, but also feels like a cop-out, and removing the most controversial and problematic part of her original argument. Controlling women and what they do with their bodies is terrible. But is it not just as terrible to control men and what they do with theirs? How is that a solution to anything? Answer: It is not.
Save yourself some time and just read the Twitter thread. It's shorter and has all the same basic information. So there's no need to read this whole 80-page pamphlet and waste your time being talked down to by a non-expert.
Also, I want to know if Gabrielle Blair forced her two sons to get vasectomies to prevent them from "ejaculating irresponsibly". If not, she's a huge hypocrite and shouldn't get to talk about this topic at all.
September 3, 2022
I want to start by saying I was very excited to read this book.
I have been following Gabrielle Blair for years and her Twitter threads have been an amazing source of well structured, simple and clear arguments. This book is the same.
One argument at a time, she makes the case with precision and undeniable facts that all unwanted pregnancies are the result of an irresponsible ejaculation, and explores accurately the heavy burden put on people with uteruses on preventing pregnancies, regardless of their sexual pleasure, the pain caused by birth control methods, the cost of the entire procedures, and the very very limited time they actually are able to become pregnant.
I would say this is a must read for everyone, if it wasn't for the inacceptable trans erasure in the choice of vocabulary and phrasing. It is 2022, and everyone can do better than this. It would have been really easy and simple to NOT correlate penises with men and vaginas with women, especially in this climate of transphobia. Especially since trans people who get pregnant are particularly vulnerable in the system Blair is describing.
Is this book a valuable collection of facts about pregnancies, birth control, ejaculation, orgasms and inequality all caused by the misogyny and sexism deeply rooted in history? Yes.
Would I pay money to read this would and would I recommend others do? No.
Thank you NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for the opportunity to read this ARC.
I have been following Gabrielle Blair for years and her Twitter threads have been an amazing source of well structured, simple and clear arguments. This book is the same.
One argument at a time, she makes the case with precision and undeniable facts that all unwanted pregnancies are the result of an irresponsible ejaculation, and explores accurately the heavy burden put on people with uteruses on preventing pregnancies, regardless of their sexual pleasure, the pain caused by birth control methods, the cost of the entire procedures, and the very very limited time they actually are able to become pregnant.
I would say this is a must read for everyone, if it wasn't for the inacceptable trans erasure in the choice of vocabulary and phrasing. It is 2022, and everyone can do better than this. It would have been really easy and simple to NOT correlate penises with men and vaginas with women, especially in this climate of transphobia. Especially since trans people who get pregnant are particularly vulnerable in the system Blair is describing.
Is this book a valuable collection of facts about pregnancies, birth control, ejaculation, orgasms and inequality all caused by the misogyny and sexism deeply rooted in history? Yes.
Would I pay money to read this would and would I recommend others do? No.
Thank you NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for the opportunity to read this ARC.
January 6, 2025
No matter what side of the fence you sit on with this argument everyone should read this. The facts are finally presented and womens bodies should not be used for politics! Suggestions to proceed should become the new talking points.
March 15, 2023
It will make you mad—in a good way
The dichotomy between what we expect of women and what we expect of men is staggering. The bar for men is on the floor. It needs to change. We can, and must, expect men to be responsible.
The dichotomy between what we expect of women and what we expect of men is staggering. The bar for men is on the floor. It needs to change. We can, and must, expect men to be responsible.
October 19, 2022
In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair (aka @DesignMom) presents a series of compelling arguments that reframe the conversation about unplanned pregnancies and abortion.
Fact: All unplanned pregnancies (and therefore all elective abortions) are the result of sperm ending up in a vagina. Hard stop.
It doesn’t matter how many times or with how many people a woman has sex. If there is no sperm left behind in her vagina, by a man, there will be no pregnancy.
So, instead of focusing anti-abortion and anti-birth control arguments on women being irresponsible sluts who get themselves pregnant[*], let’s talk about men being irresponsible ejaculators. In short: men need to take responsibility for where they put (or ideally do NOT put) their sperm if they do not wish to take the risk of impregnating their female partner(s).
Let’s have well-funded, comprehensive sex education for everyone. Let’s make sure birth control is easily accessible (and ideally free). Let’s teach men that keeping their sperm out of vaginas is their responsibility. Abortion should be legal and easily accessible because no one should be forced to carry a pregnancy to term, and there would be less need for abortion if there was more responsible ejaculation.
Despite being a basic tenet of mammalian reproduction, thinking about unplanned pregnancy and abortion through this lens will likely be written off as “too feminist” by the people who need to read this book the most, but if you are able to scrape off the layers of ingrained misogynistic garbage we’ve been indoctrinated with our entire lives, Blair’s reasoning is crystal clear. She makes her points succinctly, with humor and grace, which makes for a quick, engaging, thought-provoking read.
This book should be required reading for all humans. I loved it so much.
[*] if only optional parthenogenesis was a thing. Sigh.
THANK YOU to Workman Publishing for the NetGalley review copy. Ejaculate Responsibly publishes October 18th.
Fact: All unplanned pregnancies (and therefore all elective abortions) are the result of sperm ending up in a vagina. Hard stop.
It doesn’t matter how many times or with how many people a woman has sex. If there is no sperm left behind in her vagina, by a man, there will be no pregnancy.
So, instead of focusing anti-abortion and anti-birth control arguments on women being irresponsible sluts who get themselves pregnant[*], let’s talk about men being irresponsible ejaculators. In short: men need to take responsibility for where they put (or ideally do NOT put) their sperm if they do not wish to take the risk of impregnating their female partner(s).
Let’s have well-funded, comprehensive sex education for everyone. Let’s make sure birth control is easily accessible (and ideally free). Let’s teach men that keeping their sperm out of vaginas is their responsibility. Abortion should be legal and easily accessible because no one should be forced to carry a pregnancy to term, and there would be less need for abortion if there was more responsible ejaculation.
Despite being a basic tenet of mammalian reproduction, thinking about unplanned pregnancy and abortion through this lens will likely be written off as “too feminist” by the people who need to read this book the most, but if you are able to scrape off the layers of ingrained misogynistic garbage we’ve been indoctrinated with our entire lives, Blair’s reasoning is crystal clear. She makes her points succinctly, with humor and grace, which makes for a quick, engaging, thought-provoking read.
This book should be required reading for all humans. I loved it so much.
[*] if only optional parthenogenesis was a thing. Sigh.
THANK YOU to Workman Publishing for the NetGalley review copy. Ejaculate Responsibly publishes October 18th.
January 21, 2023
Provocative title and an orange cover? Must read!
The contents are just as provocative -- and sort of orangish -- and I fully endorse the need to assert men's responsibility for unwanted pregnancies. (It puts me in mind of the "last clear chance" doctrine in accident litigation.)
While I support the right to abortion, I have long felt that society should be doing more to minimize its necessity by reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies by providing sex education, free contraceptives and vasectomies, and support for those who are pregnant or have just given birth so choosing to remain pregnant doesn't seem a source of financial and personal ruin. In my mind, those who can only think in terms of bans are not as pro-life as they claim to be.
The contents are just as provocative -- and sort of orangish -- and I fully endorse the need to assert men's responsibility for unwanted pregnancies. (It puts me in mind of the "last clear chance" doctrine in accident litigation.)
While I support the right to abortion, I have long felt that society should be doing more to minimize its necessity by reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies by providing sex education, free contraceptives and vasectomies, and support for those who are pregnant or have just given birth so choosing to remain pregnant doesn't seem a source of financial and personal ruin. In my mind, those who can only think in terms of bans are not as pro-life as they claim to be.
November 3, 2022
I did not hate this book which may surprise some from my two star rating. I thought that the concept was solid, the outline was easy to follow and her arguments were relatively sound with few exceptions. I think this book absolutely states truths about how ideas around abortion and responsibility can and should be shifted.
However, there were some very specific problems that I had with this book and they all center around the author.
First, I had a problem with the trans and queer erasure at the beginning of the book. To not include that was very telling and concerning and means that the book did not tell a full and complete picture. She also did not address how POC are more impacted by all of these issues, centering her own white experience.
Next, I had a very big problem with the statement, and I’m paraphrasing here, that all men choose where they ejaculate. This completely erases men who are sexually abused, in an emotionally abusive relationship or in general are forced to have non consensual sex. This is also problematic and continues to shrink the scope and relevance of the book. Even a cursory mention or acknowledgement would have been ok but she didn’t even bother to do that.
Last, I have a real problem with this author writing this book at all as a member of the LDS church. There was so much hypocrisy in writing a book centered around female rights while participating in and raising children in a church that denies women rights. In writing a book that talks about the importance of sexual education when the church’s official stance is that sexual education should happen at home. In writing a book that encourages birth control when the church’s stance on birth control is purposefully murky and socially stigmatized within the church itself. In writing a book that claims to champion some of these rights, including abortion when the church actively encourages their congregation to vote for people that publicly campaign against those same rights. If the author had even attempted to address this in her book, I might have forgiven her. But she didn’t and I don’t. Instead she is endorsing and profiting from ideas that others fight for while she exists in and continues to teach principles that exist in opposition.
However, there were some very specific problems that I had with this book and they all center around the author.
First, I had a problem with the trans and queer erasure at the beginning of the book. To not include that was very telling and concerning and means that the book did not tell a full and complete picture. She also did not address how POC are more impacted by all of these issues, centering her own white experience.
Next, I had a very big problem with the statement, and I’m paraphrasing here, that all men choose where they ejaculate. This completely erases men who are sexually abused, in an emotionally abusive relationship or in general are forced to have non consensual sex. This is also problematic and continues to shrink the scope and relevance of the book. Even a cursory mention or acknowledgement would have been ok but she didn’t even bother to do that.
Last, I have a real problem with this author writing this book at all as a member of the LDS church. There was so much hypocrisy in writing a book centered around female rights while participating in and raising children in a church that denies women rights. In writing a book that talks about the importance of sexual education when the church’s official stance is that sexual education should happen at home. In writing a book that encourages birth control when the church’s stance on birth control is purposefully murky and socially stigmatized within the church itself. In writing a book that claims to champion some of these rights, including abortion when the church actively encourages their congregation to vote for people that publicly campaign against those same rights. If the author had even attempted to address this in her book, I might have forgiven her. But she didn’t and I don’t. Instead she is endorsing and profiting from ideas that others fight for while she exists in and continues to teach principles that exist in opposition.
November 18, 2022
not sure a review is even needed. it's all right there in the title. i remember when she first posted this as a twitter thread & am happy to see it published. i've read that it is repetitive but that's by design & it's effective. i would love to see this added to school curriculum.
February 26, 2025
Men are 50x more fertile than woman every day of their lives. Why are woman largely blamed for unwanted pregnancies and elective abortions?
This is an impeccably argued book about how we are regulating the wrong sex. Men are way more fertile than woman are and cause every single unwanted pregnancy and abortion. They bear MORE responsibility, not LESS, than woman because woman are fertile just one day during their menstrual cycle and literally have no way of knowing when that day is. Whereas men KNOW FOR A FACT, they are fertile literally every time they ejaculate. The answer is condoms, vasectomies and men ejaculating with more accountability. Sperm is literally a biohazard to woman's bodies because pregnancy is a dangerous state to be in.
This book is brief, well argued and capable of up-ending the paradigm.
This is an impeccably argued book about how we are regulating the wrong sex. Men are way more fertile than woman are and cause every single unwanted pregnancy and abortion. They bear MORE responsibility, not LESS, than woman because woman are fertile just one day during their menstrual cycle and literally have no way of knowing when that day is. Whereas men KNOW FOR A FACT, they are fertile literally every time they ejaculate. The answer is condoms, vasectomies and men ejaculating with more accountability. Sperm is literally a biohazard to woman's bodies because pregnancy is a dangerous state to be in.
This book is brief, well argued and capable of up-ending the paradigm.
May 18, 2024
Um livro curto e direto ao que interessa. Muito informativo, mas tão relevante, e não custou nada a virar as páginas.
Agora… ejaculem com responsabilidade 💁🏻♀️
Agora… ejaculem com responsabilidade 💁🏻♀️
![Profile Image for laurel [the suspected bibliophile].](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1645808644i%2F7494844._UX200_CR0%2C6%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
November 9, 2023
"Women are responsible for their bodies, and men's bodies." Oof.
Mmmm, some points are good.
Some points are...not super duper thought out.
But the point remains: most cis men are fertile 100% of the time, while most cis women are fertile 3% of the time (at best).
And yet, because women are left holding the bag of irresponsible ejaculations (i.e., a pregnancy) and the effects are going to fuck up her body, she is the one held responsible. Not the guy.
This is a crucial reframing of the abortion argument, and a reframing of who is responsible for fertility and/or lack thereof.
Spoiler alert: in an argument that's going to surprise not a single damn woman, cis men need to step the fuck up and take responsibility for their own fertility.
Mmmm, some points are good.
Some points are...not super duper thought out.
But the point remains: most cis men are fertile 100% of the time, while most cis women are fertile 3% of the time (at best).
And yet, because women are left holding the bag of irresponsible ejaculations (i.e., a pregnancy) and the effects are going to fuck up her body, she is the one held responsible. Not the guy.
This is a crucial reframing of the abortion argument, and a reframing of who is responsible for fertility and/or lack thereof.
Spoiler alert: in an argument that's going to surprise not a single damn woman, cis men need to step the fuck up and take responsibility for their own fertility.
January 27, 2023
AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Buying as many copies of this as there are people in my life who would read it.
My only critique - though she clearly worked to make this an approachable book for many readers - is that I still think it’s likely her rhetoric in a few key places could turn off the folks she hopes most to convince. It also gave me the bad shivers to even type that out, so.
Really looking forward to digging into her sources because some of the cited figures were hard to believe, even for a person who pretty regularly looks for this kind of information. We’ll see if I get around to an updated review once that happens…
My only critique - though she clearly worked to make this an approachable book for many readers - is that I still think it’s likely her rhetoric in a few key places could turn off the folks she hopes most to convince. It also gave me the bad shivers to even type that out, so.
Really looking forward to digging into her sources because some of the cited figures were hard to believe, even for a person who pretty regularly looks for this kind of information. We’ll see if I get around to an updated review once that happens…
January 10, 2024
Generally convincing. The objective is to rethink sexual responsibility, such as the excellent thought experiment wherein potential impregnators are required to get vasectomies (111), instead of placing default responsibility on those who can become pregnant. The writing is feminist, pro-sex, and pro-choice, though the problem to be solved is unwanted pregnancy, which can be handled more efficiently at the moment of ejaculation than at any point thereafter. The notion that ejaculators are simply permitted to leave their genetic information wherever they please should be horrifying but for the usual reasons it is tolerated.
Appropriate and relevant Advent reading.
Appropriate and relevant Advent reading.
October 20, 2022
It's about time we called ejaculators in on the subject of abortion instead of just destroying egg holders over it. And that's what this book does. Anyone who has ever opened their mouth on the subject of abortion should be required to read this book.
Very solidly put together and well written. Thanks Gabrielle, I'm super glad I pre-ordered this to keep on my shelf even though I got a free copy from Netgalley also in exchange for an honest review. If I had the money I'd send copies to everyone.
Very solidly put together and well written. Thanks Gabrielle, I'm super glad I pre-ordered this to keep on my shelf even though I got a free copy from Netgalley also in exchange for an honest review. If I had the money I'd send copies to everyone.
November 12, 2022
Ok, for those men out there who DO ejaculate responsibly, THANK YOU. This book is NOT an attack against anyone, but it can come across as annoying or worse to those men who ARE responsible in what they do with their baby causing bodily fluids.
Now, as for the men who are NOT responsible about where they shoot their baby-making bodily fluids.
You are 100% of the time able to make a woman pregnant. Women are only fertile 5 days out of the month. So why is the burden to not get pregnant almost always carried by the woman and not the man AND the woman? Yes, I know, I know. Because she is the one left holding the bag for nine months literally and beyond if she gets preggers. However, the man has a part to play in her getting preggers too.
The author is not anti-baby and she isn't trying to push abortion in either direction, she just came up with the unique thought, "What is abortion at it's crux? It's ending an unwanted pregnancy. So how do we avoid unwanted pregnancies? Have the man be an active part of the pregnancy prevention before sex ever occurs."
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, though I would add that the medical system needs a HUGE overhaul too, as evidenced by my story to follow.
She breaks down multiple reasons why the guy should care about pregnancy prevention, including the health of his partner. It's less stress on him and his body to get a vasectomy than for her to get a tubal ligation and The Pill, while a miracle IMHO, also has it's drawbacks, such as MUCH worse clotting potential than the J&J COVID-19 vaccine. Like, it's KILLED women, almost killed my BFF and me and who knows how many other women, all to not get pregnant when we weren't ready for it.
Also, re: vasectomy vs tubal ligation, here's a fun story.
Ever since I was 15 through til about my mid-30s, I have asked MULTIPLE OBGYNs, both male and female, to get my tubes tied.
I was refused EACH TIME.
I was told that "You are too young" Ok, 15 is a bit young, but if 6 year olds can decide they are a different gender than what they were born as, why can't a 15 year old decide they don't want kids and do something to their body about it? And how was I "too young" in my 20s or higher? If I can legally drink, smoke, drive and fight/kill/die for my country, why can't I have control over my own body regarding reproduction?
I was told "You might change your mind, what if you meet a man in the future who you want to have kids with?" Basically, they were saying, even when I said I would sign a waiver, that I didn't know my own mind, that I was too stupid to know what I really wanted, that THEY knew better than I did about my own reproduction.
I was told "you have to have at least two children, be in a relationship and have the man agree to your tubes being tied before we can do that to you." So let me get this straight, I have to have two kids I don't want so I can not have more and I NEED to be with a MAN who is basically getting the right to say it's ok I won't have more kids?!? What sort of MESSED UP SH*T is THAT?!?!? (FYI, I STILL have no children. Not against kids, they are a blessing, I just never had the urge to have my own. I am 100% open to fostering, adoption and if a gentleman I meet has kids, I just didn't and still don't want biological children of my own.)
And this book points out I am NOT the only one that has happened to.
Has ANY man been told "no" when he said he wanted a vasectomy? So why can MEN have total control over their bodies and women CAN'T???
So if you hear someone saying "my body my choice" about abortion or changing their gender physically, let them know it goes DEEPER than that. Let them know they need to fight for the right for women to have the power to decide if they want tubal ligations or not. That women need the right to make decisions about their reproduction THEMSELVES and not a system that is biased against women.
Tubal ligations aren't perfect BUT I'm sure it reduces the requests for abortions.
We need to teach all genders how to prevent unwanted pregnancies and encourage them to do so. To have responsible sex. Then abortions, which are hard on the woman physically, mentally and emotionally, will be much less needed. I think women get it mostly, but men need to be on the same page. We need open discussion about sex and the repercussions before men and women are in the bedroom, before it's too late and abortion is the only option.
This book is amazing and needs to be on every school reading list, on everyone's short TBR. It needs to be discussed calmly and with real thought and not devolve into a shouting match.
If you are pro-abortion, the fact that women are being denied something even MORE important, tubal ligations which would negate the need for many abortions, should make this basic right that men get and women are denied, become a HUGE item on your agenda. The men who are pro-abortion need to recognize their role in creating unwanted pregnancies and be willing to put their money where their mouth is and actually actively DO something to prevent the pregnancies they are 100% behind terminating.
If you are anti-abortion, ejaculating responsibly should be something you are 100% behind, because every prevented unwanted pregnancy is one less abortion you are fighting against. Ditto letting women have tubal ligations if they so choose and teaching boys who become men how to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place.
Abortion ISN'T the issue, men AND women being responsible AND able to make reproductive decisions BEFORE pregnancy IS. This books makes that stunningly clear.
5, this blew my mind and it need to blow everyone's mind, stars. I can't recommend this book enough.
My thanks to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for an eARC copy of this book to read and review.
Now, as for the men who are NOT responsible about where they shoot their baby-making bodily fluids.
You are 100% of the time able to make a woman pregnant. Women are only fertile 5 days out of the month. So why is the burden to not get pregnant almost always carried by the woman and not the man AND the woman? Yes, I know, I know. Because she is the one left holding the bag for nine months literally and beyond if she gets preggers. However, the man has a part to play in her getting preggers too.
The author is not anti-baby and she isn't trying to push abortion in either direction, she just came up with the unique thought, "What is abortion at it's crux? It's ending an unwanted pregnancy. So how do we avoid unwanted pregnancies? Have the man be an active part of the pregnancy prevention before sex ever occurs."
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, though I would add that the medical system needs a HUGE overhaul too, as evidenced by my story to follow.
She breaks down multiple reasons why the guy should care about pregnancy prevention, including the health of his partner. It's less stress on him and his body to get a vasectomy than for her to get a tubal ligation and The Pill, while a miracle IMHO, also has it's drawbacks, such as MUCH worse clotting potential than the J&J COVID-19 vaccine. Like, it's KILLED women, almost killed my BFF and me and who knows how many other women, all to not get pregnant when we weren't ready for it.
Also, re: vasectomy vs tubal ligation, here's a fun story.
Ever since I was 15 through til about my mid-30s, I have asked MULTIPLE OBGYNs, both male and female, to get my tubes tied.
I was refused EACH TIME.
I was told that "You are too young" Ok, 15 is a bit young, but if 6 year olds can decide they are a different gender than what they were born as, why can't a 15 year old decide they don't want kids and do something to their body about it? And how was I "too young" in my 20s or higher? If I can legally drink, smoke, drive and fight/kill/die for my country, why can't I have control over my own body regarding reproduction?
I was told "You might change your mind, what if you meet a man in the future who you want to have kids with?" Basically, they were saying, even when I said I would sign a waiver, that I didn't know my own mind, that I was too stupid to know what I really wanted, that THEY knew better than I did about my own reproduction.
I was told "you have to have at least two children, be in a relationship and have the man agree to your tubes being tied before we can do that to you." So let me get this straight, I have to have two kids I don't want so I can not have more and I NEED to be with a MAN who is basically getting the right to say it's ok I won't have more kids?!? What sort of MESSED UP SH*T is THAT?!?!? (FYI, I STILL have no children. Not against kids, they are a blessing, I just never had the urge to have my own. I am 100% open to fostering, adoption and if a gentleman I meet has kids, I just didn't and still don't want biological children of my own.)
And this book points out I am NOT the only one that has happened to.
Has ANY man been told "no" when he said he wanted a vasectomy? So why can MEN have total control over their bodies and women CAN'T???
So if you hear someone saying "my body my choice" about abortion or changing their gender physically, let them know it goes DEEPER than that. Let them know they need to fight for the right for women to have the power to decide if they want tubal ligations or not. That women need the right to make decisions about their reproduction THEMSELVES and not a system that is biased against women.
Tubal ligations aren't perfect BUT I'm sure it reduces the requests for abortions.
We need to teach all genders how to prevent unwanted pregnancies and encourage them to do so. To have responsible sex. Then abortions, which are hard on the woman physically, mentally and emotionally, will be much less needed. I think women get it mostly, but men need to be on the same page. We need open discussion about sex and the repercussions before men and women are in the bedroom, before it's too late and abortion is the only option.
This book is amazing and needs to be on every school reading list, on everyone's short TBR. It needs to be discussed calmly and with real thought and not devolve into a shouting match.
If you are pro-abortion, the fact that women are being denied something even MORE important, tubal ligations which would negate the need for many abortions, should make this basic right that men get and women are denied, become a HUGE item on your agenda. The men who are pro-abortion need to recognize their role in creating unwanted pregnancies and be willing to put their money where their mouth is and actually actively DO something to prevent the pregnancies they are 100% behind terminating.
If you are anti-abortion, ejaculating responsibly should be something you are 100% behind, because every prevented unwanted pregnancy is one less abortion you are fighting against. Ditto letting women have tubal ligations if they so choose and teaching boys who become men how to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place.
Abortion ISN'T the issue, men AND women being responsible AND able to make reproductive decisions BEFORE pregnancy IS. This books makes that stunningly clear.
5, this blew my mind and it need to blow everyone's mind, stars. I can't recommend this book enough.
My thanks to NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for an eARC copy of this book to read and review.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 30, 2024
Abortion is one of the most divisive social issues in the West today. For those who are pro-life, the practice of abortion is tantamount to genocide while those who are pro-choice decry anti-abortion rhetoric as repressive attempts to control women's bodies and deny their own autonomy. In the midst of this controversial debate (especially in light of the overturning of Roe v. Wade in 2022), Gabrielle Blair's Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion is a most welcome proposal for how society can better approach reproductive rights and pregnancy.
Blair lays out her case through 28 short, straightforward arguments. The steady, driving contention of Blair is that more responsibility must be bestowed upon men when it comes to abortion; "We've put the burden of pregnancy prevention on the person who is fertile for 24 hours a month, instead of the person who is fertile 24 hours a day, every day of their life" (p. 2). The vast majority of pregnancy prevention is targeted towards women whereas relatively little attention is dedicated towards male fertility (p. 15). Pregnancy is impossible without sperm fertilizing an egg.
I learned a lot from this book (including that vasectomies are not only vastly cheaper than women's options of getting their "tubes tied" and that, in many cases, vasectomies are reversible). Blair also points out a lot of hypocrisy in our culture. A woman who does not have condoms in her home is deemed as irresponsible for not being better prepared to prevent pregnancy and yet if she does have condoms in her home she might be considered to be a "slut" - damned if you do, damned if you don't. The methods available for men to prevent pregnancy and ejaculate responsibly are cheaper and less invasive than the methods women are expected to undergo or use. Although the book is concise and free from footnotes/endnotes, Blair has backed up a lot of her assertions through a lengthy online source list.
I do think at times Blair overstates her case. This is most apparent when she discusses parenting. For a Mormon mother of six, her tone towards parenting comes across as fairly negative. Parenting is tough, demanding work - no doubt. But as Blair grapples with the issue of unwanted pregnancies, she cautions that it is unfair to foist a lifelong burden upon a woman who does not want or does not have the capacity to raise a child. Yet while it is obvious that parenting is a lifelong reality, the mother's (and father's!) parental responsibilities toward their child will change over time. A toddler is extremely reliant upon their parents but that reliance declines as the child grows up; a fourteen-year old is more capable of caring for themselves than a toddler and a fully-grown adult ought not to be dependent upon their parents.
Near the end of the book, Blair shrewdly remarks:
She is right on this. The power of her book is that she urges men to prevent pregnancies in the first place by ejaculating responsibly; society would not need to tear itself apart on abortion if unwanted pregnancies could be easily prevented in the first place (and here Blair's tools are condoms, vasectomies, and thorough sex education). Blair's proposals should be welcomed by those like herself who are pro-choice as well as those like myself who are pro-life.
While I do commend this book as a "whole new way to think about abortion," I was disappointed that Blair ignores the morality of fetal rights. Her arguments tend to be based on sheer pragmatism. She harshly criticizes those who advocate for adoption as a "solution" to abortion by arguing that adoptees (and the mothers that give them up for adoption) may be traumatized by being cut off from their birth family and culture but from my standpoint, it is still better for a black child to be born than aborted, even if she is then adopted by a white family; adoptive parents are being increasingly mindful of how to nurture their adopted child's cultural awareness if they are from different ethnicities/cultures and, most important of all, I think it's a far better thing to exist and live rather than being annihilated in the womb (it is always a slippery, subjective slope when one argues for a person's right to live based upon a vague notion of "quality of life"). Traditional Roman Catholics won't agree with her fervent championing of condoms but as an evangelical Protestant I see condoms as a very reasonable tool to prevent great evil (abortion). Perhaps if Blair actually shouted support for fetal rights readers would declare her as being a "closet pro-lifer" (but she might not hold that view at all).
Anyways, this book should be necessary reading for people on both sides of the abortion debate. It’s time for men to get their comeuppance.
Blair lays out her case through 28 short, straightforward arguments. The steady, driving contention of Blair is that more responsibility must be bestowed upon men when it comes to abortion; "We've put the burden of pregnancy prevention on the person who is fertile for 24 hours a month, instead of the person who is fertile 24 hours a day, every day of their life" (p. 2). The vast majority of pregnancy prevention is targeted towards women whereas relatively little attention is dedicated towards male fertility (p. 15). Pregnancy is impossible without sperm fertilizing an egg.
I learned a lot from this book (including that vasectomies are not only vastly cheaper than women's options of getting their "tubes tied" and that, in many cases, vasectomies are reversible). Blair also points out a lot of hypocrisy in our culture. A woman who does not have condoms in her home is deemed as irresponsible for not being better prepared to prevent pregnancy and yet if she does have condoms in her home she might be considered to be a "slut" - damned if you do, damned if you don't. The methods available for men to prevent pregnancy and ejaculate responsibly are cheaper and less invasive than the methods women are expected to undergo or use. Although the book is concise and free from footnotes/endnotes, Blair has backed up a lot of her assertions through a lengthy online source list.
I do think at times Blair overstates her case. This is most apparent when she discusses parenting. For a Mormon mother of six, her tone towards parenting comes across as fairly negative. Parenting is tough, demanding work - no doubt. But as Blair grapples with the issue of unwanted pregnancies, she cautions that it is unfair to foist a lifelong burden upon a woman who does not want or does not have the capacity to raise a child. Yet while it is obvious that parenting is a lifelong reality, the mother's (and father's!) parental responsibilities toward their child will change over time. A toddler is extremely reliant upon their parents but that reliance declines as the child grows up; a fourteen-year old is more capable of caring for themselves than a toddler and a fully-grown adult ought not to be dependent upon their parents.
Near the end of the book, Blair shrewdly remarks:
If your focus is solely on abortion and whether it is a legal or moral right, you still won't reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and you won't reduce the number of irresponsible ejaculations. But! If you focus on dramatically reducing the number of irresponsible ejaculations, you will dramatically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, and you will dramatically reduce the number of abortions (p. 76).
She is right on this. The power of her book is that she urges men to prevent pregnancies in the first place by ejaculating responsibly; society would not need to tear itself apart on abortion if unwanted pregnancies could be easily prevented in the first place (and here Blair's tools are condoms, vasectomies, and thorough sex education). Blair's proposals should be welcomed by those like herself who are pro-choice as well as those like myself who are pro-life.
While I do commend this book as a "whole new way to think about abortion," I was disappointed that Blair ignores the morality of fetal rights. Her arguments tend to be based on sheer pragmatism. She harshly criticizes those who advocate for adoption as a "solution" to abortion by arguing that adoptees (and the mothers that give them up for adoption) may be traumatized by being cut off from their birth family and culture but from my standpoint, it is still better for a black child to be born than aborted, even if she is then adopted by a white family; adoptive parents are being increasingly mindful of how to nurture their adopted child's cultural awareness if they are from different ethnicities/cultures and, most important of all, I think it's a far better thing to exist and live rather than being annihilated in the womb (it is always a slippery, subjective slope when one argues for a person's right to live based upon a vague notion of "quality of life"). Traditional Roman Catholics won't agree with her fervent championing of condoms but as an evangelical Protestant I see condoms as a very reasonable tool to prevent great evil (abortion). Perhaps if Blair actually shouted support for fetal rights readers would declare her as being a "closet pro-lifer" (but she might not hold that view at all).
Anyways, this book should be necessary reading for people on both sides of the abortion debate. It’s time for men to get their comeuppance.
April 27, 2023
Abortion is an everybodyyyyyy issue. Despite 28 specific arguments, I found this a bit reductive. A great example of it is how you say it, as much as it is what you say. Some arguments are compelling and true (Men are 50 times more fertile than women; We expect women to do the work of pregnancy prevention; Adoption is not an alternative to abortion), while others lack nuance (Ovulation is involuntary, ejaculation is not; Men cause all unwanted pregnancies; A vasectomy should be the easy choice every time). Blanket statements on vasectomies are distracting -- I want cis men to read 100 pages on how harmful and disruptive birth control options are for menstruating people, and I want vasectomies to be shared as the safe option that they are. I don't want attacks on reproductive choice to be met only with a demand for vasectomies. If the goal is to encourage cis hetero men to take responsibility for their (ever present, undeniable, routinely ignored, completely required) role in unplanned pregnancy, we need to do more encouraging than blaming. Not coddle and soothe (never coddle and soothe), but underscore how at each moment a cis man experiences lack of personal and cultural accountability in regards to abortion, another person suffers in response.
Blair opted to create a webpage with all the sources instead of citing in text which I think is a big mistake, especially as its only purpose seems to be to maintain a simple aesthetic. There is a note on why Blair opts for gendered language the entire book, which is also a mistake. The 95 Theses style of this book made it hard to take the arguments as seriously as they deserve to be. But maybe I'm just a long-form elitist, and a list-form manifesto will be accessibly influential. I hope! Regardless, cis hetero men for sureeeeeee should be ejaculating more responsibly as they are fertile 24 hours a day every day of the year while cis women are fertile ~24 hours once a month at best. I love abortion, and I love pregnancy prevention more!
Blair opted to create a webpage with all the sources instead of citing in text which I think is a big mistake, especially as its only purpose seems to be to maintain a simple aesthetic. There is a note on why Blair opts for gendered language the entire book, which is also a mistake. The 95 Theses style of this book made it hard to take the arguments as seriously as they deserve to be. But maybe I'm just a long-form elitist, and a list-form manifesto will be accessibly influential. I hope! Regardless, cis hetero men for sureeeeeee should be ejaculating more responsibly as they are fertile 24 hours a day every day of the year while cis women are fertile ~24 hours once a month at best. I love abortion, and I love pregnancy prevention more!
January 16, 2024
While the premise/thesis of this slim text is solid, none of these arguments are news to anyone working in reproductive health. A pithy title, well-timed during public outcry, cannot make up for inaccuracies presented as facts, gaps in the information offered, and assumptions about how men and women operate.
Some examples:
Blair is weirdly attached to vasectomies being an equally valid birth control choice as condoms. At first, I thought this was facetiousness, but she repeats this multiple times, bolstering the biological possibility of reversal while ignoring every other facet of this discussion. If someone banks sperm or thinks they can reverse it if needed, a person instantly becomes ineligible for the procedure, yet these are offered as legitimate options. Not to mention, getting a vasectomy often costs nothing, while reversals are nearly always fully paid for by the patient and cost thousands and thousands of dollars.
Lots of assumptions about condoms in here. Men are the only ones who hate condoms (they're really not). Dismissive of the internal/female condom (beloved by many people who find traditional condoms too tight) She has clearly never tried to help someone find non-traditionally sized condoms (it's time- and money-expensive, and she offers this as a simple alternative).
For some reason, she's under the impression that men demand rough sex (choking, specifically) and that women must submit to this or be rejected. As a former sex educator, this is patently false. There isn't a data-based gender breakdown or anything, but it's at least 50-50, if not the majority of women who are asking for choking during sex. She seems to only be speaking to monogamous couples, completely ignoring the real reasons that a woman would need to choose sterilization/birth control for herself vs. her multiple partners all getting vasectomies.
The worst one is that she uses the criminalization of HIV+ people (in exposing their partners to HIV) as an equivalency to sperm coming in contact with a female reproductive system. She seems to be completely unaware that the criminalization of people with STIs is in itself a human rights violation, and it's clear she's done no research on the subject, tossing it in to sensationalize, and throwing HIV+ people under the bus in the process.
Finally, the exclusion of Queer/Trans people from this book isn't simply an inexcusable oversight, but reflective of a failure to critically engage with the societal norms that need transformation in order for the thesis of this book to be realized. There are so many good points that trail off, ignoring a major aspect of the issue.
These issues make it painfully obvious that this is written by a Mormon mommy blogger who is passionate and writes well, but simply does not have the background to put together a comprehensive book about this subject. One could argue that this was not her aim. It's clear this book is aimed at beginners to reproductive justice, a guide to debating abortion with anti-choice people, and a call for societal shifts.
I'm unaware of a similarly short and straightforward book out there that is better than this one, but even without an alternative, I cannot recommend this one because of the harmful ideas it promotes (primarily the criminalization of HIV).
Some examples:
Blair is weirdly attached to vasectomies being an equally valid birth control choice as condoms. At first, I thought this was facetiousness, but she repeats this multiple times, bolstering the biological possibility of reversal while ignoring every other facet of this discussion. If someone banks sperm or thinks they can reverse it if needed, a person instantly becomes ineligible for the procedure, yet these are offered as legitimate options. Not to mention, getting a vasectomy often costs nothing, while reversals are nearly always fully paid for by the patient and cost thousands and thousands of dollars.
Lots of assumptions about condoms in here. Men are the only ones who hate condoms (they're really not). Dismissive of the internal/female condom (beloved by many people who find traditional condoms too tight) She has clearly never tried to help someone find non-traditionally sized condoms (it's time- and money-expensive, and she offers this as a simple alternative).
For some reason, she's under the impression that men demand rough sex (choking, specifically) and that women must submit to this or be rejected. As a former sex educator, this is patently false. There isn't a data-based gender breakdown or anything, but it's at least 50-50, if not the majority of women who are asking for choking during sex. She seems to only be speaking to monogamous couples, completely ignoring the real reasons that a woman would need to choose sterilization/birth control for herself vs. her multiple partners all getting vasectomies.
The worst one is that she uses the criminalization of HIV+ people (in exposing their partners to HIV) as an equivalency to sperm coming in contact with a female reproductive system. She seems to be completely unaware that the criminalization of people with STIs is in itself a human rights violation, and it's clear she's done no research on the subject, tossing it in to sensationalize, and throwing HIV+ people under the bus in the process.
Finally, the exclusion of Queer/Trans people from this book isn't simply an inexcusable oversight, but reflective of a failure to critically engage with the societal norms that need transformation in order for the thesis of this book to be realized. There are so many good points that trail off, ignoring a major aspect of the issue.
These issues make it painfully obvious that this is written by a Mormon mommy blogger who is passionate and writes well, but simply does not have the background to put together a comprehensive book about this subject. One could argue that this was not her aim. It's clear this book is aimed at beginners to reproductive justice, a guide to debating abortion with anti-choice people, and a call for societal shifts.
I'm unaware of a similarly short and straightforward book out there that is better than this one, but even without an alternative, I cannot recommend this one because of the harmful ideas it promotes (primarily the criminalization of HIV).
November 17, 2022
This! I cannot overstate how brilliant and lucid this short treatise is. Ms. Blair presents concise, logical, and well-researched arguments why men need to, as she says, ejaculate responsibly. And why men are responsible for all unwanted pregnancies. I'm fairly well-read on many of the topics she covers, but I definitely learned things I didn't know.
It's hard to imagine a thinking woman reading this book and not feeling angry. Not just about the ways that individual men treat individual women, but the ways in which our society prioritizes mens' comfort, pleasure, and convenience over womens' lives, pain, and safety. This should be required reading for all men. Alas, a quick glance at the Goodreads reviews shows few of them are reading it. Kudos to the men who have taken the time to read and consider this book thoughtfully!
It's hard to imagine a thinking woman reading this book and not feeling angry. Not just about the ways that individual men treat individual women, but the ways in which our society prioritizes mens' comfort, pleasure, and convenience over womens' lives, pain, and safety. This should be required reading for all men. Alas, a quick glance at the Goodreads reviews shows few of them are reading it. Kudos to the men who have taken the time to read and consider this book thoughtfully!
April 14, 2023
Iconic. ICONIC. Everyone should read this. Especially men. ESPECIALLY boys.
“Sperm should be considered a dangerous bodily fluid that can cause pain, a lifetime of disruption, and even death for some. Sperm can create a person. Sperm can kill a person. Sperm cause pregnancy, and pregnancy and childbirth can result in physical and mental health issues for women, as well as negative impacts to her social status, job status, and financial status.
A man who is about to ejaculate sperm and place it in a woman’s body should be acutely aware of what that sperm can do to her, and he should act accordingly, by which I mean responsibly."
!
“Sperm should be considered a dangerous bodily fluid that can cause pain, a lifetime of disruption, and even death for some. Sperm can create a person. Sperm can kill a person. Sperm cause pregnancy, and pregnancy and childbirth can result in physical and mental health issues for women, as well as negative impacts to her social status, job status, and financial status.
A man who is about to ejaculate sperm and place it in a woman’s body should be acutely aware of what that sperm can do to her, and he should act accordingly, by which I mean responsibly."
!
June 28, 2023
Essential reading for anyone interested in preventing unwanted pregnancies. Also essential to anyone wanting to prevent abortions, it’s time to shift this conversation from controlling and legislating women’s bodies and unproductive moral debates to safe, effective, affordable prevention that also holds men accountable in causing unwanted pregnancies.
November 2, 2024
Happy nonfiction November to all who celebrate 💗 review to come
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