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January 2, 2023It's the last day of 2022 and I have only one thing on my calendar: to write about this book that I wrote in 2022. Or I wrote in 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022. And which I wrote, all over again, five or six or seven versions overall. I'm not talking about editing – I'm talking about completely new versions. And some of them were 800 pages long. There was a lot to uncover.
And let me tell you, I have also read this book fucking million times. It's not perfect, there's a thousand things missing, some parts are a bit rushed, the end is an overly-long rant... but it's me, it's a part of my life and a version of my life and a version of me and those versions weren't perfect, so this book being imperfect.... makes it perfect for me. The rant had to be included, because that was my head at the time, it was my explanation of the world at the moment. I read hundreds of books for this. Films, series, photographs, YouTube videos, discussion... everything lead to this.
I did not write this book, I just compiled it.
(Oh, by the way, I know it feels weird to read me write this in English, but I write every review in English because there's so many translations of multiple books and you never know when one might be translated...)
Okay, back to the subject and the all-over-the-place-review, which I guess is kinda my thing here.
Many people have told me that they don't agree with everything I say in this book.
"I don't either", I have always replied.
Many people have told me that they are interested in what is true and what is not.
"...but it doesn't really matter, does it?", they have always continued, before I could answer.
It's based on a true story, that's all I can say. I gladly give you more information face to face if you are curious about the truthfulness of things.
I'm very interested in form following the subject; that's why It's been satisfying to hear that this was an addictive read. But actually it's the total opposite; addiction takes, passion gives. That's something I learned from Gabor Maté, who is a giant influence in this book. He, along with Carl Hart and David Nutt, gave me validation on something I had been having a hunch about.
I actually found a snippet, a quote from Gabor Maté, from my diary that I kept during years that were pretty drug-fueled: "Addiction is not the problem. Addiction is the addict’s attempt at a solution to their problem."
So, that's the whole DNA of this thing.
Already back then I kinda felt that this whole issue is over-simplified, the drugs vilified and bigger issues overlooked.
Carl Hart was also a big influence. Something I didn’t even notice that was missing, a voice I, too, wanted to give: in order to talk about drugs, we need a person who has both studied them and had experiences with them.
The main messages for this book for me was to get over shame, control, judgment – and move toward radical empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love. My grandmother told me that I should be a priest and I kind of feel that I achieved it with this book. I've been having a lot of conversations with people and been on many pedestals, speaking about these messages.
I was pretty tough on church with this one, though, but I guess the base message is still there with the church too, but kinda lost – and that's why I am so disappointed in the christian values of our society.
But there lies the other big truth for me, the best sentence of them all: "Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other"
She's an atheist, by the way.
(And me? I'm humble in the face of bigger forces, but do not bow to any god or practice any other rituals than half-assed meditations and a constant struggle on learning to be more loving, graceful, empathetic.)
Empathy; that's the one word Kurt Cobain wrote in his suicide note five times. I took the lamest tattoo ever after finishing writing this; the word "empathy", from his suicide note, written on my chest, in Kurt's handwriting. I also got a Nirvana logo with the word "Pete" instead of Nirvana.
Yes, that's me and I'm not even embarrassed.
Empathy is such a big force and something you can learn by reading a lot of different books and to truly think about them. To listen to the stories of other people.
I wrote this review because I owe so much to Goodreads, all my friends and their recommendations and my visual reading diary and my chaotic reviews. I want to be present and open and I want to discuss, because there's so many things and thoughts and ideas and stories that didn't fit this book.
Thanks for reading and thanks for discussing. It has meant the world to me.
For the last part of the year everybody around me has been talking about Pete, the book and the subject, who of course is my dad. And it's been wonderful; we've been having beers with my kid brother, watching Kaurismäki films (Pete's favourites), feeling that he'd be with us. So many Pete's old friends have been sending me messages and talking about old memories and reconnecting with each other. And I even got a message from Pete's first girlfriend, his first love, a very sweet person who told me nice things about my dad.
That's why I highly encourage to talk about these things, think about these things, write about these things. Things that occupy your mind, things that you miss and people that you miss and issues you have and concerns you have.
It's such a giant, profound feeling and way more than what it seems. And you will find answers and solutions, but they won't be satisfying, because life doesn't end before it ends and if you are living it right you will never stop learning and experiencing.
There's already enough material for "Pete 2", nothing has been linear, there was no happy ending, but no sad ending either.
A week ago I went to Pete's grave again, with my mom and my grandmother. We were a little drunk and a little cold, but in good spirits (that's a wordplay I would've wanted to use, but there's unfortunately no equivalent in the Finnish language), we dug the grave of Pete under the snow, lit a candle and didn't really feel anything, other than that it was a bummer that there were no other candles, though Pete's dad, my grandfather, "Ippa", died on his birthday this year, too, and was reunited with Pete in the same grave not too long ago.
Then we continued to other graves, lit candles for my grandmothers drunk bum brother "Reijo", who was born on Christmas Eve.
And for the last stop we went to see Leo, another character in the book, who died in April, just before the book was finished. He called me many times, drunk, seemed to be proud of the book and proud of me and seemed to be proud of himself to be included.
I think about the Mount Eerie song "Real Death" often:
Death is real
Someone's there and then they're not
And it's not for singing about
It's not for making into art
When real death enters the house, all poetry is dumb
When I walk into the room where you were
And look into the emptiness instead
All fails
My knees fail
My brain fails
Words fail
Pete is long gone and there's nothing more to it than that. He was here in December 15 years ago and then he was not. We had pear ice cream and coffee at Kalle's Konditori, he told me he was optimistic, quit drinking, went to the gym, looked healthy and happy. And then he was gone and that's the power of it; realise it might happen and every moment becomes magical.
So many people have asked me about the therapeutical effects of this book. I guess I connected with Pete, yes, but not in a very profound way. It's just been nice talking about him, making good use of his life, not letting it go in vain and in drain as so many others lives of the small, poor, forgotten ones.
There's so many similar stories, all around the world.
A big reveal: we are selling translation rights. Or the agent is selling.
I really hope Pete would see the world and the world would see Pete.
He never travelled outside of Finland in his life.
Pete is dead. Long live Pete.
Let me know if you have any questions for him.
He still lives in me, and I'm here.
And let me tell you, I have also read this book fucking million times. It's not perfect, there's a thousand things missing, some parts are a bit rushed, the end is an overly-long rant... but it's me, it's a part of my life and a version of my life and a version of me and those versions weren't perfect, so this book being imperfect.... makes it perfect for me. The rant had to be included, because that was my head at the time, it was my explanation of the world at the moment. I read hundreds of books for this. Films, series, photographs, YouTube videos, discussion... everything lead to this.
I did not write this book, I just compiled it.
(Oh, by the way, I know it feels weird to read me write this in English, but I write every review in English because there's so many translations of multiple books and you never know when one might be translated...)
Okay, back to the subject and the all-over-the-place-review, which I guess is kinda my thing here.
Many people have told me that they don't agree with everything I say in this book.
"I don't either", I have always replied.
Many people have told me that they are interested in what is true and what is not.
"...but it doesn't really matter, does it?", they have always continued, before I could answer.
It's based on a true story, that's all I can say. I gladly give you more information face to face if you are curious about the truthfulness of things.
I'm very interested in form following the subject; that's why It's been satisfying to hear that this was an addictive read. But actually it's the total opposite; addiction takes, passion gives. That's something I learned from Gabor Maté, who is a giant influence in this book. He, along with Carl Hart and David Nutt, gave me validation on something I had been having a hunch about.
I actually found a snippet, a quote from Gabor Maté, from my diary that I kept during years that were pretty drug-fueled: "Addiction is not the problem. Addiction is the addict’s attempt at a solution to their problem."
So, that's the whole DNA of this thing.
Already back then I kinda felt that this whole issue is over-simplified, the drugs vilified and bigger issues overlooked.
Carl Hart was also a big influence. Something I didn’t even notice that was missing, a voice I, too, wanted to give: in order to talk about drugs, we need a person who has both studied them and had experiences with them.
The main messages for this book for me was to get over shame, control, judgment – and move toward radical empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love. My grandmother told me that I should be a priest and I kind of feel that I achieved it with this book. I've been having a lot of conversations with people and been on many pedestals, speaking about these messages.
I was pretty tough on church with this one, though, but I guess the base message is still there with the church too, but kinda lost – and that's why I am so disappointed in the christian values of our society.
But there lies the other big truth for me, the best sentence of them all: "Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other"
She's an atheist, by the way.
(And me? I'm humble in the face of bigger forces, but do not bow to any god or practice any other rituals than half-assed meditations and a constant struggle on learning to be more loving, graceful, empathetic.)
Empathy; that's the one word Kurt Cobain wrote in his suicide note five times. I took the lamest tattoo ever after finishing writing this; the word "empathy", from his suicide note, written on my chest, in Kurt's handwriting. I also got a Nirvana logo with the word "Pete" instead of Nirvana.
Yes, that's me and I'm not even embarrassed.
Empathy is such a big force and something you can learn by reading a lot of different books and to truly think about them. To listen to the stories of other people.
I wrote this review because I owe so much to Goodreads, all my friends and their recommendations and my visual reading diary and my chaotic reviews. I want to be present and open and I want to discuss, because there's so many things and thoughts and ideas and stories that didn't fit this book.
Thanks for reading and thanks for discussing. It has meant the world to me.
For the last part of the year everybody around me has been talking about Pete, the book and the subject, who of course is my dad. And it's been wonderful; we've been having beers with my kid brother, watching Kaurismäki films (Pete's favourites), feeling that he'd be with us. So many Pete's old friends have been sending me messages and talking about old memories and reconnecting with each other. And I even got a message from Pete's first girlfriend, his first love, a very sweet person who told me nice things about my dad.
That's why I highly encourage to talk about these things, think about these things, write about these things. Things that occupy your mind, things that you miss and people that you miss and issues you have and concerns you have.
It's such a giant, profound feeling and way more than what it seems. And you will find answers and solutions, but they won't be satisfying, because life doesn't end before it ends and if you are living it right you will never stop learning and experiencing.
There's already enough material for "Pete 2", nothing has been linear, there was no happy ending, but no sad ending either.
A week ago I went to Pete's grave again, with my mom and my grandmother. We were a little drunk and a little cold, but in good spirits (that's a wordplay I would've wanted to use, but there's unfortunately no equivalent in the Finnish language), we dug the grave of Pete under the snow, lit a candle and didn't really feel anything, other than that it was a bummer that there were no other candles, though Pete's dad, my grandfather, "Ippa", died on his birthday this year, too, and was reunited with Pete in the same grave not too long ago.
Then we continued to other graves, lit candles for my grandmothers drunk bum brother "Reijo", who was born on Christmas Eve.
And for the last stop we went to see Leo, another character in the book, who died in April, just before the book was finished. He called me many times, drunk, seemed to be proud of the book and proud of me and seemed to be proud of himself to be included.
I think about the Mount Eerie song "Real Death" often:
Death is real
Someone's there and then they're not
And it's not for singing about
It's not for making into art
When real death enters the house, all poetry is dumb
When I walk into the room where you were
And look into the emptiness instead
All fails
My knees fail
My brain fails
Words fail
Pete is long gone and there's nothing more to it than that. He was here in December 15 years ago and then he was not. We had pear ice cream and coffee at Kalle's Konditori, he told me he was optimistic, quit drinking, went to the gym, looked healthy and happy. And then he was gone and that's the power of it; realise it might happen and every moment becomes magical.
So many people have asked me about the therapeutical effects of this book. I guess I connected with Pete, yes, but not in a very profound way. It's just been nice talking about him, making good use of his life, not letting it go in vain and in drain as so many others lives of the small, poor, forgotten ones.
There's so many similar stories, all around the world.
A big reveal: we are selling translation rights. Or the agent is selling.
I really hope Pete would see the world and the world would see Pete.
He never travelled outside of Finland in his life.
Pete is dead. Long live Pete.
Let me know if you have any questions for him.
He still lives in me, and I'm here.
