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Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!
This is a Holy Spirit Manuscript book: when you buy this book you will be reading a Holy Spirit directed book from God & Christ Jesus. THIS BOOK IS GODS HOLYSPIRIT VOICE: THE CALL FOR ALL CHRISTIANS & CHURCHES TO REPENT FROM ALL THEIR SINS: EVEN FROM FALSE CHRIST TEACHINGS. BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS. EVEN FOR JEWS, MUSLIMS & GENTILE SINNERS. MANY PEOPLE WILL LEARN HOW TO> BECOME REAL BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN: THROUGH THIS HOLYSPIRIT BOOK & THROUGH THE PROTECTION & SUPPORT OF MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE!! JOHN 3 & 15. ALL NATIONS WILL OVER COME THE SINS OF BIRTH CONTROL. *BECAUSE HOLY DOMINIONSHIP IS ONE OF THE FIRST COMMANDMENT IN GENESIS 1;26-31. ALL BELIEVERS: WILL COME TO A HOLY VOW OF REPENTANCE: THROUGH GODS RESTORATION & THROUGH GODS ADOPTION VOWS. YES!! THE KINGDOM OF GOD & HEAVEN!! IS AT HAND!! FOR ALL WHO BELIEVE IN THE ONE CREATOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS OUR HOLYSPIRIT ETERNAL LIFE SAVIOR:
SURELY YOUR NAMES WILL BE WRITTEN IN THE LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE!! *WHEN YOU SUPPORT & PROTECT MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE. WE ARE BRANCHES >JOHN 15
REMEMBER: GOD HAS MADE ME A HOLYSPIRIT VOICE FOR THE BRIDE OF GOD & CHRIST JESUS IN 1996 GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA. *CONCERNING THE SINS OF THE CHURCHES: &CONCERNING THE>LACK OF GIVING TO THE POOR & ORPHANS: CHRISTIAN CHURCHES SHOULD: BUILD MORE:> WATER WELLS: & BUILD LOW INCOME HOUSINGS: MATTHEW 25 & ISAIAH 61
SURELY YOUR NAMES WILL BE WRITTEN IN THE LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE!! *WHEN YOU SUPPORT & PROTECT MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE. WE ARE BRANCHES >JOHN 15
REMEMBER: GOD HAS MADE ME A HOLYSPIRIT VOICE FOR THE BRIDE OF GOD & CHRIST JESUS IN 1996 GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA. *CONCERNING THE SINS OF THE CHURCHES: &CONCERNING THE>LACK OF GIVING TO THE POOR & ORPHANS: CHRISTIAN CHURCHES SHOULD: BUILD MORE:> WATER WELLS: & BUILD LOW INCOME HOUSINGS: MATTHEW 25 & ISAIAH 61
- GenresNonfictionReligion
648 pages, Paperback
First published December 26, 2007
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April 26, 2012
I've never done this before but I'm going to give this five stars despite never having read nor purchased this for a few obvious reasons.
1.) The cover is freaking awesome. Why pay good money to some liberal elite photographer or graphic artist to design a cover when you have an Olan Mills studio right in your hometown?
2.) The title needs a spoiler warning.
3.) The author hearts exclamation marks but hates apostrophe's!!
4.) May or may not be written ENTIRELY IN CAPS.
5.) I'm not sure but since the title specifies "Christian Marriages", I am assuming this was written for the overlooked Christian polyamory market.
6.) The clown car joke will get old never.
7.) As we know from the recent media brouhaha, girls who want to use birth control are also dirty, dirty sloots.
8.) This book will set you back motherfucking $150.00.
(Please tell me this thing isn't for real. I mean, even if it is, please tell me it's a joke.)
1.) The cover is freaking awesome. Why pay good money to some liberal elite photographer or graphic artist to design a cover when you have an Olan Mills studio right in your hometown?
2.) The title needs a spoiler warning.
3.) The author hearts exclamation marks but hates apostrophe's!!
4.) May or may not be written ENTIRELY IN CAPS.
5.) I'm not sure but since the title specifies "Christian Marriages", I am assuming this was written for the overlooked Christian polyamory market.
6.) The clown car joke will get old never.
7.) As we know from the recent media brouhaha, girls who want to use birth control are also dirty, dirty sloots.
8.) This book will set you back motherfucking $150.00.
(Please tell me this thing isn't for real. I mean, even if it is, please tell me it's a joke.)
March 26, 2023
WHOREDOM PROSPERITY JOBS
Jesus wept. I mean that both in the common usage sense, of an expletive and that this book, more or less dedicated to him, would have made him weep that this is how his message is interpreted.
That said, the author is very amusing once you get past the 1000+ pages of CAPS, the peculiar use of > * and < as punctuation and the endless repetition.
The author hates, more than anything, skinny women, and praises the full-figure motherly shape continually. She thinks homosexuality is a sin, but is not homophobic. She thinks it is caused by women feeding their men soup and crackers. Actually she has quite a thing for soup and crackers. Gets you thin though and might get you a Whoredom Prosperity Job.
Ms Eliyzabeth, as she refers to herself, thinks that women's wombs have been created to have a baby every 12 months, and that 7-10 babies per 15 years of marriage is a good number to aim for. (At this point I should say that my late mother-in-law had 10 in less than that. But good Christian as she was, she was also a feminist. She just liked babies a lot and West Indians had big families back then.)
My final thought (because amusing as this is, I can't take it any more) is that even if I was a Christian I would have to be a sinner when she puts the choice like this:
*TODAYS WOMANS HAVE KILLED>OR STOP >THE CHILD BEARING YEARS: WITH BIRTH CONTROL . ON PURPOSE!! ****EVEN WAITING UNTIL OLDER YEARS OF 40S AND FIFTY: BEFORE THEY HAVE THEIR FIRST CHILD: REAPING THE LABEL OF SINFUL WOMEN: JUST TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF SEXUAL DESIRES AND MONEY AND WEALTH. ***EVEN ENJOY SEXUAL POPULARITY IN THE WHOREDOM WORLD FOR TELEVISION FAME AND WEALTH. **
This is a 5 star book for amusement value. I would have so liked to hear her preach on (the whoredom world) of TV. So I could turn it off.
Edit It seems people think that I am really something for actually having read this book so I thought I would put the record straight. I didn't read it. What I did was look up phrases. I looked up things like lust, pornography, suffer, eggs, pain, gay, teenage and masturbation. The last didn't produce any results. It's probably there but misspelt. So no, I didn't read it, just looked up the buzz words :-)
Jesus wept. I mean that both in the common usage sense, of an expletive and that this book, more or less dedicated to him, would have made him weep that this is how his message is interpreted.
That said, the author is very amusing once you get past the 1000+ pages of CAPS, the peculiar use of > * and < as punctuation and the endless repetition.
The author hates, more than anything, skinny women, and praises the full-figure motherly shape continually. She thinks homosexuality is a sin, but is not homophobic. She thinks it is caused by women feeding their men soup and crackers. Actually she has quite a thing for soup and crackers. Gets you thin though and might get you a Whoredom Prosperity Job.
Ms Eliyzabeth, as she refers to herself, thinks that women's wombs have been created to have a baby every 12 months, and that 7-10 babies per 15 years of marriage is a good number to aim for. (At this point I should say that my late mother-in-law had 10 in less than that. But good Christian as she was, she was also a feminist. She just liked babies a lot and West Indians had big families back then.)
My final thought (because amusing as this is, I can't take it any more) is that even if I was a Christian I would have to be a sinner when she puts the choice like this:
*TODAYS WOMANS HAVE KILLED>OR STOP >THE CHILD BEARING YEARS: WITH BIRTH CONTROL . ON PURPOSE!! ****EVEN WAITING UNTIL OLDER YEARS OF 40S AND FIFTY: BEFORE THEY HAVE THEIR FIRST CHILD: REAPING THE LABEL OF SINFUL WOMEN: JUST TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF SEXUAL DESIRES AND MONEY AND WEALTH. ***EVEN ENJOY SEXUAL POPULARITY IN THE WHOREDOM WORLD FOR TELEVISION FAME AND WEALTH. **
This is a 5 star book for amusement value. I would have so liked to hear her preach on (the whoredom world) of TV. So I could turn it off.
Edit It seems people think that I am really something for actually having read this book so I thought I would put the record straight. I didn't read it. What I did was look up phrases. I looked up things like lust, pornography, suffer, eggs, pain, gay, teenage and masturbation. The last didn't produce any results. It's probably there but misspelt. So no, I didn't read it, just looked up the buzz words :-)
Read
May 22, 2012There are several pictures that need to be here... because they are worth 1,000 words, and this book leaves me somewhat speechless.
so...
Yes, I have used that before, but it seems appropriate here.
and
I mean really.
so...
Yes, I have used that before, but it seems appropriate here.
and
I mean really.
Read
January 27, 2011ALL THE WORDS IN THIS BOOK READ LIKE THIS. IT FEELS LIKE SHE IS YELLING AT ME.
July 21, 2012
Ms. Strong-Anderson, please turn your Caps Lock key OFF!
Some time ago, a witty colleague asked me if I had seen author Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's epic 648-page "masterpiece" Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!, and I had to reply that I had not. I was told by my friend where to look, so I did, and I read some of the reviews. But at the price asked by the author, all I could do was shake my head, as it seemed to be quite a price for such a monograph.
A few months ago I was perusing some of the Amazon tags and noticed within the 'amazon oddities' category, this book was one of the top ranking there. And while searching further I discovered that this tome was listed as a Kindle edition at a far more reasonable price. One can in fact purchase this Kindle version, BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!, for less than a pound of decent coffee (at the time of this writing), and one will need plenty of that to try and work your way through the listed 1218 pages.
Curiosity got the better of me, and on a whim I bought it when is was on Amazon.com in mid-January at $3.03, just over three bucks, so I bit the bullet and purchased it. At that price, why not?
But how does one explain such a book, much less review it?
Perhaps the best way is to reproduce the highlights and notes that I was taking with the Kindle while I was reading it, starting in January 2012. I've deleted some of them, as they reflected some confusion that I was going through as I read this manuscript, but I have not corrected the spelling, grammar, the syntax or the excessive use of upper case words and letters. To make this somewhat legible within the framework of Amazon reviews, from my saved Kindle highlights, my comments will be listed here with a • Note italicized annotation.
Reader Observations:
BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE: AND ALSO:>ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN: *
• Note: So begins Elizabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's epic Amazon classic...
GENESIS 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
• Note: So it goes...
GENESIS 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
• Note: Where is she going with the "Be fruitful, and multiply" part of this... beginning to wonder.
*SO BIRTH CONTROL ALSO LEADS> TO SPIRITUAL DARKNESS AND SPIRITUAL LUST AND SPIRITUAL SINS: WHICH LEADS TO SINFUL TEMPATIONS OF ADULTERY, MALICE, JEALOUCIES, AND BACKSLIDING, BACKBITING AND EVEN FROM THE CHURCHES TRUE HOLINES DOMINIONSHIP LEADERSHIP: RESULTING>IN MANY CHRISTIAN WOMEN AND MAN>TODAY: LIVING> LIKE WORLDLY SINNER MARRIAGES:> TODAY: *BECAUSE > WHEN IT COMES TO BIRTH CONTROL: CONTROLING> HOW MANY CHILDREN WE HAVE YEARLY. WITHOUT THE TRUE AMOUNT OF CHILDREN GOD INTENDED YOU TO HAVE IN YOUR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
• Note: Lust again?
*GOD SAITH TO ME: ONE DAY: WHILE:> I WAS WATCHING THE PEOPLE OF AFRICA ON TELEVISION: RECEIVING THE GIFTS OF CONDOMS: FROM CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES : *GOD SAIDTH: *AFTER I ASK GOD: SHOULD WE GIVE AIDS VICTIMS CONDOMS FOR SAFE MARITAL SEX?? **AND GOD SAIDTH: AS CLEAR AS CRYSTAL NO!! >>BUT THE *THE CHRISTIANS: ON TELEVISION WHERE GIVING CONDOMS: FOR SAFE SEX AGAINST THE SPREAD OF AIDS AND HIV VIRUS!! **BECAUSE:> THEY WERE: > TRYING TO STOP THE SPREAD OF THE DISEASES OF AIDS AND HIV VIRUS!! **TRULY I FELT KIND OF ALARM: GOD WOULD SAY NO!! **DON'T GIVE CONDOMS OUT!!
• Note: So... we are not to use condoms and allow for the spread of STDs? This is ridiculous!
OF ALARM: GOD WOULD SAY NO!! **DON'T GIVE CONDOMS OUT!! **
• Note: So we go into denial about AIDS?
YOUTH LUST.
• Note: So earlier we had "Be fruitful, and multiply" and now we have "youth lust" being introduced?
WHEN ARE THEY GONNA SHOW THE WORLD: CHRISTIAN DO NOW HOW TO SERVE GOD THROUGH THE LARGE FAMILY INCREASE LIFESTYLE OF HOLY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES?? ***INSTEAD OF MAKING OUR CHRISTIAN CHURCHES AND CHRISTIAN TELEVISION LEADERSHIP: LOOK LIKE A FALSE CHRIST, BABY KILLING LEADERSHIP. **
• Note: Author needs to take a junior-high level course in basic writing skills.
THIS SIN OF SEXUAL CHRISTIAN MARRIGES: BUT LIVING ON BIRTH CONTROL METHODS KILLING THEIR BABIES YEARLY: * HAS RESULTED IN THE SIN OF FORNACATION AND FALSE CHRISTIAN TEACHING!!
• Note: Hmm... cannot seem to find "fornacation" in my dictionary.
REMEMBER: > *AND NOT ONLY DO THEY HAVE SMALLER BREAST COMPLETING ONLY WITH TEENAGER BODIES: BUT THEY HAVE WEAKER SEXUAL DESIRES. **AND LOW SELF ESTEEN: ENDING UP IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE TO BE A SURGERY QUEEN!! **
• Note: Whoa... what's with this "smaller breast 'completing' only with teenager bodies" business? And "weaker sexual desires" with "low self esteen"? Wondering what a 'surgery queen' might be.
BECAUSE OF THE LUST AND WEAKNESS OF WOMEN!! **BECAUSE THE WOMEN WHO HAS BECOME:>MORE> OBCESS WITH OUR HER OWN BODY
• Note: It's bad enough with the upper case ranting and screaming, but what does OBCESS WITH OUR HER OWN BODY mean?
A NORMAL SEXUAL CHANGE IN THE BODY!!
• Note: Uh-oh! Here we go again...
YOUTHFUL LUST
• Note: There's a whole lot of lust in this book... (There were numerous references to this.)
*THE TRUTH OF INSULINS COMING FROM DOGS OR PIG FLUIDS: IS THE CONSPIRACY TO DEFILE THE HOLY PERSON OR A AFRICAN PERSON. **CAUSING THEM TO TAKE ON A : ABOMINATION OF A UNCLEAN ANIMAL. **THIS IS TRULY THE WITCH DOCTORS WORK. **NOT A GOOD DOCTORS WORK. **INSULIN ALSO CAUSING CRIPPLING DISEASES. **AND TRULY I KNOW IT IS BECAUSE THE INJECTION OF PIG OR DOG INSULIN IS >EVIL AND FROM THE DEVIL. *IT IS NOT OF GOD. **AND THE PEOPLE WHO STARTED DOG AND PIG INSULINS SHOULD GET BLAME FOR MANY BAD CRIPPLING DISEASES THAT DIABETICS GET.
• Note: Dog or pig fluids? I'm getting a headache reading all of this caps lock gibberish.
**SO YOU ARE NOT FULLFILLED IN YOUR SEXUAL PLEASURE DIVORING AND SEEKING FORNATIONS RELATIONSHIPS.
• Note: I am wondering what "fornations" relationships could be.
DAUTHERS OF GOD.
• Note: What are "DAUTHERS OF GOD" as I read here? What is a dauther?
POEM TITLE: *PEOPLE WHO **LIVE **IN **DENIAL?? MUST STOP LIVING IN DENIAL. **BECAUSE THEY HURT OTHER PEOPLE TOO. WRITTEN BY: ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON* FEBRUARY 25, 2004 ******************************** *PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN DENIAL?? LIVE A LIFE OF CRIME AND TRIALS????? SOME GET SAVED WITH JESUS. SOME START EVIL AND LEAVE US !! *THESE PEOPLE LIVE LIKE *GODS*TIME DOES NOT EXIST??? ALWAYS *TAKING *THE *HIDDEN RISK??? *YOU..PEOPLE **WHO **LIVE **IN DENIAL?? *IF YOU DON'T GROW UP: AND STOP THE FALSE WAYS. YOU'LL IN UP:> HURTING OTHER PEOPLE BLESSED DAYS.
• Note: This poem gives me a headache just reading it!
POEM AND RAP SONG: 4>>>>
• Note: No, no more poems and rap songs, please!
OKAY OKAY!! > HONEY
• Note: Honey? (looking around...) Sorry, I'm not your Honey!
I NEED HELP GUIDE YOU. OKAY OKAY!! > HONEY CONSIDER
• Note: OK, "Honey," Caps Lock off for awhile!
FLESHLY PARTS!! HEY!!
• Note: Please, Ms. Strong-Anderson, behave! (Again, numerous references.)
OUTER PARTS!!
• Note: Uh-oh! (And again, numerous references.)
YOUR OUTER PARTS!!
• Note: Leave my outer parts out of this!
YA SEE GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART!! AND NOT YOUR FLESHLY PARTS. >>SAY IT!!
• Note: Say it? I will not, thank you!
YA SEE: GOD CHANGES THE HEART. AND CLEANS THE OUTER PARTS!! >>LEARN IT!!
• Note: I never learned this in Sunday School...
GOD CHANGES THE HEART!! AND CLEANS THE FLESHLY PARTS!! SAY IT!!
• Note: I'll clean my own fleshy parts, thank you!
FLESHLY PARTS!!
• Note: Lot of talk of "outer parts" and "fleshly parts" all through this... and all in CAPS, too.
IF YOU CAN REMEMBER: THE PHAROADS: WHO DISOBEY!! OUR GOD!! AND THE EGYPTIANS??>> WHO WAS SINFUL>> MAGICIANS: THEY WHERE NOT>> OF GOD. SO GOD HARDEN>>THEIR>HEARTS!! BECAUSE THEY HAD SINFUL PARTS.
• Note: What are "Pharoads," are they Egyptian highways? And what are these "sinful parts" of which she writes?
PHAROADS
• Note: There are those "Pharoads" again... all Pharoads don't lead to Rome, that much is clear.
Table of Contents
• Note: Author calls this mess a Table of Contents? And what a mess it is! Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you can do better than this... and turn your Caps Lock key OFF! Can you hear me?
Interjection:
At this point I have to note that about a third of the way through this headache-inducing manifesto, with all of its misspellings, overuse of the Caps Lock key and appalling grammar, with all of the "YOUTH LUST", "FORNACATION", "FLESHLY PARTS", "OUTER PARTS", and such, I had been wondering where Ms. Strong-Anderson. That was to be answered at Kindle location 18421, where the author states:
FOR ALL WHO GIVE A $5000.00 DONATION TO OUR MINISTRY. *GOD IS GIVING LIVING WATER : PRAY OVER BY ME. **EVEN SO WRITE ME FOR THE BOTTLE SIZE YOUWANT SENT TO YOU. OR MAKE A APPOINTMENT TO PICK IT UP. ***WRITE ME AND ASK: ABOUT THE GIFT OF LIVING WATER: OFFER FROM GOD AND JESUS CHRIST: THROUGH THE HOLYSPIRIT ANOINTING IN MY LIFE!! YOU CAN SEND DONATIONS TO: MAIL ADDRESS ONLY: MS. ELIYZABETH A. STRONG-ANDERSON C/O EL-YASHICA P O BOX 43964 TUCSON ARIZONA 85733
• Note: Ah-hah! Now we get to the bottom of this: she wants a donation of $5000 to be sent to a dubious email address? All of this for a bottle of water?
Note to Potential Kindle Readers:
This Kindle title is noted as being "Text-to-Speech Enabled" in the product description. I've used this feature upon occasion with my Kindle 2 when my eyes were tired, or a few times out of pure curiosity. The feature usually works well once the user learns how and when to use the controls, but I might suggest that it not be tried on your Kindle. A number of pages in, my Kindle started acting up, and I thought that it was speaking in tongues... and then it locked up. I did a Kindle reset, and all was fine, so I tried the text-to-speech option successfully on a number of other titles. But when I tried it again on Ms. Strong-Anderson's e-book again, the Kindle became locked up once again, and had to be reset. I didn't try it again, but use caution if you try it. Your experience may vary.
Summary:
It's hard to explain my reactions to this often rambling dissertation, as I often had to put it down. Curiosity made me take a large section of this author's tract and do a grammar check on it, and it ended up with a Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level of 5.1. This was actually surprising considering the massive amount of grammar and typographic errors.
It was published by AuthorHouse in 2008, and this company is known as a "self-publishing" business, one of those where you pay your money to have your book published. I can only guess that Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson didn't buy their proofing package or that the editors there have even lower grammar skills than does Ms. Strong-Anderson. And I want to tread lightly here as the author profile on her paper copy of this book states that she has "A 1ST DEGREE BLACK BELT IN TAEJUKENPO KARATE." I never heard of Taejukenpo Karate before and cannot find any 'Net references to it other than those referring to anyone other than this author.
The overuse of uppercase and the frequent typographic errors gave me a headache while reading it, yet at times I found Ms. Strong-Anderson's treatise to be absolutely hilarious. And I often wonder about authors who seem to have a frequent focus on body parts to the point that it seems obsessive.
Some parts of this are yawningly boring beyond description. I had thought Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol had been difficult to get through at over 600 pages in paperback, even with a lot of coffee, but this one is far worse. Dan Brown's book had at least some form of a plot; this does not, unless I've been blinded by upper case letters.
You could also opt for the 600 page [[ASIN:0833030477 A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates]] from Rand Corporation, a reprint of their classic 1955 book consisting primarily of a random number table generated by an electronic simulation of a roulette wheel attached to a computer. For some readers, this may be more exciting and make more sense.
So in conclusion, how would I subjectively rate Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's work here?
If it was a Kindle freebie, it charitably would be a 3-star offering, if only in recognition of the amount of work that the author put into this farce, for that's all that it could be. At $3.00 or thereabout, it's a 2-star travesty.
I don't recommend it unless you've exhausted everything possible that there is to read. Even comic books, including those which are written completely in upper case, are more entertaining. I've never before read anything like this in my life, but my curiosity was fed... and I almost choked on it.
Did you ever feel like there were wasted hours taken from your life that you could never again regain? But if she ever releases an e-book on Taejukenpo Karate, then I'll have to buy it, as that would have to be a real gem.
Updated 7/21/2012
Since my original review was posted here on 4/26/2012, the author has evidently chosen to remove her bargain-priced e-book from the Amazon site. Those who wish to purchase this tome will have to buy the 648 page paperback version (published by AuthorHouse in 2008) here on Amazon.com, where the current price is $132.69 as of this date.
My original Amazon review still exists, but only if accessed directly here, since Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's Kindle edition no longer exists.
If you're an English teacher who owns a Kindle and wants to borrow my (now rare) Kindle edition for educational purposes and for a period of two weeks, please leave me a note or comment here. This book is a perfect example of what not to do with spelling, grammar, and expository ideas, as it contains just about every egregious error that can be made with the English language.
Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and Also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!
Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-AndersonMS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON
Some time ago, a witty colleague asked me if I had seen author Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's epic 648-page "masterpiece" Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!, and I had to reply that I had not. I was told by my friend where to look, so I did, and I read some of the reviews. But at the price asked by the author, all I could do was shake my head, as it seemed to be quite a price for such a monograph.
A few months ago I was perusing some of the Amazon tags and noticed within the 'amazon oddities' category, this book was one of the top ranking there. And while searching further I discovered that this tome was listed as a Kindle edition at a far more reasonable price. One can in fact purchase this Kindle version, BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!, for less than a pound of decent coffee (at the time of this writing), and one will need plenty of that to try and work your way through the listed 1218 pages.
Curiosity got the better of me, and on a whim I bought it when is was on Amazon.com in mid-January at $3.03, just over three bucks, so I bit the bullet and purchased it. At that price, why not?
But how does one explain such a book, much less review it?
Perhaps the best way is to reproduce the highlights and notes that I was taking with the Kindle while I was reading it, starting in January 2012. I've deleted some of them, as they reflected some confusion that I was going through as I read this manuscript, but I have not corrected the spelling, grammar, the syntax or the excessive use of upper case words and letters. To make this somewhat legible within the framework of Amazon reviews, from my saved Kindle highlights, my comments will be listed here with a • Note italicized annotation.
Reader Observations:
BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE: AND ALSO:>ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN: *
• Note: So begins Elizabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's epic Amazon classic...
GENESIS 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
• Note: So it goes...
GENESIS 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
• Note: Where is she going with the "Be fruitful, and multiply" part of this... beginning to wonder.
*SO BIRTH CONTROL ALSO LEADS> TO SPIRITUAL DARKNESS AND SPIRITUAL LUST AND SPIRITUAL SINS: WHICH LEADS TO SINFUL TEMPATIONS OF ADULTERY, MALICE, JEALOUCIES, AND BACKSLIDING, BACKBITING AND EVEN FROM THE CHURCHES TRUE HOLINES DOMINIONSHIP LEADERSHIP: RESULTING>IN MANY CHRISTIAN WOMEN AND MAN>TODAY: LIVING> LIKE WORLDLY SINNER MARRIAGES:> TODAY: *BECAUSE > WHEN IT COMES TO BIRTH CONTROL: CONTROLING> HOW MANY CHILDREN WE HAVE YEARLY. WITHOUT THE TRUE AMOUNT OF CHILDREN GOD INTENDED YOU TO HAVE IN YOUR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
• Note: Lust again?
*GOD SAITH TO ME: ONE DAY: WHILE:> I WAS WATCHING THE PEOPLE OF AFRICA ON TELEVISION: RECEIVING THE GIFTS OF CONDOMS: FROM CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES : *GOD SAIDTH: *AFTER I ASK GOD: SHOULD WE GIVE AIDS VICTIMS CONDOMS FOR SAFE MARITAL SEX?? **AND GOD SAIDTH: AS CLEAR AS CRYSTAL NO!! >>BUT THE *THE CHRISTIANS: ON TELEVISION WHERE GIVING CONDOMS: FOR SAFE SEX AGAINST THE SPREAD OF AIDS AND HIV VIRUS!! **BECAUSE:> THEY WERE: > TRYING TO STOP THE SPREAD OF THE DISEASES OF AIDS AND HIV VIRUS!! **TRULY I FELT KIND OF ALARM: GOD WOULD SAY NO!! **DON'T GIVE CONDOMS OUT!!
• Note: So... we are not to use condoms and allow for the spread of STDs? This is ridiculous!
OF ALARM: GOD WOULD SAY NO!! **DON'T GIVE CONDOMS OUT!! **
• Note: So we go into denial about AIDS?
YOUTH LUST.
• Note: So earlier we had "Be fruitful, and multiply" and now we have "youth lust" being introduced?
WHEN ARE THEY GONNA SHOW THE WORLD: CHRISTIAN DO NOW HOW TO SERVE GOD THROUGH THE LARGE FAMILY INCREASE LIFESTYLE OF HOLY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES?? ***INSTEAD OF MAKING OUR CHRISTIAN CHURCHES AND CHRISTIAN TELEVISION LEADERSHIP: LOOK LIKE A FALSE CHRIST, BABY KILLING LEADERSHIP. **
• Note: Author needs to take a junior-high level course in basic writing skills.
THIS SIN OF SEXUAL CHRISTIAN MARRIGES: BUT LIVING ON BIRTH CONTROL METHODS KILLING THEIR BABIES YEARLY: * HAS RESULTED IN THE SIN OF FORNACATION AND FALSE CHRISTIAN TEACHING!!
• Note: Hmm... cannot seem to find "fornacation" in my dictionary.
REMEMBER: > *AND NOT ONLY DO THEY HAVE SMALLER BREAST COMPLETING ONLY WITH TEENAGER BODIES: BUT THEY HAVE WEAKER SEXUAL DESIRES. **AND LOW SELF ESTEEN: ENDING UP IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE TO BE A SURGERY QUEEN!! **
• Note: Whoa... what's with this "smaller breast 'completing' only with teenager bodies" business? And "weaker sexual desires" with "low self esteen"? Wondering what a 'surgery queen' might be.
BECAUSE OF THE LUST AND WEAKNESS OF WOMEN!! **BECAUSE THE WOMEN WHO HAS BECOME:>MORE> OBCESS WITH OUR HER OWN BODY
• Note: It's bad enough with the upper case ranting and screaming, but what does OBCESS WITH OUR HER OWN BODY mean?
A NORMAL SEXUAL CHANGE IN THE BODY!!
• Note: Uh-oh! Here we go again...
YOUTHFUL LUST
• Note: There's a whole lot of lust in this book... (There were numerous references to this.)
*THE TRUTH OF INSULINS COMING FROM DOGS OR PIG FLUIDS: IS THE CONSPIRACY TO DEFILE THE HOLY PERSON OR A AFRICAN PERSON. **CAUSING THEM TO TAKE ON A : ABOMINATION OF A UNCLEAN ANIMAL. **THIS IS TRULY THE WITCH DOCTORS WORK. **NOT A GOOD DOCTORS WORK. **INSULIN ALSO CAUSING CRIPPLING DISEASES. **AND TRULY I KNOW IT IS BECAUSE THE INJECTION OF PIG OR DOG INSULIN IS >EVIL AND FROM THE DEVIL. *IT IS NOT OF GOD. **AND THE PEOPLE WHO STARTED DOG AND PIG INSULINS SHOULD GET BLAME FOR MANY BAD CRIPPLING DISEASES THAT DIABETICS GET.
• Note: Dog or pig fluids? I'm getting a headache reading all of this caps lock gibberish.
**SO YOU ARE NOT FULLFILLED IN YOUR SEXUAL PLEASURE DIVORING AND SEEKING FORNATIONS RELATIONSHIPS.
• Note: I am wondering what "fornations" relationships could be.
DAUTHERS OF GOD.
• Note: What are "DAUTHERS OF GOD" as I read here? What is a dauther?
POEM TITLE: *PEOPLE WHO **LIVE **IN **DENIAL?? MUST STOP LIVING IN DENIAL. **BECAUSE THEY HURT OTHER PEOPLE TOO. WRITTEN BY: ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON* FEBRUARY 25, 2004 ******************************** *PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN DENIAL?? LIVE A LIFE OF CRIME AND TRIALS????? SOME GET SAVED WITH JESUS. SOME START EVIL AND LEAVE US !! *THESE PEOPLE LIVE LIKE *GODS*TIME DOES NOT EXIST??? ALWAYS *TAKING *THE *HIDDEN RISK??? *YOU..PEOPLE **WHO **LIVE **IN DENIAL?? *IF YOU DON'T GROW UP: AND STOP THE FALSE WAYS. YOU'LL IN UP:> HURTING OTHER PEOPLE BLESSED DAYS.
• Note: This poem gives me a headache just reading it!
POEM AND RAP SONG: 4>>>>
• Note: No, no more poems and rap songs, please!
OKAY OKAY!! > HONEY
• Note: Honey? (looking around...) Sorry, I'm not your Honey!
I NEED HELP GUIDE YOU. OKAY OKAY!! > HONEY CONSIDER
• Note: OK, "Honey," Caps Lock off for awhile!
FLESHLY PARTS!! HEY!!
• Note: Please, Ms. Strong-Anderson, behave! (Again, numerous references.)
OUTER PARTS!!
• Note: Uh-oh! (And again, numerous references.)
YOUR OUTER PARTS!!
• Note: Leave my outer parts out of this!
YA SEE GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART!! AND NOT YOUR FLESHLY PARTS. >>SAY IT!!
• Note: Say it? I will not, thank you!
YA SEE: GOD CHANGES THE HEART. AND CLEANS THE OUTER PARTS!! >>LEARN IT!!
• Note: I never learned this in Sunday School...
GOD CHANGES THE HEART!! AND CLEANS THE FLESHLY PARTS!! SAY IT!!
• Note: I'll clean my own fleshy parts, thank you!
FLESHLY PARTS!!
• Note: Lot of talk of "outer parts" and "fleshly parts" all through this... and all in CAPS, too.
IF YOU CAN REMEMBER: THE PHAROADS: WHO DISOBEY!! OUR GOD!! AND THE EGYPTIANS??>> WHO WAS SINFUL>> MAGICIANS: THEY WHERE NOT>> OF GOD. SO GOD HARDEN>>THEIR>HEARTS!! BECAUSE THEY HAD SINFUL PARTS.
• Note: What are "Pharoads," are they Egyptian highways? And what are these "sinful parts" of which she writes?
PHAROADS
• Note: There are those "Pharoads" again... all Pharoads don't lead to Rome, that much is clear.
Table of Contents
• Note: Author calls this mess a Table of Contents? And what a mess it is! Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you can do better than this... and turn your Caps Lock key OFF! Can you hear me?
Interjection:
At this point I have to note that about a third of the way through this headache-inducing manifesto, with all of its misspellings, overuse of the Caps Lock key and appalling grammar, with all of the "YOUTH LUST", "FORNACATION", "FLESHLY PARTS", "OUTER PARTS", and such, I had been wondering where Ms. Strong-Anderson. That was to be answered at Kindle location 18421, where the author states:
FOR ALL WHO GIVE A $5000.00 DONATION TO OUR MINISTRY. *GOD IS GIVING LIVING WATER : PRAY OVER BY ME. **EVEN SO WRITE ME FOR THE BOTTLE SIZE YOUWANT SENT TO YOU. OR MAKE A APPOINTMENT TO PICK IT UP. ***WRITE ME AND ASK: ABOUT THE GIFT OF LIVING WATER: OFFER FROM GOD AND JESUS CHRIST: THROUGH THE HOLYSPIRIT ANOINTING IN MY LIFE!! YOU CAN SEND DONATIONS TO: MAIL ADDRESS ONLY: MS. ELIYZABETH A. STRONG-ANDERSON C/O EL-YASHICA P O BOX 43964 TUCSON ARIZONA 85733
• Note: Ah-hah! Now we get to the bottom of this: she wants a donation of $5000 to be sent to a dubious email address? All of this for a bottle of water?
Note to Potential Kindle Readers:
This Kindle title is noted as being "Text-to-Speech Enabled" in the product description. I've used this feature upon occasion with my Kindle 2 when my eyes were tired, or a few times out of pure curiosity. The feature usually works well once the user learns how and when to use the controls, but I might suggest that it not be tried on your Kindle. A number of pages in, my Kindle started acting up, and I thought that it was speaking in tongues... and then it locked up. I did a Kindle reset, and all was fine, so I tried the text-to-speech option successfully on a number of other titles. But when I tried it again on Ms. Strong-Anderson's e-book again, the Kindle became locked up once again, and had to be reset. I didn't try it again, but use caution if you try it. Your experience may vary.
Summary:
It's hard to explain my reactions to this often rambling dissertation, as I often had to put it down. Curiosity made me take a large section of this author's tract and do a grammar check on it, and it ended up with a Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level of 5.1. This was actually surprising considering the massive amount of grammar and typographic errors.
It was published by AuthorHouse in 2008, and this company is known as a "self-publishing" business, one of those where you pay your money to have your book published. I can only guess that Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson didn't buy their proofing package or that the editors there have even lower grammar skills than does Ms. Strong-Anderson. And I want to tread lightly here as the author profile on her paper copy of this book states that she has "A 1ST DEGREE BLACK BELT IN TAEJUKENPO KARATE." I never heard of Taejukenpo Karate before and cannot find any 'Net references to it other than those referring to anyone other than this author.
The overuse of uppercase and the frequent typographic errors gave me a headache while reading it, yet at times I found Ms. Strong-Anderson's treatise to be absolutely hilarious. And I often wonder about authors who seem to have a frequent focus on body parts to the point that it seems obsessive.
Some parts of this are yawningly boring beyond description. I had thought Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol had been difficult to get through at over 600 pages in paperback, even with a lot of coffee, but this one is far worse. Dan Brown's book had at least some form of a plot; this does not, unless I've been blinded by upper case letters.
You could also opt for the 600 page [[ASIN:0833030477 A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates]] from Rand Corporation, a reprint of their classic 1955 book consisting primarily of a random number table generated by an electronic simulation of a roulette wheel attached to a computer. For some readers, this may be more exciting and make more sense.
So in conclusion, how would I subjectively rate Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's work here?
If it was a Kindle freebie, it charitably would be a 3-star offering, if only in recognition of the amount of work that the author put into this farce, for that's all that it could be. At $3.00 or thereabout, it's a 2-star travesty.
I don't recommend it unless you've exhausted everything possible that there is to read. Even comic books, including those which are written completely in upper case, are more entertaining. I've never before read anything like this in my life, but my curiosity was fed... and I almost choked on it.
Did you ever feel like there were wasted hours taken from your life that you could never again regain? But if she ever releases an e-book on Taejukenpo Karate, then I'll have to buy it, as that would have to be a real gem.
Updated 7/21/2012
Since my original review was posted here on 4/26/2012, the author has evidently chosen to remove her bargain-priced e-book from the Amazon site. Those who wish to purchase this tome will have to buy the 648 page paperback version (published by AuthorHouse in 2008) here on Amazon.com, where the current price is $132.69 as of this date.
My original Amazon review still exists, but only if accessed directly here, since Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's Kindle edition no longer exists.
If you're an English teacher who owns a Kindle and wants to borrow my (now rare) Kindle edition for educational purposes and for a period of two weeks, please leave me a note or comment here. This book is a perfect example of what not to do with spelling, grammar, and expository ideas, as it contains just about every egregious error that can be made with the English language.
Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and Also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!
Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-AndersonMS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON
Read
December 28, 2015The Holy Spirit must need two things:
1) an editor.
2) a keyboard with a shift key that doesn't stick.*
Footnotes:
*Thing 2) can be dismissed if the audiobook requires the narrator to shout all capitalized text. Gilbert Gottfried seems to me the best choice for this task.
1) an editor.
2) a keyboard with a shift key that doesn't stick.*
Footnotes:
*Thing 2) can be dismissed if the audiobook requires the narrator to shout all capitalized text. Gilbert Gottfried seems to me the best choice for this task.
Read
July 20, 2012I HAVE NOT ACTUALLY READ THIS BOOK. >I HAVE ONLY READ THE REVIEWS AND THE SAMPLE PAGES PROVIDED ON AMAZON!!! I WOULD NEVER READ THIS< BOOK. HOWEVER: IT HAS GIVEN ME A NEW APPRECIATION FOR ALL CAPS TYPING. IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL ANDI FEEL LIKE I'M REALLY ABLE TO DRIVE> MY POINT: ACROSS!! I ALSO ENJOY USING NEW PUNCTUATION SUCH AS > AND < RANDOMLY IN MY SENTENCES. AND I HAVE LEARNED THAT IF I MISSPELL SOMETHING>> IT IS OK TO JUST: LEAVE IT. I LEARNED A FEW NEW WORDS WHILE LOOKING AT THE FEW SAMPLE PAGES OFFERED BY AMAZON!!! AS WELL AS THE EXERPTS FROM OTHERS WHO WERE CURIOUS ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY BUY THE EBOOK VERSION<> OF THIS BOOK AND *TRY* TO READ IT. (AS A SIDE NOTE HERE, I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THE COST OF THE PAPERBACK VERSION OF THIS BOOK IS FREAKING $140. WTF.) ANYWAY, SO ONE OF MY NEW FAVORITE WORDS THAT I DISCOVERED COURESY (SEE HOW I JUST LEFT THAT MISSPELLING THERE, THAT’S AWESOME) OF MRS STRONG-ANDERSON IS PHAROADS. A FELLOW: REVIEWER ALSO POINTED OUT>> THIS WORD? AND SAID THAT HIS INTERPRETATION IS THAT IT MUST BE AN EGYPTIAN HIGHWAY. WHILE I AGREE THAT THIS COULD BE A VALID INTERPRETATION DEPENDING ON HOW YOU PRONOUNCE THIS WORD IN YOUR HEAD (SINCE MY DICTIONARY IS OBVIOUSLY OUTDATED? AND DOES NOT CONTAIN THIS WONDERFUL WORD, I DON’T HAVE A CORRECT PRONUNCIATION TO REFERENCE!?!) I READ PHAROADS A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY!!! IN MY HEAD: IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE FAIR-ROIDS AND THEREFORE: IT MUST BE EGYPTIAN HEMORRHOIDS. WHICH MAKES MORE SENSE TO ME SINCE YOU PROBABLY GET THOSE FROM READING THIS BOOK!!! IN ADDITION TO WONDERFUL LESSONS IN PUNCTUATION AND GRAMMER, THE BOOK COVER FOR THIS PIECE OF ART IS ASTOUNDING. I’M SURE THAT THIS MUST HAVE TAKEN HOURS TO DESIGN. I ONLY WISH THAT I HAD SUCH WONDERFUL PORTRAITS OF MYSELF TO DISPLAY ON COVERS OF GIBBERISH TO MARKET FOR $140. OH WELL, A GIRL CAN DREAM!!!????><><:!
Shelved as 'mr-ed-says-neigh'
March 26, 2023Reading this blurb made my day!
No, really. Just...made my whole day.
I love Goodreads!
No, really. Just...made my whole day.
I love Goodreads!
Read
December 14, 2015As I told my friend Nick, I had no clue my mother wrote a book. Good for her.
March 22, 2012
It's people like this who just has anybody with any sense shaking their heads in disbelief... the text doesn't even seem coherent.
I quote: EVEN FROM FALSE CHRIST TEACHINGS. BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED:
Yaye for computer dictators!
This gets one star for speaking out against birth control, and for the bad grammar and lack of editing. Honestly, I don't want to waste time on it--just see the quote for what I'm talking about.
I quote: EVEN FROM FALSE CHRIST TEACHINGS. BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED:
Yaye for computer dictators!
This gets one star for speaking out against birth control, and for the bad grammar and lack of editing. Honestly, I don't want to waste time on it--just see the quote for what I'm talking about.
June 2, 2014
the spirit of whoredom compelled me to TL;DR that blurb after the capslock key got stuck
January 9, 2021
Everything about this book is absolute bullshit. The fucking TITLE isn't even in proper grammar. Do you expect me to take this seriously with this kind of title and synopsis? Look at the synopsis!!! What if I wrote this review that way?
This is absolute fucking TRASH AND IT SHOULD BE THROWN IN THE DUMPSTER AND ALSO it's created in the fiery depths of HELL.
Maybe I should have thrown in a few commas in the wrong place just to emphasize the stupidity.
Listen, I don't have an opinion on abortion. I literally don't. I just have very much rage and disgust and hate toward books like this. I'm a Catholic, but this makes me sick.
Being Christian means spreading love and the faith in a loving way. Like our slogan WWJD (What Would Jesus Do).
Not this. Anyone who's read the Bible can tell you that.
This is absolute fucking TRASH AND IT SHOULD BE THROWN IN THE DUMPSTER AND ALSO it's created in the fiery depths of HELL.
Maybe I should have thrown in a few commas in the wrong place just to emphasize the stupidity.
Listen, I don't have an opinion on abortion. I literally don't. I just have very much rage and disgust and hate toward books like this. I'm a Catholic, but this makes me sick.
Being Christian means spreading love and the faith in a loving way. Like our slogan WWJD (What Would Jesus Do).
Not this. Anyone who's read the Bible can tell you that.
Shelved as 'syphilis-of-literature'
January 9, 2021I got nothing to say here.
The existence of this “book” may have robbed me of the power of speech.
The existence of this “book” may have robbed me of the power of speech.
March 29, 2012
Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!! (AuthorHouse, 2008)
I am doing something I absolutely never do with this book: I am writing the review as I go along, because there are so many precious quotes that I want to use here I'll go through an entire notebook if I wait until I'm finished to kick this off. As I write these opening words, I'm only about thirty pages into this monstrosity, but there's absolutely no chance it's going to get any better, so why not start now?
If you at all follow the foibles of the vanity-publishing world, you are probably aware of Eliyzabeth [sic] Yanne Strong-Anderson's infamous tome BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!. After being published, with an original list price of $150, it went viral almost immediately, with cascades of awful reviews, mentions on blook blogs, and the like. I knew I would eventually have to read this jewel. I even attempted to crowdsource the $150 ($135 with Amazon's generous discount) last year so I could pick a copy up. (For the record, I got $85 in pledges.) I eventually resigned myself to the fact that I'd be using well over half the Amazon gift certificate I get from my parents every year to shell out for a copy of this... and then it found its way into the world of ebooks. Halle-freakin'-lujah. And not only that, but not for the piddling 5%, or even half off, one normally sees in an ebook release. No, you could suddenly buy this previously out-of-reach $150 gem for the princely sum of four bucks. Needless to say, I plunked my money down that very day. (It has since gone down; as I write this in February 2012, the current ebook price is $3.03.) Which leads to the first thing I have to say about this particular ball of crazy: most of the reviews you will read of this stem from first reactions, reading the title and book description, or occasionally from those who have gone through a free preview at Amazon or Google Books. The review you are reading right now comes from someone who has attempted to read the whole damn thing. All 648 pages of extreme nutterdom.
Now, to correct a couple of common misconceptions about this book, and to set a few guidelines:
1. AuthorHouse is a vanity publisher. What this means is that you send them a manuscript and a hefty chunk of change, and they publish it. Period. There is no editorial process with a vanity publisher (though some do offer the service for an extra hefty fee); it is entirely possible that no one but Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson set eyes on this manuscript before it was published. There is no slush pile. Nothing gets rejected unless (for some publishers, not all) it offends the common decency (for example, some vanity publishers would reject Nazi literature out of hand). In other words, no matter what the quality of the work you submit, you will get it published. “Publication” and “quality” can no longer be equated (if they ever could; vanity pubs have been around as long as publishers have).
2. it's not just the title and the product description that are rendered in all caps. In fact, with the exception of some Biblical quotes (which seem to be pulled from the biblestory website [note: link removed for Amazon consumption]), the entire book is written not only in all caps, but with a fascinating series of extraneous punctuation marks that, at present, make absolutely no sense to me. In fact, much of the reason I decided to write this review in diary form is because I'm going to attempt to crack Ms. Strong-Anderson's punctuation use and make sense of it.
As to the guidelines, they have to do with personal baggage I bring to the table. I am a media critic, and I am reading the book from the perspective of someone who prizes grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc. over content. (Yes, I know I'm being a hypocrite given how badly I proofread my own reviews.) I am not a Christian. I also fundamentally disagree with the book's premise, though I must admit that as a champion [in the sense of “I fervently support and evangelize this” rather than in the sense of “I take up sword and shield to strike down its enemies”] of the Negative Population Growth movement, I must admit that one of Strong-Anderson's Biblical quotes led me to the idea that it's possible to Bibilically justify ZPG or NPG (God tells Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth...”, which is pretty darned hard when the earth is currently supporting at least seven times the number of people that can sustainably exist on it). But that's another review entirely.
One more guideline: all quotes pulled directly from the book are [sic]. It would defeat the purpose to correct spelling, grammar, etc.
Might as well begin at the beginning, right? The very first sentence of the book sets the tone as well as anything:
“YES: GOD KNOWS YOU HEART AND GOD KNOWS YOUR INTENTIONS: BUT>>: THE VERY ACT AND THOUGHT OF BIRTH CONTROLING> IN A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE: HAS ROBB GOD AND THE CHURCH OF MANY PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN: **CHILDREN RAISED IN THE LOVE OF JESUS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A TRUTH AND A KEY TO FUTURE AND PROSPERITY OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HEAVEN. **”
Honestly, I probably could stop right there and be done with this review, because the very first sentence of the book typifies everything I have found to be true of the rest of the manuscript so far. Strong-Anderson comes off here as barely literate. Tense and/or number agreement between subject and verb do not exist in Strong-Anderson's world except by coincidence. What you may at first consider typos turn out to be actual misspellings (e.g., “ROBB” is consistent throughout the ms. when she means “rob”). The punctuation is unfathomable. The run-on sentence is one of the four basic food groups. The language, as a result of all of the above combined with a severe grammatical awkwardness and the simple difficulty of reading all-caps text, is just this side of unintelligible; it's like reading Riddley Walker if the narrator had been a religious zealot who shouted all the time. All of these things are enough for me to stop actually reviewing the book here. You know it's one of the most horrifying texts that will ever cross in front of your eyes, were you to attempt to actually read it. It's one of the most horrifying ever to cross mine, and I seek this sort of thing out like some people go trolling for crack rock. And yet...this is absolute comedy gold. It's the sort of thing I can see being group-read at cons in the way The Eye of Argon is now. Well, it's comedy gold as long as you don't take this raving seriously. For Strong-Anderson not only sees takers of birth control as murderers of countless children, she wants to make sure—like so many religious zealots do—that the earth is populated by so many people who believe like she does that they will be able to crush the rest of the religions (including the “BUDDISH AND HINDU”... do Buddish people only eat flowers or something?) out by sheer force of numbers alone:
“HOW MANY ANOINTED PREACHERS OR WOMEN TEACHING THE WORD OF GOD: DO YOU SEE HAVING YEARLY BABIES: UNDER THEIR PREACHING ANOINTING?? **ARE THEY TRUE TO THE ANOINTING OF GOD: OR ARE THEY LOOKING MORE LIKE THE FALSE CHRIST: THE HOLY WORD WARNS US ABOUT??”
In other words, to be a true Bible-believing Christian in the eyes of Strong-Anderson (who, she tells us a number of times, is a pastor who has a show on her local “public television” station [one assumes she means public access: please, for the love of all that's holy, someone tape excerpts and upload them to youtube!]), you must not only not take birth control, but if you're a woman, you have two states of existence: “pregnant” and “giving birth.” (At one point Strong-Anderson specifically equates women “*SEEKING JOBS:” with “[going] THE WAY OF BALAAM!!”.) And if you can't give birth, don't worry, you can still saddle yourself with an insane number of children: “**GOD WILL REQUIRE ADOPTIONS: WHEN A CHRISTIAN IS WEALTHY ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MORE THAN THE KIDS THEY HAVE: BUT CANNOT HAVE ANY MORE: BECAUSE OF BARENNESS!!” One of the reasons I decided to write the review this way was so I wouldn't forget to use this moue of incomprehensibility, from the same page as the last quote: “THE REAL TRUTH OF FAITH HEALING!! **THE REAL REASON WHY GOD HAS MADE US TO PRODUCE AND HAVE YEARLY>CHILDREN: IN OUR CHILD BEARING YEARS!! ** SO THEY HAVE TRUE INTO BALAAM MEDICAL WAYS: >>THEY HAVE TURN INTO>> A BIRTH CONTROL HIDDEN ABORTIONIST CHURCH OF FALSE CHRISTS!!”
[as a side note: there is, of course, an ulterior motive here. All too soon, Strong-Anderson becomes obsessed with another thread. To cut to the chase, I'll just quote the end of one of the sentences that dances around this point: “**SO THEY HAVE ROBBED GOD OF TITHES AND OFFERINGS!!” Yes, of course: it's always all about the banjamins.)
Which brings me to the next bit of this review, which will likely comprise the bulk of it: trying to hack Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's grammatical code. If you look at the first sentence, it seems like a complete mishmash, with the exception of the double-asterisks. They seem to be setting off a clause. I had that in the back of my head as I've been reading this, and I think we may be able to find some other things like that as we go along; The double greater-thans, for example, surrounding “THEY HAVE TURN INTO” seem as if they may have meaning. (I am at present stumped about “YEARLY>CHILDREN”, however.) And of course it goes without saying that while she does not do it with periods, both question marks and exclamation points are doubled at the ends of sentences as what seems to be a matter of course.
One wonders, as an aside, how much formal schooling Strong-Anderson had, and how much of it included instruction in the English language.
Before page fifty, I have already abandoned the idea that Strong-Anderson is using double-asterisks to set things off; there are far too many places where we have an opening double-asterisk without a corresponding closer. Though this is not limited to double-asterisks; once, so far, I've encountered an opening double-parenthesis without a closer. (They are, so far, the only two parentheses to be found in the book.)
The farther we go, the scarier we get. It's not long before the promise given in the product description (“THIS IS A HOLYSPIRIT DIRECTED MANUSCRIPT”) shows up; Strong-Anderson truly believes she is just a channel for this stuff (“*GOD HAS GUIDED ME TO WRITE: EVEN THIS BOOK OF JUDGMENT: TO HELP > BRING THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES AND CHURCHES TO TRUE REPENTANCE OF THEIR FALL AWAY FROM THEIR FIRST LOVE AND FROM THE TRUE WAY AND COMMANDMENTS OF GOD AND JESUS CHRIST!!”), that it is being delivered to her by God himself (and/or Jesus) (“YES!! > THE HOLYSPIRIT SENT: THIS*LETTER AND BOOK: *TO ALL PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN THE ONE FATHER CREATOR GOD...”), that her point of view is the only valid one for the Christian faith (“SEEK:> TRUE REPENTANCE IS FOLLOW ME IN THE HOLYSPIRIT COMFORTER DIRECTION OF GODS VOICE AND WORDS OF EVERLASTING COVENANTS COMMANDMENTS: EVEN THROUGHN AND BY: RESTORATIONS OF HIS TRUE HOLYSPIRIT TITHING CHURCH: ?BECOME A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN WITH THIS HOLYSPIRIT ANOINTED BOOK OF REPENTANCE AND JUDGEMENT:> CALLING YOU INTO A TRUE LIFE IN GOD AND JESUS CHRIST!!”). She credits her teachings with, for example, the Winans family (for those unfamiliar, a famous gospel dynasty) suddenly starting to have children again (“**CAN WE SAY CHRISTIAN FAMILIES LIKE: THE WINANS: A AFRICAN AMERICAN SINGING FAMILY: **WAS HEADED FOR NON-EXISTENCE: BEFORE I WROTE THIS BOOK??”).
I'm not a psychiatrist by any stretch of the imagination, so it is not for me to be pitching opinions on the state of this woman's mental and emotional health. I'd be very interested to see what a psychiatrsit would say, based on this manuscript. I'm betting a clean bill of health would not be forthcoming. I haven't even started with the persecution complex passages. Nor Strong-Anderson's attitudes on sex, which I'm sorry, but you'll have to read to believe. (Hint, for those who are going to try and do so in free previews: you want to look at chapter eight.)
The last chapter of the book, just to put the icing on the cake, is called “POEMS AND PRAISE TO OUR CREATOR GOD: AND TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR: EMMANUEL JESUS WHO IS>
YOWSHWA MESSIAH CHRIST.”
(Yes, the hard carriage return is in the title.)
The first of these is called “*GOD THANK YOU FOR LIVING WATER!!”, and it contains these immortal lines:
“GOD I WANT TO THANK YOU TODAY:
FOR GIVING ME> HOLYSPIRIT HEALING AND CORRECTIONS!!”
If only those corrections had included spelling, grammar, sentence structure, caps-ism, and the fact that “holy spirit” is two words. (zero)
I am doing something I absolutely never do with this book: I am writing the review as I go along, because there are so many precious quotes that I want to use here I'll go through an entire notebook if I wait until I'm finished to kick this off. As I write these opening words, I'm only about thirty pages into this monstrosity, but there's absolutely no chance it's going to get any better, so why not start now?
If you at all follow the foibles of the vanity-publishing world, you are probably aware of Eliyzabeth [sic] Yanne Strong-Anderson's infamous tome BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!. After being published, with an original list price of $150, it went viral almost immediately, with cascades of awful reviews, mentions on blook blogs, and the like. I knew I would eventually have to read this jewel. I even attempted to crowdsource the $150 ($135 with Amazon's generous discount) last year so I could pick a copy up. (For the record, I got $85 in pledges.) I eventually resigned myself to the fact that I'd be using well over half the Amazon gift certificate I get from my parents every year to shell out for a copy of this... and then it found its way into the world of ebooks. Halle-freakin'-lujah. And not only that, but not for the piddling 5%, or even half off, one normally sees in an ebook release. No, you could suddenly buy this previously out-of-reach $150 gem for the princely sum of four bucks. Needless to say, I plunked my money down that very day. (It has since gone down; as I write this in February 2012, the current ebook price is $3.03.) Which leads to the first thing I have to say about this particular ball of crazy: most of the reviews you will read of this stem from first reactions, reading the title and book description, or occasionally from those who have gone through a free preview at Amazon or Google Books. The review you are reading right now comes from someone who has attempted to read the whole damn thing. All 648 pages of extreme nutterdom.
Now, to correct a couple of common misconceptions about this book, and to set a few guidelines:
1. AuthorHouse is a vanity publisher. What this means is that you send them a manuscript and a hefty chunk of change, and they publish it. Period. There is no editorial process with a vanity publisher (though some do offer the service for an extra hefty fee); it is entirely possible that no one but Ms. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson set eyes on this manuscript before it was published. There is no slush pile. Nothing gets rejected unless (for some publishers, not all) it offends the common decency (for example, some vanity publishers would reject Nazi literature out of hand). In other words, no matter what the quality of the work you submit, you will get it published. “Publication” and “quality” can no longer be equated (if they ever could; vanity pubs have been around as long as publishers have).
2. it's not just the title and the product description that are rendered in all caps. In fact, with the exception of some Biblical quotes (which seem to be pulled from the biblestory website [note: link removed for Amazon consumption]), the entire book is written not only in all caps, but with a fascinating series of extraneous punctuation marks that, at present, make absolutely no sense to me. In fact, much of the reason I decided to write this review in diary form is because I'm going to attempt to crack Ms. Strong-Anderson's punctuation use and make sense of it.
As to the guidelines, they have to do with personal baggage I bring to the table. I am a media critic, and I am reading the book from the perspective of someone who prizes grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc. over content. (Yes, I know I'm being a hypocrite given how badly I proofread my own reviews.) I am not a Christian. I also fundamentally disagree with the book's premise, though I must admit that as a champion [in the sense of “I fervently support and evangelize this” rather than in the sense of “I take up sword and shield to strike down its enemies”] of the Negative Population Growth movement, I must admit that one of Strong-Anderson's Biblical quotes led me to the idea that it's possible to Bibilically justify ZPG or NPG (God tells Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth...”, which is pretty darned hard when the earth is currently supporting at least seven times the number of people that can sustainably exist on it). But that's another review entirely.
One more guideline: all quotes pulled directly from the book are [sic]. It would defeat the purpose to correct spelling, grammar, etc.
Might as well begin at the beginning, right? The very first sentence of the book sets the tone as well as anything:
“YES: GOD KNOWS YOU HEART AND GOD KNOWS YOUR INTENTIONS: BUT>>: THE VERY ACT AND THOUGHT OF BIRTH CONTROLING> IN A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE: HAS ROBB GOD AND THE CHURCH OF MANY PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN: **CHILDREN RAISED IN THE LOVE OF JESUS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A TRUTH AND A KEY TO FUTURE AND PROSPERITY OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HEAVEN. **”
Honestly, I probably could stop right there and be done with this review, because the very first sentence of the book typifies everything I have found to be true of the rest of the manuscript so far. Strong-Anderson comes off here as barely literate. Tense and/or number agreement between subject and verb do not exist in Strong-Anderson's world except by coincidence. What you may at first consider typos turn out to be actual misspellings (e.g., “ROBB” is consistent throughout the ms. when she means “rob”). The punctuation is unfathomable. The run-on sentence is one of the four basic food groups. The language, as a result of all of the above combined with a severe grammatical awkwardness and the simple difficulty of reading all-caps text, is just this side of unintelligible; it's like reading Riddley Walker if the narrator had been a religious zealot who shouted all the time. All of these things are enough for me to stop actually reviewing the book here. You know it's one of the most horrifying texts that will ever cross in front of your eyes, were you to attempt to actually read it. It's one of the most horrifying ever to cross mine, and I seek this sort of thing out like some people go trolling for crack rock. And yet...this is absolute comedy gold. It's the sort of thing I can see being group-read at cons in the way The Eye of Argon is now. Well, it's comedy gold as long as you don't take this raving seriously. For Strong-Anderson not only sees takers of birth control as murderers of countless children, she wants to make sure—like so many religious zealots do—that the earth is populated by so many people who believe like she does that they will be able to crush the rest of the religions (including the “BUDDISH AND HINDU”... do Buddish people only eat flowers or something?) out by sheer force of numbers alone:
“HOW MANY ANOINTED PREACHERS OR WOMEN TEACHING THE WORD OF GOD: DO YOU SEE HAVING YEARLY BABIES: UNDER THEIR PREACHING ANOINTING?? **ARE THEY TRUE TO THE ANOINTING OF GOD: OR ARE THEY LOOKING MORE LIKE THE FALSE CHRIST: THE HOLY WORD WARNS US ABOUT??”
In other words, to be a true Bible-believing Christian in the eyes of Strong-Anderson (who, she tells us a number of times, is a pastor who has a show on her local “public television” station [one assumes she means public access: please, for the love of all that's holy, someone tape excerpts and upload them to youtube!]), you must not only not take birth control, but if you're a woman, you have two states of existence: “pregnant” and “giving birth.” (At one point Strong-Anderson specifically equates women “*SEEKING JOBS:” with “[going] THE WAY OF BALAAM!!”.) And if you can't give birth, don't worry, you can still saddle yourself with an insane number of children: “**GOD WILL REQUIRE ADOPTIONS: WHEN A CHRISTIAN IS WEALTHY ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MORE THAN THE KIDS THEY HAVE: BUT CANNOT HAVE ANY MORE: BECAUSE OF BARENNESS!!” One of the reasons I decided to write the review this way was so I wouldn't forget to use this moue of incomprehensibility, from the same page as the last quote: “THE REAL TRUTH OF FAITH HEALING!! **THE REAL REASON WHY GOD HAS MADE US TO PRODUCE AND HAVE YEARLY>CHILDREN: IN OUR CHILD BEARING YEARS!! ** SO THEY HAVE TRUE INTO BALAAM MEDICAL WAYS: >>THEY HAVE TURN INTO>> A BIRTH CONTROL HIDDEN ABORTIONIST CHURCH OF FALSE CHRISTS!!”
[as a side note: there is, of course, an ulterior motive here. All too soon, Strong-Anderson becomes obsessed with another thread. To cut to the chase, I'll just quote the end of one of the sentences that dances around this point: “**SO THEY HAVE ROBBED GOD OF TITHES AND OFFERINGS!!” Yes, of course: it's always all about the banjamins.)
Which brings me to the next bit of this review, which will likely comprise the bulk of it: trying to hack Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson's grammatical code. If you look at the first sentence, it seems like a complete mishmash, with the exception of the double-asterisks. They seem to be setting off a clause. I had that in the back of my head as I've been reading this, and I think we may be able to find some other things like that as we go along; The double greater-thans, for example, surrounding “THEY HAVE TURN INTO” seem as if they may have meaning. (I am at present stumped about “YEARLY>CHILDREN”, however.) And of course it goes without saying that while she does not do it with periods, both question marks and exclamation points are doubled at the ends of sentences as what seems to be a matter of course.
One wonders, as an aside, how much formal schooling Strong-Anderson had, and how much of it included instruction in the English language.
Before page fifty, I have already abandoned the idea that Strong-Anderson is using double-asterisks to set things off; there are far too many places where we have an opening double-asterisk without a corresponding closer. Though this is not limited to double-asterisks; once, so far, I've encountered an opening double-parenthesis without a closer. (They are, so far, the only two parentheses to be found in the book.)
The farther we go, the scarier we get. It's not long before the promise given in the product description (“THIS IS A HOLYSPIRIT DIRECTED MANUSCRIPT”) shows up; Strong-Anderson truly believes she is just a channel for this stuff (“*GOD HAS GUIDED ME TO WRITE: EVEN THIS BOOK OF JUDGMENT: TO HELP > BRING THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES AND CHURCHES TO TRUE REPENTANCE OF THEIR FALL AWAY FROM THEIR FIRST LOVE AND FROM THE TRUE WAY AND COMMANDMENTS OF GOD AND JESUS CHRIST!!”), that it is being delivered to her by God himself (and/or Jesus) (“YES!! > THE HOLYSPIRIT SENT: THIS*LETTER AND BOOK: *TO ALL PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN THE ONE FATHER CREATOR GOD...”), that her point of view is the only valid one for the Christian faith (“SEEK:> TRUE REPENTANCE IS FOLLOW ME IN THE HOLYSPIRIT COMFORTER DIRECTION OF GODS VOICE AND WORDS OF EVERLASTING COVENANTS COMMANDMENTS: EVEN THROUGHN AND BY: RESTORATIONS OF HIS TRUE HOLYSPIRIT TITHING CHURCH: ?BECOME A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN WITH THIS HOLYSPIRIT ANOINTED BOOK OF REPENTANCE AND JUDGEMENT:> CALLING YOU INTO A TRUE LIFE IN GOD AND JESUS CHRIST!!”). She credits her teachings with, for example, the Winans family (for those unfamiliar, a famous gospel dynasty) suddenly starting to have children again (“**CAN WE SAY CHRISTIAN FAMILIES LIKE: THE WINANS: A AFRICAN AMERICAN SINGING FAMILY: **WAS HEADED FOR NON-EXISTENCE: BEFORE I WROTE THIS BOOK??”).
I'm not a psychiatrist by any stretch of the imagination, so it is not for me to be pitching opinions on the state of this woman's mental and emotional health. I'd be very interested to see what a psychiatrsit would say, based on this manuscript. I'm betting a clean bill of health would not be forthcoming. I haven't even started with the persecution complex passages. Nor Strong-Anderson's attitudes on sex, which I'm sorry, but you'll have to read to believe. (Hint, for those who are going to try and do so in free previews: you want to look at chapter eight.)
The last chapter of the book, just to put the icing on the cake, is called “POEMS AND PRAISE TO OUR CREATOR GOD: AND TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR: EMMANUEL JESUS WHO IS>
YOWSHWA MESSIAH CHRIST.”
(Yes, the hard carriage return is in the title.)
The first of these is called “*GOD THANK YOU FOR LIVING WATER!!”, and it contains these immortal lines:
“GOD I WANT TO THANK YOU TODAY:
FOR GIVING ME> HOLYSPIRIT HEALING AND CORRECTIONS!!”
If only those corrections had included spelling, grammar, sentence structure, caps-ism, and the fact that “holy spirit” is two words. (zero)
Shelved as 'avoid'
March 25, 2012Oh. Oooooh!
I get it! Random impregnation and overpopulation is so cool!
Wohooo!! Rock on!
I wonder…is it as cool , or more cool to have gazillion kids come out of your uterus while it stretches like the proverbial bubble gum in to a sad lumpy mass?
I am…not…sure…but seeing as how contraception is a sin, I seem to NEED a couple of episiotomies. A year.
Yah…I can not…wait.
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Bottom line?
If only I could rate it less then one star. Like...minus stars.
Over and out.
I get it! Random impregnation and overpopulation is so cool!
Wohooo!! Rock on!
I wonder…is it as cool , or more cool to have gazillion kids come out of your uterus while it stretches like the proverbial bubble gum in to a sad lumpy mass?
I am…not…sure…but seeing as how contraception is a sin, I seem to NEED a couple of episiotomies. A year.
Yah…I can not…wait.
Bottom line?
If only I could rate it less then one star. Like...minus stars.
Over and out.
Shelved as 'not-if-you-paid-me'
December 1, 2014Because I enjoy these so much, I'm going to add some lovely quotes from reviews.
This book changed my life. After finishing, I spent a long time with my wife of four years, and we discussed our financial situation. The truth is, no matter how much we loved each other, no matter how perfect we were together, we could not afford to bring a child into this world, and we learned through this book that this was not God's plan. We carefully weighed our options. The first we discussed was forcible sterilization. This was something we had to think about for a while, because by the same logic, if we intentionally sterilized ourselves, it could either be one very big sin or an infinite volume of small sins, depending on whether God's sin-counter is digital or analog respectively. For the next few weeks we began to configure our home in such a way that would ultimately lead to accidental castration. Unfortunately, this ended not with joy, but with hideous defeat, as a bread knife intended to snag my low-hanging testicles accidentally caught the missus on the inside of her left thigh, severing her femoral artery. We were able to think quickly enough, using my belt and several pages from this blessed book to staunch the blood flow. Unfortunately, she ended up losing the leg. We realized the folly of our ways when the stump of her newly amputated leg awakened in me a long dormant acrotomophilia. It became apparent that it was not God's plan for me to remain with this woman, this beautiful woman, no matter how badly I wanted to care for her for the rest of her life regardless of what happened. Such a devotion was clearly sinful. So we decided it was best for us to part ways. We kissed one last time before filing the divorce papers, relegating us to a state where we could no longer have sex together no matter how badly we wanted it. Over breakfast one morning, my new ex-wife suggested something to me. She said that a strange feeling came to her in a dream the night before, where a beautiful, angelic woman visited her and began to disrobe. We realized with delight that my beautiful ex-wife was actually a lesbian, and that she would never have to use birth control again. That left me alone, delighted for the once love of my life, but wishing I could find a way to move on as quickly as she had. But now, having faithfully removed myself from the cardinal sin of a respectful, faithful relationship with a woman, I was finally shown the light. His name is Lance. Thank you, Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you helped set my life straight. Or... Well, gay. But you understand.
Truly a revelation to learn that my vagina is a sperm receptacle, a canal created by God for the sole purpose of serving Him and delivering babies in His name. Seven years of higher education were a total waste of time.
Well,I'm very grateful I came across this book. I was going to do the 'sensible' thing and plan my family according to my income,health and emotional issues,but now I realise I was wrong & sinful for wanting to have a 'manageable' number of kids.Unfortunately my spouse likes to do the wild thing a LOT and I now have 20 of God's little miracles to feed.Thankfully,I've been able to take a rest from my marital obligations lately as he's either left me or I've lost him under the pile of nappies.A shame,really,as permanently being in maternity clothes makes dressing choices in the morning SO much easier.Oh,well,the nappies come in handy for my untreated obstetric fistula. We're now living under a bridge,& I can no longer afford my anti-pychotic medication but God will provide.Especially as we're planning on eating little Arthur on Tuesday.If I sell Becky to the knackers we'll have food til Thursday.Now,excuse me,I must go.Eustace is near the drain hole poking something nasty with a stick and the blue goblins are telling me to drown Egibald.Which is insane.Eugenia is the one that has to go.Anyway,this book is a godsend for those days I feel inexplicably depressed & can't connect to my children.Probably just need to pray more.Eustace! I told you! Put that stick down now! You don't know where that dead body has been!! My one criticism is that the font is small and hard to read by candlelight. Other than that,it's a brilliant book.Thick enough to kill the cockroaches on the first go.
The haters here are "gonna hate," but you should know that this new edition, all caps and excessive punctuation aside, is WAY better than the first edition of the book, which was written entirely in human excrement on the interior walls of the Athens Lunatic Asylum in Athens, Ohio. So let's give a little credit where credit is due, guys.
I CAN MIMIC THIS AUTHORS LOVE OF CAP LOCKS. LETS HOPE THIS BOOK SELLS A MILLION COPIES AND WE CAN ALL LEARN THE WONDER OF THE CAP LOCK. YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC!!!
This book changed my life. After finishing, I spent a long time with my wife of four years, and we discussed our financial situation. The truth is, no matter how much we loved each other, no matter how perfect we were together, we could not afford to bring a child into this world, and we learned through this book that this was not God's plan. We carefully weighed our options. The first we discussed was forcible sterilization. This was something we had to think about for a while, because by the same logic, if we intentionally sterilized ourselves, it could either be one very big sin or an infinite volume of small sins, depending on whether God's sin-counter is digital or analog respectively. For the next few weeks we began to configure our home in such a way that would ultimately lead to accidental castration. Unfortunately, this ended not with joy, but with hideous defeat, as a bread knife intended to snag my low-hanging testicles accidentally caught the missus on the inside of her left thigh, severing her femoral artery. We were able to think quickly enough, using my belt and several pages from this blessed book to staunch the blood flow. Unfortunately, she ended up losing the leg. We realized the folly of our ways when the stump of her newly amputated leg awakened in me a long dormant acrotomophilia. It became apparent that it was not God's plan for me to remain with this woman, this beautiful woman, no matter how badly I wanted to care for her for the rest of her life regardless of what happened. Such a devotion was clearly sinful. So we decided it was best for us to part ways. We kissed one last time before filing the divorce papers, relegating us to a state where we could no longer have sex together no matter how badly we wanted it. Over breakfast one morning, my new ex-wife suggested something to me. She said that a strange feeling came to her in a dream the night before, where a beautiful, angelic woman visited her and began to disrobe. We realized with delight that my beautiful ex-wife was actually a lesbian, and that she would never have to use birth control again. That left me alone, delighted for the once love of my life, but wishing I could find a way to move on as quickly as she had. But now, having faithfully removed myself from the cardinal sin of a respectful, faithful relationship with a woman, I was finally shown the light. His name is Lance. Thank you, Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you helped set my life straight. Or... Well, gay. But you understand.
Truly a revelation to learn that my vagina is a sperm receptacle, a canal created by God for the sole purpose of serving Him and delivering babies in His name. Seven years of higher education were a total waste of time.
Well,I'm very grateful I came across this book. I was going to do the 'sensible' thing and plan my family according to my income,health and emotional issues,but now I realise I was wrong & sinful for wanting to have a 'manageable' number of kids.Unfortunately my spouse likes to do the wild thing a LOT and I now have 20 of God's little miracles to feed.Thankfully,I've been able to take a rest from my marital obligations lately as he's either left me or I've lost him under the pile of nappies.A shame,really,as permanently being in maternity clothes makes dressing choices in the morning SO much easier.Oh,well,the nappies come in handy for my untreated obstetric fistula. We're now living under a bridge,& I can no longer afford my anti-pychotic medication but God will provide.Especially as we're planning on eating little Arthur on Tuesday.If I sell Becky to the knackers we'll have food til Thursday.Now,excuse me,I must go.Eustace is near the drain hole poking something nasty with a stick and the blue goblins are telling me to drown Egibald.Which is insane.Eugenia is the one that has to go.Anyway,this book is a godsend for those days I feel inexplicably depressed & can't connect to my children.Probably just need to pray more.Eustace! I told you! Put that stick down now! You don't know where that dead body has been!! My one criticism is that the font is small and hard to read by candlelight. Other than that,it's a brilliant book.Thick enough to kill the cockroaches on the first go.
The haters here are "gonna hate," but you should know that this new edition, all caps and excessive punctuation aside, is WAY better than the first edition of the book, which was written entirely in human excrement on the interior walls of the Athens Lunatic Asylum in Athens, Ohio. So let's give a little credit where credit is due, guys.
I CAN MIMIC THIS AUTHORS LOVE OF CAP LOCKS. LETS HOPE THIS BOOK SELLS A MILLION COPIES AND WE CAN ALL LEARN THE WONDER OF THE CAP LOCK. YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC!!!
Shelved as 'too-insane-for-reading'
January 23, 2012Taking a place alongside
How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
this is also a true classic in the canon of Bat Guano Mental Illness Literature. I've read the first two pages on GoogleBooks and skimmed through some more of its 648 pages in horror and disbelief, accompanied by nervous laughter, and in a kind of awe at the sheer fact of its existence--imagining and acknowledging that a human being actually wrote this, and apparently wrote this in earnest.
The Amazon page for this book is worth the time one could spend on acknowledging that this book exists. I highly recommend taking a peek at the Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed section.
The Amazon page for this book is worth the time one could spend on acknowledging that this book exists. I highly recommend taking a peek at the Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed section.
September 26, 2014
SHOUTY CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOUTY CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOUTY CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOUTY CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOUTY CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shelved as 'nope-nope-nope'
May 23, 2014If you liked this book, try these:
February 3, 2021
the fuck is this
February 19, 2020
I've been holding this book up as a joke for years, but wanted to add it here so I could find it more easily. The whole thing seems to be written in caps & is always priced ridiculously high. Today, 27Dec2015, it is $144.15, used for a mere $107.88. It's a paperback that is 648 pages long. I can't imagine anyone reading it for free much less spending good money for it, but apparently one GR reader did (a cheap, discontinued Kindle edition) & he actually did a decent review. Note where he shelves this.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
It is fun to read some of the reviews on Amazon:
5 star reviews: Still a better love story than Twilight.
-----
THERE ONCE WAS A BOOK IN ALL CAPS
IT MADE CHRISTIAN PEOPLE GO CLAP(S)
AT $135
IT KEPT SINNERS ALIVE
AND THEY READ IT WHILE TAKING THEIR CRAPS
A 3 star review: I'm sorry, I thought this was a book about birth control and Jesus, but it appears to be written in FORTRAN.
There are 392 reviews as of today. I'm not sure anyone actually read the book, though.
Here is the last paragraph of the book's blurb:
REMEMBER: GOD HAS MADE ME A HOLYSPIRIT VOICE FOR THE BRIDE OF GOD & CHRIST JESUS IN 1996 GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA. *CONCERNING THE SINS OF THE CHURCHES: &CONCERNING THE>LACK OF GIVING TO THE POOR & ORPHANS: CHRISTIAN CHURCHES SHOULD: BUILD MORE:> WATER WELLS: & BUILD LOW INCOME HOUSINGS: MATTHEW 25 & ISAIAH 61
Does the string of words above mean anything to anyone?
Why is this less offensive than porn?
If this is an example of freedom of religion, where does insanity start?
Standard Disclaimer
Look at what shelves this book is on. If it is 'did-not-finish' then I tried it & didn't like it. No, I do not have to finish a book to give it a star rating or a review. If you don't like that, tough. Have a nice day.
If the book is on my 'do-not-read' shelf then it was shoved under my nose or something about it made me think I might want to read it. I did some research & found that it was crap. I'll post why I think so & might even rate it with 1 star if it is really bad. If you disagree & want to discuss in the comments, you need to prove that it isn't with solid evidence. That means peer reviewed science, not anecdotes, opinions, or sites that are biased. Read the Debunking Handbook which is available for free here & follow its guidelines for providing proof. I'm willing to look at good evidence. I've been wrong before.
Comments that don't adhere to the above will be deleted. We're not going to change our minds if you just want to troll. If you repeatedly troll, your comment will be flagged & support will spank you. I may block you, too.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
It is fun to read some of the reviews on Amazon:
5 star reviews: Still a better love story than Twilight.
-----
THERE ONCE WAS A BOOK IN ALL CAPS
IT MADE CHRISTIAN PEOPLE GO CLAP(S)
AT $135
IT KEPT SINNERS ALIVE
AND THEY READ IT WHILE TAKING THEIR CRAPS
A 3 star review: I'm sorry, I thought this was a book about birth control and Jesus, but it appears to be written in FORTRAN.
There are 392 reviews as of today. I'm not sure anyone actually read the book, though.
Here is the last paragraph of the book's blurb:
REMEMBER: GOD HAS MADE ME A HOLYSPIRIT VOICE FOR THE BRIDE OF GOD & CHRIST JESUS IN 1996 GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA. *CONCERNING THE SINS OF THE CHURCHES: &CONCERNING THE>LACK OF GIVING TO THE POOR & ORPHANS: CHRISTIAN CHURCHES SHOULD: BUILD MORE:> WATER WELLS: & BUILD LOW INCOME HOUSINGS: MATTHEW 25 & ISAIAH 61
Does the string of words above mean anything to anyone?
Why is this less offensive than porn?
If this is an example of freedom of religion, where does insanity start?
Standard Disclaimer
Look at what shelves this book is on. If it is 'did-not-finish' then I tried it & didn't like it. No, I do not have to finish a book to give it a star rating or a review. If you don't like that, tough. Have a nice day.
If the book is on my 'do-not-read' shelf then it was shoved under my nose or something about it made me think I might want to read it. I did some research & found that it was crap. I'll post why I think so & might even rate it with 1 star if it is really bad. If you disagree & want to discuss in the comments, you need to prove that it isn't with solid evidence. That means peer reviewed science, not anecdotes, opinions, or sites that are biased. Read the Debunking Handbook which is available for free here & follow its guidelines for providing proof. I'm willing to look at good evidence. I've been wrong before.
Comments that don't adhere to the above will be deleted. We're not going to change our minds if you just want to troll. If you repeatedly troll, your comment will be flagged & support will spank you. I may block you, too.
July 1, 2012
I couldn't resist. I have studied enough psychology to be fascinated by people so brainwashed- in this case by christian mythology- that they go completely crazy. My main thought here was to wonder how long this woman has been off of her medication and why the doctor has not had her locked up for intensive therapy to try to restore her brain. Alas, apparently no one cares enough to try to help this poor deranged woman get a grip and get her back on her meds
If you have not had the misfortune to accidentally stumble into this rabbit's hole like Alice in Wonderland and me, let me go ahead and save you the trouble. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson hates women (though she is one) and has bought into the women as root of all trouble in the world jazz from christianity which means that women must be punished by being second class citizens and obedient dogs. Women also must not think of using their brains, just their vaginas, ovaries and their uterus. To this end, you must get married and go from being your father's property to being your husband's property and doormat. You must forgo birth control. You must have the first kid 9 months after the wedding and have one every 9 months until menopause or your uterus falls out on the ground or your body gives up and dies which ever come later.
I am an Atheist with no gods, goddesses, imaginary friends or male bosses in the sky and admit I always wonder what is wrong with women who cooperate with a system that tears them down.
Come on Eliyzabeth, honey, get back on those meds. There is more to life than being a bitch dog or brood mare.
If you have not had the misfortune to accidentally stumble into this rabbit's hole like Alice in Wonderland and me, let me go ahead and save you the trouble. Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson hates women (though she is one) and has bought into the women as root of all trouble in the world jazz from christianity which means that women must be punished by being second class citizens and obedient dogs. Women also must not think of using their brains, just their vaginas, ovaries and their uterus. To this end, you must get married and go from being your father's property to being your husband's property and doormat. You must forgo birth control. You must have the first kid 9 months after the wedding and have one every 9 months until menopause or your uterus falls out on the ground or your body gives up and dies which ever come later.
I am an Atheist with no gods, goddesses, imaginary friends or male bosses in the sky and admit I always wonder what is wrong with women who cooperate with a system that tears them down.
Come on Eliyzabeth, honey, get back on those meds. There is more to life than being a bitch dog or brood mare.
Read
July 2, 2011I would just like to thank the author of this book for making me laugh so hard I almost fell out of my chair. No, I have not read this, and I have no desire to read it. But seeing the title of this book just made my day. As Albert Einstein once said, "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the the universe."
September 15, 2009
I've never read this book, but it gets five stars for sheer biblical truth. In "THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES" birth control is a sin. In pagan marriages or ouside of wedlock, birth control is okay. Lord know we don't need anymore heathens running around. - Leviticus 64:13
Shelved as 'will-never-read'
February 21, 2012Before I saw this book, I did not have a "will never read" shelf.
Shelved as 'wtf'
October 18, 2012The only book where an all-cap rant in the blurb seems completely appropriate.
April 14, 2021
As someone who uses birth control to manage endometriosis symptoms... what the fuck
January 18, 2021
I think that the lady who wrote this book would have better success with having her book taken seriously if the title of this book was not written in capslock, and that the product description and summary were also written in lower-case and properly formatted, because gosh darn, a TEXTWALL OF CAPSLOCK certainly doesn't entice one to a positive conclusion about the product, especially as the book itself is also in CAPSLOCK. Don't believe me? Check out the free preview on Amazon.
Unfortunately, the book itself is no better, birth control argued against by Bible scripture and fallacious logic. Preventing a conception is better than preventing a birth - it is far better than abortion and we all know how much Christians hate that! as well as reducing population growth. There is no reason for us to not manage our population to conserve our resources and ourselves, and birth control simply is the best method to prevent the consequences of pregnancy (along with abstinence and monogamy, of course). Goodness, it is depressing to see that this kind of ignorance persists into the 21st century!
The writing itself is incoherent and rambling, and desperately needs an editor, because, god damn.
I'm also wondering just what the heck 'Priesthood Children' are. Shouldn't we be... yanno, keeping children away from the priesthood in the first place? ;)
Unfortunately, the book itself is no better, birth control argued against by Bible scripture and fallacious logic. Preventing a conception is better than preventing a birth - it is far better than abortion and we all know how much Christians hate that! as well as reducing population growth. There is no reason for us to not manage our population to conserve our resources and ourselves, and birth control simply is the best method to prevent the consequences of pregnancy (along with abstinence and monogamy, of course). Goodness, it is depressing to see that this kind of ignorance persists into the 21st century!
The writing itself is incoherent and rambling, and desperately needs an editor, because, god damn.
I'm also wondering just what the heck 'Priesthood Children' are. Shouldn't we be... yanno, keeping children away from the priesthood in the first place? ;)
Shelved as 'shall-never-read-ever'
July 25, 2011I really like her weave, that's why I had to add it.
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