Think of the shittiest, stupidest, most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done in your life. There now, I’m sure it was still classy, whatever it was, because you are a perfectly intelligent human being. You’ve read quite a number of complicated books; surely that elevates you above the lot of the Homo sapiens. You’re a Homo superior, a sapiosexual, a polymath, a refined member of the species whose primary attribute is a ridiculous tolerance for countless words. You’re the thinking man’s Jedi Knight or banana ketchup. Wait, is that a compliment? Let’s just say it is. So you made a rash decision, whatever it was I’m certain that what you did is tolerable. It was a mental mix-up, tame compared to what others do. You’re fine. You’re a solid human being. NAHHHHH! Who are we kidding?!! I bet the thing you did was so mothafucking insane that even dear old Adolf grinned in his grave. I’m thinking total mindfuck that you turned Sense and Sensibility from Austen to Trollope. Something so inherently out there, like unwittingly thinking that adding Zombies to Pride and Prejudice is a marvelous idea. Basically, you fucked up. Big time! So… did it involve a dabble into nudity? A botched public performance, perhaps? A drunken spree? Or did you give five stars to Twilight or some other raunchy, gaudy, teenage vampire novel? Or is it secretly liking Fifty Shades of Grey? Come on out now. Don’t be shy. We all did a lot of incipiently stupid things. No reason to feel bad at all. Unless it was the thing about Twilight and Fifty Shades, that’s god awful. You rot in hell. Haha! Just kidding. Whatever floats your boat, you freak. Alright, alright, I’ll stop there. Really, I’m kidding. Don’t get angry, just unfriend me or something, you Vampire lover! Hehehehe. There, I think I’m about done. Oh, wait a minute, there’s this last bit of insult coming out. Vampire Sex is the most ridiculous thing to have ever happened to the history of literature since David Hasselhoff’s Don’t Hassle the Hoff or even since dear old Adolf’s Mein Kampf!!! Sadly though, I think Harry Style’s Every Piece of Me is on par with the pathetic-ness of Twilight. Ughhh. Gross. Now, we’ve gotten really off track here. Bloody idiotic autobiographies! So, I was saying something about your top embarrassing thing. Sometimes though, your most embarrassing, stupidest decision can be getting into a relationship with someone who, so to speak, is a nut-job. We’ve all had that relationship with someone, who looking back, is so really awful that we keep saying to ourselves. “What were you thinking, you mindless twit?!!” Whoever it was, whatever it was, it should be pretty fucking miserable to remember. And when one of your old friends bring it up, God help their soul, you feel like hell will break loose. Ahh, the idiocy of our past selves can be sincerely comical and infuriating at the same time. But here’s where you question the morality of certain things. Can your former relationships dictate the outcome of your life? Can the most embarrassing things secretly take hold of the reigns controlling your metaphorical chariot? In case you were wondering, this really is a review of McEwan’s Amsterdam. It just occurred to me that McEwan started this book thinking of one thing, but proceeded to make something completely different as he ended. He started out with an intricate scene, the funeral of Molly, the woman who, all four main characters fucked at one point or another; I guess you could even say loved. McEwan goes on to complexly develop these four characters, four intellectuals, only to later on turn them into idiots and complete fuck-ups. I guess there were certain things that pushed them off the edge. But you can’t really say that this was done gracefully. The turn from top-notch human beings into the mindless morons was a little too briskly done for my taste. Somehow, it can be argued that a part of their insanity can be attributed to the death of Molly, but this is just speculation. It’s more likely that they were mercilessly given the insanity gene by almighty Ian. Loose morals and a complete disregard for anyone other than the self is the balmy target of this erratically weird tale. It’s like listening to an opera that suddenly takes a turn into disco-pop. I saw the signs, but I actually refused to believe that the great McEwan would be so.. so.. tacky. I was surprised by something I had dismissed as beneath the author. It’s like when you look at a person from afar and think: that’s an attractive human being. But when you arrive at close proximity, alas, your eyes hath deceiveth you. I hate it when this happens to me. I’m giving this novella a three just because of the brilliant prose and some scattered laughs. Still, the unfulfilled potential of this book makes me sad. The fact that this won the Man Booker makes me sadder. But, thinking about my embarrassing moments make me saddest.