If I Must

by Amy Lane

Joel Martinez, a practical and organized computer programmer, is roommates with Ian Cooper, a certified IQ-in-the- stratosphere mathematical genius who literally can't find his own underwear in the mess of his day-to-day life. When Joel uneasily leaves Ian for the holidays, he ends up telling stories to his sister and discovers he feels much more for Ian than he thought. So when Ian calls, distraught because the only other thing in his life that loves him (a half-feral cat named Manky Bastard) is going to have to be put down, Joel hurries back home hoping that opposites really do attract.

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Romance, Friends To Lovers, Holiday, Christmas, Short Stories

69 pages, ebook

First published December 1, 2009

About the author

Amy Lane dodges an EDJ, mothers four children, and writes the occasional book. She, her brood, and her beloved mate, Mack, live in a crumbling mortgage in Citrus Heights, California, which is riddled with spiders, cats, and more than its share of fancy and weirdness. Feel free to visit her at www.greenshill.com orwww.writerslane.blogspot.com, where she will ride the buzz of receiving your e-mail until her head swells and she can no longer leave the house.

Reviews

[Meags · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 Stars

This was a strange one for me. Not unsurprising, though, from past experiences, I seem to struggle with some of Lane’s older works. Something in the delivery and the dialogue often feels off to me, and that was very much the case for me here.

In this Thanksgiving set short, Joel struggles with his feelings for his highly-intelligent-but-functionally-questionable Australian roommate Ian, which he only realizes the full extent of when he has to leave him alone for a short visit home to Colorado for the holidays.

In the brief months that Joel and Ian have been sharing an apartment together, Joel has very much taken up the role of caretaker for Ian, who is one of those genius people who seem slightly disconnected from reality and time. In Ian’s case, he often forgets appointments, or to eat or sleep or dress appropriately in cold weather—honestly, if it wasn’t for Joel and his warm, caring nature, I’d definitely be worried how Ian would function on a day-to-day basis, and apparently Joel shares those fears.

This was short, sweet and quirky, briefly showing little flashbacks to key moments in their evolving relationship, while chronicling the events over Thanksgiving, beginning with Joel’s trip home, and concluding with his speedy return when Ian has a heartbreaking need to Joel after the ill-health of their cat, Manky Bastard, takes a turn for the worst.

I often enjoy stories where smart characters are actually a bit dippy and untethered to general social conventions, but in this case, I found Ian fairly insufferable. I just could not imagine that he actually had genius-level smarts. And, honestly, as an Australian myself, I found the syntax of his dialogue just weird and OTT, which threw me out of the story a good deal.

The story will work for many readers, but I do believe this was just a case of incompatible writing with this reader.

[Kaje Harper · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the first Amy Lane book I've read that I found as irritating as it was appealing. Ian is just too helpless, it is either pathological or a deliberate attempt to attract Joel, which would be too conniving to fit his supposed character. But this guy was on his own for nine years before Joel, he should know how to run out to the corner for Doritos. (A scene where he forgot to eat for two days and then bought only junk food would be okay. The existing version is over the top.) Also, writers, if you must use an IQ score to show how smart your character is, go BIG. This guy is supposedly so smart people throw him money and put up with his eccentricities, with an IQ of 170. Well, I know several people with IQs over 170 and while they are often brilliant in their own fields, we are pretty normal folk. You don't get this kind of situation until you get to Stephen Hawking level or add some major creativity to the smarts. So if you must use IQ, go over 200 (I know two of those, and one is maybe too bright to fit with us mortals comfortably.) I also found Joel's transition from straight roommate to love interest much too fast and smooth, both on the emotional and on the physical level. And I was not sanguine about the length of this relationship. When things are that one-sided in the care-taking area, it's going to get old. And just to complete the bitching, I'd have liked to see more grief over the cat for herself, not just her place in the relationship. With all the flaws, it is only Amy Lane's writing skills that redeem this story.

[Deeze · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE this book. Its such a feel good read. Ian is my favorite nerdy kinda guy, a total genius but completely at a loss in the real world. Joel is just a sweetheart with the way he looks out for Ian from the start. They both have insecurities and when Ian starts thinking Joel's gonna leave him my heart broke for him, as it did when poor Manky Bastard had to go away

Recommend to anyone looking for Fun, Love and that Awwww factor lol

Re read and I love it even more.


ETA Another book that just never gets old. Ian is one of my favorite characters. Would love another peak into Joel and Ian's life.

ETA Still waiting for an up date on this couple, but in the mean time still a great read

ETA Have I mentioned I adore this story? How about I would love an update? Seriously I need an update lol.

[Vio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lovable and a good pick me up. Ian is in a shambolic state of disarray and wouldn't have a clue how to look after himself, coming from a genius you might think organisation is his forte. Don't be fooled he may be clever but every other aspect of his life is a mess, he hardly sleeps eats or has any sense of real time. Joel rents a room with Ian and helps to keep him balanced and maybe a bit more sane. Ian is adorable and frustrating at times I wondered how Joel didn't erupt and blow his top more often. Joel is his lifeline and I would hate to think how Ian's life could spiral out of control without him. Ian is craving love and hoping Joel will be the one who doesn't leave in the morning, all the doubts and anxieties work out so wonderfully in the end. Bonus the kitties names are a joy!

[~✡~Dαni(ela) ♥ ♂♂ love & semicolons~✡~ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Look, peeps, this has a kitten on the cover, yeah? Need I say anything else? This was totally adorbs, fluffy, and sweet. Loved the brilliant, geeky, totally spacey Aussie, Ian, and his roommate Joel, a Hispanic computer programmer. Ian forgets to eat and clean, and perpetually meets people while he's half-naked. Joel keeps Ian's life organized and falls for Ian in the process. It's a good thing Joel's feelings are returned. This is a lovely, low-angst Lane story, like a slightly sweet, spiked glass of eggnog. Holidays not necessary to enjoy.

[atmatos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cute, loved it!

[Heller · Rating 3 out of 5]

From the Amy Lane's I've read this very true to course. A sweet angst-fest of a story that focuses on a computer programmer, Joel, and his lovably screwed up genius roommate, Ian.

Cute cover!

[Otila · Rating 2 out of 5]

Joel Martinez might be in love with his roommate, Ian. But that's impossible because Joel is straight. Right? Riiiight.

This is a sweet Christmas story. Ian was a little too OTT helpless but Joel was adorable and I love me a Latino MC. Too bad the Spanish is all jacked up. Unfortunately, I'm used to it and if I like the story enough I just overlook it. This however was one of three books I read in a week that was riddled with misspelled Spanish words and it bugged me. I also expect more from an Amy Lane book. So 2.5, I guess. Rounded down because of the aneurysm I almost had from having to see mammi and pappi spelled like that over and over.

Ugh, and don't even get me started on punto. Aren't people supposed to at least know the bad words?

[Ami · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book because of the cat cover *g*. If only the cat plays a bigger role. Anyway, the story is nice. Ian, as one of the main characters, are so messed-up *lol*. I guess having high IQ does that for you. It's interesting to see Ian and Joel together

[Dina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute little story. Joel was nice, but Ian grated on my nerves. The writing was OK, but there were tons of editing errors. What's the deal with ebooks? Don't they get proofreaded before being released?

[♥Laddie♥ (Lee Lee) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't BELIEVE I've never written a review for the AWESOMENESS that is this little story...

A number of months ago Joel met Ian when he saved Ian from being crushed by weights at the gym. Joel is neat, organized, a good guy that you could meet one day while getting coffee or waiting for the bus or something. Joel's looking for somewhere to live that has character. Here's where Ian comes in. Ian's a tall, slim but muscular, certifiably mathematical genius, blonde, absentminded professor who's Australian. The college pays for Ian to live in a kickass apartment in a Victorian house and all they want from him is for him to give some lectures and write a paper. Yeah, Ian is that much of a genius. Ian has a spare room and he and Joel become roommates.

Okay, I'm going to stop right there for a minute to say that I love the way this story is written. About half of it is told in a series of flashbacks but not the usual sort of flashbacks. Joel's at his mother's house for a vacation right before Thanksgiving and he's telling his older sister about Ian. That's how we learn about Ian, through Joel's eyes. It really, really works well because the reader sees just how in love Joel is even though Joel hasn't faced the fact that he's in love.

Therough Joel's stories the reader also gets to see Ian in a light that makes him more real than just being a caricature of an absentminded genius. Ian, or Ee as Joel calls him, remains my favorite genius in the M/M genre. More than a few authors have tried to pull off the scatterbrained genius character and I'm never completely satisfied. Ian, though, is absolutely loveable, adorable, believable, and just plain sweet. I totally understood why Joel fell in love with him.

Joel is just as loveable as Ian. The way he takes care of his Aussie genius is sweet. Ian brings light and vitality into Joel's life and Joel makes sure that, in him, Ian has someone who takes care of him and let's him know that he's important. When Joel finally figures out, with the help of his amazing mother and sister, what he feels for Ian I was grinning like a mad woman. Ian and Joel just BELONG together. They fit like puzzle pieces.

Joel and Ian are my comfort read couple and they remain one of the most memorable Amy Lane couples for me. If I Must is also the first Amy Lane book I ever read and I'm glad this book was my introduction to her work. I've just reread it for the gazillionth time and as always my love for this story holds strong. I highly recommend.

[Mandy*reads obsessively* · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.35*

I love this story. I read it originally back in 2011 and have reread it a few times since then, and realized I never wrote a review for it.

I'm not really going to write one now either, I'm just going say again that I love this feel good read.
Ian, the lovable, brilliant, absent minded genius. Alone most of his life, no one that loves him or cares for him, and that boy needs someone to care for him.
Joel, the kind, sweet, caring roommate is just the person for the job. He sees Ian, really sees him.
“Ian’s heart was as big as the goddamned sky. It was as simple as that.”
Ian knows what a great friend he has in Joel and is scared to death of loosing him and disappearing back into his just existing, no one ever stays with Ian, eventually they all leave him. I could feel Ian's heartbreak at just the thought of not having Joel in his life. “Ian swallowed, hard, “or when you’re here. You’re the only one who makes me… real.”
The ultimate feel-good-friends-to-lovers-holiday-short.
Oh and there is a cat too.

[Monika · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was cute, sweet, funny, irritating and annoying it had that awww factor I like and there was heartbreak but not the angsty kind, I will admit a couple of tears were shed. Ian made me laugh and for anyone who thinks there isn’t a real life person out there like Ian well I’m here to tell you you’re wrong and while Ian maybe a tiny bit over-the-top I thought he was the sweetest thing but could I please shake some sense into that boy? I know not going to happen and why would I want to its the thing I loved about him. Unfortunately it was Joel that I found irritating and annoying is there anyone out there that is that perfect? If there is could you please send him my way? :-p

This was a feel good little short and I just have to say it “I wish it were longer!” *lol*

[Katrina Passick Lumsden · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't feel this was up to Lane's usual standards, and honestly, it would've been a lot better had it been longer. The character's are interesting enough to devote a full-length story to, so only getting a snippet of a tale made me feel shortchanged. Still, it's cute for what it is, I really liked the characters, and the friends-to-lovers theme is usually a nice standard.

[ᴥ Irena ᴥ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Roommates to lovers
One is completely in control and well organized, the other is his total opposite. Both have their own insecurities.
Ian's absent-mindedness is a bit exaggerated to unbelievable proportions, but it's still a cute holiday story.

[Alexi Silversmith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genre: M/M Contemporary Romance
Length: Novella (69 Pages)
Rating: Five stars out of Five.

Summary Review: Unique and fully rounded characters bring this short but sweet little story to life.

BLURB:

Joel Martinez, a practical and organized computer programmer, is roommates with Ian Cooper, a certified IQ-in-the-stratosphere mathematical genius who literally can't find his own underwear in the mess of his day-to-day life. When Joel uneasily leaves Ian for the holidays, he ends up telling stories to his sister and discovers he feels much more for Ian than he thought. So when Ian calls, distraught because the only other thing in his life that loves him (a half-feral cat named Manky Bastard) is going to have to be put down, Joel hurries back home hoping that opposites really do attract.

REVIEW:

If I Must begins with Joel Martinez taping a plethora of sticky notes and instructions to the fridge in his apartment in a desperate attempt to keep his ditzy room-mate Ian alive while Joel is away for the holidays. Joel then leaves and goes home but finds that he just can't get Ian out of his mind. The story then becomes a series of flashbacks that reveal a very special - if slightly eccentric - relationship between two men who are completely different but somehow perfect for each other.

The way that Amy Lane builds up both characters in this story is really clever. She leads us into thinking that each of the men is a familiar stereotype and then, just as we're feeling comfy, she whips the carpet out from under us and reveals that they both have hidden and heart-breaking depths. Even though the story is told in the third person, exclusively from Joel's POV, I never felt that I was unsure of Ian's personality or motivations, which is quite an achievement.

I loved the way we're really shown that the two of them fit together as a couple, how Ian fills Joel's deep-seated desire to be needed and Ian fills Joel's to have someone actually see him as a person and not just a brain. Their little habits, the nick-names, in-jokes and catch-phrases they use with each other, texture their interactions until you can't imagine either of them being with anything else. And I have to admit for a sneaky but passionate love for Manky Bastard, the snarky cat that brings them together. Anyone who has ever been owned by a cat will recognise something of them in her.

There isn't a whole lot of sex in this story, and for those of us who (occasionally!) get sick of 'buckets of cum' that's a relief - but some people might miss it, especially since the chemistry between these two is enough to singe the old paint off your walls. Joel's conversations with his family are mostly real and funny; however towards the end of the story his mother's reactions seemed a little too easily accepting, especially in what we're told has been a traditional Mexican family.

Other than that, I really can't pick at anything in this little gem of a novella, other than the fact that I wish it had been twice as long. For anyone who's been getting sick of stories that deliver insta-love followed by a hundred pages of nothing but repetitive sex, I highly recommend this thoughtful and beautifully written tale of love and friendship.

[Kassa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a little late in reading the Mistletoe Madness stories from Dreamspinner’s Christmas anthology but I happened to pick this one up due to the cute kitten on the cover and quirky blurb. Most novellas either leave you wanting more or tend to be forgettable, which is why this perfect story stands out among the pack. The shorter length is just right and the characters are memorable and adorable. There are a few slight issues but really they don’t matter. If you’re looking for a very fun, cute story with some great humor and romance, get this. It’s absolutely worth the few dollars.

The story is mostly about Joel realizing he’s in love with Ian and a few scenes of how they manage to live together with the change in their relationship and a happy ending. The characters are set up through Joel as he tells his sister all about his roommate Ian. The stories are funny, quirky, delightful, and a touch sad as Joel realizes the deeper meanings behind Ian’s actions and what it means for his own emotions. Joel is the neat one who manages Ian’s crazy life and enjoys being the caretaker in their apartment. Ian is the classic genius who can’t remember to eat or sleep but is harmless and good hearted so Joel can’t get mad at him.

The writing is very good with some really engaging dialogue. The story is a warm mixture of touching scenes and humorous antics that combine to deliver a thoroughly entertaining and satisfying short story. There are a few nagging details that don’t always make sense such as Joel’s sudden realization that he’s gay, something he never even suspected before, but for the sake of the story these issues can be overlooked. I wish the story had found some other way to keep the two men apart initially but again, it’s not a detail that will derail your enjoyment. Bottom line I’d easily recommend this fun and flirty story with great characters and a satisfying ending.

[Deja Dei · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not much I can add that hasn't been said. Heartwarming and enjoyable. I will say the author has done a great job making believable and likable characters where they could have so easily fallen into cliches in a less talented author's hands. These guys felt so real, and it made me care about them right away. One to read when you need low conflict and cheering up. Reading this is like eating chocolate :)

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute. One word sums it up here. I enjoyed the story and many of it's elements...but not all of them. One major annoyance for me was a characteristic of one of the main characters, Ian...he's so smart that he's almost functionally retarded. He can't remember his schedule...appointments...if he's eaten...when to sleep. At one point in the book his roommate comes home and he's eating cat food because he didn't see anything in the fridge...never mind looking in the freezer.

Another thing that really bothered me...especially because this was such a short book and the author teaches English...lots and lots of errors. "I want to a school"...went to school. Character quotes would start but there was no close quote. Something would be in parenthesis and there was no end parenthesis. I don't feel like that is nit-picking either. If it had just been once or twice I could have overlooked it...it was excessive.

I enjoyed the interaction between Joel and his family. The conversations he has with his sister and mother are wonderful and heart-warming.

Ian is a totally adorkable character once I got past the character trait I mentioned above. Joel is a very interesting character and very likeable. His ethnic heritage is used to great effect and makes him feel very authentic.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awwwww, I loved it. Joel and Ian are perfect together. I loved how Joel took care of Ian but Ian provided something for Joel too. I found it interesting that Joel's family knew his orientation before Joel even admitted it to himself, but was glad that when he realized it he was able to embrace it with out angst. I also loved the cats :D

ETa Loved it just as much the second time!!

[Arch Bala · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought it was cute and sweet. I just didn’t like the fact that Ian, who’s supposedly a genius got this crazy logic on not using condoms because “it’s not like either one of them can get pregnant.” *rolls eyes* That threw me off a little but overall, it’s a really good short read. <3

[Alisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

This didn't work for me on any level. I didn't buy the supposed attraction between the two MC's. I felt zero emotion except annoyance at the overabundance of racial stereotypes. Bleh....just terrible for me.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author is stealing my heart with all these troubled characters. To be so smart that you forget to do the simple things like eat, shower, get dressed. But then to find love and that is what motivates you to step up. I really enjoyed this quick read.

[BookAddict ✒ La Crimson Femme · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is way too cute. I loved this story. Ms. Lane does it again with the sweetest two characters. I read her bio and now understand she teaches English. It's very clear she does because her books are so well written! This short story is adorable with Joel starting off as the roommate to "the little professor" Ian and becoming his lover. Ian seems to be clueless in so many ways I'm just shocked.

It's not so much what Ms. Lane tells us, but how she shows us. There are so many cute examples of how Ian is the absent minded professor. This illustration is better than any other author. I wish I all authors could write so well in this manner. For technical writing skills, every author should mimic Ms. Lane.

For the character creation - wow. Joel and Ian are very different than another book I just read with a similar type of set up. Ms. Lane really knows how to create characters that stick in a person's mind and have distinct personalities. I wonder if she bases any of the characters on all the students that come through her class every year. Plenty of crazies to pluck from there!

This sweet holiday book is highly recommended to m/m lovers who enjoy a good romance.

[DaisyGirl · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

This was a short, feel-good Christmas story about a super organized computer programmer and a totally disorganized mathematical genius. Joel and Ian are opposites in so many ways but compliment one another. When Joel goes home to visit his family for Thanksgiving, the time away from Ian gives him some much needed distance to closely examine his true feelings. So when Ian calls, distraught about having to put down their beloved cat, Joel quickly hurries home to be by his side and show Ian that he loves him. Over the Christmas holidays, the two quickly go from roommates/friends to lovers.

This book featured a common theme I find in Amy Lane's work: caretaker and cared-for. Here, Joel was the caretaker. I loved that he looked after Ian and I loved that Ian's genius made it hard for him to focus on day-to-day activities that most people take for granted. You'd think that Ian would come across as needy but he didn't to me. I enjoyed bth characters and felt that they complimented each other well.

Bottom line: short and sweet Christmas treat.

[Plainbrownwrapper · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just love Amy's narrative voice, and her characters. I can't help it. Whether her books are silly, sappy, or angsty, they make me feel warm and fuzzy. If I Must is a very sweet, silly, and somewhat unrealistic story which is a quick and fun read for those times when you just want to smile and not think too hard for an hour or two.

GR user Kaje Harper has a critical review of this story here. Every one of her criticisms is entirely accurate -- but I don't care. Some stories make me want to pick apart their flaws, while other stories make me want to ignore the flaws. I'm ignoring the flaws in this story as hard as I can. ;-)

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an adorable read. Ian is a scatter brained genius who can barely take care of himself but has a heart of gold the size of montana. Joel gets thrown into his life when he moves in as a roommate. Eventually they adopt Manky Bastard together. Joel goes home for Thanksgiving and his family clues him in he might be having more than friendly feelings towards Ian because of how much and how he talks about him. These two men are truly adorable together and I recommend this book as a light fun read without much angst. 5 stars.

[Josephine Myles · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sweet story, that was somewhat reminiscent of Lane's latest, Talker. There is a down-to-earth, capable character taking care of the rather unworldly, innocent one - this time it's Ian, an Aussie mathematician. I found the characters incredibly endearing, and it's a sweet, entertaining yet undemanding read.

The cover looks like something I had on my wall when I was 7 years old, though.

[Wicked · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not objective when it comes to Amy Lane books or stories. They are comfort reads to me even when it's the first time I am reading them. There is just something about her writing that works for me and I can't come up with more than one of her books that didn't feel like that for me even if she is pulling out my heart and running over it with a Wartenberg wheel.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just re-read this and I must have forgotten how awesome it was. I was left feeling all warm and toasty on the inside. It was unbelievably sweet, with wonderful characters and some genuinely lovely moments. I teared up a little too. Thanks again Amy for such a great lil' read.