Adventures in Time Mowing
After my laptop fused to my lawn mower after a freak lightning strike, I discovered that I could use it to travel through time.
“Let’s see, I got the car all gassed. I’ve loaded up the guns and ammo. Here’s the bag of money. All I need to do is grab a bottle of whiskey, and I’ll…..Holy shit! Where did you come from?”
“Relax, George. My name’s Kemper. I’m from the future. Time mower, travel through history, blah, blah, blah.”
“How did you know my name?”
“Everybody knows George “Machine Gun” Kelly in the future.”
“Really?”
“Nah, not really. I mean, most people have heard the name but no one really knows your story like they do John Dillinger or Clyde from Bonnie & Clyde. Maybe if you would have died bloody like them you’d be better known.”
“What are you talking about? They're all still alive.”
“For the moment. Here‘s a tip. Never go to the movies with Dillinger or take a car ride with Bonnie and Clyde.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Glad you asked, George. I’m here for the money.”
“What money?”
“Oh, let’s not play games now, George. I’m talking about the $200,000 you got in that bag after kidnapping that oil man from his house in Oklahoma.”
“How do you know about that?”
“Wow. You just aren’t getting this future concept. Try to keep up with me, George. Your whole life is ancient history to me. I’ve read all about you, including this little cluster fuck you just pulled with the kidnapping.”
“Cluster fuck? We just made two hundred gees, mister!”
“Yeah, and what have you done with it? You and your wife have run all over the Midwest like a couple of chickens with their heads cut off while you’re letting gangster friends of yours cut themselves a slice of the pie. Meanwhile, the feds have arrested most of your wife’s family who helped you. Damn, George, if you had a brain in your head, you would have been on a boat out of the country with the money weeks ago. It’s the 1930’s, how hard could it have been to disappear with a fortune?”
“So you think I should just give you the money?”
“Why not? Even in my time, $200,000 is a nice chunk of change. And trust me, you won’t need any money where you going. Wouldn‘t you rather give it to someone like me rather than letting the feds get it back or have the other gangsters steal it from you?”
“Well, I gotta say that I see your point, Kemper. We don’t know what the hell we’re doing, but if you’re from the future and know all about me like you said, then I assume you know about my wife, too?”
“Oh, crap.”
“Yeah, I’ll give you the money if you want, but then you gotta deal with Kathryn. And she is an incredible ball buster. I don’t care if you can take your time doohickey to the end of the world, she will track you down for that money.”
“You know what? Let’s just forget the whole thing, George.”
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This is a mash-up of historical fiction, crime story and character study beginning with the Kansas City Massacre and going through a kidnapping carried out by Machine Gun Kelly which at the time was the largest ransom paid in US history. However, Kelly and his fame-obsessed shrew of a wife are relentlessly pursued by a former Texas ranger who is an agent for J. Edgar Hoover’s new Bureau of Investigation. There’s also several other gangsters and assorted hillbillies in the mix.
I picked this up because Ace Atkins was recently hired by Robert B. Parker’s heirs to continue the Spenser series. After reading this, I’m interested to see what Atkins will do with it. He’s got a style similar to RBP’s, and it seems like his skill in character building could add something a series that’s long past its prime.
Atkins did a nice job here of turning a real true crime story into a peek inside the heads of the cops, gangsters and victim. Fans of stories about the Depression-era gangsters would probably enjoy this.