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304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
“Now, the lot of ye – we gonna go for a drive?” Crouper asked his horses, and they neighed even louder.
The younger ones reared and bucked; the shaft horses and the steppe horses snorted, shook their manes, and nodded. Crouper lowered his large, rough hand, still holding the piece of bread in the other, and began petting the horses. His fingers caressed their backs, stroked their manes, and they neighed, tossing their heads and stretching their necks. They playfully nipped his hand with their tiny teeth and pressed their warm nostrils against his fingers. Each horse was no bigger than a partridge. He knew every single one of them and could tell you what its story was, where it was from, and how he got it, how it worked, who its parents were, and describe its likes and dislikes – its personality.
The huge, wide object was completely covered in snow and rose up and up. Throwing his travel bags down in the snow, the doctor wiped his pince-nez with his scarf and tilted his head back. He couldn’t understand what was in front of him. At first he thought it was a pointed haystack covered in snow. But he touched it and realized that it wasn’t made of hay, just snow. His eyes agog, the doctor stepped farther back. Suddenly, at the top of the strange, vast, snowy shape, he made out the likeness of a human face. He realized that he was standing in front of a snowman of monstrous proportions, with a huge, erect phallus of snow.



‘The birch was old, and the bark was puckered—the doctor breathed on it and inhaled its fragrance. The frozen birch smelled like a bathhouse. “White … cellulose…,” the doctor mumbled into the silver bark. He realized that he was beginning to freeze.’
“Guten Abend, schöne Müllerin…,” he said aloud, recalling Nadine’s beloved Schubert. He took off his shirt.
“One should never abandon one’s principles. As in chess, one should not stoop lower than the floor and make forced moves. Coercion is not the way to live—the palliatives of work are more than enough. Life offers choice: one should always choose what comes naturally, what will not cause you to regret your own lack of willpower later in life. Only epidemics leave you no choice.”
‘He talks about faith. Faith should make people kinder. People should love their brethren. Two millennia have passed since Christ’s death, and people still haven’t learned to love one another. They haven’t truly grasped their kinship. Haven’t stopped hating one another, deceiving, and thieving. People haven’t stopped killing each other. Why can’t people stop killing each other? If it’s possible in one family, in one village, in one town, then isn’t it possible in one country at the very least?’
‘He wanted to live unencumbered, to enjoy life. It was largely because of this that he and his wife separated. He now repents his bad deeds. He spoke badly of the authorities. He wanted Russia to go to hell. He laughed at Russian people. He made fun of His Majesty. But he was never a criminal, he was a law-abiding citizen. He always paid his taxes on time.’
‘Laughter tormented them for some time. Eventually they stopped laughing, calmed down, shook their heads, began to chuckle, and once again dissolved into laughter. The doctor suffered from the giggles more than the others; it was the first time he had tried the pyramid product. He writhed on the felt floor; he squealed and sobbed; saliva sprayed from his mouth; his hands flapped; he whined; he turned his head back and forth, shook his finger at someone, exclaimed, lamented, and giggled, giggled, giggled. His nose turned red, like a drunk’s, and blood flowed into his trembling cheeks.’
‘The moon shone brightly. The fir trees stood around like part of a living Christmas card.’
“Ni hai huozhe ma?” one of the silhouettes asked, not sure whether the doctor was still alive.
“Wo kao!” The other man laughed.”
“Wo shi yisheng,” the doctor croaked in horrible Chinese. “Bangzhu … bangzhu … qing ban wo…”
“You’re a doctor? Don’t worry, we’ll help you.”
“Wo yisheng, wo shi yisheng…,” Platon Ilich rasped, his hand with the pince-nez trembling.”
‘Tears streamed down his cheeks, grown thin and covered with stubble over the last few days. He clutched his pince-nez and kept shaking it, shaking and shaking, as though conducting some unseen orchestra of grief—The horses, already tossed about in the dark of the sack, had urinated on themselves and finally managed to calm down; now they just grunted and snorted.’
‘A lilac-colored five-ruble bill disappeared into the drivers’ anemic fingers with the crunch of a smashed beetle. Turning away, Alexis took a few steps and fell into the brazen paws of the late October wind. Behind him, motor rumbled and tires squealed. ‘—there is truly nothing more disgusting than our Russian off-season,’ Alexis thought—It was gloomy, cold, and deserted all around him: on his left were the gray curves of roundabouts with their mud-spattered billboards, on his right the apricot jam of the sunset cooled between two forty-story buildings—Alexis continued onwards—.’
‘It’s always pleasant to recall one's childhood. We lived in Bykovo. An area filled with dachas. Pines. The aerodrome. I remember I first saw it when I was three and it was frightening and difficult to make out what was what—what was sky and what were sheets of duralumin shining in the sun. And everything was roaring so much that the earth shook—We lived in a two-story building with a boiler room in the basement, an attic upstairs, and spring flowed from the rooftops, meter-long icicles hanging down, and the tenants cleaning off the snow while suspended from ropes. The courtyard was big, but the other five buildings were one-story. There were communal apartments in them. And many children. And a lot of interesting spaces: a garbage can in one corner of the courtyard, roofs, sheds, an elderberry tree, and it buttressed the sheds, and in the sheds: “sheds are the tombs of various junk” —Vegetable gardens were divided in a fair way, in a popular way, and everything that could grow grew there—carrots, onions, turnips, radishes, tomatoes, flowers, dahlias, gladioli. And in the summer—a hammock betwixt the pines. The pines were tall and creaky and the ground was soft with needles.’