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WORDS THAT CHANGE MINDS: MASTERING THE LANGUAGE OF INFLUENCE
Words that Change Minds is based on the Language and Behavior Profile (LAB Profile); an easy to learn tool which illustrates how each person is unique. The LAB Profile will enable you to understand and predict from someone's language in everyday conversation, how he or she will behave in a given situation. You will learn to customize your language to change people's minds.
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First published July 1, 1995
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About the author
Shelle Rose Charvet
28 books50 followersShelle Rose Charvet is a bestselling author and the international expert on Influencing Language. Her first book, “Words That Change Minds” is an international bestseller, available in 15 languages.
Shelle has been researching and teaching for over 35 years and she is known for her advanced techniques used to enhance rapport, trust, credibility, and influence. Her methods enable people to prevent conflicts, avoid stalemates in sales, successfully run high-stakes negotiations and presentations to help everyone get what they need.
Organizations in over 30 countries worldwide call on her expertise on the hidden subconscious communication processes: what drives people to do (or not do) things, outside of their awareness.
She founded the Institute for Influence and created programs for women managers and leaders that they can do both individually and in teams.
Shelle has been researching and teaching for over 35 years and she is known for her advanced techniques used to enhance rapport, trust, credibility, and influence. Her methods enable people to prevent conflicts, avoid stalemates in sales, successfully run high-stakes negotiations and presentations to help everyone get what they need.
Organizations in over 30 countries worldwide call on her expertise on the hidden subconscious communication processes: what drives people to do (or not do) things, outside of their awareness.
She founded the Institute for Influence and created programs for women managers and leaders that they can do both individually and in teams.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 155 reviews
September 13, 2022
The book is useful for both sides... the ones who want to master their language and the ones who want to perfect their listening, observation and interpretation skills. The examples are relevant and useful, even today. The book has been written in an interesting way. Do read it if you need to learn the language to one level up.
February 24, 2021
If I have to write a simplistic summary of the book, it would be..
In any conversation:
1. Listen to and observe the other person
2. Empathize with them
3. Respond thoughtfully in a suitable manner
The whole book is about different ways to execute the above three steps based on the profile of the person we are interacting with. There are a few interesting and helpful suggestions and strategies, but the book itself is not really interesting to read.
In any conversation:
1. Listen to and observe the other person
2. Empathize with them
3. Respond thoughtfully in a suitable manner
The whole book is about different ways to execute the above three steps based on the profile of the person we are interacting with. There are a few interesting and helpful suggestions and strategies, but the book itself is not really interesting to read.
September 21, 2008
Get this book. Go order it; this review will wait.
Now, what did you just spend money on....
Oh, either sign up for one of Charvet's classes (I haven't taken any, but I hear very good things) or get her tapes (the book is better than the tapes, but she has a very, very great voice :-)
This book is the best published material on metaprograms and it's organized around Roger Bailey's research that formed the LAB Profile. So, what are metaprograms, what is the LAB Profile, and why do you care? We finally have enough terms out there to review the book :-)
Bailey's LAB Profile (LAB = Language And Behavior) is a series of questions and observations to elicit 13 specific metaprograms from someone. These 13 are chosen to be easy to elicit conversationally (you don't need a white coat and a clipboard, you just ask natural questions) and to have useful application in the business world. By no coincidence whatsoever, they are also invaluable in personal life.
"Metaprogram" is the name NLP uses for common "filters" we all apply in everyday life. The LAB Profile looks specifically for metaprograms that indicate a person's motivation style and working style.
The LAB motivation style questions are easy to ask in an interview or in casual conversation with people and are the sorts of questions you already ask and care about; the LAB training gives you a way to understand and organize the results.
In the LAB profile, you almost always want to pay attention to the structure of their answer instead of the content.
For example, if you know a programmer finds "performance" very important in their code, the question "Why is performance important?" is entirely natural. The LAB profile gives you a way to organize their answer: are they motivating towards something ("Because that means the user can get work done faster") or away from something ("Because otherwise the system slows down and becomes unusable"). This is an example of the kind of "filter" the LAB profile elicits.
Knowing (some subset of) the 6 motivation traits for someone help you speak to them in a way that motivates them. It also lets you understand them when they talk about why they do, did, or want to do something. These are especially useful if someone motivates in a way that is very different from you.
The working traits give you an idea of how someone filters their experience while working. This can help you give someone a task that they will do well (or hire someone who will fit well with a position), it can help you instruct someone to do something in way that appeals to them, and it can help you understand the results someone gets.
An example of a working trait elicitation would be to ask both "What is a good way for you to increase your success at work?" and "What is a good way for someone else to increase their success at work?" The structure of the two answers tells you whose rules they expect someone to follow:
- if they have rules for themselves and rules for other people
- if they have rules for themselves but don't care about where other people get their rules
- if they don't have their own rules for themselves (for example, they follow rules they got from an expert or the company) but they have rules they expect others to follow
- if they have rules for themselves and expect other people to have their own rules.
Knowing this helps you understand how that person works in a team, what kind of instruction they need to receive, and what they expect from their coworkers. Knowing the rule structure of two people helps mediate between them and facilitate their working together.
Most of the traits are on a scale. You can motivate a little bit "towards" while motivating mostly "away," in fact, very few people are all the way in one direction on any trait. Also, LAB profile traits are contextual; someone may have a very different motivation style at home with their spouse and kids than they do at the office. Knowing this is especially useful when you work with a personal friend (or become friends with a coworker).
The motivation traits in the book are:
- Level (how proactive or reactive they are when they motivate)
- Criteria (what qualities are most important to them in the context)
- Direction (towards success or away from failure)
- Source (are they motivated by internal pressure or by the response they get from other people)
- Reason (do they prefer to have a process to follow or do they prefer to have many choices)
- Decision Factors (do they tend to see the similarities in things or the differences)
The working traits are:
- Scope (do they focus on details and sequence or do they see the big picture and take things in a random order)
- Attention Direction (is their attention focused on their inner experience while working or on other people)
- Stress Response (when things get very bad, do they instinctively respond with feelings, with thoughts, or do they have vacillate between them)
- Style (do they prefer to work alone, on a team of equals, or with others around who are either not directly involved or are under their command)
- Organization (in a complex situation, do they focus on the people, the locations, the information or ideas, the activities involved, or the physical and metaphorical things)
- Rule Structure (whose rules do they expect to follow and whose rules, if any, do they expect other people to follow)
- Convincer (what kind of experience do they need to be convinced of something and how does that experience have to repeat or last to finally convince)
There are other items sometimes added to the LAB profile (for example, temporal traits, about how the person handles time) but the basic (and most important) 13 are covered in the book.
If you do anything with people--lead a team, interview, have a family, or even just walk out your door now and then--this is a good, readable book that you'll get something out of. You don't need to master the whole profile for it to be useful. Just one concept that interests you can make a huge difference in your effectiveness and quality of life.
Now, what did you just spend money on....
Oh, either sign up for one of Charvet's classes (I haven't taken any, but I hear very good things) or get her tapes (the book is better than the tapes, but she has a very, very great voice :-)
This book is the best published material on metaprograms and it's organized around Roger Bailey's research that formed the LAB Profile. So, what are metaprograms, what is the LAB Profile, and why do you care? We finally have enough terms out there to review the book :-)
Bailey's LAB Profile (LAB = Language And Behavior) is a series of questions and observations to elicit 13 specific metaprograms from someone. These 13 are chosen to be easy to elicit conversationally (you don't need a white coat and a clipboard, you just ask natural questions) and to have useful application in the business world. By no coincidence whatsoever, they are also invaluable in personal life.
"Metaprogram" is the name NLP uses for common "filters" we all apply in everyday life. The LAB Profile looks specifically for metaprograms that indicate a person's motivation style and working style.
The LAB motivation style questions are easy to ask in an interview or in casual conversation with people and are the sorts of questions you already ask and care about; the LAB training gives you a way to understand and organize the results.
In the LAB profile, you almost always want to pay attention to the structure of their answer instead of the content.
For example, if you know a programmer finds "performance" very important in their code, the question "Why is performance important?" is entirely natural. The LAB profile gives you a way to organize their answer: are they motivating towards something ("Because that means the user can get work done faster") or away from something ("Because otherwise the system slows down and becomes unusable"). This is an example of the kind of "filter" the LAB profile elicits.
Knowing (some subset of) the 6 motivation traits for someone help you speak to them in a way that motivates them. It also lets you understand them when they talk about why they do, did, or want to do something. These are especially useful if someone motivates in a way that is very different from you.
The working traits give you an idea of how someone filters their experience while working. This can help you give someone a task that they will do well (or hire someone who will fit well with a position), it can help you instruct someone to do something in way that appeals to them, and it can help you understand the results someone gets.
An example of a working trait elicitation would be to ask both "What is a good way for you to increase your success at work?" and "What is a good way for someone else to increase their success at work?" The structure of the two answers tells you whose rules they expect someone to follow:
- if they have rules for themselves and rules for other people
- if they have rules for themselves but don't care about where other people get their rules
- if they don't have their own rules for themselves (for example, they follow rules they got from an expert or the company) but they have rules they expect others to follow
- if they have rules for themselves and expect other people to have their own rules.
Knowing this helps you understand how that person works in a team, what kind of instruction they need to receive, and what they expect from their coworkers. Knowing the rule structure of two people helps mediate between them and facilitate their working together.
Most of the traits are on a scale. You can motivate a little bit "towards" while motivating mostly "away," in fact, very few people are all the way in one direction on any trait. Also, LAB profile traits are contextual; someone may have a very different motivation style at home with their spouse and kids than they do at the office. Knowing this is especially useful when you work with a personal friend (or become friends with a coworker).
The motivation traits in the book are:
- Level (how proactive or reactive they are when they motivate)
- Criteria (what qualities are most important to them in the context)
- Direction (towards success or away from failure)
- Source (are they motivated by internal pressure or by the response they get from other people)
- Reason (do they prefer to have a process to follow or do they prefer to have many choices)
- Decision Factors (do they tend to see the similarities in things or the differences)
The working traits are:
- Scope (do they focus on details and sequence or do they see the big picture and take things in a random order)
- Attention Direction (is their attention focused on their inner experience while working or on other people)
- Stress Response (when things get very bad, do they instinctively respond with feelings, with thoughts, or do they have vacillate between them)
- Style (do they prefer to work alone, on a team of equals, or with others around who are either not directly involved or are under their command)
- Organization (in a complex situation, do they focus on the people, the locations, the information or ideas, the activities involved, or the physical and metaphorical things)
- Rule Structure (whose rules do they expect to follow and whose rules, if any, do they expect other people to follow)
- Convincer (what kind of experience do they need to be convinced of something and how does that experience have to repeat or last to finally convince)
There are other items sometimes added to the LAB profile (for example, temporal traits, about how the person handles time) but the basic (and most important) 13 are covered in the book.
If you do anything with people--lead a team, interview, have a family, or even just walk out your door now and then--this is a good, readable book that you'll get something out of. You don't need to master the whole profile for it to be useful. Just one concept that interests you can make a huge difference in your effectiveness and quality of life.
June 20, 2012
Nothing is more frustrating than finding yourself misunderstood by someone with whom you are communicating. Billions of dollars spent by business trying to fix up miscommunications, misunderstandings, so that projects can move forward.
Research has shown how people respond to words, and how they process what they hear. Shelle Charvet, a Canadian, has taken that research and shown how words impact those who listen to us. By understanding how people receive communications, we can can change the way we say things so that the receiver better understands what it is we are trying to communicate.
There are fourteen criteria broken up into two groups, Motivation Traits and Working Traits. They cover key issues for anyone communicating ideas, from salesmen to preachers, from office managers to parents at home. I am one of 3% of the population who prefers to receive written communication from which I make decisions. Telesales staff or a direct sales person trying to get a commitment our of me from their verbal conversation is a near waste of their time and mine. Had they read this book, they'd know what to do to improve their chances of making a sale to me. Preachers who preach a message once miss out on those who need to hear it several times before they will take action.
And the key that Shelle opens is that by asking some basic questions, people will actually tell us how they prefer to communicate, and under what conditions. So this book identifies the traits, then shows you which questions to ask to get the best outcome at each point.
It has another another use other than just communication. I found this material very helpful when conducting interviews for senior executive staff, because understanding how the applications would meet the needs of the position gave me a better chance of selecting someone whose motivation traits and working traits best matched the needs of the position.
This is one of the most helpful and practical books on working with people I've come across. Try it, I think you'll like it.
Research has shown how people respond to words, and how they process what they hear. Shelle Charvet, a Canadian, has taken that research and shown how words impact those who listen to us. By understanding how people receive communications, we can can change the way we say things so that the receiver better understands what it is we are trying to communicate.
There are fourteen criteria broken up into two groups, Motivation Traits and Working Traits. They cover key issues for anyone communicating ideas, from salesmen to preachers, from office managers to parents at home. I am one of 3% of the population who prefers to receive written communication from which I make decisions. Telesales staff or a direct sales person trying to get a commitment our of me from their verbal conversation is a near waste of their time and mine. Had they read this book, they'd know what to do to improve their chances of making a sale to me. Preachers who preach a message once miss out on those who need to hear it several times before they will take action.
And the key that Shelle opens is that by asking some basic questions, people will actually tell us how they prefer to communicate, and under what conditions. So this book identifies the traits, then shows you which questions to ask to get the best outcome at each point.
It has another another use other than just communication. I found this material very helpful when conducting interviews for senior executive staff, because understanding how the applications would meet the needs of the position gave me a better chance of selecting someone whose motivation traits and working traits best matched the needs of the position.
This is one of the most helpful and practical books on working with people I've come across. Try it, I think you'll like it.
August 26, 2018
For those who wants to venture in NLP, this book is an important read!!!
From our daily language and behaviors, the author and her team has shown us 16 patterns that trigger motivation of a person, maintain their interests and show us how they behave in certain Contexts.
Then, the book gives us how to say and what to say in order to convince a person.
Most of other books in communication are the end-result, how to say it.
This book digs deep to the source, the reason, why to say it.
I tried changing my speaking patterns based on the suggestion in the book and managed to convince some of my colleagues.
From our daily language and behaviors, the author and her team has shown us 16 patterns that trigger motivation of a person, maintain their interests and show us how they behave in certain Contexts.
Then, the book gives us how to say and what to say in order to convince a person.
Most of other books in communication are the end-result, how to say it.
This book digs deep to the source, the reason, why to say it.
I tried changing my speaking patterns based on the suggestion in the book and managed to convince some of my colleagues.
December 22, 2011
This book is a must-read for any professional or executive coach. It provides an excellent background on "language and behavior patterns." The book is very well-written, but it is more of a text book. I used for my study in strategic inquiry. One criticism, or observation, is the lack of sourcing, which is odd given that this is a text book. Still, I would recommend this book for anyone interested in communication studies.
November 13, 2020
Ca sa fim in clar: nu e o lectura, ci un manual. M-am simtit ca in facultate cand trebuia sa tocesc pentru o materie care stiam ca nu-mi va fi de mare folos. Aceasta o recomand (in special) managerilor de resurse umane (eu luncrand in marketing). O combinatie de NLP (subiect despre care mi-am scris lucrarea de dimploma de 200 de pagini - deci nu-mi era tocmai "strain") si alte scheme mentale. "N" tipologii si segmentari. 2 luni mi-a luat sa o termin (din spirit masochist, ca eu am un principiu de trebuie sa termin orice am inceput) si cred ca ar mai trebui sa o citesc de 2 ori, apoi sa o pun in practica cu pixul in mana, apoi sa o mai citesc odata... Transformat in curs online cu exemple practice/studii de caz ar avea mult mai multe sanse.
April 10, 2015
An easy read. I recommend this book because the instructions are brief, to the point, and the summaries at the end of each chapter are easy to memorize.
Keep in mind that this book is for the work environment. If you would like to read this book because you think it will help you build rapport in, say, your (purely) social circles, I believe it won't be any good. I mean, you can use the techniques to influence the person you just met at the bar, but influencing is not necessarily the same as building rapport.
Keep in mind that this book is for the work environment. If you would like to read this book because you think it will help you build rapport in, say, your (purely) social circles, I believe it won't be any good. I mean, you can use the techniques to influence the person you just met at the bar, but influencing is not necessarily the same as building rapport.
December 28, 2019
Not as expected
I read 30% of the book and didn’t see why I should continue. The plot isn’t bad but there are no actual examples of what could be said in certain situations, which makes it sound like “guess yourself”. Unless they’re given somewhere at the end of the book... Someone might find it helpful if they’re looking for something different than me.
I read 30% of the book and didn’t see why I should continue. The plot isn’t bad but there are no actual examples of what could be said in certain situations, which makes it sound like “guess yourself”. Unless they’re given somewhere at the end of the book... Someone might find it helpful if they’re looking for something different than me.
May 16, 2021
For me this book presents a considerable amount of new information, very well structured, presented in not too many words and i particularly liked the fact that the types were categorized and at the end of each part you have a very helpful and concise summary. I will have to read it again to be sure I remember all the aspects.
March 29, 2020
A bit like a textbook
Although it’s written in a lighthearted enough way it understandably does read like a textbook as the detail of the LAB need explaining in detail. So lots of checklists, definitions and examples and forms and templates.
Although it’s written in a lighthearted enough way it understandably does read like a textbook as the detail of the LAB need explaining in detail. So lots of checklists, definitions and examples and forms and templates.
August 7, 2020
Read this as part of a coaching course. I will definitely be dipping into this book again when I have the opportunity to use the techniques and approach covered.
Lots of examples, practical advice and resources as well as a way to gain more insight in coaching conversations.
Lots of examples, practical advice and resources as well as a way to gain more insight in coaching conversations.
October 31, 2018
Very useful but difficult to read
July 26, 2020
Informative but hard to read (like a textbook).
Summary
LEVEL: Does the person take the initiative or wait for others?
• Proactive: Acts with little or no consideration. Motivated by doing.
• Reactive: Motivated to wait, analyze, consider and react.
CRITERIA: These words are a person's labels for goodness, rightness, and appropriateness in a given context. They incite a positive physical and emotional reaction.
DIRECTION: Is a person's motivational energy centered on goals or problems to be dealt with or avoided?
• Toward: They are motivated to achieve or attain goals. They may have trouble recognizing problems. They are good at managing priorities.
• Away From: They focus on what may be and is going wrong. They are motivated to solve problems and have trouble keeping focused on goals.
SOURCE: Does the person stay motivated by judgments from external sources or by using their own internal standards?
• Internal: They decide based on their own internal standards. They like to evaluate outside information by judging it against their own standards.
• External: They need outside feedback to know how well they are doing. They are motivated by impact, feedback and results.
REASON: Does the person continually look for alternatives or prefer to follow established procedures?
• Options: They are compelled to develop and create procedures and systems and like to bend or break rules. They may have difficulty following set procedures.
• Procedures: They prefer to follow the right step-by-step process and once started are motivated to complete. They may get stuck when they have no procedure to follow.
DECISION FACTORS: How does a person react to change, and what frequency of change do they need?
• Sameness: They are motivated when things stay the same. They will provoke change about every 15 to 25 years.
• Sameness with Exception: They prefer situations to evolve slowly over time. They want major change every 5 to 7 years.
• Difference: They want change to be constant and drastic. Major change every 1 to 2 years. Difference and Sameness with Exception: They like both evolution and revolution. Major change averages every 3 years.
SCOPE: How large a picture is the person able to work with?
• Specific: Details and sequences. They tend not to see the overview.
• General: Overview, big picture. Can handle details for short periods.
ATTENTION DIRECTION: Does the person pay attention to the nonverbal behavior of others or attend to their own internal experience?
• Self: Attends to own experience. Doesn't notice others' behavior or voice tone.
• Other: Has Automatic reflex responses to nonverbal behavior.
STRESS RESPONSE: How does a person react to the normal stresses of a given Context?
• Feeling: Emotional responses to normal levels of stress. Stays in feelings. Not suited for high-stress work.
• Choice: Can move in and out of feelings voluntarily. Good at empathy.
• Thinking: Does not go into feelings at normal levels of stress. Less apt to establish rapport or show empathy.
STYLE: What kind of human environment allows the person to be most productive?
• Independent: Alone with sole responsibility.
• Proximity: In control of own territory with others around.
• Cooperative: Together with others in a team, sharing responsibility.
ORGANIZATION: Does the person concentrate more on people, thoughts, feelings and experiences or on tasks, ideas, systems, or tools?
• Person: Centered on people, relationships, feelings experiences and thoughts. They become the task.
• Thing: Centered on tasks, systems, ideas, tools. Getting the job done is the most important thing.
RULE STRUCTURE: Does a person have rules for themselves and others?
• My/My: My rules for me. My rules for you. Able to tell others what they expect.
• My/.: My rules for me. I don't care about you.
• No/My: Don't know rules for me. My rules for you. Typical middle management Pattern.
• My/Your: My rules for me. Your rules for you. Can see both perspectives but hesitant to tell others what to do.
CONVINCER CHANNEL: What type of information does a person need to start the process of getting convinced about something?
• See: See evidence.
• Hear: Oral presentation or hear something.
• Read: Read a report.
• Do: Do something. CONVINCER MODE: What has to happen to the information or evidence previously gathered to make a person become "convinced" of something?
• Number of Examples: They need to have the data a certain number of times to be convinced.
• Automatic: They take a small amount of information and get convinced immediately based on what they extrapolate. They hardly ever change their minds.
• Consistent: They are never completely convinced. Every day is a new day and they need to get reconvinced.
• Period of time: They need to gather information for a certain duration before their conviction is triggered.
Motivation Patterns
• LEVEL
○ Proactive: do it; go for it; jump in; now; get it done; don't wait
○ Reactive: understand; think about; wait; analyze; consider; might; could; would; the important thing is to…
• DIRECTION
○ Toward: the benefits are; attain; obtain; have; get; include; this would achieve Away From: avoid; steer clear of; not have; get rid of; exclude; get
○ Away From, not have to worry about
• SOURCE
○ External: so-and-so thinks; the impact will be; the feedback you'll get; the approval you'll get; others will notice; give references; results will show you
○ Internal: only you can decide; you know it's up to you; what do you think; you might want to consider, I wanted to run something by you to get your input
• REASON
○ Options: break the rules just for them; opportunity; here are the choices; options; alternatives; possibilities, what else
○ Procedures: speak in procedures: first; then; after which; the right way; here's how to do it; tried and true; tell them about the procedures they will get to use, first step
• DECISION FACTORS
○ Sameness: same as; in common; as you always do; like before; unchanged; as you know, we've always done this
○ Sameness with Exception: more; better; less; same except; evolving; progress; gradual improvement; develop
○ Difference: new; totally different; completely changed; switch; shift; unique; revolutionary; brand new; one of a kind
○ Sameness with Exception and Difference: it's better and quite new; the new improvements; a unique development; new upgrade
Productivity Patterns
• SCOPE
○ Specific: exactly; precisely; specifically (and give lots of details in sequence)
○ General: the big picture; essentially; the important thing is; in general; concepts
• ATTENTION DIRECTION
○ Self: (keep communication focused on the content and use Language for Internals; only you can decide; would you like to see the report, so you can decide; what is important to you; since X is important, I suggest
○ Other: (influenced by the depth of rapport, so mirror and match their nonverbal behavior; Since X is important.... (check for agreement), then....; you can be comfortable with this; look over here (point to something)
• STRESS RESPONSE
○ Feeling: it's a major event; intense experience and you don't forget it; exciting; mind-boggling; wonderful
○ Choice: empathy; appropriate; makes good sense and feels right Thinking: clear thinking; logical; rational; cold reality; hard facts; statistics
• STYLE
○ Independent: do it alone; by yourself; you alone; without interruption; total responsibility and control
○ Proximity: you'll be in charge with others involved; you'll direct; lead; your responsibility is X; theirs is Y; this is your project and coordinate with X Cooperative: us; we; together, all of us; team; group; share responsibility; do it together; let's
• ORGANIZATION
○ Person: (use people's names); our relationship will be; what are your thoughts; it will feel good; people like this; our people need this; the folks will be impacted
○ Thing: things; systems; process; task; the job is; goal; organization; company; accomplishments, results RULE
• STRUCTURE
○ My/My: you know what you want; when it's clear to you; what goes for the goose goes for the gander; the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.
○ My/.: (use Language for Internals) only you can decide; here's a suggestion; this may be in your best interests.
○ No/My: (can use Language for Externals) even if you aren't sure; this is what to do; here is how to handle that; what would someone else do in the situation?
○ My/Your: different strokes for different folks; not everyone is the same; each to his own; you will need to work out what is best for each party.
• CONVINCER CHANNEL
○ See: see this; take a look; it's pretty clear; the light at the end of the tunnel; writing on the wall
○ Hear: here's what they are saying; the online chatter; rumor has it; something to cheer about
○ Read: I read this; I can send you some documentation on this; you can read about it; the report says; review the literature
○ Do: let's work this out; try it on for size; feel them out; get a grip on this; let's work with it
• CONVINCER MODE
○ Number of Examples: (use their number); 3 times is a charm, twice should do it, look this over 2 or 3 times; would you like to see another example
○ Automatic: assume; benefit of the doubt, you'll right away; as soon as you see it, you'll know
○ Consistent: try it; each time you use it; daily; every time; consistent; each and every time Period of Time: (match period of time); it changes over time; in a couple of weeks; you will eventually know; after all this time, it will be alright;
Summary
LEVEL: Does the person take the initiative or wait for others?
• Proactive: Acts with little or no consideration. Motivated by doing.
• Reactive: Motivated to wait, analyze, consider and react.
CRITERIA: These words are a person's labels for goodness, rightness, and appropriateness in a given context. They incite a positive physical and emotional reaction.
DIRECTION: Is a person's motivational energy centered on goals or problems to be dealt with or avoided?
• Toward: They are motivated to achieve or attain goals. They may have trouble recognizing problems. They are good at managing priorities.
• Away From: They focus on what may be and is going wrong. They are motivated to solve problems and have trouble keeping focused on goals.
SOURCE: Does the person stay motivated by judgments from external sources or by using their own internal standards?
• Internal: They decide based on their own internal standards. They like to evaluate outside information by judging it against their own standards.
• External: They need outside feedback to know how well they are doing. They are motivated by impact, feedback and results.
REASON: Does the person continually look for alternatives or prefer to follow established procedures?
• Options: They are compelled to develop and create procedures and systems and like to bend or break rules. They may have difficulty following set procedures.
• Procedures: They prefer to follow the right step-by-step process and once started are motivated to complete. They may get stuck when they have no procedure to follow.
DECISION FACTORS: How does a person react to change, and what frequency of change do they need?
• Sameness: They are motivated when things stay the same. They will provoke change about every 15 to 25 years.
• Sameness with Exception: They prefer situations to evolve slowly over time. They want major change every 5 to 7 years.
• Difference: They want change to be constant and drastic. Major change every 1 to 2 years. Difference and Sameness with Exception: They like both evolution and revolution. Major change averages every 3 years.
SCOPE: How large a picture is the person able to work with?
• Specific: Details and sequences. They tend not to see the overview.
• General: Overview, big picture. Can handle details for short periods.
ATTENTION DIRECTION: Does the person pay attention to the nonverbal behavior of others or attend to their own internal experience?
• Self: Attends to own experience. Doesn't notice others' behavior or voice tone.
• Other: Has Automatic reflex responses to nonverbal behavior.
STRESS RESPONSE: How does a person react to the normal stresses of a given Context?
• Feeling: Emotional responses to normal levels of stress. Stays in feelings. Not suited for high-stress work.
• Choice: Can move in and out of feelings voluntarily. Good at empathy.
• Thinking: Does not go into feelings at normal levels of stress. Less apt to establish rapport or show empathy.
STYLE: What kind of human environment allows the person to be most productive?
• Independent: Alone with sole responsibility.
• Proximity: In control of own territory with others around.
• Cooperative: Together with others in a team, sharing responsibility.
ORGANIZATION: Does the person concentrate more on people, thoughts, feelings and experiences or on tasks, ideas, systems, or tools?
• Person: Centered on people, relationships, feelings experiences and thoughts. They become the task.
• Thing: Centered on tasks, systems, ideas, tools. Getting the job done is the most important thing.
RULE STRUCTURE: Does a person have rules for themselves and others?
• My/My: My rules for me. My rules for you. Able to tell others what they expect.
• My/.: My rules for me. I don't care about you.
• No/My: Don't know rules for me. My rules for you. Typical middle management Pattern.
• My/Your: My rules for me. Your rules for you. Can see both perspectives but hesitant to tell others what to do.
CONVINCER CHANNEL: What type of information does a person need to start the process of getting convinced about something?
• See: See evidence.
• Hear: Oral presentation or hear something.
• Read: Read a report.
• Do: Do something. CONVINCER MODE: What has to happen to the information or evidence previously gathered to make a person become "convinced" of something?
• Number of Examples: They need to have the data a certain number of times to be convinced.
• Automatic: They take a small amount of information and get convinced immediately based on what they extrapolate. They hardly ever change their minds.
• Consistent: They are never completely convinced. Every day is a new day and they need to get reconvinced.
• Period of time: They need to gather information for a certain duration before their conviction is triggered.
Motivation Patterns
• LEVEL
○ Proactive: do it; go for it; jump in; now; get it done; don't wait
○ Reactive: understand; think about; wait; analyze; consider; might; could; would; the important thing is to…
• DIRECTION
○ Toward: the benefits are; attain; obtain; have; get; include; this would achieve Away From: avoid; steer clear of; not have; get rid of; exclude; get
○ Away From, not have to worry about
• SOURCE
○ External: so-and-so thinks; the impact will be; the feedback you'll get; the approval you'll get; others will notice; give references; results will show you
○ Internal: only you can decide; you know it's up to you; what do you think; you might want to consider, I wanted to run something by you to get your input
• REASON
○ Options: break the rules just for them; opportunity; here are the choices; options; alternatives; possibilities, what else
○ Procedures: speak in procedures: first; then; after which; the right way; here's how to do it; tried and true; tell them about the procedures they will get to use, first step
• DECISION FACTORS
○ Sameness: same as; in common; as you always do; like before; unchanged; as you know, we've always done this
○ Sameness with Exception: more; better; less; same except; evolving; progress; gradual improvement; develop
○ Difference: new; totally different; completely changed; switch; shift; unique; revolutionary; brand new; one of a kind
○ Sameness with Exception and Difference: it's better and quite new; the new improvements; a unique development; new upgrade
Productivity Patterns
• SCOPE
○ Specific: exactly; precisely; specifically (and give lots of details in sequence)
○ General: the big picture; essentially; the important thing is; in general; concepts
• ATTENTION DIRECTION
○ Self: (keep communication focused on the content and use Language for Internals; only you can decide; would you like to see the report, so you can decide; what is important to you; since X is important, I suggest
○ Other: (influenced by the depth of rapport, so mirror and match their nonverbal behavior; Since X is important.... (check for agreement), then....; you can be comfortable with this; look over here (point to something)
• STRESS RESPONSE
○ Feeling: it's a major event; intense experience and you don't forget it; exciting; mind-boggling; wonderful
○ Choice: empathy; appropriate; makes good sense and feels right Thinking: clear thinking; logical; rational; cold reality; hard facts; statistics
• STYLE
○ Independent: do it alone; by yourself; you alone; without interruption; total responsibility and control
○ Proximity: you'll be in charge with others involved; you'll direct; lead; your responsibility is X; theirs is Y; this is your project and coordinate with X Cooperative: us; we; together, all of us; team; group; share responsibility; do it together; let's
• ORGANIZATION
○ Person: (use people's names); our relationship will be; what are your thoughts; it will feel good; people like this; our people need this; the folks will be impacted
○ Thing: things; systems; process; task; the job is; goal; organization; company; accomplishments, results RULE
• STRUCTURE
○ My/My: you know what you want; when it's clear to you; what goes for the goose goes for the gander; the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.
○ My/.: (use Language for Internals) only you can decide; here's a suggestion; this may be in your best interests.
○ No/My: (can use Language for Externals) even if you aren't sure; this is what to do; here is how to handle that; what would someone else do in the situation?
○ My/Your: different strokes for different folks; not everyone is the same; each to his own; you will need to work out what is best for each party.
• CONVINCER CHANNEL
○ See: see this; take a look; it's pretty clear; the light at the end of the tunnel; writing on the wall
○ Hear: here's what they are saying; the online chatter; rumor has it; something to cheer about
○ Read: I read this; I can send you some documentation on this; you can read about it; the report says; review the literature
○ Do: let's work this out; try it on for size; feel them out; get a grip on this; let's work with it
• CONVINCER MODE
○ Number of Examples: (use their number); 3 times is a charm, twice should do it, look this over 2 or 3 times; would you like to see another example
○ Automatic: assume; benefit of the doubt, you'll right away; as soon as you see it, you'll know
○ Consistent: try it; each time you use it; daily; every time; consistent; each and every time Period of Time: (match period of time); it changes over time; in a couple of weeks; you will eventually know; after all this time, it will be alright;
April 24, 2019
A detailed and hands-on look at the different patterns of behaviour that make up the Language And Behaviour (LAB) profile. Each pattern is explained, together with some guide questions that will allow you to determine how the participant fits against the profile. The patterns themselves are derived from NLP, and there has been some good work to establish that they are consistent within particular individuals in a particular context, and also that different interviewers will spot the same patterns in a person.
Understanding the patterns is very useful for a number of things. For example, if you're interviewing for a particular job, you could usefully think about the characteristics of the job - do you need a creative person, or one who follows processes very well, for example? Each of the patterns will help you think about the role, and give you some very useful questions to ask candidates. Or if you're selling a product face to face or online, thinking through the characteristics of your intended buyer will help you shape the language you use in the sales pitch. And I first came across the LAB profiles at work, where a consultant interviewed my management team and some of the staff and produced a very helpful set of profiles that allowed us to reshape the organisation to be much more effective.
As a particular example, some people are "towards" motivated, while others are "away" motivated. So when you ask someone why they did something in a particular context (e.g. why they took their current job), if they are "towards" motivated they might say "because of all the great opportunities this job offered", whereas if they were "away" motivated they might say "because my old boss was quite difficult and I didn't like the commute". Both are likely true, but people will focus on one or the other depending on their towards/away inclination in the work context. Some jobs require "away" motivation (health and safety), while others are more suited to "towards" (sales).
Overall this is a very useful practical guidebook more than a pop-psychology book. Having said which, it's hard to read the patterns and not think about where we might fit on them, and if you are reasonably insightful you'll make a pretty good guess! My only negative comment would be that I read my copy on a kindle, and the formatting was a bit screwy at times - lots of tables and text boxes, which didn't always come out perfectly. If I were to need to refer to this book a lot, I would likely buy a paper copy.
Full disclosure: I received a free ARC softcopy of this book. My comments and rating are accurately reflective of what I felt reading it.
Understanding the patterns is very useful for a number of things. For example, if you're interviewing for a particular job, you could usefully think about the characteristics of the job - do you need a creative person, or one who follows processes very well, for example? Each of the patterns will help you think about the role, and give you some very useful questions to ask candidates. Or if you're selling a product face to face or online, thinking through the characteristics of your intended buyer will help you shape the language you use in the sales pitch. And I first came across the LAB profiles at work, where a consultant interviewed my management team and some of the staff and produced a very helpful set of profiles that allowed us to reshape the organisation to be much more effective.
As a particular example, some people are "towards" motivated, while others are "away" motivated. So when you ask someone why they did something in a particular context (e.g. why they took their current job), if they are "towards" motivated they might say "because of all the great opportunities this job offered", whereas if they were "away" motivated they might say "because my old boss was quite difficult and I didn't like the commute". Both are likely true, but people will focus on one or the other depending on their towards/away inclination in the work context. Some jobs require "away" motivation (health and safety), while others are more suited to "towards" (sales).
Overall this is a very useful practical guidebook more than a pop-psychology book. Having said which, it's hard to read the patterns and not think about where we might fit on them, and if you are reasonably insightful you'll make a pretty good guess! My only negative comment would be that I read my copy on a kindle, and the formatting was a bit screwy at times - lots of tables and text boxes, which didn't always come out perfectly. If I were to need to refer to this book a lot, I would likely buy a paper copy.
Full disclosure: I received a free ARC softcopy of this book. My comments and rating are accurately reflective of what I felt reading it.
February 19, 2023
Yet another personal development type book that is a mixed bag for me.
It's worth a read for the parts about different motivation patterns and tailoring language based on these patterns. Some of the other sections around how we communicate effectively to certain groups but have to adjust when communicating to other audiences also offered a lot.
As with most of the personal development books I've read, there are some great points and insights here, but it's often hampered by filler sections that are so obvious they don't need to be written down or blatantly just repeats of an earlier section. Not to mention the steady smattering of advertisements for courses, training, quizzes, etc.
If you're interested in language and the ways it is adjusted during conversations, I'd recommend this. Just don't expect the actual book to be interesting or even well-crafted; it isn't.
2.5 stars
It's worth a read for the parts about different motivation patterns and tailoring language based on these patterns. Some of the other sections around how we communicate effectively to certain groups but have to adjust when communicating to other audiences also offered a lot.
As with most of the personal development books I've read, there are some great points and insights here, but it's often hampered by filler sections that are so obvious they don't need to be written down or blatantly just repeats of an earlier section. Not to mention the steady smattering of advertisements for courses, training, quizzes, etc.
If you're interested in language and the ways it is adjusted during conversations, I'd recommend this. Just don't expect the actual book to be interesting or even well-crafted; it isn't.
2.5 stars
June 26, 2021
Describes a framework and techniques for profiling and influencing others.
The book introduces several interesting concepts of profiling people. E.g. internal vs. external. People who are more internal, rely more on their own assessment of their work. People who are more external rely more on others for recognition or directions.
Other dimensions include ‘towards’ vs. ‘away from’, ‘people’ vs. ‘things’, etc,
My takeaway from the book is that by understanding a person’s profile in these dimensions, by observing how they communicate, one will be better able to build rapport and influence.
I’ve read that NLP has not been validated scientifically. Also, I found the book too long and difficult to finish. Nevertheless, there are a lot of good, handy heuristics in the book.
The book introduces several interesting concepts of profiling people. E.g. internal vs. external. People who are more internal, rely more on their own assessment of their work. People who are more external rely more on others for recognition or directions.
Other dimensions include ‘towards’ vs. ‘away from’, ‘people’ vs. ‘things’, etc,
My takeaway from the book is that by understanding a person’s profile in these dimensions, by observing how they communicate, one will be better able to build rapport and influence.
I’ve read that NLP has not been validated scientifically. Also, I found the book too long and difficult to finish. Nevertheless, there are a lot of good, handy heuristics in the book.
October 25, 2015
Shelle Rose Chervet inspired her book from Rodger Bailey's study of the 40 known meta languages humans use. In the LAB Profile are explained 14 of these traits: the Motivational and Working ones.
It is a helpful book because it makes you become aware of the behavior people around you have. More than this, you automatically become aware of your own behavior as in the relation to them, concluding not in persuading people, but rather adapting your behavior / language.
I can surely say that a lot of light was shed on my communication skills after reading this book, threrefore I recommend it to anyone who is having problems at the workplace / in the family, is in a position of constant communication with other or just wants to improve his language and behavioral skills.
It is a helpful book because it makes you become aware of the behavior people around you have. More than this, you automatically become aware of your own behavior as in the relation to them, concluding not in persuading people, but rather adapting your behavior / language.
I can surely say that a lot of light was shed on my communication skills after reading this book, threrefore I recommend it to anyone who is having problems at the workplace / in the family, is in a position of constant communication with other or just wants to improve his language and behavioral skills.
February 21, 2020
An ok read but very boring material
I enjoyed the idea of the all the different LAB profiles yet after getting through most of the material I found the information to be repetitive and monotonous. Also wasn’t too keen on the obvious political bias being forced into some of the chapters. It’s far reaching and politely unnecessary.
I enjoyed the idea of the all the different LAB profiles yet after getting through most of the material I found the information to be repetitive and monotonous. Also wasn’t too keen on the obvious political bias being forced into some of the chapters. It’s far reaching and politely unnecessary.
April 2, 2020
Cartea descrie tiparele unei persoane si cum pot fi ele recunoscute si utilizate atat in viata personala cat si cea profesionala. Fisele de la finalul fiecarui capitol te ajuta sa inveti cum sa pui intrebarile potrivite, pentru a identifica tiparul unei persoane.
January 11, 2023
O carte foarte utila celor ce lucreaza in domeniul vanzarilor si celor din Resurse Umane,insa nu doar lor ,ci tuturor celor dispusi sa se cunoasca mai bine pe ei insisi si sa relationeze intr -un mod cat mai bun cu cei din jur.
Totusi,este o carte care se citeste greoi si care contine multe detalii ce devin plictisitoare la un moment dat si greu de inteles si retinut. O recomand celor dornici sa invete propriu zis despre acest domeniu al Programarii Neurolingvistice.
M-a fascinat ideea generala, prezentata la.inceput,conform.careia:
"Fiecare persoana are un anumit nr.de filtre prin care lasa sa intre anumite parti ale lumii reale".
"Cu cele 3 filtre ,eliminarea,distorsiunea si generalizarea ,fiecare dintre noi isi creeaza propriul model al lumii."
Totusi,este o carte care se citeste greoi si care contine multe detalii ce devin plictisitoare la un moment dat si greu de inteles si retinut. O recomand celor dornici sa invete propriu zis despre acest domeniu al Programarii Neurolingvistice.
M-a fascinat ideea generala, prezentata la.inceput,conform.careia:
"Fiecare persoana are un anumit nr.de filtre prin care lasa sa intre anumite parti ale lumii reale".
"Cu cele 3 filtre ,eliminarea,distorsiunea si generalizarea ,fiecare dintre noi isi creeaza propriul model al lumii."
September 7, 2021
Brilliant book and easy to understand the concepts. However,I liked the shorter second part more for some reason, maybe the examples. I will definitely implement some of the ideas into my business, especially crafting successful marketing messages, as I run a marketing agency.
September 15, 2018
An eye-opener. Each of us deals with millions of pieces of information every day. In order to make sense of the world, and not go completely mad, we filter this information. This filter is based on our values, beliefs which are hard to change but also things called 'metaprograms' like how we see rules, whether we are self- motivated, or motivated by external feedback etc. Metaprograms can be different in different contexts eg. work, home, sport, and if they are not serving us we can change them.
This book outlines the practical uses for the Language and Behaviour Profile (LAB) tool - a conversation-based assessment of someone's metaprograms (motivators) in different contexts.
The premise of the books is that once you start to notice someone's motivators in a particular context you can tailor your language to them.
Car salespeople have been taught about the 'convincer' metaprogram for years. They now that people are either convinced by seeing, hearing, reading or doing and that they are convinced either after a few times, automatically, over time or never. The largest part of the population is convinced by seeing, 2-3 times. Thus a car salesperson will want to get you to the car lot to SEE the car; they will pay attention to your language to determine what extent you also need to hear about what others say about it, drive it (do) or read a brochure about it. They'd prefer you were an automatic buyer however they're likely to say "think it over and come back next weekend and we'll talk some more", they'll also call you during the week to check in.
An understanding of metaprograms are used in advertising, education and corporate communications. This is the book that helps you understand all of that so you can apply it yourself. The best bit is that there are no expensive tests, it's a simple case of asking questions and listening closely.
I like that this is a system that doesn't 'box' people in. It accepts that (a) your motivators can change over time and (b) that they can be different in different contexts.
Worth a read.
This book outlines the practical uses for the Language and Behaviour Profile (LAB) tool - a conversation-based assessment of someone's metaprograms (motivators) in different contexts.
The premise of the books is that once you start to notice someone's motivators in a particular context you can tailor your language to them.
Car salespeople have been taught about the 'convincer' metaprogram for years. They now that people are either convinced by seeing, hearing, reading or doing and that they are convinced either after a few times, automatically, over time or never. The largest part of the population is convinced by seeing, 2-3 times. Thus a car salesperson will want to get you to the car lot to SEE the car; they will pay attention to your language to determine what extent you also need to hear about what others say about it, drive it (do) or read a brochure about it. They'd prefer you were an automatic buyer however they're likely to say "think it over and come back next weekend and we'll talk some more", they'll also call you during the week to check in.
An understanding of metaprograms are used in advertising, education and corporate communications. This is the book that helps you understand all of that so you can apply it yourself. The best bit is that there are no expensive tests, it's a simple case of asking questions and listening closely.
I like that this is a system that doesn't 'box' people in. It accepts that (a) your motivators can change over time and (b) that they can be different in different contexts.
Worth a read.
November 6, 2022
Pretty fascinating, and in a lot of ways feels like a much more nuanced and scientifically based version of a personality test. Basically, how can you use how people talk within very specific contexts to understand how they are likely to act going into the near future? The book is a bit dry and a little overwhelming. Listening on audiobook it was definitely not feasible to grab and memorize each of the 14 patterns right away. However, it WAS interesting to think about how often we assume those we are talking to will think the way that we think. This gives you some idea of just what % of people (at least within a work context) think differently than you do. It helps reinforce and normalize the idea that when talking to someone else - your spouse, your team, your clients - it can be more important to take their perspective and use language that resonates with THEM, rather than focusing on just what makes the most sense to YOU.
August 30, 2020
The book has something pretty interesting ideas, but most of them were things you already know about how to judge the behaviorally characters of a person.
The book is essentially structured as, find out the personal traits (there are around 14 of them), and based on they traits you use to words which would persuade the person as you would wish.
It is a nice idea, but much more complicated in reality as people are rather complex layered to analyze based on just as few questions and their responses to it.
At some point book reads like a instruction manual, to find out LAB profile of the person and suggestions of words to use.
A 3.5 to be honest. I understand it is very hard to write good convincing books on such topics!!
The book is essentially structured as, find out the personal traits (there are around 14 of them), and based on they traits you use to words which would persuade the person as you would wish.
It is a nice idea, but much more complicated in reality as people are rather complex layered to analyze based on just as few questions and their responses to it.
At some point book reads like a instruction manual, to find out LAB profile of the person and suggestions of words to use.
A 3.5 to be honest. I understand it is very hard to write good convincing books on such topics!!
December 19, 2022
I really enjoyed this book on different patterns that people have when it comes to how they approach work, life, etc.
In particular, I noticed that my brother has a "Proactive" style and I have a "Reactive" one. He starts tasks without really thinking them through and just jumps into them. I like to take a step back and plan it out before going through with it.
Another interesting distinction was between "Move towards" and "Move Away" patterns. Doctors, for example, are mostly "Move Away" because they look to move you away from disease and health problems. A doctor usually doesn't think about holistic medicine or ask you about your health goals.
I will definitely review this book later to try to understand the schema better and use it more in my life. I feel it is very useful.
In particular, I noticed that my brother has a "Proactive" style and I have a "Reactive" one. He starts tasks without really thinking them through and just jumps into them. I like to take a step back and plan it out before going through with it.
Another interesting distinction was between "Move towards" and "Move Away" patterns. Doctors, for example, are mostly "Move Away" because they look to move you away from disease and health problems. A doctor usually doesn't think about holistic medicine or ask you about your health goals.
I will definitely review this book later to try to understand the schema better and use it more in my life. I feel it is very useful.
February 26, 2021
If I'm being honest, I was left feeling slightly underwhelmed by the book. I expected a lot from the book title but didn't leave thinking I've gained much value from it.
The book covers some good points and author spends a bit too much trying to pursuade the reader to buy services which her company offers.
The key takeaway I took was that there are mainly 3 interaction styles at work (independent, proximity and collaborative) which is good to know from a stakeholder management perspective.
The book covers some good points and author spends a bit too much trying to pursuade the reader to buy services which her company offers.
The key takeaway I took was that there are mainly 3 interaction styles at work (independent, proximity and collaborative) which is good to know from a stakeholder management perspective.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 6, 2012
the book is amazing .
it is really a joy to learn how to understand the people around you from their small actions and words ,, and this what is the book introduces .......
it helps you to READ the person in front of you without him even knowing that and to know specific things about his personality just from small words and simple body language !
and this can help you a lot in all community relationships especially in work .
it is really a joy to learn how to understand the people around you from their small actions and words ,, and this what is the book introduces .......
it helps you to READ the person in front of you without him even knowing that and to know specific things about his personality just from small words and simple body language !
and this can help you a lot in all community relationships especially in work .
March 2, 2019
Good introduction and beginning sections, albeit overly generalised and very assumptive.
The linking of different traits throughout can be very insightful and add some nice complexity to the situation, but toward the end this book just becomes rather convoluted.
Not the best, but this books has a very well-defined structure and purpose, gives some nice pointers to consider and is a good attempt to breakdown a temperamental subject.
The linking of different traits throughout can be very insightful and add some nice complexity to the situation, but toward the end this book just becomes rather convoluted.
Not the best, but this books has a very well-defined structure and purpose, gives some nice pointers to consider and is a good attempt to breakdown a temperamental subject.
April 16, 2014
As a preface, I do not read "self-help" books, but as this was required reading for my new job, it forced me to expand my literary horizons. I enjoyed the language tabs and how applicable it was to my life and my job, but I probably won't remember anything about it other than what I need to know for my job. It's interesting, but not necessarily day-to-day relevant for me.
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