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188 pages, Paperback
First published January 25, 2011
W., as usual, is reading about God. God and mathematics, that's all he's interested in. Somehow everything has to do with God, in whom W.'s not capable of believing, and mathematics, which W. is not capable of doing. And he's reading about God and mathematics in German, W. says, which means he doesn't really understand what he doesn't understand.
'When did you know?', W. says with great insistence. 'When did you know you weren't going to amount to anything? Did you know?', he asks, because sometimes he suspects I never did. Well he knows, at any rate, for both of us. (10)
"We're fated in some way. We're circling round and round what we cannot possibly understand. And isn't that why we're drawn to it? Isn't that the lure? You cannot understand this idea. You'll never understand it, not today, not tomorrow. But the day after that?, we ask. The day after tomorrow?
That's our faith. It's not faith in the Messiah, but that we might be brought into the vicinity of the idea of the Messiah; that a little of its light might reach us. The Messiah: isn't he forever beyond us, just beyond? We've always just missed him. We missed the appointment . . ." (180)
"I keep a mental list of W.'s favourite questions, which he constantly asks me so as to ask himself. –'At what point did you realize that you would amount to nothing?' ; 'When was it that you first became aware you would be nothing but a failure?'; 'When you look back at your life, what do you see?'; 'How is it that you know what greatness is, and that you will never, ever reach it?'"
'What does it mean to you that your life has amounted to nothing?, W. asks me with great seriousness. And then, 'Why have your friends never made you greater?' This is W.'s great fantasy, he admits: a group of friends who could make one another think. Do I make him think?, I ask him. –'No! The opposite! You're an idiot!'
Then: 'What do you consider to be your greatest weakness?' W. answers for me: 'Never having come to terms with your lack of ability. Because you haven't, have you? Have you?' (100-01)
"W. wonders whether we too have discovered the infinite in our own way. Our incessant chatter. Our incessant feeling of utter failure. Perhaps we live on our own version of the plain, W. muses. Am I the plain on which he is lost, or vice versa? But perhaps the plain is the friendship between us on which we are both lost, he says."
'"What did you do to those plants? Desecrate them?" and then, "What's hung over your washing line? What was it, before it started rotting?", and then, "Were those bin bags? My God, what have they become?"'
...read too much Heidegger, Spinoza, and Kierkegaard in your formative years which then caused all experiences from puberty onward to become internal debates, crises of consciousness, self-reflexive moments that forced you to pull a Hamlet and dwell in your head rather than enjoy life without over-thinking it like those who read, say, Judy Blume in lieu of Kafka.... well, then, you must hastily get your hands on a copy of this and begun reading your way through Iyer's trilogy tout de suite.
...have ever gotten drunk and thought that you were the Messiah.
...have ever gotten drunk and thought that your interlocutor was the Messiah.
...think that B��la Tarr is the Messiah.
...prefer your action rendered as "action" and thereafter rendered in Socratic dialogue, punctuated by ejaculations of "moor!" and "river!"
...think that we are in the end of days.
...are a fan of Derrida & co. and need a laughingly perverse bout of crying or a cryingly perverse bout of laughing.
...have a problem with damp in your flat and make not mountains out of molehills but allegories out of mold spores.
...admire your best friend more than yourself (as does he).