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Cold Turkey
If there were groups for this, I know exactly what I’d say. “My name is Thom Oliver, and I’m addicted. It’s been six months, 3 days, 14 hours since my last one night stand. Please keep Evan Llewellyn away from me. I think I’m going to rape him.”
Status: Complete
Word count: approx. 59,410
Status: Complete
Word count: approx. 59,410
178 pages, Online Publication
First published May 3, 2009
14 people are currently reading
510 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
October 21, 2015
oh god, please, no more, my guts is broke.
people read books for different reasons, but the notion that most of us read to escape is hardly radical.
my friend emma said of this book that "there's no HEA or HFN" but that she "liked to think there was."
i think there was.
i think it's obvious.
because the only thing missing between these two fuckheads is a conversation and their book ends with
they're clearly in love. they have demonstrated a complete inability to stay away from one another, no matter how vicious and relentless their power games get—and in real life, when all that's in your way is the silence your bad habits require, and you find a way to speak, instead of remaining silent...
i have to think—
i will always think it will turn out okay.
because i'm not a dude who loves casually, and i think that the man who finally loves me as un-casually as i love him would jump at the chance to listen.
to not hang up, like i have so many times.
***
i don't understand power games.
i know it's a particular fascination for people who feel powerless, and i also know that however powerless i have felt as a brown gay man in my life, i am still male, and american, and no longer subject to my bigoted, evangelical parents in the same way.
i don't have to deal with the fuckery every woman ever has had to deal with every single day.
i'm brown, and fat, and only 5'11", so i lose-out on jobs i'd get if the only deciding factor were my brain.
but that's not the same horseshit as i'd face as a woman.
so i understand fiction concerned with power, and the games people play to leverage it.
but i don't feel the same connection to it as other people appear to.
it's privilege.
i have had the privilege of not having had to deal with the powerlessness of the average woman who gets paid 75 percent of what the average man gets paid—to do the exact same job.
i've never had to live up to illogical and thus unattainable standards of purity; never had to defend my sexuality except inasmuch as i have to when people try to claim that condom politics and HIV neurosis affects everyone equally, and not gay dudes or africans or brown women in particular.
which is to say:
i don't have a fascination for power dynamics in the fiction i read.
only a horror for it.
***
yeah.
i just read the ending again.
i've been alone a long time, and there's no other way i can interpret that ending other than as the obvious and inevitable first step towards an HEA as preordained as it is hard-won.
this is a tough fic to get through, but not in the sense that it is hard to read. i completely inhaled it in a single sitting, and when i was done i immediately sat down to write this review.
it's honest. and insightful. and sometimes funny.
and the writing is often remarkably good.
i didn't love this, because it caused me pain.
but i was deeply impressed by it anyway.
it's real, even if it focuses on dynamics that are invisible to privileged dudey-dudes like me.
i may not play the same games, but you can be sure i want the same fucking prize.
people read books for different reasons, but the notion that most of us read to escape is hardly radical.
my friend emma said of this book that "there's no HEA or HFN" but that she "liked to think there was."
i think there was.
i think it's obvious.
because the only thing missing between these two fuckheads is a conversation and their book ends with
they're clearly in love. they have demonstrated a complete inability to stay away from one another, no matter how vicious and relentless their power games get—and in real life, when all that's in your way is the silence your bad habits require, and you find a way to speak, instead of remaining silent...
i have to think—
i will always think it will turn out okay.
because i'm not a dude who loves casually, and i think that the man who finally loves me as un-casually as i love him would jump at the chance to listen.
to not hang up, like i have so many times.
***
i don't understand power games.
i know it's a particular fascination for people who feel powerless, and i also know that however powerless i have felt as a brown gay man in my life, i am still male, and american, and no longer subject to my bigoted, evangelical parents in the same way.
i don't have to deal with the fuckery every woman ever has had to deal with every single day.
i'm brown, and fat, and only 5'11", so i lose-out on jobs i'd get if the only deciding factor were my brain.
but that's not the same horseshit as i'd face as a woman.
so i understand fiction concerned with power, and the games people play to leverage it.
but i don't feel the same connection to it as other people appear to.
it's privilege.
i have had the privilege of not having had to deal with the powerlessness of the average woman who gets paid 75 percent of what the average man gets paid—to do the exact same job.
i've never had to live up to illogical and thus unattainable standards of purity; never had to defend my sexuality except inasmuch as i have to when people try to claim that condom politics and HIV neurosis affects everyone equally, and not gay dudes or africans or brown women in particular.
which is to say:
i don't have a fascination for power dynamics in the fiction i read.
only a horror for it.
***
yeah.
i just read the ending again.
i've been alone a long time, and there's no other way i can interpret that ending other than as the obvious and inevitable first step towards an HEA as preordained as it is hard-won.
this is a tough fic to get through, but not in the sense that it is hard to read. i completely inhaled it in a single sitting, and when i was done i immediately sat down to write this review.
it's honest. and insightful. and sometimes funny.
and the writing is often remarkably good.
i didn't love this, because it caused me pain.
but i was deeply impressed by it anyway.
it's real, even if it focuses on dynamics that are invisible to privileged dudey-dudes like me.
i may not play the same games, but you can be sure i want the same fucking prize.
August 27, 2012
The blurb for this is terrible, but the writing is wonderful. Another free read better than 95% of the books I buy.
The pacing was uneven: I found it dragged somewhat in the middle and could have been tightened up. Not an HEA or an HFN, but I choose to believe it will be an HEA eventually.
The pacing was uneven: I found it dragged somewhat in the middle and could have been tightened up. Not an HEA or an HFN, but I choose to believe it will be an HEA eventually.
November 25, 2013
Shelley said so. Nuff said.
August 10, 2016
Whoa, that story made my head spin. In a good way, I think.
Thom is a recovering "manipulative, soulless slut" (his words) who is unlucky enough to fall for Evan, the kind of player he used to be:
"It's a talent I have – give me someone malleable enough and I can make him think he loves me. I know the way to play it to get exactly what I want. I'll bet anything you like Evan Llewellyn can do the same and for the first time in my life, I think I've met someone who could do that to me and it's fucking chilling looking down the barrel of a gun."
But it turns out you can't trust Thom that much as a narrator. Which keeps things fairly interesting. I also enjoyed to see Thom struggle - often in bizarre ways - with his attraction to Evan:
"Evan Llewellyn is somebody I want to hate, but actually just want to screw senseless, or be screwed senseless by, or damn it all, suck him off, or even hold his fucking hand."
I admit I like the macho MC who's all mushy on the inside but can't admit to it, even to himself. It's so rare that it's well and realistically done. But Zebbie pulls it off perfectly. And she can do real jerks too:
"Are you shitting me Thom? Mate, you're a glorified dildo who pays half the rent and don't you forget it just 'cause you've gone all whacked out on holier than thou, body is my temple, respect for fellow man, sex should be for love, bullshit"
What a delight ;)
btw, about the ending. I get that for many readers it's important to know beforehand whether there's a HEA or not. But really, it's a huge spoiler, too! Especially right at the beginning of an untagged review. And really, the ending was lovely!! I put this story down with a huge smile.
March 30, 2012
Very good m/m romance about two guys who dance around their attraction to each other, but are too stubborn and proud to admit to any such weaknesses. Be aware that this just barely has an HFN ending.
May 30, 2011
"Please keep Evan Llewellyn away from me. I think I’m going to rape him."
Just for that, I will read this one. :D
Just for that, I will read this one. :D
January 6, 2013
Zebbie is brilliant! There is just that special way the author uses to explain things, situations, opinions and feelings. They seem real and reasonable. There isn’t a work of Zebbie which isn’t terrific.
Cold Turkey is about two men who won’t admit their attraction for each other. It starts as rejection, turns into a hate-love affair and ends in hope. As an emotional damaged person I can relate to that and say: well done. Because that is exactly how you feel when you like someone you don’t want to like, cause you’ve been there and done that and you don’t want that anymore.
The protagonist is lovely; bitter, obnoxious, rude and a typical know-it-all. So when he meets this perfect, attractive guy who is THE best looking gay ever he decides not to like him. He loathes him, since he recognizes himself in him. Because Thom, the main character, refuses to have mindless sex with strangers any more – like he did when he was younger. And he doesn’t want to get close to the one and only person he feels attracted to, Evan. He is certain that Evan only plays with people. So he wants to get rid of him. One problem, the attraction becomes mutual.
I love Thom, he is the perfect picture of someone who has decided NOT to let anyone else into his life – at least for a certain amount of time.
I also love Evan, he struggles to be perfect and admired – a star if you will. But everything he wants to accomplish by this act is to hide his imperfection. I liked that part where he freaks out over his skin problem. Again – I know how it feels, literally. So I could really relate to that too.
You have to realize one thing; this isn’t your typical love story. It is a story about two young men who DON’T want to fall for each other because, ironically, they don’t want to get played. Well, Evan is less messed up about it, but he has issues with being rejected and acts aggressive when it happens. It’s a one step forward, two steps backward thing. But it’s not dramatic, whiny “why don’t you love me crap”. It’s funny and deep and honest. You can practically feel the anger and irritation while you read it. For those who are socially normal: it’s like back in kindergarten when the boy pulls on girl’s hair because he likes her. He doesn’t want to get cooties, but he wants to get noticed.
Cold Turkey is one of my favourites ever. Read it. You won’t regret it.
Cold Turkey is about two men who won’t admit their attraction for each other. It starts as rejection, turns into a hate-love affair and ends in hope. As an emotional damaged person I can relate to that and say: well done. Because that is exactly how you feel when you like someone you don’t want to like, cause you’ve been there and done that and you don’t want that anymore.
The protagonist is lovely; bitter, obnoxious, rude and a typical know-it-all. So when he meets this perfect, attractive guy who is THE best looking gay ever he decides not to like him. He loathes him, since he recognizes himself in him. Because Thom, the main character, refuses to have mindless sex with strangers any more – like he did when he was younger. And he doesn’t want to get close to the one and only person he feels attracted to, Evan. He is certain that Evan only plays with people. So he wants to get rid of him. One problem, the attraction becomes mutual.
I love Thom, he is the perfect picture of someone who has decided NOT to let anyone else into his life – at least for a certain amount of time.
I also love Evan, he struggles to be perfect and admired – a star if you will. But everything he wants to accomplish by this act is to hide his imperfection. I liked that part where he freaks out over his skin problem. Again – I know how it feels, literally. So I could really relate to that too.
You have to realize one thing; this isn’t your typical love story. It is a story about two young men who DON’T want to fall for each other because, ironically, they don’t want to get played. Well, Evan is less messed up about it, but he has issues with being rejected and acts aggressive when it happens. It’s a one step forward, two steps backward thing. But it’s not dramatic, whiny “why don’t you love me crap”. It’s funny and deep and honest. You can practically feel the anger and irritation while you read it. For those who are socially normal: it’s like back in kindergarten when the boy pulls on girl’s hair because he likes her. He doesn’t want to get cooties, but he wants to get noticed.
Cold Turkey is one of my favourites ever. Read it. You won’t regret it.
December 11, 2012
Extremely well written, especially for a freebie, but not entirely my favourite kind of story.
It's not the missing HEA or a HFN ending that irks me, though. Actually, a happy ending wouldn't have been believable nor fitting.
My problem was that I just couldn't really relate to the MC all that well. Hm.
It's not the missing HEA or a HFN ending that irks me, though. Actually, a happy ending wouldn't have been believable nor fitting.
My problem was that I just couldn't really relate to the MC all that well. Hm.
July 3, 2017
3.75 stars.
Why is it that these free online stories are sooo much better than most of the published stories out there?
A fascinating tale of two messed-up young men and their even more messed-up relationship...
Good stuff.
Why is it that these free online stories are sooo much better than most of the published stories out there?
A fascinating tale of two messed-up young men and their even more messed-up relationship...
Good stuff.
October 20, 2011
This is barely squeeking by as an HFN, but I really liked it. Thom is awesome. So is Evan.
May 26, 2012
The description for this story really doesn't do it justice.
September 11, 2015
Re-read.
Still frustrating, emotional & raw. I don't want to like it, but I do.
Still frustrating, emotional & raw. I don't want to like it, but I do.
August 7, 2015
Oh lord how I remember this. Loving someone you don’t want to love. Someone similar to yourself which makes them untrustworthy. I don’t know where these two are going but I know it doesn’t end well…
October 27, 2020
3.5
Above average. Well written original fic about a believable and quite messy love-hate relationship.
About the ending: IMO .
NB: I deeply dislike the word «rape» used out of contest. At least here it is not so offensive because it is further used in the fic in a sentence like «it is not rape if the other person is consenting».
Above average. Well written original fic about a believable and quite messy love-hate relationship.
About the ending: IMO .
NB: I deeply dislike the word «rape» used out of contest. At least here it is not so offensive because it is further used in the fic in a sentence like «it is not rape if the other person is consenting».
August 15, 2014
Something should have tipped me off far earlier that this was a Britishy thing. Something far earlier than when it finally did, many many chapters in.
It's...you know what; it's oddly charming. The beginning was weird and I was bracing myself and gearing up for it being like a Nifty story - or what I'm led to believe Nifty stories are like, seeing as I never technically read any (or have no extensive experience with) Nifty stories. ...but then it gets all weirdly charming and you realize that Thom's just a melodramatic dweeb.
That part where he waxes poetic about loving the cuddling after both parties are too tired to fuck...I get him. That was like one of those "Wait! Let the man explain!" sort of things.
It's probably the phrasing he used to sum it up.
That one part where he's analyzing the whole trust and personal thing, that was some profound shit.
Thr ending gave me pause. How did it fall on the MC to be the guy in the romcom?
Overall, yeah, the blurb is hecka misleading. The story isn't bad, though odd, and the ending was what made it :/
It's...you know what; it's oddly charming. The beginning was weird and I was bracing myself and gearing up for it being like a Nifty story - or what I'm led to believe Nifty stories are like, seeing as I never technically read any (or have no extensive experience with) Nifty stories. ...but then it gets all weirdly charming and you realize that Thom's just a melodramatic dweeb.
That part where he waxes poetic about loving the cuddling after both parties are too tired to fuck...I get him. That was like one of those "Wait! Let the man explain!" sort of things.
It's probably the phrasing he used to sum it up.
That one part where he's analyzing the whole trust and personal thing, that was some profound shit.
Thr ending gave me pause. How did it fall on the MC to be the guy in the romcom?
Overall, yeah, the blurb is hecka misleading. The story isn't bad, though odd, and the ending was what made it :/
January 20, 2013
Frustrating, well written and the best example of unresolved sexual tension I have read.
Gosh I wanted to bash these boys' heads together.
And call that an end? aaargh *screams & tearing of hair*
Hmmmm
Gosh I wanted to bash these boys' heads together.
And call that an end? aaargh *screams & tearing of hair*
Hmmmm
March 17, 2013
4,0. my rating would have been better, if it had a hea.
March 4, 2014
This was beautifully written and perfectly angsty. Nice ending.
August 11, 2016
2.5 stars
March 3, 2012
Way better than some of the paid books.. But entertaining and kinda charming.
Read
January 18, 2018this book sucked hehe
January 10, 2018
better than anticipated
kinda like erisol fic
kinda like erisol fic
August 25, 2015
Holy God, was it hard to decide weather to give it 4 or 3 stars...
Right from the beginning I got to know one of the main protagonist straight through his own words, thoughts and actions. And damn, did he caught my interest with his sence of humour and cynism. And maybe more than these, his straight-to-the-point "I´m no saint" introduction.
On that account I had to admire all the flaws the main charcters had - personality and physically-wise. It will sound strange but I read so many books where the characers had just one layer (either they were just dumb, or just afraid all the time or other s...hovel like that). It was so refreshing to read something where there were complex personalities.
I also had to silently respect awesomely painted case of bullheads crashing into each other. It was "screw being a top but I´ll be damned if I let you have one over me." style. Hence, they´d rather do some stupid shit to change the score and more importantly, the key to success is not to admit anything, of course.
At times it was quite crazy for me. I felt like in the eye of a tornado - you see all the s...lacks spinning so fast that it´s hard to follow everything and even though you´re physically okay, your mind is in a jumble.
As a minus I´d probably should mention some grammar mistakes - or better to say typing errors, but it wasn´t anything major.
The story is tempting by it´s "nothing´s just black and white" scream right from the start. It will also trap you in a world of England weather-like mood changes and feelings, which is quite characteristic for protagonists´ age and believe it or not, it´s not such a torture as it sounds. And on top of that, there are those sweet moments where you´ll mentally join in the dance on George Michael, Etta James and many others´ songs.
All in all, the story has a spark, it´s undeniable spirit - no doubt about that. Is it worth reading? Hell yesssss! Maybe you won´t be on a cloud nine after finishing it, but it´s definitely worth your time. At least in my case it was.
Right from the beginning I got to know one of the main protagonist straight through his own words, thoughts and actions. And damn, did he caught my interest with his sence of humour and cynism. And maybe more than these, his straight-to-the-point "I´m no saint" introduction.
On that account I had to admire all the flaws the main charcters had - personality and physically-wise. It will sound strange but I read so many books where the characers had just one layer (either they were just dumb, or just afraid all the time or other s...hovel like that). It was so refreshing to read something where there were complex personalities.
I also had to silently respect awesomely painted case of bullheads crashing into each other. It was "screw being a top but I´ll be damned if I let you have one over me." style. Hence, they´d rather do some stupid shit to change the score and more importantly, the key to success is not to admit anything, of course.
At times it was quite crazy for me. I felt like in the eye of a tornado - you see all the s...lacks spinning so fast that it´s hard to follow everything and even though you´re physically okay, your mind is in a jumble.
As a minus I´d probably should mention some grammar mistakes - or better to say typing errors, but it wasn´t anything major.
The story is tempting by it´s "nothing´s just black and white" scream right from the start. It will also trap you in a world of England weather-like mood changes and feelings, which is quite characteristic for protagonists´ age and believe it or not, it´s not such a torture as it sounds. And on top of that, there are those sweet moments where you´ll mentally join in the dance on George Michael, Etta James and many others´ songs.
All in all, the story has a spark, it´s undeniable spirit - no doubt about that. Is it worth reading? Hell yesssss! Maybe you won´t be on a cloud nine after finishing it, but it´s definitely worth your time. At least in my case it was.
September 2, 2019
Goodreads recommended this to me, but this story is offensive. The main character who is supposed to be gay, unnecessarily puts down LGBT groups for reasons that don't make any sense. All I can think is that is was written by a non-gay person.
It says:
The whole reason for a gay person to go to a LGBT group is to meet other gay people. If you want to meet people who hate and don't support gay people, go anywhere else on the Earth.
I really don't know what it is LGBT groups do to tell people what is right and wrong to do in their life. And people in LGBT groups don't exclude others. People who are gay allies are welcomed to join. Also, LGBT groups don't tell people to define themselves by their sexuality, it's a place to find people who understand it.
I feel this story is not written for gay people to read, it's just for straight people to laugh at them. I noticed how none of the other reviews mentioned all the stupid things this story started off with. It did not need to make fun of and trivialize gay groups and organizations:
I really don't think Goodreads has good recommendations for the Gay genre. I could have definately avoided this.
It says:
Controversial, but I'm a gay man who doesn't think the LGBT group at my university is doing a very good job. I'd rather avoid being segregated out from all those 'normal' people who could never understand me and encouraged to define myself by my sexuality alone. I feel the same way about most groups that feel the need to bond over some unifying feature that excludes others and sets out right and wrong ways of doing things.
The whole reason for a gay person to go to a LGBT group is to meet other gay people. If you want to meet people who hate and don't support gay people, go anywhere else on the Earth.
I really don't know what it is LGBT groups do to tell people what is right and wrong to do in their life. And people in LGBT groups don't exclude others. People who are gay allies are welcomed to join. Also, LGBT groups don't tell people to define themselves by their sexuality, it's a place to find people who understand it.
I feel this story is not written for gay people to read, it's just for straight people to laugh at them. I noticed how none of the other reviews mentioned all the stupid things this story started off with. It did not need to make fun of and trivialize gay groups and organizations:
LGBT makes me think of sandwiches - bacon, lettuce and tomato, even though the initials are all in the wrong order, and there's that pesky extra G. I've never been good at remembering what acronyms stand for.And:
Their other acronym, BLOGs (Bisexual, Lesbian Or Gay society), had me wondering who in the hell was sad enough to form a society about weblogs.
I really don't think Goodreads has good recommendations for the Gay genre. I could have definately avoided this.
July 16, 2012
Flamboyant Evan and remorseful former player Thom share a fierce attraction and impossible stubbornness. Thom has a bit more experience, but he is as arrogant and inflexible as Evan in their fraught, on-off relationship. They both need to grow up some.
June 1, 2013
Part of me really felt like a cynical read after so many saccharin love story's and that's what this is.
But it went on and on. And the ENDING! Aaargh.
Very angsty, probably too angsty for them to ever end up happy.
But it went on and on. And the ENDING! Aaargh.
Very angsty, probably too angsty for them to ever end up happy.
April 4, 2015
Awful. No character building, the writing wasn't great. The first three chapters every paragraph seem to start with the problem is or so the problem is. It's written as the internal thoughts of an idiot.
January 5, 2011
Fun stuff. Quite entertaining main character and hilarity in his issues with sex.
October 16, 2011
It's actually 4.5 stars for me. It wasn't quite "amazing". I just really really liked it.
July 4, 2015
Loved it! And it's free...
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews