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304 pages, Hardcover
First published May 8, 2012

"You're not having fun?"Sawyer is a passenger in his life. His parents and girlfriend are the drivers, making nearly all of his decisions for him: what classes to take, where to go to college, what career to pursue, what to do for fun, and who to associate with, just for starters. He doesn't mind his passive role, since it's not a bad life.
He was. A different kind of fun. Not Xbox fun or birthday fun or sex fun. More like hands up, first car in the roller coaster, busted-safety-bar fun. Only better than that.
But there was another feeling, one he couldn't nail down, one that came late at night or when he went for a run or when it was slow at Mike's Ice Cream or like now, in precalc, Mr. Young up there speaking in tongues, that feeling--he wondered if it would be with him for the rest of his life.
It wasn't lost.
Lost was what you felt when you didn't know where to go or how to get there. All you needed were directions and you wouldn't be lost. He knew where he had to go and what he had to do to get there, the directions clearer than the ones that came with his phone. Get good grades, get into college, get more good grades, get a career, get money, get kids, get old, get on with it. So it wasn't lost.
Was it drifting, was that the feeling? That sense that he was simply floating along without a plan, wondering where he'd land when he washed up on shore? No, that wasn't it, he had had a perfect plan handed to him, and the plan told him exactly where he'd land. It couldn't have been drifting. Drifting actually sounded pretty good.
Besides, he was going too fast to be drifting.
Here's what he knew--he had a direction and he had a plan. They weren't his, but they seemed to be working. And he had a hot girlfriend and a car of his own and an okay job and a future as an insurance actuary. What was he complaining about? He had it good. He know all that.
But it didn't make the feeling go away.